TW Workbook #2 - week 2 review

The most significant thing God taught me this week:
My body is not my own. It's amazing for me to contemplate that the Holy Spirit actually sets up residence within me. Oh how I need to allow Him, the Ruler of the universe, to be Ruler and King in my own life, to honor Him, to seek Him, to be WILLING to surrender, to not harden myself with the sin of gluttony, to allow His kingdom come His will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.

At least one change that has occurred in my life since last week at this time:
I am beginning to become more aware once again of #5 (satisfaction) approaching.

The most significant thing that God helped me to observe this week that I will focus on correcting next week:

* Seek Him MORE.

* And begin to APPLY honoring Him with my body on a practical level. The things that I felt God speaking to me in this regard are:
1.) Allow my body to be a living sacrifice in total surrender to Him - give Him ALL OF ME.
2.) Serve Him by serving others. My body can be used by Him - my feet to carry me to places He wants me to go, my lips to encourage and bless others, my hands to care for others, my arms to hug, my ears to listen...etc.
3.) Put good stuff in my body - fruits & veggies, less sugar
4.) Eat only what my body needs.
5.) Move my body so I can stay healthy and strong and serve others.
God created my body and life with a purpose in mind. I need to keep this perspective.

Here is something I felt was a challenge and encouragement to me that was posted here on the TW forum:

1) to speak a heartfelt prayer before we eat (more than just a blessing) inviting Jesus to join us for the meal while being mindful that Jesus is our unseen guest at the meal. If Jesus were really there...eating with us in the flesh, He wouldn't be gorging Himself with food...He's be looking at us, smiling, and focusing on us. We are going to try and do the same...focusing on Him, while sharing a meal together.

2) By putting the fork down in between bites, it's as if we are pausing for conversation with Him...thanking Him for His provision of the food and focusing more on Him than on the food. In the course of the meal, we are asking Him to reveal His plans and purposes for us. We're listening to what He has to say...as we share this meal together.

This is what we're hoping for...to be obedient to whatever He has to say
to us!

What I have learned about the character of God as sovereign and good, and how I have come to know and be drawn closer to Him:
I am struck again and again by how He truly is ABOVE ALL....Ruler, King, All-knowing, All-powerful. And on top of all that He is GOOD. He is gracious and kind. And I desire to praise Him name and bring glory to Him in every way possible.

My prayer requests:
#1. To not overindulge this week as I head up a homemade chocolate making night at church. Lot of temptations will be lying around.
#2. To be surrendered at all times, to have an undivided heart, to walk in His truth. LOOK, ASK, WALK.

My praise and thanksgiving thoughts:
God is good. I am so thankful for His graciousness, His kindness and mercy. And I am thankful for His purposes. I'm also so thankful for His promise to bring His good work to completion in me one day. That is such an encouragement to me. I cling to Him. I press on.

TW Workbook #1 - week 1 review

This week's readings have been like water to my soul. It's been so refreshing and has given me fresh glimpses of God's heart. God has spoken to me many times over the past week. I thought I'd share my thoughts from "Review of the Week" here. I think this may be a good way to reflect on what I have learned.

The most significant things God taught me this week:

#1. He will build again.

"I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel." Jeremiah 31:4

I felt God's words to Israel being spoken to my soul. Though I am broken and have slipped and slid into the muck and mire of greed and given my heart's affections to something other than the Lord...He woos me back and promises to continue the good work He started and will build me up again.

#2. God loves me and pursues me. He is the initiator of love.

"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.....We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:8-10, 19

#3. God knows me yet loves me.

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord." Psalm 139:1-4

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners he died for us." Romans 5:8

God knows me. I mean REALLY knows me. He knows everything about me, the good stuff and the bad. He even knows the sins I will commit in the future. Yet He loves me. This has touched me deeply. It was a WOW moment to let this settle into my heart. My perfectionism sometimes pushes me to feel I must perform to be acceptable. Yet this is not the case. He first loved us...and that was (is) when we're stuck in the muck and mire of sin.

#4. He wants me to experience the abundant life, life to the full. His riches are available to me, as a child of His kingdom.

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10
"..the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory." Colossians 1:27

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive in Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up in Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:4-9

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

#5. Look, Ask, Walk.

"Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls." Jeremiah 6:16

#6. Seek God - call, come, pray. And God promises He will listen and we will find Him.

"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity." Jeremiah 29:12-13

These verses reminded me of the following illustration:

God created us for intimacy with Him. Because of sin, each of us has broken the fellowship that God longs to have with us. His complete holiness and our unholiness naturally repel each other. I often describe the kinetics of this relationship like two magnets. What happens when you have two magnets and you bring them together, north pole to north pole? They repel each other. It is just the natural way of things. You can force them very close together, but you can't keep them that way because they naturally repel each other. But what happens if one of the magnets turns around? What happens when you bring the two magnets together, north pole to south pole? The very same principle of magnetism that made them repel each other before, now makes them attract. They come together with an upstoppable force. It is just the natural way of things. ("Secrets Jesus Shared" workbook by Jennifer Kennedy Dean pg 134)

Isn't that beautiful? I have been chewing on this illustration for the past week or so. I feel challenged to turn to Him and live being loved.

My experience in waiting for and finding hunger this first week of TW:
For the most part I've experienced victory in waiting for #0 this week.

The most significant thing that God helped me to observe this week that I will focus on correcting next week.
Look. Ask. Walk. (Jeremiah 6:16) Apply this truth in moments of temptation.
This upcoming week I also feel challenged on a practical level to reduce the size of my dishes, which in turn should reduce portion sizes, which ultimately I hope helps me discover satisfaction (#5) with less food. I also don't want to be mastered by food and therefore don't want to rush to the food the second my body feels hunger pangs, but rather to seek God in those moments and be asking for Him to guide me and give me self-control as I fuel my body. I feel challenged to respect this body that He has gifted me with and stop at #5.

What I have learned about the character of God as love and jealous, and how I have come to know and be drawn closer to him:
He pursues me. He wants the best for me. He has a plan and purpose for me. He longs for me to tap into the abundant life that He makes available to me~Christ in me! He is saddened and jealous when my affections lie elsewhere, when my heart is divided.

My prayer requests:

To experience peace. To fall into a rhythm again. But most of all to carve out constant time with the Lord and to have an undivided heart.

My praise and thanksgiving thoughts:
He knows yet loves! Wow! That is worth praise! And He indwells and offers me the abundant life. Thank you, Lord.

A new promise

How strange this "thin within" journey has been!

Long and winding, perserverance and endurance is essential. This is not for the faint of heart, not a quick solution, not a quick fix. This journey, in drawing nearer to God, aligning my heart with His, seeking to surrender my whole body to His will, is a life long journey.

Sometimes it has been smooth sailing. Was I relying on self-effort alone in those times I have to wonder? As I set up so many goals for myself and formed plans for myself...I am left to ponder if I was trying to do it on my own much of the time. Yet success on a level was tasted. I lost 24 lbs, after years of being unable to make headway. I drew very near to God and experienced relationship with Him on a daily basis in the most intimate and special way ever in my lifetime.

Yet sometimes this journey has been bumpy beyond imagination, sliding down mucky slopes, falling into deep ravines where hope seems far away... I swing from one side of the pendulum to the other, completely giving up and no longer even trying. It just feels too hard. It feels too exhausting. It feels too restrictive. It feels too impossible. The pull of my fleshly desires is magnetic.

And the weight crept back on slowly but surely. And my heart feels like there is a wall between God and I. I feel like I am so near, but so far. I feel like my heart's affections are just not set on HIM. Certainly not on Him alone. My heart is divided I guess. Oh Lord, give me an undivided heart I pray.

I thought "The Lord's Table" study would help me get back on track. But I began to feel like a club of condemnation was constantly hitting me over the head and finally decided to set it aside. I could feel myself becoming legalistic and controlling. The first time I worked through the material I did not feel this way. I embraced the teaching and followed 0-5 eating as my eating schedule and grew spiritually by leaps and bounds. But this time round it just felt different. I don't know how to explain it except that it felt forced.

I decided to order the TW workbook #1 after this realization hit me. It arrived in the mail last night and I already started gobbling it up:-) I had read the TW book format so many times it had become too familiar to really take root in my heart again. I needed a fresh look at the TW (and most importantly biblical) teachings that have resonated with me so many times over the past two years. I am NOT disappointed! Wow, I am hit anew with so many things. I think I'll try blogging my journey through the workbook...if I have time...which seems to be more scarce this year!

Here is the new promise that God spoke to my heart last night, which I am going to cling to...

"I will build you again and you will be rebuilt." Jeremiah 31:4

I'm so excited! I'm going to be REBUILT! Woohoo!

"Forget the former thing; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing!" Isaiah 43:18

Don't dwell on my past mistakes or even on my past successes. God is going to do a new thing and build me anew. That is so amazing. I'm encouraged. I feel hope welling up again. God continues doing His good work in me and WILL bring it to completion, as He promised me two years ago. I just have to cling to Him and hang on for the ride!

Undivided Heart

Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an UNDIVIDED heart, that I may fear your name. Psalm 86:11

I will give them an UNDIVIDED heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Ezekial 11:19

May the words of my mouth and the MEDITATION OF MY HEART be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

My heart's prayer.

Uh-oh...spoke too soon!

Here I was feeling so good about how I was able to eat chocolate in moderation this week...and then...the door opened a crack and...

WHAM!

I fell flat on my face!

I went out for a meeting after supper...and came back home tired and saw some chocolates on the counter. (My daughter was laxing at her "job"! LOL) First of all, down the hatch went half a cookie (which was also on the counter) - just to "taste-test" of course. And then that opened the door further for those chocolates on the counter. Down the hatch went three more chocolates, for a total of six today. Looks like it will certainly be a miracle if I can stick to FIVE on halloween!

I still feel like digging into something or other tonight. Craving something - sweet or salty.

But I look to the Lord for strength and I will...

STOP!

For His power is made perfect in weakness.

Anyone have a verse that speaks of aligning our hearts with God's? I'm on a search. Because that has been my heart's cry and prayer lately. Some common ones are:

"...the LORD has sought out a man after his own heart..." 1 Samuel 13:14

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." Matthew 22:37

I'm still on the look-out for that verse which becomes my prayer day and night...to align my heart with His.

In the meantime, oh Lord, help me up, keep me from falling...your Word becomes my prayer...

I trust and believe that You are able to keep me from falling and to present me before Your glorious presence without fault and with great joy - to the only God my Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through jesus Christ my Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen. (personalized version of Jude 24-25)

It's working!

So far, this plan to have my daughter hide the chocolates, is working great! She just takes our "order" at dinnertime of which chocolates we request and then she delivers them to us:-) My usual "moderate" portion is three chocolates. And it works. I actually cut back last night and ate only ONE mini chocolate bar....and was satisfied, even with that minimal amount! Amazing! What a difference it makes for me when I know the chocolates are tucked away for another time.

My goal, which for me will be quite a challenge on such a candy-laden day, is to only eat FIVE mini chocolate bars/candies on halloween itself! Now, this will be a miracle if I can do this! I'll keep you posted!

Hide the Candy...please!

I asked my 10 year old daughter to hide the mini chocolates from me tonight! We all were having quite a good chuckle out of that. She thought it was great fun! :-) Sometimes Jon hides them...but tonight I thought I'd give her the job...

My kids both know that I struggle with overeating on sweets...as do they to a degree. I hope it doesn't affect my children negatively, to see me struggling with these food issues... I just hope and pray they see that I am aiming to glorify God and surrender my body to Him.

So, in the meantime, we all took a moderate portion of sweets for dessert tonight...3 mini chocolate bars each...and then they got tucked out of sight, who knows where in my daughter's room somewhere!

I find it quite funny how much I trust my daughter... Some parents would NOT be able to trust their kids with a box of like 100 chocolates in their room! But I know my daughter is going to take this job very seriously! :-)

Temptation Zones

#1. LATE NIGHT POPCORN MUNCHIES
Popcorn munchies on weekends after the kids are in bed...a treat I always seem to gravitate towards. I usually cave in IMMEDIATELY to the craving. I don't even try to fight it. I get sucked into a TV show/movie and tune out the voice of the Holy Spirit.

In the future I can prepare for victory, aware that I'm going to fight this temptation by...

• SAVING my appetite for this popcorn treat (eating within 0-5)

or

• BATTLING this craving by first going to the bedroom and reading God's word/praying and then GETTING MY HANDS BUSY! Grab some laundry and fold it, work on a craft, write out some kind of organization list or do some music planning while watching the show, pull out some cards to write encouragement notes to friends, write a letter to a friend/family member from far away while watching the show.

#2. SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR...more more more....
Another time of temptation is the continued lust for more sugar. My body just doesn't want to stop. In the past I sometimes try to replace the urge with another substitute food...but in the end it becomes a long string of eating mess ups, which usually ends up still eating the food that was on my "no, no" list...and in the end overeating far too much. Sometimes I just go straight to binging on the sweets I'm craving.

In the future I can carve out a reasonable amount of dessert as a boundary line and stick to my guns with it - ex. 2 cookies, 1 cup ice cream, 1 piece cake etc. MODERATION! And if my craving continues, STOP and PRAY and FEAST on God's word. I can go to the bedroom and journal, pray, read, listen to a sermon on file etc.

#3. FOOD PLEASE PICK-ME-UP....I'm tired!
One more situation I struggle with is eating when I'm tired as a pick-me-up. I'm VERY vulnerable. I MUST realize that food does NOT give me the energy I'm seeking. It simply soothes my taste-buds and feels good temporarily.

Instead I must find a way to be truly revitalized. Lie down, close my eyes, pray, listen to music, relax, listen to a sermon...

REMEMBER:
No food will satisfy my heart nor fill the emptiness in my soul. That is what Jesus Christ is for. He is "real meat" and the "bread of life" and I am to feed on Him. (TLT pg 7)

Some verses that have been an encouragement to me the past day or so and which I have tucked away in memory now and want to continue chewing on and feasting on...

"Your words were found and I ate them, and Your words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart; for I have been called by Your name, O LORD God of hosts." Jeremiah 15:16

"I have not departed from the command of His lips; I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my necessary food." Job 23:12

God's Glory

I haven't made much use of my blog in quite some time. And, in all honesty, I'm not sure I am going to have the time to keep posting on a regular basis. But, this morning, I felt God beginning to tie a whole bunch of loose ends together for me.

I've really been struggling with surrendering my body to the Lord, particularly with regards to eating/exercise. My weight has climbed. I didn't step on the scale today so I don't know what the exact # is. But I do know I'm in the 160's.

On a positive note, I'm persevering, not stressing about what a # on a scale says, generally eating 0-5 (within hunger/satisfaction) for most eating ocassions and making myself accountable each and every day to some closer friends online.

On the flip side.... I've felt my heart captured by greed, particularily when it comes to sugary stuff. I rarely tackle battles, even when I know what the right thing to do is, even when I know what "truth" is. My heart just doesn't want to do the right thing enough, I guess. My relationship with God has been somewhat dry the past couple months, since we returned from Mexico. I am longing for that hunger/thirst for God that I experienced last year, when God was my alarm clock and I was hungry to dig into His word, into time of communion with Him, into memorizing His word. Oh how I long for that!

Yesterday was a completely greedy eating kind of day. I ate and ate sugar sugar sugar, the very thing I'd felt compelled to abstain from for a time. I ate outside of 0-5 for most of the day. And I felt sickened by how far I have strayed from God's will.

This morning I woke up with the resolve to actually follow "The Lord's Table" program. I think I may actually use the eating schedule this time, only as a way to discipline my heart to seek God first and foremost. Last time I worked through TLT I simply used TW 0-5 as my eating plan. But I think I may need a little bit of a "wake up" call right now. I need to seek God more than food is what it comes down to. That being said, I dug into day 1 of TLT and what was printed in those pages reflected much of what God has been speaking to me lately.

As I have been studying week 2 of "Secrets Jesus Shared" I felt God continually impressing on me the importance of my FOCUS to be on Him, not letting things (like TV/computer, busyness etc.) distract me from pursuing Him. As I dug back into re-memorizing some verses the one that had become my prayer just this past week was,

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who EARNESTLY SEEK HIM." Hebrews 11:6 (emphasis mine)

At our small group meeting on Friday night, God spoke to my heart once again as the main point we zoned in on was the importance of PURSUING GOD.

And that brings me to today, as I studied TLT I read the following verses and began chewing on these words...

"but whenever a person turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:16-18

"God, after He spoke long ago to the fathers in the prophets in many portions and in many ways, in these last days has spoken to us in His Son, whom He appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the world. And He is the radiance of His glory and the exact represenation fo His nature, and upholds all things by the word of his power. When He had made purification of sings, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, having become as much better than the angels, as He has inherited a more excellent name than they." Hebrews 1:1-4

As I went for a walk this morning I was struck by the fact that I've been approaching this eating surrender issue wrongly. Though I've been aiming to take thoughts captive and replace with truth - a right and noble endeavor - I've missed the most important point of all... IT'S ALL ABOUT THE HEART. I can't just snap my fingers and say, "Christina, time to replace that lie with truth." Though of course that is a good aim. Even praying a prayer in a certain way, going through systematic motions to "magically" say the right words isn't really the right way, though once again it is good to aim to pray about this issue.

Each of those things God had impressed on me in the "Secrets Jesus Shared" study, in my memorization of God's word and in small group began to come together today. I realized that it is not about following a system, a set of steps, putting on and off...though each and every one of these have a place and a time.

It's about GAZING at, SITTING in, ABSORBING the truth of His Glory, Jesus Himself the "radiance of His Glory."

Just being WITH God, in His presence, experiencing and seeing His glory, my HEART will begin to change and be transformed. And from a heart change comes a will change. And each of these other steps flows naturally as the Holy Spirit transforms - putting off the old self, putting on the new self, taking thoughts captive, my mind being renewed with God's truth, prayer of repentance etc.

It's time to stop going through the motions and trying to be the change agent...and instead just STOP and SIT at His feet and draw near to the Lord and let HIM, in His glory, change and transform me.

I feel hope welling up inside me once again.

Wildly and Extravagantly Generous

The title of this post has been resonating with me ever since I came across those words in the "Secrets Jesus Shared" study a couple days ago. Reflecting on Matthew 6:19-34, Jennifer Kennedy Dean writes,

"...those who are in the kingdom can be generous to those around them because God will take care of all their needs. Kingdom-focused living frees you from anxiety about temporal things so you can express the kingdom into the circumstances of earth.... Having no fear of lack, you can let go of material possessions and be wildly and exravagantly generous." Secrets Jesus Shared by Jennifer Kennedy Dean pg 65

I had a job plop into my lap very unexpectedly two weeks ago. I was at the school (where I work as a lunch monitor and my kids attend). And the principal approached me and offered me a job working with the kindergarten and grade 1 students two days a week. I was in such shock and was absolutely ecstatic! What a privilege and honor and compliment it was. Granted the job pays just a little more than minimum wage, but it is a less stressful job than the lunch job and it is also a way to get my foot in the door for other jobs of this kind in the school division.

I feel that God GAVE me this job. What a blessing!

One of my first thoughts was, "Now we have some extra money to give away!" Seriously, that was my initial thought. And then before you knew it, the wheels starting turning in my head and my husband's and we began to "spend" that extra at least in our heads....

Here's a video shown last Sunday at church.



And here is a link that was in the headline news today: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8306556.stm

Just a few days prior I had been reading an article in Christianity Today magazine featuring Francis Chan. Here is another article, though not the exact one that I read.... http://www.christianitytoday.com/tc/peopleoffaith/profiles/francischanscrazlyove.html In the original article I read that he actually gives away 90% of his income!

Striking. Disturbing. Moving. Shocking. Isn't it?

I feel moved to action.

Going a step further with this "wildly and extravagantly generous" approach that Jesus was recommending in Matthew 6:19-34, I realize that there are so many ways we can display this kind of generousity - not just monetary. My time is expendable and valuable...perhaps more than my money. And I am left wondering HOW God wants me to generous. Does He want me to be stretched with the three jobs I'm working right now, leaving me with little time to visit the Pakistani muslim families I mentioned in my previous post? Does He want me to earn some extra $$'s so we have even more to give financially to those in need? Or does He want me to quit one of my jobs (the lunch job is the one I feel most drawn to cut) so that I can spend my time visiting those in need?

Needless to say, it's a tough decision to ponder. Whatever the case, my heart is chewing on Jesus' words and I'm in prayer on this.

I want to be wildly and extravagantly generous with my life. I want to spend my life on what matters in the light of eternity.

Father, please be a light to my path and a lamp to my feet. I am Yours. Use me.