Rainbow Promises

I'm back....

2012-01-19T02:58:00.000-08:00

...finally, after nearly a week away! I don't think I'm going to follow through on daily posting. Doesn't seem feasible. Or maybe it is an excuse. I'm not sure.

I'm not totally in "the" zone yet (with eating). I have my good days and my slippery slope days. Last night was a slippery slope night.

I've been exercising this week though. That's good.

I've been regularily getting into the Word with my devos, reading through the bible in a year.

I've been doing laundry in the mornings.

I am up to date with budgetting updates.

God has been providing opportunities to minister and reach out, which I find very exciting. There are just so many hurting broken people in the world. My heart is praying they seek God. Because He answers. He saves. He heals. He loves. I so want them to know Him and experience Him.

Counting my Blessings

34. Clear blue skies on cold wintry days.

35. Puppies tumbling.

36. Dreaming can be fun:-)

37. Opportunities to speak into our kid's lives. I'm thankful God allowed us to see a glimpse of an issue that was brewing so that we could speak truth into the situation.

38. Warm cozy home on VERY cold wintry nights.

39. Helping hands around the house.

40. Twinkling eyes.

Friday

2012-01-13T17:56:00.001-08:00

On a roll today. Eating 0-5. Exercise. Laundry. Praying. God is good.

Counting my Blessings...

28. Frost covered tree branches.

29. The sound of kid's laughter.

30. God, by my side, always present, always right HERE. Amazing!

31. Fuel for my body....just the right amount. That feels good. And is a blessing.

32. Clean clothes!

33. The weekend is HERE! Yay!

Time flies!

2012-01-12T15:59:00.000-08:00

Got back to school & work routines this week. I'm not doing so good with my goals! Thanks for the "nudge" to stay on track, Monique:-)

I have been handing down some of my "skinny" clothes to my daughter. She has lost about 20lbs over the past couple months. She is REALLY in the zone. It's hard to believe! She has simply been eating healthy stuff, and has, of her own decision, eliminated most sugar from her diet. She has lasted through Halloween temptations, then Christmas baking temptations.... I'm really surprised! Anyways, she is now wearing my old favorite jeans (and fits them better then I ever did or ever could!). I can hardly believe I fit those just three years ago! So, I am on a mission to get those jeans back (I told her that) :-) Plus, I think we are going down to Mexico this summer again and I really really don't want to be self-conscious when wearing a bathing suit, since I'll be enjoying beachtime while there.

So, Mission Old Favorite Jeans & Swimsuit Season, is on :-) Plus, I really want to be healthy so my heart is not so burdened with the extra weight I'm lugging around. My point is, I'm movitated right now....at least for today:-) Now I just have to stay motivated for tomorrow and the next tomorrow and the next tomorrow........................

Sugary stuff.
Well, I will generally stick to what I stated in my last post as my new thoughts. Though I think I may allow small treats here and there on occasion as well and possibly allow a mug of hot cocoa (made with real milk and cocoa) more often. We'll see. All I know is that everything I consume in that department needs to be careful, deliberate and conscious.

0-5
I keep making this my aim, though am not always succeeding.

Exercise
Gotten it in three times this week. Two times by walking to and from work. Once I went for a jog with Jon.

Laundry
Laundry goals have been stuck with. I think this Saturday will be a breeze in that department which feels great! I don't have mountains of laundry to worry about! If I can stay on top of it this way, this will make a BIG difference!

Daily Budget
Daily budget updates are not being done. I need to find a way to integrate that as a habit.

Reading through the Bible in a year
Reading through the Bible in a year program is going okay, though I must admit the book of Job is just not resonating with me this time round. Maybe I'm rushing since I did miss a day or two and then have catch up times etc. Anyways, that's that. Need to carve out more time with God I readily admit.

Food Log
I don't think I'm going to bother typing up my exact food log. I have it posted on the fridge and my daughter is checking in on me:-) My food log is folded over held by a magnet on the side of our fridge. I caught her taking a peek at it tonight. LOL Made me chuckle :-) I really have quite the amazing built in accountability partner around here. She even gives me "the" look when I go outside my goals or off track.

Okay, onto blessings, all those gifts that God has planted in each moment of each day.

Counting my blessings......

21. Sweet kids at work. I really love the kindergarteners I work with. Today a little girl says, "I like your shirt." Then a little boy walks by and says, "I like your shirt. I like your hair too." LOL So sweet and cute and out of the blue:-) And then there are all the kids who beg, "Can I come to math today?" (I do math support for K-1) They melt my heart:-)

22. My new piano student. I started with this little one today and she is a sweetie too. Big bright eyes, giggles, secret smiles, enthusiasm bursting from her. Makes me excited:-)

23. A great husband. I was thinking this morning how I would never do anything very adventurous in my life if it wasn't for him! All the adventures we have taken together. It blows my mind! I really am thankful he pushes me out of my comfort zone and that we've had so much fun together.

24. My daughters. They really are precious.

25. Moon sightings. Every morning when I open the curtains I see the moon still on the horizon. The other day I saw the coolest moon sighting. The moon was showing all of itself, a big round hazy ball in a foggy sky and it was sitting right over top of a house. It was really quite a neat sight. God is amazing!

26. Ministry vision. God has blessed Jon and I with more clarity this year. It is a real blessing to be able to sense God's direction for our lives, how He wants to use us. I am thankful for seeing a glimpse of His heart. And being able to serve Him through hospitality ministry.

27. Friends. Tonight I get to go out for a ladies night out. I'm excited:-)

January 8

2012-01-08T20:13:00.000-08:00

Already missed a day right after setting my new goals! Oh well. :-)

New thoughts on my approach towards sugar.... I ultimately would like to have a balanced healthy approach towards sugary treats, rather than feel deprived. I think my new approach will be - enjoy moderate amount of sugary treats during SOCIAL OCCASIONS. So, that means on a regular day I would not be consuming sugary stuff. During social occasions I rarely struggle with eating moderate amounts because I don't want to look like a pig! But afterwards, if I've been hosting in particular, then I often grab something more after everyone has left, part of my habit as a way of finding relaxation. So, that would be outside my new boundaries as the social occasion would be over. I think this may prove to be a way to stay a bit more balanced with sugar for the long run.

Both yesterday and today were not perfectly on target for 0-5 eating. However, I did get to empty a couple times which is great. :-) Also, I confess I did sneak two dessert squares last night in the evening.

Okay, now for blessings.........

Counting my Blessings

15. clean laundry - it's actually all put away!

16. church unity in our city with a city-wide church service this morning. It was so awesome!

17. teachable moments in my life - this fall, through a particular circumstance and how I responded, I feel myself learning a few lessons on extending grace and being sensitive towards others. And, yes, I can say I AM thankful for those teachable moments.

18. dreams. We are currently cooking up some plans for summer travels (which very well may include visitting some orphanages in Mexico again!). I'm getting excited. Praying God reveals His will in all this.

19. hugs

20. naps. LOVE my naps:-)

January 6

2012-01-06T15:34:00.000-08:00

Counting my Blessings

8. White snow blanket.

9. A new bed ordered! Woohoo!

10. Laughter & fun over games.

11. Tug of war with our dog.

12. Surprise visit from family.

13. Purring cats.

14. Health for today.

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Today I ate....

0-5 @ 11:30 - cereal & banana, 2 pcs raisin toast w/ margarine

0-5 @ 5pm - orange beef teriyaki & rice, broccoli, 1 pc raisin toast & prunes

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No exercise.

Got my laundry going today.

Didn't get budgetting on a roll quite yet.

January 5

2012-01-05T17:38:00.000-08:00

Counting my Blessings

1. GORGEOUS spring like weather in JANUARY! Melting snow. Sweaters. Blue skies.

2. Relaxing back massage. 1 hour to be precise. Felt wonderful:-)

3. Campfires. Family cozied up. Moon shining. Food sizzling.

4. Family movie nights.

5. Visit with a good friend.

6. Snowforts + Snowmen + Snowballs = kids having fun!!!

7. HoliDAYS! Just another couple days and then back to work and school we all go.

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Today I ate....
0/1-5 @9am (cornflakes & banana with milk)
2-5 @ 1pm (chicken salad wrap, grapes, nuts)
1-5 @ 5pm (1/2 hot dog & bun, bannock, orange juice, kiwi & orange slices, dried prunes, chips)
3-4 @8pm (1/2 glass fruit/milk smoothie)

No exercise today :-( Hoping to get into the habit/routine next week when we all return to regular school schedules.

New Year Goals

2012-01-05T03:48:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile since I posted....I know, I know. December was a tough month. I got sucked back into sugary treats, a very long sliiiippppperyyyyyy slope.

But I'm not giving up. I press on. And I'm back to saying no to sugary treats...until June! My last goal was just to make it past Halloween, and I was able to stick with that goal. Now a new goal.

So here are some goals I'd like to set for myself, in no particular order, for the upcoming 6 months.

#1. Daily posts right here on my blog.
I think this will help me remain accountable. No matter how short or long of a check-in, it will keep me on my toes. I'm contemplating even posting a daily eating log....not sure if this would be beneficial or not, so we'll see.

#2. No sugary treats until June.
Primarily cutting out desserts and other high sugar items as I was doing in October/November.

#3. I will continue working towards 0-5 (hunger-fullness) eating.
I know that I need to be present and purposeful in this area. I want to focus on real heart health. I just know that all this extra weight is not good for my heart. So for the next little while, I'm going to try tackling my motivation from that angle. We'll see how that works:-) (I think "heart health" could be explored a bit more. I'll have to chew on this concept and post about it later.)

#4. Exercise 5 days each week.
I'm not going to say how much each time, but I'd like some good cardio workouts and I'd also like to incorporate some weights and toning exercises. I'm going to have to figure out how to squeeze that into my schedule. Right now I'm contemplating begging my husbad to join me on this challenge - at 6:30 each morning. I'm not sure he will go for that! But that would be awesome:-)

#5. Read through the Bible in one year.
I'm excited about this goal. A few of my friends from church are doing this with me. So it will be good to have some accountability and company.

#6. Run a load of laundry a couple times throughout the weekdays.
I'd love to get a better system with this chore. I find I always save that dirty laundry until it is a mountainload of work. Definitely my least favorite and most procrastinated household chore.

#7. Budget updates daily.
I need to create a habit to ensure I keep inputting our spending daily, rather than waiting for it to pile up into a mountain of receipts.......kind of like the laundry:-)

#8. Count my blessing DAILY.
Oh this list is getting long, I know! But I KNOW this is something I MUST do. I can't skip out on this one! I will aim to note 500 blessings in the next 6 months. This one gets me excited:-)

I think that is enough "new" goals to add to my new year. On top of all the other top relationship priorities in my life - with my husband, kids, family, friends and others God may be calling me to. Life sure can be full & fun! Thank you Lord.

Sidetracked....

2011-11-29T04:38:00.000-08:00

...by sickness then busyness lately. No excuse for putting in half-hearted effort, but that is why I haven't been back here lately.

I see a connection between when I am intentional and prayerful (building promise upon promise towards victory) and when I'm passive and trying to just ignore the problem of my extra weight away (compromise upon compromises towards failure).

I feel discouraged. But I don't feel ready to give up. Today the Lord spoke a powerful jewel of a verse to me in my readings.

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14

Isn't that a cool verse?! As I read that verse, I was deeply deeply moved. It was one of those moments when I felt God reach down and personally say something to me.

I feel discouraged. I feel like this is an impossible battle to fight....especially when it means fighting this battle every single moment of every single day for the rest of my life. Yikes. That is a daunting task. I'm too discouraged to fight. I don't have the willpower, the strength, the motivation to fight the good fight.

But God will fight the fight for me! That's an amazing truth to let settle into the very crevices of my heart space.

And what am I to do? BE STILL.

On a practical level what does that look like for me?

I think it means I get up early each morning and take that time to meet with God and listen and be still. It means every choice in my day is characterized by a stillness before God, practicing His presence in every nook and cranny of every moment of my day. That thought excites me and scares me all at the same time.

But that is the fight. To be still. Before God. And He will work things out.

Ho Hum

2011-11-21T13:22:00.000-08:00

Yikes, the week has flown by. I've been in a bit of a funk. Good news is my weight has stayed exactly the same for exactly a week. Bad news is my weight has stayed exactly the same for exactly a week. I'm happy and unhappy all at the same time. Go figure.

Whatever the case, things have been going okay in the 0-5 eating department. A couple slips everyday, but also eating within 0-5 more than I have for the past year. So I have a ways to go, but also have made much progress.

Anyways, I am thankful for God's love and faithfulness. Over the past week He has REALLY blown me away as I've seen Him orchestrate things more than usual with people around me. I feel so thankful to be part of His plan, His instrument in many cases. Just REALLY exciting for me to observe and be part of.

I had a few bits of dessert on Saturday at a potluck we hosted at our house. When my daughter saw me put a bite in my mouth she was mortified and burst into tears. She has been going so strong with the sugar-free approach and said how she was counting on me to be doing it with her. Needless to say I've got the best accountability partner you can imagine! And I didn't put another bite in my mouth after that. Of course I don't want her to get food diet issues in her life, so I suggested we need to communicate ahead of time if we are going to be going outside our usual plan.

That's it for now. Time to run!

Made to Crave

2011-11-14T05:15:00.000-08:00

My supplementary reading thus far, since I started back on the TW journey mid-October, has been "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst then the TW workbook (just went through a week's reading each day - skipped the daily devo/questions) and now back to "Made to Crave" for a re-run as I think I can glean a bit more from this gem. So if you hear me bringing up "Made to Crave" again, that is why:-)

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"Is it possible we love and rely on food more than we love and rely on God?" (Made to Crave p.28)

A heavy duty question, isn't it?! I think I fall into this category more often than I'd like to admit.

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"God never intended for us to want anything more than we want Him." (Made to Crave p.29)

I have been studying the book of John lately and today's reading was smack dab in the middle of a major "food" theme! Chapter 6 recounts Jesus feeding the 5000. It includes the testimony of Jesus saying He is the BREAD OF LIFE, the LIVING BREAD.

Jesus says, "Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you.” (John 6:27)

Physical food --> spoils (a good reminder for me yet again!)
Spiritual food --> more specifically JESUS, endures to eternal life

Now I need this to REALLY go from my head to my heart. I need to chew on this one for awhile. I just find it so interesting how often God uses food analogies/examples throughout scripture. He definitely designed our physical hunger to shadow spiritual hunger. I find this very interesting. We are to made to CRAVE Him, to FEED on Him because He gives LIFE eternally!

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"I used my cravings for food as a prompting to pray." (Made to Crave p.30)

As I step into the day ahead, here is my prayer....

"Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my meditation. Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto thee will I pray. My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up." Psalm 5:1-3

We Crave what we Eat

2011-11-12T09:45:00.000-08:00

Interesting point to ponder (from "Made to Crave"). This can, of course, be true both physically and spiritually.

Physically, I'm finding that as I cut out high sugar items from my diet as I have done for the past month, that I'm beginning to adjust and be satisfied with fruit items to sweeten things up a bit for my taste buds. Especially bananas! I'm LOOOOVING bananas:-) They are finally getting used up before they turn black:-) The same can be said for salty items. If I just keep those chips away I'm okay with lower salt options...with less crunch. But when the chips are around and I really get into them.....well, needless to say, it's hard to stay self controlled....and I keep craving them and craving them! So I have to be careful what I fuel my body with. Because I want it to crave the good stuff:-) Not the treat stuff. The sweet & salty items can really act as triggers for me down the slippery slope to junky cravings....at least for this phase of my journey.

Spiritually, this definitely goes to the heart of the matter. The more we eat up God's truth, the more we will crave Him. The more I fill up on junky or fluff stuff to fill those spiritually or emotionally void places, the more I'll crave the junk and fluff. TV would be a good example for me. I definitely CRAVE some veg. time in front of the TV each evening. I'm not sure how to really turn the switch around to primarily crave time with God in those relaxation, veg. moments. I guess it may be similar to my battle with sugar. Gotta just carve out new habits to make way for new cravings? Fuel my spiritual cravings with Truth?

Woohoo!

2011-11-10T04:41:00.000-08:00

The number on the scale finally moved down another pound. This may not seem like a big deal, but I've been seeing the numbers on the scale stay stuck for the past two weeks, so this is very encouraging for me.

The past 10 days have been a challenge (in regards to healthy choices, boundaries, surrender to God). God has been teaching me many things as I struggled to continue persisting.

I feel hopeful that I am entering a new phase as I invite God into this space of my life more fully.

God is not finished with me yet! He continues His work until it is completed! He is transforming me more and more into His image each moment that I surrender to Him. What a joy it is to soak in this truth.

Remembered!

2011-11-09T20:00:00.000-08:00

Yay! I slipped away to the BR to pray before eating for both an afternoon snack and supper. I think there is something profound about this act. I can see how God will use these times to strengthen me and bring me to a surrender point and guide me. I may be able to actually experience some victory and headway in HIS STRENGTH!

Whoops!

2011-11-09T10:12:00.000-08:00

Already hit with the forgetting habit. I was definitely rumbly hungry for lunch when I was at work this morning. As soon as I walked in the door at home I grabbed my lunch. Whoops! I was aiming to go to the BR and lay it before the Lord before digging into any meal.

A good reminder for me how easily I forget! A reminder not to forget:-) Hopefully I don't forget the reminder not to forget:-)

Prayer

2011-11-09T05:08:00.000-08:00

What a messy past 8 days it has been with eating. Ugh. I know my blog has been reflective of that heart space I'm in. It is definitely discouraging. However I am NOT giving up! One clear observation I make is that I FAR too often go in my own strength....which is basically on empty! I don't engage in warring the strongholds of these fleshly desires to eat outside 0-5 because I don't have the strength to do it.

And I KNOW the secret to winning this battle is to go in GOD'S strength. And it's not like that conclusion just hit me today or anything! I've known this for years. But to actually apply it eludes me time and again. Sometimes just out of a forgetting habit and sometimes out of outright rebellion.

So here is where I step from today onwards for a time. I'll give account for how this has gone each day because I think it is very important. Here is the step I know I must take....

Every single time BEFORE I eat anything...I will remove myself from the temptation zone and go to my bedroom and pray, approaching the throne of grace with confidence because I trust that God will meet me in my time of need with His mercy and grace and I know He will help me (Hebrews 4:16). I can trust His word. I can trust Him. I trust Him to guide me in this process, each choice, each step of the way.

Observe & Correct

2011-11-06T05:50:00.001-08:00

This past week has felt like a string of failures. Here are some observations & corrections I made this morning in my meditations.

My main question to myself was -
What are the triggers?
Can I pinpoint anything that has particularly drawn me down the slippery slope?

And I was easily easily easily able to identify the main problem.

LEFTOVERS - not just any leftovers....but rather leftovers from "take out" food - last Monday it was chinese food and this weekend it was pizza.

I don't believe it is wrong to order or to eat these foods. However, I am seeing some patterns developing.

Observations:

#1.) I am greedy. I don't want anyone else in the family to eat "my portion." So I jump the gun and eat it early in the day. That is a very very honest look at my heart. Not a pretty sight.

#2.) I am tired (from work, from errands etc.) and am weak and vulnerable to the cravings for these taste-bud ticklers:-)

Corrections:

#1.) If I save eating these kind of rich meals for supper rather than lunch (or breakfast!) then I usually can eat it in a balanced way. I usually create a bit of a plan for the day in regards to what I will eat (though I don't stick to it legalistically). I need to STICK TO THE PLAN! When I come to the fridge, feeling weak and vulnerable to these temptations, I really, really, really need to MOVE AWAY and take a time out with God, move to another room, pray and seek God's renewing of the mind.

#2.) On a very practical level, I should divide the food up (or at least my portion) into a container so I don't need to "worry" about it being gone by the time supper comes by. That may help me keep my resolve to save it for dinner, which I know helps me stay more balanced for the day.

Lord, thank you for these insights. Thank you for your grace. Thank you for your forgiveness. And thank you for waiting for me with open arms. Thank you for giving me a fresh start moment by moment. Amen.

THIS moment is new!

2011-11-06T05:40:00.000-08:00

I really found TW workbook week 8 intro spoke to my heart. Reading the story of Gideon and insights into that story, hit me in a new way.

"The Lord is with you, mighty warrior" Judges 6:12

I find it quite amazing that God called Gideon a "mighty warrior" when he was cowering and hiding from God. That encourages me. I tend to feel anything but a mighty warrior, but I know that in God's strength alone I am just that! Amazing!

I was also moved by this verse,

"I will wait until you return." Judges 6:18b

God waits for me! I can feel that to the core of my being time and again. I know He is just waiting for me with open arms. So why on earth do I make Him wait?! It's crazy!

And finally, I really appreciated this statement in the workbook,

"You may have 'blown it' a moment ago, but this moment is new." pg 49

More about THAT in my next post..... :-)

Practical Points

2011-11-06T05:30:00.001-08:00

Here are some practical (mainly physiological) points I've taken from my TW workbook readings weeks 1-6:

- eat half portions
- watch beverages (they are calories)
- eat really small snacks
- let God have final word
- see how little I can eat
- move the food away
- put the fork down, enjoy the task
- practice leaving food on my plate
- fist size amounts of food
- prayerful fasting
- it's okay to skip a meal every now and then
- create an appealing table setting
- leave food at counter & serve individual portions
- at a restaurant ask for carry out container ahead of time
- reevaluate #5 (satisfaction)
- eating out? skip a meal that day to be at a sure #0 for the occasion
- rehearse for success
- tell yourself you are a "delicate eater" who prefers small portions
- let Go lead food choices
- dress for dinner (essentially don't wear your "fat" clothes to make room for food)
- use a knife and fork for foods usually eaten by hand (ex. pizza)
- coin reward for 0-5 successes
- take a time out when tempted....move away, pray etc
- be thankful
- Resist Satan. Draw near to God.

And the basic building blocks that I need to remember are the....

KEYS TO CONSCIOUS EATING
1.) Eat only when my body is hungry.
2.) Reduce the number of distractions in order to eat in a calm environment.
3.) Eat when sitting down.
4.) Eat when my body and mind are relaxed.
5.) Eat and drink the food and beverages my body enjoys.
6.) Pay attention to my food while eating.
7.) Eat slowly and savor each bite.
8.) Stop before my body is "full."

Stand Firm

2011-11-04T05:54:00.000-07:00

So a quick update on Wednesday night. I don't feel it was a 100% success in the sense that I didn't reach a strong sense of hunger by late evening. There was a little edge to hunger and so I had some cheese toast, carrots and an orange before bed. If I had been a real clear "0" I would have felt more headway had been made.

I woke up the next day still feeling discouraged. I was frustrated with the # on th scale. I was frustrated with my lack of self control and compulsive nature with food. I was feeling like progress was just not tangible even as I put such effort into being intentional in this area and seeking God's healing.

And God gave me His word as I came to Him broken.

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1

"...for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." Philipians 2:13

He said, "Christina, stand firm and don't let yourself be burdened again by the yoke of slavery. For it is I, GOD, who is working in you to WILL and to ACT according to My good purpose."

So I pray God will work this out first of all in my WILL, that He would provide me with the desire to do His will and give Him 100% of my heart space and secondly that He will move me to ACT in doing His will.

And last night I experienced a mini victory. I was going out with some girlfriends to a restaurant. I really didn't know what to order as I am still trying to limit super sugary things from my diet. I enjoyed the company of my friends....and ordered sweet potato fries with a garlic aeoli sauce. Oh my! I didn't feel "deprived" of sugar in the least!!!! :-) And my order of fries ended up being the biggest hit around the table (as I shared them with everyone...another mini victory) and a couple of them proceeded to order them too:-) Praise God for these little blessings and moment of freedom. :-)

Craving...

2011-11-02T13:21:00.000-07:00

sugar? I think that must be what I'm going through right now. Once again at lunch I had a reasonable portion of food and felt fairly satisfied. But then I had the cravings hit me full force..... I just wanted sugar in all honesty. I had my eye on some chocolate. I bypassed the sugary treats. However, instead I started grasping at other stuff - some casserole I had just finished preparing for supper, toast with pbutter & honey...... I didn't feel past #5, and my tummy actually felt that really contented feeling. But I know it was far more fuel than my body needed for 5 hours.

So, where do I go from here?

For starters, Lord I am sorry for not seeking Your face again. I want to crave YOU first and foremost. And second, I am committed to waiting for the next wave of hunger. No snacking tonight unless I'm hungry! I'll come back and give account in that regard.

Chinese food...

2011-11-01T20:32:00.000-07:00

.....has definitely been part of my downfall today. Craved more last night. Waited it out. Couldn't wait until supper. Ate it for lunch. Along with some other stuff. Some of it healthy. Some of it not (though still avoiding the sugary stuff). Knew I'd regret it later in the day. Feeling compulsive. I was going to bypass supper. But then still craving food, food, food.....anything in sight!

Is this a reaction to the number on the scale after being so consistent this week (a very miniscule amount of weight released)?

Is it something related to my TOM?

Is it a reaction to halloween extravagances surrounding me?

Or could it just be eating chinese food for lunch....which really wasn't a wise choice for me because I knew I'd never be hungry in time for supper that way?

So, to bed I go. Thankful for a loving, forgiving, faithful, merciful Heavenly Father. Thankful for family and friends. Thankful for a warm house. Thankful for my jobs. Thankful:-)

Halloween

2011-10-31T20:01:00.000-07:00

Praise God for the strength to get through this day without falling outside of 0-5 or "sugar-free" boundaries. I was careful with my eating all day. Enjoyed delicious chinese take-out for dinner with our friends. Then the kids went out trick or treating with the dads. And I got to savour a cup of raspberry tea with a visit with my friend. I actually didn't even feel tempted by all the goodies! Seems impossible! But it's true! I just feel like God is really doing a new thing in my heart. And I find that very exciting.

However, right about now I'm really really craving some chinese food leftovers. But my tummy is feeling in a satisfied and content state so no need. I think heading to bed would be a much much wiser and happier choice:-)

This Weekend...

2011-10-31T04:55:00.000-07:00

Friday
I did not snack in the evening. Instead I got to work scrubbing my kitchen down from head to toe:-)

Saturday
Got a really long brisk walk in at the start of the day. I sure enjoy walking with music blasting through my itouch. Always very encouraging. I did okay with 0-5 eating for the majority of the day. However in the evening we had friends over to watch a hockey game and I munched on chips & salsa more than I should have. Should have just set aside a portion and stopped at that portion.

Sunday
Once again was pretty much staying within 0-5 eating. And sugar is still off my menu.

Right now I'm battling a little frustration at the #'s on the scale, the classic danger zone. I still feel weighing in regularily is the right thing for me to do. It hasn't sent me spiralling into that pendulum swing zone as of yet (going from eating healthy to falling right off the band wagon!). I think it has some benefits for me at this time. So I cautiously continue.

So, that's my weekend in terms of health kinda stuff. Now to battle it out with halloween today! Since I'm staying free of sugary treats I feel hopeful I won't feel the way I usually feel at halloween - compulsive, guilty, a bit sick to the stomach from too much sweets.... I'm free to enjoy the moments we share rather than be bogged down by all those feelings. Praise God!

Gatekeeper of the Home

2011-10-29T06:29:00.000-07:00

First of all, after my snacking incident Thursday night, I managed to get fully back on track Friday. Praise praise praise God! I just am so thankful for His mercies and faithfulness and strength.

I was watching a talk show on Thursday night on the topic of overweight children and a guest was mentioning how moms are like the gatekeeper of the house in terms of the kinds of food that enter the house, get prepared etc. This really convicted me on the need to do a better job in this area.

And the conviction goes a little deeper when I see how impressionable my 12 year old daughter is. Ever since I began making intentional healthy choices and watching my hunger and fullness and cutting out sugar.....she has been emulating my behavior. She has been watching. She has been inspired. She has been making the same healthy choices. I'm so encouraged to see this in her..... And convicted as I know I've been a setback to her for far too many years.

I've always been pretty careful about making sure healthy foods enter the home and I prepare well rounded healthy meals to enjoy around the table. But I've also allowed sugary treats to become too much of a centerpiece in our home. So this is the area I have a responsibility to set up guard in. This is an encouraging and challenging thought. And I can already see the positive results when I step up to the plate and do my job:-)

Flee!

2011-10-28T05:00:00.000-07:00

Last night was disappointing for me because my old self reared its ugly head. I am surprised how wrong it felt after only 2+ weeks or so of healthy habits. I guess the fact that it felt so wrong is the silver lining :-) In the past I went numb to all feelings of remorse as quickly as possibly.

"I can make the choice to identify my shortcomings and, instead of using them against myself, hand them over to Jesus and let Him chisel my rough places. The grace-filled way Jesus chisels is so vastly different than the way I beat on myself. My beatings are full of exaggerated lies that defeat. His chiseling is full of truth that sets me free." Made to Crave by Lysa Terkheurst

Observation: I'm not sure why I was snacking last night. I grabbed a handful of cereal (special K strawberry cereal - which is pretty close to the crossing the sugary borderline for me...possibly why it was drawing me in) and that one handful led to another to another and then finally to a couple mini bowls of cereal and milk. It felt compulsive, magnetic, impossible to avoid....

Correction: I was MADE FOR MORE. I was made for victory, made to pursue holiness, made to GLORIFY GOD. And moments like these are NOT the moments to turn off the Holy Spirit's promptings. Rather these are the promptings to PRAY and seek His strength! Next time I grab a handful of anything when I'm not hungry FLEE! Pray, read the Bible, blog, journal my thoughts, listen to music, go for a walk, do some music homework........FLEE!

Boundaries for Freedom

2011-10-26T18:39:00.001-07:00

"I have these boundaries in place not for restriction but to define the parameters of my freedom. My brokenness can't handle more freedom than this right now. And I'm good with that." Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst

I'm finding this concept so interesting right now. I never thought I'd see the day when I'd ever actually CONSIDER cutting sugar consumption (to the degree I am now). I thought the higher road (which was actually my own rationalization) was to work on eating it in moderation.

But I'm coming to realize how broken I truly am in this area. Really broken. My whole diet (referring to everything I eat, not a plan) gets all of whack when I open the door even a crack to sugary temptations. I seem to be unable to manage it in moderation...at least for now.

And I feel a kind of freedom I haven't felt in a long long long long time....if ever.

I guess boundaries can really define freedom, as reflected in the opening quote.

Anyways, I just feel amazed to feel free! Underneath it all I am certainly a little nervous about what this means long term, but right now I feel thankful for God's nudgings :-)

I'm still here!

2011-10-25T19:42:00.001-07:00

Boy things can get busy sometimes! But I am still here! I'm not wavering:-)

A few positive things to note....

* a box of chocolates is sitting in this very room next to me and I'm not even tempted in the least! Woohoo! I can't imagine staying free of chocolate for life, but at this point, I can see some great value in this boundary.

* I'm officially down 5lbs since I started two weeks ago. Maybe not as fast of a pace as previous years, but the number is going down and more importantly I can see many positive changes.

* This is day number 11 sugar-free (my version of sugar-free that is! avoiding most obvious common sugary things........which is primarily things like dessert and jam and sweetened yogurts....that kinda stuff). Jon is super impressed:-) He doesn't think I've ever gone this many days like this before.

* I continue making the choice most days of the week to move my body:-) This involves bypassing driving the van to work and rather taking my bike or walking (which is a pretty short distance but is better than driving and gets me a solid 15-30 minutes of exercise each day depending whether I walk or ride bike).

* God is so awesome! I just really enjoy spending time with Him each morning:-) A great way to wake up:-)

This Weekend...

2011-10-23T19:12:00.000-07:00

Weekends are always the toughest part of the week for me in regards to self-control and discipline. So I think it will be a good practice for me to update this blog at the end of each weekend to have some form of accountability.

Friday night:
I grabbed for some snacking stuff at 9:30pm. Went for some leftover sweet potato fries (which I must say were absolutely delicious...haven't made those in awhile!) and some crackers. All of this was outside of 0-5 (hunger and satisfaction)....which is disappointing.

Saturday:
Got out for a walk with my husband in the a.m. which was a treat. Waited for hunger for breakfast/lunch....turned into a brunch meal as a result. However, I guess the amount I ate was not the correct amount of fuel for my body and so I wasn't quite at "0" for supper, but still ate with the family. In the evening I went to my nephew's party and bypassed the delicious looking chocolate cake. Had a bit of fruit instead. Mission accomplished:-)

Sunday:
Waited for hunger at the start of the day again....and once again had to wait until lunch to be hungry. And finally by later in the evening I had some supper when I was pretty much at "0". Bypassed sweet treats at my piano recital. Again mission accomplished:-) Praise God!

Observations:

#1. It's much easier to not feel mastered by sugar when I'm just making a clear decisive decision to steer completely clear of the stuff. My kids are watching me very closely, asking me if this or that has sugar in it. Nothing like a bit of pressure to live up to their expectations! And my eldest daughter is trying to limit her sugar to a more moderate amount. The kids both find it fascinating and almost unbelievable that I can make it through halloween season without candy! So I've got some proving to do:-) Challenge on! God has definitely been speaking to me in regards to sugar for some time. I'm a little bit afraid to think about what He will be calling me to do long term....but will just take it one step at a time.

#2. I need to tweak the amounts I'm eating for lunches as it is clearly a little bit more fuel than needed to last a couple hours. And obviously I'm overdoing it a little bit at supper or evening as I haven't been hungry for breakfast at a reasonable time the past few days.

Daily Provisions

2011-10-23T06:52:00.000-07:00

I know I'm not going to be able to do justice to recap the latest chapter I've been reading in "Made to Crave" but I'll try to give a very quick summary....because it really was a good reminder.

God provided the Israelites with all they needed each day with manna and quail. They were not to take more than they needed for each day, but rather to depend on Him daily to provide for their needs. But they struggled to do just that....and took more than they needed (greedy? anxious? I'm not sure why). Sounds a lot like someone I know:-)

As a result God had them wander the desert for 40 years so they could learn to depend on Him.

Yikes! I don't want to wander for 40 years to learn my lesson to depend on God. Though come to think of it I've already spent 14 years of my life of God putting this lesson on my radar.

I appreciate this story in the bible as it is a good reminder that GOD PROVIDES. And not only that...but He actually WANTS TO PROVIDE and desires that I depend on Him each day - for my food, for strength, for self-control, for love, for joy, for peace, for contentment, for peace......and more!

What a beautiful, awesome, loving God we serve!

"Open wide your mouth and I will fill it." Psalm 81:10

Planning Ahead

2011-10-22T15:42:00.000-07:00

So tonight is my nephew's bday celebration. I'm perfectly full (or more rightly, "satisfied") and content with my supper meal. I don't need more fuel for my body. I'm going to somehow choose to bypass food tonight. I may nibble on a few bites of fruit if that is available but I won't touch chips/cake/crackers etc. I need to remember

"Christina, you were MADE FOR MORE."

A good reminder that God has made me to crave Him, to fill up on Him, to experience victory in Him...not be sucked in by temporal pleasures.

Lord, help me be self-controlled and alert and surrendered to You. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is what life is about. Help me live within Your blessed boundaries. Thank you Lord for all Your provisions. Amen.

Tying My Happy to the Wrong Things

2011-10-22T05:39:00.000-07:00

This was one of the points in the latest chapter I'm reading in "Made to Crave". This point really resonated.

Far too often I tie my happy to food and vegging in front of the TV. Oftentimes hand in hand.

God wants me to tie my happy to HIM ALONE. A good reminder.

Observations

2011-10-21T04:57:00.000-07:00

I have a few random observations and thoughts I want to share this morning.

First of all, Wednesday night I REALLY battled to beat the temptation of chocolate chips. And, thank the Lord for helping me withstand the temptation! I made it through victorious. The next morning I stepped on the scale (which I find is a helpful routine for myself....I know for many this is NOT productive in their journey). Anyways, I was less almost 2 lbs from the day before. I was thankful I made it through the temptation and was able to know these choices make a difference.

Second, I am reminded this morning once again that I eat whenever I'm tired - from work, from a long day, from hosting, from emotions..... I eat to experience a pick-me-up. I've come up with other options before, but it's hard for them to stick. This is one area I will definitely need to address and seek the Lord on.

Lastly, I am heading into the weekend. I know that bday cake is on the horizon on Saturday night as I celebrate my nephew's birthday.

And I know that weekends in general are
....more social (which comes hand in hand with more sugary treats present and makes it hard to stay within 0-5)
....less routine and my sleep gets all out of whack as I stay up later (which makes me more tired, which leads me to eat when I shouldn't)

I love weekends, but I know they present challenges in my journey. So I seek God this weekend and pray for His help.

Lord, I lay this all before You. I pray that I may turn to You when I'm tired. Show me the better way out of these moments of temptation and weakness. And Father, this weekend I pray that You would help me remain obedient to Your will. Help me steer clear of doing things my way this weekend. Help me keep my eyes fixed on Your will. Take up all my heartspace I pray. Amen.

Thankful for Extra Pounds!

2011-10-20T05:01:00.000-07:00

What a crazy title for this post! I have been arriving at the point this past 6 months where I actually feel a sense of thankfulness for the extra weight struggle to keep off....or more accurately GET OFF my body! This has been the story of my life. I've always been the bigger one of the group or family. Here is a quote I read this morning from "Made to Crave":

"When I get all caught up in how unfair it is that my friend is skinny and doesn't have to work at it, how she can eat what she wants when she wants, and how much it stink that I can't be like her. I remind myself that God didn't make me to be her. You see, He knew even before I was born that I could easily allow food to be an idol in my life, that I would go to food, instead of to Him, to fulfill my needs. And in His great wisdom, He created my body so that it would experience the consequences of such a choice, so that I would continually be drawn back into His arms. He wants me to come to Him for fulfillment, emotional healing, comfort--and if I could go to food for that and never gain an ounce, well then, what would I need God for?"

I been coming to the same conclusion lately.

Another quote from "Made to Crave":
"Compromise built upon compromise equals failure... [P]romise upon promise creates empowerment."

When I dwell on God's promises and Word, calling out to Him, He empowers me to change and be set free from slavery to this sin of gluttony and greed. That is what I want to see happen in my life. Just like I said yesterday, I want God to have 100% of my heartspace:-)

One Step

2011-10-19T18:00:00.000-07:00

One step at a time, with God's help, I'm going to beat this slavery to sugar.

My goal is to make it past halloween sugar-free. I think I need a good cushion of a couple weeks after halloween to actually successfully avoid those sugary treats. I haven't made a long term decision about sugar yet.....but for now, the one step I'm aiming to take is to make it mid-November sugar-free.

Tonight I'm really craving it. I've gone 5 days now. It's crazy how hard it is! I'm praying it gets easier!

On the plus side, I'm really enjoying the foods I'm eating. I've tried to keep the variety up. And I've had lots of really good-for-you healthy foods. It feels good to fuel my body this way.

Thank you Lord for helping me each step of the way. May You be glorified!

Undivided Heart

2011-10-19T04:53:00.000-07:00

Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. Psalm 86:11

This is my prayer for today. That I may have a heart that is 100% fully dedicated to God.

I was reading the story of the woman at the well. And Jesus spoke of the kind of water He offers, the kind that is a "spring of water welling up to eternal life." I desire for the abundant life that Jesus offers believers to LEAP up and SPRING up in my life and OVERFLOW to the world around me.

As I seek to surrender my gluttonous desires to the Lord, I am learning to draw near to Him more. I've been setting my alarm for extra early each morning to take time to draw near to Him and meditate. What a blessing that has been. He is at work. I pray He will continue to take over more and more of my heart's space:-) And that from there His life would overflow into every area of my life and to the world around me.

Craving Sugar!

2011-10-17T18:41:00.000-07:00

Oh boy, my craving for sugar hit me full force tonight! I've been snacking on other things hoping to fill that void....but of course that doesn't work! And of course that is not going to help me lose weight!

I'm done for the night. No more to eat. My body has had enough. And I've made it through my third sugar-free day. Yikes, this is hard! And halloween is still coming. How much harder is that going to be. I must keep my eyes on the goal (freedom, victory from the burden of sin and a lighter body in the long run)...... How easily I tend to crave and cave.

Father, help me stay focused on Your will and the power and intimacy You offer me every step of the way.

Rewards & Motivation

2011-10-16T18:51:00.000-07:00

I have been pushing my case to Jon for a couple weeks that we should get a new bed. We moved into a new home this past April and now have a room that can be a dedicated guest bedroom (and also acts as a computer room for the kids and Jon). Prior to this, every time our in-laws visited we either had to give up our bed and sleep in the basement rec room on a futon bed or else my in-laws would take my eldest daughter's bed and we'd throw a mattress on the ground in her sister's room for her to sleep on. We all miss our beds and our space when this happens..... And the futon, which is now in the guest bedroom awaiting company, is SOOOO rock hard and squished thin and really does not seem "honoring" to Jon's parents when they come to visit. So I've been pushing for this new bed. Our current bed, which is in good shape despite being used for 15 years, would move to the guest room and we'd get a new bed (maybe a KING size since we now have more room in our master bedroom too! ooh! that would be awesome).

However, Jon has not been convinced that we should get this bed ASAP prior to his parent's next visit (which we expect will be after christmas).

So I presented a savings plan to him:-) *wink* wink* (of course money doesn't grow on trees, but there is some give and flexibility in our budgetting...and of course less food eaten by me means more $$ saved from our regular spending)

So here is the plan he agreed to.... For every pound I lose $10 goes into the savings plan. For every sugar-free day I can manage to get through an additional $5 goes into the savings plan!

This new plan allows me to stay motivated and kind of "earn" what I've been begging for....and Jon certainly feels happy to help me stay motivated and reward all the hard work. AND my in-laws will soon have a good bed to sleep on in their own room every time they visit which I think is honoring to them, especially at their age. Win win I would say:)

So my weight release and cutting the sugar addiction will be helping me get a new bed:-)

So far I've gone two days sugar-free. When I say sugar free I'm not meaning miniscual amounts of sugar in so many products, but rather things that are added sugar - like sugar in coffee/tea, jam on bread, sweetened cereals, dessert items. So far, between weight released and sugar free days I've tucked away $20:-)

Made for More

2011-10-15T07:04:00.000-07:00

I've been reading a book entitled "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst. In my reflections are scattered some of the phrases she uses in this book.

"Made for more" is one of them. The truth that God made me for victory, made me to crave Him, made me to know Him is very exciting! I will be taking this truth with me into the day ahead.

I realized today that I don't REALLY believe that God can give me the power to turn away from the draw of sugar. I don't REALLY believe He can give me victory over eating a bowl of ice cream that is calling my name. This is a problem because the truth is that He CAN give me victory....and here I don't believe Him! I need to start letting that truth sink deep into my soul. Lord teach me!

Before I sign off, here are a few verses I read today...

"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe." Ephesians 1:17-19

We are to "keep asking" our "glorious Father" as His children with new identities in Him, so that we may "know him better" and so we may see His power available to His children. Pretty amazing truths. I know that God uses my weaknesses to draw me closer, to make me crave Him more, to teach me to rely on His strength and power not mine. So I guess I should be thankful in some sort of way that I have this pesky battle all these years.

Prompted to Pray

2011-10-14T06:21:00.000-07:00

It's staring me straight in the face....all that extra weight, my rebellion...and trying so hard to ignore the signs!

No more. It's time to be intentional. It's time to be prayerful. It is time to use God's wonderful design of hunger to prompt me to PRAY! Cry out to Him. Depend on Him.

I experienced a fair number of victories yesterday, praise God. I made a plan at the beginning of the day as to what I'd eat (approximately anyways). I stuck with the plan for the most part. However, in the evening I strayed a bit (outside of fullness as well as outside of my original plan) as I reached out to sugar, sugar, sugar......more sugar.

I definitely have a problem relationship with sugar. Can I eat it in moderation? I have in the past, though it still has reared its ugly head at times. Can I do that again? Stop at one cookie? A small piece of cake or pie? etc. etc. A question I need to ponder and pray about.

Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God. John 1:12

Lord I believe You help us overcome darkness and sin. Today I receive You and choose to surrender to Your rule and reign in my life. Today I choose to follow You. Open my eyes to Your calling in my life each step of the way. Show me where you want me to walk, what you want me to say, what you want me to do. I pray that You would be glorified through my life lived for You. Thank You for accepting me as Your child. What a beautiful mystery! In Jesus name, amen.

Back...Again

2011-10-13T05:54:00.000-07:00

I'm back....once again. I don't really have much spare time in my life nowadays. However, I think I can spare a few minutes each day to reflect here.

My weight has increased once again and I've now officially hit the 200 lb mark. *yikes* Scary to say the least! Though not a surprise as I've been slipping closer and closer to that mark over the past year.

Embarrassing. Feelings of shame and failure. Feelings of defeat. Feelings of the impossibility of making headway. And the list could go on and on.

God is doing so many awesome things in my heart and life right now. I'm so incredibly encouraged and excited about where God has been leading our family and ministry. And yet this one area (of gluttony and ultimately overweight) hangs over me....and feelings of doubt that God can help me gain victory over sin hangs over me. Yet I know this is not true. I know He can and will provide victory. I just must throw myself at His feet more and more and more until my heart begins to align with His heart. He will change me. He began a good work in me years and years and years earlier....and He will bring it to completion. I must trust Him.

So I am prompted to pray. Prompted to seek God. Prompted to wake up earlier each and every morning to draw near to my Savior.

I'm not sure what this stretch of the journey is going to look like. I've been here before and left before I hardly got started. But this is a new stretch. A new day. A new start.

New Year, New Start

2011-01-02T12:15:00.000-08:00

I think I'm going to start using this blog again.... This blog reflects my history and my experience. I think it is time to stop running away from that history and experience....and the feelings of failure it evokes.

The Lord is reminding me that I need to commit my ways to Him. I need to surrender. I need prioritize HIM in my life. To be brutally honest I have spent very little of my time, energy or focus on time with the Lord or on His purposes over the past year or more. It's been an empty and hollow kind of year, with a longing to go back and be close to Papa once again....but feeling pulled in so many directions I don't even get on the path. It's not that I've lost faith or that I've stopped reading the Bible or fellowshipping or praying.... It's just not been my #1 priority. I've just been flailing around in surviving-life kind of mode.

So, this year I want to commit my ways to the Lord and return to a place of spiritual and also physical health.

TW Workbook #2 - week 2 review

2009-11-30T09:15:00.001-08:00

The most significant thing God taught me this week:
My body is not my own. It's amazing for me to contemplate that the Holy Spirit actually sets up residence within me. Oh how I need to allow Him, the Ruler of the universe, to be Ruler and King in my own life, to honor Him, to seek Him, to be WILLING to surrender, to not harden myself with the sin of gluttony, to allow His kingdom come His will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.

At least one change that has occurred in my life since last week at this time:
I am beginning to become more aware once again of #5 (satisfaction) approaching.

The most significant thing that God helped me to observe this week that I will focus on correcting next week:

* Seek Him MORE.

* And begin to APPLY honoring Him with my body on a practical level. The things that I felt God speaking to me in this regard are:
1.) Allow my body to be a living sacrifice in total surrender to Him - give Him ALL OF ME.
2.) Serve Him by serving others. My body can be used by Him - my feet to carry me to places He wants me to go, my lips to encourage and bless others, my hands to care for others, my arms to hug, my ears to listen...etc.
3.) Put good stuff in my body - fruits & veggies, less sugar
4.) Eat only what my body needs.
5.) Move my body so I can stay healthy and strong and serve others.
God created my body and life with a purpose in mind. I need to keep this perspective.

Here is something I felt was a challenge and encouragement to me that was posted here on the TW forum:

1) to speak a heartfelt prayer before we eat (more than just a blessing) inviting Jesus to join us for the meal while being mindful that Jesus is our unseen guest at the meal. If Jesus were really there...eating with us in the flesh, He wouldn't be gorging Himself with food...He's be looking at us, smiling, and focusing on us. We are going to try and do the same...focusing on Him, while sharing a meal together.

2) By putting the fork down in between bites, it's as if we are pausing for conversation with Him...thanking Him for His provision of the food and focusing more on Him than on the food. In the course of the meal, we are asking Him to reveal His plans and purposes for us. We're listening to what He has to say...as we share this meal together.

This is what we're hoping for...to be obedient to whatever He has to say
to us!

What I have learned about the character of God as sovereign and good, and how I have come to know and be drawn closer to Him:
I am struck again and again by how He truly is ABOVE ALL....Ruler, King, All-knowing, All-powerful. And on top of all that He is GOOD. He is gracious and kind. And I desire to praise Him name and bring glory to Him in every way possible.

My prayer requests:
#1. To not overindulge this week as I head up a homemade chocolate making night at church. Lot of temptations will be lying around.
#2. To be surrendered at all times, to have an undivided heart, to walk in His truth. LOOK, ASK, WALK.

My praise and thanksgiving thoughts:
God is good. I am so thankful for His graciousness, His kindness and mercy. And I am thankful for His purposes. I'm also so thankful for His promise to bring His good work to completion in me one day. That is such an encouragement to me. I cling to Him. I press on.

TW Workbook #1 - week 1 review

2009-11-22T03:08:00.000-08:00

This week's readings have been like water to my soul. It's been so refreshing and has given me fresh glimpses of God's heart. God has spoken to me many times over the past week. I thought I'd share my thoughts from "Review of the Week" here. I think this may be a good way to reflect on what I have learned.

The most significant things God taught me this week:

#1. He will build again.

"I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel." Jeremiah 31:4

I felt God's words to Israel being spoken to my soul. Though I am broken and have slipped and slid into the muck and mire of greed and given my heart's affections to something other than the Lord...He woos me back and promises to continue the good work He started and will build me up again.

#2. God loves me and pursues me. He is the initiator of love.

"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.....We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:8-10, 19

#3. God knows me yet loves me.

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord." Psalm 139:1-4

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners he died for us." Romans 5:8
God knows me. I mean REALLY knows me. He knows everything about me, the good stuff and the bad. He even knows the sins I will commit in the future. Yet He loves me. This has touched me deeply. It was a WOW moment to let this settle into my heart. My perfectionism sometimes pushes me to feel I must perform to be acceptable. Yet this is not the case. He first loved us...and that was (is) when we're stuck in the muck and mire of sin.

#4. He wants me to experience the abundant life, life to the full. His riches are available to me, as a child of His kingdom.

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10
"..the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory." Colossians 1:27

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive in Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up in Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:4-9

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

#5. Look, Ask, Walk.

"Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls." Jeremiah 6:16

#6. Seek God - call, come, pray. And God promises He will listen and we will find Him.

"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity." Jeremiah 29:12-13

These verses reminded me of the following illustration:

God created us for intimacy with Him. Because of sin, each of us has broken the fellowship that God longs to have with us. His complete holiness and our unholiness naturally repel each other. I often describe the kinetics of this relationship like two magnets. What happens when you have two magnets and you bring them together, north pole to north pole? They repel each other. It is just the natural way of things. You can force them very close together, but you can't keep them that way because they naturally repel each other. But what happens if one of the magnets turns around? What happens when you bring the two magnets together, north pole to south pole? The very same principle of magnetism that made them repel each other before, now makes them attract. They come together with an upstoppable force. It is just the natural way of things. ("Secrets Jesus Shared" workbook by Jennifer Kennedy Dean pg 134)
Isn't that beautiful? I have been chewing on this illustration for the past week or so. I feel challenged to turn to Him and live being loved.

My experience in waiting for and finding hunger this first week of TW:
For the most part I've experienced victory in waiting for #0 this week.

The most significant thing that God helped me to observe this week that I will focus on correcting next week.
Look. Ask. Walk. (Jeremiah 6:16) Apply this truth in moments of temptation.
This upcoming week I also feel challenged on a practical level to reduce the size of my dishes, which in turn should reduce portion sizes, which ultimately I hope helps me discover satisfaction (#5) with less food. I also don't want to be mastered by food and therefore don't want to rush to the food the second my body feels hunger pangs, but rather to seek God in those moments and be asking for Him to guide me and give me self-control as I fuel my body. I feel challenged to respect this body that He has gifted me with and stop at #5.

What I have learned about the character of God as love and jealous, and how I have come to know and be drawn closer to him:
He pursues me. He wants the best for me. He has a plan and purpose for me. He longs for me to tap into the abundant life that He makes available to me~Christ in me! He is saddened and jealous when my affections lie elsewhere, when my heart is divided.

My prayer requests:

To experience peace. To fall into a rhythm again. But most of all to carve out constant time with the Lord and to have an undivided heart.

My praise and thanksgiving thoughts:
He knows yet loves! Wow! That is worth praise! And He indwells and offers me the abundant life. Thank you, Lord.

A new promise

2009-11-18T04:44:00.001-08:00
How strange this "thin within" journey has been!

Long and winding, perserverance and endurance is essential. This is not for the faint of heart, not a quick solution, not a quick fix. This journey, in drawing nearer to God, aligning my heart with His, seeking to surrender my whole body to His will, is a life long journey.

Sometimes it has been smooth sailing. Was I relying on self-effort alone in those times I have to wonder? As I set up so many goals for myself and formed plans for myself...I am left to ponder if I was trying to do it on my own much of the time. Yet success on a level was tasted. I lost 24 lbs, after years of being unable to make headway. I drew very near to God and experienced relationship with Him on a daily basis in the most intimate and special way ever in my lifetime.

Yet sometimes this journey has been bumpy beyond imagination, sliding down mucky slopes, falling into deep ravines where hope seems far away... I swing from one side of the pendulum to the other, completely giving up and no longer even trying. It just feels too hard. It feels too exhausting. It feels too restrictive. It feels too impossible. The pull of my fleshly desires is magnetic.

And the weight crept back on slowly but surely. And my heart feels like there is a wall between God and I. I feel like I am so near, but so far. I feel like my heart's affections are just not set on HIM. Certainly not on Him alone. My heart is divided I guess. Oh Lord, give me an undivided heart I pray.

I thought "The Lord's Table" study would help me get back on track. But I began to feel like a club of condemnation was constantly hitting me over the head and finally decided to set it aside. I could feel myself becoming legalistic and controlling. The first time I worked through the material I did not feel this way. I embraced the teaching and followed 0-5 eating as my eating schedule and grew spiritually by leaps and bounds. But this time round it just felt different. I don't know how to explain it except that it felt forced.

I decided to order the TW workbook #1 after this realization hit me. It arrived in the mail last night and I already started gobbling it up:-) I had read the TW book format so many times it had become too familiar to really take root in my heart again. I needed a fresh look at the TW (and most importantly biblical) teachings that have resonated with me so many times over the past two years. I am NOT disappointed! Wow, I am hit anew with so many things. I think I'll try blogging my journey through the workbook...if I have time...which seems to be more scarce this year!
Here is the new promise that God spoke to my heart last night, which I am going to cling to...

"I will build you again and you will be rebuilt." Jeremiah 31:4
I'm so excited! I'm going to be REBUILT! Woohoo!

"Forget the former thing; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing!" Isaiah 43:18

Don't dwell on my past mistakes or even on my past successes. God is going to do a new thing and build me anew. That is so amazing. I'm encouraged. I feel hope welling up again. God continues doing His good work in me and WILL bring it to completion, as He promised me two years ago. I just have to cling to Him and hang on for the ride!

Undivided Heart

2009-10-29T19:59:00.000-07:00
Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an UNDIVIDED heart, that I may fear your name. Psalm 86:11

I will give them an UNDIVIDED heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Ezekial 11:19

May the words of my mouth and the MEDITATION OF MY HEART be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14
My heart's prayer.

Uh-oh...spoke too soon!

2009-10-29T18:06:00.000-07:00

Here I was feeling so good about how I was able to eat chocolate in moderation this week...and then...the door opened a crack and...

WHAM!

I fell flat on my face!

I went out for a meeting after supper...and came back home tired and saw some chocolates on the counter. (My daughter was laxing at her "job"! LOL) First of all, down the hatch went half a cookie (which was also on the counter) - just to "taste-test" of course. And then that opened the door further for those chocolates on the counter. Down the hatch went three more chocolates, for a total of six today. Looks like it will certainly be a miracle if I can stick to FIVE on halloween!

I still feel like digging into something or other tonight. Craving something - sweet or salty.

But I look to the Lord for strength and I will...

STOP!

For His power is made perfect in weakness.

Anyone have a verse that speaks of aligning our hearts with God's? I'm on a search. Because that has been my heart's cry and prayer lately. Some common ones are:

"...the LORD has sought out a man after his own heart..." 1 Samuel 13:14

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." Matthew 22:37
I'm still on the look-out for that verse which becomes my prayer day and night...to align my heart with His.

In the meantime, oh Lord, help me up, keep me from falling...your Word becomes my prayer...
I trust and believe that You are able to keep me from falling and to present me before Your glorious presence without fault and with great joy - to the only God my Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through jesus Christ my Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen. (personalized version of Jude 24-25)

It's working!

2009-10-29T14:12:00.001-07:00
So far, this plan to have my daughter hide the chocolates, is working great! She just takes our "order" at dinnertime of which chocolates we request and then she delivers them to us:-) My usual "moderate" portion is three chocolates. And it works. I actually cut back last night and ate only ONE mini chocolate bar....and was satisfied, even with that minimal amount! Amazing! What a difference it makes for me when I know the chocolates are tucked away for another time.

My goal, which for me will be quite a challenge on such a candy-laden day, is to only eat FIVE mini chocolate bars/candies on halloween itself! Now, this will be a miracle if I can do this! I'll keep you posted!

Hide the Candy...please!

2009-10-24T20:30:00.001-07:00

I asked my 10 year old daughter to hide the mini chocolates from me tonight! We all were having quite a good chuckle out of that. She thought it was great fun! :-) Sometimes Jon hides them...but tonight I thought I'd give her the job...

My kids both know that I struggle with overeating on sweets...as do they to a degree. I hope it doesn't affect my children negatively, to see me struggling with these food issues... I just hope and pray they see that I am aiming to glorify God and surrender my body to Him.

So, in the meantime, we all took a moderate portion of sweets for dessert tonight...3 mini chocolate bars each...and then they got tucked out of sight, who knows where in my daughter's room somewhere!

I find it quite funny how much I trust my daughter... Some parents would NOT be able to trust their kids with a box of like 100 chocolates in their room! But I know my daughter is going to take this job very seriously! :-)

Temptation Zones

2009-10-21T12:33:00.000-07:00
#1. LATE NIGHT POPCORN MUNCHIES
Popcorn munchies on weekends after the kids are in bed...a treat I always seem to gravitate towards. I usually cave in IMMEDIATELY to the craving. I don't even try to fight it. I get sucked into a TV show/movie and tune out the voice of the Holy Spirit.

In the future I can prepare for victory, aware that I'm going to fight this temptation by...
SAVING my appetite for this popcorn treat (eating within 0-5)
or
BATTLING this craving by first going to the bedroom and reading God's word/praying and then GETTING MY HANDS BUSY! Grab some laundry and fold it, work on a craft, write out some kind of organization list or do some music planning while watching the show, pull out some cards to write encouragement notes to friends, write a letter to a friend/family member from far away while watching the show.

#2. SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR...more more more....
Another time of temptation is the continued lust for more sugar. My body just doesn't want to stop. In the past I sometimes try to replace the urge with another substitute food...but in the end it becomes a long string of eating mess ups, which usually ends up still eating the food that was on my "no, no" list...and in the end overeating far too much. Sometimes I just go straight to binging on the sweets I'm craving.

In the future I can carve out a reasonable amount of dessert as a boundary line and stick to my guns with it - ex. 2 cookies, 1 cup ice cream, 1 piece cake etc. MODERATION! And if my craving continues, STOP and PRAY and FEAST on God's word. I can go to the bedroom and journal, pray, read, listen to a sermon on file etc.

#3. FOOD PLEASE PICK-ME-UP....I'm tired!
One more situation I struggle with is eating when I'm tired as a pick-me-up. I'm VERY vulnerable. I MUST realize that food does NOT give me the energy I'm seeking. It simply soothes my taste-buds and feels good temporarily.

Instead I must find a way to be truly revitalized. Lie down, close my eyes, pray, listen to music, relax, listen to a sermon...

REMEMBER:
No food will satisfy my heart nor fill the emptiness in my soul. That is what Jesus Christ is for. He is "real meat" and the "bread of life" and I am to feed on Him. (TLT pg 7)

Some verses that have been an encouragement to me the past day or so and which I have tucked away in memory now and want to continue chewing on and feasting on...
"Your words were found and I ate them, and Your words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart; for I have been called by Your name, O LORD God of hosts." Jeremiah 15:16

"I have not departed from the command of His lips; I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my necessary food." Job 23:12

God's Glory

2009-10-19T07:23:00.000-07:00

I haven't made much use of my blog in quite some time. And, in all honesty, I'm not sure I am going to have the time to keep posting on a regular basis. But, this morning, I felt God beginning to tie a whole bunch of loose ends together for me.

I've really been struggling with surrendering my body to the Lord, particularly with regards to eating/exercise. My weight has climbed. I didn't step on the scale today so I don't know what the exact # is. But I do know I'm in the 160's.

On a positive note, I'm persevering, not stressing about what a # on a scale says, generally eating 0-5 (within hunger/satisfaction) for most eating ocassions and making myself accountable each and every day to some closer friends online.

On the flip side.... I've felt my heart captured by greed, particularily when it comes to sugary stuff. I rarely tackle battles, even when I know what the right thing to do is, even when I know what "truth" is. My heart just doesn't want to do the right thing enough, I guess. My relationship with God has been somewhat dry the past couple months, since we returned from Mexico. I am longing for that hunger/thirst for God that I experienced last year, when God was my alarm clock and I was hungry to dig into His word, into time of communion with Him, into memorizing His word. Oh how I long for that!

Yesterday was a completely greedy eating kind of day. I ate and ate sugar sugar sugar, the very thing I'd felt compelled to abstain from for a time. I ate outside of 0-5 for most of the day. And I felt sickened by how far I have strayed from God's will.

This morning I woke up with the resolve to actually follow "The Lord's Table" program. I think I may actually use the eating schedule this time, only as a way to discipline my heart to seek God first and foremost. Last time I worked through TLT I simply used TW 0-5 as my eating plan. But I think I may need a little bit of a "wake up" call right now. I need to seek God more than food is what it comes down to. That being said, I dug into day 1 of TLT and what was printed in those pages reflected much of what God has been speaking to me lately.

As I have been studying week 2 of "Secrets Jesus Shared" I felt God continually impressing on me the importance of my FOCUS to be on Him, not letting things (like TV/computer, busyness etc.) distract me from pursuing Him. As I dug back into re-memorizing some verses the one that had become my prayer just this past week was,

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who EARNESTLY SEEK HIM." Hebrews 11:6 (emphasis mine)
At our small group meeting on Friday night, God spoke to my heart once again as the main point we zoned in on was the importance of PURSUING GOD.

And that brings me to today, as I studied TLT I read the following verses and began chewing on these words...
"but whenever a person turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:16-18

"God, after He spoke long ago to the fathers in the prophets in many portions and in many ways, in these last days has spoken to us in His Son, whom He appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the world. And He is the radiance of His glory and the exact represenation fo His nature, and upholds all things by the word of his power. When He had made purification of sings, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, having become as much better than the angels, as He has inherited a more excellent name than they." Hebrews 1:1-4
As I went for a walk this morning I was struck by the fact that I've been approaching this eating surrender issue wrongly. Though I've been aiming to take thoughts captive and replace with truth - a right and noble endeavor - I've missed the most important point of all... IT'S ALL ABOUT THE HEART. I can't just snap my fingers and say, "Christina, time to replace that lie with truth." Though of course that is a good aim. Even praying a prayer in a certain way, going through systematic motions to "magically" say the right words isn't really the right way, though once again it is good to aim to pray about this issue.

Each of those things God had impressed on me in the "Secrets Jesus Shared" study, in my memorization of God's word and in small group began to come together today. I realized that it is not about following a system, a set of steps, putting on and off...though each and every one of these have a place and a time.

It's about GAZING at, SITTING in, ABSORBING the truth of His Glory, Jesus Himself the "radiance of His Glory."

Just being WITH God, in His presence, experiencing and seeing His glory, my HEART will begin to change and be transformed. And from a heart change comes a will change. And each of these other steps flows naturally as the Holy Spirit transforms - putting off the old self, putting on the new self, taking thoughts captive, my mind being renewed with God's truth, prayer of repentance etc.

It's time to stop going through the motions and trying to be the change agent...and instead just STOP and SIT at His feet and draw near to the Lord and let HIM, in His glory, change and transform me.

I feel hope welling up inside me once again.

Wildly and Extravagantly Generous

2009-10-14T07:47:00.000-07:00
The title of this post has been resonating with me ever since I came across those words in the "Secrets Jesus Shared" study a couple days ago. Reflecting on Matthew 6:19-34, Jennifer Kennedy Dean writes,
"...those who are in the kingdom can be generous to those around them because God will take care of all their needs. Kingdom-focused living frees you from anxiety about temporal things so you can express the kingdom into the circumstances of earth.... Having no fear of lack, you can let go of material possessions and be wildly and exravagantly generous." Secrets Jesus Shared by Jennifer Kennedy Dean pg 65
I had a job plop into my lap very unexpectedly two weeks ago. I was at the school (where I work as a lunch monitor and my kids attend). And the principal approached me and offered me a job working with the kindergarten and grade 1 students two days a week. I was in such shock and was absolutely ecstatic! What a privilege and honor and compliment it was. Granted the job pays just a little more than minimum wage, but it is a less stressful job than the lunch job and it is also a way to get my foot in the door for other jobs of this kind in the school division.

I feel that God GAVE me this job. What a blessing!

One of my first thoughts was, "Now we have some extra money to give away!" Seriously, that was my initial thought. And then before you knew it, the wheels starting turning in my head and my husband's and we began to "spend" that extra at least in our heads....

Here's a video shown last Sunday at church.

And here is a link that was in the headline news today: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8306556.stm

Just a few days prior I had been reading an article in Christianity Today magazine featuring Francis Chan. Here is another article, though not the exact one that I read.... http://www.christianitytoday.com/tc/peopleoffaith/profiles/francischanscrazlyove.html In the original article I read that he actually gives away 90% of his income!

Striking. Disturbing. Moving. Shocking. Isn't it?

I feel moved to action.

Going a step further with this "wildly and extravagantly generous" approach that Jesus was recommending in Matthew 6:19-34, I realize that there are so many ways we can display this kind of generousity - not just monetary. My time is expendable and valuable...perhaps more than my money. And I am left wondering HOW God wants me to generous. Does He want me to be stretched with the three jobs I'm working right now, leaving me with little time to visit the Pakistani muslim families I mentioned in my previous post? Does He want me to earn some extra $$'s so we have even more to give financially to those in need? Or does He want me to quit one of my jobs (the lunch job is the one I feel most drawn to cut) so that I can spend my time visiting those in need?

Needless to say, it's a tough decision to ponder. Whatever the case, my heart is chewing on Jesus' words and I'm in prayer on this.

I want to be wildly and extravagantly generous with my life. I want to spend my life on what matters in the light of eternity.

Father, please be a light to my path and a lamp to my feet. I am Yours. Use me.

$1

2009-10-14T07:14:00.000-07:00

photo by merlinprincesse
A couple months back I was floored that God had once again introduced me to another Pakistani family, on a short little visit to a local convenience store down the road from my house. Seeing the dark skinned couple behind the counter, the lady wearing a full hijab (head covering), I felt the urge to ask where they were from....and received the reply, "Pakistan." I was astounded and moved to tears as I realized that once again God was placing these beautiful people into my life, having prepared me for this season of life with ten years of my childhood spent in Pakistan.

This past year I have been developping a beautiful and sweet friendship with a Pakistani lady just a block from my house, who I had also met out of the blue. And now, I could see that once again God was moving and was directing as I met this couple at the convenience store. It moves me deeply as I feel a kinship with Pakistan. In my heart, Pakistan is my second home.

To give some perspective, our area of the city is majority white skinned folks. We do not have much representation of other ethnicities in our area. To have met two separate families this past year, both from Pakistan, is quite shocking for me!

I didn't have the foresight to ask for a phone # that day...and it has been heavy on my heart ever since.

I often go for a brisk walk after dropping the kids off at school and inevitably my route is taking me past this very convenience store time and again. And inevitably I feel this tugging at my heart to go inside and ask for that phone number. But inevitably I shrink back in fear, full of excuses.

Today, I once again felt that tug...the Holy Spirit's nudge, "Christina, go ahead and walk into that convenience store and ask for that phone number."

"But, Lord," I fumbled and stumbled, "I'll look foolish. What if they are not even at the store today...what will I do then?"

"Go, Christina."

"Okay, here's the deal. If...and I mean only *IF*....I have some coins in my jacket pocket, I'll go inside, I promise Lord." I doubt I have ANY money in my pockets so this seems a safe way out.

I start to rummage through my pockets as I pass the store. And sure enough, according to God's plan, I find a $1 coin that God has orchestrated to be in my pocket at that very moment.

"But, but, but....okay, Lord, I'll go in." *sigh*

I enter the store, and wander aimlessly around the store towards the coffee section and see that coffee costs $1.50. Then I turn around and just decide to jump right in and to the point and skip the coffee.

"I was wondering if I could get T's phone number," I ask the dark skinned man behind the counter. I stumble around with my words and explain how I had met T and his wife previously and how I had grown up in Pakistan and would like to meet T's wife.

"He's my brother. My wife and I live with T and his wife," is the reply that greets my ears.

Whew! God, are you telling me that I am now possibly meeting TWO families all in one shot?! Wow!

After we exchanged phone numbers, A says, "Please go and have a coffee. Don't worry about paying." I actually don't even much like coffee and stumble around with my words once again, basically saying "Thanks, but no thanks." I thank him, tucking the piece of paper with the phone numbers in my pocket, wave goodbye and start my walk home, my heart singing.

My heart is soaring with praise and excitement. And I sense that God is at work in a unique and special way, with a plan that may very well have been ordained for my life since the beginning of time.

I feel myself growing up. I feel myself being prepared for something big and momentous in the spiritual realm.

Thank you Lord for that $1. Prepare me for your work. I am Yours.

Life=Risk

2009-10-04T12:19:00.000-07:00

If You Feel Like Giving Up...

2009-10-02T07:25:00.001-07:00

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." James 1:2-5

Counting My Blessings...

2009-08-30T11:45:00.000-07:00

I decided to get rid of my "I am thankful..." counting my blessings blog and just merge it here with this regular blog. This will give me a bit more stuff to post about here:-) Plus there is no need for a separate blog when I can label all my "counting my blessings" posts. I put a link to all those posts in the left hand column under "Highlights."

This fall I truly want to practice gratitude on a daily basis. I have felt challenged to make this part of the very fabric of my life, of my attitude, of my heart. This summer I noticed how easily negativity and fear and anxiety could creep into my heart. I found it shocking how little I trusted God. I always thought I did trust Him...but this summer I realized I have not been trusting Him and have been focusing on seeing life through a human lens (make that a worry wart human lens!).

Anyways, that being said, I want to have an attitude of constant prayer, supplication and thanksgiving, all simultaneously happening at once!

So, today, things that I am thankful for....

Good health once again.
I am very thankful for this, just having recovered from a cold. Feels good to be on the mend.

Wonderful family.
We had a nice reunion with my parents and brother and his family a couple days after we returned from Mexico. It was nice to be together again.

My eldest daughter celebrated her 10th birthday.
Time is flying! A whole decade has passed! That's crazy! She is growing up so beautifully. I am thankful for her.

A great guinea pig movie:-)
Okay, we're partial to guinea pigs given they are our pets. They are making a comeback! Woohoo! Just kidding. We went to the movie for my daughter's bday treat...and it was a lot of fun watching the 3D movie.

Church family.
We have a wonderful church family. I'm thankful for the many friends, make that brothers and sisters, we have at our church. It's good to be back.

Accountability Tool

2009-08-28T19:34:00.001-07:00
It's time to press the re-start button once again! So I started another accountability blog, separate from this blog, since it will contain more of the nitty gritty "mundane" details and ramblings of each and every thing I eat:-) I am hoping this public form of accountability will once again be the motivation I need to be consistent once again. I know it was a helpful tool at the beginning of my TW journey.

So, without more ado, here is my first post that is already posted on my new blog, Fresh Start....

---------------------

It's time to jump in all the way! I'm going to aim to be brutally honest from here on in... I have to admit I am filled with a lot of trepidation, but I know that I need to dive in. And I also know my tendency to hide and slip and slide generally decreases when I am serious about being transparent and an open book.

This is only one small part of my life...yet I long to experience the transforming touch of Jesus in this area. More and more I am seeing my similarities to the prodigal son, doing things my own way, gluttonous and really just ruining my own life when I follow my own flesh desires and turn away from Father.

But I know that Papa has His arms open wide. Actually He runs to me. He wants me to stay with Him. He wants me to enjoy all the blessings and provisions that He can offer. Because He loves me.

So I run to Him. I don't want to hide. I don't want to run away. I want to stay right here in Papa's presence, eating at His table, and enjoying all the best that He desires for me.

Will it be easy? I know this is going to be tough because my gluttonous lazy fleshly desires are in overdrive right now!!! But I'm pressing the restart button and starting afresh, in Papa's loving embrace.

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To check out my new accountability blog, click here.

Home again!

2009-08-19T20:19:00.000-07:00
I'm officially home! Woohoo! Feels great! I got the suitcases unpacked and most of the laundry is pretty much done going through the washer and dryer. I'm very thankful for God's many provisions over the past month. I learned a lot about myself and my relationship with my family and more importantly with God. One thing I definitely am feeling called to further examine and bring before the Lord for renewal is my predisposition to worry and not trust the Lord. It really and truly comes down to a trust issue. It scares me how I can see it rubbing off on the kids. They get anxious about things so easily as well. I'm glad that God brought it to my attention though.

So we headed off in a huge storm on our drive to Minneapolis back a month ago...probably the worst storm we've ever driven through which prompted A LOT of prayer and choosing to trust God. And then today, on our way back home, we once again drove through a huge storm cell about an hour from home! Go figure! Actually a tornado watch was in effect (unknown to us) which didn't take an expert to figure out as we eyed the clouds. So, once again, we prayed our way through that storm cell. Those two storms have got to be the worst ones we've ever driven through! Once again I know the Lord is teaching me. He is God alone and He is on His throne. As I have been telling my kids lately, us worrying doesn't do any help at all...in fact it can often do harm instead. Giving it to God in prayer and then choosing to see the things to be grateful for and thanking Him for it....now THAT changes things for good!

I'm SOOOOOO ready to be back and at it with consistent conscious eating and with exercise. I am missing routines! And I'm sure I gained a ton of weight! AAHHH. Anyways, I don't even want to step near the scale. I'll just assume I gained and be really careful with my eating.

I'm not sure how much I'll be blogging in the next while...but I just wanted to make sure I finished off our trip to Mexico properly by announcing I arrived home safe and sound, praise God!

Homeward Bound

2009-08-18T04:19:00.001-07:00
Well, today is the day we leave Mexico and fly back home. We're all really looking forward to home.

The kids both got symptoms of swimmer ear going on. My youngest was in a lot of pain, so we decided to visit a doctor last night. I couldn't believe how easy it was! God definitely provided in that moment. An english speaking doctor in a 24 hour clinic just a short two block walk down the road! Amazing! We felt better having the kids checked and following doctor's advice.

Sooooo..... I've been up since 5am and can't sleep and am ready to get going:-) Actually I'm having trouble sleeping because I'm hungry for breakfast as well...which is a good thing of course:-)

One last thing, here are some pictures from our past week sent in Playa del Carmen.

Well, adios Mexico! Here we come Canada:-)

Thanks Lord for being with us each step of the way and for all Your gracious and bountiful provisions. Amen.

Mexico - a few pictures

2009-08-15T20:14:00.000-07:00

Here are a few highlight pictures I'd like to share. We're not yet home, so there may be a few more favorites:-) I wish we'd taken more pictures with the kids at the Fletcher's home, but we opted to live in the moment rather than capture each moment in photos... Tulum cabana.
My handsome husband:-)

Fun in the waves at Tulum.
My monkey daughter:-)

Playdough fun at the Fletcher's.

A special family we shared a hamper with.

The dear old lady who kept knocking at her Heavenly Father's door in prayer, whom we delivered a hamper to.

Teaching sunday school with Marta at a village church.

Steve Fletcher showing off the limes the kids picked one afternoon. In the background is the orphanage property.

A real tortilla making lesson! It was awesome!

My eldest daughter enjoying a little monkey moment:-)

Mexico Trip - part 3

2009-08-13T10:04:00.000-07:00
Looking back I can see that God had His hand in each moment of our time in Dzan.

That last week of our time in Dzan we delivered another four hampers. This was by far one of our highlights. These families had clear needs and were in relationship with the Fletchers, so it was very special to be part of this love offering.

They all stood out in my mind...but one that I'd like to capture for you, is when we visitted an elderly lady. She had been close friends with Marta's mom for many years, prior to Marta's mom passing away. She was clearly a godly woman, yet had been unable to attend church for some time. We entered her home and she was so moved. She immediately started to say, with such emotion, that she had just been praying to God "Who (and when) are you going to send somebody to visit and encourage me in my faith?" She was clearly feeling "low" and needed some encouragement and had been persistently bringing it to the Lord in prayer. So when we walked in the door she joyfully recognized us as the answer to her prayers. We talked and prayed together. She shared how she had been experiencing many fears lately, that she knew were from the devil. She shared how she was praying through her ailments and fears as she knew God had always faithfully answered her prayers through the years. In fact she said that God was always the only One who could cure her... The doctor's efforts never worked. Prayer to her Father did. I was so touched and wept as I listened to this beautiful old lady share from her heart in the mayan tongue.

We also visitted a village on Sunday night, teaching sunday school to 23 children. It was a different experience with the language barrier clearly felt. A bit frustrating in many ways. The miraculous "God-thing" about this was that on our way back home, Steve told us what he had preached about in the service - Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." The VERY thing our sunday school lesson had been on! I was touched that God had yet again showed Himself so real. Praise God.

Another God-thing, was that Jon got sick on Friday, and God graciously lifted the fever that very night, within hours of him getting the fever. (Continued prayers for my eldest who has had stomach troubles since Sunday and also for Jon who has a fever again today, Thursday, would be greatly appreciated.)

As I look back I have these little snapshots of the the dear people we spent so much time with...

The 5 year old child of the oldest orphan girl (18 years old), following my youngest daughter around, quite enamoured with her. I also have this vision of him laughing and laughing and so joyful.

The youngest girl, 7 years old, giggling and laughing and being such a goof ball the whole time we were with them! God has certainly healed her wounds from the past. The psychologist says she is just like any other child, "normal" in every sense, not scarred by her experiences from birth to three years old. Praise God!

The 10 year old orphan boy saying, "Chrrristina, uno?" How could I resist?! He sure loved playing the UNO card game!!! It was touching to be asked:-)

12 year old girl, D., with such a sweet spirit, helping around the house every chance she got, with such a beautiful gentle presence. Praise God for sparing her a heart hardened by the pain.

14 year old girl, M., hugging and playing with my youngest daughter, relishing the moment. And then at the end of our visit she was the one who handed my youngest daughter a stuffed animal as a good bye gift, as she did last year.

The oldest 15 year old brother coming downstairs when we were leaving on Tuesday and offering me a hug and handing me a letter. As I got Steve to translate the letter for us on the drive to the bus station, he got midway through the letter and said, "This is from E.?!" He couldn't believe it. He said this was the first letter E. had ever written to another person! What a privilege and blessing and joy. I was very moved. I could see those moments spent side by side with him at the kitchen sink day after day, washing and drying the dishes in quiet companionship had taken root in his heart.

The eldest girl, 18 years old, so beautiful inside and out, grown up into a truly godly and beautiful and responsible and gifted young woman. It was a joy to watch her perform a song at a church service on Monday night, her first performance ever. God has certainly redeemed her from the pit!

Then there were the Fletcher's children who touched our hearts as well...

The eldest 12 year old daughter has such a servant heart. She has grown up so much over the past year, graciously accepting her ministry role in the family. It was a joy teaching her some baking skills as she was so eager to learn! One day I came home to see that she had taken on the job of making sugar cookies all by herself, no help from me! I was so impressed:-)

The middle 10 year old son, was such a help to us as well, translating for us so often and showing a maturity well beyond his years. He clearly has also graciously accepted his ministry role in this large family.

And then the youngest, a 7 year old, had such a sense of humour and was always laughing. I have this picture of him playing UNO with such a competitive spirit and playing with so much gusto!!

Then there are the snapshots of our time with Steve and Marta. Steve was always smiling and laughing and bringing joy to the family. And it was an incredible privilege to spend time with Marta - shopping together, cooking and cleaning together, baking together, talking and praying together. It was such a privilege watching and learning from her. She is a beautiful lady inside and out.

It was a high privilege to LIVE life with them. I feel WE benefitted far more than we benefitted them. The cross cultural experience we gained for ourselves and for the kids was priceless. And the experiences we were able to be part of - visitting villages, handing out hampers, praying with people, playing with the kids, being part of God moving in such tangible ways, were such a blessing to us in turn, memories that will be cherished forever.

It was a tearful goodbye. We formed very special bonds with each person in the family. Our prayers are with them as God unfolds the next phase of this vision for the orphanage and home for the elderly. They are so close to being ready to open. The main need right now is staffing for the orphanage. God prepares them one step at a time, though it may seem slow to us, God's timing is perfect. This was clear to us. The building is near completion, with just a few things left to do prior to welcoming children into the orphanage. We are excited for them as God begins to work out these details.

To see photos from our time in Dzan, click here.

Mexico Trip - part 2

2009-08-04T06:45:00.000-07:00
Back for another update. Whew! What a week that has flown by! It's hard for me to remember all that has happened. Here are a few photos from our time so far, though the photos really don't fully capture all our experiences as sometimes we just have to live the experience not photograph it! I know there have been lots and lots and lots of games of the card game UNO and "Go Fish" played. The kids down here get exceptionally competitive with UNO, more than anyone I've ever seen! They are constantly requesting to play UNO:-) I'm glad we packed that game in the suitcase with us! Also, we brought along a game of pictionary and printed out spanish/english words so we could all play. I've been pleasantly surprised to see that has also been a huge hit. We've played lots of games of that as
well.

I packed a suitcase full of crafts/games relating to bible stories for just about every day and also lots of little things that can be a little something
special for the day. Games, jumping ropes, bubbles, stickers, tattoos, water balloons, stampers etc. The kids are enjoying these extra activities. We've
had some wonderful bonding times with the kids. Our relationship with these kids has deepened greatly this year. Last year we were more acquaintances,
though by the end of our stay we were friends. But this year, they know that we really are investing in them and they are drawing closer yet, so that is
really special to us.

One other thing I've been doing lots of is baking...which of course hasn't been helping me much in regards to conscious eating. I've been trying out a bunch
of baking recipes for Marta at her request, and trying to teach her and her oldest daughter a bit about baking. They love to try new things. They are on the look out for things they can make at the orphanage or even sell. So we've tried pizza, buns, tuna casserole, chocolate cake, chocolate chip cookies, sugar
cookies, biscuits...and there are more we will be trying this upcoming week. Everything I bake is such an experiment so it is always a little bit nail
biting as baking just doesn't work the same way here as it does at home. I think the flour is very different here and the oven only has heat coming from the
base not above.

The most stressful baking experience was definitely yesterday. It was the oldest "orphan" girls birthday and she was turning 18 years old. The whole extended family was going to be coming, making us a group of at least 30 people. Last year I'd made a cake for this girl's birthday since we were here at the same time, and I didn't feel they really liked the cake I made (banana spice cake with cream cheese icing). So this year I felt nervous about them not liking it again... Anyways, they wanted me to try out my chocolate cake recipe, so I went for it. Of course something went wrong, as it always does when I bake/cook for other people (:-)...the oven rack was just too near the heat and so the cake burned. I managed to salvage the cakes and once it was iced no one would have been the wiser. I realized this morning, that I forgot to put vanilla in the icing as well!!! I knew the icing didn't quite taste right last night! Anyways, the cake looked pretty, and tasted okay (though not the same as home once again). The other thing that I did yesterday for the big party was make the copycat "Red Lobster" biscuit recipe. Marta had told me last year they were some of her favorite biscuits, so I brought the right ingredients from Canada this time round, and made about 120 biscuits for the party last night! Whew! I was exhausted after that endeavor! But they were a hit! Yay!

On Sunday we attended church in a nearby village, both in the morning and the evening. The church is being planted by a korean church from the States. They
are currently without a pastor, so a korean american man from the church in the States has moved down to this village to fill in as pastor for the next six
months until they find a new pastor. The amazing thing is that he doesn't even speak much spanish! He will be working through a translator. I was so blown
away by this man's (and his wife) obedience, passion and surrender to the Lord. Their little 6 year old boy will be attending school in the village...with no
spanish yet known. Whew! Anyways, there was a mission team from the korean church that had come down to work for the past two weeks, so our visit coincided with their time.

God certainly had His hand in this meeting. From the very start when the visit to this small church was arranged (don't have the space to describe all that, except to say it was much more than coincidence how it all came to be) to the very topic of the message on Sunday (about the kingdom of God, the very thing on our heart's and which we have been studying in depth the past month). I sat listening to the message (what a blessing it was that the pastor spoke in english, translated into spanish of course!) and it was like God was saying "See I'm working here too, speaking the same words." They asked us to share in the service and so both Jon and I shared impromptu which once again was God inspired as Jon closed with the Lord's prayer emphasizing "Your kingdom come, your will be done." The pastor began to expound on this and showed how that prayer was incribed on the necklace around his neck! I was just so blown away by how God confirmed His message, His words, to us and to them again and again.

After the service, we delivered some food/hygience/school supply hampers that we had purchased on behalf of some friends from our home church. It was moving and touching to meet and pray with four different families, with various struggles and illnesses and difficulties. We pray this gesture of God's love will be a seed planted in their hearts and will draw them closer to God and encourage them.

Jon has been working on the land at the orphanage site a fair amount. I've been cleaning, playing games, running errands with Marta, etc. Our kids have been playing, playing, playing, playing, playing with countless kids that come in and out of the doors of this home! It's been a joy.

We are thankful for God's hand of protection with health and safety. We certainly don't take it for granted. I felt the beginnings of a chest cold setting in the beginning of our time here and Marta and the kids prayed over me and it lifted that very day, praise God. My youngest daughter had troubles with her ear as I think she got water in it from some extreme water play that was happening here:-) Anyways, she couldn't hear out of it for a day or so and then it moved to hurting...but once again, praise God, she is feeling better. We were driving back to the village church on Sunday evening (on a pitch rural road) and the lights started to go out, raising concerns of problems with the alternator or the electrical etc. We prayed our way to the church that evening...and praise God we arrived safe and sound and returned back to the Fletcher's home safe and sound.

As I said previously I'm still struggling with 0-5 eating. It's hard with such different schedules and with all the potential "tourist nibbling" opportunities I have here! Plus all the baking is not helping any! I'm sure I've gained some weight... My goal for this upcoming week is to cut out juice as much as possible and just drink water. I'll also make it my continued aim to be hungry for breakfast as that is the most relaxed, eat-when-you-want, meal. And I'm going to try really hard to cut back on portion sizes at lunch and supper. I'm really struggling though.

Well, that's my novel for today. I know I've been pretty long winded, but God has been good and I'm thankful for God's provisions, power and equipping once again, as each day I've been falling at His feet in such need of Him.

Accountability check-in

2009-07-30T06:49:00.000-07:00
I thought I'd touch base on Thin Within related matters. I'm struggling with sticking with 0-5 eating. The past week I've almost completely reverted to my old self--greedy for food, not eating consciously or in present-time. It's amazing how quicky I can revert. The other night my tummy was so overfull and sore...and I'm not sure I even savoured the food that I stuffed into my body. The verses I felt impressed on my heart this past week were:
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come. ALL THIS IS FROM GOD. 2 Corinthians 5:17-18a
(emphasis added)

You were taught with regard to your former way of life, to PUT OFF YOUR OLD SELF, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to BE MADE NEW in the attiude of your minds and to PUT ON THE NEW SELF, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:22-24 (emphasis added)

I must not forget all the Lord has worked in me, changing me. He has brought me so far. Though I feel a sense of discouragement and even a lack of desire to persevere, I know in my heart submitting to Him is the ONLY path to peace and righteousness, worshipping and elevating Him alone.

Lord, forgive me for falling so short and reverting to the old self. Help me persevere. Help me see with Your eyes. Cut out that root of greed in my heart. In your power, by your provisions and by your grace I step forward. Amen.

Mexico Trip - part 1

2009-07-30T06:44:00.000-07:00
I have a few moments to post here in the early hours of the morning before everyone is up and at it for the day.

It was ironic that following my last post about fears and the storm the night before we left...some of the most "worry filled" moments of the trip were only a few hours from home! As we drove down to Minneapolis (where we were flying out of), we had to drive through a HUGE storm cell. It was that kind of rain where the visibility is basically nil. There was also lots of thunder, lightening and some hail. We had to pull over a few times and wait it out. Sooo, that was the start of our trip. Once again prayers were being said! We were in God's hands. I had to trust that He was in control and sovereign and "on His throne".

Next excitement was at Valley Fair. Once again the storm cell was passing over the area. Huge clouds were on the horizon...the kind I have come to think of as "tornado" clouds. Sure enough, a tornado watch was put into effect while we were at the amusement park. Everyone was ushered into a storm safe building and we waited about an hour. Once again many prayers were sent up! Once again it was about trusting God.

In all honesty some of those amusement park rides sent me to prayer a few times as well! We met some friends at Valley Fair...who have no fear of any ride...so subsequently we took MANY rides we would have been too wimpy to try otherwise! Of course we had a blast!

I think God had a lesson to speak to me! My devotions were all centered around reflections on trusting God, on letting go of fear etc. God was speaking loud and clear.

We flew off to Mexico last Wednesday, July 22nd. We had no problems whatsoever with any luggage getting lost or searched etc. Praise God! The next step of concern was getting a ride (about 1.5 hours) to the hotel we were staying at. Once again the Lord provided. I had many concerns about being squished into a small taxi with no seatbelts and a crazy driver. We ended up getting a good price for a bigger vehicle taxi, with LOTS of room to spare and seatbelts for each of us (even the driver was wearing one!). Praise God!

We spent six nights/days vacationing as a family about 1.5 - 2 hours away from Cancun. It has been a wonderful time of reconnecting as a family and as a couple, spending solid quality time together, fantastic weather and ocean scenery, and also a great time of reconnecting with God as I have been gobbling up a bible study workbook, doing multiple studies each day! It has been such a blessing. Praise God for His protection once again for that week of family time with taxi rides, with health, with safety.

On Tuesday, July 28th, we headed to the bus station and took a 4 hour bus ride to Merida, Mexico, where we were met by the Fletchers, the missionary family who have started up the Bridge of Love Orphanage. Late Tuesday night we arrived at their home, greeted the familiar faces of the children we met and connected with last year and fell into bed. Praise God for getting us safely there.

Yesterday was a bit of a whirlwind of a day for us. We played games, told a bible story, did art with stampers/paper and also with chalk on the sidewalk, made some sugar cookies together, went for walks, and just hung out together. The kids seem to be warming up to us again. I am really feeling the language barrier though. I'm kicking myself for not investing in some official spanish classes this past year. The kids have all grown up so much this year. They have taken on much more responsibility this year around the house as well, which is awesome. Martha, in particular, has much wisdom with these kids, gently guiding them and teaching them in the day to day stuff.

Excitement we encountered... Well, cockroaches galore. Ugh. I'm a little squeamish upon seeing so many in our room/bathroom area. Officially "babysitting" the whole crew of kids and making dinner for them (including our kids that was 12 kids) as Steve & Marta headed out for a dinner date. Of course many of them are teenagers so they don't need real babysitting...but it felt weird to be responsible for their care. Thankfully they are all great kids and listened (as translated through the Fletcher's eldest daughter) when we asked them to all head to their rooms at 10pm...for only two hours...since.... A mariachi band visitted the house at midnight, in celebration of Steve & Marta's anniversary! I'm not very good at staying up late in the night....so we headed to bed at 10:15 and managed to get about 2 hours of sleep prior to the sound of the arrival of the marriachi band playing throughout the house! Obviously no sound bylaws in this area!!! Lots of family members came to the house to also enjoy the mariachi band. So, here we were up on the roof top of their house being serenaded by a mariachi band! Wild! (Speaking of sound bylaws....a neighbour apparently enjoys waking up the neighbourhood bright and early at 6-6:30 am with loud music blasted out from his place...for about an hour! I woke up to that this morning, even through the earplug and fan white noise sound barrier!)

Here are a few links to photos my husband, Jon, has posted from our vacation so far:
Album #1
Album #2 (loading up as I type this)

Continuing to trust God with health and safety for us all. As I feel completely inadequate and at a loss to know how to minister, I'm throwing myself at the Lord's feet and trusting Him to guide me and direct me. As I look back at the past day I can certainly see His hand at work. And once again I feel completely inadequate for the day ahead, but I trust that God will once again be faithful and use me as He sees fit.

God's truth renews my mind as we head off...

2009-07-20T00:40:00.000-07:00
I'm up at 2:45am right now....amidst thunder and lightening and pouring rain and a severe thunderstorm warning in effect...and decided to take advantage of these few moments to post prior to heading off on our trip in the morning. I am such a worry wart and the fact that there is a chance of tornados with storms like these sets me a little on edge. What a fitting start to this post....

I have been worrying and feeling anxious about our trip to Mexico. My mind is honestly like a running movie script. The worst case scenario is often one of my first thoughts which leads me to in a split second to see it all play out in my mind like a movie. I realized this a few years ago and it actually was kind of reassuring to see that this is what my mind was doing...and now I often tend to laugh at how fast and wild my imagination can be...and give it to the Lord. Here are some examples of how my mind works...

Severe thundestorm warning...and of course that slight chance of a tornado pounding through the area is what hits our house...and we are all sleeping so we miss out on escaping to our safe spot in the basement...and all die in the tornado.

Lightening storm...either we have lightening strike our tent, hit the ground and an electrical current run right up our bodies (or our kids bodies) and zap our hearts....or the lightening hits a tree above our tent, sending it crashing down on top of our family, right on our hearts of course!

Mosquito bite....of course west nile virus and we get encephilitis (swelling of the brain) and die.

Respiratory illness...it's the H1N1 (swine flu) and whoever has it in the family gets hit with the worst case scenario and of course dies.

On a rollercoaster ride at ValleyFair (where we're going on Tuesday by the way) and either Jon or I have heart failure and die....or the rollercoaster has a defect and we plummet to our deaths!

Snorkelling...of course we meet the dreaded lone hungry shark in the area and get devoured....or we hit an undertow current and get swept out to sea and drown.

Flying...well, either there are terrorists on board and the plane is hijacked or there is a defect in the plane and we plummet to our death.

In Mexico, driving in a taxi, with a young and crazy fearless race car driver, with no seatbelts on, our entire family of four squished into the back seat of the little vehicle, luggage filling the front seat (which we all know in an accident becomes a HUGE dead weight being thrown around)...well, it is just a death trap in my mind!

The kids having fun playing at the Fletcher's house (where there are so many open windows on the second floor and a huge empty cavern of a pool in the backyard)...and you can probably guess where my thinking wanders...the kids fall from something to their death.

Oh boy, what a list!! It goes on and on and on and on. My brain honestly just functions this way far too often. In fact from an early age I was a worry wart. My grade 2 teacher wrote on my report card "Christina worries too much." LOL

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I lived in a country (my parents were missionaries in Pakistan and I was isolated from them much of the year going to boarding school far from them)....where there were more risks that we took, more uncertainties, more tangible fears. I'm not sure. I have some pictures in my mind of some pretty dangerous situations we were in...and asked my parents about them recently and they said that yes, they were quite concerned in those situations. So it wasn't just me making up scary stuff. It was real.

Needless to say one of my favorite verses from a young age was
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:31
Okay, maybe I should have made my favorite verse instead,
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6
That may have been a more useful scripture to cling to! LOL Anyways, whatever the case, as you can tell, I'm a wimp!!!! And a worry wart!

And this trip to upcoming trip to Mexico has brought to the forefront much of my tendency to allow these worries and anxieties to build in my life. I didn't realize how much this burden was affecting me until the other day when I realized how tense I was, how my heart would race, how I was filled with fear...

And then these words of scripture broke forth, filling and renewing my mind with God's truth.
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
Oh boy is that ever me! I need to come and draw near to the Lord. I'm weary from all this worry and definitely burdened with the anxiety. Oh how I need rest and peace, to trust God and His sovereign will. Allow God to be my strength and do the work by taking His yoke. Learn from Him. Oh how I need that. Rest for my soul....oh, please, Lord! For His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

These words cut right to my heart. They were just what I was needing. Fix my eyes on Jesus. Trust God. Those are hard words when facing fears I tell ya! Cast my anxieties on Him because He cares for us. God's all-surpassing power and strength are what I need to rely on in the face of any fear. God is in control. That is a big one that I need to truly allow to renew my mind.

Then yesterday at church we sang a song with these lyrics from "You are God alone."
You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
You are God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You were on the throne
You are God alone
Here is the youtube video of the song...
"You are God alone"

Oh what a refreshing drink for my soul. God's truth. The anchor in the midst of all the worries. Safe within His will. My soul feels at rest. I feel a deep trust in Him. That He is God and He is in control and that He is all-powerful and all-knowing.

God has been transforming me and drawing me near. My heart is filled with thankfulness for so many blessings, for relationship with Him, for this opportunity to minister we have unfolding in front of us, for His sovereignty.

I had no clue this post was going to be this longwinded! Especially at this hour! The storm is still raging around me, outside the house, with hail pounding the roof, but I am safe inside and feeling at peace. Which is a great illustration of how God wants me to be in the storms of life...at peace with Him as my anchor and refuge. What a great note to head off on, isn't it!

Thanks Lord for your truth, for your word of encouragement to my soul over the past few days, for your sovereignty. Amen.

And so we're off! I'm not sure how much I'll be online over the next month, but I'll try and touch base a few times...

Adios! Hasta luego! Dios te bendiga!

Saturday check-in

2009-07-18T18:37:00.000-07:00
Checking in for my personal challenge:

#1. No eating in front of the TV unless it is a meal.
I didn't eat in front of the TV though I felt tempted once again.

#2. 11pm bedtime.
I went to bed around 11:15 again. I guess it is better than midnight... And I've been waking up at a more reasonable time in the mornings again and feeling a bit more rested.

#3. Exercise 5x this week.
Went jogging and biking today. So that makes it four days so far this week. Woohoo!

#4. No desserts this week.
Hmmm...got a little greedy again in this department with some scones.

Family Mission Trip

2009-07-17T20:25:00.000-07:00
MEXICO HERE WE COME!
I can hardly believe how fast time is flying by this summer. We'll be on a plane, heading down to Mexico, this upcoming Wednesday! Wow!

Here's a bit of information about what this trip entails.

We are heading down to the Mayan Riviera, landing in Cancun. We will be spending about 6 days family vacation time in Akumal and Tulum, within about 2 hours of Cancun, at the beach. Then from there we are heading via a 4-5 hour bus ride inland, to an orphanage start up in a little village named Dzan, near Merida. We will stay with a missionary family for two weeks and help out as much as possible. And then we're back to the ocean for another 6 nights of family vacation time, in Playa del Carmen. And then fly back home again! It is going to be quite an adventure!

We visited this same family last year and helped out for 10 days. The orphanage is called "Bridge of Love" and the family we stay with are Steve & Marta Fletcher. They have seven orphans living in their home at present along with their own three kids. And the orphanage site is pretty much completed so they will be moving onto the next stage of things pretty shortly I imagine.

We look forward to just hanging out with LOTS of kids all day long:-) There always seem to be kids around....often have no clue who they are! I have planned lots of bible stories and games and crafts which we will bring down with us. We will try to spend as much time as possible investing in these kids lives and extending God's love to them. Last year Jon also helped with some maintenance/building type stuff. And I helped LOTS in the kitchen as there was always a need of some sort! Marta has quite the crew to cook and clean for every single day! I also taught some basic piano to anyone interested. We went for walks, had lots of water fights (since it is HOT HOT HOT there!) and just had such a blessed time. This is a special family and special kids they have brought under their wing. Our kids, age 6 and 8 last summer, seemed to fit in naturally and beautifully though they couldn't communicate with most of the kids since they didn't know spanish.

Sooooooooooo, that is what we are looking forward to in the upcoming month.

We're also looking forward to some wonderful family vacation time. I can hardly believe we'll be snorkelling with sea turtles in five or six days! That's crazy! I'm really hoping our youngest will give snorkelling a try this year. God sure created awesome things under the sea!

We're definitely anxious about travel as it will be a no-seatbelt month quite likely. Hmm...I'm just thinking it may be a worthwhile prayer to pray for taxis which actually have seatbelts! Also, there are other safety concerns as life is just so different there in Mexico versus North America. All prayers are COVETTED!

In regards to discipline issues... I know it will be very difficult to always eat at #0 while at the Fletcher's in particular. I'll aim to stay within 0-5 the best I can with the Lord's help. And the biggest thing I'll be vigilant and prayerful about will be my greed-meter and to remain God-focused and other-focused. If I can watch these aspects I think 0-5 boundaries will fall into place more easily. I will continue to remain intentional and keep a private food log. I know that things flowed and worked out in this regard last year and I want to continue with the same attitude for the most part...though I may be cutting back on how many tortillas I eat in a sitting! I think I overdid that last year!

I think that sums up where things are going in the upcoming month. I'm excited for all that God has in store. I'm nervous about some details and safety issues. I'm feeling blessed to be able to even head down there again. I'm filled with eagerness and anticipation to rekindle the friendships and relationships that started last year. I'm waiting in expectation for God to move. I'm as ready as I can be!

Lord, use us. May our family spread the aroma of your love and grace everywhere we go. I pray for safety and health as we travel. I pray that we would be able to serve you to the best of our ability and that your all-surpassing power would be made evident as we, your humble jars of clay, step out in faith and desire to extend your love to people in need. I pray that YOU would be magnified and glorified. I pray that seeds would be planted and hearts would turn towards You. Amen.

Friday check-in

2009-07-17T20:18:00.000-07:00
Checking in for my personal challenge:

#1. No eating in front of the TV unless it is a meal.
I didn't eat in front of the TV tonight though I REALLY felt tempted to munch on some popcorn while watching TV with Jon, as written about in last post. Praise God for that victory step.

#2. 11pm bedtime.
I am planning on being in bed by 11pm. Pretty sure that is how the night is lining up. The kids went to bed early at 8pm leaving me with some "down" time for the past two hours. It's harder to go to bed earlier when they head to bed at 9-10pm as they had been the past two weeks.

#3. Exercise 5x this week.
I didn't exercise. I have to squeeze two more days of exercise in, so I'm aiming for Sat. and Sun.

#4. No desserts this week.
I was able to bypass the coconut cream pie and the peanut butter chocolate chip cookies tonight at supper! Can hardly believe it! The funny thing is that I really didn't think I'd find the "exit"...and said that aloud!

"I don't want to eat dessert...but how can I resist this pie?"

And Jon answered, "I don't want a small piece. I want a BIG piece."

I laughed and knew that was exactly the "out" I needed because it was just one large piece of pie that would have had to have been split between three of us leaving us with three small slivers... So, I proceeded to slice it in two pieces and gave one to him and one to my daughter. It made me smile because it was the perfect line that my husband came up with! LOL He was giving me the "out":-) I opted to just have a yogurt instead.

I want to munch...

2009-07-17T18:04:00.000-07:00
on...

AAAHHH!

It's Friday night. I am looking forward to reclining on the couch and watching a show with my husband...and oh, how I want to munch on popcorn!

But I'm not hungry. It's not a mealtime. And I'm not going to, right?!

Lord, help me push past these feelings. Help me remember that the temporal pleasure is not worth it in the long run. Help me find the way out. Amen.

Thursday check-in

2009-07-17T05:27:00.000-07:00
Checking in for my personal challenge...

#1. No eating in front of the TV unless it is a meal.
Once again I didn't eat while watching TV.

#2. 11pm bedtime.
Went to bed closer to 11:15-30 again....

#3. Exercise 5x this week.
Not today. But I'll aim to complete my 5x by exercising Friday and Saturday.

#4. No desserts this week.
I had a small slice of pie tonight after supper. I had made a coconut cream pie and served it when my parents and my in-laws were here at my place this evening. That doesn't give me an excuse to eat it of course... Whatever the case I was within 0-5. From here on in I will stay away from the desserts. My in-laws are leaving today so things will be settling back to normal around here. Of course that is only for a few days because we're heading down to Mexico in a few days!!! Can't believe that is around the corner!!!

On a victory note... After my slip up on Wednesday night (eating that bread and banana bread) I decided to be really careful and wait for hunger the next morning. I started the day with a great time with the Lord...and He graciously strengthened me and helped me wait it out. I bypassed breakfast with the family (with Jon, the kids and in-laws), which didn't feel awkward as I kept myself busy puttering around the house. I ended up getting hungry later in the morning, opted to just wait a little longer, and then was good and hungry when it was lunchtime. It felt wonderful to be on track and within the boundaries of victory once again. And then, adding one more step forward, I was careful how much I ate at lunch, and was then hungry for supper. Woohoo! I'm very thankful for the Lord's power, provisions and equipping...and grace.

Wednesday check-in

2009-07-16T05:28:00.000-07:00
Checking in for my personal challenge this week:
#1. No eating in front of the TV unless it is a meal.
Once again I didn't eat while watching TV.

#2. 11pm bedtime.
My in-laws are at our place and after they headed to bed Jon and I continued talking...a bit too late. So I didn't really get to bed until closer to 11:15-11:30.

#3. Exercise 5x this week.
Day three of exercise this week. I jumped rope for 20 minutes.

#4. No desserts this week.
Once again, a kinda no answer from me. I "cheated" a little bit by eating 1/2 scone at lunch and 1.5 slice banana bread after the supper main course. We have my in-laws here and it was a low sweet, less rich kind of treat...so I went for it. But it is not exactly what I wanted for the week.

Okay, confession time..... I am saddened that I missed out on a learning opportunity that I had last night. I had baked a fresh loaf of bread in the breadmaker for tomorrow (which is now today's) lunch. Somehow I was able to stuff away the truth, pushing it as far back as possible at the first possible sound of that little voice of reason and truth...and headed to try a slice at 10pm. After my in-laws headed to bed, I went for some more bread.....and added to that some banana bread. Ugh.

I didn't feel past #5. However I knew I had NOT set myself up for victory for the next day's eating. I had an inkling that I'd regret the choices...but forgot how MUCH I regret the choice the next day. This morning I woke up feeling awful about the choices I'd made. I felt saddened that I'd missed out on learning a way out of the temptation. I felt awful thinking how much I'd eaten. And I felt renewed concern about weight gain and not loss...when in fact I'd like my weight to settle down to a more reasonable level before we head to Mexico next week. The extra snack (which was also extra large) is not going to help me meet that goal.

I also just finished reading "Freedom from Emotional Eating" by Barb Raveling and it was SUCH a great chapter at the end....and I feel saddened, with all the great knowledge and tools she presented, that I didn't take hold of the truth. I was really so encouraged by each study in that last chapter over the past few days. Missing out on the learning opportunity was a bit like twisting a knife in the back! I want another one!!! hahaha! Oh boy, that's a little strange isn't it!

Okay, I will probably get my wish and have more temptations today. I have my in-laws here still. And then tonight my parents are coming over. There is always more food around...and more on a time schedule...during company visits. Plus tonight I'm going to make and serve a coconut cream pie (my dad's favorite) but I intend to bypass. So it looks like I have some more learning opportunities in disguise! LOL

Tuesday check-in

2009-07-15T04:18:00.000-07:00
Checking in for my personal challenge this week:

#1. No eating in front of the TV unless it is a meal.
I didn't eat while watching TV.

#2. 11pm bedtime.
I went to bed at 10:45pm.

#3. Exercise 5x this week.
I exercised day 2 of this week - jumped rope for 20 minutes.

#4. No desserts this week.
I kinda followed through with the dessert thing...though I make it a question mark because I did have a small scone after pizza at suppertime. I think of scones as more of a biscuit as it isn't very rich or sweet...so that's why I say I "kinda followed through." Anyways, better then I would usually do.

Monday check-in

2009-07-13T20:48:00.001-07:00
Okay, I promised in this post that I'd touch base here each day this week giving account for how I followed through with each of the resolutions I felt called to.

#1. No eating in front of TV unless it is a meal.
Yes, I managed to not only not eat in front of the TV...but also to not even turn the TV on today. :-)

#2. 11pm bedtime.
Last night I must confess I didn't get to bed until 11:10pm...which is actually a step in the right direction still! At least it wasn't midnight! Tonight I'm aiming to head straight to bed after this post! So I'm hoping to be in bed, lights out by 11pm:-)

#3. Exercise 5x this week.
Well, I got it in one time this week! Yay! This is a big accomplishment! I haven't been doing much exercise at all over the past 2 months....*gulp* time sure does fly!

#4. No desserts this week.
Followed through with this. It wasn't easy this evening...but I made it! I got through it:-) I'm not getting too nit-picky about what this means exactly, how many grams of sugar is allowed etc. But I mainly just want to steer clear of sugary treats after lunch or dinner.

TW Summer Study - day 14

2009-07-13T20:22:00.000-07:00
Day Fourteen ~ Choosing to Build on Truth

Building on the truth. How often do I allow lies or outright rebellion be the foundation of my thinking? More often than I would like to recount I fear! This chapter reminds us that beliefs move to actions which reap results. Therefore it is key to make sure the beliefs are grounded in truth. It's a chain reation!

I was encouraged by these verses:
Christ in you, the hope of glory. Colossians 1:27
For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. Philippians 2:13
Too often I get sidetracked by trying to do this all on my own...and I know far too well how that works! I usually derail all the good intentions I feel called to. I fail. I slip. I slide. I need to remember that it is GOD who is at work...not Christina! His all-surpassing power in this jar of clay!

The other thing that stood out for me with this chapter were the following points:
Be informed. Be willing. Be faithful. TW pg 143-144
I'm feeling challenged to "be informed." I have been thinking how I want to put less "junk" into my body. I want to use more discernment in this area, particularily with sugary treats. That is probably my biggest weakness with eating...big surprise! :-)

I'm also feeling challenged to "be willing" and "be faithful"...in other words be more fully surrendered to the Lord. I don't want to hold back. I want to allow Him to lead and direct me. I want my life to be a living sacrifice to Him...because I know that I can trust Him and I know that He loves me more than I can even trust or love myself!

Here is some good advice which I really should apply:
The next time you face the pantry, refrigerator, or cookie jar, and you're really not hungry, ask yourself what you believe about your quest to become a vibrant, healthy temple of God.

Ask yourself (and the Lord) what actions would follow if you were to believe what God's Word of truth says about you? God has promised to empower you so that your actions reap results that give glory to Him and an abiding joy within. TW pg148
Now I just have to move to the application stage with all these thoughts!

Hold me to account, please!

2009-07-12T18:25:00.000-07:00
Okay, today I am setting a few resolutions for the upcoming week. I'll give account each day here. So, here they are....

#1. No eating in front of the television unless it is a meal. (on Sunday nights we often watch America's Funniest Videos as a family with a popcorn supper) So, that means NO SNACKING in front of the TV. And I want to stick with this until at least the end of the summer. It's going to be tough because it has become a habit over the past few months. On weekends, once the kids are in bed, I love popping up some popcorn and munching in front of the TV. Maybe I can keep my hands busy with some crocheting (!). I think I could figure that out again if I took a stab at it!

#2. Bedtime needs to be 11pm at the latest, so I can be up at a reasonable time.

#3. I'm going to exercise 5x this week. NO EXCUSES! I just have to get moving! Going to bed earlier should help with that.

#4. No desserts this week. Ooooh, this will be a hard one. But I know this will be a wise choice.

Planning and Preparing

2009-07-11T08:27:00.001-07:00
I wanted to remember some of the stuff posted on this thread at the thin within forums. There is some really good stuff posted there that is worth reading.

TW Summer Study - day 13

2009-07-10T08:28:00.000-07:00
Day Thirteen ~ Wind Beneath My Wings

The last chapter dealt with furnishing my mind. This chapter continues digging a bit deeper into this concept. As I have good intentions to furnish my mind with only that which is pleasing to the Lord, I often continue slipping and sliding around... And the key is:
Observe and correcct the things that stand in the way of reaching your godly goals... If you find you are flesh-controlled, stop and ask God to fill all your empty places with Himself. TW pg136
God will provide a way out of temptation (2 Corinthians 10:13)... He promises an exit plan is available.

2 Corinthians 10:5, capturing every thought for Christ, becomes particularily compelling at this point. Each present moment counts. Practising His presence becomes all that more important as I will be more discerning of His good and perfect will when I am in step with Him.

I appreciated Heidi's marble jar video so much and thought it fit so well with this chapter...and I really want to keep this video on record for myself. It is an inspiring look at capturing each present moment.

I think I'm going to try the physical use of a marble jar or even a graph (color in a square for each victory step) for my travels.

Continuing on, this chapter also introduces the concept of a naturally thin person.
Think of a naturally thin person, someone who is not governed by rules or laws regarding food and eating. TW pg135
The person that comes to my mind is such an inspiration in this regard. I love how she doesn't care about calorie counting, fat grams, carbs etc. etc. She simply aims to eat a healthy well rounded diet in moderation. She eats slowly, enjoys and savours her food, puts her fork down and states she is "full" often way before me, and has a take it or leave it attitude towards dessert, depending on if she has room still for dessert. Even her dessert she eats in moderation. I cannot even IMAGINE her binging on food! That seems unfathomable for me! But I truly believe this is just not an area she struggles with. She has candy and chocolate lying out in full view all over her house. Her halloween candy stash lasts past a year and has to be thrown out! She actually FORGETS about the candy and chocolate and sweet treats on her counter! I cannot IMAGINE that either! I am thankful for this glimpse of freedom and balance. Will I ever be in that spot? Probably not to the degree she is...yet I pray I will move more and more in that direction.

So, once again, I am reminded to practice His presence. To be present. To capture the present moment. Because of His grace. Because of His love. Because of His compassion. By His enabling and empowering.
I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them. Hosea 11:4
Lord, I look up and open wide my mouth. Feed me. I love you. Amen.

TW Summer Study - day 12

2009-07-09T12:22:00.000-07:00
Day Twelve ~ Furnishing the Halls of the Mind

Once again the title is grabbing my attention. "Furnishing" brings many images to mind. I'm NOT inclined towards interior decorating in the least! Though I do like to make sure our home is adequately furnished with comfortable furniture, dishes, pictures on the walls, plants etc.

Last chapter was about demolishing and removing the rubble. This chapter is about moving in, having a fresh start. What kinds of things am I going to allow to line the walls of my mind? What fills my every waking thought?

And when the term "practising the presence of God" was mentioned on pg 123 it came together and clicked for me. I am being reminded to once again take each and every moment in step with the Lord, present in His Presence.

This chapter introduced Larry the Legalist, Maureen the Manipulator and Abigail the Achiever. I think I have a tendency to be any one of those at any moment in time. Though I think I most relate to Larry as I often get sidetracked onto this path of legalism that makes me feel like I am in control...and then WHAM! I find out I am definitely NOT in control!!!! My fleshly desires and urges are VERY strong and alive and active and kicking just as described in Galatians 5:17!
For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. Galatians 5:17
I appreciated these words, paraphrased from various scripture verses:
"In Christ," I am inspired by His Spirit... "In Christ," I am equipped for whatever He calls me to do... "In Christ..." I am free, no longer a slave to sin. TW pg122
Inspired. Equipped. Free.

That is the path I want to be on. The path of God's provision under the canopy of His grace.

Today I have been focussing on practising His presence. I have been aiming to take every inclination and thought captive to Him, desiring to be "free to hear the voice of the Spirit leading and directing me." (TW pg123)

I have often spoken about this concept with others when explaining TW to them...but often forget to apply and ask the Lord "What should I eat for lunch today? What is pleasing in Your sight? When should I stop Lord?" I usually remember to have a grateful heart at mealtimes and use the opportunities to praise and thank Him for the food before me, though this is harder at family mealtimes... But to actually apply discernment to my eating choices according to His Spirit's leading is something I have not been practising very effectively or frequently.

Thank You Lord that You are able and willing to make all grace abound to Your children, so that in all things at all times, having all that we need, we will abound in every good work. (2 Corinthians 9:8)

TW Summer Study - day 11

2009-07-07T20:47:00.000-07:00
Day Eleven ~ Removal of the Rubble

Rubble is defined as "broken bits and pieces of anything, as that which is demolished."

Has gluttony and greed been demolished, destroyed, ruined, torn down, laid to waste yet? I guess I feel like God has given me a measure of victory in this battle... But I feel a bit like the Israelites at times, clinging to some of the idols, stealing some of the forbidden plunder...not allowing the ruin to be complete. Sometimes I even wonder if I have some walls still standing.

Regardless, God desires the rubble to be removed. I know He wants me to be whole and healed and free in Him. That is the point of this chapter.

Here is probably the largest piece of rubble that I see lingering in the ruins...
This is my body, and I can do with it as I please. TW pg110
Ah, flat out rebellion! A good old temper tantrum! A self-focussed, pleasure-seeking attitude.

Not only are you a temple, a santuary in which God has chosen to dwell, but you are set apart by Him and for Him. You are His! TW pg111
If I could *really* connect with the above truth, I know I would experience a new level of freedom in Christ.

Set apart. His temple. What a privilege and honor and joy. I am humbled and excited and nervous all at once!

This ol' jar of clay?! You sure, Lord? Wow! You really do love me!

His provision... He empowers... We can live in peace... TW pg112

Peace. This is what I am seeking at this point in my TW journey. I want to be present in His Presence and experience His peace.

Here is some more rubble that the chapter highlighted which I could well relate to...

Lie: The joy I get from eating is worth any suffering that happens as a result.
Far too often this is the kind of thinking I have. I know in my heart that I will regret it later...but I go ahead anyways and eat outside the 0-5 boundaries or eat what I know is not what God is directing me towards.
Truth: Rejoice in the Lord always. Phil. 4:4
True joy only comes from the Lord. I need to remember this. There are no regrets when I feed on Living Water and the Bread of Life.

Lie: I will worry about getting control of my eating when things aren't so crazy or hectic.
Hmm... Sounds like a classic line that I use just about every chance I get. There will ALWAYS be an excuse! Honestly! I believe I could make up one for just about every day of the year! Anyways, the one I'm dealing with right now is summer travels. I know things are going to be out of whack, particularily when we head to Mexico (same place as last year) and are living according to the schedule of our host family for 2 weeks...and then of course when we are enjoying the family vacation portion and being tempted to do the "tourist nibbling" thing. So I could easily pull out this excuse and stop being intentional... But... I know this is not a renewing of my mind with truth.
Truth: Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. James 4:13-15
The truth of the matter is that since I can always make up an excuse, no excuse is a good excuse! I must live intentionally in step with the Lord, in the Presence of the Lord, in the PRESENT....not just in the future! NOW is the time! The Kingdom of God, the reign of God, is NOW for His child.

And the thing I appreciate most about God is that He is gracious...and He is not leaving me unequipped... Rather, His word says (as paraphrased TW pg114) You have been given everything you need for life and godliness by His very great and precious promises (2 Peter 1:3).

Here's a quote I love and bears repeating...
You can say, "I can't," as long as in the next breath you say, "But, God, You can." (as quoted by Kay Arthur in TW on pg114)
The prayer on pg115 is my prayer today:
Please break me where I am proud and strengthen me where I am weak so I can surrender fully to You and to the power of Your transforming grace.

Camping Trip

2009-07-05T21:10:00.000-07:00
We just got back from a camping trip. What a great time we had! Here are a few pictures from our trip...

Beautiful scenery! What a masterpiece God created!
Our eldest daughter looking so pretty:-)

And my "baby" :-)

A new "friend":-) He found an empty container of icing on the picnic table...and proceeded to lick it clean!!!
I know our hair looks a bit frazzled! We all have hat heads! This was the first island we "landed" on for our short canoe trip outing.

Another sight on our canoe trip ~ an awesome bald eagle... The fact that it was July 4th, American Independance Day, didn't escape me! After all, my mom and relatives on her side are all american citizens!

I'm wishing I'd taken some pictures of our campsite and fun around the campfire... But for now, this is the best I have to offer:-)

In terms of eating within 0-5...I could have done better. I actually started off pretty intentional and was staying in the boundaries. However, as the week progressed I began to slack off. And the late night snacks around the campfire, coupled with inevitable extra camping treats like ice cream, munchies, chips, cookies...began to take their toll on my good intentions. Whatever the case, I'm back and determined to once again re-commit to 0-5.

I'm thankful for the many blessings God has poured into my life. When I look at His handiwork surrounding me in nature, I am awestruck! When I experience the joy of family and friends, I am thankful. When I realize His unlimitted patience with me, I am humbled. He is good. Thank you, Lord.

TW Summer Study - day 10

2009-06-29T06:55:00.000-07:00
Day Ten~ Building in the Present Moment

This chapter was EXACTLY what I needed, right after writing my last post. I have been feeling like victory is so fleeting. I have been feeling tired out from the battle...from losing so many battles.

To know that this PRESENT moment counts is awesome. Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. (Phil 3:12) That resonates.

On page 94 the question is asked, "Have you been...beating yourself up for your lack of success?"

And my answer is a resounding "YES!" I feel like I have the knowledge of how to experience God's victory in this area, but feel unable to make real lasting progress. However I guess I need to re-examine what progress is. In Sheila's words in TW (pg95) she says, "I'm not a failure, but a work in progress." This has been my motto...which I guess I need reminding of once again. My life, as long as I am alive on this earth, will ALWAYS be a work in progress!

Here are a few quotes that stuck out to me...
Through his eyes, perceived failures become opportunities. TW pg 95

Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. (Denis Waitley) TW pg 95

Failure is not something we are. Failure is something we do. TW pg 96

We are God's saints by calling, who fail. TW pg 98
He knows we will fail even before we do, but it is not His will that we fail without benefiting or maturing in some way from the experience. TW pg 99

You must not try harder; you must strive less. You must acknowledge your helplessness and total dependence upon the Spirit for your guidance, your area of service, and your ability to love. You are created for good works, but they must flow out of your abiding communion with the Living vine. God's grace is more than a pardon; it is a constant, ever-flowing provision, a reassuring presence and an incredible power. TW pg 99

Each of these quotes cut right to my heart and lifted my spirits and encouraged me to continue pressing on, forgetting what was behind...though of course not forgetting the lessons learned.

I realize the importance of not allowing these failures to be wasted. Each of these moments of failure are learning opportunities disguised as failures. If I ignore the opportunity to actually grow and learn from them, my growth will be slow going, as I have to keep on learning the same lesson over and over again. If I focus on the renewing of my mind, by God's truth and grace each step of the way, then I will begin to be transformed for His glory. So I press on:-)
The real question is not whether you are going to fail, but rather how you will respond when you do. TW pg 100
In closing, here is a song that came to mind as I began this post.

HISTORY by Matthew West
(To listen to the song click here...no clue what the youtube video is about so you can ignore that and just read the lyrics below as you listen. The song starts at :30 and ends at 4:30)

Its been a bad day, you've been looking back
And all you can see is everything you wish you could take back
All your mistakes, a world of regrets
All of those moments you would rather forget
I know it's hard to believe
Let me refresh your memory

Chorus:
Yesterday is history
And history is miles away
So leave it all behind you
Let it always remind you of the day
The day that love made history

You know you can't stay right where you fell
The hardest part is forgiving yourself
But let's take a walk into today
And don't let your past get in the way

Repeat chorus

Yeah Yeah

Would you believe that you are history
In the making, in the making
Every choice that you are making
Every step that you are taking
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
Every word that you are saying
Every prayer that you are praying
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
History is in the making
History is in the making

Repeat chorus

Yeah yeah
Oh history is in the making

Every word that you are saying
Every prayer that you are praying
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
History is in the making
History is in the making

"I'm tired" rant

2009-06-28T11:14:00.000-07:00
I'm tired of it being so hard to lose or maintain weight. I'm tired of each choice counting. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of failing. I'm tired of caring. I want to just be 150lbs and STAY there. I'm tired of feeling ashamed. I'm tired of feeling like a public failure, as each regained pound is outwardly reflective of failure. I'm tired of my body's lumps and bumps and bulges and flab. I'm tired of being anxious about this. I'm tired of being tired about this!

Lord, help me! Help me press on and cling to your rainbow promise to me... "Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6 Amen.

Tw summer Study - day 9

2009-06-27T03:55:00.000-07:00
Day Nine ~ Overcoming Obstacles to Restoration: Part 2

Here are a few quotes that stood out to me...

His presence always accompanies us and His power is available to implement whatever He calls us to do. TW pg 85
How encouraging! Thank you, Lord.

He uses even this personal battle you are experiencing and He will redeem it for His glory. TW pg 88
This is awesome!

Joni Eareckson Tada wrote (as quoted in TW on pg88):

God uses suffering to purge sin from our lives, strengthen our committment to Him, force us to depend on grace, bind us together with other believers, produce discernment, foster sensitivity, discipline our minds, spend our time wisely, stretch our hope, cause us to know Christ better, make us long for truth, lead us to repentance of sin, teach us to give thanks in times of sorrow, increase faith, and strengthen character.

This quote has struck a chord with me each and every time I read it. As I re-read it, I broke it down.

God uses suffering to purge sin from our lives
So true. This journey has definitely pushed me to examine my heart more closely.

...strengthen our committment to Him
I agree.

...force us to depend on grace
yes

...bind us together with other believers
Can't say "yes" enough to that! This journey has certainly drawn me into deeper relationship with other sisters in Christ, both near and far.

...produce discernment
yes

...foster sensitivity
yes

...discipline our minds
Absolutely. This has been a huge area of transformation that God has worked in my life.

...spend our time wisely
I need to work on this one. TW day 8 post reminded me of ways I can spend my time even more wisely by serving others in moments of temptation.

...stretch our hope
Yes, yes, yes! And teaching me to PERSEVERE in hoping!

...cause us to know Christ better
Praise God for this gift. What a privilege and joy it has been to get to know Him more deeply over the past two years.

...lead us to repentance of sin
I agree.

...teach us to give thanks in times of sorrow.
I want to foster this more in my life, in both good times and bad.

...increase faith
Absolutely.

...and strengthen character
I believe so.

Praise God for using this journey, this personal battle, and redeeming it for His glory! My heart is filled with joy! I need to remember this and be thankful in those moments when I fall prey to more vain thoughts. Every single one of those descriptions was an internal change...POWERFUL transformations that God has worked. External change can be a wonderful blessing...but internal change is the biggest gift of all.

TW Summer Study - day 8

2009-06-27T03:34:00.001-07:00
Day Eight ~ Overcoming obstacles to Restoration: Part 1

It's been awhile since I posted. I actually have had an on-track 0-5 week, which is wonderful, praise God! Though I have to admit I'm still struggling through the freedom from the scale issue.

Okay, moving on... As I thought about taking every thought captive, here are a few beliefs about food that came to mind:
* I need sugary treats each day to feel better. Nothing else will hit the spot.
* Just this one time (overindulging or eating outside 0-5).
* I am doing myself a favor eating up the treat so it won't tempt me later. I'd be back for more later anyways.

Creative options in moments of temptation:
* call a friend, ask God who I can minister to even with a phone call
* write an encouragement note or email to someone every time I feel tempted
* read a book
* have a bath...put out candles and all to add to the distraction!
* put on some music...and maybe even dance to it

As I type this up I'm hit with the realization that an effective way out of temptation is focussing on serving the LORD and OTHERS, rather than serve MYSELF in those moments. I'm looking forward to applying this thought.

Preplanning for trials:
I have so much appreciated this concept, the intentional nature of everything, not being blown around by every whim and desire. I try to do this a lot, calling it "setting myself up for victory." I don't want to give the devil a foothold. In TLT the concept of links of a chain was described and how we need to make sure we destroy the links that lead to sin. (or something along those lines! I'm just remembering off the top of my head:-)

Wise choices:
These words on page 81 hit me like a ton of bricks. I need to make wise choices more frequently. Something for me to think about more.

Okay, that's the summary of what hit me for this chapter. Onto the next chapter:-)

TW Summer Study - day 7

2009-06-22T07:25:00.001-07:00
Day Seven ~ My Body, God's Restoration Underway

The person on the path of God's provision, as we have seen, may experience a "two steps forward and one back" movement, but the direction is set. TW pg 64
Oh boy can I relate to that!!! My journey to surrender my body to the Lord has certainly been this kind of momentum...and, praise God, in the past year has also been with a set direction. To finally be persevering through the "one step back moments" is a huge victory that I can only attribute to God's grace and empowering.

The two words that kept on going through my head over and over again after I finished reading this chapter were "GLORIOUS RUINS" (as quoted by A.W. Tozer). I know that sin has such a destructive effect in my life, overeating being just one of many that I struggle with, but thinking of myself, a child of God, as "glorious ruins" is awesome! God loves me. He has made me in His image. He wants me to be transformed into His image more and more, to glorify Him. So, I give Him the ruins of my life... I want to continue ruminating on this thought.

This chapter began to push the reader to examine WHY the ruins exist...bringing us back to the concept of fat machinery. The ones I've been dealing with lately are:

Conditioned/Habitual response:
* wanting to munch on popcorn when I settle down to watch TV (especially on weekends)
* nibbling on food at the counter as I prepare the dinner meal for the family
* dinner time and weekends are definitely my most challenging times to stay on course with 0-5 as I desire to eat with the family and meals are often a little more "hearty"...plus I tend to eat more sweets at these times.

Beliefs:
* a rebellious attitude that says "I want it" despite the known consequences
* "I need sugar" to feel better/to finish off the meal etc.

Failures:
* apathy sets in at times and I eat because I feel like my efforts are not reaping the rewards I desire, so "why try?"

Each of these reasons [we choose to eat when we aren't hungry], if allowed to go unchallenged, acts as a termite-infested cedar beam in God's temple. TW pg 70
I think the next two chapters begin to set the course for renewing of the mind with truth and taking each of these triggers captive to Christ. It was a good exercise to take a fresh look at what fat machinery has taken root in my life in recent months. It is time for me to respond rather than react.

I appreciated the scripture highlighted at the close of this chapter. It gives me much hope as I know that on my own, in my own strength, I have failed and will continue to fail time and time again. But God's not leaving me helpless and unequipped for this journey, in this struggle to surrender all to Him.

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness." 2 Peter 1:3

TW Summer Study - day 6

2009-06-22T07:04:00.000-07:00
Day Six ~ My Body, God's Temple

The following quote really resonated with me,
You are an expression of His glory, created in His image to know Him personally and to make Him known. (TW pg 57)

This chapter began to introduce the concept of "fat machinery".
Anything that pushes us toward eating when we aren't hungry, when we're not yet at that empty 0 runs counter to our godly goals. (TW pg 57)

Four categories were unpacked: conditioned or habitual responses, beliefs, past stories and failures.

An easy way for me to view fat machinery is to think of it as triggers. I'll unpack them a little more in the next chapter post.

In the meantime another thing that stood out to me was the portion or the chapter in regards to the scale. I feel bad because this past week I slid back to using the scale. I was hoping I had finally moved to a phase of the journey where I no longer needed or felt compelled to use it.

Last week's weigh-in was a bit of a roller coaster ride for me. I felt like I'd been so consistent and was in such a good place with TW and my body and with the Lord. To see 159lbs looking back at me on the scale was discouraging. I felt like my "obedience" was not being reflected on the scale. Anyways, I did not slide into a deep pit of muck and mire like I have at other times on my journey...but it did throw me for a spin. It certainly pushed me to make some observations about why I am this weight. I now feel it was a needed reality check.

I still don't exactly know what role I want the scale to play in my journey. Maybe I need these reality checks every now and then.... The following quote from this chapter spoke to this approach to the scale...
We often think things are better or worse than they actually are, so prayerfully using the scales as a reality check from time to time is OK. TW pg 59

I like the concept of the scale being my "reality check" not my "club of condemnation" (or excuse for "permission to celebrate with food").

Once again I feel God's peace and perspective flooding my soul. I want to continue letting this journey flow as it flows, without forcing it into a specific box or form.

Reign of God

2009-06-20T06:46:00.000-07:00
First of all, I've got to be honest....it's been a tough week. I faced the scale on Wednesday due to a doctor's appointment. And it did send me for a bit of a spin. Anyways, I am still working my way through the role of the scale in this journey. My two primary goals~scale or no scale~are #1. glorify God (and God continues impressing on me the importance of surrendering my body to Him by eating 0-5 as a way of glorifying Him) and #2. come to peace with my body. So I continue one step at a time...

Second, my husband (who I have to say was incredibly supportive and encouraging through my spin this week) probed me a bit about my approach to this journey. He challenged me to take another look at Matthew 6:31-33 again...

"So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:31-33
I love these verses and have highlighted them many times before...but I think I zoned in more on seek first "his righteousness" part of the verse, rather than "his kingdom". I have been seeking to obey Him and be surrendered to Him (in particular with regards to the sin of gluttony and greed)....which is right and good and certainly aligns with the intention of these verses. But the terminology "his kingdom" brings a whole new depth of understanding to these verses which I need to keep in the forefront.

This past year my husband went on a bit of a quest to figure out exactly what Jesus meant in his frequent reference through the gospels to the kingdom of God and kingdom of Heaven. A simple way of understanding it is this kingdom is the reign of God right here and now AND in the age to come. Oftentimes I perceived it as more of a future kingdom...but it is also about the here and now. I have been making an effort to learn more about this kingdom by circling each and every reference to it as I read through the gospels.

So what does God's kingdom look like? That becomes the pressing question. First and foremost God is King. He is Lord and Ruler. If He is the King of my life, I am fully and completely surrendered to His rule in my life in ALL AREAS. Scripture unpacks time and again many characteristics of a life surrendered to Him. I think the fruit of the spirit is a good start since it is reflects much of the character of God...as He increases in our lives we decrease. Other things that come to mind, that Jesus emphasized so often, is caring for the poor and needy. He had such a heart for the oppressed. So I will continue digging into this topic and studying scripture as I still have much more to learn.

I think it is fair to say a life lived with JESUS as King, the greatest Love of my heart and life, naturally becomes an OTHER-centered life. Becoming GOD-focussed means becoming OTHER-centered.

So, as I re-examine the above scripture from Matthew 6:31-33 I can't help but have a fresh realization of the importance of being OTHER-centered. I have often pinpointed one of my primary goals on this journey as being to have "soul satisfaction" through a complete GOD-focus...but I can't help but think that this aspiration can become a bit hollow and self-centered if it is without God's love in action...which is OTHER-centered. I think I'm going to change my main spiritual aspiration from "soul satisfaction" to "delighting in the Lord and His will". I think that encompasses both soul satisfaction, which is growing to love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength...and also the action that God calls me to...which is to love others. I want my life to be poured out for Him and I want Him to reign as King of my life right here and now and forever.

Sooooo, that starts with RIGHT NOW, today, being more patient and kind and loving towards my husband...as I was a bit "snippety" with him today. It is pouring myself into my kids. It is seeking God's guidance as to which neighbours and friends to spend time with, planting seeds in their lives. Which programs at church does God want me to become part of, impacting lives for His glory? It's about the kids who I see every day at school, who I have the privilege to love and care for. The hurting people that God has brought into my life, whom I get to love, love, and love, pray, support, mentor. The muslim lady, a block away, who is lonely and longs for a friend. Sharing a kind and encouraging word with friends, in-person or online. Returning to Mexico this summer will be another step that I pray will help me become more other-centered for God's glory and purposes. Yikes! I'm getting excited! :-) Delighting in the Lord and His will is clearly not a boring or sedentary thing!!!!

Lord, help me to have the mind of Christ. Help me be Your aroma spreading throughout the world, extending Your love and mercy, teaching others Your truth, spreading the good news of Your grace and mercy and forgiveness, reflecting You in all I say and do. Help me to love You more deeply each day. And help me, in turn, love others for Your glory. Transform me. Mold me into Your image. Renew me. Use me. Guide me. Reign in my life I pray. Amen.

God at Work

2009-06-15T19:39:00.000-07:00

"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6
Clearly God has been at work...for I survived swim suit shopping today! That's worth celebrating! I tell you, the lighting in those Walmart change rooms is VERY unflattering! I didn't get the same effect when trying on my purchases at home...

Anyways, today's shopping trip was another reminder of TW day 5's lesson on loving, accepting and embracing this body God has blessed me with. I picked out swimsuits, with little care about sizes! That is a step in the right direction! I simply wanted it to fit right. This step reflected for me the increasing peace I'm experiencing with regards to my body. I also did not pass condemnation on myself for the many bulges and stretch marks and such that I could see staring back at me in the mirror (which Walmart lighting truly accentuated!). I didn't let what I saw determine who I am.

I am feeling more and more at peace. I can accept what I look like when I know that I am seeking to surrender myself to the Lord and glorify Him. I know that I won't get things perfect and will never have a body like a magazine model, but I will keep seeking Him allowing Him to do His good work in me (whatever that looks like!)...for peace is found in His presence, as I keep my gaze stayed on Him.

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." Isaiah 26:3 (KJV)
Thank you Lord for Your peace and Your constant presence.

This post got me thinking about a beautiful song...so here it is if you want to check it out.

TW Summer Study - day 5

2009-06-13T11:31:00.000-07:00
Day Five ~ My Body, Fearfully and Wonderfully Made
His choice to love us. God's boundless, unconditional love. He treasures us. His profound love. He waits for us. His precious children. Allow the love of God to fall afresh on you. TW day5
These are all statements that jumped out of the pages at me for this reading. God loves me and you....REALLY loves us. His lavish love is being pressed closer to the heart in this chapter.

I find the timing of reading this chapter quite interesting because just a few days ago I had a conversation with a close friend on this very topic...weight related issues, the sin of gluttony and the "fearfully and wonderfully made" scripture truth. Our conversation forced me to press a little closer to the heart of this matter and dig a little deeper.

So, here was the big question we discussed.

Can you be overweight, clearly struggling with the sin of gluttony, and be able to cling to the the truth "fearfully and wonderfully made"?
My immediate instinct was "OF COURSE!" My friend questioned my response as she felt the sin issue was then being ignored. It was good to be pushed a little deeper. She had authentic concerns which I appreciated discussing in depth. And my answer continues to be a resounding, "Of course!"

And the dots began to connect, all coming together and beginning to make more sense, with the reading of this chapter...

But we have this treasure [the presence of God] in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 2 Corinthians 4:7

"The beauty and value of the vessel is found in what it contains." TW pg48
Wow! Isn't that an amazing statement, particularily to us as believers?! I have always heard the cliche, "It's what is inside that counts" or "Beauty comes from the inside." And I have always held to that and believed that...and still do. The above verse and statement drove that all home to an even deeper level for us as believers because God dwells INSIDE US!

Moving onto externals... The "mirror mirror exercise" highlighted and beautifully unfolded the intricate detail of our body and the function, blessings and beauty of each part. Though it may be difficult to look ourselves in the mirror....REALLY look at ourselves....it was a beautiful reminder of the fact that our bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made and certainly have had a clear function in day to day living and loving. Yes, for some of us the sin of gluttony may be showing its wear and tear on our body (and just for the record, I've been many different sizes and shapes at 5'6" - 115lbs, 150 lbs, 160lbs, 175lbs, 205lbs, so I can personally attest to wear and tear I've experienced in my own skin)...but that doesn't discount the fact that we are still fearfully and wonderfully made.

I was reminded again that we cannot hate ourselves into change. If I cannot even look at my body, and feel a sense of contempt for my body, I am missing out on seeing the beauty and fingerprints in God's creation...me. So often we just focus on external criteria for beauty - slim hips, shapely legs, small butt, pert nose, full lips, flat stomach, no stretch marks etc. etc. etc. How many of us actually fill that criteria?! Seriously! (I know I never have!!!) This brings to mind this classic Dove commercial...

The point is that not even the "models" of beauty fill every criteria that our society has for external beauty. I think it is awesome to go deeper and push past all those external marks of beauty and find the beauty that we each have as unique individuals, both externally and internally. We're not barbie clones!!!! God has made each of us beautiful in our own unique way! We all come in different shapes and sizes, with different limitations and gifts, with different kinds of beauty.

"Fingerprints of God" by Steven Curtis Chapman

But the most beautiful thing of all is a heart that is surrendered to God and is reflecting the contents [God's presence] of their vessel, their jar of clay! I seriously believe that! When I see a person who LOVES God it shines through and radiates and it's impossible not to see the beauty that comes from a woman who fears the Lord. As I think about many friends I have here on the internet I don't even know what they look like externally! What a privilege though to be able to see people's hearts!!!! And how BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL so many of you are!!!! I can hardly contain my excitement when I see this beauty. It's reflecting. It's shining through.

That's how I think God looks at each of us. This is the kind of beauty the Lord loves and treasures! Christ in us. A beautiful, contrite, God-focused spirit. As we keep our focus on God, as we are doing with TW here, the external appearance of our bodies will naturally adjust to where God intends for us to settle. I truly believe that.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30
So, after this very long winded post, I continue sticking to my resounding "Of course" we are fearfully and wonderfully made, no matter what size or shape we come in. And in my books I have to say my standard definition for beauty is not based on the externals but really and truly on the heart of each person. I could go through a list of internal beauty marks which radiate - kindess, humility, goodness, gentleness, patience, love, generosity, curiousity, faithfulness etc. etc...but really the most shining characteristic of the most beautiful people is a heart surrendered to the Lord. What beauty is reflected! Because JESUS IS RELFECTED!

As I dwell on this definition for beauty I can't help but feel free to be loved by God into all that He intends to me...rather than condemned and hating myself into changing (which we know doesn't really work very well at all!).

TW Summer Study - day 4

2009-06-11T18:18:00.000-07:00

Day Four ~ A Path of My Choosing

Moment by moment, step by step, in the present...choices, choices, choices to be made.

CHOICE: Beat myself up for my failures. Step into the prison of paralyzed fear, condemnation, despair. Listen to the lies of Satan. And stay in this cycle....forever.

or

CHOICE: Allow myself to be loved by God. Allow myself to believe God and what His word says. Listen to the Holy Spirit's nudgings and conviction and teaching. Learn from my mistakes. Allow truth to line the walls of my mind. Change. Be transformed. Be saturated in God's grace and love. Be equiped and empowered to change from within by the renewing of my mind, taking thoughts captive to Christ...and move to victory step by step by step by step.

Observation (dispassionate as Heidi emphasizes) and correction are such important tools to consider and apply on this journey. Here is one I need to apply tonight...

Situation: Tonight, as I was eating supper, I had drank a big glass of water, had some salad and munched on a bit of fruit and was moving to what I was most looking forward to...a slice of homemade pizza...and a very subtle (almost imperceptible) little air bubble burp - ladylike of course:-) - escaped.

Observation: I could sense that I was getting near #5. But in all honesty I DID NOT WANT TO STOP. (I knew that in the past this little air bubble escape meant I should stop. And I would actually stop right then, no more bites. I was done.) But I have no longer been paying attention to this cue and certainly didn't want to listen to this cue as I bit into the slice of pizza...and so I kept going. I know I'm pushing my #5 hunger #'s. I am feeling greedy at suppertime, trying to squeeze as much food in as possible. And my #5's should probably be closer to #6 or #7 a lot of the time.

Correction: Slow down so I can enjoy and savour every bite fully. Be very very aware of my body's cues as I near satisfaction. Next meal STOP before or when I get that air bubble escape. NOT ONE BITE PAST! For the times when I feel satisfied before the air bubble escape, try practising by leaving a couple bites on my plate/bowl, offering them to the Lord (not just for the sake of doing it!) as a sacrifice of worship to Him, reflecting on my surrender to Him, on being mastered by Him alone.

Okay, that was pretty long winded, more than usual for my O&C's... But you know what, I needed to do that tonight! This is a big stepping stone for me....getting past fudging the numbers...

Love, love, love the phrase "On the path of God's provision under the canopy of His grace..." TW pg 39

It is so true. God DOES provide. He equips. He empowers. He transforms. I am so thankful for His word, for sisters in Christ who come alongside for the journey, for the strength He gives for each day, for His love that He pours out and makes known to me each day, for the nudgings of the Holy Spirit, for answers to prayer, for caring about the smallest details of my life... I could go on and on.

I want to stay on the path of His provision under the canopy of His grace.
Here's a favorite verse I choose to cling to.

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8

Self-control

2009-06-10T07:36:00.000-07:00
This week I am finishing up the Beth Moore "Living Beyond Yourself: Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit" bible study. The study ends with a study on self-control. So I thought it would be worthwhile to throw a few quotes out there that have stood out to me this week. All quotes are taken from the LBY study workbook. I hope they inspire you as much as they have me!

-----------------
Love keeps us afloat, and self-control keeps us anchored. Love lends us liberality, and self-control provides the boundaries within which love can be unleashed. (g 200)
Self-control is an issue of mastery, of authority, of boundaries. (pg 201)

Without self-control, we are like a city with broken-down walls! (referring to Prov. 25:28) To understand the significance of such a terrible dilemma we must remember a crucial characteristic of ancient architecture: a city was only as secure as the walls which surrounded it. A city's walls were its fortification. Archeologists estimate that three chariots could ride side by side on the wall of Nineveh. The walls of Babylon were so wide that six chariots could ride abreast on them! Their walls lent the reputation that they were practically impenetrable. (pg 202)

We are the temple of God...and self-control is our wall of protection. (pg 202)

Self-control is the decision to remain within the boundaries of victory! (pg 202)

I don't believe starvation forms of dieting are to the glory of God. I don't believe that crash dieting leads to much more than binging. The point is neither size nor shape. The point is freedom: a freedom that results from eating that which is beneficial to the body with not only the intent of losing weight, but also with the intent of glorifying God. This same resulting freedom leaves the results of our obedience up to Him. We'll be free. He'll be glorified, and we might just lose a pound or two in the process. (pg 215)

A victorious life is the sum of many victorious days. (pg 217)

Psalm 63 opens in the earliest moment of the day, reminding us that a victorious day begins with a victorious morning. You may be saying "But, I'm just not a morning person." I understand. But the problem is: God is a morning Person! (pg 217) love that quote! :-)

TW Summer Study - day 3

2009-06-09T07:08:00.000-07:00
Day Three ~ Going for Godly Goals

I'm quite a goal oriented person. I like my lists. I like to make a perfect copy...of the good copy...of the rough draft of a list!!! LOL It's in my nature! This chapter has typically resonated with me as I would decide on what a good # I'd like to see on the scale at a certain point in time etc. It was the kind of motivation I needed. I still have felt God impress on me some clear goals and objectives as I posted about here.

But I feel like I'm at a bit of a different place right now than I was a year ago, with a bit less focus on the externals like weight and exercise etc. My focus has gradually shifted more to the internals, to the shape of my heart. I'm excited about this change that is taking shape. It's all part of the journey I guess! I look forward to greater surrender and intimacy with the Lord. I look forward to more of Him and less of me...

One thing I found quite interesting to note was that my vision statement has changed over the past year. Originally my vision statement was:
My life's purpose is to shine for Jesus, glorify God, evangelize the lost and equip the saints. (Some of our church's vision statement resonated so deeply with me that it became my own personal vision statement)
Here's my updated one, that the Lord has been impressing on me the past number of months...
My life's purpose is to love God more each day and extend His love to others...for His glory. I desire to be the aroma of Christ in this world.
Okay, I know I'm not that eloquent, but it pretty much sums up what I've been journeying through and towards lately.

So, with this vision statement in mind, I guess my primary goal is to find satisfaction in Him alone....not in food, leisure time, online time, family, friendships, material stuff... Him alone. All else fades in comparison to knowing and loving...and being loved by...Him....and passing it on to others so they can get to know and love and be loved by Him!

I love the verse that was highlighted in this chapter:
"The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives." (Psalm 37:23, NLT)
Beautiful! We certainly have a GREAT God!

Monday restart?

2009-06-08T06:26:00.000-07:00
Barb Raveling wrote about this very dilemma on her blog here, about 1 1/2 months ago and it really resonated with me. Mondays have often been my "restart" day. What a cycle I can get caught up in! Her post is a worthwhile read on how to get out of this cycle.

Here's a hint!

TW Summer Study - day 2

2009-06-07T12:11:00.000-07:00
Day Two ~ Getting to Know the Me God Has Made

As I settle in, ready to type up my thoughts on this reading, I am being drawn to the title of this chapter. As I focus on it after reading the chapter, everything I read is beginning to gel together.

Here are a few quotes that I want to highlight:

God is love. (1 John 4:8) His is an active love... He was inspired to initiate relationships with human beings from the beginning of creation because it is in His character to love... Our God is also amazingly creative... TW pg 18

[God] wants to be your constant companion on your journey to healing and wholeness. TW pg 21

By eating from 0 to 5, you will be on the path to the natural size He designed you to be. TW pg 24
I find that last quote, about the natural size, quite compelling. It's something I wrestle with. As I lay aside the man-made scale in favor of applying observation and correction under the canopy of God's grace....I am reminded to accept and love the way God has made me, just the way I am. Some days it is harder than others. Today I'm feeling a little "blobby".... As I think about swim suit weather around the corner, I have to confess I have my own "self-focussed" concerns about how my body looks...

However, there is no way I want to get off this path! I love the more "organic," natural, gracious flow of using the 0-5 scale rather than the bathroom scale. It resonates with me. I feel myself relaxing into God's will and leading. I trust Him. And I feel loved by Him.
The verse at the beginning of this chapter jumps out at me as I envision this journey being a lifelong trek, a marathon not a sprint...
Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he,
I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
Isaiah 46:4
God's love and provisions really are mind boggling, aren't they?! I'm thankful that He is my constant companion on this journey, for He really is the only One who can sustain and carry me to the end.
"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6
He's the One who loves me and brings me to the finish line! Thanks, Lord.

Counting My Blessings...

2009-06-04T08:26:00.000-07:00

This picture was taken by Jon on Monday, June 1st.
Safety during the storm
We had quite the crazy storm here this past week. I'm very thankful it didn't hit us harder. And I'm very thankful we are all safe.

Computer wasn't fried after getting facebook virus :-\
A long story short: I clicked on a link that I thought was a video (titled "My home video" along with a link...posted right in my facebook status update line) that Jon had put together for our anniversary and posted on my facebook account... I bypassed all security features because I figured if it was from Jon it would be fine...and lo and behold our computer got a virus! And I proceeded to send totally inappropriately titled posts to people in my facebook account, causing others to get the same virus on their computers. Ugh. Sickening feeing. Thankfully, my husband is in the know with computers (being a computer teacher). He was able to fix things, get rid of the virus and did not even once get mad at me or make me feel bad! Wow, that is love! Anyways, I am very thankful that I did not ruin our computer, lose important data, etc...

Good kids
I feel like the most blessed mom. My kids are really good...I mean, they aren't perfect. But they are about as near perfect as kids could be! LOL And what really blows me away time and again is when I go to the school and the kid's classmates or teachers know me as "____'s mom" and then have this look on their face like I am really to be respected/liked/looked up to for simply being "____'s mom." I talked about this with my kids last night and mentioned how this is exactly how we should be as Christians, as God's children. When people see us our desire should be they would want to get to know our Heavenly Father and that they say, "I'd like to get to know their Daddy. He must be pretty nice because _______ is nice. "etc.

Great parents
My parents are such a blessing. I'm thankful for their love and care. I'm thankful for their example. I am GREATLY blessed to have such amazing parents.

Wonderful grandparents for our kids
Both my parents and Jon's parents are a great blessing in our lives. It is a joy to see them invest in our kids' lives. To see how our kids look up to them, look forward to time spent with them, feel loved and cherished by them....wow! My heart is singing!

13 years of marriage
We celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary this week. I am very thankful for my husband and our marriage. I posted more here and here.

Great piano recital
I had my final piano recital on Saturday. All my students did fabulous! And we ended the year with an ice cream sundae party. I'm very proud of my students. I even had one student play a song he had composed. That was a first! The song was really good too:-)

Students for next year already set!
I'm very thankful that I don't have to worry about finding more piano students. I already have a full roster of students for next year. Woohoo! (And they are fabulous students to boot:-)

Lunch supervision has improved GREATLY over the past month or so
Something seems to have changed within me since spring break. I had a breaking point around spring break and thought for sure I was going to quit my elementary lunch supervision job. But God used words spoken by my husband to remind me to stick with things and push past the learning hurdles. And I have to admit the past month or two has been much improved. I feel I finally have authority in the classrooms and playground. This doesn't mean the kids all listen to me. But it is more something internal for myself. I feel like I don't have to worry about "earning" this authority any more. I feel that when I have a bad day, it's just a bad day! It's not sending my whole self-esteem with this job plummetting. So, this is a good thing. And I've really been enjoying the relationships with the kids. It is actually a pretty special privileged job to have...with its' share of challenges;-)

A close friend's spiritual growth very evident as she reached out and was a witness
This has to be the icing on the cake after many years of planting seeds, discipling this friend and growing together spirtually. It was such a joy to see her, at our last ladies bible study, reach out and begin to invest in another lady's life, speaking God's words of truth to her. Wow! It blew me away how much she has grown and blossomed! Praise God!!!!!

Friends on board with TW
I'm very excited about a few friends from church joining the Thin Within summer study started by Heidi. It feels great knowing there are others who are "on the same page." And I'm looking forward to the "new thing" that the Lord is going to do in all our hearts. I'm ready to PLUNGE DEEPER!

God's lavish love and acceptance
He loves me! He accepts me! I am His child! Thank you Lord! I long to more fully understand and embrace God's lavish love. And I long to extend His lavish love to others more and more each day. I posted a bit more about this here. And taking it one step further, I REALLY long to love HIM more and more each day.

Good to get out jogging
Though I don't much like exercising...it DOES still feel good to get outdoors jogging again. I love the fresh air, the outdoors scents, the sound of the birds and the frogs, the sight of the sun rising... It is such a blessing to be outside and moving and praying and praising God.

Fun family times at the park
Last week we went to a provincial park nearby and went biking, the kids did a bit of swimming (in very cool temperatures!) and had a wiener roast supper. Always lots of fun to be together:-)

Fantastic book
I just finished reading an absolutely fantastic book called "I Dared to Call Him Father" This book was easy to read (I could hardly put the book down), and was very inspiring.

Amazing ministry opportunity with muslim lady
Following the reading of the above book, I had an incredible visit with a muslim friend. I felt God nudging me to pray with her and she granted me the opportunity. As I finished praying for her she wiped tears from her eyes. It was clear that the Holy Spirit was moving.

Great to be God's instrument with others
I am so humbled and thankful that God deems me worthy of being His instrument. He wants to use me for His purposes. Wow! Blows me away!

Good health
Self-explanatory. I'm thankful that we're all pretty much healthy and well. This is always a blessing that gets easily taken forgranted.

Finances working out
We felt God urging us to return to Mexico this summer...but knew the finances would be a bit tight. But the Lord provides. Some backpay settlements that Jon was awaiting are coming in prior to summer. Praise God.
Summer is around the corner!
It feels so good to have the weather warming up. Almost able to walk outside without a sweater or jacket! Woohoo! And with summer being around the corner comes holidays, more family time, our trip to Mexico! It's just around the bend...

TW Summer Study - day 1

2009-06-03T16:03:00.000-07:00
Day One ~ Free to Enjoy God's Lavish Love

LAVISH love. Gotta love that description! And so many amazing verses! Some of my favorites:
The Lord your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with lovingkindness.
I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt...
you will take up your tambourines
and go out to dance with the joyful.
Jeremiah 31:3-4

Aren't those beautiful verses of God's LAVISH love?! A few statements that popped out for me on the first page of the chapter were
"lover of your soul...His unfathomable love for you...this love is not based on your performance...God is crazy about you...God loves you exactly the way you are."

Wow! Those ones hit me strongly this time round! Thanks Lord for your love.

Next, on page 4, the other statement that stuck out for me was:
"Thin Within is not a diet plan. It is a way of life.... It is a process that requires time and commitment. However, it is also full of enriching self-discovery." TW pg4

I have been pondering this a lot more lately. I realize that it doesn't matter what plan you choose to follow (to lose weight) you have to be able to stick with the plan FOR THE REST OF YOU LIFE. And this is what I LOVE about TW! It is certainly a plan I can stick with for the rest of my life! Eat when I am hungry. Stop when I am satisfied. Ask for God's guidance in the whole process. Find satisfaction for the soul. Abide with the Lord. Learn to make gratitude the very fabric of my life. This is the kind of plan that I WANT to stick with for the rest of my life!!!

I filled out the questionaire on "My Current Relationship with Food" (pg6). It highlighted for me how I so easily fall into the rut of almost ignoring the food and shovelling it in without savouring and forgetting to have a thankful heart. It's not like this always. But I certainly find it harder to slow down, savor...and find the rhythm needed to connect with the family over dinner, connect with the Lord as I eat and also connect with my body's signals. Whew, that's quite a list!

Here is a run down of the keys to conscious eating that are presented on pg 8-10. In the past two months I was posting them one by one as a weekly challenge. I already went a bit more in-depth with each of the following posts if anyone cares to read my thoughts on each individual key.

#1. Eat only when my body is hungry
#2. Reduce the number of distractions in order to eat in a calm environment.
#3. Eat when sitting down.
#4. Eat when my body and mind are relaxed.
#5. Eat and drink the food and beverages my body enjoys.
#6. Pay attention to my food while eating.
#7. Eat slowly and savor each bite.
#8. Stop before my body is "full"

What sticks with me from this lesson is GOD'S LAVISH LOVE and LIVE (and eat) IN PRESENT-TIME.

Anniversary Pictures

2009-06-02T18:34:00.000-07:00
We enjoyed a lovely anniversary date yesterday, going to The Olive Garden for dinner and shared the italian feast platter. Mmmm......delicious....and FAR too much food on one platter for even two people I thought! Then we went to a nearby park and had some fun taking pictures. :-) So, here is a glimpse of us just yesterday at 13 years marriage! We still love each other :-) And I got to wear my "dream" dress out for the date. Okay, I know it isn't that fancy, but it was the kind I have been wanting for a few years now! It was the one I picked up at Salvation Army a month or so ago! Also, aren't those amazingly gorgeous roses my husband bought me?! I haven't had flowers like that since....I don't know when!

TW Summer Study - Ready to Plunge Deeper!

2009-06-02T07:47:00.000-07:00
I am so thankful for Heidi and her leadership with this new study of "Thin Within". I appreciate her authenticity, transparency and willingness to be vulnerable. She is always such an encouragement and an inspiration.

So I got started on my reading of the book today. I haven't read it for many many months so it feels good to dig back in. I put my walking shoes on and here's where I'm treking....

About the Authors
What stood out for me, as I read this section, was the love and grace of God that is presented to the reader. God has been speaking to my heart on this very topic over the past few months, so this section was a fresh reminder for me. I really appreciated this statement:

His desire is to meet you and overwhelm you with His love poured forth, equipping you to live a life that is pleasing to Him. TW xii
Introduction
The first thing that stood out for me was definitely

"Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare." Isaiah 55:2
Wow, talk about soul satisfaction! And then the statement on that same page "plunge deeper." I love that image! I'm ready to plunge deeper, to find true soul satisfaction in the Lord!

Another thing that stood out to me was the emphasis on there being no self-condemnation in relation to observation and correction. I am feeling challenged to be REALLY honest with myself as of today, with my hunger #'s, with my body's signals. There is no point to hitting myself over the head with the club of condemnation when I stepped outside the 0-5 boundaries. There is no point to fudging the numbers. In doing so I only miss out on a learning opportunity that the Lord has for me. So I committ to being honest with myself and the Lord.

I still feel I have some chains that bind me, so the prayer on page xv echoed my heart's cry, "Open my eyes and release me from the chains that bind me."

Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools.
They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.
Psalm 84:5-7
"As we pass through valleys, deserts, and forests, our God will be our strength and our guide." TW pg xx

Valleys

Deserts

Forests

I know that even over the past year I have experienced each of these places time and time again...but God has been my strength and my guide. And I look forward to continuing the journey, walking in step with His Spirit.

So......my walking shoes are on. I'm ready to plunge deeper!

Happy Anniversary!

2009-06-01T06:54:00.000-07:00
Today is Jon and my 13th wedding anniversary. It is amazing how time flies!

I remember the first time I really took note of him way back in 1994. I was out for a walk and saw this young man (whom I had met at the college & career group at church) walking down the street in bare feet with a cordless phone in hand... (I guess he was testing the phone and the distance he could go with it!) I didn't know that he was living just a street over from me so that was the first time it registered with me that he was nearby.

He says he knew I was the girl he wanted to marry when he saw me smile. Aw. What a sweetie. And he proceeded to make the moves pretty fast:-) I was only 18 years old and he was 22 years old, on the lookout for a bride:-)

Before I knew it he was sweeping me off my feet by asking me out on a "date" at 10:30pm one night out to McDonalds for free fries (a perk we got with our university ID card at that time)! What romance!:-) It was a unique first date:-) We certainly had lots of fun.

He told me he loved me within 2 weeks of "dating":-) He was REALLY on the lookout for a bride! Also within the first two weeks of dating he wanted me to learn to cut his hair! LOL I can't believe he actually trusted me with that job! His other longtime female friends had been cutting his hair for the past number of years so they showed me how to cut his hair one evening...and I've done it ever since! That, combined with the McDonald's free fries date, certainly showed me how thrifty he was...a quality I appreciated and still do:-) We work well together in that regard:-)

We enjoyed many walks together, put many puzzles together (there's something so calm and relaxing about doing a puzzle together and just chatting), and spent much time at the university together as we were both in the faculty of education at the time. And we fell in love and really became the best of friends very quickly.

Within 11 months of dating, he popped the question in a very unusual way...

One afternoon he came by with a stuffed teddy bear for me. He didn't usually bear gifts and I was thinking a proposal was coming so I was immediately suspicious. Then he proceeded to tell me that the teddy bear was "defective" (it was supposed to do something when battery powered)! Huh! That's just a strange thing to say! Why on earth would you buy a "defective" bear I wondered!

As soon as he left that day, I immediately went straight to that bear and started to investigate! I went searching for the battery compartment. What I found, with my younger brother right by my side, confirmed my suspicions!! The battery compartment had a piece of masking tape across it and said, "Don't throw out"! Huh!!!!! Something certainly was suspicious!

Of course I proceeded to open it and found a beautiful diamond ring inside! My brother was right beside me the whole time, curious what was going on.....but no Jon right by my side!!!! My mom proceeded to take a picture of me with the ring.

Then I called Jon's place (he lived about 20 minutes away at this point) but he wasn't yet home and I told his roommate "I think Jon just proposed to me!" In other words, Jon was engaged without even knowing it!!!!!

Needless to say we got together that evening and he proposed officially on bended knee...and of course I said "yes":-)

JUNE 1'st 1996

We have shared many happy years together since that time. He is truly my soul mate and my best friend. I thank God for His hand of protection and blessing in our lives. With our young and impulsive natures we could easily have met and married the wrong person I'm sure! But God saved us for each other and put us in each other's paths at precisely the right time...and in the same neighbourhood as well! Little did I know how perfect our match was. Though we both are very different from each other, we really compliment each other and connect on the most important and crucial matters. I'm so thankful for Jon.

The three most beautiful and precious people in my life, thirteen years later.... God certainly is the Giver of good and perfect gifts!

We have lots of fun together, laugh, share, cry, talk, dream...and just love each other. He is an amazing father and husband and most importantly man after God's own heart.

So, on this day, we celebrate 13 years of marriage!

Friends On Board

2009-05-31T14:56:00.001-07:00
I'm excited because a couple friends from church are interested in joining me for the journey through Thin Within this time round! Woohoo! I haven't had any in-person TW journey companions as of yet, so this is a big encouragement for me! Praise God!

In response to "What Do *YOU* Want?"

2009-05-28T18:15:00.000-07:00
As I prepare to once again dive into the "Thin Within" book and join Heidi and many others on the journey, here are some questions that Heidi presented today:

What DO you want? What ARE you willing to do to get it? How willing are you to experience a process that looks very different from what you expect...? Even if it is ugly? :-)
What do I want?
What I want this time round from a physical standpoint...is to relax into the rhythm of my body's natural God-given cues and signals. I just want to go with the flow and for this way of approaching my health to become second nature.

I also plan on staying away from the scale (with the exception of possibly the doctor's office mid June). I hope to keep the focus away from the number on the scale and more on this becoming my way of life, through all the ups and downs. I don't want my success or failure measured by a number on a scale. I want to move more and more (as I already have been for the past year) toward stepping back and simply observing and correcting, and lining the walls of my mind with truth which I pray spurs me on to action.

My approach has been quite impacted by "The Lord's Table" study. So, in combination with TW and TLT (and throw in a little `Freedom from Emotional Eating`and `Breaking Free`) I would say my main goals and objectives, which I hope to have cemented further as I study TW this time round are:

#1. Soul Satisfaction
I want the Lord to be my satisfaction, to fill all the empty places of my heart and life, to draw close to Him, to be intimate with Him, to abide with Him, to be changed by Him, to be transformed more and more into His image.

#2. Transformed by the renewing of my mind.
I desire for truth to line the walls of my mind. I desire to take my thoughts captive and make obedient to Christ.

#3. 0-5 Eating
I hope for conscious eating to become more ingrained in me as I study TW once again. I desire for it to flow naturally and become second nature. And I intend on these boundaries being my primary measure of `success`or being `on track`rather then the man-made scale.

#4. Physical Exercise
I also desire to keep my body moving. No big expectations. But simply a few times a week getting some intentional movement in....20 minutes 3-4x a week is usually my aim.

What am I willing to do to get it?
I know God has already been working in my heart and life in this area for the past few months. I put away the scale at the end of April and feel that I finally have moved to a new phase of my journey where the scale can be retired. Praise God! I've been yo-yoing back and forth with this one for nearly a year!

I am committed to reading the TW book in sync with the blogger community "group."

I am firmly committed to accountability (specifically in regards to those four points up above). I will be accountable primarily to a smaller group forum that I'm part of where I post a daily check in. This blog will also serve (as it has in the past) as a form of accountability for me.

How willing are you to experience a process that looks very different from what you expect...? Even if it is ugly? :-)
I'm definitely willing and ready! Lord, change me! Please!

Specifically...HOW? Well I guess I mainly feel I will just hang on and abide with the Lord! I know there will be plenty of ups and downs with this journey but I intend to continue hanging on for the ride! I believe "perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:4) And I continue to hold tightly to the God's rainbow promises to me:

"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil. 1:6

Ultimately I think what may be the most important question may be WHAT DOES GOD WANT? And I believe the answer is that He wants my heart, all of my heart. I posted Beth Moore`s hairbrush story awhile back and was just re-reading it today and here is a quote that stuck out to me:
Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting,'Wow! What a ride! Thank You, Lord!'
What an image! And what an adventure this journey continues to be! So many ups and downs and in-betweens. My one desire is for there to be more of Him in my life and less of me. May He increase and I decrease. Amen.