Hope

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:28-31

The first thing that hit me was the statement in verse 29 "he increases the power of the weak."

This leads me to the verse in Romans 12...

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. Romans 12:9-10

I feel weak. I am well aware of my failing and shortcomings. But He pours out His grace into my life. He is glorified through my weaknesses. He empowers me when I am weak. For when I am weak, then I am strong...

Back to reflecting on Isaiah 40:28-31, the key is to "hope" in the Lord.

I was reading the final lesson of the Beth Moore Breaking Free study and finished this lesson feeling so encouraged. She unpacked what the word "hope" in the context of Isaiah 40:31 means...

The Hebrew word for hope (KJV "wait upon") is qawah meaning "to bind together (by twisting)...to be gathered together, to be joined; to meet; to lie in wait for someone; to expect...to be confident, trust; to be enduring."

Inserting those synonyms in place of the words "hope in" for verse 31 would look like this...

But those who "bind together, are gathered together, are joined with the" Lord will renew their strength.

But those who "meet with the" Lord will renew their strength.

But those who "lie in wait for the" Lord will renew their strength.

But those who "expect, are confident in, trust in the" Lord will renew their strength.

But those who "endure in the" Lord will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they
will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

What a great reminder of what it means to truly "hope" in the Lord.

So today I chose to join with, meet with, lie in wait of, confidently expect and trust in, endure in the Lord.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." Jeremiah 29:11-14

I will call upon the Lord. I will come and pray to Him. I will aim to seek Him with all my heart.

Heavenly Father,
Thank you for increasing my strength and helping me run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint. Thank you Lord for listening to me, revealing yourself to me, and promising to bring me back from captivity. I choose to hope in you alone. Amen.

Thin Within~Day 9

God uses each and every experience of our lives to shape us. I am reminded of the image of the front and back side of a tapestry. As one friend pointed out recently the underside of the tapestry looks like a mess of threads going in directions that seem to make no sense at all! There are many colors of threads....and it just doesn't seem to make sense why there would be BLACK thread visible... Yet each and every color, woven in this precise fashion, is needed to make the beautiful front side of this tapestry. Even the black (symbolic of difficulties and trials) is needed to make the tapestry the masterpiece that it is!

Often life just doesn't make sense. Often it takes a long time before we begin to get a glimpse of the bigger picture, of the tapestry of our life that God is weaving. Many people experience deep valleys which seem to make no sense... But God will use all this to shape us, maturing and equipping us.

I appreciate this quote from Joni Eareckson Tada:

God uses suffering to purge sin from our lives, strengthen our committment to Him, force us to depend on grace, bind us together with other believers, produce discernment, foster sensitivity, discipline our minds, spend our time wisely, stretch our hope, cause us to know Christ better, make us long for truth, lead us to repentance of sin, teach us to give thanks in times of sorrow, increase faith, and strengthen character. TW pg 88

And the verse that has been in my thoughts and prayers so often lately, highlighted once again in this chapter....

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

I am so thankful that God has a purpose in all things.

Here are a few of my own life challenges that I highlighted when I first started my blog:

1.) Boarding school for my elementary school years.
It had it ups and downs. I felt fears and resentment at times. The experience nurtured me socially and has been used by God to make me into the person I am today. Having spent so much time with my peers during those growing up years has definitely shaped my approach to socializing in the present.

2.) Moving back to Canada at 12 years old.
I felt bitter and alone. As a result I made new friends, adjusted to Canada at a much earlier age then other MK friends of mine, which is a blessing in disguise! It has also spurred me on to befriend others as I understand what it feels like to be the "new" person!

3.) My daughter had Kawasaki Disease at age 3.
It was a heart wrenching time and I cried out to God more then I ever have in my life as her life hung in the balance. As a result I experienced greater intimacy with God, saw prayers answered and can now empathize better with others in similar situations.

4.) And now I can also add this weight struggle to the list!
Nearly a year has gone by since I first picked up a copy of this TW book. As I posted yesterday, many changes have taken place since last October! I have been overweight for most of my teenage/adult years... Yet it is through this "struggle" that I am growing spiritually...and have "shrunk" physically:-) Praise God for that!

Now onto today...

Christmas drama practice started at 8:30am. I wasn't hungry when I headed out so I just brought along an easy breakfast to eat when I got hungry, which worked well for me. Then the afternoon was tiring as I went shopping... I'm *not* a fan of shopping...especially on a Saturday afternoon! Anyways, I got through it! When I got home I was quite tired, hungry and grouchy...which was disappointing as I have been feeling challenged to not only surrender my eating, but also my emotions. So my family walked on eggshells for most of supper...and I knew I really needed to turn over a new leaf and offer them sincere appologies...so I did. The day has ended on a good note, for which I'm thankful:-)

Here's my exercise and eating log for today...

Exercise: x (I know I need to get moving this week!)
Eating:
0-3 at 8:45am
0-5 at 12:45pm
0-6 at 5:45pm

I was thinking about 0-5 eating today. I was thinking how I have realized my need to surrender each and every moment to the Lord in regards to eating. I continue to consider each and every 0-5 eating experience a huge victory! As I drove home from shopping this afternoon and felt my tummy rumble at about 4:30pm...I immediately started praising God and thanking Him for allowing me to feel this hunger and thanking Him for providing for my needs. I don't take this for granted as I have spent so much of my life NOT following 0-5 eating.

Okay, enough rambling from me tonight! I'm off to bed :-)

Step out of Time

I have been listening to the following Matthew West song a number of times over the past few days and it just keeps resonating with me... I wish you could hear the tune, but the lyrics will have to do unless you buy the "History" album.

"Out of Time" by Matthew West

So, you're hungry for a taste of the other side

Where the grass is thick and green

But your feet are on familiar ground

Frozen and afraid of what you might lack

Oh, if that's all that's holding you back

Come on, step out of time

Fall out of line

Leave a mark they can't erase

Find your heart and lose your mind

Watch the journey unwind

And let it be a new day

Out of time

How's your story gonna read

When they call your name

And it's all there in black and white?

Will you follow or will you lead?

Will you quietly disappear

Or is this whole world gonna know

That you were here?

'Cause it's time to be free

It's time just to live what you believe

What you gonna do with the life you're living?

What you gonna make of the time you're given?

When you're free you have been forgiven

Now come on and step out of time

'Cause once you go you're gone forever

Don't you know it's now or never

But I can feel a change in the weather

Now come on and step out of time

Come on, step out of time

Fall out of line

Leave a mark they can't erase

Find your heart and lose your mind

Watch the journey unwind

And let it be a new day

Out of time

Now I know the purpose of this life is NOT for ME to be noticed! We're not to focus on leaving just ANY kind of mark! The kind of mark we're supposed to be focussed on is directing people's eyes to GOD and eternity. We were, after all, created for God's glory.

Everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my
glory, whom I formed and made. Isaiah 43:7

The glorifying-God kind of mark cannot be erased! The "size" or seeming impact of the mark left behind will vary according to human perspective...but ultimately, if people's eyes are drawn to God, this mark will have eternal impact because God will be glorified and will work it for His purposes in His time.

The reason this song resonates with me so much is that it draws up this image of stepping out of time--both a dancing image and a timeline image. The point is that God is calling us to see so much beyond our limitted vision of the here and now, all the pressures, the treadmill of life, the busyness that seems like we just have to stay caught up in, the trivial pursuits of life and on and on. Satan seeks to put blinders on our eyes, so we don't see the bigger picture, the larger tapestry of our lives that God is weaving. He doesn't want us to see or direct other's eyes to ETERNITY. He wants us to stay stuck on the treadmill, moment by moment focussing on ourselves and the pulls of this world.

Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8

But I know that God desires that each moment is to be focussed on HIM, whether the here-and-now moments or the moments that we will spend in eternity.

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. Colossians 3:1-2

So, what does "stepping out of time" mean for me personally? This term seems to sum up what God is stirring in my heart lately.

Does it mean

...going overseas to minister in an orphanage?

...becoming a foster family?

...adopting a child who is in dire need, giving them a new "life"?

...ministering to immigrants in our own city?

...helping the poor and needy in a more tangible way?

...just being intentional about each and every interaction with each person in my sphere of influence?

What does it mean exactly? What am I supposed to be doing with me life? How am I to SPEND my life, each and every moment of it? Those are the nagging questions on my heart lately.

As I wait for God to answer I continue to seek to be intentional about each and every interaction with those in my sphere of influence as I know this is definitely something God wants me to do...

Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Col. 4:5

But is there some "bigger" plan that God has in mind? I really don't know! It scares (and EXCITES) me to pieces! My life could be turned absolutely upside down if we were to go overseas or take in foster children or give selflessly to immigrant ministry...

WHAT is God calling me to do, to be, to become?

I want to step out of time. I don't want to waste this life. I want to spend my life for eternal impact.

So now, I choose to "fall out of line, to leave a mark that can't be erased, to find my heart and lose my mind, to watch the journey unwind and let it be a new day out of time..."

A bit of this and that...

I know my eating hasn't been on track the past number of days...despite my last post about "today" being the day to get back on track. I still feel that something changed inside me the day I made my last post, even though I am "eating my words" as I have certainly not been reflecting a new start with my eating.

I think what clicked for me last Saturday was that I felt like I was once again "ready" to jump in all the way. I'm "ready" to observe and correct once again. I'm "ready" to seek God and His mercy, grace and power once again. I'm "ready"--well, as ready as you can ever be--to surrender this area to God once again. Now I know that my eating (and hence food log) doesn't reflect much of these changes...but I know the inner change will begin to be reflected with outer change as I once again aim to put God first. It's probably pretty evident why I am feeling the "need" to once again post my food log! It's certainly not to brag about being so "good" and "perfect" with 0-5 eating:-)

Okay, onto what God was impressing on me today. I was reading TW chapter 5 and was very encouraged as I read...

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I definitely feel quite "weak" right now. I know the sin of gluttony has deep roots in my life. Surrendering this area to God is tough! Yet I also know that God's power is proclaimed loud and clear when I surrender to Him and as He works change in this area of my life. That's an exciting thought for me! So I keep pressing on!

I also was encouraged by the mirror, mirror exercise today. I didn't actually follow through with the exercise exactly the way intended... But I did focus on different parts of my body and the ways they have been used by God for different purposes. I am thankful for the body God has given me. I am thankful for energy, stamina, & great health that I've been blessed with thus far. I am thankful for vision and purpose that allows me to use my strengths more effectively for His glory. I'll end with some favorite verse that were quoted at the end of TW chapter 5...

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb; I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16

Shine for Him

"Many of us go through life not quite understanding what we were designed to do. We, too, may feel inadequate, ineffective, and beat-up. The good news is that this isn't God's plan for you! You can start today doing that for which you were created. You can choose to shine. When you choose to glorify God, to make Him known, you are doing that for which you were created--'shining'."
TW pg28

"In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:16

I'm excited as I anticipate where God is leading! I want to SHINE for Him! "More" by Matthew West has been one of my favorites for the past couple years. It seems particularly fitting as I reflect on SHINING for Jesus!
"More" by Matthew West

Thin Again - ch 5 Reflections

“In peeling away (the grave clothes), layer by layer, your beliefs, experiences, and self-concepts, you will learn to establish a mastery over eating that will serve you for the rest of your life. As you wrestle with your relationship with food in the present, day after day, you need to remember that God has something particular in mind for you where food, eating, and weight are concerned. God is at work in your daily dependence on food, calling you to listen to your silent hunger and to let him satisfy your deepest longing. God calls us, through the most basic function of our daily life, to look deeply into ourselves, to look beyond a simple change in our size or outer appearance: He wants to transform us from the inside out for eternity." TA pg 100-101

This portion of chapter 5 really stood out to me. I know that God is calling me to learn about surrendering to Him…in ALL areas of my life. He wants me to depend on Him and find complete fulfillment in Him. I also know He has a purpose in all of this! How exciting to be part of that!



As I contemplate how each moment matters, I am struck by how this “most basic function of our daily life” could be likened to the talents that the servants were entrusted with in Matthew 25:14-30. Though this may not be a typical interpretation of talents, I have been thinking how talents (in the context of this story) could also refer beautifully to challenges or hurdles I face in surrendering everything to Christ. He wants me to be faithful with the talents He has given me, no matter what the size (no matter how big the challenge). The servants were entrusted with different amounts of talents, to do the best they could possibly do with them...all for the master's benefit. When the master returned, he rewarded those who were good stewards of the talents by allowing them to share in the "master's happiness." I desire to be like the servants who made the most of what they were entrusted with. I want to do it all for my Master's benefit and glory and be able to share in His happiness.

“I commit faithfully to myself and to God, acknowledging that I am valuable enough in Christ to fill my life with good things—things that please me on all levels and that are pleasing to the Lord. Releasing the beliefs that do not reflect God’s truth, I also release the excess weight.” TA pg101

On the weekend Heidi was mentioning how it would be good to discover non-food treats. What else do I find fulfilling and enjoyable and able to bring as great pleasure (or even more) than a big bowl of ice cream? What else could draw me away from a bag of salty “addictive” chips midway through and really grasp my attention? What else could make me forget about the fresh cinnamon buns on the counter? Definitely something for me to ponder and discover!

I look forward to the day when I can say that chips, ice cream, social outings, camping etc. don’t set me off spiraling into gluttony. I look forward to the day when this surrender with 0-5 eating just flows naturally from me and is not stressed about or worried about, but just naturally lived. I look forward to the day when I find my most treasured moments spent with Jesus. I find great hope in this verse:

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

April 9

April 9th food log:
(Chapter 9)

“God uses each and every tear we have shed and every pain we have experienced to form and mold our character, to strengthen us, and to draw us closer to His heart. He wants us to experience His strength and sufficiency. He uses affliction to cause us to see our need for Him and our struggles with food, eating, and our bodies to send us to Him, to look for HIS solution. In our weakness, He is made strong. He uses even this personal battle you are experiencing and He will redeem it for His glory.” P. 87/88

“Anita, a participant who released twenty pounds, said ‘Through TW I came to see that the trials I had faced and the way I had chosen to deal with them—by running to food—were actually God’s way of calling me into closer fellowship with Him. When my food and eating problem became desperate, I saw my need for a great deliverer. God has taken my trials and hardships, and used them to build my character and transform my life.’” P88