TW Summer Study - day 4

Day Four ~ A Path of My Choosing

Moment by moment, step by step, in the present...choices, choices, choices to be made.

CHOICE: Beat myself up for my failures. Step into the prison of paralyzed fear, condemnation, despair. Listen to the lies of Satan. And stay in this cycle....forever.

or

CHOICE: Allow myself to be loved by God. Allow myself to believe God and what His word says. Listen to the Holy Spirit's nudgings and conviction and teaching. Learn from my mistakes. Allow truth to line the walls of my mind. Change. Be transformed. Be saturated in God's grace and love. Be equiped and empowered to change from within by the renewing of my mind, taking thoughts captive to Christ...and move to victory step by step by step by step.

Observation (dispassionate as Heidi emphasizes) and correction are such important tools to consider and apply on this journey. Here is one I need to apply tonight...

Situation: Tonight, as I was eating supper, I had drank a big glass of water, had some salad and munched on a bit of fruit and was moving to what I was most looking forward to...a slice of homemade pizza...and a very subtle (almost imperceptible) little air bubble burp - ladylike of course:-) - escaped.

Observation: I could sense that I was getting near #5. But in all honesty I DID NOT WANT TO STOP. (I knew that in the past this little air bubble escape meant I should stop. And I would actually stop right then, no more bites. I was done.) But I have no longer been paying attention to this cue and certainly didn't want to listen to this cue as I bit into the slice of pizza...and so I kept going. I know I'm pushing my #5 hunger #'s. I am feeling greedy at suppertime, trying to squeeze as much food in as possible. And my #5's should probably be closer to #6 or #7 a lot of the time.

Correction: Slow down so I can enjoy and savour every bite fully. Be very very aware of my body's cues as I near satisfaction. Next meal STOP before or when I get that air bubble escape. NOT ONE BITE PAST! For the times when I feel satisfied before the air bubble escape, try practising by leaving a couple bites on my plate/bowl, offering them to the Lord (not just for the sake of doing it!) as a sacrifice of worship to Him, reflecting on my surrender to Him, on being mastered by Him alone.

Okay, that was pretty long winded, more than usual for my O&C's... But you know what, I needed to do that tonight! This is a big stepping stone for me....getting past fudging the numbers...

Love, love, love the phrase "On the path of God's provision under the canopy of His grace..." TW pg 39

It is so true. God DOES provide. He equips. He empowers. He transforms. I am so thankful for His word, for sisters in Christ who come alongside for the journey, for the strength He gives for each day, for His love that He pours out and makes known to me each day, for the nudgings of the Holy Spirit, for answers to prayer, for caring about the smallest details of my life... I could go on and on.

I want to stay on the path of His provision under the canopy of His grace.

Here's a favorite verse I choose to cling to.

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8

A Pig, A Cat and a Big Mud Puddle

My goal this week is to be a cat...not a pig!

Okay, that probably doesn't make much sense. So I'll explain. Sunday's sermon really struck a chord with me. One illustration really stuck. The speaker asked, "Have you ever seen a cat go through a mud puddle?" followed by "Have you ever seen a pig go through a mud puddle?"

He proceeded to describe some of the things he'd seen growing up on the farm. He talked about how cats, when facing a mud puddle, would jump from rock, to tuft of grass, to rock etc. to get to the other side of the mud puddle, fully aware of every angle as they crossed. And when they got to the other side they would clean off any mud that was stuck to their fur. (Of course this is probably not always the case! But works for the sake of this illustration.) Here is a youtube clip I found of a cat and a puddle...

Did you notice how the cat was really not that interested in the mud puddle and actually turned away and walked the other direction?

Now on the other hand, the speaker emphasized that pigs never go "through" a mud puddle! They love to just get right in there, roll around, get as mucky as possible. Then some of the mud begins to dry and cake on and they get a bit itchy and then they roll around some more. You get the picture. They really make themselves at home in the mud. Here's another youtube clip that may help illustrate the point.

The point of this illustration is that we need to "walk circumspectly" (Ephesians 5:15 KJV). The speaker mentioned how the word circumspectly comes from two different roots - circumference and inspect. I'm not sure where he got that from as I couldn't find that in my searches. Here is a definition that I found for circumspect:

Aware of all circumstances; considerate of all that is pertinent; cautious, prudent, thoughtful, or wary.

His point was that when we walk circumspectly we are seeing things from all angles (the whole circumference) and we are inspecting the situation.

This got me thinking. Am I going through life like a pig or like a cat?! I know that sounds like a crazy question. But the image of the different approaches resonates with me. Right now I feel like a pig rolling around in the mud puddle of sin (in particular the sin of gluttony and lack of self control), instead of prudently and intentionally inspecting each step I take, aiming to get to the other side as cleanly as possible.

Now I know that ultimately without the Holy Spirit guiding and directing me I will be wallowing in the mud. I'm human and I very well know that I have this tug of war to do what my flesh wants. It says in Galatians 5:16-18, 25:

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

As we are filled with the Spirit (Eph. 5:18), have the mind of Christ (1 Cor. 2:16), led by the Spirit (Gal. 5:18) and keeping in step with the Spirit (Gal. 5:25) we begin to see situations through different eyes...ultimately with a renewed mind (Rom. 12:2). We see that mud puddle of sin and begin to see the way out of temptation (1 Cor. 10:13) and begin to see what God's will is (Rom. s 12:2).

So, my goal this week is to be a cat....not a pig! Application of this means I am going to be aiming to "walk circumspectly," soaking up God's word and truth every chance I get! If I don't know and acknowledge the truth, how can I live the truth? I want to be transformed by the renewing of my mind this week (Rom. 12:2). I want to watch and pray so that I will not fall into temptation (Matt. 26:41). And ultimately I want to SHINE for Jesus and be the aroma of Christ to those around me (2 Cor. 2:15). Ultimately I know that I can't get around or through this mud puddle without Christ! I cling to the following verse:

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 2 Corinthians 4:7

Truth Journaling ~ Sugary Stuff

Here's something I truth journaled just yesterday evening. I think my version of "truth journaling" is blended with the "Thin Within" observation/correction model. Ultimately I'd say both approaches are aimed at taking every thought captive and making them obedient to the Lord and to be transformed by the renewing of the mind.

"...we take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5

"...be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

Situation:
Sugar is like a web, sucking me into its' vice grip day after day. The situation that drove me to journal about it was my overindulgence in sweet treats after eating a good well balance dinner....starting with eating a large slice of oreo cheesecake...which led to eating some slivers of cheesecake as I put it away.....which led to eating some jelly beans....which led to eating some cinnamon toast crunch cereal. What a slippery slope I was on!!!!

#1. I think it's okay to have sugar in moderation each day.
True. But am I able to eat sugar in moderation? Or do I need to cut it loose for a season? Right now it is my master and I am its slave. Fasting from sugar may be an act of submission to the Lord that is needed right now. My body and life need to be a living sacrifice to the Lord. I cannot serve two masters. If I feel I can't live without it, this probably reflects that I need to be challenged to try!

"No one can serve to masters." Matthew 6:24 (though this is in direct reference to money, it still seems very applicable to food)

"Therefore I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship." Romans 2:1

#2. Sugary stuff is the only thing that sounds good to eat at this moment. This is certainly true. But pre-planning healthy options may help. Healthy stuff will likely sound more appealing if it is ready and available. A lot of my eating choices are based on how quick, accessible and visible the food is...particularily sugar.

#3. Sugary stuff is the only thing that hits the spot.
Not quite true. I'm in a rut where my tastebuds are wired to *crave* sugar. Many other things could hit the spot if I gave them a chance! I just need to get out of this cycle. And on top of everything, GOD should ultimately be the only ONE to "hit the spot"....certainly not food.

#4. I'm not past a #5 yet and really want some jelly beans (after the cheesecake...and extra slivers of cheesecake as I put it away).
That kind of attitude sets me on the slippery slope to defeat. Not only will I likely never feel that satisfied feeling that I'm looking for (rarely does it hit me when I'm eating sugar)...but I will likely also go past a #5 and eat till my tummy hurts and then to top it all off, I'll feel guilty because I stepped outside the boundaries I feel called to. Pushing my hunger #'s like this reflects the greed in my heart and the mastery of sugar and lack of submission to the Lord.

#5. That cinnamon toast crunch cereal looks so yummy. I want some. It can count as part of my supper meal, since I just ate an hour ago (after oreo cheesecake, extra slivers and jelly beans).
The cereal looked (and was) yummy. Unfortuantely I'm still continuing on the dangerous slippery slope. It led to MUCH extra eating. Boundaries are important and prudent in this situation. Once I push my chair away from the dinner table I need to learn to be done. No ifs ands or buts! Eating past that point is greedy (for me at this time) and once again food (usually sugar) is master. It is no longer beneficial for me.

"Everything is permissible for me"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"--but I will not be mastered by anything. 1 Corinthians 6:12

So, in response to this truth journaling and the strong awareness I have that I am allowing sugar to take a high place in my own life, I felt led to take simply one day where I abstained from desserts. I sometimes take a stronger stance and aim to not eat dessert for a week, a month etc... But this time it was just for one day.... And the battles I faced today were really quite unbelievable considering I was only aiming FOR ONE DAY!!!! Obviously I'm needing to take these fleshly thoughts and desires captive and make them obedient to Christ.

First, I was gravitating towards a cappacino/flavored coffee drink... But I knew that was a sugary treat and also knew that I need to avoid caffeine.

Secondly, Jon's birthday cheesecake was beckoning me AGAIN at dinner this evening! I left the table, cleaned up the dishes, sat and talked with Jon for awhile, cracked open the bible and read those verses from 1 Cor. 6:12 and then posted to my accountability group as follows....

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7:00pm
Oh, I don't feel like posting this right now....but this may very well be exactly what I need to do to choose to do the right thing. I had planned to avoid dessert for just one day (that is TODAY!)....and oh how that oreo cheesecake is calling my name. I've been toying with whether or not to eat a piece for the past half hour....and still don't know what I'm going to do. I know that all things are permissible but not all things are beneficial to me. All things are permissible but I should be mastered by nothing but God. I'm really struggling to do what I know in my heart is the right thing... I'll touch base with y'all later and let you know what I end up doing....

Lord, help me make the right choice right now. I am really struggling wtih what my flesh is desiring. Yet I know that you alone satisfy. Nothing else should master me. Nothing else should take the highest place in my heart and life. Help me be obedient and submissive to you in all things, particularily right now as I contemplate this dessert. Help me surrender to your will. Make your will very evident to me, I pray. Amen.

7:15pm
Okay, the tempation has passed! The battle is over! I can't believe it!!! Praise God! I just decided to have some watermelon and closed the book on even considering the cheesecake. Woohoo! Thank you Lord!!!!!!

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All I can say is PRAISE GOD for answered prayer! Praise God for renewing my mind.

I'm not sure what tomorrow holds, but I will keep seeking God.

Truth Journaling ~ Weight Gain

I have been working through "Freedom from Emotional Eating" by Barb Raveling. I have come to realize it is time for me to more frequently apply "truth journaling" as described in this book. I can see the parallels with the Thin Within concept of observation and correction. I think I'm going to try regularily posting some of my own truth journaling.

I'll start with a core situation/belief/emotion that I'm dealing with lately.

Situation:
As you will know, if you've been following my blog, is that I've struggled with gaining some of my weight back (8-10lbs to be specific), after releasing 24lbs.


#1. I'm not very attractive unless I'm in my BMI zone.
I'm always beautiful. The Bible says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) It also says that charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Prov. 31:30) Beauty is from the INSIDE.

#2. I'm never going to be able to make headway and experience lasting victory with regards to weight. Lack of belief that I will actually overcome.
God promised me (November 2007) that He is going to bring this good work that He started to COMPLETION. (Phil 1:6) Trust Him! I need to cling to God's word when I doubt I will actually overcome. The following two scriptures need to be clung to...

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Phil 4:13

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us--whatever we
ask--we know that we have whatever we asked of him." 1 John 5:14-15

#3. I feel defeated.
The One who is in me is greater then the one who is in this world. (1 John 4:4) I am a LEARNER not a FAILURE! Each step back is simply a learning moment. Never consider a single defeat a final defeat (can't remember who that quote is from, but it sticks with me). I can't...but God you can.

#4. I feel humiliated.
Others are experiencing the same things as I am. I don't need to worry about how others view me. Keep my eyes fixed on God. Keep abiding with Him, clinging to Him.

#5. My self esteem feels low.
I really just need to dwell on Zeph. 3:17 as described in my previous post to remember how God views me. To be dwelling on self is a distraction that comes from the devil. My eyes need to be fixed on JESUS! When my value comes from Him, there is no room for these kinds of thoughts. He loves me. And He lives in me! What greater value can I have then to know that God, the GREATEST Treasure, lives in me, and that His power gets to be on display in my life!

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 2 Corinthians 4:7

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I'm kind of new at this truth journaling, so this may not flow quite as smoothly as it will with time and practice. I can really see the value of doing this on a regular basis.

Okay, that's it for my blog bog today!!!!

The Value of Observations & Corrections

I was just glancing over my food & exercise log from the past year...and I noticed I made A LOT of observations (and noted corrections)... (I clearly NEEDED to given that I went off course so often with 0-5 eating!!!) It was really interesting to quickly glance over this log. I'm glad I documented that portion of my journey. It was a good reminder to myself that I need to ensure I continue to do this on a regular basis, really zoning in on observations/corrections and being transformed by the renewing of my mind by feasting at the Lord's table.

I can see that my whole approach towards eating is so different then it used to be. I am much more intentional and really see the value in planning ahead for challenges I may face with staying in the pleasant God-given 0-5 boundaries (though I far too often fail to pre-plan...notice I said "see the value"...which means I need to apply it more often!).

I also am much more aware of God's continued extension of grace, no matter how many times I "mess up." And I'm also aware that He wants to equip me and fill me up as I turn to Him to satisfy me and supply my needs.

Does this mean I stick 100% with 0-5 eating? Absolutely not! I struggle so much with staying on course, as my accountability buddies well know! But I'm keeping on keeping on! I'm not giving up!

My friend Lundie wrote something so profound to me yesterday which I think is worth passing on to you. In regards to me noting my own attitude of "I've already messed up. So why try to stop? I may as well get what I want now.".... here is the brilliant image Lundie wrote...

I am going to try to think of it in terms as a course correction instead. When I'm driving, and I cross a little too far into the other lane, do I think, "Well! I'm in the wrong lane, I might as well go all the way and drive on the other side of the road!!!". LOL! Nope, I just turn the wheel back and let my car drift back into the right lane.

As I type this out, it gives me a lot of hope that the changes I have experienced this past year will "stick." I have had my share of fears that I will slide back to where I was prior to digging into the TW book over a year ago... But I know God has done a new thing in my heart and my life. Praise God!!!! I continue pressing on, observing and correcting, confessing and repenting to the Lord, seeking to surrender to Him fully! For He has given me hope and future and He continues renewing my strength, being my Hope, helping me run and not grow weary, helping me walk and not grow faint.

Thank you Abba Father, Daddy. I run to You. I long for my soul to always CLING to You. I pray Your right hand would uphold me even in the midst of temptation. Amen.

Following in Daddy's Footsteps

"So I say, live by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature... Since you live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit." Galatians 5:16 & 25

What does "living by the Spirit" and keeping in "step with the Spirit" look like? That's the big question I've been pondering. And an image is beginning to emerge.

Me, God's little girl, following Him through each step and moment of life.

So, where do these steps lead, I wonder?

I think they lead to dying to self. "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." Mark 8:34

Oohh. That sounds scary, doesn't it?! Certainly sounds painful.

What comfort can I take in this path?

That Christ lives in me (Gal. 2:20). That God is greater than he that is in this world (1 Jn 4:4). That He is doing a good work in me and bringing it to completion (Phil 1:6). That these light and momentary troubles are preparing me for a glory that far outweighs them all (2 Cor. 4:17). That Daddy, Abba Father, CARES for me and LOVES me and heaps all the GRACE imaginable on me. He protects me, is my fortress, my refuge, my comfort, my sustainer, my peace, my joy, my strength... And the list could go on and on!

Down to the practicality of following in Daddy's footsteps. What does that look like in everyday life?

SURRENDER is the answer that came to mind. As I go about my daily life I choose to abide with Christ and be surrendered to Him and to the Holy Spirit's leading.

Do I eat when I'm not hungry? Do I eat past full? Or am I eating in moderation, not making an idol out of food (Col 3:5) and being content with my portion (Psalm 16:5-6)? Am I opening wide my mouth so that He can fill it, filling up on God Himself and His words(Psalm 81:10)?

REFLECTION: I have been more consistent with hunger/fullness this past week, praise God. But I still have seen the seeds of greed creep up (I must confess tonight was probably the toughest one over the past five days). And my weight has certainly NOT been reflecting a surrendered heart in this area. However I have been HUNGRY HUNGRY HUNGRY for God's word and for memorizing scripture (this is very new to me and quite shocking actually...definitely a God-thing!).

Do I say those juicy words of gossip? Do I speak those cutting words that would feel so good in the moment but be so destructive in the long run? Do I speak mindlessly and thoughtlessly? Or is my conversation full of grace and seasoned with salt? (Col. 4:6) Am I saying words that are helpful for building others up? (Eph. 4:29)

REFLECTION: I have been very conscious of the times that I have slipped up in this area this week. I have had to run to the Lord for forgiveness quite a few times unfortunately. I've been very conscious of my speech with my kids and husband, being much more vigilant and alert to the enemy's attacks and temptations. As a result I've noticed I, through God's grace and power, have been able to be more patient and loving with my kids. I know this greatly benefits them in the long run.

Do I spend the extra money on myself and turn a blind eye to the poor and needy? Or do I sacrifice just a small bit of our luxury and indulgences to help someone in much more dire need then me (Isaiah 58:7, 10)?

REFLECTION: I don't feel good about my spending lately. I'm so behind on my budgetting updates. And I don't feel good about how much I contribute to those in need. On the flip side, we booked our tickets to Mexico for summer and will once again go, as a family, to help out at the orphanage and in their community. This gets me pretty excited! My heart's desire is that we can help those in need more and more and more and more and more...and focus on our own comforts and stuff less and less and less and less!!!

Do I spend my free time in front of the TV or computer and ignore filling up on Him and His word? Or am I filling up my mind and heart with His word, feasting on God Himself (Psalm 63)?

REFLECTION: This week has gone better in that department then a lot of other weeks. I've stayed away from the computer for the most part. Just spent a few minutes each day checking email and reading a couple blog posts. And I really didn't even watch TV. It was good to spend more time with the Lord as a result. He was my Satisfaction this week.

Choices... So many choices.

And thoughts... So many thoughts.

Each moment, of each day, I have thoughts which lead me to either continue following in Daddy's footsteps OR tempt me to take the fork in the road and gratify the desires of my sinful flesh.

Each thought must be taken captive and made obedient to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). Every thought must line up with God's truth. I need to filter each thought, asking if this is "right" in God's eyes. The Holy Spirit will empower me not to gratify those desires as I allow Him to "filter" those thoughts.

As I surrender to His leading and prompting I continue following in Daddy's footsteps. What a beautiful picture for me to dwell on. I do SO trust my Daddy Abba Father and want to please Him. But oh how hard that can be! I'll close with one of my latest favorite verses, which has greatly encouraged me...

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8

Thank you Lord for not leaving me to just wave about on my own, trying to fill your big footsteps! Thank you for equipping me! Thank you for your Holy Spirit leading the way! And thank you for lovingly walking alongside me through this entire journey of life leading to eternity spent with You! What amazing grace and love! Amen.

Reflections (Jan. 26)

I think I'm going to put my food & exercise blog on hold once again for awhile...at least for a time.

However one thing I thought I'd like to track here at "Rainbow Promises" in regards to my eating are observations/corrections noted, verses that speak to specific circumstances, struggles, victory steps, answered prayers, intentionally pre-planning for trials etc. These posts will be called "Reflections."

I have to say things feel quite out of whack and out of routine with regards to my eating lately. I know these times come and go and I just have to roll with it:-)

Here's a quick recap of the weekend...

Friday (as previously posted on my food/exercise blog):

A step in the right direction...

I was REALLY craving a hot chocolate or coffee drink mid afternoon, though I wasn't hungry... But I walked away while my water was heating up, prayed and kept asking myself if I was setting myself up for victory at this moment... And praise God, I made it through the test, and chose an herbal tea instead! Thanks Lord for showing me the way out! Amen.

O&C: At supper I thought I'd hit a comfortable #5....but then we went swimming right after supper and I have to admit my stomach was feeling a little heavy! I guess that was a signal that I need to slow down to make sure my body signals when I'm done, when hunger has been satisfied.

A step in the right direction...

I had been feeling a craving for ice cream after the pizza supper and mentioned it to my husband. But then I decided to just opt for some jolly rancher candies instead for dessert. Jon asked, on our way back from swimming, if I still had my craving (because he would go get ice cream any chance he got!)...and in all honesty I didn't feel ANY craving for ice cream or any food for that matter right now. That is huge for me! Usually, after something like this outing, I feel like something soothing. So, praise God for that!!!

Sunday (as posted on my food/exercise blog):

Observation: I went a little overboard once again with dessert at lunch. It pushed me over that comfy #5 unfortunately as I munched on more of it after my parents left our place after lunch.

Correction:

#1 Once again I need to re-evaluate how i handle desserts when I have company. I always desire to sit back and relax and fully enjoy the dessert once company leaves... I think the best way to not add a link in a chain towards a fall would be to REALLY eat a small amount and savour savour savour when company is present. Then take a moderate amount after company leaves and FULLY SAVOUR and apply all the conscious eating tips. If I followed that plan of action I'd feel like it was a victory. This would be as Jesus said to do in the face of temptation...WATCHING.

#2 Also, did I prepare for victory by praying and praising? I don't feel I was very intentional in this area. I was certainly enjoying the company of my parents. I was certainly hungry for lunch. And I certainly ate wholesome, whole body pleasers. But I wasn't quite prepared for temptation, ready to break any links of the chain that would lead to a fall. I DID let Satan have a foothold unfortunately, by not setting myself up for victory by intentionally by throwing myself at the Lord's feet in regards to my eating today. This would be doing as Jesus said to do in the face of temptation...PRAYING.

Later in the evening I experienced a step in the right direction...

I wasn't hungry, so instead of really digging into the food and going all out...I had a small amount. Not only that, but Jon brought down a small bowl of ice cream for me (the last of the carton which was bought on Saturday by the way)...and I actually said "no" which is truly a miracle in itself! That's a God thing! This was a victory step for me. Thanks, Lord!

And that brings me to...

Monday (today):

I'm struggling with waiting for hunger tonight. I had a big lunch and probably a bit too much sweets. I've resolved I'm going to go and spend some time in the Bible after posting this and find satisfaction there.

Lord, I choose to sit at your feet now and experience YOU and the way YOU want to meet the desires of my heart. Thank you, Lord! Amen.

The Lord's Table~final review

Well, I have reached the conclussion of TLT workbook study. What an awesome study! (As noted before: I did not follow the eating schedule, but rather simply ate 0-5 within hunger/fullness boundaries.)

In regards to weight release...I started TLT back on November 23rd 2008 at 153 lbs....and I have ended TLT today, on January 21st and am 153 lbs, within my BMI range (on my scale at least:-)! I'm okay with that! I'm obviously in a bit of a maintenance mode phase right now and that is a good thing. That is a whole new lesson in and of itself for me!

I can hardly begin to express all that I have learned! As I look back it is such an incredible journey I've been on:-)

Here are the TOP TEN thing I've learned...

1.) My motivation for losing weight needs to be for the glory of God alone.

2.) As I open wide my mouth, that I'm actually opening my ears and listening to His Word. As I pray and read the bible and listen to the Lord He fills me up! Him fillings me up truly meets the desires of my heart! Jesus and His words are the Living Water. I want to drink of the pure, refreshing source rather then a mucky mud puddle!

3.) Broken, helpless and contrite before the Lord is a good place to be, because I will depend on God so much more, and He will lift me up out of the muck and the mire and set my feet on solid ground! I can in no way claim glory for myself when I am depending on Him!

4.) Over the past two months, I have been "putting on" reading God's word, spending time with Him, praising Him, getting back to the basics of 0-5 eating. I'm still working on the "putting off" area!

5.) I've been reminded of the importance of the concept of confession and repentance and have come to truly appreciate the Thin Within concept of observation and correction. I want to do much much more of that!

6.) Just as the Israelites were ready for flight when they were leaving Egypt...so do I! I need to remember to fill up on God's word and spend time in prayer and praise prior to battle! And for me there are countless battles...some so small and some large! Battles all the same! I need to remember prayer and praise precede victory!

7.) I was reminded of the value of being intentional and pre-planning for trials. I must watch and pray as Jesus commanded. There are many links in the chain that leads to sin. Another way of putting it is there are many rungs to the ladder...I must not let Satan get even one foothold! I need to watch out for those steps, those links in the chain and break them as I drag every known sin into the Light!

8.) This study also reminded me how I must make my body a slave to Christ--my thoughts, my eating, my exercise, my words, my actions....

9.) Another key truth that has been hitting me over these months as I did this study are lining up my thoughts with God's word. Combatting a known beilef/lie/trigger with what God says. Then present it to God so the thoughts are in submission to God and His word. I must meditate on His word, fill up on good and excellent things and do His will.

10.) It is so important to stick close to Jesus, sitting at His feet and abiding in Him, fixing my eyes on Him alone. When I focus on Jesus I am sitting at His feet, abiding in Him, listening to him, humbly receiving His words, not pridefully harboring sin, but rather humble. When I fix my eyes on Jesus I'm focussing on seeking first His kingdom not on sin and my selfish wants and desires and fleshly lusts. When I fix my eyes on Jesus lies are automatically lined up with the His truth! He forgives. He loves. He frees. He teaches. He equips. He gives us His promises. He makes me into a new creation.

In conclussion the changes that have taken place in my heart and life are that I'm hungry for God's Word---REALLY hungry! That is a huge answer to prayer and I pray this continues! I can see how important it is to sit at Jesus' feet and fix my eyes on Him and fill up on Him and His Word. What a joy this has been! All praise and glory to God for the good work He has been doing in my life...

Looking in the Mirror

I wasn't going to post today as I really need to get to cleaning my house! However cleaning can wait a few minutes and I just can't resist getting my thoughts processed here! Today's reading in TLT reminded me of something that has been resonating with me lately...

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does. James 1:22-25

Mike Cleveland gave such a great illustration of this as a lesson to his kids...

The other day I thought I would teach this truth to my children. I had been working out in the yard and had gotten quite dirty. As I was washing my hands in the sink I looked in the mirror and my face was very dirty. I decided to leave the dirt on and go sit down to the table to eat dinner (I informed my wife what I was doing so she wouldn't think I had lost my mind along with the garden gloves). As I sat down one of my sons said, "Dad, your face is real dirty." I said, "No it isn't, it's just fine, I just looked in the mirror, I'm great!" The children started laughing and said, "Dad, REALLY, you're FILTHY." I started laughing too, and said, "I left the dirt on there for a reason, to teach you that it does no good for us to look in the mirror, see the dirt, and do nothing about it. Just as it does no good for us merely to read or hear God's Word, which exposes areas that need to be cleaned, without obeying it." TLT workbook pg 161

I've sure been hungry and thirsty for God's word lately. What a blessing it has been to my soul, nourishing me and feeding me for the day. When I posted about being transparent the the other day, these verses in James came to my mind...but then I'd already typed up the post so I didn't bother going back and adding them... But they stuck with me.

[*Editted] *As I look to God's Word of truth* and am honest with God, myself and others I am looking into the mirror and seeing the areas that I need God's help in transforming. I don't want to simply be convicted of the areas needing change... I want to do God's will and obey Him.

I appreciated a line from my TW reading this morning, "If you find you are flesh-controlled, stop and ask God to fill all your empty places with Himself." (TW pg 136)

I am reminded that when I look into the mirror, it's not about ME fixing everything up, cleaning off the gunk and becoming new....

It's about me surrendering to God and GOD HIMSELF cleansing me, filling me, empowering and equipping me to do good works (2 Timothy 3:17), for His grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in weakness so therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me (2 Corinthians 12:9)! For I have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from me (2 Corinthians 4:7).

So as I proceed with the day my goal, as I read scripture and pray, is to "look in the mirror" and deal with the reflection I see.

As God reveals sin I accept His amazing grace. Not only will I "observe" (confess) as TW encourages...but I will also "correct" (repent and turn away from my sin). I desire to be filled with the Spirit, empowering me and equipping me into action to surrender, obey and do the will of my Father, crucifying the sinful nature and it's passions and walking in step with the Spirit (Galatians 5:24-25) as a new Creation (2 Corinthians 5:17).

So, what have I seen in the mirror lately?

I have seen that I need to sit at Jesus' feet and be still in His presence. I get sidetracked from this most important step. I must be still before the Lord.

I see that I have often not been loving, kind, gentle and selfless with my husband. It's time to display the fruits of the spirit and shower my husband with love!

I see that I am often impatient with my kids and don't give them the time and attention they need to flourish. I don't want to exasperate my children. Rather I want to love them and encourage them and help them be all that God wants them to be.

I see that I often say things without thinking... But I want to build others up in their faith, in all I say and do.

I see that I often give in to my fleshly lusts to eat outside the good and pleasant boundaries that God has convicted me to follow (0-5). I don't want to be mastered by anything but Christ!

Okay, I've got quite a list here! That's a lot of stuff I can see in the mirror!

Time for ACTION! What hope I have as Christ LIVES IN ME!

Learning Past Lessons

Over the past few days I have felt nudged to apply some of the past lessons learned.

1. "Thin Within" Keys to Conscious Eating.

The keys to conscious eating are a wonderful tool. I want to apply them more consistently once again. I am thankful for the provisions of the Lord. He certainly is a giver of good gifts (James 1:17; Matthew 7:11)

Here is a recap of the keys to conscious eating:

Keys to Conscious Eating
1. Eat when my body is hungry ("0").
2. Eat in a calm environment by reducing distractions.
3. Eat when sitting.
4. Eat when my body and mind are relaxed.
5. Eat and drink the things my body enjoys.
6. Pay attention to my food while eating.
7. Eat slowly, savoring each bite.
8. Stop before my body is full ("5").

I think each and every one of those points need some work.

2. Observe and Correct

The tool of observation and correction is particularily heavy on my mind and heart. I have moved far away from this intentional approach towards eating. Here's a quote I appreciated in my TW readings today...

Enjoy the privilege today of applying God's grace in the present moment. You don't need to wallow in any meausre of self-contempt. Observe what hasn't worked, agree with God, correct your behavior in the strength He gives you. Then move on down the path of God's provision as you experience the abundant life. TW pg 43

Too often I eat outside the 0-5 boundaries and don't even take the time to reflect on what went wrong and what I could do differently next time. Actually as I type this it reminds me that this is true in many areas of my life, not just eating.

I don't focus on confession enough.

I just think "I blew it" and often wallow in feelings of failure. Yet each of these "failures" in my life are teaching moments. I need to seek God, allow His light to shine on secret places of my heart (Psalm 90:8), confessing sin and accept His grace, forgiveness and empowering. Some of my favorite quotes that I have highlighted in the past are:

I am a learner not a failure.

Never consider a single defeat a final defeat. F. Scott Fitzgerald

I'm not a failure, but a work in progress. Sheila (TW pg95)

God is doing a good work in me and will bring it to completion in Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6) I am being transformed into His likeness (2 Corinthians 3:18).

3. Pre-plan for trials

I also feel convicted of the need to pre-plan for trials, to be more intentional with each and every choice I make (not just with eating, but also in every other area of my life). I have strayed far from this once again.

I am reminded to be self-controlled and alert for the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8).

Oftentimes I approach eating without much forethought...and then I fall into some sticky situations where I struggle to make the right choices. By doing some pre-planning I know that I can set myself up for better choices. I am more likely to see the way out of temptation that God has provided if I have a more "intentional" mindset (1 Corinthians 10:13).

4. Feast at the Lord's table

Most importantly I am continuing to feast at the Lord's table. He prepares a table before me (Psalm 23:5). I NEED to fill up on Him, get fat on Jesus:-)

5. Gratitude

I long for my attitude to be saturated with praise and thankfulness and gratitude to the Lord in each and every circumstance (1 Thessalonians 5:18). I am using my counting my blessings blog to record things I'm thankful for. And the awesome thing about gratitude is that as I focus on gratitude the focus begins to shift away from self and onto God and onto others! It's not all about me ;-)


So, there you have it, these are some goals I'm re-committing to. Sadly I have learned and applied each and every one of these points months ago but then many of them got put in the corner and ignored for the most part. Time to wake up and enjoy the abundant life that God has prepared for those those who follow Him!

Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:14

The Lord's Table~Day 24, 25, 26

Day 24~Vigilance

"Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Matthew 26:41

Watch and pray. Watch and pray. Watch and pray.

How many times do I need to say that to get that through my head????!!!

The following question is asked: What are some specific areas of temptation that you need to be watchful and pray about?

That question sure sounds a lot like the Thin Within term "fat or flesh machinery" (what causes me to turn to food when I'm not hungry).

My usual (!) answers: tiredness, social occasions, evening munchies, taste testing etc...

Here's a great verse to add to the "watch and pray" advisory that Jesus gives...

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. 1 Peter 5:8-9

The magnetic pull of food is a reflection of the power of Satan's lies and what lines the walls of my mind. Yet how encouraging it is to know that he CANNOT make me do anything. As the Beth Moore "Breaking Free" study highlights...

"Satan does not have the power or authority to lock believers in a prison of oppression. He works overtime to talk us into staying because he lacks the power to keep us there. Satan can presume no authority over Christians. He only has authority by invitation. He woos us into prison cells, but he cannot make us enter nor force us to stay. Unfortunately, Satan doesn't require a written invitation. Failure to post a "keep away" sign through Bible study and prayer can be invitation by default. Do not misunderstand me to say that Satan can inhabit the mind of a believer. Most definitely he cannot. The Word suggests, however, that he can strongly encourage ideas, doubts and thoughts into our minds.... Why does Satan have to use lies? Because he is a totally defeated foe... Lies are all Satan has. That's why he has to be so adept at using them." Breaking Free workbook by Beth Moore pg 192, 193

I'm sensing a theme here! Be vigilant (watch and pray) about what lines the walls of my mind. This is my "keep away" sign!

Application:
Some things that I can do to "drag every known sin, and temptation into the light" and be vigilant are...

• truth journalling, noting what is lining the walls of my mind and applying the truth of Scripture to each and every thought and taking it captive for Christ
  

• continued bible reading/prayer (especially early morning)~be saturated
  

• memorization (I still haven't applied this, but really want to)

• pre-plan for trials

• focus on conscious eating

Can you tell I'm a list-maker??? I'm the person who actually makes a rough copy and GOOD copy of my shopping lists!!!! I know I'm crazy! It's just the way I function best:-)


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Day 25~The Greatness of God

This lesson focuses on, of course, the greatness of God:-)

"Those who do not see the greatness of God become great in their own eyes." TLT workbook pg 81

I LOVE Isaiah 40. It is a wonderful description of God. Here are a few things I higlighted about Who God is as I read through this chapter...

• Shepherd (cares, leads, tends, nurtures)

• Creator

• All-knowing

• All-wise

• Big

• Great

• Nothing/No one can compare

• King (enthroned above all)

• Above all in authority

• No equal

• He lifts us up

• He gives us strength and hope

I am left wondering if I have a false view of God when I am being gluttonous. Two lies that came to mind were:
God doesn't care about just this one time.
Calling out to God in the midst of temptation doesn't work. He doesn't answer.

Both of those are lies which I will tackle in my next post.


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Day 26~Break the Chain

What an awesome lesson this was. It's amazing how God ties a whole bunch of teaching together to speak to me.

Day 14 of Thin Within is entitled "Choosing to Build on Truth." It emphasizes how beliefs lead to action which lead to results. Are my beliefs grounded in the Truth of God's Word?

Sounds a bit like what God has been unpacking for me in the Breaking Free study, doesn't it?! The walls of our minds are never bare. So, what lines the walls of my mind? Satan's lies or God's truth? I must examine what lines the walls of my mind (recognize the captor), stand in agreement with God, tear down the lies, put of the truth of God's Word, and thought must bow to the Truth.

And this sounds quite similar to what I've read about the concept of "truth journalling." I know Heidi has mentioned it a number of times in her blog. What I gather is that I am to write out my thoughts/feelings, discern whether it is a lie or a truth and then apply the truth of Scripture to each statement.

Today's TLT lesson is right in line with all these teachings.

You and I have had a problem with overeating. And if we examine times of failure we will always find a chain of events that lead up to the "crash." TLT workbook pg 83

Here's a destructive chain that was described in Genesis 13:8-13 and the points that Mike Cleveland notes...

1. Separate from fellowship
2. See something sinful and focus on it
3. Set out toward it
4. Pitch our tent near it and live in it
5. Taken captive by it

I am learning to notice when links in an accident chain are developing and to break at least one link to prevent an overeating accident. TLT workbook pg 84

I can relate this to the TW chapter 14 exercise...
Break the chain under the canopy of God's grace by lining up my beliefs with the truth of God's Word which leads to actions (obedience) which leads to results (holy living).

Relating this same teaching from TLT to the Breaking Free emphasis on asking the question of what lines the walls of our minds...
Break the chain by tearing down lies and replacing them with the truth of God's Word.

I can also relate this same teaching to the the concept of "truth journalling" by Barb Raveling.
Beliefs lead to feelings which lead to actions.
My understanding is the premise is to line up beliefs with truth.


Hmmm.... Do you sense a theme here??? God is definitely speaking pretty loud and clear it seems:-)

Onto my "assignment" from God! Tearing down the lies of Satan (breaking a link in the chain) and replace with the Truth of God's Word! This may take some time. I got a bit of a head start today (and will post that tomorrow!) but I can see it's going to be a lot of work! But I trust it will be well worth the effort!

Lord, please help me as I search Your Word for truth. Please guide me to Scripture that speaks to each and every one of Satan's lies that I have allowed to line the walls of my mind. Give me discernment and understanding. Help me see how GREAT You are! I pray that I would begin to have the mind of Christ and experience the freedom that You desire for each of Your children. In Jesus name, amen.

What lines the walls of my mind?

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Cor. 10:5

This verse is the central portion of scripture that is unpacked in week 9 of the Breaking Free study by Beth Moore. What an INCREDIBLE week of lessons this has been! I hardly know where to begin. But for now, I'll just unpack a few things that God has been unveiling to me in the past couple days.

"Give this next statement your full attention the walls of your mind will never stay bare. Never. Let's face it. Our minds work even when we sleep. Once we tear down lies, we have to re-wallpaper with truth or the enemy will happily supply a new roll of wallpaper. Different pattern maybe--a more updated look--but the same deceptive manufacturer." Breaking Free workbook by Beth Moore pg 195

The walls of my mind never stay bare.

That has been resonating in my mind.

"The question becomes, then, how do we re-wallpaper our minds with truth? First, be understanding the goal. What does God want to accomplish in our minds? We possess the mind of Christ (1 Cor. 2:16), but we still have the full capacity to think with the mind of the flesh. We are MENTALLY BILINGUAL you might say. My older daughter is almost fluent in Spanish, but she still thinks mostly in English because she practices it more. The same concept is true of you and me. We will think with the mental language we practice most." Breaking Free workbook by Beth Moore pg 195

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. Romans 7:21-23

"We will not be free until we adopt the mind of Christ." Breaking Free workbook by Beth Moore pg 195

So, one question that has kept on turning over in my mind over and over again is "Which mental language am I practicing most?"

The truth began to become evident as I began to examine what lines the walls of my mind... I gotta tell you it felt like a HUGE surprise to me, when I got down to the nitty gritty, how many lies and deceptions of the devil I have allowed to line the walls of my mind. I feel led to share what I began to uncover... Welcome to the hidden corners, the secret places, of my mind...

When I'm willfully rebellious I am thinking...

1. I (SELF) am the most important. My desires are the most important. I want what I want when I want it...and I get what I want.
2. I've tried calling out to God in the midst of temptation before and it hasn't worked, so why bother?
3. It will make me feel so much better (to eat that ice cream etc)--more energy, more enjoyment etc.
4. Just get it done and over with. I can't resist. Why bother?
5. God doesn't care about this one time, does He? He'd forgive me anyways, right?
6. I sin. God forgives. I can count on that!

When I'm in auto pilot mode with overeating or am tempted to eat outside 0-5 I am thinking...

1. Quick, quick! Do it quickly before you have time to think or second guess. Don't even think about praying right now. Just eat it quick!
   
2. It tastes so good. More WILL satisfy me more.
3. I'm at the counter munching. This doesn't really "count."
4. I'm just "extending" my lunch/supper meal a little longer. What's the harm in that?

When I'm tired and am tempted to eat I'm thinking...

1. I need a quick pick-me-up.
2. I don't want to battle anything right now. I'm too tired. Just give me food.
   
3. Food will give me energy and give me the pick-me-up I need. Nothing else can fill that spot like food.
4. I'll deal with the guilt tomorrow. New start tomorrow.

When I'm tempted to overeat in social situations I'm thinking...

1. I don't want to insult the hostess by not eating anything (or not cleaning my plate).
2. Eat, eat, eat all the good food. This is your chance!
3. Others are eating more then me, so I am entitled to eat more.

When I'm tempted to taste test something despite not being hungry I'm thinking...

1. I gotta know how it tastes!
2. Everybody does it once in awhile!
3. Just a small bite which of course leads to...
4. Okay, since I started this cookie, I may as well eat the whole cookie. I've already fallen (slipped), why fight the urge?
5. How can I give this away if I don't know how it tastes?
6. It always tastes best when it is fresh. I don't want to miss out on that!

When sugary treats tempt me I'm thinking...

1. More of it will definitely satsify me more!
2. I can't go without something sweet in the day.
3. I NEED dessert after supper...and LOTS of it since I was "good" all day!
4. I can't resist. It feels magnetic.
5. I don't want to give this up to God. This is my special treat.
6. I want to eat this in moderation but I'm still not quite satisfied so I will eat more...
   

Out of whack shedules often get me feeling tempted and thinking...

1. Eat now. I don't want to be out (away from food) and hungry.
2. At my in-laws--this is THE mealtime. It's time to eat. Don't make a scene.
3. Hunger is somthing that MUST be fed immediately! So to be caught off guard with hunger is scary. Must meet the need IMMEDIATELY! NEED food NOW!

When I'm tempted to do some "tourist nibbling" I'm thinking...

1. Gotta eat as much of it as possible NOW because I won't get this opportunity again (or for quite awhile).
2. Taste buds are alive! My stomach feels full. Ignore the signals.
3. It's Christmas. This kind of food/baking only comes once a year!

I am in utter amazement at all the thoughts that line the walls of my mind in regards to eating. If I was to apply this exercise to other sins boy those walls are cluttered! Unbelievable! It is time to tear down the lies of Satan with the truth of God's Word. I don't want to be so mentally BILINGUAL! I truly desire to be thinking in only ONE language...with the MIND OF CHRIST. It's time to "starve the flesh and feed the spirit" (BF pg199).

Lord, help me line the walls of my mind with Your truth and may my thoughts be taken captive by You and bow down to You. I pray that You would begin to transform the walls of my mind and make me more like You each and every moment of each and every day. Please help me be victorious Lord. In Jesus name, amen.

I've been processing some of this already with truth statements and scriptures... I still have more work to do, more processing to do. I'll follow this post up later with what God reveals to me.

The Lord's Table~Day 18,19,20,21

Day 18~Setting Captives Free I

Slaves are not free people, but rather they have a master and must do his bidding. I remember how a food image would lodge in my brain, and I could try to pray it away, ignore it, or read the Bible, but it kept after me until I would eventually give in and obey the demands to indulge. Then I would feel bad and ask for God's forgiveness, but soon after I would be indulging again over a different food thought, over and over. This is slavery to sin. Have you had this type of "slavery" experience? TLT workbook pg 57

YES! YES! YES! I can completely relate to this description.

This lesson highlights the following verses...

To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." They answered him, "We are Abraham's descendants and have never been slaves of anyone. How can you say that we shall be set free?" Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." John 8:31-36

It is the TRUTH, Jesus Christ, Who sets us free!

So this lesson asks the question: What are some lies you have believed in your overeating?

Lies...

• If I don't eat it now it will continue tempting me.

• Eating MORE of something will somehow be MORE satisfying.

• I'm tired and eating will bring enjoyment and relaxation.

Truth...

• Eating it NOW does temporarily remove the temptation... But too often another temptation is lying in wait! It doesn't solve the dilemma!
• Eating MORE of something definitely is NOT more satisfying. Rather it brings me a sore belly and feelings of shame and condemnation.
• Eating when I'm tired DOES bring me a degree of enjoyment and relaxation. But ultimately it also brings with it the baggage of guilt and condemnation as I know it is not the best choice at this time. God has many more provisions that I can enjoy and be refreshed by in those moments. Food is not the wisest choice.
  

I really appreciated this scripture as well...

Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." Jeremiah 29:12-14

I need to keep calling on God, seeking Him, praying to Him WITH ALL MY HEART. He WILL answer. He WILL reveal truth. He WILL restore me.


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Day 19~Setting Captives Free II--From Prison to Praise

Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.
He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom
and broke away their chains.
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for men,
for he breaks down gates of bronze
and cuts through bars of iron. Psalm 107:13-16

The above passage shows that God responds to His people crying out to Him by:

• humbling their hearts
  

• saving them

• bringing them out of darkness
  

• breaking their chains

• breaking down gates of bronze and cutting bars of iron

I'm so weak. I get so mad at myself. It seems I start the day with such resolve (and prayer may I add) but then somehow this resolve just keeps weakening as the day goes by, especially the instant I'm hungry, the instant sugar is in front of me, the instant a thought/lust for eating enters my mind.

I keep calling and calling out to the Lord. I know lessons are being learned through this. It is not for nothing. I'm enslaved to my sinful lusts. I'm still trying to be the lord of my life in this area. I'm still doing things MY way. I'm in a prison right now. I need God to set me free. I need a true humble, contrite, repentant heart. I need to take each thought captive for Christ.

He WILL humble and save me. He WILL bring me out of this darkness. He WILL break the bands apart. He WILL shatter the gates of bronze and cut the bars of iron. I trust God CAN and WILL do this.


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Day 20~Setting Captives Free III

"Now you shall eat in this manner: with your loins girded, your sandals on your feet, and your staff in your hand; and you shall eat it in haste--it is the LORD'S Passover." Exodus 12:11

This verse highlights how the Israelites were to be ready for flight, ready to escape slavery. They were to be ready to move AWAY from Egypt.

So how do I "eat my way out of slavery?" Answer: Feed on the Word of God! The way that you and I today, "eat the Lamb," is to take Scripture and chew on it, and apply it to our lives... Freedom follows fullness... We can't "try" our hardest not to overeat and be successful; we will always fail. But we can "eat" our way out of slavery. TLT workbook pg65

But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers. Psalm 1:2-3

What an awesome verse! I need to be hooked up to the true water source. Then I will yield fruit and prosper. This is all about walking with God moment by moment, capturing each and every thought for Christ, and saying "Get away satan, for it is written..."

God impressed the following thoughts on my heart this day...

Why do I leave this time, first thing in the morning, as the main time I feed on His word...yet I physically eat a breakfast, lunch and a supper and sometimes even a snack in between. I feel challenged to have a spiritual breakfast, lunch and supper, filling up on His word throughout the day to keep me going. Maybe my spiritual supper should be one of my biggest meals, just as it is physically for me. For the evening is the time I feel most tempted.

I've been trying to follow through with this the past two days and it has been wonderfully satisfying to fill up on God's word more frequently.

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Day 21~Focus

This lesson is all about fixing my eyes on Jesus. If I focus on the pull of the sin then I'm pulled under. I need focus on Christ. He will help me rise above.

Application for me would be...

• capturing each thought for Christ (surrendering each and every thought to Him)

• spiritual breakfast, lunch and supper

• constant prayer, spending time with God moment by moment

Over the past few days I have felt a little dragged down as I studied the TLT materials. It emphasizes the seriousness of sin and the need for repentance. TW, in contrast, emphasizes the grace of God in the face of our failures and sins and the need to observe and correct rather then beat ourselves up with the club of condemnation. I find TW is quite motivating in its approach. Yet I also know I have needed this TLT material to highlight the ugliness of my sin and to highlight my need for further surrender and turning to the Lord. So I continue to pray for a truly repentant heart. And I need to remember to focus on the TW tool of observation and correction as this has really helped me in the past. I've been completely bypassing that tool lately!

The Lord's Table~Day 13

Okay, I'm going to try and make this as quick as possible since I'm really in dire need of a nap already (at 9:30am....it was a very restless night)! But I want to share what God has been doing in my heart in the past day.

Day 13~New Direction

First of all, today's lesson continues on the theme of true repentance and zones in on godly sorrow. Godly sorrow showed itself in the lives of the Corinthians (2 cor. 7:8-13) in earnestness, indignation, fear, longing, zeal and avenging of wrong. Worldly sorrow just brings loss, suffering and death. Godly sorrow brings about repentance.

I loved this verse,

And it will be said: "Build up, build up, prepare the road! Remove the obstacles out of the way of my people." For this is what the high and lofty One says—he who lives forever, whose name is holy: "I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite." Isaiah 57:14-15

God dwells with and revives the lowly in spirit and contrite. Oh how I long to be truly contrite and completely humbled and surrendered and waiting on the Lord to meet all my needs.

Friend, the teaching of both yesterday and today define what true repentance is. It is turning completely away from sin, doing an about face, and then pursuing God with a reckless abandon. And it is also sorrowing over sin to such an extend that the heart begins to hate the sin and turn from it. This is repentance, and if either of these elements are missing the freedom from sin will not be lasting. If one merely feels sorrow over the sin but does not turn from it then he is not free. Or if one merely turns from the sin but does not develop a heart-sorrow over it he is not free either. Both must be present in the life. TLT workbook pg 43

I'm struggling with both these elements of repentance... But I think the root of it is the heart-sorrow is lacking. I believe overeating is a sin. But I'm still struggling with whether eating outside 0-5 on occasion is actually sin... This is probably the root of my problem. I need godly sorrow and repentance in this area. This is what I'm praying for.

I could relate to a quote from course member Nancy:

Saying I am sorry with a mouth full of food just is not repentance. TLT workbook pg44

So I've been praying for true repentance and godly sorrow. I want God to open my eyes to see the yuckiness of sin.

As I was heading out on errands last night a song began playing on the radio and it truly touched my heart and brought me to tears. I realize the song is touching on the sin of marital unfaithfulness in particular, but I really believe it can apply to ANY sin. Here's the video of the song...

"Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns



As I listened to this song and thought about the example I am to my kids, my heart was truly sorrowful. I don't want my kids to have the same baggage I'm carrying. I don't want them to struggle with this sin of gluttony. They watch. They learn. They see the greed quite often I'm sure. And I can see the seed of greed growing in their hearts as well. This saddens me to the point of tears. Just as I feel sorrow at the thought of my kids in bondage to this sin, I am sure God feels all the more sorrowful as He sees me in bondage when He keeps extending His grace and mercy and strength and fulfillment to me.

I realize I'm not just harming myself by sinning and my relationship with God by sinning....but I'm also harming my children. I've realized this before, but it hit me afresh last night. And it was just the reminder I needed. This sin doesn't just pop up overnight. It is a "slow fade."

The Lord's Table~Day 10, 11, 12

The Lord has certainly been impressing on me a need for a 180 degree turn back to Him, one of TRUE REPENTANCE. I think up until now I have only done a 90 degree turn. I haven't completely turned from the sin of greed and gluttony. I don't yet hate the sin. My prayer is that this turn would be made complete and that God would grant me the gift of repentance.



Day 10~More Living Water

This lesson highlighted that I need to switch water sources. God offers us Living Water, Christ Himself, who springs up and is truly satisfying. Too often I turn to a water source that is like a broken cistern and a dirty yucky sewer water source.

Here are a couple quotes from today's lesson that stood out to me:

Turning to overeating is like trying to get water from a jar with holes in it. TLT workbook pg 32

Course member Pam writes: "I can't just cut back on food but must
actively find my satisfaction in Christ." TLT pg 34

I can see that I have cut back on food but haven't actively found my satisfaction in Christ when the going gets tough! I haven't yet filled up the empty places with Him. I haven't actively looked to Him when I have felt tempted...and therefore have failed time and time again in the midst of temptations.


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Day 11~Turning

Repentance has often been described as doing a 180 degree turn, meaning we turn away from sin and turn to God... True repentance is not only turning from sin, it is turning to God and loving and serving
Him. TLT workbook pg35

Some verses that stuck out...

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:7-10

Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
Isaiah 55:6-7

With gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of truth. 2 Timothy 2: 25, 26

Based on Isaiah 55 there are lots of ways I can actively find satisfaction in Christ and do that 180 degree turn: I am to seek the Lord, call upon Him, forsake sin and return to God. I do not feel I have forsaken sin. I still have my hand in the cookie jar....literally....okay, maybe the jelly bean container and chocolate tins in our house! I am praying that God would grant me the gift of repentance.


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Day 12~Repentance Brings Refreshment

"Even now," declares the LORD,
"return to me with all your heart,
with fasting and weeping and mourning."
Rend your heart and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity.
Who knows? He may turn and have pity
and leave behind a blessing—
grain offerings and drink offerings
for the LORD your God.
Joel 2:12-14

I desire to have genuine repentance. I want to fast and weep and mourn and have my heart pierced with the sin of my rebellion and greed.

Overeating is when we gratify the cravings of the flesh rather than crucify them. This is sin. However, we are not at all saying that it is
sin to eat when hungry. What we are talking about here, gluttony, is the habit of overeating and indulging our flesh, not the necessary requirement of daily nourishing our bodies when we feel hungry. TLT workbook pg 39

I desire to crucify the cravings of the flesh, rather then having them master me.

I make exceptions for eating all the time. Even yesterday I felt a sense of conviction that God was calling me to loosen the grip of sugar in my life, calling me to fast from it....and I didn't follow through. How sad. This reflects to me that I have not fully turned and forsaken sin and seen the yuckiness of my sin.

God has been hitting me left right and center with this whole repentance and living water teaching as I'm getting it from this week's lessons in TLT along with the Breaking Free studies along with personal conviction and scripture that God brings to mind. Interesting how God works isn't it!

Our insatiable need or craving for too much of anything is symptomatic of unmet needs or what we called "empty places. Salvation does not equal satisfaction. (You can be saved and still be dissatisfied.) Satisfaction comes when every empty place is filled with the fullness of Christ. While salvation comes to us as a gift of God, we find satisfaction in Him as we deliberately surrender all parts of our lives. Breaking Free workbook by Beth Moore pg 168

As I read this I wondered WHAT ARE MY EMPTY PLACES? I don't even know the answer to this. I'm asking God to reveal this to me. Why on earth am I drawn to sugar the way I am? Why do I ever eat past satisfaction? It just doesn't seem to make sense! I just keep going and going even when I hear the Spirit convicting me otherwise.

Here's another great quote from today's Breaking Free lesson...

The fullness of God is not a one-time occurrence like our salvation.
Every day of our lives--to live victoriously--we must learn to pour out our hearts to God, confess sin daily so nothing will hinder Him, acknowledge every hollow place, and invite Him to fill us fully! Then we need to continue to fan the flame of His love by reading Scripture, listening to edifying music, and praying often. Breaking Free workbook by Beth Moore pg 171

Dear Lord, I pray that you would convict me of the seriousness and yuckiness of sin, in particular gluttony. I pray that you would grant me the gift of repentance. I truly don't want anything to hinder You from working in and through me. I pray that you would reveal to me every hollow, empty place in my heart and life. I pray that I would do that 180 degree turn and actually fill up on Living Water. I pray that you would guide me in this journey and may Your Holy spirit transform me each and every day to be more and more like You. In Jesus name, amen.

Thin Within~Day 16

First of all, pertaining to the chapter, I'll recap some of the answers I've previously typed up for the significant times exercise in this chapter (sorry for repeating myself to those who've already read these answers before!)...


Significant Time #1 – Major relocation
Where were you?
Moved back to Canada (parents were missionaries overseas)
Who was with you?
My family
How did you feel?
Lonely, lost, bitter
Was there a shift in your weight as a result of this incident?
Yes. I gained 45lbs from grade 7 (the year I moved) to grade 9.
What decisions did you make as a result of this incident?
Food changes, eating habits changed. I no longer was under the rules of dorm life and had the freedom to snack when I wanted on what I wanted etc.
Did your self-esteem increase or decrease?
Decreased a little, but then that is probably normal in the teen years! But I still had a fairly healthy self-esteem.
How did this incident affect your view of God?
Drew me closer to God.


Significant Time #2 - Marriage
Where were you?
Current city
Who was with you?
Jon, my husband
How did you feel?
Happy, loved, really enjoying being a homemaker, loved experimenting with cooking and baking.
Was there a shift in your weight as a result of this incident?
Yes. I gained 25lbs in the first year of marriage.
What decisions did you make as a result of this incident?
With baking, baking, baking came lots of eating!!! I no longer had ANY rules to live by as I could buy/eat whenever/whatever I wanted. I also was eating in sync with my husband's BIG appetite! I could easily eat as much as him, unfortunately.
Did your self-esteem increase or decrease?
Neither.
How did this incident affect your view of God?
Didn’t affect.


Significant Time #3 – Pregnancy #2
Where were you?
Here in our current home.
Who was with you?
family
How did you feel?
A bit out of control with eating, uncomfortable, had morning sickness, loved being able to eat, eat, eat for two!
Was there a shift in your weight as a result of this incident?
Yes. I gained nearly 50lbs in my second pregnancy and not only was left with a stubborn extra 10lbs postpartum, but also began to struggle with yet more weight gain in the years that followed.
What decisions did you make as a result of this incident?
I felt like the pregnancy was licence to eat as much as I wanted. Morning sickness also made me always question whether I was hungry. My greed for food came back full force.
Did your self-esteem increase or decrease?
Neither.
How did this incident affect your view of God?
Didn’t affect.


The following quote was in today's chapter... I really needed to read this today.

As we have seen in previous days, no failure, mistake, or sin is beyond God's ability to redeem. It is in this place that you can see just how much you need Him and just how capable He is to meet all your needs. TW pg164

That being said, I have to confess that yesterday I *DID NOT* follow God's leading of being surrendered and obedient to the boundaries He had convicted me to errect. I gave my day to the Lord and started out walking in surrender and was well aware that Satan would be out to destroy and steal, that he would be the "thief." I knew he would be prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. I knew all this and yet was not self-controlled and alert. I did not resist the devil.

My eating went smoothly up until after dinner. I had a moderate amount of sweets while our friends were at our place. But then after they left I was craving some relaxing time with some sweets (and popcorn) in hand. And that is when things got completely out of control as I binged on candy bars. I find it really hard to use the word *binge*....but that is truly what it was.

As I step back and observe (and certainly confess to the Lord) I can see that the slippery slope started when I took those extra treats after our friends left. Once again it is one of my usual triggers--I usually want to sit back, relax and enjoy some sweets after all the work of hosting company. I've pinpointed this before. I need to pre-plan for these "trials," and watch and pray, looking for the Lord's provisions rather then giving into my flesh machinery.

So, I move forward. I look to the Lord to pick me up out of the slimy pit...

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. Psalm 40:2

Here's my eating log for today:

0-4 at 1:15pm (hungry at 12noon)
0-5 at 5:30pm (hungry 3:00pm but waited until I got to my parent's place for dinner)