Truth Journaling ~ Weight Gain

I have been working through "Freedom from Emotional Eating" by Barb Raveling. I have come to realize it is time for me to more frequently apply "truth journaling" as described in this book. I can see the parallels with the Thin Within concept of observation and correction. I think I'm going to try regularily posting some of my own truth journaling.

I'll start with a core situation/belief/emotion that I'm dealing with lately.

Situation:
As you will know, if you've been following my blog, is that I've struggled with gaining some of my weight back (8-10lbs to be specific), after releasing 24lbs.


#1. I'm not very attractive unless I'm in my BMI zone.
I'm always beautiful. The Bible says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) It also says that charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Prov. 31:30) Beauty is from the INSIDE.

#2. I'm never going to be able to make headway and experience lasting victory with regards to weight. Lack of belief that I will actually overcome.
God promised me (November 2007) that He is going to bring this good work that He started to COMPLETION. (Phil 1:6) Trust Him! I need to cling to God's word when I doubt I will actually overcome. The following two scriptures need to be clung to...

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Phil 4:13

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us--whatever we
ask--we know that we have whatever we asked of him." 1 John 5:14-15

#3. I feel defeated.
The One who is in me is greater then the one who is in this world. (1 John 4:4) I am a LEARNER not a FAILURE! Each step back is simply a learning moment. Never consider a single defeat a final defeat (can't remember who that quote is from, but it sticks with me). I can't...but God you can.

#4. I feel humiliated.
Others are experiencing the same things as I am. I don't need to worry about how others view me. Keep my eyes fixed on God. Keep abiding with Him, clinging to Him.

#5. My self esteem feels low.
I really just need to dwell on Zeph. 3:17 as described in my previous post to remember how God views me. To be dwelling on self is a distraction that comes from the devil. My eyes need to be fixed on JESUS! When my value comes from Him, there is no room for these kinds of thoughts. He loves me. And He lives in me! What greater value can I have then to know that God, the GREATEST Treasure, lives in me, and that His power gets to be on display in my life!

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 2 Corinthians 4:7

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I'm kind of new at this truth journaling, so this may not flow quite as smoothly as it will with time and practice. I can really see the value of doing this on a regular basis.

Okay, that's it for my blog bog today!!!!

I feel like eating to stuff my emotions...

AAHHH! Right now I just feel like eating to stuff my frustrated emotions after a tough lunch supervision. I have called out to the Lord for help. And I had came up with writing here as a possible escape/exit from this temptation.

I have such up and down days with this job. I feel so incompetant some days as my authority seems to mean nothing to some kids. I have trouble knowing how to deal with my *own* kids sometimes...let alone ones with lots of baggage and family issues and rebellious attitudes!

Anyways, that's where things are at. I'm frustrated. I feel incompetant. I feel disrespected. I feel clueless. I feel ill equipped for this job. Raw emotions.

And I lift it all up to the Lord.

Thin Again - ch 6 reflections & ques.

(For those who already read this post earlier, I changed it around noon today (saturday)! sorry! I was re-reading and wanted to convey my thoughts a bit more clearly:-) I put a * beside the sections that I changed....)

Chapter 6
Dependence Not Addiction

Here's a brief summary of how addiction is defined in this chapter:
"To give assent… We give ourselves over to relationships, objects, or substances in our attempt to satisfy our desparate need for security, significance, and love... Addiction results from a misplaced human attempt to satisfy our legitimate, God-given need for intimacy... " TA pg 105

The link between addiction and idolatry:
"The objects of our addictions become our false gods. These are what we attend to, where we give our time and energy, instead of love. Addiction, then, displaces and supplants God’s love as the source and object of our deepest true desire. Spiritually, addiction (becomes) a deep-seated form of idolatry." TA 106

This chapter really drove home to me some areas that I need to work on. First of all I had to refresh my memory of what "grave clothes" are defined as and which ones I had pinpointed earlier. Here's what I wrote earlier:
I think grave clothes could refer to anything in my life that prevents me from being spiritually “healthy” and alive, living in right relationship and obedience to Christ…which eventually spills over into other areas of my life (physical, relational, emotional etc.) and prevents me from glorifying God and shining for Him as effectively. In a nutshell the way I would envision ‘grave clothes’ in my life is any area of my life that is not surrendered to Christ.

Identify your grave clothes:
The grave clothes I pinpointed previously were: disordered eating, emotions and poor time management. I still am in agreement with that assessment.

Why you are wearing them? What changes do you expect when they are removed?
*Disordered eating:
In the past, in particular, I have tended to ignore my hunger/fullness. I have tended to gravitate towards what I WANT NOW! I have been mastered by my enjoyment of foods and sweets. I have had little willpower or self-discipline. I have cried out to God for help but have not followed through and grabbed hold of the help He has offered. And I just continued gaining weight. I'd sometimes lose some weight, then yo-yo right back to where I started plus some. I wait expectantly for the day when I am fully surrendered to God with my eating, when the root of greed and gluttony is gone, when I find my truest satisfaction and joy in being obedient and surrendered to God.

Emotions:
I think I wear them to control people (mostly my family). I wear them also to let out what I feel inside. As I become more self-controlled with my emotions I would expect to see better marriage and family relationships. I would expect to find more satisfaction pouring out my needs to God rather then taking it out on the family.

Poor time management:
The computer is the main thing that side-tracks me from using my time wisely. I think it tends to become a bit of a lifeline to the outside world as I don't work outside the home. It is just very accessible. If I found balance in this area I would expect to have a more vibrant relationship with God and people and more orderly house.

Have I DEPENDED on God? Do I actually rely on God for strength?
*One of the most memorable times of depending on God was when my oldest daughter was 3 years old and in ICU battling kawasaki disease, her heart not functioning properly, majorly dehydrated and battling a high fever. I so clearly remember her lifeless body and the fears and anxieties that I was faced with....and also the tremendous source of strength I found in relying on God through this time. I would run to God's word every chance I got and cry out in prayer constantly as I stayed almost round the clock in the ICU ward for that week. It was a time of tremendous growth for me and a great reminder of what truly depending on God is like. (and praise God for her full recovery!)

I have been depending on God for strength and help throughout this whole TW journey. Each day I call out a prayer of surrender and ask for His help and strength. I know He has provided me with all I need to succeed, fully equipping me.

Sadly though, I think I fail in this area all the time. It’s one thing to pray and ask God for help…it’s another thing to actually surrender and ALLOW Him to help me and show me the way out, to direct my paths and FOLLOW Him! It is my desire to grow in this area.

So where do I go from here?
*Eating:
This is finally changing. I am seeing changes within my heart. Praise God! I know I will need to continue to be vigilant and on guard at all times, but I also trust that God will restore me to wholeness as I press on to surrender to Him and depend on Him. I need to continue with conscious 0-5 eating. The changes that are beginning to become really deeply instilled in me are very exciting! I hope and pray this lasts for life!

Emotions:
I need to continue to throw myself on God when I feel strong emotions, ask Him for help to be self-controlled and wait on Him. The more time I spend in His presence the more I will experience victory with this area I believe. I actually don't struggle with this on a daily basis anymore.

I think I tend to struggle with this more when I'm dissatisfied with myself, when I feel like I'm out of control with myself. This is when I begin to just get impatient with anything and everything...and everyone in my family! When I feel that I'm living in surrender to Christ I feel more patient and loving... Aha! Good to pinpoint that! Therefore, I'd say that in general I have experienced progress in this area, praise God! So I think the best way to move forward in this area is to practice His presence more, something God has been laying on my heart lately.

Poor time management:
I definitely have to work on my poor time management. I think my house is showing the effects of my negligence! Also I know I'm missing out on moments with my family. The computer definitely monopolizes my time when improperly managed and balanced. I know that this will change as summer approaches. The ties will be cut as we head off camping and on other travels. I look forward to this change of pace. For now I think a practical step to take would be for me to log my online time (privately that is!). This would help me stay more balanced.

"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." 2 Corinthians 7:10

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

MARCH - TW ch 7

March 7th:

I’m not sure if I’m an emotional eater. I don’t need ANY emotions to trigger eating!!! If there is food tempting me it will most likely master me and be eaten regardless of emotions. The emotional eating exercise didn’t resonate with me because I can’t picture myself eating just because of these emotions. If I did feel like eating I know what I’d reach for is something sugary. However I do know that being tired is definitely a time of weakness for me. I’ll grab anything. I just can’t pinpoint specific foods with specific emotions…except to say that I really gravitate towards sugar always.

I can relate to the “tourist eating” and “eating because it’s there, and I want it now” listed on p. 70. Those are probably my main areas of weakness.

“I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” Phil 4:13

“Rather than condemn or reject, observe and correct.” P. 73

A reminder of what fat machinery is: Conditioned or habitual responses, Beliefs, Past Stories, Failures.