Freedom

As I reflect on the past week, since I decided to throw out the scale, I am amazed at the difference it has already made!
I feel FREE...free not only from the condemnation/shame that comes attached to the number on the scale...but also free to succeed. I'm not sure that makes any sense!

Somehow I'm finding that each moment COUNTS with this approach...in a grace-filled, God focussed kind of way...not out of guilt or shame or anxiety about paying for slip ups when I step on the scale.

I don't feel anxiety. I feel peace.

I don't feel shame. I feel healthy and strong.

I don't feel out of control. I feel myself leaning on the Lord, in constant conversation with God asking for His empowerment and direction.

I have been longing to just meet my body's sustenance needs, not going past satisfaction or overindulging. And strangely enough I think I finally feel free to begin to start cutting back portions a little! What a crazy, twisted perspective, isn't it?! Of course I was always free before, but somehow, if I was to be honest and dig deep, I felt resentful about it. I think I'm ready to come at it from a healthy perspective, not feeling put in a corner.

Lord, thank you for this past week. Help me glorify you with my body. Help me be satisfied and content with simply meeting my body's needs. Thank you for freedom! Amen.

A Pig, A Cat and a Big Mud Puddle

My goal this week is to be a cat...not a pig!

Okay, that probably doesn't make much sense. So I'll explain. Sunday's sermon really struck a chord with me. One illustration really stuck. The speaker asked, "Have you ever seen a cat go through a mud puddle?" followed by "Have you ever seen a pig go through a mud puddle?"

He proceeded to describe some of the things he'd seen growing up on the farm. He talked about how cats, when facing a mud puddle, would jump from rock, to tuft of grass, to rock etc. to get to the other side of the mud puddle, fully aware of every angle as they crossed. And when they got to the other side they would clean off any mud that was stuck to their fur. (Of course this is probably not always the case! But works for the sake of this illustration.) Here is a youtube clip I found of a cat and a puddle...

Did you notice how the cat was really not that interested in the mud puddle and actually turned away and walked the other direction?

Now on the other hand, the speaker emphasized that pigs never go "through" a mud puddle! They love to just get right in there, roll around, get as mucky as possible. Then some of the mud begins to dry and cake on and they get a bit itchy and then they roll around some more. You get the picture. They really make themselves at home in the mud. Here's another youtube clip that may help illustrate the point.

The point of this illustration is that we need to "walk circumspectly" (Ephesians 5:15 KJV). The speaker mentioned how the word circumspectly comes from two different roots - circumference and inspect. I'm not sure where he got that from as I couldn't find that in my searches. Here is a definition that I found for circumspect:

Aware of all circumstances; considerate of all that is pertinent; cautious, prudent, thoughtful, or wary.

His point was that when we walk circumspectly we are seeing things from all angles (the whole circumference) and we are inspecting the situation.

This got me thinking. Am I going through life like a pig or like a cat?! I know that sounds like a crazy question. But the image of the different approaches resonates with me. Right now I feel like a pig rolling around in the mud puddle of sin (in particular the sin of gluttony and lack of self control), instead of prudently and intentionally inspecting each step I take, aiming to get to the other side as cleanly as possible.

Now I know that ultimately without the Holy Spirit guiding and directing me I will be wallowing in the mud. I'm human and I very well know that I have this tug of war to do what my flesh wants. It says in Galatians 5:16-18, 25:

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

As we are filled with the Spirit (Eph. 5:18), have the mind of Christ (1 Cor. 2:16), led by the Spirit (Gal. 5:18) and keeping in step with the Spirit (Gal. 5:25) we begin to see situations through different eyes...ultimately with a renewed mind (Rom. 12:2). We see that mud puddle of sin and begin to see the way out of temptation (1 Cor. 10:13) and begin to see what God's will is (Rom. s 12:2).

So, my goal this week is to be a cat....not a pig! Application of this means I am going to be aiming to "walk circumspectly," soaking up God's word and truth every chance I get! If I don't know and acknowledge the truth, how can I live the truth? I want to be transformed by the renewing of my mind this week (Rom. 12:2). I want to watch and pray so that I will not fall into temptation (Matt. 26:41). And ultimately I want to SHINE for Jesus and be the aroma of Christ to those around me (2 Cor. 2:15). Ultimately I know that I can't get around or through this mud puddle without Christ! I cling to the following verse:

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 2 Corinthians 4:7

He Loves Me

The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

He is with me. He is mighty to save.
What a great reminder! This is a truth worth clinging to!

He delights in me.
This is hard for me to fathom. I'm just like a speck of dust in the grand scheme of things, of all the people that have ever lived and ever will live in the future. Yet God DELIGHTS in me. That makes me think that I make Him smile every now and then:-)

He quiets me with His love.
I picture a great big hug, arms wrapped around a child, somehow soothing all the worries and concerns away. It brings the image forth of a mother gently rocking her baby, softly hushing the cries and complaints, singing a soft lullaby in her baby's ear. And before you know it that child or that baby is smiling happily and contentedly up into mommy's face, resting in her embrace. Is that like God and His love for me?

He rejoices over me with singing.
Wow! This one actually feels almost unbelievable to me. First that He rejoices over me. And secondly that He would sing to/for me. It's going to take awhile for me to soak that truth in! It really is amazing to me that He would love me, sinful as I am, in this way.

My husband has been looking at life and faith through the lens of God's immense love for us a lot more then usual lately. He has really been impacted and inspired by another book by Wayne Jacobsen called "He Loves Me." I'm going to have to dig into that book soon because it seems to be affecting every aspect of my husband's outlook lately.

I often think I have no problem seeing life through this lens. Yet, I've been challenged lately. And I have come to realize I can, in no way, even grasp a fraction of the amount of love God has for me...for each and every person.

Hope

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:28-31

The first thing that hit me was the statement in verse 29 "he increases the power of the weak."

This leads me to the verse in Romans 12...

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. Romans 12:9-10

I feel weak. I am well aware of my failing and shortcomings. But He pours out His grace into my life. He is glorified through my weaknesses. He empowers me when I am weak. For when I am weak, then I am strong...

Back to reflecting on Isaiah 40:28-31, the key is to "hope" in the Lord.

I was reading the final lesson of the Beth Moore Breaking Free study and finished this lesson feeling so encouraged. She unpacked what the word "hope" in the context of Isaiah 40:31 means...

The Hebrew word for hope (KJV "wait upon") is qawah meaning "to bind together (by twisting)...to be gathered together, to be joined; to meet; to lie in wait for someone; to expect...to be confident, trust; to be enduring."

Inserting those synonyms in place of the words "hope in" for verse 31 would look like this...

But those who "bind together, are gathered together, are joined with the" Lord will renew their strength.

But those who "meet with the" Lord will renew their strength.

But those who "lie in wait for the" Lord will renew their strength.

But those who "expect, are confident in, trust in the" Lord will renew their strength.

But those who "endure in the" Lord will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they
will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

What a great reminder of what it means to truly "hope" in the Lord.

So today I chose to join with, meet with, lie in wait of, confidently expect and trust in, endure in the Lord.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." Jeremiah 29:11-14

I will call upon the Lord. I will come and pray to Him. I will aim to seek Him with all my heart.

Heavenly Father,
Thank you for increasing my strength and helping me run and not grow weary, walk and not grow faint. Thank you Lord for listening to me, revealing yourself to me, and promising to bring me back from captivity. I choose to hope in you alone. Amen.

Thin Within~Day 27

This chapter really struck a chord with me. God knew I needed to read it today! The chapter mainly deals with our time management and directing us to surrender our schedules to the Lord.

When we are weary, we are vulnerable--vulnerable to flesh-filled eating, vulnerable to focusing on performance instead of God's provision, and vulnerable to turning to temporary gratification rather than to the true life-sustaining satisfaction found only in Him. TW pg287

God wants to give us rest...

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28

I have found myself feeling quite busy this fall...and not all that rested! Maybe it is because I have started working outside the home this year (it's amazing how even 1 1/2 hours each day have stretched me!). Maybe it's because I have increased my # of piano students. Maybe it is because the kids need more hands-on help with school related homework, piano practice, play practice etc. Or maybe it is because I'm simply not making wise use of my time. Or maybe it's just because it is the nature of fall season!

I'm not sure what all the reasons are. But I *DO* know that I feel busy. In response to the reasons for busy-ness listed in TW pg 289-290...

#1. We invest ourselves in things that are not part of God's plan.

I have tried really hard to surrender my schedule and choices to Him. I pray about who He wants me to invest my time into. I pray about what things I get involved in. I should continue seeking Him in this area.

#2. We invest ourselves in godly activities beyond God's plan.

I'm not sure if I'm over-involved in church related activities. I've tried to seek Him in this as well this fall. I've actually "pruned" a lot of things out. I truly want to experience His leading for what I'm involved in. After this christmas play is done (on December 7th) my schedule will certainly free up a lot.

#3. We rely on our own strength rather than God's in doing what He's called us to do.

I may be prone to trying to do it in my own strength. Actually that is likely the case. Too often God gets put on the shelf and I just do things my own way in my own strength, rather then seeking God and asking for His help.

So, what am I taking from this chapter, as I am smack dab in the middle of one of the busiest times of the year???

I need to make sure I take time to be still before the Lord, first and foremost. I need to make sure all my involvements don't lead to me neglecting God's word and time in prayer, being still before Him.

I want to continue praying about each and every thing in my schedule, making each moment count. If I feel each thing on my schedule is within God's will then I will experience greater purpose and passion...and also energy...to fulfill His will and do each and every thing.

I desire to do all things in His strength, not in my own feeble strength.

I often pray before heading to school for lunch supervision or before I teach piano--that God would help me, that He would allow me to be a blessing to the students etc. It sure makes a difference when I invite Him into each of these moments. Right now I'm just sitting here thinking how cool it would be if I would actually sought His help in the midst of the never-ending problem solving issues I have to deal with on the playground. I think it would be really awesome if my first instinct would be to silently pray as I tackle each problem.

I know I need His strength and help with the root of greed and gluttony in my heart. I appreciated Susan sharing about her posture before the Lord each morning as she prayed. I plan to apply this as I remember that God is God and that He is Sovereign and Almighty.

I have to confess that the past number of days I still haven't been all that on track with eating 0-5. I think that the #1 reason is that I just got to feeling too busy. That's why I found the timing of this chapter so interesting.

Here's a neat quote from the Breaking Free study (by Beth Moore) that I'm currently working through...

Life vastly simplifies and satisfaction greatly amplifies when we begin to realize our awesome roles. God is God. Frankly, it's all about Him. Thank goodness, He is the center of the universe. So, how can we live with such a God-centered mentality? Freely! Because with God, it's all about us. We seek to please Him. He seeks to perfect us--and life works. Not without pain, but with purpose. Breaking Free workbook by Beth Moore pg 149

Heavenly Father, I invite You into EVERY part of my heart and life. I pray that all that I think, say and do would be pleasing to You. I want every part of me to be focussed on You, to be God-centered and glorifying to You. I long to experience the rest that You offer so freely as I submit to You. Thank, Lord. In Jesus name, amen.

God Equips

I've had a few things hitting me the past couple days...

First of all, Heidi wrote something on the thinwithin forums that really resonated. She wrote the following (here's the link):

Another thing that helps is to ask God to change my thinking from "How much can I eat before I go too far" to "How efficient is my body? How little do I need to sustain my body and to have energy suitable for the day?" Granted, if a person has had difficulty with anorexic behavior in the past, this might end up being a slippery slope or worse. For those of us who have never had trouble like that, though, this can be the difference between greed and humble success. When I allow God to work in me with this mindset, I am floored at the difference it
makes.

I thought it was such a practical and God-focussed-glorifying way to approach eating. Too often I ask the first quesiton (in my own way) "How much can I eat before I go too far?" It's time to change that question and surrender more fully to the Lord and His will.

Then today in my TW reading of chapter 14, the following verse jumped out at me (again):

For it is GOD who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. Philippians 2:13

I found this so incredibly encouraging to know that it's not my own strength and effort that is needed to change. It's not MY strength or power that is needed to take captive all thoughts and make them obedient to Christ...but rather bending my knees before the Lord and asking for HIS help and strength and equipping. This is the path of HIS provision.

I can't...But God, You can

I just wanted to highlight a few quotes from TW chapter 11 that stood out to me in my reading this morning...

As we begin to take captive all of our thoughts that are contrary to
Christ's and replace them with the truth of God's Word, we will want to give Him our bodies and our lives... Not only are you a temple, a sanctuary in which God has chosen to dwell, but you are set apart by Him and for Him. TW p. 111

True Freedom:

As we surrender ourselves to Him we experience the joy and abundance of a life lived on the edge of adventure. We won't know what comes next, but His provision supplies and equips us for everything to which He calls us. He empowers us to run the race with endurance. We can live in peace, knowing that our lives belong to God, that we are His responsibility. This is true freedom. TW p. 112

This was a great reminder!

Our Lord has purchased your PARDON.
Our Lord has purchased your PROVISION.
Our Lord's PRESENCE is always at your side.
Our Lord's POWER is available to you in any moment. TW p. 114

And this quote really struck me as worth pondering... I love the last sentence.

Bible teacher and author, Kay Arthur, says "Don't struggle in self-effort to be better. Don't determine that you are going to 'try harder.'
Acknowledge your need of His all-sufficient grace and go forward, surrendering and trusting in the power of God's transforming grace. 'As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him' (Col. 2:6). You were saved by faith; therefore, you are to walk in faith. It may be one step at a time, but walk. You can say, 'I can't,' as long as in the next breath you say, 'But God, You can.'" TW p. 114

Checking in

I guess it has been nearly two weeks since I posted. I thought it would be good to give account and be transparent with how things have been going.

First of all, I cannot begin to express how amazing our time here in Mexico has been. We are staying at the home of an amazing family who rescued and have care for seven orphanned children for the past three years (along with their own three children). They have been building an orphanage near their home that will open in the near future with the ability to care for many more children. The children are AMAZING! God's work in their lives is very evident! We have now spent over a week with this family and have been touched in so many ways. The children have a joy that just spills over and radiates from them. They are wonderful children, a true joy to spend time with. Our host couple, the Fletchers, are amazing individuals as well. I have learned so much as I have listened to them share from their hearts. I still don't know what God's plan in all this is....but I'm willing and available to whatever He calls me to. I could go on and on with stories...but will keep it short and sweet for now until I collect my thoughts better and can communicate them more effectively:-)

Second, I have been continuing to take time with the Lord. I have been really enjoying the Beth Moore study "Breaking Free". Today's lesson, finding satisfaction in God, really hit home to me especially. It compared how we seek to satisfy our bodies when we feel physical sensations of hunger and thirst (good reminder to do this more!!) and how we should be doing the same thing with our spiritual hunger and thirst sensations and turning to God who satisfies as with the "richest of fare". I have much growing to do in this area.

Third, in regards to eating.... I have really been off. I feel quite "yucky" right now actually! I have had my "on" days and then my really really "off" days. They have really different schedules here in Mexico! Breakfast has been self-serve. I should be more careful to be hungry for this meal as most days I can wait until I am hungry and then eat. Lunch is usually around 2pm (seems strange to me when I'm used to 11:00-12:00 lunches!). This is their biggest meal of the day.....and has been throwing me off majorly as I'm usually a light lunch kind of person! Then supper is around 9pm (seems crazy to me!) and they have had sandwiches or hamburgers etc. most days...more like our lunches. As I said following 0-5 has been up and down.... When we get to our next phase of our trip, our family time in Playa del Carmen, I know that I will have more flexibility with 0-5 eating, as I will be more "in control" of what times I eat etc. It is much more difficult when I am the guest here and the meals are being prepared and served to 15-20 people each lunch/supper.

I feel the root of gluttony has reared its head once again and feel captive once again to greed for food. Doesn't take very long does it!!!! I need to be set free by God's power once again. I need to open the door to the Lord and be satisfied by Him alone. Time to push the restart button again! I don't expect to be able to be hungry every meal while in this home....but certainly can make choices that reflect a heart that is not captive to gluttony.

Lord, I turn to you once again. I need your mercy and grace. I'm sorry for turning from you and choosing to do things my own way. Please help me learn what it means to be satisfied in YOU alone. I want to have a taste of all that you have to offer and to truly experience soul satisfaction. Thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for your power which you equip me with. I know that I cannot do this in my own strength. Thank you for all your provisions--help, peace, joy, purpose, strength, power, presence, grace and more. You are an amazing God! Amen.

Off to Mexico

I think this is the last post for awhile (probably for about 2 weeks) as we head off bright and early on Monday morning.

We're flying out of the U.S. so we have a day of driving first. Then Tuesday is our "BIG" travel day. I'm a little concerned about Tuesday as it is a full day with lots of switches and swaps between shuttle bus to the airport (at 4:00am!!!! *eek*), planes, buses, and taxis....and once we're in Mexico there will be the huge language barrier that will add a few more challenges! Lord, help us please!

Here's my plan of action for 0-5 eating challenges this upcoming month...

1.) Spend time with the Lord.
I aim to spend time daily in God's word, the TW book, the "Breaking Free" study (by Beth Moore), and in prayer. I really hope I find time to have regular and quality time with the Lord. I KNOW this is the key to keeping on track, living in surrender to His will.

2.) Eat 0-5
I aim to of course eat 0-5 as much as possible.

3.) Rely on the Lord for strength.
One of my biggest concerns is the time we're at the orphanage as I believe we'll have a lot less control over the times we eat, even over the food we're served. We are spending 12 days there, and this includes all our meals.

Will snacks be available at any time?
Am I going to be tempted by too much food?
Will I be able to eat the appropriate amounts so that I will be hungry for mealtimes?
Will I feel the need to "please the hostess"?

This is going to be a good challenge which I KNOW I will need to rely on the Lord for help with! One step at a time in the Lord's strength alone.

4.) Eat SLOWLY and savour each bite.
I need to remember that there is no benefit to eating delicious food fast, shovelling as much in as possible....it only means excess food in my belly but the taste of it won't be any different then if I eat it slowly and savour each bite. In fact I'll likely enjoy my meal all the more if I savour each and every morsel:-) Plus a bonus is we'll save money as we eat smaller portions when we eat out at restaurants:-)

5.) Savour the environment.
I want to also savour the environment I'm in, taking note of people around me, the smells, the sounds etc. This should heighten my enjoyment at mealtimes and make for lasting memories.

6.) Mealtimes are a time to connect with others.
I want to concentrate on my family at mealtimes, putting my fork (or maybe the taco!) down between bites. I will make sure each meal is not about just simply eating...but also about connecting with my loved ones.

7.) Drink water.
I'll keep hydrated...LOTS OF WATER will be needed this month!!!!

8.) Keep active.
I will enjoy lots of walking and snorkelling which should keep me in good shape this next month.

I am so excited about all that God has in store. I'm looking forward to our family's opportunity to minister to the children at the orphange and surrounding area...actually at this point I think we're all looking forward to that more then our family vacation portion! What an incredible opportunity we are able to take hold of. Thank you Lord!

I will be remembering many of you in prayer over the next few weeks... I'm definitely not forgetting about you as I head off;-) I know that, in perfect timing, God will remind me of much of the wisdom I've gleaned from my fellow TW journey companions, my sisters in Christ!

So for now...hasta luego ("see" you later)!

Camping Update

What an amazing six days it has been! I have thoroughly enjoyed spending so much time outdoors and in God's creation. It was wonderful camping with friends for our first three nights, catching up, having some heart-to-hearts and just hanging out together. Then it was nice to have some time for just our family the past two nights. My heart is filled with thanksgiving and gratitude for who God is and all the ways he cares for me. Thank you Lord.

Down to the nitty gritty details of the week!! My eating was mostly within 0-5 this week. However I did notice the roots of some greed rear its head... Since I was journalling my thoughts this week I figure I'll just post these...

Saturday, June 28th
I was reading TW chapter 14 and these are the things that stuck out to me:
"For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." Phil 2:13
"For sin shall not be master over you for you are not under law but under grace." Romans 6:14
* The Lord will reveal His perfect will for you. (Romans 12:2)
* Empowered by his grace--interesting thought
Gratitude log here.

Sunday, June 29th
Eating observation: I felt a little greedy for sugar this evening.
What a perfect chapter to start off camping...inviting God into each and every moment of my life, practising His presence. Just the reminder I needed. Thank you, Lord.
Gratitude log here.

Monday, June 30th
Eating observation: Too much sugar
Correction: Go for what I'm craving FIRST...rather then eating a whole bunch of other teasers and then finally going for what I was craving in the first place!
Gratitude log here.

Tuesday, July 1st
I'm really off this evening. Lord forgive me. It's not just my eating...it's my emotions too.
I've been very tired. My guard has definitely been down. I've given in to temptation. Father, help me live a surrendered life to you. I'm not even sure what I could do to correct today....maybe the munchie mix was my downfall...definitely think it was. I feel saddened that I'm not the best role model for my kids in regards to eating in moderation. Father forgive me for this too.
Gratitude log here.

Wednesday, July 2nd
I feel like I'm mindlessly eating tonight at supper. Did I even really invite God into each moment of this meal? If I had I would have turned to Him for strength to resist temptation and make good choices.

Reflecting on TW ch. 18:
"I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?" Neh. 6:3

What a great reminder to persevere and maintain godly boundaries!

I wonder if I stepped over a godly boundary at lunch by having chips. I just observed yesterday that my supper eating went off because of the overconsumption of the munchie mix in the afternoon. I think I set myself up for the same situation today. I could have simply saved some chips for later if I was craving them so much.

"My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you." Psalm 63:5

Gratitude log here.

Thursday, July 3rd
Reflecting on TW ch. 19:
"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength." Is. 30:15
What a neat verse! Something to ponder.

Also, reflecting on Ps. 32:1-5 I find it interesting to note that failing to acknowledge sin results in what I see as soul suffering--bones wasting, groaning, God's hand heavy upon, strength sapped.

One thing I noticed last night is that s'mores are a bit of a teaser for me. Not 100% satisfying so why do I eat so many?! Maybe I should just eat one for the fun of it and then eat the separate part (probably just the chocolate!) if I'm wanting more!

Gratitude log here.


In summary...

I've had some wonderful time with the Lord, with family and friends this week. I'm so thankful for God's strength this week. I'm also thankful for the TW book which is so packed full of godly insights and wisdom!

I didn't follow my pre-planned menu...yet all that thinking ahead of time did prepare me to make better choices. I pretty much just went with the flow and ate what I was craving within 0-5.

The two things I noted that seemed to be flesh machinery for me when camping are: munchies/chips and sweets (particularily s'mores).

My plan of action is...

Munchies--aim to eat very specific portion sizes. I think I'll actually portion out the munchies ahead of time so that I stick within a more moderate amount.

Sweets--s'mores...just eat one and then focus on more pleasing pleasers:-) Other sweets I just need to slow down and savour and continue sticking with 0-5 eating.

Well, enough from me for now! This is getting long winded as usual!!

Feelings of Failure

I have really been struggling with feelings of failure lately. It's like I've hit a road block again. I believe I'm a failure (I can hear satan screaming these lies in my head), I then behave like a failure and now I'm feeling the effects of this behaior... I feel dissatisfied with myself, and in turn am more irritable with my family and had to seek their forgiveness (which they graciously and freely offered).

I thought these statements and verses from "Who I am in Christ" by Neil Anderson (and found on pg 125 of TW) would be good reminders for myself at this time....
I am a new creature
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

I am established to the end
"He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Cor. 1:8

I am brought near by the blood of Christ
"But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ." Eph 2:13

I am more than a conqueror
"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." Rom 8:37

I am sealed with the promise of the Holy Spirit
"And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit..." Eph 1:13

I am being changed into His image
"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil 1:6

I have all my needs met by God according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus
"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:19

I can do all things through Jesus Christ
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Phil 4:13

I press toward the goal for the prize of the high calling of God
"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:14


These verses (highlighted in TW ch 12) also really spoke to me:

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you,

so that in all things at all times,

having all that you need,

you will abound in every good work."

2 Cor. 9:8

"But he said to me,

'My grace is sufficient for you,

for my power is made perfect in weakness.'

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,

so that Christ's power may rest on me."

2 Cor. 12:9

Thank you, Lord, for your word. Thank you for your grace that provides me with all I need to do good works. Thank you for using my weaknesses for your glory. I grab hold of the promise that the testing of my faith develops perseverance, so that I may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4). I move forward in your strength and power alone. In Jesus name, amen.

Flying Free

I don’t even really know where to start putting my thoughts into words... I think this is going to be a long post as I sort out my ramblings!

My first thought that I really want to share is how thankful I am for all the wonderful friends I’ve met online. I know I’ve said thank you before, but you are really truly such an inspiration and blessing and encouragement to me. You are a gift from God!

My second thought is that I feel like I’m entering a new stage/phase! I think I could liken what I’m feeling to a baby being connected to it’s mother with the umbilical cord in the womb and once it is ready to come out into the world the cord is severed and the baby moves on, growing up, dependant yet also independent of mom.

I feel like the past six months have been a time of growing and learning as I’ve followed TW principles. I’ve been extremely focussed, calling out to God for help through this entire time and seeking to surrender all to Him, daily reading my TW book (on my fourth time through it!), faithfully tracking my eating and hunger #’s, working through the Thin Again book and questions and also posting on this blog. It’s been intense and yet SOOOOO worth it! A wonderful foundation has been laid. God has really been at work in my heart and changing me into a new creation. Praise Him!

I have been feeling a little challenged over the past while to re-consider what I post to my food log. Finally, yesterday, when Paula posted that she was simply going to log her hunger #’s it was like the nudge I needed. It is time to cut loose this practice I’ve been faithfully doing. Last night at supper felt so strange as I knew I wasn’t going to “tell” anyone what I ate for supper! Not sure how describe it! It was almost like I had this weird mix of “oooh, I can eat whatever I want!” mixed with the good choice of sticking with what I’ve been doing for the past number of months following 0-5 conscious eating and healthy choices. I just was really struck by how I could be so impacted by such a simple change. I can see how it became legalistic (and almost like a diet law) for me…yet at the same time I know that is what I needed for a time and wouldn't change it!

As I near the end of the TW book once again I think it will be time to move onto new reading material as well. I was thinking of doing the TW workbook next for my devotional material, but am re-thinking this as I want to be sensitive to God’s leading of which material He desires me to study and grow with. Maybe the TW material won’t need to be so much the focus, now that the foundation has been laid and I certainly feel like it is becoming more natural to live within 0-5. I want my relationship with God to grow and blossom more and more, which is really what TW is about at the very core of it! I really loved “Living beyond yourself: exploring the fruits of the spirit” by Beth Moore, as I studied this in the fall/early spring. I am doing another Beth Moore study on David, but still preferred the fruits of the spirit study. My point is that I am looking forward to finding something to really chew on and help me grow! Ideas anyone?

Summer is fast approaching which will come with many challenges. One of the challenges will be that I will not have the same kind of online support available as we travel for much of the summer. The other big challenge that I have experienced in the past is change in routines—lots of s’mores and bannock around the campfire, snacking in the vehicle for long drives, and then all the “tourist” eating that comes with travels. I will need to come up with a plan of action for how to deal with these temptations (will post on that at another time). I know this summer will be a time of testing this foundation, if there are any holes in it, observing and correcting and growing, and leaning FIRST AND FOREMOST on God for my support and help. It will be an interesting challenge I’m sure!

I feel like this year God has been guiding me to focus on my relationship with Him and on my heart. In the process many of the ministries that I have been actively part of in the past have been put on hold. Well, I guess it has been a mixture of both kids being in school for the first time as well, which really was an adjustment in itself. Anyways, this year has been a time of great reflection and growth for me...maybe a bit of a sabbatical! I sense that God is preparing me for something new and awesome:-) Don't know what yet! But am looking forward to it! This summer our family is heading down to Mexico to visit/serve at an orphanage for two weeks... I really feel that God is going to use that time to further reveal His vision and purpose for my life. I really desire to be His instrument.

So, am I ready to fly free? I don’t know, but I feel I’m being nudged out of that nest, being encouraged by God to move forward into this next stage with confidence and trust in Him.

"But those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:31

Goals - checking in

Checking in on the goals I set for May 30th :

Goal #1 - 157 lbs by May 30th
I reached 157lbs this week, praise God!

Goal #2 - continue exercising 3-5x each week plus of course flyer delivery walk 2x/week
I have been exercising about 3-5x each week generally...although could up that a little.

Goal #3 - find balance in everday activities, start learning some spanish
I'm having trouble finding balance in everyday activities and I haven't started learning spanish yet.

Hitting the 150's is a huge step for me. It also comes with some new baggage. After my second child was born in 2002 I seemed to hit a wall with my weight and stayed stuck at 157lbs for about 3 years. My weight didn't seem to fluctuate at all, no matter how much I worked at it (which in hindsight I'm not sure how consistent I was). Then my weight started to spin wildly out of control the past two years, climbing FAR from the 150's, into the 170's.

I feel like I'm entering a new phase as I face old battles, old failures. I feel like I'm hearing a whisper in my ear saying "Remember how impossible it was to get below 157lbs last time. I'm not sure it's possible...." I need to move forwards....and stop acting like a chicken and act like an eagle! LOL! I need to remember "I'm not a FAILURE, but rather God's SAINT by calling who fails!" (TW pg 98)

As I read over my TW journalling I noticed a few quotes from TW that deal with failure that have really spoken to me:
“He knows we will fail even before we do, but it is not His will that we fail without benefiting or maturing in some way from the experience.” (TW pg 99)

“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” (Denis Waitley TW pg 95)

And of course, one of my favorites:
"Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat."
F. Scott Fizgerald

I know God has a plan in all this. This scripture sure has been an encouragement to me:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

So, with all this in mind my new re-adjusted (from original) goals are:

Goal #1: HEART changes - a more surrendered close relationship with God and practising God's presence more moment by moment day by day

Goal #2: 150 lbs by the end of the month

Goal #3: Exercise 3-5x each week for at least 20 minutes

Goal #4: Learn some spanish, spend time with the kids focussing especially on devos with them, and find balance in life.

I've found myself drawn to the scale far too often this past week. Thankfully it doesn't send me spiralling out of control. However the thing I have noticed that I don't like is how my mind has been focussing too much on a # (even though it has been all good news this week--yeah PTL!). My focus slides away from God and the heart work He's doing...and ultimately that is my #1 goal - to be in a more surrendered close relationship with God. So, I want to form another goal, which I know will be difficult for me to do....

Goal #5: Only one mid-month weigh in to check progress this month - maybe mid-June.

"I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms..." Ephesians 1:18-20

Filled with hope!

I stepped on the scale again and was down another pound - 163lbs! That's 2 lbs this week already! I'm just ecstatic as I haven't been this weight since March 2007. Down 9 lbs since the beginning of February.

The best part of all this is that I really KNOW that this is God at work. I KNOW that I didn't do this in my own strength, but rather it was God at work.

In the past few years I have tried to lose weight in my own strength/self discipline....and succeeded temporarily (though never fully achieved my goal to be within my BMI once again)....but then the weight came back on plus some.

I feel something is really different this time round as I truly am relying on God for my strength this time. I am going to Him daily and more frequently moment by moment on this journey. I am persevering (despite failing and setbacks) and accept this is my act of obedience to Him, no matter if goals get met or not. I don't feel as deprived (of food) as I have in the past which is also awesome! I somehow feel more free then I ever did before when I was trying in my own strength. I feel relaxed knowing this is for life and that in God's time I'll reach my God-given natural weight. I know that in the process I'm learning far more important lessons then a # on a scale can give me! I'm learning what it means to surrender myself more fully to God. I'm also learning more about what it means to simply observe and correct, rather then beat myself up as my tendency would then be to just give up.

Dear Lord,
Thank you for the hope and strength you give me each day.
In Jesus name, Amen.

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Phil 4:13

View my food log here.

My first-ever blog is up and running!

Yeah, I'm all caught up on putting my Feb/Mar/Apr journalling on this blog. I really wanted to capture the journey from the very start (or as close as I could to the start). I have optimistically started hunger/fullness eating and then fallen off the wagon and failed COUNTLESS times over the past six years. It has felt like a losing battle. I'm very thankful that I stumbled across the "Thin Within" book (definitely NOT a coincidence...but rather was a gift from God I'm sure) as it really has jump started this process for me. This is definitely the most dedicated I've yet been to persevering and not giving up on this weight loss journey....

I know that "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"!

April 5

April 5th food log:
(Chapter 5)

“But we have this treasure (the presence of God) in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.” 2 Corinthians 4:7