Weigh-In Day

I REALLY don't feel like posting this post....but I know this is part of the journey and I won't shie away from being transparent about it.

So yesterday was weigh-in day. I stepped on the scale after staying away from it since February 20th. Oh how quickly I pulled out the club of condemnation as the scale read I’m up another 3 pounds since I last weighed. That means I’m up 10 pounds since September 2008 – from 149 to 159 pounds. Ugh.

All sorts of thoughts swirled through my head. Of course the big one being that I somehow think I NEED the scale to maintain/lose weight… Another thought that ran through my head was “This 0-5 eating doesn’t work to lose weight!” (which I know flat out is a lie, since it HAS "worked" for me and many others!). I rarely go there with my thoughts, but I have to admit I went there yesterday! Then there were the other familiar thoughts: failure, the past repeating itself, defeat. It feels like the story of my past few years. I’d lose weight. Gain it back plus some. Lose weight. Gain it back plus some. And on it went. I don’t want to continue yo-yoing like this. I feel tired of this battle.

Right now, thinking of myself as 159lbs (keeping in mind that this is on my scale...the doctor's scale would probably add another couple pounds to that #....making me well outside my BMI again *sigh*)... Back on topic, thinking of myself as 159 lbs makes me feel very unattractive and fat. I could actually feel the “blobbiness” descend on me like a cloak, immediately after the weigh in. What on earth is up with that?! Prior to stepping on the scale I felt strong, healthy, slim, empowered. Stepping on the scale and seeing this # is certainly a wake-up call. One I perhaps needed. But at the same time, the thought of living in the shadow of this piece of metal’s “judgement” of me just doesn’t appeal to me any longer.

As I reflect on the past month, I have to admit that I absolutely relished the past 1+ months, living free of the scale. Eating 0-5 seemed to flow fairly naturally every single day, at basically every meal. It was a beautiful thing to experience. I kept careful track of my hunger #’s and food eaten. I can see habits changed. I can see heart changes. One of the most beautiful things about tracking this way was that I would sometimes feel the club of condemnation pulled out for slip-ups…but rarely would I feel “fat” or “ugly” or “unattractive” when exclusively using the 0-5 scale. I simply observed, corrected, and saw each slip up as a potential learning experience to grow further surrendered to the Lord.

One of my first responses was thinking that I needed to step on the scale daily once again. Track it. Mark it down. And in all honesty, stepping on the scale daily has a positive aspect. I have no clue if my weight today was a “blip” in a string of on-track weigh-ins…or was it a true reflection of my past month’s struggle/victory steps? I really have no clue. That bugs me. That is probably one of the only positives for a daily weigh-in. I see the fluctuations and don’t get as “thrown” off when I see a higher # occasionally.

My other response, which I believe is a true conviction from the Lord, is to cut out desserts for the next month. I think this is where the real slip-up has happened in the past couple months. The “love” of sugar has its tentacles gripping my heart. And it is time to be set free from that, no longer mastered by anything but Christ. I have noticed that this is definitely the biggest struggle I have with staying on track 0-5. I think my dessert consumption has resulted in me stretching my hunger #’s. The thought of bypassing the dessert after dinner, when I’m at a clear #5, hardly enters my mind. I’m greedy for that sugar. I’m longing for that treat. It’s what I’ve been waiting for all day long. Honestly, that’s the truth. That is the sin hiding away in the secret place of my heart.

I contemplated what it would look like to cut out desserts for the month in conjunction with stepping on the scale daily… And I have to say this is where I have changed. It was like a light bulb went off in my head…or maybe my heart. I don’t want to step near that piece of metal. I don’t want to feel “righteous” if my weight goes down. I don’t want to feel “fat” when my weight goes up. I just want to go with the flow, walking in step with the Spirit. I want to simply focus on obedience and surrender to the Lord.

So, that is where I’m going to track. I feel the Lord calling me to greater obedience, less focus on the # on the scale, more focus on Him. I know it is going to be tough cutting out desserts for the next month (although I will make exceptions in social situations if it is within 0-5 as I generally don’t struggle with moderation in those situations). I know that it is time to move into a “discernment” phase. I have seen very clearly how much of a stronghold sugar has in my life. And I need the Lord to set me free. I need to be able to see that the LORD is my portion. He satisfies…even more then sugar!

How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! Psalm 119:103

I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread. Job 23:12

God calls me to so much more than simply being consumed with weight and the number on the scale. He wants my heart…ALL OF IT!

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. Mark 12:30

And I want Him to have all of me! I have seen how God has used this weight surrender struggle to draw me into a deep and intimate relationship with Him. I have had an insatiable appetite and hunger and thirst for the Lord and his word the past few months, unlike I've ever experienced before. I praise God for that! I don’t simply want to travel this journey to end up self-controlled and disciplined…I want it to be about so much more than that. I want His glory to spill over and out through me with the fruits of the spirit so evident - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

May my life be a fragrant offering to you, my Lord. Mould me. Use me. Change me. Renew me. Transform me more into your image. May I reflect your glory more and more each and every day, and become pure as gold through these tests. Amen.

Legalism vs Freedom

My surrender journey took a more intense turn about one year ago, starting February 3rd 2008. I was 172 lbs one year ago and now am 153-155lbs. Prasie God for that miracle! Looking back I wanted to share one thing that has changed in the past 6 months in particular.

I was first introduced to hunger/fullness eating in 1998 through Weigh Down. As I remember the few years from 1998-2001, when I was more on track with hunger/fullness eating, I can see that legalism was completely holding me captive. I may have lost 50 lbs, but I was living in a prison of my own making.

My typical menu:
Breakfast: I'd start off the day with a small bowl of cereal or a yogurt and fruit (both healthy and delicious choices, clearly). I didn't go off course with these "safe" choices, because then I wouldn't "know" when I'd be hungry next...
Lunch: I'd usually have a piece of toast with cheese and a piece of fruit or I'd have another bowl of cereal with bananas and raisins. I'd very very very very rarely go off of those menu items.
Supper: Everything was up for grabs because I didn't have to worry about timing as much. I was not very conscious of what it felt like to stop at satisfaction.

I knew an apple would take me an hour to digest. A bowl of cereal would take 3 hours. etc. I was bound to a whole new "diet"! I feared trying new things because I didn't want any guess work with regards to when I'd be hungry. I dreaded going out with friends and encountering "different" choices.

This approach towards "timing" foods is still necessary at times I must admit. It helps with pre-planning, particularily when I want to be hungry for a special meal etc. However, it also can become a hinderance as I really wasn't FREE!

Since Summer '08 I feel there has been a marked difference in my approach towards eating. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my kids are in school full time so I have more flexibility with my eating? I feel a degree of *relaxing* into hunger/fullness eating. I have experimented more with what I like and don't like, what I'm craving etc. It's been good.

Of course this has also come at a cost as I have struggled to be consistent with 0-5 eating. It's tough to patiently wait for hunger when Idon't know how long I'll have to wait! Regardless, it has taught me many lessons...

I have learned not to actually focus on the food as much. That may seem strange because all of a sudden my menu options have expanded (though I do go in spurts with certain foods day after day...yet I'm not afraid to try new things now)! Somehow being free to choose has helped me focus on the present more. Hmmm...as I write this it seems a strange paradox!

Somehow being free to choose WHAT I eat has freed me to NOT think about food as much! And in the process my focus has shifted away from "controlling" my eating to focussing on feasting on God's word and on Him and leaning on Him.

So, despite the weight fluctuation in the past couple months I can truly say God has His hand in this, doing a "good work" in me. I can see some rhyme and reason to the past few months :-)

"So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:31-33

Seek first his kingdom... Somehow true freedom and satisfaction is found when we seek God. I guess that makes sense since this is the way God "wired us" and made us. We were made to glorify Him and seek Him. Nothing else will click with us like that! When I seek to control my life~my eating, my finances, my friendships, my family, my work, my schedule....my focus often veers far from God's purposes and will and His best.

Another Three Days (and a weigh-in)

Well, another three day time period has come and gone. I have felt so thankful for this challenge to push myself to focus on a three day stretch at a time. It really helps me to not see temptations as "just this one time" because it is part of a three day chunk of time.

I felt like eating 0-5 was almost like breathing the past three days. It felt like it just fell into place wonderfully and came naturally. I hope and pray this continues. I know God helped me through a few tempting spots as well...one of them being when my husband was eating ice cream late at night and I didn't join him as I wasn't hungry. Praise God.

I stepped on the scale as I'd felt prompted to do on this day. I'm a little discouraged because the scale reads 151 lbs. However, at the same time I'm not letting it pull me down or derail my progress. I think the #'s may reflect a bit too much dessert at night. I think I've been a little greedy in that regard.
And then I also haven't been hungry as early in the morning as I used to (used to be hungry by 7:30am...but lately it's been closer to 9am). My observation from this is that I'm probably eating a bit too much at suppertime (particularily in the sweet department). I need to re-examine my #5 for suppertimes.

For some strange reason I just feel at peace right now despite not seeing progress (even a couple pounds up) reflected on the scale. I know that I'm in the place I want to be in regards to eating, exercise and most importantly in my relationship with God. I also know that I don't want the scale to be a central part of my journey. I'm not really sure when I next want to step on the scale, but I'm leaning towards the end of next month. (in some ways I want to discard it until xmas! but that seems a bit too bold at this time! i'll see if I continue to feel led to that!)

So I continue pressing on. I want to continue with these three day challenges and focus on dealing with temptation head on. I also can see that I need to focus on not being mastered by sweets. (I've had a lot of ice cream and mini coffee crisp bars this past week) Praise God for helping me through each moment though! I'm really thankful for His presence, provision, pardon and power! So I continue on....onto another three days:-)

God's Work in Progress

Lil said it was time for a before and after picture... So, here's the best I can do for now (thanks to my husband's handy computer talents)! It's hard to really capture the physical difference that releasing 24 pounds makes...let alone the spiritual and internal difference it makes :-) I'm really blown away by all that God has done thus far. I'm looking forward to continued spiritual growth...and the release of more weight! I am certainly God's work in progress! I want all glory to go straight to God for all that He has done (and continues to do) in my life! What grace, mercy, love, tenderness, patience, power and faithfulness I have experienced! My heart is praising God.

“…being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Phil 1:6

Weight Released

Down to 149 lbs as of this morning. This is really encouraging news for me as I've been struggling with being thin from WITHIN lately and asking God to cut out all the roots of greed in my heart (as my posts have been reflecting lately). It's not an easy process...and I have so much more work ahead. Yesterday I felt a lot of peace as I invited God into this process more and surrendered more of myself over to Him. I want to continue walking in surrender to Him moment by moment each day.

I'm back!

It feels so good to be back home! What an amazing month it has been. So many answers to prayer and so many blessings were experienced. I've now updated my Counting My Blessings blog along with pictures from the past month.

One thing God taught me throughout our month in Mexico is that there are needs everywhere in the world...even in my own city here in Canada. I went on this trip willing to do whatever, go whereever God wanted me to go...as surrendered as I could be to His will. Did He want our family to move to Mexico? Did He want us to adopt a child? Did He want us to serve the poor and needy here in Canada? What exactly was the purpose behind all this?

I came away from our trip very aware that God had very specifically directed us to this ministry and family in Mexico for a reason. The family who are heading up this ministry were truly needing some extra support and encouragement and we could see that God used us for that purpose...and it was reciprocated as we watched and learned and listened to these passionate christ-followers share from their hearts and live out their lives serving others 24/7.

So, what does the future hold? I really don't know the answer to that. What I do know is that I need to listen to God's direction and follow His leading. So, I'm praying and waiting on God. At this point I have not felt inclined to serve in Mexico full-time...but am certainly continuing to feel directed towards ministry here in my own city amongst those in real need.

As I sought to surrender my future to God....I sadly fell short of surrendering my gluttonous greedy appetite for food to Him. I hate that I still have this root lodged deep down.... I generally was hungry about 1-2x each day (and was eating at least 3x each day). However I went past #5 a lot of meals...knowingly. And I often ate (a lot) when I was not in the least bit hungry.

On the positive note I kept up with my quiet time with the Lord, digging into the Beth Moore bible study. So many "aha" moments as I journey through this book. Most summers are so out-of-whack with schedules, and non-stop family time, that I often don't prioritize my devotions. But this summer was different...and for this I am thankful and praise God. I'm thankful for the hunger He is placing deep within me and for the way He is revealing Himself to me and touching my life.

On another positive note, I stepped on the scale this morning and found my weight had remained the same at 151 pounds! That's amazing! I'm just so thankful I'm not having to start all over again with releasing weight that had already been released! It truly has been released, praise God! My heart soars with praise to God! Now I just have to keep pressing on, make sure I don't stay in the vacation eating mode and continue to move forward to the weight God wants me to reach. More then that I need to keep pressing forward and continue to surrender to God and be set free from this sin of greed and gluttony that popped up its head this past month. I need to get back into consistent 0-5 eating now. I don't want to take a break from this "great project" that God has been doing in my heart and life.

Weight Released!

I was so nervous about stepping on the scale this morning. Lately I have felt a bit like a child on a bike with the training wheels removed! Putting my food/exercise log on hold and keeping it private proved a lot harder then I thought it would be. As I began to struggle a bit more with consistency I began to doubt that my weight would be maintained (and certainly doubted a loss).

Anyways, this morning I stepped on the scale and I'm down another pound! Yeah! I felt God reassuring me that I just have to keep pressing on, that I don't need to fret so much about the ups and downs. I just need to fix my eyes on Him and keep pressing on.

So I'm officially down 18 pounds, from 173 lbs to 155 lbs. Thank you Lord! One more pound to release and I'll be in the official bmi zone:-) Also once I get to 153lbs I will feel like another marker is reached as this was the lowest I ever got after my second pregnancy (and that was only for a couple weeks!).

Thank you Lord for your faithfulness, even as I stumble and fall. Thank you for your help and strength. I pray that you would continue to change me from the inside out. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Goal #5 - not met

I'm a little sad to say I didn't quite meet goal #5 of waiting until next Friday to weigh-in. I was trying to go 2 weeks without weighing myself... I got through one week though. I don't believe weighing myself weekly is a problem in itself, but I had been feeling challenged to extend the length of time between weigh-ins for this month...probably because the scale clearly has a little more power then it should have in my life at this time.

On the positive note, another pound was released this past week which was probably because I was fairly consistent (through God's grace, strength and power which equipped me of course) with 0-5 eating (even with a bit more ice cream and chocolate in my food log entries lately then I would prefer). Even more importantly I feel God is doing some heart work in me.

I need to learn to just trust Him and trust my body... Actually this is all ringing a bell.... I was just reading Thin Again chapter 6 last night and this paragraph stood out for me:

"The healing process continues as we put ourselves in a safe environment characterized by ongoing support, honesty, unconditional love, prayer, and the Holy Spirit's love and power. In Thin Within support groups, workshop participants continue to meet and hold each other accountable. The support groups remind us that the basis of this new relationship with food, eating and our bodies is trust. First, we trust God who created our bodies. Second, we trust our bodies to signal true hunger and to tell us which foods will satisfy us and when we have eaten "0" to "5". In the context of a loving support group, where we are gathered in God's name, we extend that trust to others as we continue to allow our grave clothes to be unwrapped. 'For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them' (matt. 18:20)" TA pg 112

I need to trust God first and foremost (in ALL areas of my life--food and non food) and trust the body that He has made to so ingeniously be just the right size when eating 0-5! How awesome is that! Now I need to internalize all that and REALLY trust!

Goals - checking in

Checking in on the goals I set for May 30th :

Goal #1 - 157 lbs by May 30th
I reached 157lbs this week, praise God!

Goal #2 - continue exercising 3-5x each week plus of course flyer delivery walk 2x/week
I have been exercising about 3-5x each week generally...although could up that a little.

Goal #3 - find balance in everday activities, start learning some spanish
I'm having trouble finding balance in everyday activities and I haven't started learning spanish yet.

Hitting the 150's is a huge step for me. It also comes with some new baggage. After my second child was born in 2002 I seemed to hit a wall with my weight and stayed stuck at 157lbs for about 3 years. My weight didn't seem to fluctuate at all, no matter how much I worked at it (which in hindsight I'm not sure how consistent I was). Then my weight started to spin wildly out of control the past two years, climbing FAR from the 150's, into the 170's.

I feel like I'm entering a new phase as I face old battles, old failures. I feel like I'm hearing a whisper in my ear saying "Remember how impossible it was to get below 157lbs last time. I'm not sure it's possible...." I need to move forwards....and stop acting like a chicken and act like an eagle! LOL! I need to remember "I'm not a FAILURE, but rather God's SAINT by calling who fails!" (TW pg 98)

As I read over my TW journalling I noticed a few quotes from TW that deal with failure that have really spoken to me:
“He knows we will fail even before we do, but it is not His will that we fail without benefiting or maturing in some way from the experience.” (TW pg 99)

“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” (Denis Waitley TW pg 95)

And of course, one of my favorites:
"Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat."
F. Scott Fizgerald

I know God has a plan in all this. This scripture sure has been an encouragement to me:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

So, with all this in mind my new re-adjusted (from original) goals are:

Goal #1: HEART changes - a more surrendered close relationship with God and practising God's presence more moment by moment day by day

Goal #2: 150 lbs by the end of the month

Goal #3: Exercise 3-5x each week for at least 20 minutes

Goal #4: Learn some spanish, spend time with the kids focussing especially on devos with them, and find balance in life.

I've found myself drawn to the scale far too often this past week. Thankfully it doesn't send me spiralling out of control. However the thing I have noticed that I don't like is how my mind has been focussing too much on a # (even though it has been all good news this week--yeah PTL!). My focus slides away from God and the heart work He's doing...and ultimately that is my #1 goal - to be in a more surrendered close relationship with God. So, I want to form another goal, which I know will be difficult for me to do....

Goal #5: Only one mid-month weigh in to check progress this month - maybe mid-June.

"I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms..." Ephesians 1:18-20

And the "Icing on the Cake" is....

Okay, I've got to say I love the icing on the cake. It is usually my favorite part as I really enjoy the most sugary of sweets! So I think this is an appropriate title for today's post despite it being about weight release!

So, after planning for trials, then taking action and experiencing God's amazing presence and provisions as I surrendered to Him, the "icing on the cake" is.....

1 pound released!

All the praise and glory goes to God for equipping me with all I needed as promised in scripture.

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8

Taking Action, Planning Ahead

First of all, praise God for another pound released! Yippee!! I'm at 161lbs now. I really have faith that in a few more days I will be 159/160lbs...I had a feeling that a few more pounds were being released this week. My body just seems to function that way...maintaining for a couple weeks and then releasing 2-3lbs. Kind of weird how that works! I've noticed that other years as well.

Second, I think I need to get my head wrapped around this weekend as I know there are going to be some "trials." These trials are not going to be bad things, but rather I just know I will be tempted to get off track with 0-5 eating... So, I need to take action on my "planning for trials" exercise. I'm going to PLAN ahead right now!

Friday Night - Dinner at Mom & Dad's
Friday night is dinner at my parent's place to celebrate my brother's birthday. I know it will be more challenging to stay on track and stop at #5 with all my mom's good cooking and then a birthday cake to follow. My plan will be first of all to be good and hungry for supper. Next, I will make sure I am eating SLOWLY, savouring each bite, put down my fork between bites and converse with my family, take lots of sips of water between bites and then try to just be satisfied with a small piece of cake (this will be the toughest part for me I'm sure).

Saturday - 12th Anniversary Celebration
Saturday is a bit up in the air. But the plan right now is to do something with my husband to celebrate our 12th anniversary. So, our original plan was to go biking (about 1-3 hour bike ride) and then have dinner out and then ice cream for dessert (since that is our favorite treat). However, the weather is not looking particularily conducive now (rain in the forecast), so it may just be going out for dinner. Soooo, in that case scenario, I once again will need to be really hungry for dinner. And then I will aim to eat only a small portion of my meal and take home the leftovers to enjoy later...and save some room for a small portion of ice cream as I did last night when I went out with my friend.

Sunday - Church Potluck
Sunday is a potluck lunch at church. I think it is just sandwiches so the temptation should be manageable. I will just keep what I eat to the minimum and try to avoid desserts (maybe just have one small treat) as I know that is where I begin to slide down the slippery slope. Maybe I'll bring some sliced watermelon to the potluck. (if anyone has been reading my food logs you will probably notice how much I LOVE watermelon lol:-) The toughest part of my day will likely be at suppertime which I may not be hungry for. I will aim to play those songs I picked out in dealing with temptation. Prayer, bible reading, getting busy with something else etc.

So, in a nutshell it looks like each day I will need to be on guard against giving into temptation. I will be in prayer this weekend. I know this is just real life and I am not stressed about any of this as each of these events are positive, family/friend focussed. I just know that I need to be thinking ahead to the kind of mindset I will enter into each of these circumstances with, equipped with the tools I need to stay on track, with my eyes on the "exit" that God provides. And I know I need the Lord to work in my heart to ensure I am enjoying the food but most of all loving HIM!

Dear Lord, I praise you and thank you for friends and family and all the blessings you have poured out in my life. I pray that I would live in surrender to you each moment of each day-each choice, each step, each chain, each word, each prayer. I pray this weekend that I would keep pressing on and keep offering you every area of my heart and life. I pray for your strength to withstand temptations this weekend. I pray that you would draw my attention to the way out of each temptation. I pray that I would be sensitive to your Holy Spirit's prompting. Thank you for hearing my call. Thank you for beginning to heal and restore me. In Jesus name, Amen

Goals - past & future

April 24 I re-adjusted the goals I set at the beginning of the month of April. My re-adjusted goals were:

#1 - 162 lbs by Saturday, May 3rd
#2 - exercise 3-5x each week plus flyer delivery walks 2x/week
#3 - clean up laundry room, our bedroom, winter/spring clothes switch-er-roo

Praise God I actually managed to meet EACH of these goals!!!

My new goals for the end of the month are:

#1 - 157 lbs by May 30th

#2 - continue exercising 3-5x each week plus of course flyer delivery walk 2x/week

#3 - find balance in everday activities, start learning some spanish

Filled with hope!

I stepped on the scale again and was down another pound - 163lbs! That's 2 lbs this week already! I'm just ecstatic as I haven't been this weight since March 2007. Down 9 lbs since the beginning of February.

The best part of all this is that I really KNOW that this is God at work. I KNOW that I didn't do this in my own strength, but rather it was God at work.

In the past few years I have tried to lose weight in my own strength/self discipline....and succeeded temporarily (though never fully achieved my goal to be within my BMI once again)....but then the weight came back on plus some.

I feel something is really different this time round as I truly am relying on God for my strength this time. I am going to Him daily and more frequently moment by moment on this journey. I am persevering (despite failing and setbacks) and accept this is my act of obedience to Him, no matter if goals get met or not. I don't feel as deprived (of food) as I have in the past which is also awesome! I somehow feel more free then I ever did before when I was trying in my own strength. I feel relaxed knowing this is for life and that in God's time I'll reach my God-given natural weight. I know that in the process I'm learning far more important lessons then a # on a scale can give me! I'm learning what it means to surrender myself more fully to God. I'm also learning more about what it means to simply observe and correct, rather then beat myself up as my tendency would then be to just give up.

Dear Lord,
Thank you for the hope and strength you give me each day.
In Jesus name, Amen.

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Phil 4:13

View my food log here.

Progress

I finished reading the "Thin Within" book for the second time now. I have found it such an insightful, uplifting, life-changing book! I'm looking forward to starting "Thin Again" (by the same authors) tomorrow.

I stepped on the scale today and was so encouraged to see the #'s finally move down! I have been 165 lbs steady since mid-March. I have been thankful to maintain that weight...but still longed to see some progress. So, to see 164 lbs on the scale today was a HUGE deal for me! I feel like I've crossed another hurdle and am hoping and praying I will continue to release some more weight. Last November I was 173 lbs. When I re-started TW in February I was 172 lbs...down 8 lbs in the past three months. Praise God!

“With Thin within, you don’t need to be perfect, but I came to understand I needed to persevere. Things happen and can seem overwhelming, but now I know how to refocus on God and press on.” (p.259 TW)

“Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.”
F. Scott Fizgerald

“…being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Phil 1:6

You can view my Daily Food Log here.

April 24

April 24th food log:
(Chapter 24)

#1 By God’s grace and strength I will be 159 lbs by day 30. (currently 165lbs)

My weight is still 165lbs… This is a positive in many ways of course. But I also know I need to re-adjust my hunger #’s and make sure I’m consistent if I want to lose weight and not just maintain… So, my goal for next Saturday, May 3rd is 162lbs as already stated before. I am going to aim to eat only to a #4 as I know it and hopefully this will help me re-adjust my hunger #’s.

#2 By God’s grace and strength I will exercise 5x each week (Mon, Tues, Wed, Fri, Sat)

My goal remains to exercise 5x each week as often as possible. I find this hard at times, but will try to get some exercise 3-5x each week plus flyer delivery 2x week. I think this is do-able.

#3 By God’s grace and strength I will follow my daily day plan & tidy my laundry rm.

I think I’m going to scrap the daily day plan. Doesn’t seem to be working. However, I still want to meet the objectives/aims of the daily day plan that I created. It was good to work out a schedule as it gives me a better idea of how I can get all my objectives met and how little extra time there really is to spare! I will clean up the laundry room TOMORROW! Saturday! That will be my aim. Then I should have a fairly clean storage space under the stairs and a clean laundry room…that would feel good. Next week I’ll be working on cleaning up our room a little as my in-laws arrive for a visit and will use our room…which will probably require doing the annual winter/spring clothes switch-a-roo.

April 18

April 18th food log:
(Chapter 17)

I have a hard time knowing what #5 - #7 feel like. I know what it feels to feel completely comfortable at the end of a meal. Maybe most of my meals in a day are eaten to a #4 and then at supper I tend to eat a bit more and I feel uncomfortable as I end my meal but then as I get up to clear the table the discomfort is gone. Is that a #5 or a #6? I am a little confused. In some ways I think I may just be wanting that to be a #5 but it is really past that satisfied point and needs to be adjusted…..but that is really tough to do!!!! As I look at my weight release chart I see that I have really plateau-ed over the past month. I got to 165lbs on March 21st and am still at 165lbs. I’m thankful for maintaining, but also see there is an obvious need for adjustments to be made.

Gratitude Giving exercise p.174:
I’m thankful for
· Jon’s safe travels
· A good spring break even without him
· Friends & family
· A night off tonight (a date night)
· Strength for each day
· Hope

Well, today I have to really watch my hunger as I want to be good and hungry for supper tonight as Jon & I have a date night and are planning on going out for supper.

April 17

April 17th food log:
(Chapter 15 & 16)

What a wonderful walk I had this morning as I spent time in prayer. It actually was so fitting as this chapter emphasizes spending constant time in prayer with God. So that was kind of neat. I feel very thankful for spring. I feel very thankful for TW and the way that God has designed our bodies to naturally know when to eat and when to stop. I weighed in at 165 lbs so that is good. I know that if I keep this up to the end of the month I should be able to shed a few more pounds. Just have to keep persevering despite failures and setbacks. I really feel that God wants me to be obedient and surrendered in this no matter what the results. I fear the summer travels (when we tend to eat more/schedules out of whack/more junk food when camping and of course “tourist eating”) and falling off the wagon again….but then I know that I need to hang onto this over the summer. This needs to be a complete lifestyle change, not just for a season. That is my deepest desire. Right now is the time to lay the foundation of TW prior to summer when the temptations begin to be presented a bit more…

April 14

April 14th food log:
(Chapter 12)

I can relate to “greasy grace”!
“What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?” Romans 6:1-2

I weighed in at 167lbs today. I plan on weighing myself more frequently, at least for a time. I also think I need to assess my progress/success once again. I can see that discontinuing that has in many ways been the beginning of my “greasy grace” approach. I also need to be more mindful of eating to a #5 as I think I’ve been going past that comfy point far too often. I remember Jon saying years ago how he would “shrink his stomach” which always sounded absurd….but it really made sense as he would reduce the amount he consumed and his stomach began to be satisfied with less and less. I need to start “shrinking my stomach” too! (in more ways then one of couse!)

MARCH - TW ch 20

March 20th:

I stepped on the scale this morning….even though I was going to wait till the end of the month. I felt like I needed to have some feedback in regards to my progress. I was very pleased to see I’m at 165 lbs! Yeah! Down 5 pounds in the past two weeks! This was just the affirmation I needed. It would be wonderful if I could get down to 160lbs by the end of the month. That would be super encouraging. Anyways, the main reflection of success for me still lies in changed eating habits. That is where I want to concentrate.

The biggest change needs to lie in my heart surrendered to God and His will. I am praying daily on this and know I have some growing to do in this regard. I need to be willing to find that way out (that He always provides) in the midst of temptation. I find that REALLY hard!!! I’m a little anxious about the upcoming weekend with Easter meals and treats. I am going to have to really be alert and self-controlled and resist Satan and the temptation he will be presenting!

FEBRUARY - Getting started!

Getting started following "Thin Within" by Judy & Arthur Halliday

I have been keeping a journal since I started this journey and will try to catch up to where I am today in my journey!

February 3rd:
Well, I am determined this is it. I want to lose this weight once and for all. I am sickened by my greed for food, the power/mastery that food has in my life and the lack of self-discipline I have. I know and believe God can do miracles and by His Holy Spirit change me from the inside out. I want to surrender to Him. My goal is to keep a daily journal in this folder to be a reminder for myself in my journey, and also help me keep a degree of accountability with others. My present goal in terms of food records is to have a record of my eating right on my fridge (in plain view of my husband). I know this has helped me in the past, keeping track of whether I'm hungry or not at each eating occasion along with whether or not I have exercised. I want to get back to this. Also, I really want to have a more balanced diet and want to make sure each eating occasion has more value. A verse that really has spoken to me is:

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."
1 Corinthians 10:31

What does it mean "for the glory of God"? I think it means that even in the most simple, daily tasks/goings-on God wants us to glorify Him.....and I think the way I can do this is being obedient to Him. God has impressed on me that obedience is reflected in:

1.) following hunger/fullness cues that He has gifted me with
2.) making wiser more balanced food choices.

Ultimately that means not allowing anything to master me but Christ.....and I know that my greed for certain foods, particularily sugary ones, or even just ANY food when I'm not hungry DOES at times does take a higher place then Christ and master me. I want this to change in my life.

February 4th:
Well, today was a start….not a perfect start, but a start all the same! And I don’t feel too discouraged. I know it always takes a bit to really consistently wait for hunger… A couple things I liked about the way the day went. First, I felt like I ate so much healthier. I enjoyed the foods I ate. I felt I paid fairly good attention to the food/pace I was eating. And I was pleased that I waited for hunger in the morning. That’s not always an easy thing to do.

February 5th:
Today went fairly well. Still ate a bit more in one sitting then I should have, but I think it all worked out.

February 6th:
Well, today was a difficult day for me as I was completely low on energy and tired as I’d been up all night with my sick daughter. I started the day working on just a little bit of sleep. This is always my weakest point for overeating I find. I didn’t wait for hunger for the majority of the day, but was thankful (and surprised) when I got hungry at suppertime. This was very encouraging to me. I made healthy choices for the most part though. And I didn’t eat past a #5 (with the exception of supper). So, that was good too.

February 7th:
Tuesday has been my best day so far… Anyways, I really feel pleased that I have been continuing to make healthy food choices. That’s a step in the right direction.

February 9th - 11th:
Well, so far this week has gone really BAD! I have not been on track at all! But I am going to keep plugging away. I think one of the keys to my failure is weekend laziness or out of routine issues. My other big downfall is definitely when I bake. I love to bake though and am not sure how to manage this one and eat in moderation. I know I have to figure this one out though. The clincher this weekend was a chocolate cake I baked, and then came the buns and then came the banana bread and then the sugar cookies... Once I`m off track it`s REALLY hard to get back on. Anyways, I know the Lord forgives and desires me to keep plugging away! Not giving up here! It`s just one bad week! I`ve got lots more good ones to come.

February 14th:
Well, that doesn’t look like a very good eating day! Anyways, it was a special day and kind of hard to be on track, particularily since I didn’t start the day hungry. Would have helped to have been hungry for breakfast!

February 17th:
I stepped on the scale and was mortified to see 173lbs! Ugh! What is going on! I just can’t seem to get things back on track… Feels like a useless battle at times…. Sigh

February 19th:
That brings me to Tuesday… I stepped on the scale this morning and was 171lbs. Quite discouraging actually. I know I’m not in the “zone” yet. Anyways, I was hungry earlier then usual this morning which was encouraging. I ended up rumbling at 8am which is great. I had a small bowl of cereal. I also did my cardio of 20 minutes jump rope (do 1200 jumps) .

Well, I’m really thankful for how the day went. Yeah, each day I followed my hunger and fullness! That feels REALLY good! I don’t know when the last time was that I did that….probably not since November. Praise God for this small victory! My plan is to fast tomorrow until supper as it is our churches’ day of fasting and prayer. So, I’m guessing I’ll have another day “on the wagon”!

February 20th:
Well today was a day of fasting and prayer….so eating wasn’t really an issue! What an awesome day of time spent with the Lord it was! And in the evening I had such a wonderful bible study with two new believers. It was all about God’s character being the foundation of our faith. I knew it was going to be a pretty big study for these ladies and God has been speaking in so many different ways on this topic to me—through Sunday morning sermon, through both bible study guides I’m working through etc…..all in one week! It was really awesome to unpack it with these ladies and I know that the time of prayer and fasting was used by God to help focus my prayer for this study. So PTL!

I rumbled MANY times throughout the day, starting at 8:30am . Pretty much rumbled every 2 hours through the day…..interesting observation I must say! Something for me to remember in the future. I also got my cardio in today, skipping rope for my regular 20 minutes (1200 jumps). So, that was good too.

February 21st:
I was determined to have another on-track day, so as I headed out to the school to volunteer I just brought along a yogurt and plastic spoon in case I got hungry. Didn’t end up eating it despite rumbling at 10:30am as it wasn’t convenient…

February 23rd:
I’m definitely disappointed with how today went. I started out the day with good intentions and did wait for hunger, but then as I did some experimental cooking I taste-tested food which kind of lead down a slippery slope.

I’m feeling a little anxious about tomorrow as meals are a bit more structured tomorrow….eating out for lunch and supper (not in a restaurant but elsewhere). So, it will be a little more difficult to time eating when I’m hungry. If I start out right, being hungry prior to lunch I should be okay. I know that hot dog, chips and juice are on the menu for lunch….so I’ll try to keep the amount down, maybe skip the chips and aim for ½ the hot dog. We’ll see. Then in the evening it’s a potluck at church….that one will be a little more difficult to control the amount of food. I will need to be very careful tomorrow to make sure this weekend doesn’t turn into the same as last! My aim for weight by the end of next week is down to 167 lbs. Hopefully I’ll turn the corner on that and get back to that 165 lbs really soon, then start working on new weight to lose! Weight loss is SOOOO hard! It’s crazy!

February 23rd - 28th:
Not a very good week in regards to eating…..