Off to Mexico

I think this is the last post for awhile (probably for about 2 weeks) as we head off bright and early on Monday morning.

We're flying out of the U.S. so we have a day of driving first. Then Tuesday is our "BIG" travel day. I'm a little concerned about Tuesday as it is a full day with lots of switches and swaps between shuttle bus to the airport (at 4:00am!!!! *eek*), planes, buses, and taxis....and once we're in Mexico there will be the huge language barrier that will add a few more challenges! Lord, help us please!

Here's my plan of action for 0-5 eating challenges this upcoming month...

1.) Spend time with the Lord.
I aim to spend time daily in God's word, the TW book, the "Breaking Free" study (by Beth Moore), and in prayer. I really hope I find time to have regular and quality time with the Lord. I KNOW this is the key to keeping on track, living in surrender to His will.

2.) Eat 0-5
I aim to of course eat 0-5 as much as possible.

3.) Rely on the Lord for strength.
One of my biggest concerns is the time we're at the orphanage as I believe we'll have a lot less control over the times we eat, even over the food we're served. We are spending 12 days there, and this includes all our meals.

Will snacks be available at any time?
Am I going to be tempted by too much food?
Will I be able to eat the appropriate amounts so that I will be hungry for mealtimes?
Will I feel the need to "please the hostess"?

This is going to be a good challenge which I KNOW I will need to rely on the Lord for help with! One step at a time in the Lord's strength alone.

4.) Eat SLOWLY and savour each bite.
I need to remember that there is no benefit to eating delicious food fast, shovelling as much in as possible....it only means excess food in my belly but the taste of it won't be any different then if I eat it slowly and savour each bite. In fact I'll likely enjoy my meal all the more if I savour each and every morsel:-) Plus a bonus is we'll save money as we eat smaller portions when we eat out at restaurants:-)

5.) Savour the environment.
I want to also savour the environment I'm in, taking note of people around me, the smells, the sounds etc. This should heighten my enjoyment at mealtimes and make for lasting memories.

6.) Mealtimes are a time to connect with others.
I want to concentrate on my family at mealtimes, putting my fork (or maybe the taco!) down between bites. I will make sure each meal is not about just simply eating...but also about connecting with my loved ones.

7.) Drink water.
I'll keep hydrated...LOTS OF WATER will be needed this month!!!!

8.) Keep active.
I will enjoy lots of walking and snorkelling which should keep me in good shape this next month.

I am so excited about all that God has in store. I'm looking forward to our family's opportunity to minister to the children at the orphange and surrounding area...actually at this point I think we're all looking forward to that more then our family vacation portion! What an incredible opportunity we are able to take hold of. Thank you Lord!

I will be remembering many of you in prayer over the next few weeks... I'm definitely not forgetting about you as I head off;-) I know that, in perfect timing, God will remind me of much of the wisdom I've gleaned from my fellow TW journey companions, my sisters in Christ!

So for now...hasta luego ("see" you later)!

The Impact of 0-5 on World Hunger

I was at my parent's place the other day and was reading this...

The following statistics stood out for me:

The one statistic that jumped out at me in particular, was that...

...hunger and poverty claim 25,000 lives every day (doing a bit of math it means that about every 3 seconds a person dies because of hunger or poverty)...

Wow! That is absolutely CRAZY! I'm mortified by this fact!

What does this say about my own choice to eat in EXCESS on a regular basis when others are DYING because they don't even have enough food to survive each day?!

I've sensed God challenging me to consider more practical steps towards better stewardship of all that I have been blessed with. I hope and pray our family can be part of changing that statistic in this upcoming year, no matter how small and insignificant our baby steps may seem.

Okay, first baby step I feel called to... Generally, our family of four spends about $600/month on groceries. Every now and then it dips closer to $550, though that is rare lately...and sometimes it is more then $600. This upcoming year I plan to be a bit more vigilant with my grocery choices and spending. And of course I will be more vigilant with my food consumption as well, since our whole family has been on board lately aiming to eat 0-5. Logically I would think our grocery budget would reflect some savings as we follow 0-5 eating...because we should all be eating LESS, right?!!! We plan to transfer any "savings" from grocery spending directly towards those in need. Our initial goal will be that each month any dollar under that $600 mark will be donated to those in need. So, we'll see how that goes! It should be a good challenge for us all!!!

Wouldn't it be amazing to actually see our obedience to God (with 0-5 eating) benefit those who are less fortunate?!

I'm sure that our trip to Mexico will open our eyes first-hand to the stark contrast between our lifestyle and those who live in poverty and inspire us to make changes. Maybe this is a large part of why God is calling us to take this trip. I hope and pray we come back home completely changed. I pray that we will come to a place of deeper surrender to God and all that He calls us to.

Counting My Blessings...

Heavenly homecoming for my friend's father after a long road of pain and suffering.

How thankful I am that there is hope and a future for those who believe. I know that my dear friend's father is now at home with Jesus and free from pain and suffering, completely at peace and filled with joy. Thank you Lord, for this assurance. Please help those left behind as they grieve.

Abundance of food on our table & in our cupboards.

So many people around the world don't have enough food. I'm pretty sure i heard recently that every three seconds a person dies from either starvation or related to poverty. So many parents cannot even feed their children...how heartwrenching that must be. Heavenly Father, help me be a good steward of the resources we've been blessed with.

God's hand in our Mexico trip.

He has worked out so many details for our family mission trip. Thank you Lord.

Sound of waves, sand, shells...all that wonderful beach stuff!

And we get to enjoy a campsite on this very beach (pictured above, taken by Jon) for only $7/night! An amazing deal!!!! I love to hear the waves as I'm falling asleep or relaxing & reading a book.

A loving, patient husband.

That's a big one! I sure need a lot of patience! :-)

Blue skies, birds chirping, fluffy clouds, sunshine & quality time spent with the family.

Spiders...

While camping, Jon took this neat photo at breakfast one day (he called it "dinner guest"). Okay to be honest I'm not really fond of the juicy, huge or poisonous ones...but I'm okay with daddy long leg spiders! My point is that I'm thankful for spiders because they EAT MOSQUITOS (which we have in abundance here)!!!! I've made peace with spiders:-)

Stinky Garbage

I just returned from a few days camping...and all I can say is I am more then ever fully aware how easily I could slip away from this path of God's provision... How sad is that after all He has done?!

Last week I noticed an awful odor coming from our kitchen garbage can, so I emptied the garbage bag thinking that would take care of the odor. Didn't work... So, I sprinkled a good amount of baking soda inside the garbage can and put a bowl of it behind the can. Didn't work... Finally on Monday, as I was cleaning up the house prior to our camping trip, I decided to soak the garbage can in bleach. Then I decided to give the cupboard that houses the garbage can a quick wipe. Lo and behold, I found a piece of ROTTEN watermelon rind sitting at the very back of the cupboard...mouldy and all! Obviously it missed the garbage can and fell behind.

I feel like my life is a bit like that right now. I have experienced many changes, from the inside out (praise the Lord!), but there are still "rotten" things that I am harbouring, the root of my disordered eating is still not fully dealt with.

(My simple rotten watermelon episode quickly brought to mind Heidi's experience and reflection of the brambles here and here.)

I'm wondering how on earth I am going to manage the next month while in Mexico. I'm definitely prone to "tourist" nibbling... (Hard not to with all the awesome authentic Mexican food we'll have around us!) Plus I know that relaxing beach times tend to bring out the munchy urges for me. Plus I imagine I'll be experiencing a fair amount of tiredness with schedule changes, sleeping arrangement changes, heat/humidity changes etc....which leads to more 0-5 eating challenges for me. AAAHH!! Somehow at the root of all this is a continued greed for food and continuing to ignore the Lord's help in time of temptation....my stinky, rotten watermelon rind.

I continue to cling to God's promises...

“…being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Phil 1:6

Lord, help me get to the root of my disordered eating... In Jesus name, amen.

Counting My Blessings...

Safety during the storm.
As thunderstorms passed over it feels good to be safe in our home.


"The Real Me" by Natalie Grant

God sees the real me.
I'm thankful for His grace and mercy and love that He pours out in my life despite seeing the real me! I'm thankful for the song "The Real Me" by Natalie Grant that reflected on this awesome truth!

Follow-up: Prepared to Give an Answer

I posted about being prepared to give an answer here.

One day this week I had two people note that I had lost a lot of weight. Both times I stumbled around with my words trying to formulate a quick concise response... And both times I was able to direct the glory to God! Praise be to Him!

When my first friend commented, I awkwardly said "Thanks" and then proceeded to say that "it was all in God's strength." She responded saying, "I know it sure can be tough to lose weight..." And that was it!

My second friend was aware of TW and I was able to once again make it known that God is doing a good work. I wish I could have said more. But I know she knew that losing weight is rooted in a spiritual process for me.

I am thankful that God allowed me these opportunities. I feel that He has been preparing me for these moments, so that I would not rob Him of glory. So, my heart is soaring with praise to Him!

"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." 1 Peter 3:15

Weight release sure provides a great opening to glorify God! I pray for many more opportunities in the upcoming year to share Christ with others, in any way God chooses to use me (as exemplified by Beth Moore in the Hairbrush Experience). I pray that I would shine for Him in all areas of my life! Below are some verses that for many years have been my "life verses."

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. " Colossians 4:2-6

Today

I thought I'd set a record and post 3x in a day...just kidding! LOL Actually I figured it wouldn't hurt to be accountable for my day...

0-5 eating went great for the most part. It was amazing how it just seemed to flow so naturally today...actually I'd say it was a "God thing!". I wasn't eating at my more "regular" meal times, but I didn't feel impatient with the process of waiting for hunger. However, I am sad to say, that at supper I did eat to a #7. I had saved some room for popcorn and a movie right after dinner...and wasn't on guard enough. I realized that I need to focus on the keys to conscious eating once again. So, I'll get back to zoning in on those.

1. Eat when my body is hungry ("0").

2. Eat in a calm environment by reducing distractions.

3. Eat when sitting.

4. Eat when my body and mind are relaxed.

5. Eat and drink the things my body enjoys.

6. Pay attention to my food while eating.

7. Eat slowly, savoring each bite.

8. Stop before my body is full ("5").

Time with the Lord was wonderful today as well. Of course there is always room for growth in this area, so I will continue zoning in on that too.

Well, that's the update on today. Continuing to press forward in the Lord's grace and strength.

Beth Moore's "Hairbrush Experience"

A friend emailed this to me and it really touched my heart. It's a long but worthwhile read!

(For those of you who do not know Beth Moore, she is an outstanding Bible teacher, writer of Bible studies, and is a married mother of two daughters.)

This is one of her experiences:

April 20, 2005, at the Airport in Knoxville, waiting to board the plane I had the Bible on my lap and was very intent upon what I was doing. I'd had a marvelous morning with the Lord. I say this because I want to tell you it is a scary thing to have the Spirit of God really working in you. You could end up doing some things you never would have done otherwise. Life in the Spirit can be dangerous for a thousand reasons not the least of which is your ego.

I tried to keep from staring, but he was such a strange sight. Humped over in a wheelchair, he was skin and bones, dressed in clothes that obviously fit when he was at least twenty pounds heavier. His knees protruded from his trousers, and his shoulders looked like the coat hanger was still in his shirt. His hands looked like tangled masses of veins and bones. The strangest part of him was his hair and nails. Stringy, gray hair hung well over his shoulders and down part of his back. His fingernails were long, clean but strangely out of place on an old man.

I looked down at my Bible as fast as I could, discomfort burning my face. As I tried to imagine what his story might have been, I found myself wondering if I'd just had a Howard Hughes sighting. Then, I remembered that he was dead. So this man in the airport... an impersonator maybe? Was a camera on us somewhere? There I sat; trying to concentrate on the Word to keep from being concerned about a thin slice of humanity served up on a wheelchair only a few seats from me. All the while, my heart was growing more and more overwhelmed with a feeling for him.

Let's admit it. Curiosity is a heap more comfortable than true concern,and suddenly I was awash with aching emotion for this bizarre-looking old man. I had walked with God long enough to see the handwriting on the wall. I've learned that when I begin to feel what God feels, something so contrary to my natural feelings, something dramatic is bound to happen. And it may be embarrassing.

I immediately began to resist because I could feel God working on my spirit and I started arguing with God in my mind. 'Oh, no, God, please, no.' I looked up at the ceiling as if I could stare straight through it into heaven and said, 'Don't make me witness to this man. Not right here and now. Please. I'll do anything. Put me on the same plane, but don't make me get up here and witness to this man in front of this gawking audience. Please, Lord!' There I sat in the blue vinyl chair begging His Highness, 'Please don't make me witness to this man. Not now. I'll do it on the plane.'

Then I heard it...'I don't want you to witness to him. I want you to brush his hair.'

The words were so clear, my heart leap into my throat, and my thoughts spun like a top. Do I witness to the man or brush his hair? No-brainier. I looked straight back up at the ceiling and said, 'God, as I live and breathe, I want you to know I am ready to witness to this man. I'm on this Lord. I'm your girl! You've never seen a woman witness to a man faster in your life. What difference does it make if his hair is a mess if he is not redeemed? I am going to witness to this man.'

Again as clearly as I've ever heard an audible word, God seemed to write this statement across the wall of my mind. 'That is not what I said, Beth. I don't want you to witness to him. I want you to go brush his hair.'

I looked up at God and quipped, 'I don't have a hairbrush. It's in my suitcase on the plane. How am I supposed to brush his hair without a hairbrush?' God was so insistent that I almost involuntarily began to walk toward him as these thoughts came to me from God's word: 'I will thoroughly furnish you unto all good works.' (2 Timothy 3:17)

I stumbled over to the wheelchair thinking I could use one myself. Even as I retell this story, my pulse quickens and I feel those same butterflies. I knelt down in front of the man and asked as demurely as possible, 'Sir, may I have the pleasure of brushing your hair?'

He looked back at me and said, 'What did you say?'

'May I have the pleasure of brushing your hair?'

To which he responded in volume ten, 'Little lady, if you expect me to hear you, you're going to have to talk louder than that.'

At this point, I took a deep breath and blurted out , 'SIR, MAY I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF BRUSHING YOUR HAIR?'

At which point every eye in the place darted right at me. I was the only thing in the room looking more peculiar than old Mr. Long Locks. Face crimson and forehead breaking out in a sweat, I watched him look up at me with absolute shock on his face, and say, 'If you really want to.'

Are you kidding? Of course I didn't want to. But God didn't seem interested in my personal preference right about then. He pressed on my heart until I could utter the words, 'Yes,sir, I would be pleased. But I have one little problem. I don't have a hairbrush.'

'I have one in my bag,' he responded.

I went around to the back of that wheelchair, and I got on my hands and knees and unzipped the stranger's old carry-on, hardly believing what I was doing. I stood up and started brushing the old man's hair. It was perfectly clean, but it was tangled and matted. I don't do many things well, but must admit I've had notable experience untangling knotted hair mothering two little girls. Like I'd done with either Amanda or Melissa in such a condition, I began brushing at the very bottom of the strands,remembering to take my time not to pull.

A miraculous thing happened to me as I started brushing that old man's hair. Everybody else in the room disappeared. There was no one alive for those moments except that old man and me. I brushed and I brushed and I brushed until every tangle was out of that hair. I know this sounds so strange, but I've never felt that kind of love for another soul in my entire life. I believe with all my heart, I - for that few minutes - felt a portion of the very love of God. That He had overtaken my heart for a little while like someone renting a room and making Himself at home for a short while.

The emotions were so strong and so pure that I knew they had to be God's. His hair was finally as soft and smooth as an infant's. I slipped the brush back in the bag and went around the chair to face him. I got back down on my knees, put my hands on his knees and said, 'Sir, do you know my Jesus?'

He said, 'Yes, I do' Well, that figures, I thought. He explained, 'I've known Him since I married my bride. She wouldn't marry me until I got to know the Savior.' He said, 'You see, the problem is, I haven't seen my bride in months. I've had open-heart surgery, and she's been too ill to come see me. I was sitting here thinking to myself, what a mess I must be for my bride.'

Only God knows how often He allows us to be part of a divine moment when we're completely unaware of the significance. This, on the other hand,was one of those rare encounters when I knew God had intervened in details only He could have known. It was a God moment, and I'll never forget it. Our time came to board, and we were not on the same plane. I was deeply ashamed of how I'd acted earlier and would have been so proud to have accompanied him on that aircraft.

I still had a few minutes, and as I gathered my things to board, the airline hostess returned from the corridor, tears streaming down her cheeks. She said, 'That old man's sitting on the plane, sobbing. Why did you do that? What made you do that?'

I said, 'Do you know Jesus? He can be the bossiest thing!'

And we got to share. I learned something about God that day. He knows if you're exhausted, you're hungry, you're serving in the wrong place or it is time to move on but you feel too responsible to budge. He knows if you're hurting or feeling rejected. He knows if you're sick or drowning under a wave of temptation. Or He knows if you just need your hair brushed. He sees you as an individual. Tell Him your need!

I got on my own flight, sobs choking my throat, wondering how many opportunities just like that one had I missed along the way . . all because I didn't want people to think I was strange. God didn't send me to that old man. He sent that old man to me.

John 1:14 'The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.'

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting,'Wow! What a ride! Thank You, Lord!'

If your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light........ Mt. 6:22

By God's grace I am what I am..... 1 Corinthians 15:10

Satisfaction versus Gratification

"The Real Me" by Natalie Grant

I heard this song on the radio the other day and it blew me away!

But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Oh,Cause you see the real me
Wonderful, beautiful is what you see
When you look at me
You're turning the tattered fabric of my life into
A perfect tapestry

Well, here's a glimpse of my "real me"....long winded as always! I guess these ramblings help me gather my thoughts together.

TW chapter 26 digs into the differences between satisfaction and gratification.

Satisfaction “can be applied to a heart that has been sustained or a need that has been fulfilled by God's provisions.” TW pg278 Under the canopy of God's grace, on the path of provision, we will experience satisfaction. It will produce authenticity, worship and praise, peace, power and pardon and a mature walk with God. TW pg 280

Gratification “describes temporary or immediate pleasure.” TW pg 278 When I live life my own way (my plan, my will, my flesh, my control), on the path of my performance, I will yo-yo between legalism and license. This produces false-self, self-preoccupation, no peace, power & pardon and an immature walk with God. TW pg280

These verses struck a chord:

“I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 2:10-11

I have been working through a study of the life of David by Beth Moore and today's lesson really brought it all together for me. Based on just a few short verses in 2 Samuel: 11:1-5, Beth reflected on the reasons the “man after God's own heart”, David, fell into sin, committing adultery with Bathsheba.

“One evening David got up from his bed and strolled around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing—a very beautiful woman.” 2 Sam. 11:2

“Few things frighten me more than this testimony of David's life. We too could be persons of character and integrity and, without apparent warning, destroy our ministeries and ourselves through the choice to gratify our sudden lusts. Like David, a few short verses could record the story of our downfall.” pg 258 “David: 90 days with a Heart like His” by Beth Moore

Beth asks:

Where are your rooftops? In what places or situations do you find yourself most likely to slip into bad habits? Why does the enemy find these locations so ripe for picking on us? What does our sinful flesh like about these spots?

I've been experiencing such joy and satisfaction in the Lord the last few months...and also experiencing much victory over the sin of greed and gluttony, releasing many pounds. Praise God!!!

Yet the last few days I feel like I've been on David's rooftop... I've sure struggled to continue practising his presence and surrendering fully to him lately. One of my “rooftops” is definitely tiredness. I know that at these moments I can fall into sin—eating outside 0-5, emotions that often get misdirected at my family, and general lack of self-control. I know that I'm not being watchful and prayerful at these moments. It takes energy to battle the flesh and my energy is low when I'm tired. I'm open for attack.

My reading of TW chapter 27 drove home this same point for me today as well...

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

“When we are weary, we are vulnerable—vulnerable to flesh-filled eating, vulnerable to focussing on performance instead of God's provision, and vulnerable to turning to temporary gratification rather than to the true life-sustaining satisfaction found only in Him.” TW pg 287

The weariness I've been experiencing lately has been partially physically exhausted moments, but also weariness in doing “good”, making the right choices. I am not being watchful and prayerful as Jesus commands. I am not looking for the way out that God provides. I also have not been taking as much time to really dig into His word and practice his presence.

I need to see each temptation as a learning experience, an opportunity to make the right choice, to live a life pleasing to God. I need to become a slave to righteousness. (Romans 6:19). When I choose to live under the canopy of God's grace, on the path of His provision, each of these choices affords me the opportunity to be authentic, to worship and praise the Lord, to experience His peace, power and pardon and for my faith to deepen and mature.

Central to living on the path of His provision is time spent with Him, soaking up His word, in constant prayerful communion with my Heavenly Father.

One last quote that drives home the reason I need to make the most of each opportunity to do the right thing...

“What does it mean to 'fear God'? A biblical fear of the Lord is an awe that calls us to authentic worship. It is a healthy, accurate view of God that sees the Lord as He is, high and exalted, and ourselves as humble and dependent. When we cease relating to God as our 'buddy', as a God of convenience, and when we esteem Him in His rightful place of honor, we humbly surrender ourselves and our choices to Him. We no longer view His grace simply as 'a terrific deal' to cover all our sin (which it does), but we see it as a power that sustains our obedient choices, causing us to will and to do according to His good pleasure. This mature walk with the Lord refuses to diminish the awesomeness of God, but allows Him to be Lord in all ways, with tenderness and compassion, justice, holiness and truth.” TW pg 282

Today I choose to make the most of every opportunity to do the good that I know I ought to do (James 4:17) I choose to fix my eyes on Him, to live in His awesome presence moment by moment, humbling myself before Him.

“Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.” Phil 2:12-13

Dear Lord, I desire to do your will. I know I've let my guard down. I've allowed a hole in the wall of this “great project” to be open to the enemy's attack. As I grow weary of doing the good I know I ought to do, I have let sin entangle me and hinder me. Please help me not be mastered by sin, but rather be a slave to righteousness. As I fix my eyes on you, as I develop a biblical “fear” of You, I see the shallowness and absurdity of gratifying the fleshly desires. Why would I ever want to invest in these desires and things that are “meaningless” when I can experience your life-sustaining constant peace, power, presence and pardon that brings real joy and satisfaction. Today I choose to be watchful and prayerful. Thank you for seeing "the real me", for "turning the tattered fabric of my life into a tapestry." In Jesus name, Amen.

Jogging, Wind & Persevering

(Not me in this picture btw--just found it online, thought it was fitting for this post!)

As a child I believed I was a complete failure at running. I hated running or relay races, even baseball…probably largely because of the pressure of others watching me run in these races…and knowing I’d inevitably be the slowest!

Well a few years ago I decided to give running a try again. I started running 1 km and then eventually began frequently running 2 km (with some walking breaks of course!). I discovered I wasn’t a complete failure at running after all! It was really my beliefs about myself that were setting me up for failure. What a joy it was to discover I could do it after all!

This spring I decided to push myself a little further and began running 3 km. I didn’t find it that crazy difficult so yesterday I decided to try a 4 km run….and managed to do it without much difficulty! Woohoo! Maybe I’ll work my way towards doing a half marathon next spring…we’ll see!

I’m guessing some lessons could be gleaned simply from that little rambling…about how we need to look at what we believe….and what we believe should be grounded in God’s truth. Just like the story of the eagle who believed he was a chicken!

However that’s not why I’m rambling about jogging! When I went jogging the other day it was like the wind was my helper on the first stretch of my run. However when I turned around to run back I discovered it was pretty challenging to run into that wind and keep pressing forward! In that moment I knew God was teaching me a lesson.

Sometimes on this “thin within” journey it seems like I have smooth sailing, the wind pushes me forward. God's presence is very real to me. 0-5 eating seems pretty straightforward with no real challenges that seem insurmountable. I feel like I’m in the “zone”. And weight seems to melt off my body.

At other times I feel like everything is a challenge. I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle (and not the kind of “losing” that I want!). I stray from 0-5 eating very easily. I struggle to experience God’s strength at these times. I feel like a failure at these times. Yet, I know I must keep pressing on…I have to get home after all! I know that God is with me through all the ups and the downs of this journey. He is teaching me things through both the "easy" and the "hard" times. I know I've quoted this verse many times, but it touches me every time I read it:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

And then of course this verse also encourages "pressing on"...

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Phil 3:14

I think the reason this hit me was that right now I’m feeling like I’m running into the wind, struggling to keep pressing on. I have not been living my life fully surrendered to the Lord (particularly with eating) the past few days. I don’t like having to admit this! But it’s true! I don’t know why I’m having such trouble.

Why am I willing to walk away from this “great project” that the Lord is working in my life?

Why am I eating past full?

Why am I not spending enough time focussing on God, his constant presence and his plans for me?

Why am I not relying on God when he promises to equip me and strengthen me?

Why am I hard hearted, hardly caring that I am making choices that are displeasing to God?

Why does it not make me feel truly sorrowful?

My heart is heavy as I ponder these questions...

Oh Father God, I want to have a soft, tender heart. I want to live a life pleasing to you. I want to glorify you in all I say and do. Please forgive my rebellious heart. Help me walk the path of your provision once again. I look to you for grace, mercy and strength at this time, with the assurance that you are indeed working through these times to make me mature and complete, not lacking anything. In Jesus name, Amen.