Friends On Board

I'm excited because a couple friends from church are interested in joining me for the journey through Thin Within this time round! Woohoo! I haven't had any in-person TW journey companions as of yet, so this is a big encouragement for me! Praise God!

In response to "What Do *YOU* Want?"

As I prepare to once again dive into the "Thin Within" book and join Heidi and many others on the journey, here are some questions that Heidi presented today:

What DO you want? What ARE you willing to do to get it? How willing are you to experience a process that looks very different from what you expect...? Even if it is ugly? :-)

What do I want?

What I want this time round from a physical standpoint...is to relax into the rhythm of my body's natural God-given cues and signals. I just want to go with the flow and for this way of approaching my health to become second nature.

I also plan on staying away from the scale (with the exception of possibly the doctor's office mid June). I hope to keep the focus away from the number on the scale and more on this becoming my way of life, through all the ups and downs. I don't want my success or failure measured by a number on a scale. I want to move more and more (as I already have been for the past year) toward stepping back and simply observing and correcting, and lining the walls of my mind with truth which I pray spurs me on to action.

My approach has been quite impacted by "The Lord's Table" study. So, in combination with TW and TLT (and throw in a little `Freedom from Emotional Eating`and `Breaking Free`) I would say my main goals and objectives, which I hope to have cemented further as I study TW this time round are:

#1. Soul Satisfaction

I want the Lord to be my satisfaction, to fill all the empty places of my heart and life, to draw close to Him, to be intimate with Him, to abide with Him, to be changed by Him, to be transformed more and more into His image.

#2. Transformed by the renewing of my mind.
I desire for truth to line the walls of my mind. I desire to take my thoughts captive and make obedient to Christ.

#3. 0-5 Eating

I hope for conscious eating to become more ingrained in me as I study TW once again. I desire for it to flow naturally and become second nature. And I intend on these boundaries being my primary measure of `success`or being `on track`rather then the man-made scale.

#4. Physical Exercise
I also desire to keep my body moving. No big expectations. But simply a few times a week getting some intentional movement in....20 minutes 3-4x a week is usually my aim.

What am I willing to do to get it?

I know God has already been working in my heart and life in this area for the past few months. I put away the scale at the end of April and feel that I finally have moved to a new phase of my journey where the scale can be retired. Praise God! I've been yo-yoing back and forth with this one for nearly a year!

I am committed to reading the TW book in sync with the blogger community "group."

I am firmly committed to accountability (specifically in regards to those four points up above). I will be accountable primarily to a smaller group forum that I'm part of where I post a daily check in. This blog will also serve (as it has in the past) as a form of accountability for me.

How willing are you to experience a process that looks very different from what you expect...? Even if it is ugly? :-)

I'm definitely willing and ready! Lord, change me! Please!

Specifically...HOW? Well I guess I mainly feel I will just hang on and abide with the Lord! I know there will be plenty of ups and downs with this journey but I intend to continue hanging on for the ride! I believe "perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:4) And I continue to hold tightly to the God's rainbow promises to me:

"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil. 1:6

Ultimately I think what may be the most important question may be WHAT DOES GOD WANT? And I believe the answer is that He wants my heart, all of my heart. I posted Beth Moore`s hairbrush story awhile back and was just re-reading it today and here is a quote that stuck out to me:

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting,'Wow! What a ride! Thank You, Lord!'

What an image! And what an adventure this journey continues to be! So many ups and downs and in-betweens. My one desire is for there to be more of Him in my life and less of me. May He increase and I decrease. Amen.

Thin Within Summer Study

Anyone interested? For more info read what Heidi posted here.

Flowing

Once again, praise God for victory steps He has granted me. This month has been going the best yet (in regards to eating/exercise) since probably about October. Knowing the scale is gone from my life is very freeing. Surrender to the Lord in regards to eating/exercise is flowing. And I can also see surrender to the Lord in other areas beginning to once again be stimulated. I feel like I've gone through a dry spell, spiritually speaking, for the past 1.5 months. Nothing like dry spells I went through in past years, but in comparision to the hunger/thirst for God that I have experienced this past year (in particular January-March'09) this past 1.5 months I have felt a bit complacent in my quiet time with the Lord, in memorizing scripture, in prayer, even in outreach and ministry. I feel God fanning the flame once again.

Posts now labelled

Just wanted to highlight that I added the label gadget to my blog. If you go to the right hand column and scroll down you'll notice the "Quick Reference" section with a long list of topics. I figured someone may find it helpful. At the very least it was certainly helpful for myself as I reviewed all my posts and now have a way of finding posts on specific topics.

Dear Women...

And yes, I am directing that to every single woman...

My heart aches for those who struggle with this day. For those who long to be mothers but have never been able to have children for various reasons. For those whose mothers have passed away and really miss them on this day. For those who never had a mother who cared. For those whose children do not honor them.

So, here is what I feel God laying on my heart to say...

I think it is fair to say that stereotypically, and usually in reality, women can be characterized as "nurturers." As women most of us generally "feel" things in a way that is unique to our gender. And many of our "feelings" move us to care for others in unique and beautiful loving, often "nuturing," ways.

So, which women have nurtured and cared for you throughout your lifetime?

Who have your poured your life into?

Who have you cared for?

Many of us have had the privilege of being biological (or even adoptive) mothers, bearing children and caring for them and raising them. What a beautiful (and santifying!) experience this can be.

All of us have had our own biological or adoptive mother. For some this may bring up painful memories. For others sweet thoughts.

And I'd like to push this one step further. As christian women (and men of course) we have all been given the command to love others and to share Jesus with the world. Each time we plant seeds into tender hearts we are nurturing and caring as a spiritual mother. Some people we may only have the privilege of planting a seed or two. Sometimes we are called to water the growing seed. Sometimes we have the amazing privilege of harvesting the seed of the gospel in people's lives, leading them to surrender their lives to the Lord and discipling them. For some we may truly empty ourselves out for the sake of.

I think it is fair to say many many Christian women, though they have no biological children, are spiritual mothers.

My heart spills over with joy and gratitude for each of you who pours out your life for others. Thank you for giving. Thank you for breathing life into other's lives. Thank you for caring and nurturing those around you. Thank you for planting, watering and harvesting the spiritual seed in others lives! Thank you for being YOU!

Taking the well known Proverbs 31 passage, which presents such a challenging example of a wife and mother, let me share this reminder to my sisters in Christ...

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30

Let us continue serving the Lord, nurturing tender hearts...

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9

I am blown away by the blessing God has bestowed on us to be able to be His instrument, to be used for His glory!

Freedom

As I reflect on the past week, since I decided to throw out the scale, I am amazed at the difference it has already made!
I feel FREE...free not only from the condemnation/shame that comes attached to the number on the scale...but also free to succeed. I'm not sure that makes any sense!

Somehow I'm finding that each moment COUNTS with this approach...in a grace-filled, God focussed kind of way...not out of guilt or shame or anxiety about paying for slip ups when I step on the scale.

I don't feel anxiety. I feel peace.

I don't feel shame. I feel healthy and strong.

I don't feel out of control. I feel myself leaning on the Lord, in constant conversation with God asking for His empowerment and direction.

I have been longing to just meet my body's sustenance needs, not going past satisfaction or overindulging. And strangely enough I think I finally feel free to begin to start cutting back portions a little! What a crazy, twisted perspective, isn't it?! Of course I was always free before, but somehow, if I was to be honest and dig deep, I felt resentful about it. I think I'm ready to come at it from a healthy perspective, not feeling put in a corner.

Lord, thank you for this past week. Help me glorify you with my body. Help me be satisfied and content with simply meeting my body's needs. Thank you for freedom! Amen.

Challenge #9 ~ The First Meal of the Rest of Your Life

I think this exercise (as outlined on pg 154-155 of Thin Within) provides a great opportunity to put the eight keys of conscious eating into practice. My challenge this week will be to apply this exercise. Anyone else care to join this week's challenge? Keep me posted if you do!

First of all before you even start, try to set up the right environment (maybe china, music, flowers, special lighting, a favorite spot etc.), making sure it is a calm environment and reducing distractions. The book recommends that "it is best to eat this meal with the Lord as you only companion, although you may have someone with you if that person toally supports your desire to be conscious of your food and the Lord." Remember, "the main purpose of this experience is to taste and see that Lord is good."

Last June I typed up a summary of this exercise along with some quick point reminders.

1.) PRAY
"Ask God to help you honor the body He has given you by maintaining the appropriate boundaries, including time and place. Reaffirm your love for Him and your desire to enjoy the food He has provided."

2.) COMFY
"Select your favorite spot and wear clothes in which you are comfortable."

3.) #0
"Check your hunger level. Plan to be at a 0 so that you can truly enjoy the food."

4.) ENTER GOD'S PRESENCE
"Take a moment to enter into God's presence as you invite Him to be a part of your dining experience."

5.) NOTE ENVIRONMENT
"Notice everything about the environment. No matter how familiar it may be, look at it as if you have never seen it before. Thank the Lrod for all of His provisions."

6.) NOTE FOOD
"Before you start eating, become aware of every item of food. Notice how it looks on the plate. Express your gratitude for the beauty in teh colors of the food and its fragrance. Before taking your first bite, take a moment to thank God for His generous provisions, and pray that the food would bring physical satisfactiona nd health to your body."

7.) SAVOUR
"Chew the food slowly and notice the different flavours and textures."

8.) SAMPLE
"Sample each item and then ask yourself it it was enjoyable. Does it really delight you? Or did you just think it would?"

9.) RATE
"How would you rate each item on your plate from 0 to 10 (0 being awful and 10 being terrific)?"

10.) #5
"Before you continue eating, check in with your hunger #'s. Stop eating when you're at a comfortable 5. Remember, your empty stomach is only as large as your fist."

11.) THANK GOD
"When you've finished, once again thank and praise God, for this time and for what you have learned during the dining experience."

Throwing out the Scale!

Okay, maybe not literally as my husband still uses the scale quite frequently. So I am throwing out the scale figuratively.

However, I think I'm ready to set it aside....forever! *gasp* Yes, I said FOREVER! I'm not sure if I'm just on one of my rollercoaster rides again! And I'm not 100% sure if I'm being motivated by denial...not wanting to see the # on the scale. I don't *think* I am...but it could certainly be one of the feelings in the whole mix.

I thought the month of March was just amazing. I went with the flow of 0-5 eating. I had my slipups, but didn't pull out the club of condemnation much at all. I was active. I felt beautiful. I was finding great satisfaction in the Lord, filling up on Him. I was actually quite shocked when I saw my weight had climbed a bit.

I stepped on the scale a number of times for the month of April....and noticed that my weight fluctuated, mostly settlling below that shocker # that I saw after my month without the scale. But I noticed that my eating slipped and slided a lot more. I also noticed that the club of condemnation was pulled out more. And I noticed how the way I viewed myself was quite affected by the # I read on the scale.

I preferred how the month of March went. I appreciated the "flow." I don't know if that makes sense. I realize that no one notices the difference that 5 lbs makes on my body (10lbs yes, but 5 lbs no). Therefore, when I start to feel fat and blobby and ugly simply because of those fluctuating 5lbs it begins to work against me and sends me spiralling more out of control.

This morning I was hit with an old realization in a fresh way...

I want my focus to be on getting rid of GREED (for God's glory) not getting SKINNY (for my glory).

I felt like I was suddenly released from unrealistic expectations of myself. All these years I've been aiming to hit that 147lb mark that I was prior to kids...and I keep failing to meet that mark. But I want eating 0-5 to be part of the very fabric of my life, an internal motivation, not an external motivation.

In order for me to remain intentional, I know that I really need to continue filling out my eating and exercise log each and every day. This is my way of being honest with myself and also documenting any patterns that may be developping. I also will continue observing/correcting and truth journaling. Once again this is about being intentional and being transformed from the inside.

What does this look like in the long run? Will I gain weight? Will I lose weight? I don't know! And I actually am pretty much at a point where I don't care!!!! (I can't believe I actually wrote that!)

What I DO care about is being obedient to the Lord, finding soul satisfaction in Him alone, filling up on Him, daily following my God-given hunger/fullness signals, aiming to be as conscious and present with my eating as possible, aiming to fill my body with whole-body pleasers more than teasers and staying active. That's the stuff I care about!!!

I'll let you know if this approach sticks. I think I've been journeying to this point for quite some time now...and may finally be ready for this step!