Throwing out the Scale!

Okay, maybe not literally as my husband still uses the scale quite frequently. So I am throwing out the scale figuratively.

However, I think I'm ready to set it aside....forever! *gasp* Yes, I said FOREVER! I'm not sure if I'm just on one of my rollercoaster rides again! And I'm not 100% sure if I'm being motivated by denial...not wanting to see the # on the scale. I don't *think* I am...but it could certainly be one of the feelings in the whole mix.

I thought the month of March was just amazing. I went with the flow of 0-5 eating. I had my slipups, but didn't pull out the club of condemnation much at all. I was active. I felt beautiful. I was finding great satisfaction in the Lord, filling up on Him. I was actually quite shocked when I saw my weight had climbed a bit.

I stepped on the scale a number of times for the month of April....and noticed that my weight fluctuated, mostly settlling below that shocker # that I saw after my month without the scale. But I noticed that my eating slipped and slided a lot more. I also noticed that the club of condemnation was pulled out more. And I noticed how the way I viewed myself was quite affected by the # I read on the scale.

I preferred how the month of March went. I appreciated the "flow." I don't know if that makes sense. I realize that no one notices the difference that 5 lbs makes on my body (10lbs yes, but 5 lbs no). Therefore, when I start to feel fat and blobby and ugly simply because of those fluctuating 5lbs it begins to work against me and sends me spiralling more out of control.

This morning I was hit with an old realization in a fresh way...

I want my focus to be on getting rid of GREED (for God's glory) not getting SKINNY (for my glory).

I felt like I was suddenly released from unrealistic expectations of myself. All these years I've been aiming to hit that 147lb mark that I was prior to kids...and I keep failing to meet that mark. But I want eating 0-5 to be part of the very fabric of my life, an internal motivation, not an external motivation.

In order for me to remain intentional, I know that I really need to continue filling out my eating and exercise log each and every day. This is my way of being honest with myself and also documenting any patterns that may be developping. I also will continue observing/correcting and truth journaling. Once again this is about being intentional and being transformed from the inside.

What does this look like in the long run? Will I gain weight? Will I lose weight? I don't know! And I actually am pretty much at a point where I don't care!!!! (I can't believe I actually wrote that!)

What I DO care about is being obedient to the Lord, finding soul satisfaction in Him alone, filling up on Him, daily following my God-given hunger/fullness signals, aiming to be as conscious and present with my eating as possible, aiming to fill my body with whole-body pleasers more than teasers and staying active. That's the stuff I care about!!!

I'll let you know if this approach sticks. I think I've been journeying to this point for quite some time now...and may finally be ready for this step!

Weigh-In Day

I REALLY don't feel like posting this post....but I know this is part of the journey and I won't shie away from being transparent about it.

So yesterday was weigh-in day. I stepped on the scale after staying away from it since February 20th. Oh how quickly I pulled out the club of condemnation as the scale read I’m up another 3 pounds since I last weighed. That means I’m up 10 pounds since September 2008 – from 149 to 159 pounds. Ugh.

All sorts of thoughts swirled through my head. Of course the big one being that I somehow think I NEED the scale to maintain/lose weight… Another thought that ran through my head was “This 0-5 eating doesn’t work to lose weight!” (which I know flat out is a lie, since it HAS "worked" for me and many others!). I rarely go there with my thoughts, but I have to admit I went there yesterday! Then there were the other familiar thoughts: failure, the past repeating itself, defeat. It feels like the story of my past few years. I’d lose weight. Gain it back plus some. Lose weight. Gain it back plus some. And on it went. I don’t want to continue yo-yoing like this. I feel tired of this battle.

Right now, thinking of myself as 159lbs (keeping in mind that this is on my scale...the doctor's scale would probably add another couple pounds to that #....making me well outside my BMI again *sigh*)... Back on topic, thinking of myself as 159 lbs makes me feel very unattractive and fat. I could actually feel the “blobbiness” descend on me like a cloak, immediately after the weigh in. What on earth is up with that?! Prior to stepping on the scale I felt strong, healthy, slim, empowered. Stepping on the scale and seeing this # is certainly a wake-up call. One I perhaps needed. But at the same time, the thought of living in the shadow of this piece of metal’s “judgement” of me just doesn’t appeal to me any longer.

As I reflect on the past month, I have to admit that I absolutely relished the past 1+ months, living free of the scale. Eating 0-5 seemed to flow fairly naturally every single day, at basically every meal. It was a beautiful thing to experience. I kept careful track of my hunger #’s and food eaten. I can see habits changed. I can see heart changes. One of the most beautiful things about tracking this way was that I would sometimes feel the club of condemnation pulled out for slip-ups…but rarely would I feel “fat” or “ugly” or “unattractive” when exclusively using the 0-5 scale. I simply observed, corrected, and saw each slip up as a potential learning experience to grow further surrendered to the Lord.

One of my first responses was thinking that I needed to step on the scale daily once again. Track it. Mark it down. And in all honesty, stepping on the scale daily has a positive aspect. I have no clue if my weight today was a “blip” in a string of on-track weigh-ins…or was it a true reflection of my past month’s struggle/victory steps? I really have no clue. That bugs me. That is probably one of the only positives for a daily weigh-in. I see the fluctuations and don’t get as “thrown” off when I see a higher # occasionally.

My other response, which I believe is a true conviction from the Lord, is to cut out desserts for the next month. I think this is where the real slip-up has happened in the past couple months. The “love” of sugar has its tentacles gripping my heart. And it is time to be set free from that, no longer mastered by anything but Christ. I have noticed that this is definitely the biggest struggle I have with staying on track 0-5. I think my dessert consumption has resulted in me stretching my hunger #’s. The thought of bypassing the dessert after dinner, when I’m at a clear #5, hardly enters my mind. I’m greedy for that sugar. I’m longing for that treat. It’s what I’ve been waiting for all day long. Honestly, that’s the truth. That is the sin hiding away in the secret place of my heart.

I contemplated what it would look like to cut out desserts for the month in conjunction with stepping on the scale daily… And I have to say this is where I have changed. It was like a light bulb went off in my head…or maybe my heart. I don’t want to step near that piece of metal. I don’t want to feel “righteous” if my weight goes down. I don’t want to feel “fat” when my weight goes up. I just want to go with the flow, walking in step with the Spirit. I want to simply focus on obedience and surrender to the Lord.

So, that is where I’m going to track. I feel the Lord calling me to greater obedience, less focus on the # on the scale, more focus on Him. I know it is going to be tough cutting out desserts for the next month (although I will make exceptions in social situations if it is within 0-5 as I generally don’t struggle with moderation in those situations). I know that it is time to move into a “discernment” phase. I have seen very clearly how much of a stronghold sugar has in my life. And I need the Lord to set me free. I need to be able to see that the LORD is my portion. He satisfies…even more then sugar!

How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! Psalm 119:103

I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread. Job 23:12

God calls me to so much more than simply being consumed with weight and the number on the scale. He wants my heart…ALL OF IT!

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. Mark 12:30

And I want Him to have all of me! I have seen how God has used this weight surrender struggle to draw me into a deep and intimate relationship with Him. I have had an insatiable appetite and hunger and thirst for the Lord and his word the past few months, unlike I've ever experienced before. I praise God for that! I don’t simply want to travel this journey to end up self-controlled and disciplined…I want it to be about so much more than that. I want His glory to spill over and out through me with the fruits of the spirit so evident - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

May my life be a fragrant offering to you, my Lord. Mould me. Use me. Change me. Renew me. Transform me more into your image. May I reflect your glory more and more each and every day, and become pure as gold through these tests. Amen.

Challenge #4 ~ Sit!

Well, three weeks have whizzed by! I am finding myself certainly very aware of #0. Being willing to stop at #5 can still be an issue for me. I still have some greedy weeds in the soil of my heart. Reducing distractions was a challenge for me this past week. I'm not sure I entirely succeeded in reducing distractions...but I think that this week's conscious eating key will help me reduce distractions...at least if I sit at the dining room table (or couch as I often do)! Sitting at the computer or TV doesn't quite seem quite as helpful and effective!

So, here is a quick recap of this conscious eating key, as described in the Thin Within Book (on pg 9).

Eating When Sitting Down

Americans are famous for eating on the run, and much of our unconscious or mindless eating is done while driving. If you eat on the run or while standing at the kitchen counter, you aren't fully focused on the food or enjoying present-time eating. When this happens, you may hear yourself saying, "I haven't had a thing to eat all day."

We will encourage you throughout these thirty days to remain in the present moment and to relish it for hte pleasure it brings. If you sit down and take time to focus on giving your body the fuel it needs, your mind will record the fact that you have eaten. Often, in our hurry-on-the-go lifestyles, we charge ahead and our hearts and minds feel as if they haven't been refreshed. [And then he said,] "Refresh yourself with something to eat; then you can go." So the two of them sat down to eat and drink together (Judges 19:5-6).

I tend to do a lot of snacking at the counter during dinner preparations, grabbing a little bite of this or that. I'm going to try to stop this habit. I am going to make it my goal to ensure each and every bite that goes into my mouth is done while sitting (preferably at the dining room table). Anyone else joining me? Anyone else have any thoughts or feedback?

Excuses

I have been feeling a little discouraged lately with regards to my eating. I often want to make excuses....

• It's hard around my birthday and valentines day.
• It's hard around halloween.
• It's hard around christmas.
• It's hard during summer vacation and travelling.

Oh the list could go on and on and on, couldn't it!!! It's never easy! It's hard to stay within 0-5 eating boudaries, especially for a full day! But oh so rewarding when we persevere!

I've been struggling, in particular since halloween I'd say. It felt like a slippery slope that I just kept sliding and sliding down and down and down into the muck and mire!

Today didn't start off fabulous in regards to eating. In fact I felt on the greedy side as I took a second scone at our ladies bible study meeting. I had missed breakfast as I knew my friend was bringing these scones especially as a treat to celebrate my bday.... Yet another excuse, isn't it! I didn't eat past #5, but know that I could easily have been content and satisfied with simply one.

However midafternoon I felt wonderfully hungry! Yes, WONDERFULLY hungry! I love that feeling...at least when I know that it is within my "control" to eat something! I probably wouldn't like or relish that feeling if I had been deprived of food. But for me hunger is getting in tune with my body's needs.

I was on the phone with a friend, so I postponed eating for about an hour. Then I wasn't sure when to eat...wait for supper or have a little snack???

I decided to spend some time feeding on God's word and praying first. Now, that was a step in the right direction for me. Praise God!!! He certainly met me there. Oh how I long to do that more often!

Then I moved into eating an early supper. I relished and savoured that meal. Thanks, Lord!

So, why on earth do I CONSTANTLY make excuses??? It drives me nuts!! Imagine how God feels...

I guess, if I look at it from the perspective of dying to self I can say that DEATH IS PAINFUL. It hurts to cut lose all the sinful habits that I cling to. Yet I cling to the truth that Christ lives in me. He doesn't leave me to wallow in the pain of death...but rather brings me life, hope and future!

For...."I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20

So I fix my eyes and continue to focus on the Lord with the desire for more of Him and less of me... I long to delight in the law of the Lord and meditate on it day and night. I desire to be a tree of righteousness, planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. (Ps. 1:1-3) And I continue taking one step at a time...

I will remember the truth that the ONE who lives inside of me is GREATER than the one who is in this world (1 John 4:4)

I'M NOT GIVING UP!

For I know that God hasn't given up on me!

Thanks, Lord!

Thoughts Captive to Christ

Here is a continuation or maybe even better yet, a completion, of what I had set out to do here and here.

I'll think for now I'll just tackle the main triggers for overeating (in TW terminology "fat/flesh machinery") that come to mind...

1. More is better.

This is a common thought I have as I shovel in more and more and more of my favorite foods. I'm particularily vulnerable when I'm tired or when I'm eating something very sugary and sweet. Does it satisfy me more?

God says I am to be content with my portion.

LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. Psalm 16:5-6

He meets my needs and has set pleasant boundaries in my life which lead to a delightful inheritance. I'm not sure that I'm interpretting these in the most theologically sound way! However, I appreciate these verses tremendously as I need to remember that 0-5 boundaries are pleasant! They are natural! They allow me to fix my eyes on Christ rather then on rules and regulation and FOOD! But I must be content with my portion! And the delightful inheritance is truly finding my greatest satisfaction in Christ and the icing on the cake is that I won't be carrying around excess weight if I'm truly content with my portion and the pleasant boundaries.


2. I can't resist!

When that homeade bread, cinnamon buns, chocolate bar, ice cream is staring me in the face...I often feel like I just can't resist! Yet God says provides a way out!

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful;
he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

3. It just taste SOOOO good, I want more!

I may taste very very delicious but God satisfies ever so much more!

Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. Psalm 34:8

And the only thing that eating past satisfaction brings is shame and guilt and excess weight!


4. Just this one time!

This is my usual rationalizing at it's best (or worst!).

God says in the bible,

...sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it." Genesis 4:7

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8

...and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:27

That's just snapshot of some of the thoughts that try to gain entry into my mind with regards to the temptation to eat outside hunger and satisfaction. I continue to look into the mirror of God's Word for truth to hold up in the face of Satan's lies and temptations.

The Lord's Table~Day 49 to 54

It's hard to believe that I'm nearing the end of TLT study! It's been such an awesome journey! I highly recommend the workbook to anyone and everyone....though am not too comfortable advocating the eating/exercise expectations that they line up for the 60 days. Ultimately the goal of the book is for everyone to essentially be a 0-5 eater (in TW terminology), no longer being gluttonous and greedy for food, but rather just eating when hungry and stopping when satisfied. The strong point of this book is it's incredible studies that point the reader straight to filling up on God's Word. I really and truly didn't expect to learn and grow the way I have! So, PRAISE GOD!

So here's my latest summary of my readings.


Day 49~How To Feast at the Lord's Table

This lesson had such a great overview of George Mueller's approach to reading God's word and prayer. Mr. Mueller used to start his mornings in prayer, but then he began to change his approach. Here's a snapshot glance of what Mr. Mueller was writing about:

The first thing I did, after having asked in a few words the Lord's blessing upon His precious Word, was to begin to meditate on the Word of God; searching, as it were, into every verse, to get blessing out of it; not for the sake of the public ministry of the Word; not for the sake of preaching on what I had meditated upon; but for the sake of obtaining food for my own soul. The result I have found to be almost invariably this, that after a very few minutes my soul has been led to confession, or to thanksgiving, or to intercession, or to supplication; so that though I did not, as it were, give myself to prayer, but to meditation, yet it turned almost immediately more or less into prayer... It is plain to me as anything, that the first thing the child of God has to do morning by morning is to obtain food for his inner man. TLT workbook pg 157-158

I thought this was such an interesting perspective. As we read, confession, intercession, thanksgiving and supplication all flow naturally as led by the Lord's word. We are drawn into prayer in the process of reading. I appreciated this perspective.

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Day 50~Be a Doer of the Word

I think I summed up this lesson and my response to it here.


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Day 51~Gluttony and Laziness

Do not be with heavy drinkers of wine, or with gluttonous eaters of meat; for the heavy drinker and the glutton will come to poverty, and drowsiness will clothe one with rags. Prov. 23: 20, 21

I definitely don't struggle with drinking as I don't even drink alcohol. I really don't like the stuff.

Yet I definitely have my ups and downs in struggling with gluttony and laziness. I'm beginning to experience more victory with regards to gluttony. Laziness (lack of exercise) feels like a challenge for me right now. I need to get moving. I still haven't gotten consistent with that. In all honesty it takes some motivation to get moving with the kind of temperatures we have here during the winter! I'm looking forward to spring and jogging again:-) In the meantime I do find skipping rope a reasonable exercise routine for me in the winter months in particular.

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Day 52~Take Every Thought Captive

Of course this is based on 2 Corinthians 10:3-6

This whole concept has been BIG for me over the past couple months as I contemplated what lined the walls of my mind. I'd say TW was my introduction to really and truly examining my thoughts and beliefs more closely and getting into the practice and discipline of lining up with God's Word. Breaking Free touched on that further. And then this TLT study has further pushed me to use the Bible as my foundation for life.

If I fail to take every thought captive for Christ, *I* would be the one in bondage! But God wants it to be the other way around-the lies of Satan are to bound and taken captive and God's truth replace the lies! How awesome!

Here was a fantastic illustration from Max Lucado that I can't skip posting because it really is very good. It's lengthy, but a very worthwhile read!

...Your heart is a fertile greenhouse ready to produce good fruit. Your mind is the doorway to your heart-the strategic place where you determine which seeds are sown and which seeds are discarded. The Holy Spirit is ready to help you manage and filter the thoughts that try to enter. He can help you guard your heart. He stands with you ont he threshold. A thought approaches, a questionable thought. Do you throw open the door and let it enter? Of course not. You "fight to capture every thought until it acknowledges the authority of Christ" (2 Cor. 10:5 Phillips Translation). You don't leave the door unguarded. You stand equipped with handcuffs and leg irons, ready to capture any thought not fit to enter. For the sake of dicussion, let's say a thought regarding your personal value approaches. With all the cockiness of a neighbourhood bully, the thought swaggers up to the door and says, "You're a loser. All your life you've been a loser. You've blown relationships and jobs and ambitions. you might as well write the word bum on your resume, for that
is what you are."

The ordinary person would throw open the door and let the thought in. Like a seed from a weed, it would find fertile soil and take root and bear thorns of inferiority. The average person would say, "You're right, I'm a bum. Come on in." But as a Christian, you aern't your verage person. You are led by the Spirit. So, rather than let the thought in, you take it captive. You handcuff it and march it down the street to the courthouse where you present the thought before the judgement seat of
Christ.

"'Jesus," this thoughts say, 'I'm a bum and a loser and I'll never amount to anything.' What do you think?" See what you are doing? You are submitting the thought to the authority of Jesus. If Jesus agrees with the thought, then let it in. If not, kick it out. In this case Jesus diagrees.

How do you know if Jesus agrees or disagrees? You open your Bible. What does God think about you? Eph. 2:10 is a good place to check: "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" (NIV). Or how about Romans 8:1: "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"? Obviously any thought that says you are inferior or insignificant does not pass the test-and does not gain entrance. you have the right to give the bully a firm kick in the pants and watch him run.

Let's take another example. The first thought was a bully; this next thougth is a groupie. She comes not to tell you how bad you are, but how good you are. She rushes to the doorway and gushes, "You are so good. You are so wonderful. The world is so lucky to have you," and on and on the groupie grovels.

Typically this is the type of thought you'd welcome. But you don't do things the typical way. You guard your heart. You walk in the Spirit. And you take every thought captive. So once again you go to Jesus. You submit this thought to the authority of Christ. As you unsheathe the sword of the Spirit, his Word, you learn that pride doesn't please God.

"Don't cherish exaggerated ideas of yourself or your importance" (romans 12:3 Phillips). "The cross of our Lord Jesus Christ is my only reason for bragging" (Gal. 6:14). As much as you'd like to welceom this thought of conceit into the greenhouse, you can't. You only allow what Christ allows.

One more example. This time the thought is not one of criticsm or flattery but one of temptation. If you're a fellow the thought is dressed in flashy red. If you're a female, the thought is the hunk you've always wanted. There is the brush of the hand, the fragrance in teh air, and invitation. "Come on, it's all right. We're consenting
adults."

What do you do? Wel, if you aren't under the authority of Christ, you throw open the door. But if you have the mind of Christ, you step back and say, "Not so fast. You'll have to get permission from big brother." So you take this teamy act before Jesus and ask, "Yes or no?" nowhere does he answer more clearly than in 1 Cor. 6 and 7: "we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids committment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than every... Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly--but only within a certain context. It's good for a man to have a wife, and for
a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them" (6:18; 7:1-2, MSG). Now armed with opinion of Christ and the sword of the Spirit, what do you do? Well, if the tempter is not your spouse, close the door. If the invitation is from your spouse then HUBBA, HUBBA, HUBBA.

The point is this. Guard the doorway of your heart. Submit your thoughts to the authority of Christ. The more selective you are about seeds, the more delighted you will be with the crop. Max Lucado "Just Like Jesus" as quoted in TLT workbook pg 168-169

Isn't that an amazing illustration?! I thought it was a great way of looking at taking each thought captive and making obedient to Christ.

I should finish my homework that I assigned myself way back here... I think I'll put together a whole new post for this.

The next amazing poing that Mike Cleveland pulls out is:

So we reject sinful thoughts, but here is the next step; we must also embrace good and godly thoughts. It's not enough to reject sinful thoughts, we must go on to fill our minds with good things. Notice this passage: "Finally bretheren, whatever i true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things" (Philippians 4:8). TLT workbook pg 169

So, my battle plan for actively thinking on Christ and the things that are good, right, noble and pure is: wake up with God as my alarm clock and spend time in His word and in prayer, read, pray, fellowship, play the piano and sing praise and worship to my Lord, memorize scripture... Those are a few things that came to mind.

So, here's a summary of what this lesson laid out...

1. Take our thoughts captive to Christ.
2. Meditate on what is good and right.
3. Practise these things.

That last step is key. I need to apply and look into the mirror of God's word and not just ignore it, but actually be a doer of His word. I must BE living God's truth and DO His will.


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Day 53~Change Comes Through Seeing Jesus

Basically I must fix my eyes on Jesus. Don't let anything hinder me from doing this. God reveals Himself to me through the Bible, prayer, fellowship, music, books and His creation.

Looking to Jesus has filled me with things that are excellent and praiseworthy. Looking to Jesus has freed me to see who I truly am~sinful and powerless in my flesh. Looking to Jesus has allowed me to humbly depend on Him and His power, to be transformed into His image each day. Looking to Jesus has been realizing that CHRIST LIVES IN ME! That's powerful! I may be a weak and powerless clay vessel, but I have the Greatest Treasure that dwells inside me~Christ Jesus!! That's powerful! Looking to Jesus has equipped, inspired and empowered me. Looking to Jesus has taken my focus off self and deepened my love for God.

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Day 54~Psalm 23 and The Lord's Table

This lesson unpacked this psalm so beautifully. One quote that I really appreciated was, "We are not valley dwellers, but valley walkers." (Karen Wilkinson, TLT workbook pg 176)

I don't think I could ever do justice to this lesson in a snapshot! I just know there is so much meat in this one short passage that I could dwell on for a long time and keep learning from!

Auto-Pilot Mode lined up with God's Truth

Another thought that lines the walls of my mind is...

When I'm in auto pilot mode with overeating or am tempted to eat outside 0-5 I am thinking...


1.) Quick, quick! Do it quickly before you have time to think or second guess. Don't even think about praying right now. Just eat it quick!

Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Prov. 6:27

You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence. Psalm 90:8

For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them. Matthew 13:15

but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. James 1:14-15

Shoving that food into my mouth as quick as I can is like scooping fire into my lap! I'll be burnt! I may be able to keep my overeating a secret from my friends and family...but not from God. No matter how quickly I shove food into my mouth He is always All-Knowing (and as I noted before, my sin grieves Him). May my heart not become calloused and closed. I desire God's healing touch. And once again by allowing my evil desire (thoughts/lies planted in my mind by Satan) to drag me away and entice me (it truly only takes a few split seconds!) I need to remember that this evil desire gives birth to sin. And once again I'm giving the devil a foothold by allowing my sinful desires to give birth to sin.



2.) It tastes so good. More WILL satisfy me more.

If you find honey, eat just enough—too much of it, and you will vomit. Proverbs 25:16

I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it. Psalm 81:10

Taste and see that the LORD is good; Psalm 34:8

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. Psalm 63:5

When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart's delight, for I bear your name, O LORD God Almighty. Jeremiah 15:16

That first verse about honey is great! What a practical wise word! I mean I haven't actually ever vomitted from overeating... However, the whole point of that verse is that we need to adhere to moderation in our eating! Overeating doesn't make my body feel good! That's pretty straight forward! I need to get that through my head...to my taste-buds and down to my stomach! God has so much more in store for me then some extra brownies or a massive bowl of ice cream!!! I've been gathering that from the various studies I've been working through over the past year, in particular The Lord's Table. I'm to feast at His table, on HIM!

3.) I'm at the counter munching. This doesn't really "count."
and

4.) I'm just "extending" my lunch/supper meal a little longer. What's the harm in that?

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8

Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control. Proverbs 25:28

With lack of self-control and vigilance (stopping when I'm satisfied and practicing moderation) my overeating actually allows the enemy an opening in the wall, similar idea as the foothold imagery.

One verse that was hitting me last night as I was reading in Ephesians was:

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

I can't "work" my way out of gluttony...no matter how many LISTS I create!!! (boy do I ever have a lot of those!) It is God's grace that saves me. I need to remember this as I become more "introspective" and examine the walls of my mind. There is no magic formula in recognizing the lies or even coming up with truth statements. What is important is that GOD cleanses, heals, restores, saves and transforms me from the inside out BY THE GIFT OF HIS GRACE! It is so freeing and encouraging to know that it is God's grace that is the KEY!

Thank you Lord for your grace and continued healing. Amen.

Willful Rebellion lined up with God's Truth

Day 14 of Thin Within is called "Choosing to Build on Truth." Here's a quote from Thin Within on pg 148:

The next time you face the pantry, refrigerator, or cookie jar, and you're really not hungry, ask yourself what you believe about your quest to become a vibrant, healthy temple of God. Ask yourself (and the Lord) what actions would follow if you were to believe what God's Word of truth says about you? God has promised to empower you so that your actions reap results that give glory to Him and an abiding joy within.

The Thin Within book has an exercise on pg 148 where you list your belief, what actions follow and then what the results are. I've done this exercise before and found it quite powerful. That being said, it's time to pick apart some of the thoughts that I noticed line the walls of my mind in certain times of temptations and then find scriptures to line up my thinking with the mind of Christ, keeping in mind that I am under the canopy of God's grace. So here goes... When I'm willfully rebellious I am thinking...and Scripture says...


1.) I (SELF) am the most important. My desires are the most important. I want what I want when I want it...and I get what I want.

Jesus replied: “'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Matthew 22:37

For you, O LORD, are the Most High over all the earth; you are exalted far above all gods. Psalm 97:9

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; Proverbs 3:5

everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made. Isaiah 43:7

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

God is above all. I am His creation. My job is to glorify Him in all I do, trusting Him and loving Him with my heart, soul, mind and strength. It is NOT glorifying to Him when I gratify the desires of my flesh.


2.) I've tried calling out to God in the midst of temptation before and it hasn't worked, so why bother trying?

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1
Corinthians 10:13

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; James 1:2-7

Why bother??? Because God promises that perseverance is developped and perseverance must finish its work so that I may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Plus I am being called to press on, forgetting what is behind (all those past failures) so that I may win the prize (eternal life). That's worth it! God promises a way out of temptation, an escape route. I need to keep pressing on and looking for that way out and praying that promise. And then of course there is the truth recalled in the previous point...my greatest purpose in life is to glorify God in all I do.


3.) It will make me feel so much better (to eat that ice cream etc)--more energy, more enjoyment etc.

There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death. Proverbs 14:12

Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more. Eph 4:19

Taste and see that the LORD is good; Psalm 34:8

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. Psalm 63:5

Open wide your mouth and I will fill it. Psalm 81:10

Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Isaiah 55:2

It may make me feel better temporarily, but ultimately I will have a continual lust for more, food will never truly satisfy and it will lead to continued captivity. God promises to satisfy me more then even the richest foods. HE will fill me up.


4.) Just get it done and over with. I can't resist. Why bother?

"everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made." Isaiah 43:7

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Gal. 5:1

and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:27

Why bother??? Because God created me for His glory and I am to glorify Him in ALL I do, even my eating and drinking. Because, once again perseverance must finish its work so that I may be complete and mature spiritually, not lacking anything. God desires me to be FREE, not a captive! "Don't give the devil a foothold!" has been resonating with me today.


5.) God doesn't care about this one time, does He? He'd forgive me anyways, right?

Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Romans 12:9

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Eph 4:30

Of course He cares about this one time! One time piles on top of another time on top of another time which becomes a mountain eventually! God is saddened by my sin. He wants me to hate what is evil and cling to what is good and never give the devil a foothold.


6.) I sin. God forgives. I can count on that!

What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. Romans 6:1-4

What a rotten attitude I have! God forgives me. I certainly can count on that. But it is “greasy grace” to think that this is license to continue sinning with no concern for true repentance. If I love God with my whole heart, soul, mind and strength I will NOT want to grieve Him and I will want to turn to Him to satisfy me and fill me up. I will want to move far away from sin and ever so much closer to Him!



This willful rebellion is just one of the temptation points, triggers (fat/flesh machinery), that I face on a regular basis. My prayer is, "Keep your servant, Christina, also from willful sins; may they not rule over me." (Psalm 19:13)

My next step is to formulate a plan in the midst of willful rebellion.

So, what is my plan of action, breaking a link in the chain??? I guess I need to apply these truths of Scripture to these moments now. It's test time! I need to be a "doer" of God's Word, not just a hearer.

Today I was standing at the counter and was wanting to reach for some sweet treats and the verse that popped into my head was "don't give the devil a foothold." I think that may be one of the truths I will have near and dear to my heart for awhile. Because that is what I'm doing when I give in with those small little temptations. It may seem insignificant and small, but in all honesty, my willful rebellion in those moments are giving a foothold (which I liken to a rung on a ladder) to Satan. And I want no part in that!!!

I plan to get a small spiral bound notebook and write some of the Scriptures that seem most benenficial down on these pages, and attach it to a necklace of some sort so I can wear it around the kitchen! That's when I'm most tempted so I thought that may be a good reminder for me to really apply these truths. I'll get that notebook asap. Just have to get to the store. The first verse I'm going to print out is "and do not give the devil a foothold." I will aim to memorize whichever scriptures are in this little notebook.

And I will also continue watching and praying, putting up that "keep away" sign, saying aloud as Jesus did "Get away Satan, for it is written..." and praying the promises of the Lord.

Well, that's enough from me today. I appologize to those of you who read my blog, for being so long winded. I guess this blog is just my way of processing everything (essentially my journal) and it all spews out here, each and every thought that runs through my head and heart!!!

What lines the walls of my mind?

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Cor. 10:5

This verse is the central portion of scripture that is unpacked in week 9 of the Breaking Free study by Beth Moore. What an INCREDIBLE week of lessons this has been! I hardly know where to begin. But for now, I'll just unpack a few things that God has been unveiling to me in the past couple days.

"Give this next statement your full attention the walls of your mind will never stay bare. Never. Let's face it. Our minds work even when we sleep. Once we tear down lies, we have to re-wallpaper with truth or the enemy will happily supply a new roll of wallpaper. Different pattern maybe--a more updated look--but the same deceptive manufacturer." Breaking Free workbook by Beth Moore pg 195

The walls of my mind never stay bare.

That has been resonating in my mind.

"The question becomes, then, how do we re-wallpaper our minds with truth? First, be understanding the goal. What does God want to accomplish in our minds? We possess the mind of Christ (1 Cor. 2:16), but we still have the full capacity to think with the mind of the flesh. We are MENTALLY BILINGUAL you might say. My older daughter is almost fluent in Spanish, but she still thinks mostly in English because she practices it more. The same concept is true of you and me. We will think with the mental language we practice most." Breaking Free workbook by Beth Moore pg 195

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. Romans 7:21-23

"We will not be free until we adopt the mind of Christ." Breaking Free workbook by Beth Moore pg 195

So, one question that has kept on turning over in my mind over and over again is "Which mental language am I practicing most?"

The truth began to become evident as I began to examine what lines the walls of my mind... I gotta tell you it felt like a HUGE surprise to me, when I got down to the nitty gritty, how many lies and deceptions of the devil I have allowed to line the walls of my mind. I feel led to share what I began to uncover... Welcome to the hidden corners, the secret places, of my mind...

When I'm willfully rebellious I am thinking...

1. I (SELF) am the most important. My desires are the most important. I want what I want when I want it...and I get what I want.
2. I've tried calling out to God in the midst of temptation before and it hasn't worked, so why bother?
3. It will make me feel so much better (to eat that ice cream etc)--more energy, more enjoyment etc.
4. Just get it done and over with. I can't resist. Why bother?
5. God doesn't care about this one time, does He? He'd forgive me anyways, right?
6. I sin. God forgives. I can count on that!

When I'm in auto pilot mode with overeating or am tempted to eat outside 0-5 I am thinking...

1. Quick, quick! Do it quickly before you have time to think or second guess. Don't even think about praying right now. Just eat it quick!
   
2. It tastes so good. More WILL satisfy me more.
3. I'm at the counter munching. This doesn't really "count."
4. I'm just "extending" my lunch/supper meal a little longer. What's the harm in that?

When I'm tired and am tempted to eat I'm thinking...

1. I need a quick pick-me-up.
2. I don't want to battle anything right now. I'm too tired. Just give me food.
   
3. Food will give me energy and give me the pick-me-up I need. Nothing else can fill that spot like food.
4. I'll deal with the guilt tomorrow. New start tomorrow.

When I'm tempted to overeat in social situations I'm thinking...

1. I don't want to insult the hostess by not eating anything (or not cleaning my plate).
2. Eat, eat, eat all the good food. This is your chance!
3. Others are eating more then me, so I am entitled to eat more.

When I'm tempted to taste test something despite not being hungry I'm thinking...

1. I gotta know how it tastes!
2. Everybody does it once in awhile!
3. Just a small bite which of course leads to...
4. Okay, since I started this cookie, I may as well eat the whole cookie. I've already fallen (slipped), why fight the urge?
5. How can I give this away if I don't know how it tastes?
6. It always tastes best when it is fresh. I don't want to miss out on that!

When sugary treats tempt me I'm thinking...

1. More of it will definitely satsify me more!
2. I can't go without something sweet in the day.
3. I NEED dessert after supper...and LOTS of it since I was "good" all day!
4. I can't resist. It feels magnetic.
5. I don't want to give this up to God. This is my special treat.
6. I want to eat this in moderation but I'm still not quite satisfied so I will eat more...
   

Out of whack shedules often get me feeling tempted and thinking...

1. Eat now. I don't want to be out (away from food) and hungry.
2. At my in-laws--this is THE mealtime. It's time to eat. Don't make a scene.
3. Hunger is somthing that MUST be fed immediately! So to be caught off guard with hunger is scary. Must meet the need IMMEDIATELY! NEED food NOW!

When I'm tempted to do some "tourist nibbling" I'm thinking...

1. Gotta eat as much of it as possible NOW because I won't get this opportunity again (or for quite awhile).
2. Taste buds are alive! My stomach feels full. Ignore the signals.
3. It's Christmas. This kind of food/baking only comes once a year!

I am in utter amazement at all the thoughts that line the walls of my mind in regards to eating. If I was to apply this exercise to other sins boy those walls are cluttered! Unbelievable! It is time to tear down the lies of Satan with the truth of God's Word. I don't want to be so mentally BILINGUAL! I truly desire to be thinking in only ONE language...with the MIND OF CHRIST. It's time to "starve the flesh and feed the spirit" (BF pg199).

Lord, help me line the walls of my mind with Your truth and may my thoughts be taken captive by You and bow down to You. I pray that You would begin to transform the walls of my mind and make me more like You each and every moment of each and every day. Please help me be victorious Lord. In Jesus name, amen.

I've been processing some of this already with truth statements and scriptures... I still have more work to do, more processing to do. I'll follow this post up later with what God reveals to me.

The Lord's Table~Day 13

Okay, I'm going to try and make this as quick as possible since I'm really in dire need of a nap already (at 9:30am....it was a very restless night)! But I want to share what God has been doing in my heart in the past day.

Day 13~New Direction

First of all, today's lesson continues on the theme of true repentance and zones in on godly sorrow. Godly sorrow showed itself in the lives of the Corinthians (2 cor. 7:8-13) in earnestness, indignation, fear, longing, zeal and avenging of wrong. Worldly sorrow just brings loss, suffering and death. Godly sorrow brings about repentance.

I loved this verse,

And it will be said: "Build up, build up, prepare the road! Remove the obstacles out of the way of my people." For this is what the high and lofty One says—he who lives forever, whose name is holy: "I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite." Isaiah 57:14-15

God dwells with and revives the lowly in spirit and contrite. Oh how I long to be truly contrite and completely humbled and surrendered and waiting on the Lord to meet all my needs.

Friend, the teaching of both yesterday and today define what true repentance is. It is turning completely away from sin, doing an about face, and then pursuing God with a reckless abandon. And it is also sorrowing over sin to such an extend that the heart begins to hate the sin and turn from it. This is repentance, and if either of these elements are missing the freedom from sin will not be lasting. If one merely feels sorrow over the sin but does not turn from it then he is not free. Or if one merely turns from the sin but does not develop a heart-sorrow over it he is not free either. Both must be present in the life. TLT workbook pg 43

I'm struggling with both these elements of repentance... But I think the root of it is the heart-sorrow is lacking. I believe overeating is a sin. But I'm still struggling with whether eating outside 0-5 on occasion is actually sin... This is probably the root of my problem. I need godly sorrow and repentance in this area. This is what I'm praying for.

I could relate to a quote from course member Nancy:

Saying I am sorry with a mouth full of food just is not repentance. TLT workbook pg44

So I've been praying for true repentance and godly sorrow. I want God to open my eyes to see the yuckiness of sin.

As I was heading out on errands last night a song began playing on the radio and it truly touched my heart and brought me to tears. I realize the song is touching on the sin of marital unfaithfulness in particular, but I really believe it can apply to ANY sin. Here's the video of the song...

"Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns



As I listened to this song and thought about the example I am to my kids, my heart was truly sorrowful. I don't want my kids to have the same baggage I'm carrying. I don't want them to struggle with this sin of gluttony. They watch. They learn. They see the greed quite often I'm sure. And I can see the seed of greed growing in their hearts as well. This saddens me to the point of tears. Just as I feel sorrow at the thought of my kids in bondage to this sin, I am sure God feels all the more sorrowful as He sees me in bondage when He keeps extending His grace and mercy and strength and fulfillment to me.

I realize I'm not just harming myself by sinning and my relationship with God by sinning....but I'm also harming my children. I've realized this before, but it hit me afresh last night. And it was just the reminder I needed. This sin doesn't just pop up overnight. It is a "slow fade."

The Lord's Table~Day 10, 11, 12

The Lord has certainly been impressing on me a need for a 180 degree turn back to Him, one of TRUE REPENTANCE. I think up until now I have only done a 90 degree turn. I haven't completely turned from the sin of greed and gluttony. I don't yet hate the sin. My prayer is that this turn would be made complete and that God would grant me the gift of repentance.



Day 10~More Living Water

This lesson highlighted that I need to switch water sources. God offers us Living Water, Christ Himself, who springs up and is truly satisfying. Too often I turn to a water source that is like a broken cistern and a dirty yucky sewer water source.

Here are a couple quotes from today's lesson that stood out to me:

Turning to overeating is like trying to get water from a jar with holes in it. TLT workbook pg 32

Course member Pam writes: "I can't just cut back on food but must
actively find my satisfaction in Christ." TLT pg 34

I can see that I have cut back on food but haven't actively found my satisfaction in Christ when the going gets tough! I haven't yet filled up the empty places with Him. I haven't actively looked to Him when I have felt tempted...and therefore have failed time and time again in the midst of temptations.


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Day 11~Turning

Repentance has often been described as doing a 180 degree turn, meaning we turn away from sin and turn to God... True repentance is not only turning from sin, it is turning to God and loving and serving
Him. TLT workbook pg35

Some verses that stuck out...

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:7-10

Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
Isaiah 55:6-7

With gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of truth. 2 Timothy 2: 25, 26

Based on Isaiah 55 there are lots of ways I can actively find satisfaction in Christ and do that 180 degree turn: I am to seek the Lord, call upon Him, forsake sin and return to God. I do not feel I have forsaken sin. I still have my hand in the cookie jar....literally....okay, maybe the jelly bean container and chocolate tins in our house! I am praying that God would grant me the gift of repentance.


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Day 12~Repentance Brings Refreshment

"Even now," declares the LORD,
"return to me with all your heart,
with fasting and weeping and mourning."
Rend your heart and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity.
Who knows? He may turn and have pity
and leave behind a blessing—
grain offerings and drink offerings
for the LORD your God.
Joel 2:12-14

I desire to have genuine repentance. I want to fast and weep and mourn and have my heart pierced with the sin of my rebellion and greed.

Overeating is when we gratify the cravings of the flesh rather than crucify them. This is sin. However, we are not at all saying that it is
sin to eat when hungry. What we are talking about here, gluttony, is the habit of overeating and indulging our flesh, not the necessary requirement of daily nourishing our bodies when we feel hungry. TLT workbook pg 39

I desire to crucify the cravings of the flesh, rather then having them master me.

I make exceptions for eating all the time. Even yesterday I felt a sense of conviction that God was calling me to loosen the grip of sugar in my life, calling me to fast from it....and I didn't follow through. How sad. This reflects to me that I have not fully turned and forsaken sin and seen the yuckiness of my sin.

God has been hitting me left right and center with this whole repentance and living water teaching as I'm getting it from this week's lessons in TLT along with the Breaking Free studies along with personal conviction and scripture that God brings to mind. Interesting how God works isn't it!

Our insatiable need or craving for too much of anything is symptomatic of unmet needs or what we called "empty places. Salvation does not equal satisfaction. (You can be saved and still be dissatisfied.) Satisfaction comes when every empty place is filled with the fullness of Christ. While salvation comes to us as a gift of God, we find satisfaction in Him as we deliberately surrender all parts of our lives. Breaking Free workbook by Beth Moore pg 168

As I read this I wondered WHAT ARE MY EMPTY PLACES? I don't even know the answer to this. I'm asking God to reveal this to me. Why on earth am I drawn to sugar the way I am? Why do I ever eat past satisfaction? It just doesn't seem to make sense! I just keep going and going even when I hear the Spirit convicting me otherwise.

Here's another great quote from today's Breaking Free lesson...

The fullness of God is not a one-time occurrence like our salvation.
Every day of our lives--to live victoriously--we must learn to pour out our hearts to God, confess sin daily so nothing will hinder Him, acknowledge every hollow place, and invite Him to fill us fully! Then we need to continue to fan the flame of His love by reading Scripture, listening to edifying music, and praying often. Breaking Free workbook by Beth Moore pg 171

Dear Lord, I pray that you would convict me of the seriousness and yuckiness of sin, in particular gluttony. I pray that you would grant me the gift of repentance. I truly don't want anything to hinder You from working in and through me. I pray that you would reveal to me every hollow, empty place in my heart and life. I pray that I would do that 180 degree turn and actually fill up on Living Water. I pray that you would guide me in this journey and may Your Holy spirit transform me each and every day to be more and more like You. In Jesus name, amen.

The Lord's Table~Day 7, 8, 9

Day 7~Happy Are the Helpless

This lesson has resonated with me a number of times over the weekend because I truly feel quite helpless and starving for Jesus! For quite some time now I have felt very convicted how sinful I am. I have clearly seen the foothold satan has in my life, particularly in regards to eating. I know I am not glorifying God in all that I do.

This lesson was an encouragement to me because it reminded me that God is near me, does not despise me, dwells with me, revives me, esteems me and offers healing...as I humbly approach Him with empty hands.

Emptiness precedes fullness. We cannot receive from God until we have empty hands. He who recornizes he has nothing to offer God will receive everything from God.

A starving heart will give all to have the Bread of Life. It is only the hungry that sense their need of Jesus, not the full. TLT workbook
pg21

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Day 8~The Cross

Overeating is defined as continuing to eat past the point of receving all we need to sustain our lives. TLT pg24

Oooh.... I have gone past the point of satisfying hunger many times based on that definition.

This lesson zones in on how sin separates us from God and how Jesus Christ is the solution to this problem. Jesus died on the cross to pay the price for my sin. Thank you, Jesus.

I appreciated the following words...

The purpose of Jesus' death is two-fold: first, that He might remove my sins from me and second, that He might heal me from going astray and bring me back to God. It is GOD'S work to remove our sins from us, it is GOD'S work to heal us from going astray and it is GOD'S work to cause us to return to the Shepherd and Overseer of our souls. TLT workbook pg25

And then the lesson moves into reflecting on (1) what I used to be, (2) what God has done and (3) what I am now.

(1) I used to be completely undisciplined in my eating. I can remember as a teenager, arriving home after school and digging right into a massive bowl of ice cream. I would sneak food as my cravings would hit. Even within the past couple years I can see myself at the kitchen counter eating cupcake, after cupcake, after cupcake as my cravings seemed insatiable. Sadly, I remember that I VERY rarely experienced true physiological hunger.

(2) God has done a good work in me (and continues!). He has equipped me, strengthened me, convicted me, loved me, shown His mercy and grace to me. He continues to convict me and impresses on me the need for further surrender. As I repented and sought to glorify Him with my eating, turning to His Word for guidance I began to experience hunger regularily throughout each and every day. Thin Within sure helped align my thinking with God's Word, for which I am very thankful. I began to experience real gratitude and appreciation for all the gifts He gives. The tentacle of greed and gluttony began to gradually loosen their grip on my heart. And, all glory be to God, I released over 20 pounds in six months!

(3) Currently I'm still struggling with some roots of greed for food that still remain dug down deep in the soil of my heart. I'm experiencing a level of victory but I see that it is still incomplete. I'm still often serving two master--God and food. So I continue to move forward seeking God in this area of my life.

Probably the most powerful portion of this lesson for me was the following quote...

The reason that we are showing it [overeating] to be a sin is because
we must learn to abhor our sinful eating addictions and habits. We must begin to detest them with all of our being, and to think of them as a sin against our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, in order to truly turn away from them and find victory. TLT workbook pg27

Oh how I long to HATE the sin of overeating and eating outside the boundaries of 0-5! I really and truly want to HATE and DETEST that!!!! I don't want to trivialize this sin or make exceptions left right and center!


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Day 9~Living Water

The story of the woman at the well, from John 4, is the main focus of this lesson. I love this story and the picture it paints. This lady needed water and Jesus was there to offer so much more. He doesn't offer a bandaid. He doesn't offer her just a single cup of water. He digs down deep and heals. He offers a never ending, overflowing WELL of LIVING water!!! That's pretty cool!

I know in the past I was looking for that bandaid and that single cup of water. I was not focussing on God as my source of motivation and strength. I was definitely not drinking of the Living Water.

I want this to change...permanently. I want to drink of the Living Water~Jesus.

More of Him. Less of me. May I decrease and Him increase. Amen.

ThinWithin~Day18, 19, 20

I know my blog hasn't been exactly active the past week or so! And also not exactly positive, upbeat and motivating! But I'm still here. And I know this is part of the journey. I will have my valleys and times where I take a detour from God's path...and then, praise be to God for His faithfulness and grace, I am able to get back on His path. I'm committed to this process, through its ups and downs. As Susan so aptly wrote here,

I have finally (after years of going around the same woodshed) come to the realization that this journey is not going to end in my lifetime. And for the first time I am ok with that. Because the journey in learning to be a thin eater really mirrors my journey into being transformed into His likeness.

THIS I can relate to. THIS is why I don't give up.

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18

So onto my TW readings. Here's a quote that struck me...

When we acknowledge that we have chosen to do what is right in our own eyes, such as eat that third donut, we have made a choice in the flesh. We stand in agreement with God and confess that we have made a DETOUR from the path of God's provision. If our hearts are open to Him, we will see that the scenery is much grander back on His path. So we humbly admit to Him that we have wandered off the road. This is the first step of repentance. TW pg194

I have definitely been taking a detour the past couple weeks. I slipped
down the slippery slope and found myself in the muck and mire...or more rightly, in a pile of candy wrappers and other sugary treats, gluttonous and greedy for food.

Following up an exercise in Chapter 19 on pg 198:

"I choose to receive Your (God's) forgiveness for myself for..."

...my willful rebellious detour the past few weeks. I can see that ever since July, when my weight settled into my BMI zone, that I have allowed food to once again increase in importance. I have not fully surrendered to You. Please forgive me. Help me not "play" thin and surrendered...but actually BE surrendered to You on the INSIDE. No acting. No following a fixed formula. No pushing the boundaries. Help me be surrendered. I thank You for Your forgiveness. Amen.

I found it interesting to note the shift in my attitude towards food, eating & surrender since early summer. (That's nearly 5 months already! How crazy is that!!)

Would I be willing to once again leave the best bite on my plate as a sacrifice to the Lord?

Would I be willing to skip dessert if I'm already at a #5?

And then I had a verse hit me yesterday as I pondered "more of Him and less of me."

He must increase, but I must decrease. John 3:30

And then I read a quote from Mike Cleveland in "The Lord's Table" (as highlighted in Heidi's post.)

Overeating is defined as continuing to eat past the point of receiving all we need to sustain our lives.

How often do I push the boundaries, eating so much beyond what is needed to sustain my life?

How often do I push God to the side and take first place and do things MY own way?

He must increase, I must decrease.

For me to turn down the extra candy bars I'm craving, to not have dessert because I'm already satisfied, to not take that extra serving of pizza, to not munch on something just because I feel like it....is for me to decrease and HIM to increase! Because in all honesty I can't do this on my own in my own strength. He will HAVE to increase if I'm to have victory in this area.

So I offer ALL of me to the Lord. There are many areas besides eating and gluttony that I need to surrender to the Lord: laziness, thoughts that aren't pleasing to God, my words/speech, my attitudes...

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. Romans 12:1-2

More of Him. Less of me. He must increase. I must decrease.

Weight Released

Down to 149 lbs as of this morning. This is really encouraging news for me as I've been struggling with being thin from WITHIN lately and asking God to cut out all the roots of greed in my heart (as my posts have been reflecting lately). It's not an easy process...and I have so much more work ahead. Yesterday I felt a lot of peace as I invited God into this process more and surrendered more of myself over to Him. I want to continue walking in surrender to Him moment by moment each day.

Struggling

I'm finding it really hard to return to consistent 0-5 eating once again. I thought I had been overstepping the 0-5 bounds so often during our holidays....but now that I'm back at home, with the cupboards and fridge (and freezer) stocked full of yummy handy food I'm realizing that during holidays one thing that I really did "right" was just eat at mealtimes. I really didn't snack much at all. Plus Jon and I often shared restaurant portions for much of our trip (the servings were just HUGE though...and mexican meals can be stretched a lot depending how many tortillas you use!).

Anyways, I'm really frustrated with my lack of self-control once again. I know that this week is a less scheduled week with VBS each evening. Each evening I'm coming home tired and wanting to sit back and relax with some "comforting" food. During the daytime I've been a little less patient waiting for hunger then I was prior to vacation.

I'm not sure exactly what to do about this struggle except lift it to the Lord in prayer. I know that He has helped me many times over the past year and is more then able to once again strengthen me and equip me. Next week I hope to get more of a semblance of routine in our life. I tend to function better with routine. It also helps to be well rested which I haven't been this week...

Well, that's the quick update at this end, not the glowing report I'd love to be posting...but it's the way things are right now. I continue to trust that God has begun a good work in me and will continue it to completion.

I'm back!

It feels so good to be back home! What an amazing month it has been. So many answers to prayer and so many blessings were experienced. I've now updated my Counting My Blessings blog along with pictures from the past month.

One thing God taught me throughout our month in Mexico is that there are needs everywhere in the world...even in my own city here in Canada. I went on this trip willing to do whatever, go whereever God wanted me to go...as surrendered as I could be to His will. Did He want our family to move to Mexico? Did He want us to adopt a child? Did He want us to serve the poor and needy here in Canada? What exactly was the purpose behind all this?

I came away from our trip very aware that God had very specifically directed us to this ministry and family in Mexico for a reason. The family who are heading up this ministry were truly needing some extra support and encouragement and we could see that God used us for that purpose...and it was reciprocated as we watched and learned and listened to these passionate christ-followers share from their hearts and live out their lives serving others 24/7.

So, what does the future hold? I really don't know the answer to that. What I do know is that I need to listen to God's direction and follow His leading. So, I'm praying and waiting on God. At this point I have not felt inclined to serve in Mexico full-time...but am certainly continuing to feel directed towards ministry here in my own city amongst those in real need.

As I sought to surrender my future to God....I sadly fell short of surrendering my gluttonous greedy appetite for food to Him. I hate that I still have this root lodged deep down.... I generally was hungry about 1-2x each day (and was eating at least 3x each day). However I went past #5 a lot of meals...knowingly. And I often ate (a lot) when I was not in the least bit hungry.

On the positive note I kept up with my quiet time with the Lord, digging into the Beth Moore bible study. So many "aha" moments as I journey through this book. Most summers are so out-of-whack with schedules, and non-stop family time, that I often don't prioritize my devotions. But this summer was different...and for this I am thankful and praise God. I'm thankful for the hunger He is placing deep within me and for the way He is revealing Himself to me and touching my life.

On another positive note, I stepped on the scale this morning and found my weight had remained the same at 151 pounds! That's amazing! I'm just so thankful I'm not having to start all over again with releasing weight that had already been released! It truly has been released, praise God! My heart soars with praise to God! Now I just have to keep pressing on, make sure I don't stay in the vacation eating mode and continue to move forward to the weight God wants me to reach. More then that I need to keep pressing forward and continue to surrender to God and be set free from this sin of greed and gluttony that popped up its head this past month. I need to get back into consistent 0-5 eating now. I don't want to take a break from this "great project" that God has been doing in my heart and life.

Checking in

I guess it has been nearly two weeks since I posted. I thought it would be good to give account and be transparent with how things have been going.

First of all, I cannot begin to express how amazing our time here in Mexico has been. We are staying at the home of an amazing family who rescued and have care for seven orphanned children for the past three years (along with their own three children). They have been building an orphanage near their home that will open in the near future with the ability to care for many more children. The children are AMAZING! God's work in their lives is very evident! We have now spent over a week with this family and have been touched in so many ways. The children have a joy that just spills over and radiates from them. They are wonderful children, a true joy to spend time with. Our host couple, the Fletchers, are amazing individuals as well. I have learned so much as I have listened to them share from their hearts. I still don't know what God's plan in all this is....but I'm willing and available to whatever He calls me to. I could go on and on with stories...but will keep it short and sweet for now until I collect my thoughts better and can communicate them more effectively:-)

Second, I have been continuing to take time with the Lord. I have been really enjoying the Beth Moore study "Breaking Free". Today's lesson, finding satisfaction in God, really hit home to me especially. It compared how we seek to satisfy our bodies when we feel physical sensations of hunger and thirst (good reminder to do this more!!) and how we should be doing the same thing with our spiritual hunger and thirst sensations and turning to God who satisfies as with the "richest of fare". I have much growing to do in this area.

Third, in regards to eating.... I have really been off. I feel quite "yucky" right now actually! I have had my "on" days and then my really really "off" days. They have really different schedules here in Mexico! Breakfast has been self-serve. I should be more careful to be hungry for this meal as most days I can wait until I am hungry and then eat. Lunch is usually around 2pm (seems strange to me when I'm used to 11:00-12:00 lunches!). This is their biggest meal of the day.....and has been throwing me off majorly as I'm usually a light lunch kind of person! Then supper is around 9pm (seems crazy to me!) and they have had sandwiches or hamburgers etc. most days...more like our lunches. As I said following 0-5 has been up and down.... When we get to our next phase of our trip, our family time in Playa del Carmen, I know that I will have more flexibility with 0-5 eating, as I will be more "in control" of what times I eat etc. It is much more difficult when I am the guest here and the meals are being prepared and served to 15-20 people each lunch/supper.

I feel the root of gluttony has reared its head once again and feel captive once again to greed for food. Doesn't take very long does it!!!! I need to be set free by God's power once again. I need to open the door to the Lord and be satisfied by Him alone. Time to push the restart button again! I don't expect to be able to be hungry every meal while in this home....but certainly can make choices that reflect a heart that is not captive to gluttony.

Lord, I turn to you once again. I need your mercy and grace. I'm sorry for turning from you and choosing to do things my own way. Please help me learn what it means to be satisfied in YOU alone. I want to have a taste of all that you have to offer and to truly experience soul satisfaction. Thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for your power which you equip me with. I know that I cannot do this in my own strength. Thank you for all your provisions--help, peace, joy, purpose, strength, power, presence, grace and more. You are an amazing God! Amen.

The Impact of 0-5 on World Hunger

I was at my parent's place the other day and was reading this...

The following statistics stood out for me:

The one statistic that jumped out at me in particular, was that...

...hunger and poverty claim 25,000 lives every day (doing a bit of math it means that about every 3 seconds a person dies because of hunger or poverty)...

Wow! That is absolutely CRAZY! I'm mortified by this fact!

What does this say about my own choice to eat in EXCESS on a regular basis when others are DYING because they don't even have enough food to survive each day?!

I've sensed God challenging me to consider more practical steps towards better stewardship of all that I have been blessed with. I hope and pray our family can be part of changing that statistic in this upcoming year, no matter how small and insignificant our baby steps may seem.

Okay, first baby step I feel called to... Generally, our family of four spends about $600/month on groceries. Every now and then it dips closer to $550, though that is rare lately...and sometimes it is more then $600. This upcoming year I plan to be a bit more vigilant with my grocery choices and spending. And of course I will be more vigilant with my food consumption as well, since our whole family has been on board lately aiming to eat 0-5. Logically I would think our grocery budget would reflect some savings as we follow 0-5 eating...because we should all be eating LESS, right?!!! We plan to transfer any "savings" from grocery spending directly towards those in need. Our initial goal will be that each month any dollar under that $600 mark will be donated to those in need. So, we'll see how that goes! It should be a good challenge for us all!!!

Wouldn't it be amazing to actually see our obedience to God (with 0-5 eating) benefit those who are less fortunate?!

I'm sure that our trip to Mexico will open our eyes first-hand to the stark contrast between our lifestyle and those who live in poverty and inspire us to make changes. Maybe this is a large part of why God is calling us to take this trip. I hope and pray we come back home completely changed. I pray that we will come to a place of deeper surrender to God and all that He calls us to.

Stinky Garbage

I just returned from a few days camping...and all I can say is I am more then ever fully aware how easily I could slip away from this path of God's provision... How sad is that after all He has done?!

Last week I noticed an awful odor coming from our kitchen garbage can, so I emptied the garbage bag thinking that would take care of the odor. Didn't work... So, I sprinkled a good amount of baking soda inside the garbage can and put a bowl of it behind the can. Didn't work... Finally on Monday, as I was cleaning up the house prior to our camping trip, I decided to soak the garbage can in bleach. Then I decided to give the cupboard that houses the garbage can a quick wipe. Lo and behold, I found a piece of ROTTEN watermelon rind sitting at the very back of the cupboard...mouldy and all! Obviously it missed the garbage can and fell behind.

I feel like my life is a bit like that right now. I have experienced many changes, from the inside out (praise the Lord!), but there are still "rotten" things that I am harbouring, the root of my disordered eating is still not fully dealt with.

(My simple rotten watermelon episode quickly brought to mind Heidi's experience and reflection of the brambles here and here.)

I'm wondering how on earth I am going to manage the next month while in Mexico. I'm definitely prone to "tourist" nibbling... (Hard not to with all the awesome authentic Mexican food we'll have around us!) Plus I know that relaxing beach times tend to bring out the munchy urges for me. Plus I imagine I'll be experiencing a fair amount of tiredness with schedule changes, sleeping arrangement changes, heat/humidity changes etc....which leads to more 0-5 eating challenges for me. AAAHH!! Somehow at the root of all this is a continued greed for food and continuing to ignore the Lord's help in time of temptation....my stinky, rotten watermelon rind.

I continue to cling to God's promises...

“…being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Phil 1:6

Lord, help me get to the root of my disordered eating... In Jesus name, amen.

Camping Update

What an amazing six days it has been! I have thoroughly enjoyed spending so much time outdoors and in God's creation. It was wonderful camping with friends for our first three nights, catching up, having some heart-to-hearts and just hanging out together. Then it was nice to have some time for just our family the past two nights. My heart is filled with thanksgiving and gratitude for who God is and all the ways he cares for me. Thank you Lord.

Down to the nitty gritty details of the week!! My eating was mostly within 0-5 this week. However I did notice the roots of some greed rear its head... Since I was journalling my thoughts this week I figure I'll just post these...

Saturday, June 28th
I was reading TW chapter 14 and these are the things that stuck out to me:
"For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." Phil 2:13
"For sin shall not be master over you for you are not under law but under grace." Romans 6:14
* The Lord will reveal His perfect will for you. (Romans 12:2)
* Empowered by his grace--interesting thought
Gratitude log here.

Sunday, June 29th
Eating observation: I felt a little greedy for sugar this evening.
What a perfect chapter to start off camping...inviting God into each and every moment of my life, practising His presence. Just the reminder I needed. Thank you, Lord.
Gratitude log here.

Monday, June 30th
Eating observation: Too much sugar
Correction: Go for what I'm craving FIRST...rather then eating a whole bunch of other teasers and then finally going for what I was craving in the first place!
Gratitude log here.

Tuesday, July 1st
I'm really off this evening. Lord forgive me. It's not just my eating...it's my emotions too.
I've been very tired. My guard has definitely been down. I've given in to temptation. Father, help me live a surrendered life to you. I'm not even sure what I could do to correct today....maybe the munchie mix was my downfall...definitely think it was. I feel saddened that I'm not the best role model for my kids in regards to eating in moderation. Father forgive me for this too.
Gratitude log here.

Wednesday, July 2nd
I feel like I'm mindlessly eating tonight at supper. Did I even really invite God into each moment of this meal? If I had I would have turned to Him for strength to resist temptation and make good choices.

Reflecting on TW ch. 18:
"I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?" Neh. 6:3

What a great reminder to persevere and maintain godly boundaries!

I wonder if I stepped over a godly boundary at lunch by having chips. I just observed yesterday that my supper eating went off because of the overconsumption of the munchie mix in the afternoon. I think I set myself up for the same situation today. I could have simply saved some chips for later if I was craving them so much.

"My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you." Psalm 63:5

Gratitude log here.

Thursday, July 3rd
Reflecting on TW ch. 19:
"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength." Is. 30:15
What a neat verse! Something to ponder.

Also, reflecting on Ps. 32:1-5 I find it interesting to note that failing to acknowledge sin results in what I see as soul suffering--bones wasting, groaning, God's hand heavy upon, strength sapped.

One thing I noticed last night is that s'mores are a bit of a teaser for me. Not 100% satisfying so why do I eat so many?! Maybe I should just eat one for the fun of it and then eat the separate part (probably just the chocolate!) if I'm wanting more!

Gratitude log here.


In summary...

I've had some wonderful time with the Lord, with family and friends this week. I'm so thankful for God's strength this week. I'm also thankful for the TW book which is so packed full of godly insights and wisdom!

I didn't follow my pre-planned menu...yet all that thinking ahead of time did prepare me to make better choices. I pretty much just went with the flow and ate what I was craving within 0-5.

The two things I noted that seemed to be flesh machinery for me when camping are: munchies/chips and sweets (particularily s'mores).

My plan of action is...

Munchies--aim to eat very specific portion sizes. I think I'll actually portion out the munchies ahead of time so that I stick within a more moderate amount.

Sweets--s'mores...just eat one and then focus on more pleasing pleasers:-) Other sweets I just need to slow down and savour and continue sticking with 0-5 eating.

Well, enough from me for now! This is getting long winded as usual!!