What lines the walls of my mind?

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Cor. 10:5

This verse is the central portion of scripture that is unpacked in week 9 of the Breaking Free study by Beth Moore. What an INCREDIBLE week of lessons this has been! I hardly know where to begin. But for now, I'll just unpack a few things that God has been unveiling to me in the past couple days.

"Give this next statement your full attention the walls of your mind will never stay bare. Never. Let's face it. Our minds work even when we sleep. Once we tear down lies, we have to re-wallpaper with truth or the enemy will happily supply a new roll of wallpaper. Different pattern maybe--a more updated look--but the same deceptive manufacturer." Breaking Free workbook by Beth Moore pg 195

The walls of my mind never stay bare.

That has been resonating in my mind.

"The question becomes, then, how do we re-wallpaper our minds with truth? First, be understanding the goal. What does God want to accomplish in our minds? We possess the mind of Christ (1 Cor. 2:16), but we still have the full capacity to think with the mind of the flesh. We are MENTALLY BILINGUAL you might say. My older daughter is almost fluent in Spanish, but she still thinks mostly in English because she practices it more. The same concept is true of you and me. We will think with the mental language we practice most." Breaking Free workbook by Beth Moore pg 195

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. Romans 7:21-23

"We will not be free until we adopt the mind of Christ." Breaking Free workbook by Beth Moore pg 195

So, one question that has kept on turning over in my mind over and over again is "Which mental language am I practicing most?"

The truth began to become evident as I began to examine what lines the walls of my mind... I gotta tell you it felt like a HUGE surprise to me, when I got down to the nitty gritty, how many lies and deceptions of the devil I have allowed to line the walls of my mind. I feel led to share what I began to uncover... Welcome to the hidden corners, the secret places, of my mind...

When I'm willfully rebellious I am thinking...

1. I (SELF) am the most important. My desires are the most important. I want what I want when I want it...and I get what I want.
2. I've tried calling out to God in the midst of temptation before and it hasn't worked, so why bother?
3. It will make me feel so much better (to eat that ice cream etc)--more energy, more enjoyment etc.
4. Just get it done and over with. I can't resist. Why bother?
5. God doesn't care about this one time, does He? He'd forgive me anyways, right?
6. I sin. God forgives. I can count on that!

When I'm in auto pilot mode with overeating or am tempted to eat outside 0-5 I am thinking...

1. Quick, quick! Do it quickly before you have time to think or second guess. Don't even think about praying right now. Just eat it quick!
   
2. It tastes so good. More WILL satisfy me more.
3. I'm at the counter munching. This doesn't really "count."
4. I'm just "extending" my lunch/supper meal a little longer. What's the harm in that?

When I'm tired and am tempted to eat I'm thinking...

1. I need a quick pick-me-up.
2. I don't want to battle anything right now. I'm too tired. Just give me food.
   
3. Food will give me energy and give me the pick-me-up I need. Nothing else can fill that spot like food.
4. I'll deal with the guilt tomorrow. New start tomorrow.

When I'm tempted to overeat in social situations I'm thinking...

1. I don't want to insult the hostess by not eating anything (or not cleaning my plate).
2. Eat, eat, eat all the good food. This is your chance!
3. Others are eating more then me, so I am entitled to eat more.

When I'm tempted to taste test something despite not being hungry I'm thinking...

1. I gotta know how it tastes!
2. Everybody does it once in awhile!
3. Just a small bite which of course leads to...
4. Okay, since I started this cookie, I may as well eat the whole cookie. I've already fallen (slipped), why fight the urge?
5. How can I give this away if I don't know how it tastes?
6. It always tastes best when it is fresh. I don't want to miss out on that!

When sugary treats tempt me I'm thinking...

1. More of it will definitely satsify me more!
2. I can't go without something sweet in the day.
3. I NEED dessert after supper...and LOTS of it since I was "good" all day!
4. I can't resist. It feels magnetic.
5. I don't want to give this up to God. This is my special treat.
6. I want to eat this in moderation but I'm still not quite satisfied so I will eat more...
   

Out of whack shedules often get me feeling tempted and thinking...

1. Eat now. I don't want to be out (away from food) and hungry.
2. At my in-laws--this is THE mealtime. It's time to eat. Don't make a scene.
3. Hunger is somthing that MUST be fed immediately! So to be caught off guard with hunger is scary. Must meet the need IMMEDIATELY! NEED food NOW!

When I'm tempted to do some "tourist nibbling" I'm thinking...

1. Gotta eat as much of it as possible NOW because I won't get this opportunity again (or for quite awhile).
2. Taste buds are alive! My stomach feels full. Ignore the signals.
3. It's Christmas. This kind of food/baking only comes once a year!

I am in utter amazement at all the thoughts that line the walls of my mind in regards to eating. If I was to apply this exercise to other sins boy those walls are cluttered! Unbelievable! It is time to tear down the lies of Satan with the truth of God's Word. I don't want to be so mentally BILINGUAL! I truly desire to be thinking in only ONE language...with the MIND OF CHRIST. It's time to "starve the flesh and feed the spirit" (BF pg199).

Lord, help me line the walls of my mind with Your truth and may my thoughts be taken captive by You and bow down to You. I pray that You would begin to transform the walls of my mind and make me more like You each and every moment of each and every day. Please help me be victorious Lord. In Jesus name, amen.

I've been processing some of this already with truth statements and scriptures... I still have more work to do, more processing to do. I'll follow this post up later with what God reveals to me.

I feel like...

...eating my way through a box of halloween chocolates!!!
Okay, I have been munching on sugary dessert treats for too extended of a time after the supper. Gotta stop NOW! I am feeling tired and wanting to sit back and relax and enjoy and savour something sweet NOW.

The reason this became a problem is that I ate my entire supper on the run, eating for the sake of eating (which was necessary) as I had to rush out of the house to play practice 15 minutes after I concluded my last piano lesson.

Soooo...lesson learned is I need to be a CONSCIOUS eater! In hindsight I wish I had just eaten a reasonable portion of the main course to maybe a #4 (being more conscious throughout that meal) and then enjoyed my sweet treat (in a more moderate amount) after I got back, after the kids were in bed, when I could really savour the treat... That time would be about right *now*!

But I have already had enough and stopped and thought about "renewing" of my mind as I had posted today. I need to find satisfaction in something other then food right about now.

And I will:-) I'm here on my blog, writing out my feelings, which is satisfying. I have invited God into this moment. I will sit back and relax and visit with my husband. Maybe I'll watch a TV show. I don't know yet....but I choose to find enjoyment and relaxation in something other then food right now.

Lord, I give you these emotions right now. I recognize that my flesh longs to do what I know is not your will. I know you have equipped me with all I need and I pray that I would walk on this path of your provision right now. Amen.

This weekend...

...I had pinpointed some of the temptations I would be facing and some of the possible "exit" plans that I could potentially choose so I could stay within 0-5 eating.

Unfortunately I can't say the weekend went perfectly according to the plan... I also can't say that I truly sought the Lord for help. The moments when I ate outside 0-5 were all in the midst of feelings of tiredness. I need to figure out how to truly stop and wait on the Lord in those times of weakness...

So here I give account for how I dealt with the various situations that I had highlighted in my last post:

#1. Supper at a friend's house.
I definitely ate within 0-5 for supper and with the later dessert. I had two small slices of pizza, which in all honesty is pretty much equivalent to the one larger piece I was thinking would be adequate in my exit plan. Unfortunately when I got home, at about 10pm, I had a bit more of the trifle and a small slice of pizza. I didn't feel past a #5, but definitely didn't start at a #0.

#2. Drama Practice.
Eating 0-5 went smoothly. Thanks God!

#3. & #4. Pumpkin Pie temptations & Family Dinner (mexican food).
I started our family meal feeling quite worn out and tired, and wasn't at #0. I ate a really small amount, definitely not eating past a #5. The pumpkin pie was devoured by my family (all 9 of us), so none was left behind to tempt me. However after my family left, I once again fell into wanting just a bit of a treat after I could kick back and relax....and so dug into one wagon wheel cookie.

Well, that's it for now.

Three Days

I felt like I needed to give myself a time frame with no excuses or rationalizing for eating outside 0-5 allowed! I decided three days was a reasonable start. My first three day time frame was Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday this week. It went great! PRAISE GOD! I ate at #0 each and every time and only one time ate to a #6, otherwise I was within 0-5. That feels like a huge step for me right now. I'm very thankful for God's presence, power and provisions that helped me through each and every step of the way.

I was busy painting my daughter's room on Friday... Oh, the exhaustion!!!!! I hardly sat down between Thursday at 1pm until Friday at 5pm! It was a BIG job but is all done now:-) I DID manage to find time to eat...but it was definitely delayed quite often past #0 due to being in the middle of a project. So I did great with 0-5 eating....except that I rationalized a bowl of ice cream in the evening after the kids were in bed....despite having a satisfying supper and dessert at my parent's place that evening. I was tired out (that's an understatement) and pre-planned that bowl of ice-cream earlier in the day. I still don't feel "guilty" about that bowl of ice cream. I've prayed about it and asked the Lord to convict me if it was displeasing to Him. Not sure what to make of my emotions in that regard as I know I was outside 0-5 and was being a little bit greedy. I'll keep seeking God on this one.

Okay, moving on, today I'm going to start another three day one-step-at-a-time challenge. I find it easier to consider dealing with temptation head on when it is within a specific time frame. It doesn't seem like "just this one time" when I look at it that way! I'm not sure if that makes sense! I want to lean on God throughout temptations.....right now I tend to just give in. I'm hoping this pushes me to find God's way out in the midst of temptation.

Well, enough from me for today. I'm off to deal with the crazy messes around the rest of the house due to the painting project! Praising God for a new day! My prayer this morning was "You alone are God. I surrender."

Stinky Garbage

I just returned from a few days camping...and all I can say is I am more then ever fully aware how easily I could slip away from this path of God's provision... How sad is that after all He has done?!

Last week I noticed an awful odor coming from our kitchen garbage can, so I emptied the garbage bag thinking that would take care of the odor. Didn't work... So, I sprinkled a good amount of baking soda inside the garbage can and put a bowl of it behind the can. Didn't work... Finally on Monday, as I was cleaning up the house prior to our camping trip, I decided to soak the garbage can in bleach. Then I decided to give the cupboard that houses the garbage can a quick wipe. Lo and behold, I found a piece of ROTTEN watermelon rind sitting at the very back of the cupboard...mouldy and all! Obviously it missed the garbage can and fell behind.

I feel like my life is a bit like that right now. I have experienced many changes, from the inside out (praise the Lord!), but there are still "rotten" things that I am harbouring, the root of my disordered eating is still not fully dealt with.

(My simple rotten watermelon episode quickly brought to mind Heidi's experience and reflection of the brambles here and here.)

I'm wondering how on earth I am going to manage the next month while in Mexico. I'm definitely prone to "tourist" nibbling... (Hard not to with all the awesome authentic Mexican food we'll have around us!) Plus I know that relaxing beach times tend to bring out the munchy urges for me. Plus I imagine I'll be experiencing a fair amount of tiredness with schedule changes, sleeping arrangement changes, heat/humidity changes etc....which leads to more 0-5 eating challenges for me. AAAHH!! Somehow at the root of all this is a continued greed for food and continuing to ignore the Lord's help in time of temptation....my stinky, rotten watermelon rind.

I continue to cling to God's promises...

“…being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Phil 1:6

Lord, help me get to the root of my disordered eating... In Jesus name, amen.

Wednesday update

Here's what I wrote on Sunday...
I'm going to the school to help with the "Taste of Egypt" party. There will be lots of food around. I will maybe just skip/eat a light breakfast that day and enjoy the variety of food samples that will be served in the morning. I'll likely be busy for much of the time, but will probably be eating some samples a little later.

Unfortunately, I need to be completely transparent with everyone and say I have really not done well today with my eating. One of my biggest "fat machinery" triggers is tiredness...and that was a huge factor today. I wasn't hungry for breakfast and at 11am (still don't think I was at #0...though I may have been too busy to notice!) when it was time to taste the samples I started to munch... Then on top of that I had some company for lunch...and the munching continued. And then more munching after that...

I thank God for His grace which I know He freely offers me...and boy do I need a lot of it!

Lord, I am so sorry for not being obedient. I choose to follow You. I want my life to be glorifying to You in ALL I say and do. In Jesus name, amen.

Since I just figured out how to post a youtube video properly I'll close off this post with a song which really moved me tonight...

"East to West" by Casting Crowns

Planning for Trials

Today I was reading TW chapter 8 and thought it would serve as a good reminder to me to do the planning for trials exercise again. I know I’ve covered some of this in previous posts, so it may not be of interest to you, but I know it is a good reminder to me as this is the nitty-gritty of TW for me, what sets me off 0-5 eating on a consistent basis.

A long time ago I talked with my daughters about dealing with temptation (at the time it was dealing with wanting to gossip about a kid in class). I mentioned how God provides us with an "exit" door (hence the graphics below!). Now my 6 yr old, whenever she is feeling very frustrated and can't get out of an emotional rut she is in, says "I can't find the exit!" Then we usually pray together and sure enough she finds the "exit" that God has provided....and we together we praise God for it.

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out [also known as the EXIT in our household!] so that you can stand up under it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

So, now here I am thinking ahead to where the exit may be or how to get to the point where I choose to actually use the exit that God always faithfully provides.

I bake, I eat—taste test trap…and often the trap continues to lure me if it is a sugary treat. Often the temptation is to finish up the tempting food so it won’t be there to tempt me anymore.
First and foremost, I plan on really limiting the baking I do, keeping it more for special occasions. The next thing I plan on baking is going to be a banana bread loaf as I have some really ripe bananas right now. My goal will be to pre-slice the loaf and bag each piece, probably freeze the majority of the pieces (out of sight, out of mind does tend to be true for me generally). Thirdly, for those times that I am being tempted to eat outside of 0-5 with these tempting treats, I know it would be beneficial to move to another room, spend some time in prayer and bible reading (be still before God and really “practice His presence”). I’m just thinking right now another idea may be to find a really catchy encouraging God-focussed song and put it on every time I’m tempted. I kind of like that idea! I think I’ll try that one next time. Anyone have ideas for songs that may fit the bill? I’ll keep you updated on that idea!

I don’t want to wait for hunger. I want what I want NOW! The food is calling my name. I want to eat it ALL (past #5)! Etc…
This one is probably one of the hardest ones for me to deal with. These are the times when I have a voice in my head that says “you shouldn’t be eating it, you know you’re not hungry/or when you’re full” and then it’s like I just tell that voice (the Holy Spirit I’m guessing!) “be quiet, don’t think about it, it’s just this one time” etc. These are the times that I probably need to especially work on as this is a rebellious attitude that runs contrary to my godly goals.

So, what do I do??? First I think I’ll try that music idea again. We’ll see if that works, as I associate a certain song with acting as the escape route provided by God. Second, I should probably make sure these times I spend at least a couple minutes far away from the temptation in prayer/bible to get my focus back on God not on self. Third, get busy with something of interest—go for a walk, have a shower (even if it is at an odd time of day!), read story to the kids, run to the computer, play the piano, clean up the house, read a magazine… Many options are available if I just move away from the present weak moment.

It’s mealtime.
Breakfast and lunch are always pretty relaxed around our house, so no real stress over that meal. However, the supper meal is always tough for me. It is important to me to be hungry for this meal. I think it is good to eat well-rounded meals (as long as within 0-5 of course). It sends a good message to my kids to eat these healthy meals, conversing and eating…of course 0-5. So I do value being at #0 for supper. However, in the learning stages, I know that won’t always happen… If this is the case, my primary plan will be to sit down with the family and drink some water or some herbal tea and just visit. If this is too tough, I’ll do a little TW reading on the computer while the family eats…or start cleaning up the kitchen if it is a mess.

Social events.
The main thing is just to make sure I’m planning ahead to be hungry for the event. If I’m hungry then the only thing I need to focus on is really being conscious and present for the eating as well as focussing on the conversation and company around me. If I’m not hungry I think I could generally get by with just a non-caloric drink without offending anyone or anyone really thinking much of it.

Another huge one is when I’m tired and need a pick-me-up.
This is a really tough one as I wrote about the other day. As I wrote previously, hosting company sends me to after-dinner treats often. The key is to be really conscious and present for the eating and also enjoy the company. Also, not letting myself get too worn out with preparations is probably key too. There are lots of other times that I get tired though. I often just feel worn out and feel like eating for that extra energy boost. I think at times like this I should just lie down on the couch and close my eyes and be still before God. Drinking some water may also help. If it works to nap, I should definitely take that time to nap. I’ve been working on this area for quite some time, as this one became a very evident problem for me back when I first started TW. My husband actually was the one who brought up that I should take note of this weak time. So, I’ve been more vigilant with this particular area.

Anyone have any other ideas? I’m up for suggestions!

Thin Again - ch 4 Questions

Chapter 4:
Conscious Eating Not Compulsive Eating

What does the word “deliver” mean?
a rescue from the power of.

What does the word “freedom” mean?
God rescues us from the things that prevent us from living by faith.

What is “fat machinery”?
Anything that makes you eat when you’re not at “0”. I think of it as triggers. Ones that the author pinpoints are: conditioned and habitual responses, old unworkable beliefs, scales, past experiences and failures.

List any fat machinery that may have contributed to your disordered eating.

1. I bake, I eat—taste test trap…and often the trap continues to lure me if it is a sugary treat.
2. I’ve got to finish up this tempting food item so I’m not going to be tempted by it anymore.
3. It’s mealtime.
I enjoy food a lot and relish hot items hot out of the oven. To wait often means settling for less tasty food. I find baked items continue to tempt me when they are in the house as I have quite a sweet tooth.

4. I’m already off track so it’s license to stay off track!
5. I have failed so often, I will probably fail again.
This one has plagued me over and over again. It’s all about each moment and each choice.

6. Social events.
When it comes to social events I just let my guard down and find it hard to focus on the other, more important, reasons (other then food) for the social time.

7. I don’t want to wait for hunger.
Greed once again at the heart of the matter. Also, at times there are practical reasons. I find those a bit more tricky to deal with.

8. I’m tired and need a pick-me-up.
When I’m tired I find that I figure food will give me that extra energy boost I need….it often does. Eating after hosting company is another thing I’ve been in the habit of. I tend to not enjoy my food as much when I’m hosting (as I focus on all the details and on the company), plus I’ve usually made something extra tasty and sweet, so after company leaves I often just want to relax, kick up my feet and have that one last little treat.

What is true hunger?
“True hunger is a physical sensation in the body caused by the need for food.” TA pg 71

This link describes hunger quite well. I also liked this quick summary of the Weigh Down book's eating when you're hungry approach.

What is appetite?
“Appetite is a habitual desire for some gratification, either of the body or the mind, that food won’t satisfy even though we think it will.” TA pg. 71

How has your bathroom scale been part of your fat machinery?
“What happens when you wake up in the morning, step onto the bathroom scale, and see (arghhh!) that you’ve gained two pounds? You decide that your current efforts to lose weight aren’t working, so in your frustration what do you want to do? EAT! And what happens when you step onto the bathroom scale and see (yeah!) that you’ve “lost” a few pounds? What do you want to do? EAT! You decide to celebrate your victory with a hot fudge sundae, right? Either way the act of weighing has not served you.” TA pg. 74

This describes what I’ve experienced quite thoroughly. At times I can detach myself from the mastery of the scale in these instances and allow it to simply be a feedback tool, but at other times it simply does exactly as described above. It is a fine balancing act for me. I would like it if the scale would have no power over me. At this point in my journey I’m concentrating on the 0-5 eating being “scale”.

Write your understanding of the grace principle of observation and correction.
I simply acknowledge and note when I have made a choice that works contrary to 0-5 eating. I try to take note what I did and why I did it. This is my way of acknowledging before God that I have not been obedient and say “sorry”.

Correction (which I haven’t noted as much as observations) is what I can do different next time so I don’t make the same mistake again. It essentially is the conclusion of “sorry” as I repent and turn away… I think it is time to take note of corrections more often so I can change and grow more.

“A grace-oriented approach allows us to observe our behavior and correct it when we recognize that it does not serve our goals or God’s purpose for us.” TA pg 79

"Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat." F. Scott Fizgerald

MARCH - TW ch 15

March 15th:

Well, today started off with good intentions. And could certainly have gone worse then it did! I was decorating my daughter's bday cake starting at 8:30am and was determined to wait for hunger and not snack on any of the candies, cake or icing in front of me. I did get hungry around 9:30am and decided I was just going to go for what I was craving and what I had been very good at resisting—the candy and cake! I was okay with that choice for today even if it wasn’t all that healthy! Then I was determined to wait for hunger for my next time of eating… I’m pretty sure I was near empty by 2pm and snacked on some of the party food. I definitely wasn’t practising conscious eating however. Then after the party I finished off the day with ‘supper’ and didn’t get stuffed but was a little “junk”-ed out! Anyways, I quit there and haven’t eaten anything since 5pm. I hope I’ll get hungry at a reasonable time tomorrow and am determined, with God’s help and for His glory alone, to have an “on-track” day tomorrow. I know there will be a bit of a challenge as I am hosting company for dinner which will take a bit to ensure I’m hungry at that time… So, we’ll see how it goes. I also have to be careful as I tend to want to eat after company.

One observation I can probably make for today is that I had a bit of the “after company” eating at 4pm. I was exhausted, didn’t feel like I’d really enjoyed my food when the party was on (basically wasn’t eating in present time) and so I was craving to taste the food. I’m not sure I even really savoured the food then as I was in such a rut. I’m okay with just moving past this and chalking it up to a “party day” but if I was to do a correction it would probably be first and foremost to not eat during the party, but rather save my eating for afterward. That would probably have cut down on the amount I ate regardless.

That’s about it for today! Looking forward to a good one tomorrow!

MARCH - TW ch 8

March 8th:

Yeah! I had a full day of 0-5 eating! The last two days of reading have just really drove home to me what TW is all about. I have come to the conclusion I really wasn’t following much of TW at all the past month. I was following some hunger/fullness but not really applying all the concepts that TW has to offer. I’m feeling SOOOO excited again! I remember all the “aha” moments in November as I read the book daily. I’m back there again and learning so much about myself and really know this is the place to be! Praise God! I’m feeling very thankful!

What a powerful quote on p. 75 “As we surrender our hearts fully to His Spirit, we continue now to build in the strength of the Lord. He knows our hearts. He wants to give us His strength and He doesn’t expect us to succeed apart from Him.” I find this very encouraging!

Also, the verse in 2 Cor. 10:5 “we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” resonates with me too.

Some of my answers I could relate to (from the list of beliefs about food/eating/weight that participants had shared on p. 78):
* Chocolate makes me feel better.
* Once I eat one potato chip (or in my case one bite of cookie etc.) I won’t be able to stop.
* I always gain weight during the holidays.
* Losing weight is so difficult.
* I always gain weight back after I lose it.

Now the exercise the REALLY excited me the most today was the Planning for Trials Exercise. I think it is an AWESOME exercise that actually makes me feel quite empowered. I was talking with my husband, Jon, last night saying how it just feels like this whole weight issue/food has mastery over me and I know God wants nothing to master me except HIM! So, it is a challenge for me to find ways to deal with temptation. So, here are my answers to the "Planning for Trials Exercise" pg 81:

Trigger: Supper is ready, but I’m not hungry yet.
Emotions: I feel impatient, the pull of food is like a magnet.
Godly strategy: I could go to my BR (far away from the dinner table) and pray, do devos. Another option would be to have a cup of herbal tea and sit at the table and visit with the family.

Trigger: Eating out at a restaurant.
Emotions: I feel like I must clean my plate to get my $$’s worth.
Godly strategy: Eat only half the amount, eat the best parts! Pack the leftovers of course.

Trigger: Offered something when I’m not at “0”.
Emotions: I feel the magnetism toward food and also guilt if I say “no”.
Godly strategy: Just say “NO thank you!!!!”

Trigger: After company I usually dig into another helping of dessert in front of the TV.
Emotions: I feel the magnetism, the greed for food and very tired out wanting to relax.
Godly strategy: A better response would probably be to have a bath and relax and pray there….or have a herbal tea in front of the TV.

Trigger: Baked goodies are calling my name for a taste-test.
Emotions: I feel greed, impatience (“I want it NOW!”).
Godly strategy: I should leave the room, go to BR and spend tiem in prayer. Wait for “0”.

Trigger: I want to eat it ALL!!
Emotions: I feel GREEDY!!!
Godly strategy: I should leave the room, go to BR and spend tiem in prayer. Wait for “0”.

Trigger: I am tired out and just want to eat to get some extra energy or to just move on with the day.
Emotions: I feel tiredness, grumpiness, impatience.
Godly strategy: I think a better response would be for me to have a bath or to have a nap to rest up. Or just have a little tea to get me by….I’m taking to herbal teas as you can tell!

MARCH - TW ch 7

March 7th:

I’m not sure if I’m an emotional eater. I don’t need ANY emotions to trigger eating!!! If there is food tempting me it will most likely master me and be eaten regardless of emotions. The emotional eating exercise didn’t resonate with me because I can’t picture myself eating just because of these emotions. If I did feel like eating I know what I’d reach for is something sugary. However I do know that being tired is definitely a time of weakness for me. I’ll grab anything. I just can’t pinpoint specific foods with specific emotions…except to say that I really gravitate towards sugar always.

I can relate to the “tourist eating” and “eating because it’s there, and I want it now” listed on p. 70. Those are probably my main areas of weakness.

“I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” Phil 4:13

“Rather than condemn or reject, observe and correct.” P. 73

A reminder of what fat machinery is: Conditioned or habitual responses, Beliefs, Past Stories, Failures.

FEBRUARY - Getting started!

Getting started following "Thin Within" by Judy & Arthur Halliday

I have been keeping a journal since I started this journey and will try to catch up to where I am today in my journey!

February 3rd:
Well, I am determined this is it. I want to lose this weight once and for all. I am sickened by my greed for food, the power/mastery that food has in my life and the lack of self-discipline I have. I know and believe God can do miracles and by His Holy Spirit change me from the inside out. I want to surrender to Him. My goal is to keep a daily journal in this folder to be a reminder for myself in my journey, and also help me keep a degree of accountability with others. My present goal in terms of food records is to have a record of my eating right on my fridge (in plain view of my husband). I know this has helped me in the past, keeping track of whether I'm hungry or not at each eating occasion along with whether or not I have exercised. I want to get back to this. Also, I really want to have a more balanced diet and want to make sure each eating occasion has more value. A verse that really has spoken to me is:

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."
1 Corinthians 10:31

What does it mean "for the glory of God"? I think it means that even in the most simple, daily tasks/goings-on God wants us to glorify Him.....and I think the way I can do this is being obedient to Him. God has impressed on me that obedience is reflected in:

1.) following hunger/fullness cues that He has gifted me with
2.) making wiser more balanced food choices.

Ultimately that means not allowing anything to master me but Christ.....and I know that my greed for certain foods, particularily sugary ones, or even just ANY food when I'm not hungry DOES at times does take a higher place then Christ and master me. I want this to change in my life.

February 4th:
Well, today was a start….not a perfect start, but a start all the same! And I don’t feel too discouraged. I know it always takes a bit to really consistently wait for hunger… A couple things I liked about the way the day went. First, I felt like I ate so much healthier. I enjoyed the foods I ate. I felt I paid fairly good attention to the food/pace I was eating. And I was pleased that I waited for hunger in the morning. That’s not always an easy thing to do.

February 5th:
Today went fairly well. Still ate a bit more in one sitting then I should have, but I think it all worked out.

February 6th:
Well, today was a difficult day for me as I was completely low on energy and tired as I’d been up all night with my sick daughter. I started the day working on just a little bit of sleep. This is always my weakest point for overeating I find. I didn’t wait for hunger for the majority of the day, but was thankful (and surprised) when I got hungry at suppertime. This was very encouraging to me. I made healthy choices for the most part though. And I didn’t eat past a #5 (with the exception of supper). So, that was good too.

February 7th:
Tuesday has been my best day so far… Anyways, I really feel pleased that I have been continuing to make healthy food choices. That’s a step in the right direction.

February 9th - 11th:
Well, so far this week has gone really BAD! I have not been on track at all! But I am going to keep plugging away. I think one of the keys to my failure is weekend laziness or out of routine issues. My other big downfall is definitely when I bake. I love to bake though and am not sure how to manage this one and eat in moderation. I know I have to figure this one out though. The clincher this weekend was a chocolate cake I baked, and then came the buns and then came the banana bread and then the sugar cookies... Once I`m off track it`s REALLY hard to get back on. Anyways, I know the Lord forgives and desires me to keep plugging away! Not giving up here! It`s just one bad week! I`ve got lots more good ones to come.

February 14th:
Well, that doesn’t look like a very good eating day! Anyways, it was a special day and kind of hard to be on track, particularily since I didn’t start the day hungry. Would have helped to have been hungry for breakfast!

February 17th:
I stepped on the scale and was mortified to see 173lbs! Ugh! What is going on! I just can’t seem to get things back on track… Feels like a useless battle at times…. Sigh

February 19th:
That brings me to Tuesday… I stepped on the scale this morning and was 171lbs. Quite discouraging actually. I know I’m not in the “zone” yet. Anyways, I was hungry earlier then usual this morning which was encouraging. I ended up rumbling at 8am which is great. I had a small bowl of cereal. I also did my cardio of 20 minutes jump rope (do 1200 jumps) .

Well, I’m really thankful for how the day went. Yeah, each day I followed my hunger and fullness! That feels REALLY good! I don’t know when the last time was that I did that….probably not since November. Praise God for this small victory! My plan is to fast tomorrow until supper as it is our churches’ day of fasting and prayer. So, I’m guessing I’ll have another day “on the wagon”!

February 20th:
Well today was a day of fasting and prayer….so eating wasn’t really an issue! What an awesome day of time spent with the Lord it was! And in the evening I had such a wonderful bible study with two new believers. It was all about God’s character being the foundation of our faith. I knew it was going to be a pretty big study for these ladies and God has been speaking in so many different ways on this topic to me—through Sunday morning sermon, through both bible study guides I’m working through etc…..all in one week! It was really awesome to unpack it with these ladies and I know that the time of prayer and fasting was used by God to help focus my prayer for this study. So PTL!

I rumbled MANY times throughout the day, starting at 8:30am . Pretty much rumbled every 2 hours through the day…..interesting observation I must say! Something for me to remember in the future. I also got my cardio in today, skipping rope for my regular 20 minutes (1200 jumps). So, that was good too.

February 21st:
I was determined to have another on-track day, so as I headed out to the school to volunteer I just brought along a yogurt and plastic spoon in case I got hungry. Didn’t end up eating it despite rumbling at 10:30am as it wasn’t convenient…

February 23rd:
I’m definitely disappointed with how today went. I started out the day with good intentions and did wait for hunger, but then as I did some experimental cooking I taste-tested food which kind of lead down a slippery slope.

I’m feeling a little anxious about tomorrow as meals are a bit more structured tomorrow….eating out for lunch and supper (not in a restaurant but elsewhere). So, it will be a little more difficult to time eating when I’m hungry. If I start out right, being hungry prior to lunch I should be okay. I know that hot dog, chips and juice are on the menu for lunch….so I’ll try to keep the amount down, maybe skip the chips and aim for ½ the hot dog. We’ll see. Then in the evening it’s a potluck at church….that one will be a little more difficult to control the amount of food. I will need to be very careful tomorrow to make sure this weekend doesn’t turn into the same as last! My aim for weight by the end of next week is down to 167 lbs. Hopefully I’ll turn the corner on that and get back to that 165 lbs really soon, then start working on new weight to lose! Weight loss is SOOOO hard! It’s crazy!

February 23rd - 28th:
Not a very good week in regards to eating…..