Temptation Zones

#1. LATE NIGHT POPCORN MUNCHIES
Popcorn munchies on weekends after the kids are in bed...a treat I always seem to gravitate towards. I usually cave in IMMEDIATELY to the craving. I don't even try to fight it. I get sucked into a TV show/movie and tune out the voice of the Holy Spirit.

In the future I can prepare for victory, aware that I'm going to fight this temptation by...

• SAVING my appetite for this popcorn treat (eating within 0-5)

or

• BATTLING this craving by first going to the bedroom and reading God's word/praying and then GETTING MY HANDS BUSY! Grab some laundry and fold it, work on a craft, write out some kind of organization list or do some music planning while watching the show, pull out some cards to write encouragement notes to friends, write a letter to a friend/family member from far away while watching the show.

#2. SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR...more more more....
Another time of temptation is the continued lust for more sugar. My body just doesn't want to stop. In the past I sometimes try to replace the urge with another substitute food...but in the end it becomes a long string of eating mess ups, which usually ends up still eating the food that was on my "no, no" list...and in the end overeating far too much. Sometimes I just go straight to binging on the sweets I'm craving.

In the future I can carve out a reasonable amount of dessert as a boundary line and stick to my guns with it - ex. 2 cookies, 1 cup ice cream, 1 piece cake etc. MODERATION! And if my craving continues, STOP and PRAY and FEAST on God's word. I can go to the bedroom and journal, pray, read, listen to a sermon on file etc.

#3. FOOD PLEASE PICK-ME-UP....I'm tired!
One more situation I struggle with is eating when I'm tired as a pick-me-up. I'm VERY vulnerable. I MUST realize that food does NOT give me the energy I'm seeking. It simply soothes my taste-buds and feels good temporarily.

Instead I must find a way to be truly revitalized. Lie down, close my eyes, pray, listen to music, relax, listen to a sermon...

REMEMBER:
No food will satisfy my heart nor fill the emptiness in my soul. That is what Jesus Christ is for. He is "real meat" and the "bread of life" and I am to feed on Him. (TLT pg 7)

Some verses that have been an encouragement to me the past day or so and which I have tucked away in memory now and want to continue chewing on and feasting on...

"Your words were found and I ate them, and Your words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart; for I have been called by Your name, O LORD God of hosts." Jeremiah 15:16

"I have not departed from the command of His lips; I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my necessary food." Job 23:12

TW Summer Study - day 7

Day Seven ~ My Body, God's Restoration Underway

The person on the path of God's provision, as we have seen, may experience a "two steps forward and one back" movement, but the direction is set. TW pg 64

Oh boy can I relate to that!!! My journey to surrender my body to the Lord has certainly been this kind of momentum...and, praise God, in the past year has also been with a set direction. To finally be persevering through the "one step back moments" is a huge victory that I can only attribute to God's grace and empowering.

The two words that kept on going through my head over and over again after I finished reading this chapter were "GLORIOUS RUINS" (as quoted by A.W. Tozer). I know that sin has such a destructive effect in my life, overeating being just one of many that I struggle with, but thinking of myself, a child of God, as "glorious ruins" is awesome! God loves me. He has made me in His image. He wants me to be transformed into His image more and more, to glorify Him. So, I give Him the ruins of my life... I want to continue ruminating on this thought.

This chapter began to push the reader to examine WHY the ruins exist...bringing us back to the concept of fat machinery. The ones I've been dealing with lately are:

Conditioned/Habitual response:

* wanting to munch on popcorn when I settle down to watch TV (especially on weekends)

* nibbling on food at the counter as I prepare the dinner meal for the family

* dinner time and weekends are definitely my most challenging times to stay on course with 0-5 as I desire to eat with the family and meals are often a little more "hearty"...plus I tend to eat more sweets at these times.

Beliefs:
* a rebellious attitude that says "I want it" despite the known consequences

* "I need sugar" to feel better/to finish off the meal etc.

Failures:

* apathy sets in at times and I eat because I feel like my efforts are not reaping the rewards I desire, so "why try?"

Each of these reasons [we choose to eat when we aren't hungry], if allowed to go unchallenged, acts as a termite-infested cedar beam in God's temple. TW pg 70

I think the next two chapters begin to set the course for renewing of the mind with truth and taking each of these triggers captive to Christ. It was a good exercise to take a fresh look at what fat machinery has taken root in my life in recent months. It is time for me to respond rather than react.

I appreciated the scripture highlighted at the close of this chapter. It gives me much hope as I know that on my own, in my own strength, I have failed and will continue to fail time and time again. But God's not leaving me helpless and unequipped for this journey, in this struggle to surrender all to Him.

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness." 2 Peter 1:3

TW Summer Study - day 6

Day Six ~ My Body, God's Temple

The following quote really resonated with me,

You are an expression of His glory, created in His image to know Him personally and to make Him known. (TW pg 57)

This chapter began to introduce the concept of "fat machinery".

Anything that pushes us toward eating when we aren't hungry, when we're not yet at that empty 0 runs counter to our godly goals. (TW pg 57)

Four categories were unpacked: conditioned or habitual responses, beliefs, past stories and failures.

An easy way for me to view fat machinery is to think of it as triggers. I'll unpack them a little more in the next chapter post.

In the meantime another thing that stood out to me was the portion or the chapter in regards to the scale. I feel bad because this past week I slid back to using the scale. I was hoping I had finally moved to a phase of the journey where I no longer needed or felt compelled to use it.

Last week's weigh-in was a bit of a roller coaster ride for me. I felt like I'd been so consistent and was in such a good place with TW and my body and with the Lord. To see 159lbs looking back at me on the scale was discouraging. I felt like my "obedience" was not being reflected on the scale. Anyways, I did not slide into a deep pit of muck and mire like I have at other times on my journey...but it did throw me for a spin. It certainly pushed me to make some observations about why I am this weight. I now feel it was a needed reality check.

I still don't exactly know what role I want the scale to play in my journey. Maybe I need these reality checks every now and then.... The following quote from this chapter spoke to this approach to the scale...

We often think things are better or worse than they actually are, so prayerfully using the scales as a reality check from time to time is OK. TW pg 59

I like the concept of the scale being my "reality check" not my "club of condemnation" (or excuse for "permission to celebrate with food").

Once again I feel God's peace and perspective flooding my soul. I want to continue letting this journey flow as it flows, without forcing it into a specific box or form.

Willful Rebellion lined up with God's Truth

Day 14 of Thin Within is called "Choosing to Build on Truth." Here's a quote from Thin Within on pg 148:

The next time you face the pantry, refrigerator, or cookie jar, and you're really not hungry, ask yourself what you believe about your quest to become a vibrant, healthy temple of God. Ask yourself (and the Lord) what actions would follow if you were to believe what God's Word of truth says about you? God has promised to empower you so that your actions reap results that give glory to Him and an abiding joy within.

The Thin Within book has an exercise on pg 148 where you list your belief, what actions follow and then what the results are. I've done this exercise before and found it quite powerful. That being said, it's time to pick apart some of the thoughts that I noticed line the walls of my mind in certain times of temptations and then find scriptures to line up my thinking with the mind of Christ, keeping in mind that I am under the canopy of God's grace. So here goes... When I'm willfully rebellious I am thinking...and Scripture says...


1.) I (SELF) am the most important. My desires are the most important. I want what I want when I want it...and I get what I want.

Jesus replied: “'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Matthew 22:37

For you, O LORD, are the Most High over all the earth; you are exalted far above all gods. Psalm 97:9

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; Proverbs 3:5

everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made. Isaiah 43:7

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

God is above all. I am His creation. My job is to glorify Him in all I do, trusting Him and loving Him with my heart, soul, mind and strength. It is NOT glorifying to Him when I gratify the desires of my flesh.


2.) I've tried calling out to God in the midst of temptation before and it hasn't worked, so why bother trying?

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1
Corinthians 10:13

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; James 1:2-7

Why bother??? Because God promises that perseverance is developped and perseverance must finish its work so that I may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Plus I am being called to press on, forgetting what is behind (all those past failures) so that I may win the prize (eternal life). That's worth it! God promises a way out of temptation, an escape route. I need to keep pressing on and looking for that way out and praying that promise. And then of course there is the truth recalled in the previous point...my greatest purpose in life is to glorify God in all I do.


3.) It will make me feel so much better (to eat that ice cream etc)--more energy, more enjoyment etc.

There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death. Proverbs 14:12

Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more. Eph 4:19

Taste and see that the LORD is good; Psalm 34:8

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. Psalm 63:5

Open wide your mouth and I will fill it. Psalm 81:10

Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. Isaiah 55:2

It may make me feel better temporarily, but ultimately I will have a continual lust for more, food will never truly satisfy and it will lead to continued captivity. God promises to satisfy me more then even the richest foods. HE will fill me up.


4.) Just get it done and over with. I can't resist. Why bother?

"everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made." Isaiah 43:7

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Gal. 5:1

and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:27

Why bother??? Because God created me for His glory and I am to glorify Him in ALL I do, even my eating and drinking. Because, once again perseverance must finish its work so that I may be complete and mature spiritually, not lacking anything. God desires me to be FREE, not a captive! "Don't give the devil a foothold!" has been resonating with me today.


5.) God doesn't care about this one time, does He? He'd forgive me anyways, right?

Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Romans 12:9

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Eph 4:30

Of course He cares about this one time! One time piles on top of another time on top of another time which becomes a mountain eventually! God is saddened by my sin. He wants me to hate what is evil and cling to what is good and never give the devil a foothold.


6.) I sin. God forgives. I can count on that!

What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. Romans 6:1-4

What a rotten attitude I have! God forgives me. I certainly can count on that. But it is “greasy grace” to think that this is license to continue sinning with no concern for true repentance. If I love God with my whole heart, soul, mind and strength I will NOT want to grieve Him and I will want to turn to Him to satisfy me and fill me up. I will want to move far away from sin and ever so much closer to Him!



This willful rebellion is just one of the temptation points, triggers (fat/flesh machinery), that I face on a regular basis. My prayer is, "Keep your servant, Christina, also from willful sins; may they not rule over me." (Psalm 19:13)

My next step is to formulate a plan in the midst of willful rebellion.

So, what is my plan of action, breaking a link in the chain??? I guess I need to apply these truths of Scripture to these moments now. It's test time! I need to be a "doer" of God's Word, not just a hearer.

Today I was standing at the counter and was wanting to reach for some sweet treats and the verse that popped into my head was "don't give the devil a foothold." I think that may be one of the truths I will have near and dear to my heart for awhile. Because that is what I'm doing when I give in with those small little temptations. It may seem insignificant and small, but in all honesty, my willful rebellion in those moments are giving a foothold (which I liken to a rung on a ladder) to Satan. And I want no part in that!!!

I plan to get a small spiral bound notebook and write some of the Scriptures that seem most benenficial down on these pages, and attach it to a necklace of some sort so I can wear it around the kitchen! That's when I'm most tempted so I thought that may be a good reminder for me to really apply these truths. I'll get that notebook asap. Just have to get to the store. The first verse I'm going to print out is "and do not give the devil a foothold." I will aim to memorize whichever scriptures are in this little notebook.

And I will also continue watching and praying, putting up that "keep away" sign, saying aloud as Jesus did "Get away Satan, for it is written..." and praying the promises of the Lord.

Well, that's enough from me today. I appologize to those of you who read my blog, for being so long winded. I guess this blog is just my way of processing everything (essentially my journal) and it all spews out here, each and every thought that runs through my head and heart!!!

The Lord's Table~Day 24, 25, 26

Day 24~Vigilance

"Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Matthew 26:41

Watch and pray. Watch and pray. Watch and pray.

How many times do I need to say that to get that through my head????!!!

The following question is asked: What are some specific areas of temptation that you need to be watchful and pray about?

That question sure sounds a lot like the Thin Within term "fat or flesh machinery" (what causes me to turn to food when I'm not hungry).

My usual (!) answers: tiredness, social occasions, evening munchies, taste testing etc...

Here's a great verse to add to the "watch and pray" advisory that Jesus gives...

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. 1 Peter 5:8-9

The magnetic pull of food is a reflection of the power of Satan's lies and what lines the walls of my mind. Yet how encouraging it is to know that he CANNOT make me do anything. As the Beth Moore "Breaking Free" study highlights...

"Satan does not have the power or authority to lock believers in a prison of oppression. He works overtime to talk us into staying because he lacks the power to keep us there. Satan can presume no authority over Christians. He only has authority by invitation. He woos us into prison cells, but he cannot make us enter nor force us to stay. Unfortunately, Satan doesn't require a written invitation. Failure to post a "keep away" sign through Bible study and prayer can be invitation by default. Do not misunderstand me to say that Satan can inhabit the mind of a believer. Most definitely he cannot. The Word suggests, however, that he can strongly encourage ideas, doubts and thoughts into our minds.... Why does Satan have to use lies? Because he is a totally defeated foe... Lies are all Satan has. That's why he has to be so adept at using them." Breaking Free workbook by Beth Moore pg 192, 193

I'm sensing a theme here! Be vigilant (watch and pray) about what lines the walls of my mind. This is my "keep away" sign!

Application:
Some things that I can do to "drag every known sin, and temptation into the light" and be vigilant are...

• truth journalling, noting what is lining the walls of my mind and applying the truth of Scripture to each and every thought and taking it captive for Christ
  

• continued bible reading/prayer (especially early morning)~be saturated
  

• memorization (I still haven't applied this, but really want to)

• pre-plan for trials

• focus on conscious eating

Can you tell I'm a list-maker??? I'm the person who actually makes a rough copy and GOOD copy of my shopping lists!!!! I know I'm crazy! It's just the way I function best:-)


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Day 25~The Greatness of God

This lesson focuses on, of course, the greatness of God:-)

"Those who do not see the greatness of God become great in their own eyes." TLT workbook pg 81

I LOVE Isaiah 40. It is a wonderful description of God. Here are a few things I higlighted about Who God is as I read through this chapter...

• Shepherd (cares, leads, tends, nurtures)

• Creator

• All-knowing

• All-wise

• Big

• Great

• Nothing/No one can compare

• King (enthroned above all)

• Above all in authority

• No equal

• He lifts us up

• He gives us strength and hope

I am left wondering if I have a false view of God when I am being gluttonous. Two lies that came to mind were:
God doesn't care about just this one time.
Calling out to God in the midst of temptation doesn't work. He doesn't answer.

Both of those are lies which I will tackle in my next post.


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Day 26~Break the Chain

What an awesome lesson this was. It's amazing how God ties a whole bunch of teaching together to speak to me.

Day 14 of Thin Within is entitled "Choosing to Build on Truth." It emphasizes how beliefs lead to action which lead to results. Are my beliefs grounded in the Truth of God's Word?

Sounds a bit like what God has been unpacking for me in the Breaking Free study, doesn't it?! The walls of our minds are never bare. So, what lines the walls of my mind? Satan's lies or God's truth? I must examine what lines the walls of my mind (recognize the captor), stand in agreement with God, tear down the lies, put of the truth of God's Word, and thought must bow to the Truth.

And this sounds quite similar to what I've read about the concept of "truth journalling." I know Heidi has mentioned it a number of times in her blog. What I gather is that I am to write out my thoughts/feelings, discern whether it is a lie or a truth and then apply the truth of Scripture to each statement.

Today's TLT lesson is right in line with all these teachings.

You and I have had a problem with overeating. And if we examine times of failure we will always find a chain of events that lead up to the "crash." TLT workbook pg 83

Here's a destructive chain that was described in Genesis 13:8-13 and the points that Mike Cleveland notes...

1. Separate from fellowship
2. See something sinful and focus on it
3. Set out toward it
4. Pitch our tent near it and live in it
5. Taken captive by it

I am learning to notice when links in an accident chain are developing and to break at least one link to prevent an overeating accident. TLT workbook pg 84

I can relate this to the TW chapter 14 exercise...
Break the chain under the canopy of God's grace by lining up my beliefs with the truth of God's Word which leads to actions (obedience) which leads to results (holy living).

Relating this same teaching from TLT to the Breaking Free emphasis on asking the question of what lines the walls of our minds...
Break the chain by tearing down lies and replacing them with the truth of God's Word.

I can also relate this same teaching to the the concept of "truth journalling" by Barb Raveling.
Beliefs lead to feelings which lead to actions.
My understanding is the premise is to line up beliefs with truth.


Hmmm.... Do you sense a theme here??? God is definitely speaking pretty loud and clear it seems:-)

Onto my "assignment" from God! Tearing down the lies of Satan (breaking a link in the chain) and replace with the Truth of God's Word! This may take some time. I got a bit of a head start today (and will post that tomorrow!) but I can see it's going to be a lot of work! But I trust it will be well worth the effort!

Lord, please help me as I search Your Word for truth. Please guide me to Scripture that speaks to each and every one of Satan's lies that I have allowed to line the walls of my mind. Give me discernment and understanding. Help me see how GREAT You are! I pray that I would begin to have the mind of Christ and experience the freedom that You desire for each of Your children. In Jesus name, amen.

The Lord's Table~Day 18,19,20,21

Day 18~Setting Captives Free I

Slaves are not free people, but rather they have a master and must do his bidding. I remember how a food image would lodge in my brain, and I could try to pray it away, ignore it, or read the Bible, but it kept after me until I would eventually give in and obey the demands to indulge. Then I would feel bad and ask for God's forgiveness, but soon after I would be indulging again over a different food thought, over and over. This is slavery to sin. Have you had this type of "slavery" experience? TLT workbook pg 57

YES! YES! YES! I can completely relate to this description.

This lesson highlights the following verses...

To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." They answered him, "We are Abraham's descendants and have never been slaves of anyone. How can you say that we shall be set free?" Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." John 8:31-36

It is the TRUTH, Jesus Christ, Who sets us free!

So this lesson asks the question: What are some lies you have believed in your overeating?

Lies...

• If I don't eat it now it will continue tempting me.

• Eating MORE of something will somehow be MORE satisfying.

• I'm tired and eating will bring enjoyment and relaxation.

Truth...

• Eating it NOW does temporarily remove the temptation... But too often another temptation is lying in wait! It doesn't solve the dilemma!
• Eating MORE of something definitely is NOT more satisfying. Rather it brings me a sore belly and feelings of shame and condemnation.
• Eating when I'm tired DOES bring me a degree of enjoyment and relaxation. But ultimately it also brings with it the baggage of guilt and condemnation as I know it is not the best choice at this time. God has many more provisions that I can enjoy and be refreshed by in those moments. Food is not the wisest choice.
  

I really appreciated this scripture as well...

Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." Jeremiah 29:12-14

I need to keep calling on God, seeking Him, praying to Him WITH ALL MY HEART. He WILL answer. He WILL reveal truth. He WILL restore me.


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Day 19~Setting Captives Free II--From Prison to Praise

Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.
He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom
and broke away their chains.
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for men,
for he breaks down gates of bronze
and cuts through bars of iron. Psalm 107:13-16

The above passage shows that God responds to His people crying out to Him by:

• humbling their hearts
  

• saving them

• bringing them out of darkness
  

• breaking their chains

• breaking down gates of bronze and cutting bars of iron

I'm so weak. I get so mad at myself. It seems I start the day with such resolve (and prayer may I add) but then somehow this resolve just keeps weakening as the day goes by, especially the instant I'm hungry, the instant sugar is in front of me, the instant a thought/lust for eating enters my mind.

I keep calling and calling out to the Lord. I know lessons are being learned through this. It is not for nothing. I'm enslaved to my sinful lusts. I'm still trying to be the lord of my life in this area. I'm still doing things MY way. I'm in a prison right now. I need God to set me free. I need a true humble, contrite, repentant heart. I need to take each thought captive for Christ.

He WILL humble and save me. He WILL bring me out of this darkness. He WILL break the bands apart. He WILL shatter the gates of bronze and cut the bars of iron. I trust God CAN and WILL do this.


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Day 20~Setting Captives Free III

"Now you shall eat in this manner: with your loins girded, your sandals on your feet, and your staff in your hand; and you shall eat it in haste--it is the LORD'S Passover." Exodus 12:11

This verse highlights how the Israelites were to be ready for flight, ready to escape slavery. They were to be ready to move AWAY from Egypt.

So how do I "eat my way out of slavery?" Answer: Feed on the Word of God! The way that you and I today, "eat the Lamb," is to take Scripture and chew on it, and apply it to our lives... Freedom follows fullness... We can't "try" our hardest not to overeat and be successful; we will always fail. But we can "eat" our way out of slavery. TLT workbook pg65

But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers. Psalm 1:2-3

What an awesome verse! I need to be hooked up to the true water source. Then I will yield fruit and prosper. This is all about walking with God moment by moment, capturing each and every thought for Christ, and saying "Get away satan, for it is written..."

God impressed the following thoughts on my heart this day...

Why do I leave this time, first thing in the morning, as the main time I feed on His word...yet I physically eat a breakfast, lunch and a supper and sometimes even a snack in between. I feel challenged to have a spiritual breakfast, lunch and supper, filling up on His word throughout the day to keep me going. Maybe my spiritual supper should be one of my biggest meals, just as it is physically for me. For the evening is the time I feel most tempted.

I've been trying to follow through with this the past two days and it has been wonderfully satisfying to fill up on God's word more frequently.

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Day 21~Focus

This lesson is all about fixing my eyes on Jesus. If I focus on the pull of the sin then I'm pulled under. I need focus on Christ. He will help me rise above.

Application for me would be...

• capturing each thought for Christ (surrendering each and every thought to Him)

• spiritual breakfast, lunch and supper

• constant prayer, spending time with God moment by moment

Over the past few days I have felt a little dragged down as I studied the TLT materials. It emphasizes the seriousness of sin and the need for repentance. TW, in contrast, emphasizes the grace of God in the face of our failures and sins and the need to observe and correct rather then beat ourselves up with the club of condemnation. I find TW is quite motivating in its approach. Yet I also know I have needed this TLT material to highlight the ugliness of my sin and to highlight my need for further surrender and turning to the Lord. So I continue to pray for a truly repentant heart. And I need to remember to focus on the TW tool of observation and correction as this has really helped me in the past. I've been completely bypassing that tool lately!

Off to Mexico

I think this is the last post for awhile (probably for about 2 weeks) as we head off bright and early on Monday morning.

We're flying out of the U.S. so we have a day of driving first. Then Tuesday is our "BIG" travel day. I'm a little concerned about Tuesday as it is a full day with lots of switches and swaps between shuttle bus to the airport (at 4:00am!!!! *eek*), planes, buses, and taxis....and once we're in Mexico there will be the huge language barrier that will add a few more challenges! Lord, help us please!

Here's my plan of action for 0-5 eating challenges this upcoming month...

1.) Spend time with the Lord.
I aim to spend time daily in God's word, the TW book, the "Breaking Free" study (by Beth Moore), and in prayer. I really hope I find time to have regular and quality time with the Lord. I KNOW this is the key to keeping on track, living in surrender to His will.

2.) Eat 0-5
I aim to of course eat 0-5 as much as possible.

3.) Rely on the Lord for strength.
One of my biggest concerns is the time we're at the orphanage as I believe we'll have a lot less control over the times we eat, even over the food we're served. We are spending 12 days there, and this includes all our meals.

Will snacks be available at any time?
Am I going to be tempted by too much food?
Will I be able to eat the appropriate amounts so that I will be hungry for mealtimes?
Will I feel the need to "please the hostess"?

This is going to be a good challenge which I KNOW I will need to rely on the Lord for help with! One step at a time in the Lord's strength alone.

4.) Eat SLOWLY and savour each bite.
I need to remember that there is no benefit to eating delicious food fast, shovelling as much in as possible....it only means excess food in my belly but the taste of it won't be any different then if I eat it slowly and savour each bite. In fact I'll likely enjoy my meal all the more if I savour each and every morsel:-) Plus a bonus is we'll save money as we eat smaller portions when we eat out at restaurants:-)

5.) Savour the environment.
I want to also savour the environment I'm in, taking note of people around me, the smells, the sounds etc. This should heighten my enjoyment at mealtimes and make for lasting memories.

6.) Mealtimes are a time to connect with others.
I want to concentrate on my family at mealtimes, putting my fork (or maybe the taco!) down between bites. I will make sure each meal is not about just simply eating...but also about connecting with my loved ones.

7.) Drink water.
I'll keep hydrated...LOTS OF WATER will be needed this month!!!!

8.) Keep active.
I will enjoy lots of walking and snorkelling which should keep me in good shape this next month.

I am so excited about all that God has in store. I'm looking forward to our family's opportunity to minister to the children at the orphange and surrounding area...actually at this point I think we're all looking forward to that more then our family vacation portion! What an incredible opportunity we are able to take hold of. Thank you Lord!

I will be remembering many of you in prayer over the next few weeks... I'm definitely not forgetting about you as I head off;-) I know that, in perfect timing, God will remind me of much of the wisdom I've gleaned from my fellow TW journey companions, my sisters in Christ!

So for now...hasta luego ("see" you later)!

Progress

My friend Marcie noticed my discouragement over the past while and gave me this wise advice:
"Maybe you can make a list of all the positive changes you have made--in order to SEE how far you have come and not get discouraged."

What awesome advice! I have decided to do a bit of looking back at where I've come from, the progress I've made and also look forward to where I want to go from here.

What I have learned:

I feel free from the consuming thoughts about what and when I’m going to eat. I don’t think about food all that much anymore actually! I feel like I’ve placed food in a right place in my life, relinquishing the mastery that it once had in my life.
"'Everything is permissible for me'—but not everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissible for me'—but I will not be mastered by anything.” 1 Cor 6:12

I tend to eat within 0-5 most times. In fact eating 0-5 has become more natural over the past two months, with the exception of this past week! Praise God for this progress!

I usually apply the keys to conscious eating--sitting down to eat, reducing distractions, making sure my mind and body are relaxed, paying attention to the foods I’m eating, eating slowly and savouring each bite. This has all become more second nature as well, praise the Lord!

I have learned to observe and correct, generally withholding the club of condemnation and rather choosing to dwell on God’s grace and mercy and umpteen chances to start over again.
"Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord'--and you forgave the guilt of my sin." Psalm 32:1-5

I have pinpointed triggers (aka “fat machinery”) that often nudge me outside 0-5 eating.

I have become more intentional about planning for trials in advance.

I have become more comfortable eating in social situations, finally coming to the place where my focus is on the reason for the occasion (which is usually NOT food!). I have learned to put my fork down and take sips of water between bites and enjoy the company of friends and family.

I have released 17 pounds in the past 3 ½ months.

I have found amazing supportive like-minded friends, surrounding myself with an amazing Christian community.

Oh how I have come to love spending time in God’s word. I have been so hungry for time with Him over the past month in particular. I am also growing in the area of praying scripture, which has been one of my goals for quite some time. I have learned to rely on God for strength, surrendering more of myself to Him. And He has proven Himself so faithful. He really does satisfy so much more then anything else in this world.
“Taste and see that the LORD is good.” Psalm 34:8

Moving Forward

I am beginning to feel God telling me to loosen the grip of some of my more “legalistic” approaches toward TW.

“If you find yourself on the path of your performance, you can jump ship into an ocean of grace, deeper than any sin, broader than any transgression. It is cool, refreshing, and free. It cost our Savior everything, but in His love He offers it freely to us.” TW pg 41

I need to continuing focussing on observing and correcting and experiencing His grace and forgiveness. I know I’ve posted this so many times but some of my favorite quotes are:
I am a LEARNER not a failure.
"Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat." F. Scott Fizgerald
"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil 1:6

This statement really stood out to me last night:
“Thin Within has helped me build my life in the present. It freed me to enjoy and praise God while in process, rather than waiting until I had achieved my goal.” TW pg 42

I need to live in the present, not so consumed with my goals. Even if I stayed at the weight I am right now, yet had a tender obedient heart towards God, I should be praising God and accept myself the way I am and keep the focus on Him and on my heart relationship with Him, not on self.

I am feeling nudged towards letting the scale go until mid-July, allowing 0-5 eating to be my scale. This is an area I truly desire to grow in and have struggled so much with. We’ll see how that goes! This will be a tough one!

I am going to keep my food log private for now, with the hope and prayer that right eating will flow in right relationship with God, rather then needing approval from men.
“Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Gal 1:10
As I kept my food log public I know that I was certainly caring about appearances...which in turn motivated me to make better choices… I know this accountability tool good to a degree as I began to experience God’s victory with the previous mastery of sugary treats. I know progress was made as a result. Now I need to rely on Him and allow 0-5 eating to flow even more naturally in my life.

I also want to work on key #2 to conscious eating: reducing distractions in order to eat in a calm environment.
“Ponder relishing a quiet meal, where you can be sill and know that He is God (Psalm 46:10) when you eat… The Lord wants us to experience both His provisions and His peace.” TW pg 8
I would like to invite God more and more into the entire meal experience 100% of the time.

I continue wanting to practice His presence as well. I want to keep hungering and thirsting for His word and time with Him. I look forward to spending time with Him in His presence as we enjoy more time outdoors in God’s creation over the next two months.

May this verse be true in my life, Lord…
“And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Cor. 3:18

Wednesday update

Here's what I wrote on Sunday...
I'm going to the school to help with the "Taste of Egypt" party. There will be lots of food around. I will maybe just skip/eat a light breakfast that day and enjoy the variety of food samples that will be served in the morning. I'll likely be busy for much of the time, but will probably be eating some samples a little later.

Unfortunately, I need to be completely transparent with everyone and say I have really not done well today with my eating. One of my biggest "fat machinery" triggers is tiredness...and that was a huge factor today. I wasn't hungry for breakfast and at 11am (still don't think I was at #0...though I may have been too busy to notice!) when it was time to taste the samples I started to munch... Then on top of that I had some company for lunch...and the munching continued. And then more munching after that...

I thank God for His grace which I know He freely offers me...and boy do I need a lot of it!

Lord, I am so sorry for not being obedient. I choose to follow You. I want my life to be glorifying to You in ALL I say and do. In Jesus name, amen.

Since I just figured out how to post a youtube video properly I'll close off this post with a song which really moved me tonight...

"East to West" by Casting Crowns

Thin Again - ch 4 Questions

Chapter 4:
Conscious Eating Not Compulsive Eating

What does the word “deliver” mean?
a rescue from the power of.

What does the word “freedom” mean?
God rescues us from the things that prevent us from living by faith.

What is “fat machinery”?
Anything that makes you eat when you’re not at “0”. I think of it as triggers. Ones that the author pinpoints are: conditioned and habitual responses, old unworkable beliefs, scales, past experiences and failures.

List any fat machinery that may have contributed to your disordered eating.

1. I bake, I eat—taste test trap…and often the trap continues to lure me if it is a sugary treat.
2. I’ve got to finish up this tempting food item so I’m not going to be tempted by it anymore.
3. It’s mealtime.
I enjoy food a lot and relish hot items hot out of the oven. To wait often means settling for less tasty food. I find baked items continue to tempt me when they are in the house as I have quite a sweet tooth.

4. I’m already off track so it’s license to stay off track!
5. I have failed so often, I will probably fail again.
This one has plagued me over and over again. It’s all about each moment and each choice.

6. Social events.
When it comes to social events I just let my guard down and find it hard to focus on the other, more important, reasons (other then food) for the social time.

7. I don’t want to wait for hunger.
Greed once again at the heart of the matter. Also, at times there are practical reasons. I find those a bit more tricky to deal with.

8. I’m tired and need a pick-me-up.
When I’m tired I find that I figure food will give me that extra energy boost I need….it often does. Eating after hosting company is another thing I’ve been in the habit of. I tend to not enjoy my food as much when I’m hosting (as I focus on all the details and on the company), plus I’ve usually made something extra tasty and sweet, so after company leaves I often just want to relax, kick up my feet and have that one last little treat.

What is true hunger?
“True hunger is a physical sensation in the body caused by the need for food.” TA pg 71

This link describes hunger quite well. I also liked this quick summary of the Weigh Down book's eating when you're hungry approach.

What is appetite?
“Appetite is a habitual desire for some gratification, either of the body or the mind, that food won’t satisfy even though we think it will.” TA pg. 71

How has your bathroom scale been part of your fat machinery?
“What happens when you wake up in the morning, step onto the bathroom scale, and see (arghhh!) that you’ve gained two pounds? You decide that your current efforts to lose weight aren’t working, so in your frustration what do you want to do? EAT! And what happens when you step onto the bathroom scale and see (yeah!) that you’ve “lost” a few pounds? What do you want to do? EAT! You decide to celebrate your victory with a hot fudge sundae, right? Either way the act of weighing has not served you.” TA pg. 74

This describes what I’ve experienced quite thoroughly. At times I can detach myself from the mastery of the scale in these instances and allow it to simply be a feedback tool, but at other times it simply does exactly as described above. It is a fine balancing act for me. I would like it if the scale would have no power over me. At this point in my journey I’m concentrating on the 0-5 eating being “scale”.

Write your understanding of the grace principle of observation and correction.
I simply acknowledge and note when I have made a choice that works contrary to 0-5 eating. I try to take note what I did and why I did it. This is my way of acknowledging before God that I have not been obedient and say “sorry”.

Correction (which I haven’t noted as much as observations) is what I can do different next time so I don’t make the same mistake again. It essentially is the conclusion of “sorry” as I repent and turn away… I think it is time to take note of corrections more often so I can change and grow more.

“A grace-oriented approach allows us to observe our behavior and correct it when we recognize that it does not serve our goals or God’s purpose for us.” TA pg 79

"Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat." F. Scott Fizgerald

Thin Again - ch 1

Here are my answers to the questions at the end of chapter 1:

What is disordered eating?
- preoccupation with food/eating
- food is used to insulate or numb emotional pain
- food is used to satisfy unfulfilled yearnings to be loved, cherished, adored
- food/eating is used to try to achieve some order in a disordered life
- joy/pleasure of eating has been lost
- food/eating cause a disruption in life
- food/eating control us rather then vice versa
- food has become an enemy rather than a friend

Describe your disordered eating.

I can relate to preoccupation with food/eating and food/eating controlling me. I don’t struggle with this on a constant basis…though usually a daily basis.

What are the causes of disordered eating?

Trauma, abuse, having been a very sensitive child, controlling environment, lack of validation of feelings.

List the possible causes of your disordered eating and how they have influenced your eating.

Looking back I see one thing that certainly affected my eating patterns at an early age. I spent my elementary school years in boarding school. I lived by the same schedule as everybody else (a very “controlled” environment…our life was lived as a community so it was very rigid). I was used to eating at certain times, only being able to eat certain things, no freedom to go and grab a snack or make meal choices etc. When I returned to Canada at age 12 I suddenly had that all stripped away. I began to get a little carried away with the “freedom” available in a home environment and also the abundance of “junk” that is a little more readily available in North America. In many ways I wish I was given me a bit more structure and guidance and suggestions on healthy eating habits at this turning point of my life. Age twelve, height 5’6”, I went from a healthy 115 lbs to an overweight 160 lbs in a matter of 2-3 years. I don’t cast any blame, but do notice that this was a turning point for me. And I think the main culprit was truly a change in structure from a controlled environment to a free environment. And then of course the next step was moving out and getting married….yet another step in an even more “free” environment. And my weight spiralled out of control yet more….from 175lbs when I got married to 205lbs on our first wedding anniversary.

Top Left (12 yrs - 115lbs)
Top Right (15 yrs - 160 lbs)
Bottom Left (newly married - 175 lbs)
Bottom Right (1 yr later - 205 lbs)

Summer 2007 at about 175 lbs

At this time in my life, I think the main causes of my disordered eating are generally just my own lack of self-control and rebellion…and also love for food. I find that whenever I face one of my “triggers” (fat machinery – TW chapter 11) I experience disordered eating. So, for example if I’m out for a meal, baked a batch of cookies, feel particularily tired and exhausted, if I have some treats lying around the house….these are the moments that I become preoccupied with food (and getting what I want…right NOW!) and this is when the food almost controls me (feels magnetic).

What is silent hunger and where does it come from?

Our longing for intimacy where our deepest needs for security and significance can be substantially met. It is one of our most basic human needs. God intends our deepest need for intimacy to be met in relationships, heavenly and earthly.

What are impediments to intimacy?

Rejection, death, abuse, enmeshment, abortion, adoption.

How have these impediments impacted your life? What counterfeits have you turned to in attempting to satisfy your God-given need for intimacy?

I don’t think I can relate to any of these at this time in my life.

View my Daily Food Log here.

MARCH - TW ch 17

March 17th:

I started off the day waiting for hunger. I didn’t feel/hear a rumble but pretty sure I was physically hungry on “0” while out doing grocery shopping. I went out to Tim Horton’s with a friend after the shopping and hadn’t had breakfast yet and didn’t want anything heavy or sugar-laden to eat, so I opted for an apple/cinnamon herbal tea (no sugar/cream). When I got home at lunch-time I was RAVENOUS and ate a reasonable amount. So I think I’m off to an okay start for the day/week. I am praying for continued surrender in this area. I am thankful for God’s strength and faithfulness through this process so far. I’m not sure what I think of the hunger graph exercise at this point. I am trying so hard to have 100% 0-5 eating days, so to track it seems a bit pointless in many ways. I think the way I’m tracking already works quite well. I don’t think I have a desire to eat at specific times…but rather my weakness lies with what kinds of food are lying around the house! I still want to minimize sugar consumption this week and really want to end a meal with nothing (no sugar-y dessert or even fruit).

MARCH - TW ch 8

March 8th:

Yeah! I had a full day of 0-5 eating! The last two days of reading have just really drove home to me what TW is all about. I have come to the conclusion I really wasn’t following much of TW at all the past month. I was following some hunger/fullness but not really applying all the concepts that TW has to offer. I’m feeling SOOOO excited again! I remember all the “aha” moments in November as I read the book daily. I’m back there again and learning so much about myself and really know this is the place to be! Praise God! I’m feeling very thankful!

What a powerful quote on p. 75 “As we surrender our hearts fully to His Spirit, we continue now to build in the strength of the Lord. He knows our hearts. He wants to give us His strength and He doesn’t expect us to succeed apart from Him.” I find this very encouraging!

Also, the verse in 2 Cor. 10:5 “we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” resonates with me too.

Some of my answers I could relate to (from the list of beliefs about food/eating/weight that participants had shared on p. 78):
* Chocolate makes me feel better.
* Once I eat one potato chip (or in my case one bite of cookie etc.) I won’t be able to stop.
* I always gain weight during the holidays.
* Losing weight is so difficult.
* I always gain weight back after I lose it.

Now the exercise the REALLY excited me the most today was the Planning for Trials Exercise. I think it is an AWESOME exercise that actually makes me feel quite empowered. I was talking with my husband, Jon, last night saying how it just feels like this whole weight issue/food has mastery over me and I know God wants nothing to master me except HIM! So, it is a challenge for me to find ways to deal with temptation. So, here are my answers to the "Planning for Trials Exercise" pg 81:

Trigger: Supper is ready, but I’m not hungry yet.
Emotions: I feel impatient, the pull of food is like a magnet.
Godly strategy: I could go to my BR (far away from the dinner table) and pray, do devos. Another option would be to have a cup of herbal tea and sit at the table and visit with the family.

Trigger: Eating out at a restaurant.
Emotions: I feel like I must clean my plate to get my $$’s worth.
Godly strategy: Eat only half the amount, eat the best parts! Pack the leftovers of course.

Trigger: Offered something when I’m not at “0”.
Emotions: I feel the magnetism toward food and also guilt if I say “no”.
Godly strategy: Just say “NO thank you!!!!”

Trigger: After company I usually dig into another helping of dessert in front of the TV.
Emotions: I feel the magnetism, the greed for food and very tired out wanting to relax.
Godly strategy: A better response would probably be to have a bath and relax and pray there….or have a herbal tea in front of the TV.

Trigger: Baked goodies are calling my name for a taste-test.
Emotions: I feel greed, impatience (“I want it NOW!”).
Godly strategy: I should leave the room, go to BR and spend tiem in prayer. Wait for “0”.

Trigger: I want to eat it ALL!!
Emotions: I feel GREEDY!!!
Godly strategy: I should leave the room, go to BR and spend tiem in prayer. Wait for “0”.

Trigger: I am tired out and just want to eat to get some extra energy or to just move on with the day.
Emotions: I feel tiredness, grumpiness, impatience.
Godly strategy: I think a better response would be for me to have a bath or to have a nap to rest up. Or just have a little tea to get me by….I’m taking to herbal teas as you can tell!

MARCH - TW ch 7

March 7th:

I’m not sure if I’m an emotional eater. I don’t need ANY emotions to trigger eating!!! If there is food tempting me it will most likely master me and be eaten regardless of emotions. The emotional eating exercise didn’t resonate with me because I can’t picture myself eating just because of these emotions. If I did feel like eating I know what I’d reach for is something sugary. However I do know that being tired is definitely a time of weakness for me. I’ll grab anything. I just can’t pinpoint specific foods with specific emotions…except to say that I really gravitate towards sugar always.

I can relate to the “tourist eating” and “eating because it’s there, and I want it now” listed on p. 70. Those are probably my main areas of weakness.

“I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” Phil 4:13

“Rather than condemn or reject, observe and correct.” P. 73

A reminder of what fat machinery is: Conditioned or habitual responses, Beliefs, Past Stories, Failures.

MARCH - TW ch 6

March 6th:

Note to self:

Fat Machinery is:
* Conditioned or habitual responses
* Beliefs
* Past Stories
* Failures

I can relate to this (in regards to the bathroom scale) on p.59

“Most of us can relate to one of three scenarios: First, you hop on the scale and it seays you have gained weight. Depressed, you go to the kitchen and drown your sorrows in a megabreakfast. Second, you hop on the scale and it says you have lost weight. You are so excited you celebrate by eating a hot fudge sundae. In the third scenario you avoid the scale like the plague because you know very well that your weight is creeping up and you don’t want to face the awful truth. Has your scale become a club of condemnation? Is it an idol? Does your bathroom scale determine whether you have a good day or a bad day?”

I don’t quite know what to do about this however! I find the scale is a good accountability tool when it doesn’t hold my emotions hostage. I also find that I tend to think I weigh more then I actually do. Sometimes I’m right on the mark for what I actually weigh. Rarely do I weigh more then I think I weigh.