Counting My Blessings...

Finally in my BMI range!
I'm just so ecstatic to finally be in my bmi weight range! I want all praise and glory to be directed straight to the Lord for this milestone! He is doing a new thing, He is doing a good work in me and will bring it to completion!

Camping thoughts cont'd...

Just wanting to clarify that I plan on following my God-given hunger signals....not a menu plan. I am going to go with the flow and aim to function as a naturally thin eater. I think I'll keep my eye on my "naturally thin eater" friend while camping... She knows that she is my role model in this department:-) I just love how thin eating just flows naturally with her!

I was re-reading my post and thought my plan may have sounded a bit rigid to some people. The reason I am pre-planning these options is because I am of course pre-packing all the food to take with us on our trip. I just want to make sure I choose healthier options this time round with camping.

I know I am going to be challenged with 0-5 eating. I was reading 1 Corinthians 10:13 again this morning and am reminded that God WILL provide a way out of temptation. I will be resting in this truth...

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

I will also do as Jesus says...

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." Matthew 26:41

The following verse keeps on resonating with me as well...

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..." Hebrews 12:2

He is the author and perfector of our faith. Those words have been popping out to me the past couple days. What an awesome truth and promise.

Well, enough of my ramblings! I guess I won't be back on for about a week.

Camping

One of our family's favorite traditions is camping. Here's a glimpse of some of the fun we have each year...

...living in a tent, spending time in nature,

fun at the beach,

going for hikes,

campfires,

enjoying s’mores

and bannock,

playing games together,

and watching the sun set each night...

The list could go on and on!

However, with this special tradition come some unique temptations that I don’t normally face other times of the year… Snacking seems to go hand-in-hand with long drives, lazing around the beach and around the campfire. This is the one time of the year that I buy the chips, pop, special double chocolate chocolate chunk cookies, Reese’s Pieces cereal, licorice and more. It’s also the one time of the year that we have night snacks (around the campfire) every night—s’mores, hot chocolate and bannock.

The first camping trip we have lined up (heading out this Saturday) is starting out as a group trip. So there will also be added complications and temptations that come with eating in social settings…

So I’ve got to do some planning for trials…

First of all, in preparation for trials, when I went shopping I skipped out on buying the pop, extra salty munchies, licorice and extra cookies. We’ll skip the pop or sweetened drinks this year, keeping our cooler jug filled with ice so we’ll have ice water anytime we want (which is always a treat when camping during hot summer days!). We’ll also try to really minimize our munchy and dessert consumption this year (note I’m saying “we” as this will be a family plan of action).

Second, we’re going to be having a family “rumble challenge”, with my eldest daughter in mind, as we really want to encourage her to find out what real true hunger feels like this summer, with the hope that come fall she will have found a way of eating 0-5 more naturally. I’m sure it will benefit us all to try to find “0” as often as possible prior to eating. I’m not recognizing a rumble as the only way of knowing hunger…but simply presenting it as one very tangible and audible sign of hunger, with the hope that she will eventually often experience real physiological hunger. I’m also going to introduce my kids to observations and corrections and turning to God with 0-5 eating.

Now down to the nitty gritty plans….

I’ll make sure to wait for hunger at breakfast so I can start the day off on the right foot…

I’m packing up a bunch of healthy options for each meal with following 0-5 as the aim of course:

Breakfast options: oatmeal or cold cereal (something healthier)
Exception: one brunch of pancakes/bacon

Snacks (only if hungry): aim for fruit, almonds, cheese strings, granola bar, pretzels, yogurt, juice box

Lunch options:

mini bagel & cream cheese & fruit/veggie
tortilla with pbutter/honey and fruit/veggie
tortilla w/ meat/cheese & fruit/veggie

Snacks (only if hungry): aim for fruit, almonds, cheese strings, granola bar, pretzels, yogurt, juice box

Supper plan of action: Eat to a #4, no pop/juice, skip dessert if having campfire snacks

Campfire snack options:

1 s’more & hot chocolate
1 bannock & hot chocolate
no snacks: enjoy herbal tea by the fire…

If I choose to have a sweet…keep it within hunger. If I choose to have a sweet at supper skip out on campfire snacks…

Well, that is the eating plan in a nutshell… Now to actually implement the plan is another matter! I know I’ll need some extra prayer through this time!

I also plan on spending more time with the Lord in His word and in prayer this summer. I bought myself a nice handy-dandy compact NIV bible (with a concordance even!). And I’m really excited to dig into the “Breaking Free” study workbook by Beth Moore! I think I’ll save that for our Mexico trip though (more details coming soon regarding that). I'm still doing the Beth Moore "David" study and reading the TW book daily of course.

Last weekend when we went to the beach the kids were playing so nicely and I didn’t have any reading material with me and was feeling a bit bored… Then I started to converse with God. It was a nice time, although I felt a little at a loss how to even converse with Him for that length of time I confess! I look forward to much more of that this summer! I look forward to growing in my prayer life…being still before God, not primarily praying these arrow prayers or emergency prayers etc… Just spending time really communing with Him and practising His presence!

I think I’ve rambled on long enough here! I will give account for my choices when I return. I hope to have a glowing report of the new thing the Lord has done in my heart.

Counting My Blessings...

Wonderful weather, warm breezes, blue skies...

I could go on and on! It is just so wonderful to have summer here finally! I love it all! Thank you, Lord!

Weight Released!

I was so nervous about stepping on the scale this morning. Lately I have felt a bit like a child on a bike with the training wheels removed! Putting my food/exercise log on hold and keeping it private proved a lot harder then I thought it would be. As I began to struggle a bit more with consistency I began to doubt that my weight would be maintained (and certainly doubted a loss).

Anyways, this morning I stepped on the scale and I'm down another pound! Yeah! I felt God reassuring me that I just have to keep pressing on, that I don't need to fret so much about the ups and downs. I just need to fix my eyes on Him and keep pressing on.

So I'm officially down 18 pounds, from 173 lbs to 155 lbs. Thank you Lord! One more pound to release and I'll be in the official bmi zone:-) Also once I get to 153lbs I will feel like another marker is reached as this was the lowest I ever got after my second pregnancy (and that was only for a couple weeks!).

Thank you Lord for your faithfulness, even as I stumble and fall. Thank you for your help and strength. I pray that you would continue to change me from the inside out. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Heidi's blog got me thinking...

I have been reading through Heidi's blog starting at the beginning of her journey and have been really convicted and challenged through much of what she wrote.

I was thinking at supper tonight about the "giving up the last bite" plan being unnecessary as long as I stop at #5. Well, I think it is a really good practice for me to continue... Why am I even fighting it??? I know it is because I want to eat ALL my food!!! So, I will continue sacrificing some of the food on my plate to the Lord.

The other thing that I know I need to do, that I have read in various places (the latest being Heidi's blog), is to pray and ask the Lord for direction when to stop eating. I really need to start implementing this more. I need to trust Him. I have found it quite bizarre how I actually have a little burp (would air bubble being a nicer description?? :-) when I'm satisfied... Yet so often I push past that and want to continue eating as much as I can within the parameters of 0-5. I feel quite convicted that I'm being disobedient in this. Sometimes I don't get this "air bubble" but still know I've had enough to satisfy. I'm kind of toying with the idea of actually exercising (jumping rope or running) immediately following dinner... Wouldn't that be a good challenge!!!

I also am feeling challenged to wait for really clear hunger signals. I find it particulary hard to discern what my #0 is when I don't get the rumble in the belly. These are the times that I often rationalize my way through the "Am I hungry yet?" question.

Also in regards to the scale.... What an up and down rollercoaster this has been! I read how Heidi would pray and ask God to reveal when she could step on the scale... Interesting thought. I am not sure I am called to wait an entire month (until mid-July) as I originally planned. I guess I have fear of gaining weight when I'm not really consistent with 0-5 eating. I'd rather just know where I stand with things and then keep pressing forward. I'm not sure if this is *wrong* or not... I have to admit I'm a little scared to step on the scale tomorrow morning (which is my current plan). I certainly feel challenged to possibly make it a once-a-week weigh in. I'll just have to bring this to the Lord and follow His leading.

Eating without being accountable to others as I was before, is a bit tough I find. I find I'm not eating quite as consistently 0-5 as before. Why is that!!! Strange I know! Anyways, I plan to keep on growing in this area as I don't think it makes much sense to keep on posting everything I eat for the rest of my life! I know I'm going in the right direction with this one.

Also, I'm having more trouble with regular exercise. I go through my spurts all the time...and really want to get back into regular exercise again. Not sure why I fall off the exercise band wagon all the time! It's not like I set myself up with lofty unrealistic goals! I know it is just laziness!

In regards to time with the Lord... I just am blown away by how He is becoming more a part of each moment. I'm also blown away by the hunger and thirst I have for His word. Thank you Lord!

Well, that's an update at my end. Reading Heidi's blog certainly got me thinking and reflecting! Thanks, Heidi! God continues to use your journey and words to encourage others! What a testimony to His power and grace! You are shining for Him and bringing Him glory! Thanks!

Hinderances

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. " Hebrews 12:1

This verse resonated with me this morning. I'm wondering what exactly hinders me? What sins do I so easily get tangled and trapped in?

I know that I often want to make exceptions to eat when not hungry. This certainly hinders me as I push God away, tuning out what I know He is saying to me.

I know another thing that hinders me is when I choose to eat more then I should, pushing me past #5. I have come to an awareness of some of the cues my body gives me when I have reached the end of #5. And yet I so often choose to ignore those cues and God's voice which speaks to me through this time trying to direct me towards the way out of the temptation.

Past failures also hinder my progress.

These are the first things that come to mind as I reflect. There are probably more that will come to mind as I meditate on this verse more over the next while.

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such oppostition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:2-3

The solution? I need to fix my eyes on Jesus! I need to dwell in His presence every single moment of every single day. What a difference that would make! I need to live under the canopy of His grace and provision. I need to rely on Him for strength and power...not on my own effort. Jesus sacrificed so incredibly much to make a way for us to be right with God. I need to fix my eyes on His sacrifice... What I have to sacrifice will seem oh so insignificant with that focus!

Counting My Blessings...

A beautiful beach day!
It felt like the first day of summer today! Blue skies, sun shining, lying on a sandy beach, the kids having so much fun playing in the sand, catching minnows, and splashing around... Thank you Lord for these precious moments!

My brothers and sisters in Christ.
Over the past two years God has drawn Jon and I along on a journey seeing the Church through different eyes. We have been challenged on issues of church unity and the many judgements/misunderstandings that are so often cast back and forth. What a rollercoaster ride this has been! I went through a stage where I was devouring up theology books, active on both catholic and protestant forums, speaking to trusted friends/family/pastors seeking to understand the differences and also the things we hold in common.

Both Jon and I grew up in very inter-denominational church settings. I grew up overseas on the mission field, going to boarding school and church and raised/taught by dorm parents/teachers of many different denominational backgrounds working for many different mission organizations. Upon our return home to Canada we switched churches many times--mennonite, baptist, missionary church, alliance etc. Jon's dad was a minister in small towns. He was basically pastoring the only church in small (VERY small!) towns across Canada. Of course this drew people of many different denominations together for one common purpose--to worship God and fellowship together. Both Jon and I feel God has been weaving the tapestry of our lives with a common goal to pursue church unity. Here are some verses that have inspired us...

"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me." John 17:20-23

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 13:34-35

I find it is always a bit scary and daunting to visit a new church! I don't like the feelings of uncertainty--what to expect for the service, will people be friendly, will we stand out, will the kids adjust/behave etc... A year ago we decided we wanted to try to visit different churches in our area about every two months to expose our children (and ourselves) to various christian church traditions outside of our home church...plus we have come to realize what a great lesson we learn everytime we have to be in the newcomer's shoes! It shows us how to welcome visitor's more effectively in our home church :-)

So, this morning we visitted a catholic church in our area. We once again felt we were among sisters and brothers in Christ. I have come to understand many of the theological differences and common ground between catholics/protestants... However, I have to say what has stood out for both Jon and I in our visits to various churches over the past year is that there are many true followers of Christ in each of these churches no matter the shape of the theological box! I pray for continued unity of all true followers of Christ.

Thin Again - ch 7

Chapter 7
The Present Not the Past

As I read this chapter I found it interesting how a few verses that had been standing out to me recently were highlighted in this chapter. One of the verses was Matthew 18:21-22 which I had highlighted in my counting my blessings blog.

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.'"

Another one was Mark 11:25.

"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."

And lastly the one that has been on my mind and heart often is 2 Corinthians 10:5.

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

I feel God is talking to me about forgiveness a lot lately! I have been reading another book called "The Power of a Postive Wife" by Karol Ladd and once again teaching on forgiveness was taught.....on a particular day when I was having trouble forgiving Jon! Go figure! I'm thankful that God showed me my sin because our marriage relationship was needing a good dose of forgiveness and right relationship was restored as a result:-) Thank you, Lord!

I have felt convicted of the many times my thoughts are dark and mucky and sinful. Oh how I need to take captive every thought for Christ. The problem is that once the thought enters my mind it often gets spoken out loud and another sin gets committed as I gossip/slander or simply am not shining for Christ by letting my conversation always be filled with grace (Col. 4:6). So, I'm working on this one... I have to be on guard and prayerful against that little seed of negativity that creeps into my thoughts.

TA chapter 7 was a pretty heavy duty one! For many people this must be a very tough read. As I read some of the stories of individuals who walked through such deep waters my heart just ached and tears came to my eyes. I pray for each person who has to go through this pain. Here goes a quick summary of the pretty weight things things touched on in TA chapter 7.

What are the stages of the grieving process?
1.) Denial—“denied reality of our painful past” TA pg 118
2.) Anger—“While it is legitimate and necessary to experience the anger in the present, the goal is not revenge or abuse of self or another. The goal is to sweep your house clean, to purify your heart so that new life can dwell within you.” TA pg 119
3.) Bargaining
4.) Depression—“During this stage you may experience the full measure of the loss of food as a friend… As you feel permission to grieve this loss, you may be assured that this is a sign of health, a sign that you are releasing something you have coveted or have clung to—your old eating habits and your image of yourself and your world.” TA pg 119
5.) Acceptance—“occurs when we are ready to let go. It comes when we are fully aware of and honest about the past and have made peace with it.” TA pg 120

Define forgiveness.
“The definition we use is to cease to feel resentment for, as to forgive an offense; to renounce anger; to grant pardon without harbouring resentment.” TA pg 122
“Forgiveness is a process rather than a one-time event, and the resentment and anger may recede only with time.” TA pg127

“Forgiveness is release.” TA pg125

What is resentment?
“Resentment turns our hopes and desires into demands, and perpetuates those expectations and demands in circumstances where it is not appropriate. Binding our present relationships to the unresolved emotions of the past holds us and the other person prisoner, keeps us the victim and obstructs the possibility of genuine love and intimacy.” TA pg124

Why do we hesitate to forgive another person?
"We may think that fogiveness implies we are condoning the behavior of the offender. Or we may fear that we’re saying what happened was really not so bad… We may hesitate to forgive because we think that forgiveness necessarily requires reconciliation…”TA pg 126

What are the four steps to forgiveness?
1.) We begin by agreeing with God.
2.) We choose to forgive.
3.) We do it.
4.) We act out forgiveness and our emotions may follow.

How can we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ?
1.) We can write down our feelings.
2.) We can pray about our feelings.
3.) We can picture ourselves experiencing our feelings cradled in Jesus’ loving embrace. TA pg133

Heavenly Father, I lift up in prayer those who have experienced deep hurts and wounds in their lifetime. We know that the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express (Romans 8:26). I pray you would bring forgiveness, healing, and restoration to their lives. I pray they would be able to see that all things work together for the good of those who love you (Romans 8:28).

I ask that you would continue convicting me of my sin. Please give me a tender heart to your leading and to your holy spirit's nudging. Help me be quick to forgive. Please help me also be mindful of each thought that enters my head. I pray that my thinking would be surrendered to You. Thank you for your forgiveness, mercy and grace. In Jesus name, amen.

Thursday update

On Sunday I wrote...
Pizza lunch at school. I just need to make sure I'm hungry for that meal. Anytime I have to be hungry for a pre-set time I find it a little more challenging I guess. Then in the evening I'm out for coffee with a friend. Once again I will need to be alert and intentional.

I wasn't hungry for breakfast and also wasn't quite at "0" when it was time to eat lunch at school. However, I joined my kids for the pizza lunch, eating with them. I ate a very moderate amount.

I was so pleasantly surprised to be hungry by 3:30pm! My heart said a quick "thanks" to God! And I opted to just eat my supper at that point, as we were not having a big family dinner that night, but rather just a little of this and that.

In the evening I went out with my friend for coffee and just opted to have a peppermint tea (no cream/sugar). It felt so good to finally be back on track and making good choices.

Today (Friday) has been a back on-track day, praise God! I have been depending on the Lord and really calling out to Him. I was even able to choose to make healthier whole-body pleaser choices so far today, which has felt great!

Well, that's my quick update from my "planning for trials" post a couple days ago.

Thank you Lord.

Counting My Blessings...

Forgiveness and Grace....in my marriage
I'm thankful for the way I can be real with my husband and vice versa, even when the going gets tough sometimes. I have been blessed with a wonderful husband and a wonderful marriage.

Forgiveness and Grace....from God.
Wow, this one has really blown me away lately. It's interesting how important forgiveness is when looking at Jesus' words. Just look at His words to see how much emphasis Christ puts on forgiveness man to man!

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." Matthew 18:21-22

And our example is God who forgives our sins...
"as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." Psalm 103:12

This is the God I serve and worship...the One who forgives and pours out mercy and grace. Thank you, Lord!

Progress

My friend Marcie noticed my discouragement over the past while and gave me this wise advice:
"Maybe you can make a list of all the positive changes you have made--in order to SEE how far you have come and not get discouraged."

What awesome advice! I have decided to do a bit of looking back at where I've come from, the progress I've made and also look forward to where I want to go from here.

What I have learned:

I feel free from the consuming thoughts about what and when I’m going to eat. I don’t think about food all that much anymore actually! I feel like I’ve placed food in a right place in my life, relinquishing the mastery that it once had in my life.
"'Everything is permissible for me'—but not everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissible for me'—but I will not be mastered by anything.” 1 Cor 6:12

I tend to eat within 0-5 most times. In fact eating 0-5 has become more natural over the past two months, with the exception of this past week! Praise God for this progress!

I usually apply the keys to conscious eating--sitting down to eat, reducing distractions, making sure my mind and body are relaxed, paying attention to the foods I’m eating, eating slowly and savouring each bite. This has all become more second nature as well, praise the Lord!

I have learned to observe and correct, generally withholding the club of condemnation and rather choosing to dwell on God’s grace and mercy and umpteen chances to start over again.
"Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord'--and you forgave the guilt of my sin." Psalm 32:1-5

I have pinpointed triggers (aka “fat machinery”) that often nudge me outside 0-5 eating.

I have become more intentional about planning for trials in advance.

I have become more comfortable eating in social situations, finally coming to the place where my focus is on the reason for the occasion (which is usually NOT food!). I have learned to put my fork down and take sips of water between bites and enjoy the company of friends and family.

I have released 17 pounds in the past 3 ½ months.

I have found amazing supportive like-minded friends, surrounding myself with an amazing Christian community.

Oh how I have come to love spending time in God’s word. I have been so hungry for time with Him over the past month in particular. I am also growing in the area of praying scripture, which has been one of my goals for quite some time. I have learned to rely on God for strength, surrendering more of myself to Him. And He has proven Himself so faithful. He really does satisfy so much more then anything else in this world.
“Taste and see that the LORD is good.” Psalm 34:8

Moving Forward

I am beginning to feel God telling me to loosen the grip of some of my more “legalistic” approaches toward TW.

“If you find yourself on the path of your performance, you can jump ship into an ocean of grace, deeper than any sin, broader than any transgression. It is cool, refreshing, and free. It cost our Savior everything, but in His love He offers it freely to us.” TW pg 41

I need to continuing focussing on observing and correcting and experiencing His grace and forgiveness. I know I’ve posted this so many times but some of my favorite quotes are:
I am a LEARNER not a failure.
"Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat." F. Scott Fizgerald
"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil 1:6

This statement really stood out to me last night:
“Thin Within has helped me build my life in the present. It freed me to enjoy and praise God while in process, rather than waiting until I had achieved my goal.” TW pg 42

I need to live in the present, not so consumed with my goals. Even if I stayed at the weight I am right now, yet had a tender obedient heart towards God, I should be praising God and accept myself the way I am and keep the focus on Him and on my heart relationship with Him, not on self.

I am feeling nudged towards letting the scale go until mid-July, allowing 0-5 eating to be my scale. This is an area I truly desire to grow in and have struggled so much with. We’ll see how that goes! This will be a tough one!

I am going to keep my food log private for now, with the hope and prayer that right eating will flow in right relationship with God, rather then needing approval from men.
“Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Gal 1:10
As I kept my food log public I know that I was certainly caring about appearances...which in turn motivated me to make better choices… I know this accountability tool good to a degree as I began to experience God’s victory with the previous mastery of sugary treats. I know progress was made as a result. Now I need to rely on Him and allow 0-5 eating to flow even more naturally in my life.

I also want to work on key #2 to conscious eating: reducing distractions in order to eat in a calm environment.
“Ponder relishing a quiet meal, where you can be sill and know that He is God (Psalm 46:10) when you eat… The Lord wants us to experience both His provisions and His peace.” TW pg 8
I would like to invite God more and more into the entire meal experience 100% of the time.

I continue wanting to practice His presence as well. I want to keep hungering and thirsting for His word and time with Him. I look forward to spending time with Him in His presence as we enjoy more time outdoors in God’s creation over the next two months.

May this verse be true in my life, Lord…
“And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Cor. 3:18

Wednesday update

Here's what I wrote on Sunday...
I'm going to the school to help with the "Taste of Egypt" party. There will be lots of food around. I will maybe just skip/eat a light breakfast that day and enjoy the variety of food samples that will be served in the morning. I'll likely be busy for much of the time, but will probably be eating some samples a little later.

Unfortunately, I need to be completely transparent with everyone and say I have really not done well today with my eating. One of my biggest "fat machinery" triggers is tiredness...and that was a huge factor today. I wasn't hungry for breakfast and at 11am (still don't think I was at #0...though I may have been too busy to notice!) when it was time to taste the samples I started to munch... Then on top of that I had some company for lunch...and the munching continued. And then more munching after that...

I thank God for His grace which I know He freely offers me...and boy do I need a lot of it!

Lord, I am so sorry for not being obedient. I choose to follow You. I want my life to be glorifying to You in ALL I say and do. In Jesus name, amen.

Since I just figured out how to post a youtube video properly I'll close off this post with a song which really moved me tonight...

"East to West" by Casting Crowns

Shine for Him

"Many of us go through life not quite understanding what we were designed to do. We, too, may feel inadequate, ineffective, and beat-up. The good news is that this isn't God's plan for you! You can start today doing that for which you were created. You can choose to shine. When you choose to glorify God, to make Him known, you are doing that for which you were created--'shining'."
TW pg28

"In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:16

I'm excited as I anticipate where God is leading! I want to SHINE for Him! "More" by Matthew West has been one of my favorites for the past couple years. It seems particularly fitting as I reflect on SHINING for Jesus!
"More" by Matthew West

Counting My Blessings...

Strength and help from God
I am very thankful for God's provision of strength and help today. Each time I eat 0-5 is a victory. Each time I choose to leave a favorite bite or two of each food I eat is a victory, a moment of surrender and sacrifice to the Lord. Thank you, Lord, for showing me the way out and for moving in your great power providing me with strength and help.

Wonderful Warm Weather

Feelings of Failure

I have really been struggling with feelings of failure lately. It's like I've hit a road block again. I believe I'm a failure (I can hear satan screaming these lies in my head), I then behave like a failure and now I'm feeling the effects of this behaior... I feel dissatisfied with myself, and in turn am more irritable with my family and had to seek their forgiveness (which they graciously and freely offered).

I thought these statements and verses from "Who I am in Christ" by Neil Anderson (and found on pg 125 of TW) would be good reminders for myself at this time....
I am a new creature
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

I am established to the end
"He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Cor. 1:8

I am brought near by the blood of Christ
"But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ." Eph 2:13

I am more than a conqueror
"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." Rom 8:37

I am sealed with the promise of the Holy Spirit
"And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit..." Eph 1:13

I am being changed into His image
"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil 1:6

I have all my needs met by God according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus
"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:19

I can do all things through Jesus Christ
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Phil 4:13

I press toward the goal for the prize of the high calling of God
"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:14


These verses (highlighted in TW ch 12) also really spoke to me:

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you,

so that in all things at all times,

having all that you need,

you will abound in every good work."

2 Cor. 9:8

"But he said to me,

'My grace is sufficient for you,

for my power is made perfect in weakness.'

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,

so that Christ's power may rest on me."

2 Cor. 12:9

Thank you, Lord, for your word. Thank you for your grace that provides me with all I need to do good works. Thank you for using my weaknesses for your glory. I grab hold of the promise that the testing of my faith develops perseverance, so that I may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1:2-4). I move forward in your strength and power alone. In Jesus name, amen.

Monday update

Yesterday I wrote:
We're going to have a bit of an out-of-schedule kind of day as we spend a family day going biking and probably eating out (maybe just an ice cream stop). My aim will be to pack a light lunch for myself and take a very small serving of ice cream, maybe even just share Jon's ice cream treat and really savour those few bites... I like that idea:-)

I waited for hunger this morning...which felt like a huge victory as I really really wanted to eat earlier! Finally got hungry around 10:30am, which was perfect for our park picnic lunch stop. I ate a piece of farmer sausage in a bun (plus some veggies and an orange) at 10:45 but still wasn't hungry by 5:15 for supper *sigh*. I didn't feel anything past a #5, but I guess the protein in the sausage probably takes longer to digest. If I wanted to be hungry for supper at our usual time I guess I should have eaten maybe just half the sandwich....

We opted to go for slurpees rather then ice cream, according the kid's wishes...which helped me out a lot! I didn't feel at all tempted to have a slurpee! I just had a few sips of Jon's and was quite satisfied. Thank you Lord.

Yesterday I wrote:
After our biking outing I plan on creating a "pyramid" cake for the Wed. school event (taste of egypt). I'll aim to completely avoid any of those cake trimmings or icing, except if I'm hungry of course, at which point it would just be a moderate amount.
I cut the cake into the pyramid layers without snitching any cake trimmings. Thank you Lord. And I had a fairly moderate amount at supper for dessert...although I have to admit that was probably what did put me eating to a #6 for supper. I was pretty satisfied after our main course. I'm going to have to focus on this area a little more.

I haven't really done the "giving back the last bite to the Lord" today. I'll need to get back to that tomorrow.

Well, that's a summary of my day.

Because of the LORD's great love
we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself,
"The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
Lamentations 3:22-24

Re-start.....again....

Well, I think it's time to push the re-start button again.... I feel like my eating is bordering on out-of-control again...at least tonight it was. I feel like I've had a few "off" days.

Maybe the transition of no longer publicly logging my eating has been part of the struggle. I find it interesting how I have been craving not-so-healthy choices more the past few days (which I've mostly resisted, but found it more difficult). I think it helped me stay focussed on eating more whole-body pleasers when I knew I was choosing to be transparent about each choice.

Of course it could have something to do with monthly hormone cycles too. Who knows! Whatever the case, I'm not satisfied to be in this place. I want my eyes to be on God, my Helper, my Savior.

I still desire to leave a favorite last bite of each meal as a sacrifice to the Lord, as a reflection of my surrendered heart. That will continue to be a challenge I work on. I have noticed how difficult it is! I guess the fact of the matter is that I usually eat what's on my plate and then often take one last nibble at the food in the serving dish etc. as that VERY last taste. So actually choosing to not even finish what's on my plate (even though it is just one little bite!) is a bit of a stretch for me! I think it is good to practice this as it will help me put the brakes on my eating, with my eyes on the Lord, when I am tempted to eat all the food on my plate past a #5.

I know there are a few things coming up this week that could set me off and act as triggers to eating outside 0-5. Here are the ones I know will be a little more challenging this week...

Planning for trials this week:

Monday
We're going to have a bit of an out-of-schedule kind of day as we spend a family day going biking and probably eating out (maybe just an ice cream stop). My aim will be to pack a light lunch for myself and take a very small serving of ice cream, maybe even just share Jon's ice cream treat and really savour those few bites... I like that idea:-) After our biking outing I plan on creating a "pyramid" cake for the Wed. school event (taste of egypt). I'll aim to completely avoid any of those cake trimmings or icing, except if I'm hungry of course, at which point it would just be a moderate amount.

Wednesday
I'm going to the school to help with the "Taste of Egypt" party. There will be lots of food around. I will maybe just skip/eat a light breakfast that day and enjoy the variety of food samples that will be served in the morning. I'll likely be busy for much of the time, but will probably be eating some samples a little later.

Thursday
Pizza lunch at school. I just need to make sure I'm hungry for that meal. Anytime I have to be hungry for a pre-set time I find it a little more challenging I guess. Then in the evening I'm out for coffee with a friend. Once again I will need to be alert and intentional.

One passage that has really been resonating with me the past week is Psalm 63:1-8

O God, you are my God,

earnestly I seek you;

my soul thirsts for you,

my body longs for you,

in a dry and weary land

where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary

and beheld your power and your glory.

Because your love is better than life,

my lips will glorify you.

I will praise you as long as I live,

and in your name I will lift up my hands.

My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;

with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

On my bed I remember you;

I think of you through the watches of the night.

Because you are my help,

I sing in the shadow of your wings.

My soul clings to you;

your right hand upholds me.

Counting My Blessings...

Jon

He really is an amazing husband and father to our kids! He prioritizes us and spends time with us. He works hard to provide for our needs. He is loving, kind, patient, a peacemaker, creative, fun and giving. He really loves God and wants to pass this onto our kids. He is my best friend. Thank you Lord, for an amazing husband and father to my kids.

Counting My Blessings...

Tortilla presses:-)
Okay, okay, I know this is a silly one! I just made fajitas for supper using a tortilla press that a missionary friend (from Mexico) brought me at xmas. Fresh homemade tortillas:-) Yum! Hoping to learn a few more tips this summer when we head to Mexico on our family mission trip to the orphanage. I get excited about really silly things like this since I enjoy cooking:-)

Thin Again - ch 6 reflections & ques.

(For those who already read this post earlier, I changed it around noon today (saturday)! sorry! I was re-reading and wanted to convey my thoughts a bit more clearly:-) I put a * beside the sections that I changed....)

Chapter 6
Dependence Not Addiction

Here's a brief summary of how addiction is defined in this chapter:
"To give assent… We give ourselves over to relationships, objects, or substances in our attempt to satisfy our desparate need for security, significance, and love... Addiction results from a misplaced human attempt to satisfy our legitimate, God-given need for intimacy... " TA pg 105

The link between addiction and idolatry:
"The objects of our addictions become our false gods. These are what we attend to, where we give our time and energy, instead of love. Addiction, then, displaces and supplants God’s love as the source and object of our deepest true desire. Spiritually, addiction (becomes) a deep-seated form of idolatry." TA 106

This chapter really drove home to me some areas that I need to work on. First of all I had to refresh my memory of what "grave clothes" are defined as and which ones I had pinpointed earlier. Here's what I wrote earlier:
I think grave clothes could refer to anything in my life that prevents me from being spiritually “healthy” and alive, living in right relationship and obedience to Christ…which eventually spills over into other areas of my life (physical, relational, emotional etc.) and prevents me from glorifying God and shining for Him as effectively. In a nutshell the way I would envision ‘grave clothes’ in my life is any area of my life that is not surrendered to Christ.

Identify your grave clothes:
The grave clothes I pinpointed previously were: disordered eating, emotions and poor time management. I still am in agreement with that assessment.

Why you are wearing them? What changes do you expect when they are removed?
*Disordered eating:
In the past, in particular, I have tended to ignore my hunger/fullness. I have tended to gravitate towards what I WANT NOW! I have been mastered by my enjoyment of foods and sweets. I have had little willpower or self-discipline. I have cried out to God for help but have not followed through and grabbed hold of the help He has offered. And I just continued gaining weight. I'd sometimes lose some weight, then yo-yo right back to where I started plus some. I wait expectantly for the day when I am fully surrendered to God with my eating, when the root of greed and gluttony is gone, when I find my truest satisfaction and joy in being obedient and surrendered to God.

Emotions:
I think I wear them to control people (mostly my family). I wear them also to let out what I feel inside. As I become more self-controlled with my emotions I would expect to see better marriage and family relationships. I would expect to find more satisfaction pouring out my needs to God rather then taking it out on the family.

Poor time management:
The computer is the main thing that side-tracks me from using my time wisely. I think it tends to become a bit of a lifeline to the outside world as I don't work outside the home. It is just very accessible. If I found balance in this area I would expect to have a more vibrant relationship with God and people and more orderly house.

Have I DEPENDED on God? Do I actually rely on God for strength?
*One of the most memorable times of depending on God was when my oldest daughter was 3 years old and in ICU battling kawasaki disease, her heart not functioning properly, majorly dehydrated and battling a high fever. I so clearly remember her lifeless body and the fears and anxieties that I was faced with....and also the tremendous source of strength I found in relying on God through this time. I would run to God's word every chance I got and cry out in prayer constantly as I stayed almost round the clock in the ICU ward for that week. It was a time of tremendous growth for me and a great reminder of what truly depending on God is like. (and praise God for her full recovery!)

I have been depending on God for strength and help throughout this whole TW journey. Each day I call out a prayer of surrender and ask for His help and strength. I know He has provided me with all I need to succeed, fully equipping me.

Sadly though, I think I fail in this area all the time. It’s one thing to pray and ask God for help…it’s another thing to actually surrender and ALLOW Him to help me and show me the way out, to direct my paths and FOLLOW Him! It is my desire to grow in this area.

So where do I go from here?
*Eating:
This is finally changing. I am seeing changes within my heart. Praise God! I know I will need to continue to be vigilant and on guard at all times, but I also trust that God will restore me to wholeness as I press on to surrender to Him and depend on Him. I need to continue with conscious 0-5 eating. The changes that are beginning to become really deeply instilled in me are very exciting! I hope and pray this lasts for life!

Emotions:
I need to continue to throw myself on God when I feel strong emotions, ask Him for help to be self-controlled and wait on Him. The more time I spend in His presence the more I will experience victory with this area I believe. I actually don't struggle with this on a daily basis anymore.

I think I tend to struggle with this more when I'm dissatisfied with myself, when I feel like I'm out of control with myself. This is when I begin to just get impatient with anything and everything...and everyone in my family! When I feel that I'm living in surrender to Christ I feel more patient and loving... Aha! Good to pinpoint that! Therefore, I'd say that in general I have experienced progress in this area, praise God! So I think the best way to move forward in this area is to practice His presence more, something God has been laying on my heart lately.

Poor time management:
I definitely have to work on my poor time management. I think my house is showing the effects of my negligence! Also I know I'm missing out on moments with my family. The computer definitely monopolizes my time when improperly managed and balanced. I know that this will change as summer approaches. The ties will be cut as we head off camping and on other travels. I look forward to this change of pace. For now I think a practical step to take would be for me to log my online time (privately that is!). This would help me stay more balanced.

"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." 2 Corinthians 7:10

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Counting My Blessings...

A great Dad.
My dad is an amazing man. He has been like a rock in my life. He has always been so calm, gentle, wise, kind, loving, patient and able to fix just about anything and everything. He always believed in me and made me feel valued and special. His faith in God has always been strong and solid and has inspired me many times over the years. His way of interacting with people, friendly and outgoing and really forming deep connections with others, has also inspired me. So, today as we go to celebrate father's day with my family, I have to say I'm very thankful for a great dad!

On-top-of-things school staff!
I'm really thankful for how the school staff were so alert and prepared in the case of a tornado during a watch that was on during the day today. I'm just really thankful that I can trust the staff with the safety of my kids! (of course it always feels better to have us all under one roof together, but they offered the next best thing to tornado-lightening skittish me!)

Answered prayer.
One of our friends (who is not a believer) was going for a job interview a couple weeks ago and I told him I'd be praying. When he saw me today he said, "I wanted to let you know I got that job! Thanks for praying!" Praise God for answered prayer. May God be glorified!

Counting My Blessings...

First day as lunch monitor sub went smoothly.
I'm thankful for answered prayer. I was quite anxious about this first day subbing as a lunch monitor at school. God really gave me the strength and wisdom and energy that I needed. Thank you Lord.

Flying Free

I don’t even really know where to start putting my thoughts into words... I think this is going to be a long post as I sort out my ramblings!

My first thought that I really want to share is how thankful I am for all the wonderful friends I’ve met online. I know I’ve said thank you before, but you are really truly such an inspiration and blessing and encouragement to me. You are a gift from God!

My second thought is that I feel like I’m entering a new stage/phase! I think I could liken what I’m feeling to a baby being connected to it’s mother with the umbilical cord in the womb and once it is ready to come out into the world the cord is severed and the baby moves on, growing up, dependant yet also independent of mom.

I feel like the past six months have been a time of growing and learning as I’ve followed TW principles. I’ve been extremely focussed, calling out to God for help through this entire time and seeking to surrender all to Him, daily reading my TW book (on my fourth time through it!), faithfully tracking my eating and hunger #’s, working through the Thin Again book and questions and also posting on this blog. It’s been intense and yet SOOOOO worth it! A wonderful foundation has been laid. God has really been at work in my heart and changing me into a new creation. Praise Him!

I have been feeling a little challenged over the past while to re-consider what I post to my food log. Finally, yesterday, when Paula posted that she was simply going to log her hunger #’s it was like the nudge I needed. It is time to cut loose this practice I’ve been faithfully doing. Last night at supper felt so strange as I knew I wasn’t going to “tell” anyone what I ate for supper! Not sure how describe it! It was almost like I had this weird mix of “oooh, I can eat whatever I want!” mixed with the good choice of sticking with what I’ve been doing for the past number of months following 0-5 conscious eating and healthy choices. I just was really struck by how I could be so impacted by such a simple change. I can see how it became legalistic (and almost like a diet law) for me…yet at the same time I know that is what I needed for a time and wouldn't change it!

As I near the end of the TW book once again I think it will be time to move onto new reading material as well. I was thinking of doing the TW workbook next for my devotional material, but am re-thinking this as I want to be sensitive to God’s leading of which material He desires me to study and grow with. Maybe the TW material won’t need to be so much the focus, now that the foundation has been laid and I certainly feel like it is becoming more natural to live within 0-5. I want my relationship with God to grow and blossom more and more, which is really what TW is about at the very core of it! I really loved “Living beyond yourself: exploring the fruits of the spirit” by Beth Moore, as I studied this in the fall/early spring. I am doing another Beth Moore study on David, but still preferred the fruits of the spirit study. My point is that I am looking forward to finding something to really chew on and help me grow! Ideas anyone?

Summer is fast approaching which will come with many challenges. One of the challenges will be that I will not have the same kind of online support available as we travel for much of the summer. The other big challenge that I have experienced in the past is change in routines—lots of s’mores and bannock around the campfire, snacking in the vehicle for long drives, and then all the “tourist” eating that comes with travels. I will need to come up with a plan of action for how to deal with these temptations (will post on that at another time). I know this summer will be a time of testing this foundation, if there are any holes in it, observing and correcting and growing, and leaning FIRST AND FOREMOST on God for my support and help. It will be an interesting challenge I’m sure!

I feel like this year God has been guiding me to focus on my relationship with Him and on my heart. In the process many of the ministries that I have been actively part of in the past have been put on hold. Well, I guess it has been a mixture of both kids being in school for the first time as well, which really was an adjustment in itself. Anyways, this year has been a time of great reflection and growth for me...maybe a bit of a sabbatical! I sense that God is preparing me for something new and awesome:-) Don't know what yet! But am looking forward to it! This summer our family is heading down to Mexico to visit/serve at an orphanage for two weeks... I really feel that God is going to use that time to further reveal His vision and purpose for my life. I really desire to be His instrument.

So, am I ready to fly free? I don’t know, but I feel I’m being nudged out of that nest, being encouraged by God to move forward into this next stage with confidence and trust in Him.

"But those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:31

Counting My Blessings...

Dentists
I'm really thankful for the opportunity to have healthy clean teeth. I know it may sound weird to be thankful for dentists (visitting one when I was young was one of my biggest fears). Yet I realize that many people don't have the same opportunity and as a result live with constant pain. So, yes, I'm thankful for dentist visits:-) Fillings and all!
Sunshine
It is so refreshing to have the sun shining after a good rainfall. Everything feels so fresh and cheery!

The "croaking" of the frogs
Notice I didn't say for the frogs themselves! Just kidding! I'm not much of a frog fan (not in terms of handling them that is....my brother traumatized me as a child, chasing me around the house with frogs and throwing them at me etc!). I sure have been appreciating their "singing" the past week though. I think the birds chirping and the frogs croaking is the music of spring! Now this has got to go down in my record books.....thanking God for the frogs:-)

Counting My Blessings...

"Stuff"!
Today I cleaned out my 6 yr old's room (with her help) and just shovelled "stuff" out--polly pocket cars, barbie accessories, dress up clothes, play dishes etc!--whittling down her toy collections to what she will really play with (and really hoping it will be easier for her to clean up from here on in!). I got rid of one garbage bag of garbage and three bags of toys/dress up clothes! It was incredible how much "stuff" can accumulate! We are certainly blessed to have the opportunity to have all these things. We will be digging through those bags soon and find toys that would be suitable to be donated to the orphanage we're visitting/serving at this summer in Mexico. It will be a good lesson for the kids--a reminder of all that we have and a lesson in generosity and giving.
Watermelon.
I definitely LOVE this fruit! As soon as the watermelons come into the grocery stores in March I start buying a large one every week or two until they are no longer available (around September!). Jon doesn't like watermelon so that just leaves more for me and the kids :-) Thank you Lord for making such a delicious fruit!

Counting My Blessings...

Good health.
Just thinking I can't take it for granted.

Choosing to Receive Forgiveness

As I reflected on TW ch 19 "Opening the Prison Gates" it was the first time in my readings of TW that I realized the need to forgive myself. This is my prayer:

Dear Lord, I choose to receive Your forgiveness for myself for failing so many times--in particular back in 2002 to 2004 when I just couldn't seem to get back in my bmi zone and then from there things just got worse. It was a heart issue at the core of it all. Please forgive me for failing to surrender to you and your will. I choose to no longer live in that failure but rather move forward in Your grace. In Jesus name, amen

I was struck by a wonderful statement that Debby posted yesterday on the TW forums:

The neat thing is that we are learners, not failures.

Isn't that a neat statement?!!! I thought it was a wonderful perspective that will certainly stick with me!

As I was reading this chapter, this verse popped out to me as well:
"Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord'--and you forgave the guilt of my sin." Psalm 32:1-5

Counting My Blessings...

Rain
I know that in a couple days when this rain ends everything will be transformed as gardens, trees, grass will be in full bloom.
My parents who live nearby
I'm thankful that we get to see them often and that our kids got to have a sleepover with them tonight....and Jon & I got a night out:-)

Wonderful friends

Goal #5 - not met

I'm a little sad to say I didn't quite meet goal #5 of waiting until next Friday to weigh-in. I was trying to go 2 weeks without weighing myself... I got through one week though. I don't believe weighing myself weekly is a problem in itself, but I had been feeling challenged to extend the length of time between weigh-ins for this month...probably because the scale clearly has a little more power then it should have in my life at this time.

On the positive note, another pound was released this past week which was probably because I was fairly consistent (through God's grace, strength and power which equipped me of course) with 0-5 eating (even with a bit more ice cream and chocolate in my food log entries lately then I would prefer). Even more importantly I feel God is doing some heart work in me.

I need to learn to just trust Him and trust my body... Actually this is all ringing a bell.... I was just reading Thin Again chapter 6 last night and this paragraph stood out for me:

"The healing process continues as we put ourselves in a safe environment characterized by ongoing support, honesty, unconditional love, prayer, and the Holy Spirit's love and power. In Thin Within support groups, workshop participants continue to meet and hold each other accountable. The support groups remind us that the basis of this new relationship with food, eating and our bodies is trust. First, we trust God who created our bodies. Second, we trust our bodies to signal true hunger and to tell us which foods will satisfy us and when we have eaten "0" to "5". In the context of a loving support group, where we are gathered in God's name, we extend that trust to others as we continue to allow our grave clothes to be unwrapped. 'For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them' (matt. 18:20)" TA pg 112

I need to trust God first and foremost (in ALL areas of my life--food and non food) and trust the body that He has made to so ingeniously be just the right size when eating 0-5! How awesome is that! Now I need to internalize all that and REALLY trust!

Counting my Blessings

Lately I have been feeling God nudging me to grow more of a heart of gratitude, to recall and record the blessings He has poured into my life. And then I read TW chapter 17 (Grandeur of Gratitude) and it was like it all together and was crystal clear what God wanted me to do!

"As we continue to be thankful to the Lord, we discover that the shackles of self-preoccupation and greed begin to fall away, that our incessant need or want for more food begins to diminish. We discover that we are being transformed from within. It is in this place of continued surrender that we lay before Him our hearts, our hunger, and yes, our food. We are so grateful for the body He has given us and for His daily provisions. His grace and mercy are measureless." TW pg 174-175

So, I decided to formally recall and record the blessings He has poured into my life with posts labelled as "counting my blessings."

Counting My Blessings...

What a great school trip to the farm!
I am thankful for a great school, great opportunities like these and for a chance to get to know the kids a little better....which I'm sure will help me as I start the lunch monitor job with this very group of students next school year.
The way God speaks to me and impresses things on my heart.
It has been really exciting to be experiencing this more often lately. This blog came out of Him speaking to me on the topic of gratitude. I kept feeling Him impressing this need on my heart and then was reading TW chapter 17 (Grandeur of Gratitude) and it was like it all came together and was crystal clear what God wanted me to do!

I bought a brand new piano yesterday!
What a blessing that was! I'm SOOOO excited about it and thankful for God's provisions and guidance.

A great night's sleep!
It's been awhile since I had a solid 8 hour sleep:-) So I'm pretty happy about that!

Prepared to Give an Answer

In past years I would often have friends come up to me and say "You've lost weight!" and I'd usually be stunned because I was the same weight as usual (was probably just wearing a more flattering outfit!). Last time I lost about 8lbs (reaching 160lbs in March '07) I had many friends notice and say how they could really see the difference in my face etc.

Well, this time round I've had only one comment, despite releasing at least 16lbs (which seems like a lot to me!!!). I've found it surprising that few people have noticed this time round...not offensive or bothersome or even a pride thing, just surprising! I know that eventually weight release will change the way my body looks reflecting the changes from within (I think it has already)....and most likely people will notice the change...and I wouldn't be surprised if many will eventually comment.

The reason I bring this up is not because I want to be noticed or to be praised or to be congratulated... I just know that when physical changes happen people usually take note and often comment. And this time round I want God to get the credit for the changes. I feel God is preparing me and teaching me a lesson in all this. God has been working in my heart the past few days, bringing the following verse to mind frequently which really resonated with me:
"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." 1 Peter 3:15

I believe God is wanting me to be prepared with an answer when people say "You've lost weight. How did you do it?". I know that God has been central in this whole journey and truly the reason for the changes in me (inside and out). I also believe the purpose of this journey has been to ultimately bring God more glory (just as allowing Lazarus to die and then going back and raising him back to life was about God's glory being put on display). I don't want to gip God of ANY glory. I want my answer to point straight to Jesus.

Up until now I don't think I've been fully prepared with a God glorifying answer (at least not a concise one!!!). In the past few days God has started convicting me of this need. I have been encouraged and excited about the this opportunity to be missional in all of this, planting seeds in people's hearts that hopefully stimulate further spiritual discussion. I have been running over things I could say. I am primarily thinking of friends who are non believers who ask this question....how can I be a witness for Christ and bring glory to Him even through something as "ordinary" as weight loss!

So, I'm mulling over what I can say, as I trust the day will come when weight release will be more evident... I want my response to be at the tip of my tongue and God glorifying! One response (to non believers) that keeps running through my head is, "I know this may sound strange to some people, but it's really all about loving God and enjoying food, not the other way around." And then I could go into how I simply followed the God-given hunger/satisfaction signals. This would reflect how this journey has been about surrendering my appetite for food to God. Another response could be, "It has been a very spiritual process for me. God is really changing me from the inside out." I'm still thinking through this one and I am finding that just trying to find these words has helped me reflect more on the changes that God is working in my heart.

Any other thoughts? Any response that some of you have already used and found quite effective and God glorifying? I really want God to get all the glory this time round!

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31

Practicing His Presence cont'd

I have been thinking a lot this weekend about the whole concept of “practicing God’s presence” which I first posted about here. I have been feeling continued and increased conviction to grow in this area, in fact making it part of my goals for the next month.

As I read TW chapter 15 on Saturday, I felt God drawing my attention to these words:

“What a blessing it is to be so loved by one who wants to be with us, even in the most mundane aspects of our lives. When we are faced with a crisis at work, we turn to Him. When a loved one falls ill, we turn to Him. When we don’t know what to do next, we turn to Him. But how does God fit into our playtime? Does He accompany us on camping trips? Does He join us when we have lunch with our friends? What about quiet moments when we are driving? When we take the children to the park? When we relax in the bathtub with a good book? Psalm 139 assures us that the Lord is with us no matter where we are. He wants us to make Him an intentional part of each moment of our lives through prayer.” TW pg 152

This morning as I was doing my devotions and studying the friendship and bond of love that David and Jonathan shared, I felt challenged to really focus and grow in my love and devotion for God. I desire to be in communion with Him every single moment of the day. I desire for Him to be part of every thread of the fabric of my life. I desire to see life through His eyes, live through His strength, be guided through life according to His purposes and vision. I want to grasp how amazing His love is….for GOD IS LOVE (1 John 4:16). How amazing is that!!!! It’s mind-boggling! He IS the very characteristic of LOVE. I want to learn from God, love Him more deeply and experience real authentic intimacy. I want nothing else to master me, nothing else to compete for my attention to Him.

Yet so often I find that life just seems to get busy, even the little mundane things take away my focus from Him. It’s like a web that I just get stuck in and in the process I can go an entire day without even really inviting Him into each moment and end up failing to give Him due attention and devotion.

I really desire to practice His presence and be free of this web of busyness. What a blessing it was this morning when I was woken up bright and early by my Heavenly Father…well, truthfully at the time I was a little frustrated that I couldn’t sleep past 6am, but in the end it was all worth it! I got to spent some time learning from His word before everyone was awake. Then I got to go for a nice jog with Him, enjoying all His creation—the gorgeous budding blossoming trees, the robins busily digging for food in the ground, the stunning green grass, the brilliant blue sky, the heart beating within my chest. Oh how I long and pray for each and every moment to be lived with this heightened awareness of His presence. I really want to grow in this area and choose to be intentional today about practicing His presence.

The First Meal of the Rest of Your Life

I was challenged by this exercise. I have been pretty much following the keys to conscious eating, but I don't think I've invited God into each eating experience as fully as I should. I felt like typing up the exercise from TW pg 154-155 (along with a quick 1-2 word summary for each point) to serve as a reminder for myself. I figure others may find it a useful reminder too...

1.) PRAY

"Ask God to help you honor the body He has given you by maintaining the appropriate boundaries, including time and place. Reaffirm your love for Him and your desire to enjoy the food He has provided."

2.) COMFY

"Select your favorite spot and wear clothes in which you are comfortable."

3.) #0

"Check your hunger level. Plan to be at a 0 so that you can truly enjoy the food."

4.) ENTER GOD'S PRESENCE

"Take a moment to enter into God's presence as you invite Him to be a part of your dining experience."

5.) NOTE ENVIRONMENT

"Notice everything about the environment. No matter how familiar it may be, look at it as if you have never seen it before. Thank the Lrod for all of His provisions."

6.) NOTE FOOD

"Before you start eating, become aware of every item of food. Notice how it looks on the plate. Express your gratitude for the beauty in teh colors of the food and its fragrance. Before taking your first bite, take a moment to thank God for His generous provisions, and pray that the food would bring physical satisfactiona nd health to your body."

7.) SAVOUR

"Chew the food slowly and notice the different flavours and textures."

8.) SAMPLE

"Sample each item and then ask yourself it it was enjoyable. Does it really delight you? Or did you just think it would?"

9.) RATE

"How would you rate each item on your plate from 0 to 10 (0 being awful and 10 being terrific)?"

10.) #5

"Before you continue eating, check in with your hunger #'s. Stop eating when you're at a comfortable 5. Remember, your empty stomach is only as large as your fist."

11.) THANK GOD

"When you've finished, once again thank and praise God, for this time and for what you have learned during the dining experience."