Thin Within~Day 14

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Romans 12:1

I'm to offer my body as a LIVING SACRIFICE to God...

What does that mean?

It comes down to surrendering ALL OF ME to the Lord.

I wonder if I'm trying to hold anything back from the Lord. Am I trying to hide anything from Him?

I know at times I hold on tightly to my selfish desires in regards to eating. I *want* more chocolate. I *want* to eat now. I don't *want* to stop. I need to be willing to do what He wants me to do, to give up what He wants me to give up, to be what He wants me to be.

I was reading Matthew 23 today and it zoned in on the hypocrisy of the Pharisees and teachers of the law.

You give a tenth of your spices... But you have neglected the more
important matters of the law--justice, mercy and faithfulness.

You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.

You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones.

I want to be REAL with both God and with others. I don't want the outside to be looking in perfect order while on the inside I a mess and living for self. I desire to have a heart surrendered fully to God. I want to be concerned with more then just rules and want to go straight to what matters to most to God. I want to clean the inside of the cup so that the outside will also be clean. I want to clear out the dead bones inside the whitewashed tombs and unwrap the grave clothes.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

Here's my eating log for today (so far):

0-5 at 10:45am (hungry at 10:15am)

0-3 at 3:00pm

0-5 at 5:00pm

3-3 at 8:00pm
Note: I just took a few sample bites of a chocolate chip cookie I was baking for my daughter's class party tomorrow. I am longing to eat some more chocolate bars...but I surrender this longing to Jesus. I know He is providing something even better for me that will satisfy me yet more!

Thin Again - ch 6 reflections & ques.

(For those who already read this post earlier, I changed it around noon today (saturday)! sorry! I was re-reading and wanted to convey my thoughts a bit more clearly:-) I put a * beside the sections that I changed....)

Chapter 6
Dependence Not Addiction

Here's a brief summary of how addiction is defined in this chapter:
"To give assent… We give ourselves over to relationships, objects, or substances in our attempt to satisfy our desparate need for security, significance, and love... Addiction results from a misplaced human attempt to satisfy our legitimate, God-given need for intimacy... " TA pg 105

The link between addiction and idolatry:
"The objects of our addictions become our false gods. These are what we attend to, where we give our time and energy, instead of love. Addiction, then, displaces and supplants God’s love as the source and object of our deepest true desire. Spiritually, addiction (becomes) a deep-seated form of idolatry." TA 106

This chapter really drove home to me some areas that I need to work on. First of all I had to refresh my memory of what "grave clothes" are defined as and which ones I had pinpointed earlier. Here's what I wrote earlier:
I think grave clothes could refer to anything in my life that prevents me from being spiritually “healthy” and alive, living in right relationship and obedience to Christ…which eventually spills over into other areas of my life (physical, relational, emotional etc.) and prevents me from glorifying God and shining for Him as effectively. In a nutshell the way I would envision ‘grave clothes’ in my life is any area of my life that is not surrendered to Christ.

Identify your grave clothes:
The grave clothes I pinpointed previously were: disordered eating, emotions and poor time management. I still am in agreement with that assessment.

Why you are wearing them? What changes do you expect when they are removed?
*Disordered eating:
In the past, in particular, I have tended to ignore my hunger/fullness. I have tended to gravitate towards what I WANT NOW! I have been mastered by my enjoyment of foods and sweets. I have had little willpower or self-discipline. I have cried out to God for help but have not followed through and grabbed hold of the help He has offered. And I just continued gaining weight. I'd sometimes lose some weight, then yo-yo right back to where I started plus some. I wait expectantly for the day when I am fully surrendered to God with my eating, when the root of greed and gluttony is gone, when I find my truest satisfaction and joy in being obedient and surrendered to God.

Emotions:
I think I wear them to control people (mostly my family). I wear them also to let out what I feel inside. As I become more self-controlled with my emotions I would expect to see better marriage and family relationships. I would expect to find more satisfaction pouring out my needs to God rather then taking it out on the family.

Poor time management:
The computer is the main thing that side-tracks me from using my time wisely. I think it tends to become a bit of a lifeline to the outside world as I don't work outside the home. It is just very accessible. If I found balance in this area I would expect to have a more vibrant relationship with God and people and more orderly house.

Have I DEPENDED on God? Do I actually rely on God for strength?
*One of the most memorable times of depending on God was when my oldest daughter was 3 years old and in ICU battling kawasaki disease, her heart not functioning properly, majorly dehydrated and battling a high fever. I so clearly remember her lifeless body and the fears and anxieties that I was faced with....and also the tremendous source of strength I found in relying on God through this time. I would run to God's word every chance I got and cry out in prayer constantly as I stayed almost round the clock in the ICU ward for that week. It was a time of tremendous growth for me and a great reminder of what truly depending on God is like. (and praise God for her full recovery!)

I have been depending on God for strength and help throughout this whole TW journey. Each day I call out a prayer of surrender and ask for His help and strength. I know He has provided me with all I need to succeed, fully equipping me.

Sadly though, I think I fail in this area all the time. It’s one thing to pray and ask God for help…it’s another thing to actually surrender and ALLOW Him to help me and show me the way out, to direct my paths and FOLLOW Him! It is my desire to grow in this area.

So where do I go from here?
*Eating:
This is finally changing. I am seeing changes within my heart. Praise God! I know I will need to continue to be vigilant and on guard at all times, but I also trust that God will restore me to wholeness as I press on to surrender to Him and depend on Him. I need to continue with conscious 0-5 eating. The changes that are beginning to become really deeply instilled in me are very exciting! I hope and pray this lasts for life!

Emotions:
I need to continue to throw myself on God when I feel strong emotions, ask Him for help to be self-controlled and wait on Him. The more time I spend in His presence the more I will experience victory with this area I believe. I actually don't struggle with this on a daily basis anymore.

I think I tend to struggle with this more when I'm dissatisfied with myself, when I feel like I'm out of control with myself. This is when I begin to just get impatient with anything and everything...and everyone in my family! When I feel that I'm living in surrender to Christ I feel more patient and loving... Aha! Good to pinpoint that! Therefore, I'd say that in general I have experienced progress in this area, praise God! So I think the best way to move forward in this area is to practice His presence more, something God has been laying on my heart lately.

Poor time management:
I definitely have to work on my poor time management. I think my house is showing the effects of my negligence! Also I know I'm missing out on moments with my family. The computer definitely monopolizes my time when improperly managed and balanced. I know that this will change as summer approaches. The ties will be cut as we head off camping and on other travels. I look forward to this change of pace. For now I think a practical step to take would be for me to log my online time (privately that is!). This would help me stay more balanced.

"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." 2 Corinthians 7:10

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Thin Again - ch 5 Reflections

“In peeling away (the grave clothes), layer by layer, your beliefs, experiences, and self-concepts, you will learn to establish a mastery over eating that will serve you for the rest of your life. As you wrestle with your relationship with food in the present, day after day, you need to remember that God has something particular in mind for you where food, eating, and weight are concerned. God is at work in your daily dependence on food, calling you to listen to your silent hunger and to let him satisfy your deepest longing. God calls us, through the most basic function of our daily life, to look deeply into ourselves, to look beyond a simple change in our size or outer appearance: He wants to transform us from the inside out for eternity." TA pg 100-101

This portion of chapter 5 really stood out to me. I know that God is calling me to learn about surrendering to Him…in ALL areas of my life. He wants me to depend on Him and find complete fulfillment in Him. I also know He has a purpose in all of this! How exciting to be part of that!



As I contemplate how each moment matters, I am struck by how this “most basic function of our daily life” could be likened to the talents that the servants were entrusted with in Matthew 25:14-30. Though this may not be a typical interpretation of talents, I have been thinking how talents (in the context of this story) could also refer beautifully to challenges or hurdles I face in surrendering everything to Christ. He wants me to be faithful with the talents He has given me, no matter what the size (no matter how big the challenge). The servants were entrusted with different amounts of talents, to do the best they could possibly do with them...all for the master's benefit. When the master returned, he rewarded those who were good stewards of the talents by allowing them to share in the "master's happiness." I desire to be like the servants who made the most of what they were entrusted with. I want to do it all for my Master's benefit and glory and be able to share in His happiness.

“I commit faithfully to myself and to God, acknowledging that I am valuable enough in Christ to fill my life with good things—things that please me on all levels and that are pleasing to the Lord. Releasing the beliefs that do not reflect God’s truth, I also release the excess weight.” TA pg101

On the weekend Heidi was mentioning how it would be good to discover non-food treats. What else do I find fulfilling and enjoyable and able to bring as great pleasure (or even more) than a big bowl of ice cream? What else could draw me away from a bag of salty “addictive” chips midway through and really grasp my attention? What else could make me forget about the fresh cinnamon buns on the counter? Definitely something for me to ponder and discover!

I look forward to the day when I can say that chips, ice cream, social outings, camping etc. don’t set me off spiraling into gluttony. I look forward to the day when this surrender with 0-5 eating just flows naturally from me and is not stressed about or worried about, but just naturally lived. I look forward to the day when I find my most treasured moments spent with Jesus. I find great hope in this verse:

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

Thin Again - ch 2 Questions

I feel a bit inadequate answering many of these questions as many people have experienced much deeper, more hurtful things in their lives. My answers may seem insensitive and "fluffy" to those who have experienced this degree of pain... I answered the questions to the best of my ability given my own experiences.... I also withheld some answers that were a little too personal to share in this public forum.

What is required in order to be “restored”?
We must allow God to move and to work in us, speaking through our silent hunger that we’ve tried in vain to satisfy.


What was most meaningful to you about the story of Lazarus being raised from the dead?
I had never noticed that his family/friends were called upon to unwrap him. It was quite an interesting picture in my mind. I know God has called certain people into my life to “unwrap” me in many areas of my life. If I take this a step beyond hunger issues, I see this analogy can be used in just about any area
God is calling me to grow and become more like Him. I appreciate friends who help “sharpen” me.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17


What is meant by “grave clothes”?
The author’s pinpoint our disordered eating for this analogy. I think grave clothes could refer to anything in my life that prevents me from being spiritually “healthy” and alive, living in right relationship and obedience to Christ…which eventually spills over into other areas of my life (physical, relational, emotional etc.) and prevents me from glorifying God and shining for Him as effectively. In a nutshell the way I would envision ‘grave clothes’ is any area of my life that is NOT SURRENDERED to Christ.


List anything in your life that might be considered grave clothes.
At times….
- my disordered eating
- my strong emotions that I know my husband has been called to help me keep in check
- my poor use of time which eventually begins to show effects on my spiritual, physical and emotional condition


Who would you be willing to have help you remove your grave clothes?
Obviously my husband first and foremost. I have also surrounded myself with supportive friends – online and in person – who can help me in this area of surrender to God and restoration.


How does deception and/or denial contribute to your disordered eating?
I’m not sure if it is even classified as deception/denial when I binge eat. I have a hard time even labelling my overeating spurts as “binges” but in reality that’s what they are…. When I eat outside of 0-5 parameters I KNOW I’m not being obedient….yet, I still KNOWINGLY keep doing it. I’m not sure it is deception or denial at all….but rather flat out disobedience/rebellion on my part.


What happens when we choose to allow our grave clothes to be removed?
“Where denial darkens our path and compulsions hide and confine us, the light of God’s love gently and compassionately penetrates the layers of our most ingrained defense mechanisms and coaxes us out of the tomb into the light…. When we choose to allow the unwrapping of our grave clothes, we find a God who infinitely loves us and desires that we grow up into the fullness of the stature of Christ.” (TA pg 41)

We begin to comprehend and appreciate our value and worth and accept ourselves as we see ourselves through God’s eyes. "When we are restored to intimacy with God and receive his love, we become open to genuine intimacy with those around us.” (TA pg 45)


Describe your perfect family of God.
I wonder what the author means by family of God…earthly or heavenly? I see so many flaws and shortcomings with the family of God here on earth. I see that we are called to a different kind of community where we are called to sharpen and encourage others in the faith and to become more like Christ…unwrapping the grave clothes of each other. However I see the shortcomings far more often then not. I know (and am exceedingly grateful for) certain people in my life who are sisters/brothers in Christ who embody the characteristics the author is drawing out – accepting, trusting, grateful, unconditional love, allowing freedom, gentle, worthwhile. Yet I believe we’re never perfect until we are in Heaven. We can never trust anybody as we can trust God.


How does God see you?
His child. He looks at me with love and care. He sees me as full of potential to glorify Him in all I say and do and yet also sees my shortcomings and graciously continues to extend His love and mercy to me and help equip me to overcome these shortcomings and ultimately glorify Him.


How do you see yourself?
I believe I am “fearfully and wonderfully made”. I have grown to understand that God sees all that I am and has designed me for a purpose just the way I am. I may have to experience “sickness or death” in certain areas just as Lazarus did, yet He will ultimately be glorified as I mature and grow in my faith and surrender more and more of myself to Him.


What can we look forward to when God restores us?
“Renewed intimacy with God and ourselves quiets the insistent cry of our silent hunger and satisfies us in ways that nothing of this world or of our own doing can… We find a deep sense of security and significance based on God’s image of us, knowing we are accepted by God as we are… When we are restored to intimacy with God and receive his love, we become open to genuine intimacy with those around us.” (TA pg 45)

“Removing our grave clothes bring us to truth. When we know the truth, we are freed from our attempts to fill our need for intimacy with food rather than with our living God. We are freed from our distorted view of God and ourselves, and we are freed for the true intimacy that will allow us to receive and give genuine life-giving love.” (TA pg. 46)

I still have to read the scripture readings that are suggested... Will get to that tomorrow. This book definitely takes more time and thought then TW did! But it's really good thinking material :-)

View my Daily Food Log here.

Thin Again - ch 2 reflections

I just finished reading chapter 2. It took a few days to read. I've still not completely absorbed it. Definitely a deeper, more introspective read then Thin Within. I can see how people could find it painful and difficult to read this book as the authors really are drawing the reader's attention to wounds in their life and very effectively seem to also walk the reader through the process of healing and right relationship with God and others. Since I've not experienced the kind of trauma in my life that requires this degree of introspection I find of a lot of the points/observations not quite as applicable to my own life situation at this time. However, there is still MUCH to be learned and that I am learning as I turn the pages of this book.

A few quotes that stood out for me:

"Eugene Peterson comments, 'Any formula that prevents failure also prevents freedom.'" (TA pg. 34)

"Peterson continues, 'He who has never failed somewhere, that man cannot be great. Failure is the true test of greatness.' Our greatness lies in our faith in God. He is always there to pick us up, and he continues walking with us until we have our ultimate freedom, when the underlying causes of our disordered eating have been resolved." (TA pg. 35)

I was absolutely blown away by the story of Lazarus and the lessons learned from that story. I had actually studied this story from John 11 just last month while reading "Calm my Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow. It was talking about how Jesus could have spared Lazarus from dying had he gone right aways when he received word of Lazarus' sickness... Then Lazarus dies and when Jesus receives word of this He says, "...and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him." (John 11:15) Then He brings Lazarus miraculously back to life and Jesus says, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" (John 11:40) As I reflected on this story it struck me how God allows things into our lives so that people will be drawn to believe Him and seek Him...and ultimately God is glorified.

Thin Again chapter 2 drives home another very thought-provoking point from this story that I never noticed before...

"Scripture tells us simply, 'The dead man came out' (v. 44a). Lazarus emerged from the dark tomb after lying dead for four days. He says nothing and does nothing. His face is covered, his hands and feet are bound. He can't see, he can't touch anyone, he can't move very well. 'Take off the grave clothes and let him go,' Jesus tells them (v. 44b). He doesn't address Lazarus. He doesn't tell Lazarus to take off his own grave clothes. He tells the friends and relatives and those who had been in mourning to take off the grave clothes. They are to restore Lazarus to his place in the community, to sight, touch, and wholeness." (TA pg. 37)

"He (God) helps us to heal through restored intimacy by calling us into relationships where we must first rely on him and then on others to help unwrap the grave clothes. Thus our healing process becomes a marriage of the divine and the human. Divine power raised Lazarus and raises us from the dead, and human power unwrapped him and unwraps us. The spiritual and physical reality combine to bring a complete healing." (TA pg.38)

What powerful lessons are contained in that story of Lazarus! I'm going to have to chew on these thoughts for a few more days....

View my Daily Food Log here.