Undivided Heart

Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an UNDIVIDED heart, that I may fear your name. Psalm 86:11

I will give them an UNDIVIDED heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Ezekial 11:19

May the words of my mouth and the MEDITATION OF MY HEART be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

My heart's prayer.

Uh-oh...spoke too soon!

Here I was feeling so good about how I was able to eat chocolate in moderation this week...and then...the door opened a crack and...

WHAM!

I fell flat on my face!

I went out for a meeting after supper...and came back home tired and saw some chocolates on the counter. (My daughter was laxing at her "job"! LOL) First of all, down the hatch went half a cookie (which was also on the counter) - just to "taste-test" of course. And then that opened the door further for those chocolates on the counter. Down the hatch went three more chocolates, for a total of six today. Looks like it will certainly be a miracle if I can stick to FIVE on halloween!

I still feel like digging into something or other tonight. Craving something - sweet or salty.

But I look to the Lord for strength and I will...

STOP!

For His power is made perfect in weakness.

Anyone have a verse that speaks of aligning our hearts with God's? I'm on a search. Because that has been my heart's cry and prayer lately. Some common ones are:

"...the LORD has sought out a man after his own heart..." 1 Samuel 13:14

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." Matthew 22:37

I'm still on the look-out for that verse which becomes my prayer day and night...to align my heart with His.

In the meantime, oh Lord, help me up, keep me from falling...your Word becomes my prayer...

I trust and believe that You are able to keep me from falling and to present me before Your glorious presence without fault and with great joy - to the only God my Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through jesus Christ my Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen. (personalized version of Jude 24-25)

It's working!

So far, this plan to have my daughter hide the chocolates, is working great! She just takes our "order" at dinnertime of which chocolates we request and then she delivers them to us:-) My usual "moderate" portion is three chocolates. And it works. I actually cut back last night and ate only ONE mini chocolate bar....and was satisfied, even with that minimal amount! Amazing! What a difference it makes for me when I know the chocolates are tucked away for another time.

My goal, which for me will be quite a challenge on such a candy-laden day, is to only eat FIVE mini chocolate bars/candies on halloween itself! Now, this will be a miracle if I can do this! I'll keep you posted!

Hide the Candy...please!

I asked my 10 year old daughter to hide the mini chocolates from me tonight! We all were having quite a good chuckle out of that. She thought it was great fun! :-) Sometimes Jon hides them...but tonight I thought I'd give her the job...

My kids both know that I struggle with overeating on sweets...as do they to a degree. I hope it doesn't affect my children negatively, to see me struggling with these food issues... I just hope and pray they see that I am aiming to glorify God and surrender my body to Him.

So, in the meantime, we all took a moderate portion of sweets for dessert tonight...3 mini chocolate bars each...and then they got tucked out of sight, who knows where in my daughter's room somewhere!

I find it quite funny how much I trust my daughter... Some parents would NOT be able to trust their kids with a box of like 100 chocolates in their room! But I know my daughter is going to take this job very seriously! :-)

Temptation Zones

#1. LATE NIGHT POPCORN MUNCHIES
Popcorn munchies on weekends after the kids are in bed...a treat I always seem to gravitate towards. I usually cave in IMMEDIATELY to the craving. I don't even try to fight it. I get sucked into a TV show/movie and tune out the voice of the Holy Spirit.

In the future I can prepare for victory, aware that I'm going to fight this temptation by...

• SAVING my appetite for this popcorn treat (eating within 0-5)

or

• BATTLING this craving by first going to the bedroom and reading God's word/praying and then GETTING MY HANDS BUSY! Grab some laundry and fold it, work on a craft, write out some kind of organization list or do some music planning while watching the show, pull out some cards to write encouragement notes to friends, write a letter to a friend/family member from far away while watching the show.

#2. SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR...more more more....
Another time of temptation is the continued lust for more sugar. My body just doesn't want to stop. In the past I sometimes try to replace the urge with another substitute food...but in the end it becomes a long string of eating mess ups, which usually ends up still eating the food that was on my "no, no" list...and in the end overeating far too much. Sometimes I just go straight to binging on the sweets I'm craving.

In the future I can carve out a reasonable amount of dessert as a boundary line and stick to my guns with it - ex. 2 cookies, 1 cup ice cream, 1 piece cake etc. MODERATION! And if my craving continues, STOP and PRAY and FEAST on God's word. I can go to the bedroom and journal, pray, read, listen to a sermon on file etc.

#3. FOOD PLEASE PICK-ME-UP....I'm tired!
One more situation I struggle with is eating when I'm tired as a pick-me-up. I'm VERY vulnerable. I MUST realize that food does NOT give me the energy I'm seeking. It simply soothes my taste-buds and feels good temporarily.

Instead I must find a way to be truly revitalized. Lie down, close my eyes, pray, listen to music, relax, listen to a sermon...

REMEMBER:
No food will satisfy my heart nor fill the emptiness in my soul. That is what Jesus Christ is for. He is "real meat" and the "bread of life" and I am to feed on Him. (TLT pg 7)

Some verses that have been an encouragement to me the past day or so and which I have tucked away in memory now and want to continue chewing on and feasting on...

"Your words were found and I ate them, and Your words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart; for I have been called by Your name, O LORD God of hosts." Jeremiah 15:16

"I have not departed from the command of His lips; I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my necessary food." Job 23:12

God's Glory

I haven't made much use of my blog in quite some time. And, in all honesty, I'm not sure I am going to have the time to keep posting on a regular basis. But, this morning, I felt God beginning to tie a whole bunch of loose ends together for me.

I've really been struggling with surrendering my body to the Lord, particularly with regards to eating/exercise. My weight has climbed. I didn't step on the scale today so I don't know what the exact # is. But I do know I'm in the 160's.

On a positive note, I'm persevering, not stressing about what a # on a scale says, generally eating 0-5 (within hunger/satisfaction) for most eating ocassions and making myself accountable each and every day to some closer friends online.

On the flip side.... I've felt my heart captured by greed, particularily when it comes to sugary stuff. I rarely tackle battles, even when I know what the right thing to do is, even when I know what "truth" is. My heart just doesn't want to do the right thing enough, I guess. My relationship with God has been somewhat dry the past couple months, since we returned from Mexico. I am longing for that hunger/thirst for God that I experienced last year, when God was my alarm clock and I was hungry to dig into His word, into time of communion with Him, into memorizing His word. Oh how I long for that!

Yesterday was a completely greedy eating kind of day. I ate and ate sugar sugar sugar, the very thing I'd felt compelled to abstain from for a time. I ate outside of 0-5 for most of the day. And I felt sickened by how far I have strayed from God's will.

This morning I woke up with the resolve to actually follow "The Lord's Table" program. I think I may actually use the eating schedule this time, only as a way to discipline my heart to seek God first and foremost. Last time I worked through TLT I simply used TW 0-5 as my eating plan. But I think I may need a little bit of a "wake up" call right now. I need to seek God more than food is what it comes down to. That being said, I dug into day 1 of TLT and what was printed in those pages reflected much of what God has been speaking to me lately.

As I have been studying week 2 of "Secrets Jesus Shared" I felt God continually impressing on me the importance of my FOCUS to be on Him, not letting things (like TV/computer, busyness etc.) distract me from pursuing Him. As I dug back into re-memorizing some verses the one that had become my prayer just this past week was,

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who EARNESTLY SEEK HIM." Hebrews 11:6 (emphasis mine)

At our small group meeting on Friday night, God spoke to my heart once again as the main point we zoned in on was the importance of PURSUING GOD.

And that brings me to today, as I studied TLT I read the following verses and began chewing on these words...

"but whenever a person turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:16-18

"God, after He spoke long ago to the fathers in the prophets in many portions and in many ways, in these last days has spoken to us in His Son, whom He appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the world. And He is the radiance of His glory and the exact represenation fo His nature, and upholds all things by the word of his power. When He had made purification of sings, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, having become as much better than the angels, as He has inherited a more excellent name than they." Hebrews 1:1-4

As I went for a walk this morning I was struck by the fact that I've been approaching this eating surrender issue wrongly. Though I've been aiming to take thoughts captive and replace with truth - a right and noble endeavor - I've missed the most important point of all... IT'S ALL ABOUT THE HEART. I can't just snap my fingers and say, "Christina, time to replace that lie with truth." Though of course that is a good aim. Even praying a prayer in a certain way, going through systematic motions to "magically" say the right words isn't really the right way, though once again it is good to aim to pray about this issue.

Each of those things God had impressed on me in the "Secrets Jesus Shared" study, in my memorization of God's word and in small group began to come together today. I realized that it is not about following a system, a set of steps, putting on and off...though each and every one of these have a place and a time.

It's about GAZING at, SITTING in, ABSORBING the truth of His Glory, Jesus Himself the "radiance of His Glory."

Just being WITH God, in His presence, experiencing and seeing His glory, my HEART will begin to change and be transformed. And from a heart change comes a will change. And each of these other steps flows naturally as the Holy Spirit transforms - putting off the old self, putting on the new self, taking thoughts captive, my mind being renewed with God's truth, prayer of repentance etc.

It's time to stop going through the motions and trying to be the change agent...and instead just STOP and SIT at His feet and draw near to the Lord and let HIM, in His glory, change and transform me.

I feel hope welling up inside me once again.

Wildly and Extravagantly Generous

The title of this post has been resonating with me ever since I came across those words in the "Secrets Jesus Shared" study a couple days ago. Reflecting on Matthew 6:19-34, Jennifer Kennedy Dean writes,

"...those who are in the kingdom can be generous to those around them because God will take care of all their needs. Kingdom-focused living frees you from anxiety about temporal things so you can express the kingdom into the circumstances of earth.... Having no fear of lack, you can let go of material possessions and be wildly and exravagantly generous." Secrets Jesus Shared by Jennifer Kennedy Dean pg 65

I had a job plop into my lap very unexpectedly two weeks ago. I was at the school (where I work as a lunch monitor and my kids attend). And the principal approached me and offered me a job working with the kindergarten and grade 1 students two days a week. I was in such shock and was absolutely ecstatic! What a privilege and honor and compliment it was. Granted the job pays just a little more than minimum wage, but it is a less stressful job than the lunch job and it is also a way to get my foot in the door for other jobs of this kind in the school division.

I feel that God GAVE me this job. What a blessing!

One of my first thoughts was, "Now we have some extra money to give away!" Seriously, that was my initial thought. And then before you knew it, the wheels starting turning in my head and my husband's and we began to "spend" that extra at least in our heads....

Here's a video shown last Sunday at church.



And here is a link that was in the headline news today: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8306556.stm

Just a few days prior I had been reading an article in Christianity Today magazine featuring Francis Chan. Here is another article, though not the exact one that I read.... http://www.christianitytoday.com/tc/peopleoffaith/profiles/francischanscrazlyove.html In the original article I read that he actually gives away 90% of his income!

Striking. Disturbing. Moving. Shocking. Isn't it?

I feel moved to action.

Going a step further with this "wildly and extravagantly generous" approach that Jesus was recommending in Matthew 6:19-34, I realize that there are so many ways we can display this kind of generousity - not just monetary. My time is expendable and valuable...perhaps more than my money. And I am left wondering HOW God wants me to generous. Does He want me to be stretched with the three jobs I'm working right now, leaving me with little time to visit the Pakistani muslim families I mentioned in my previous post? Does He want me to earn some extra $$'s so we have even more to give financially to those in need? Or does He want me to quit one of my jobs (the lunch job is the one I feel most drawn to cut) so that I can spend my time visiting those in need?

Needless to say, it's a tough decision to ponder. Whatever the case, my heart is chewing on Jesus' words and I'm in prayer on this.

I want to be wildly and extravagantly generous with my life. I want to spend my life on what matters in the light of eternity.

Father, please be a light to my path and a lamp to my feet. I am Yours. Use me.

$1

photo by merlinprincesse
A couple months back I was floored that God had once again introduced me to another Pakistani family, on a short little visit to a local convenience store down the road from my house. Seeing the dark skinned couple behind the counter, the lady wearing a full hijab (head covering), I felt the urge to ask where they were from....and received the reply, "Pakistan." I was astounded and moved to tears as I realized that once again God was placing these beautiful people into my life, having prepared me for this season of life with ten years of my childhood spent in Pakistan.

This past year I have been developping a beautiful and sweet friendship with a Pakistani lady just a block from my house, who I had also met out of the blue. And now, I could see that once again God was moving and was directing as I met this couple at the convenience store. It moves me deeply as I feel a kinship with Pakistan. In my heart, Pakistan is my second home.

To give some perspective, our area of the city is majority white skinned folks. We do not have much representation of other ethnicities in our area. To have met two separate families this past year, both from Pakistan, is quite shocking for me!

I didn't have the foresight to ask for a phone # that day...and it has been heavy on my heart ever since.

I often go for a brisk walk after dropping the kids off at school and inevitably my route is taking me past this very convenience store time and again. And inevitably I feel this tugging at my heart to go inside and ask for that phone number. But inevitably I shrink back in fear, full of excuses.

Today, I once again felt that tug...the Holy Spirit's nudge, "Christina, go ahead and walk into that convenience store and ask for that phone number."

"But, Lord," I fumbled and stumbled, "I'll look foolish. What if they are not even at the store today...what will I do then?"

"Go, Christina."

"Okay, here's the deal. If...and I mean only *IF*....I have some coins in my jacket pocket, I'll go inside, I promise Lord." I doubt I have ANY money in my pockets so this seems a safe way out.

I start to rummage through my pockets as I pass the store. And sure enough, according to God's plan, I find a $1 coin that God has orchestrated to be in my pocket at that very moment.

"But, but, but....okay, Lord, I'll go in." *sigh*

I enter the store, and wander aimlessly around the store towards the coffee section and see that coffee costs $1.50. Then I turn around and just decide to jump right in and to the point and skip the coffee.

"I was wondering if I could get T's phone number," I ask the dark skinned man behind the counter. I stumble around with my words and explain how I had met T and his wife previously and how I had grown up in Pakistan and would like to meet T's wife.

"He's my brother. My wife and I live with T and his wife," is the reply that greets my ears.

Whew! God, are you telling me that I am now possibly meeting TWO families all in one shot?! Wow!

After we exchanged phone numbers, A says, "Please go and have a coffee. Don't worry about paying." I actually don't even much like coffee and stumble around with my words once again, basically saying "Thanks, but no thanks." I thank him, tucking the piece of paper with the phone numbers in my pocket, wave goodbye and start my walk home, my heart singing.

My heart is soaring with praise and excitement. And I sense that God is at work in a unique and special way, with a plan that may very well have been ordained for my life since the beginning of time.

I feel myself growing up. I feel myself being prepared for something big and momentous in the spiritual realm.

Thank you Lord for that $1. Prepare me for your work. I am Yours.

Life=Risk

If You Feel Like Giving Up...

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." James 1:2-5