Jogging, Wind & Persevering

(Not me in this picture btw--just found it online, thought it was fitting for this post!)

As a child I believed I was a complete failure at running. I hated running or relay races, even baseball…probably largely because of the pressure of others watching me run in these races…and knowing I’d inevitably be the slowest!

Well a few years ago I decided to give running a try again. I started running 1 km and then eventually began frequently running 2 km (with some walking breaks of course!). I discovered I wasn’t a complete failure at running after all! It was really my beliefs about myself that were setting me up for failure. What a joy it was to discover I could do it after all!

This spring I decided to push myself a little further and began running 3 km. I didn’t find it that crazy difficult so yesterday I decided to try a 4 km run….and managed to do it without much difficulty! Woohoo! Maybe I’ll work my way towards doing a half marathon next spring…we’ll see!

I’m guessing some lessons could be gleaned simply from that little rambling…about how we need to look at what we believe….and what we believe should be grounded in God’s truth. Just like the story of the eagle who believed he was a chicken!

However that’s not why I’m rambling about jogging! When I went jogging the other day it was like the wind was my helper on the first stretch of my run. However when I turned around to run back I discovered it was pretty challenging to run into that wind and keep pressing forward! In that moment I knew God was teaching me a lesson.

Sometimes on this “thin within” journey it seems like I have smooth sailing, the wind pushes me forward. God's presence is very real to me. 0-5 eating seems pretty straightforward with no real challenges that seem insurmountable. I feel like I’m in the “zone”. And weight seems to melt off my body.

At other times I feel like everything is a challenge. I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle (and not the kind of “losing” that I want!). I stray from 0-5 eating very easily. I struggle to experience God’s strength at these times. I feel like a failure at these times. Yet, I know I must keep pressing on…I have to get home after all! I know that God is with me through all the ups and the downs of this journey. He is teaching me things through both the "easy" and the "hard" times. I know I've quoted this verse many times, but it touches me every time I read it:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

And then of course this verse also encourages "pressing on"...

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Phil 3:14

I think the reason this hit me was that right now I’m feeling like I’m running into the wind, struggling to keep pressing on. I have not been living my life fully surrendered to the Lord (particularly with eating) the past few days. I don’t like having to admit this! But it’s true! I don’t know why I’m having such trouble.

Why am I willing to walk away from this “great project” that the Lord is working in my life?

Why am I eating past full?

Why am I not spending enough time focussing on God, his constant presence and his plans for me?

Why am I not relying on God when he promises to equip me and strengthen me?

Why am I hard hearted, hardly caring that I am making choices that are displeasing to God?

Why does it not make me feel truly sorrowful?

My heart is heavy as I ponder these questions...

Oh Father God, I want to have a soft, tender heart. I want to live a life pleasing to you. I want to glorify you in all I say and do. Please forgive my rebellious heart. Help me walk the path of your provision once again. I look to you for grace, mercy and strength at this time, with the assurance that you are indeed working through these times to make me mature and complete, not lacking anything. In Jesus name, Amen.