A Pig, A Cat and a Big Mud Puddle

My goal this week is to be a cat...not a pig!

Okay, that probably doesn't make much sense. So I'll explain. Sunday's sermon really struck a chord with me. One illustration really stuck. The speaker asked, "Have you ever seen a cat go through a mud puddle?" followed by "Have you ever seen a pig go through a mud puddle?"

He proceeded to describe some of the things he'd seen growing up on the farm. He talked about how cats, when facing a mud puddle, would jump from rock, to tuft of grass, to rock etc. to get to the other side of the mud puddle, fully aware of every angle as they crossed. And when they got to the other side they would clean off any mud that was stuck to their fur. (Of course this is probably not always the case! But works for the sake of this illustration.) Here is a youtube clip I found of a cat and a puddle...

Did you notice how the cat was really not that interested in the mud puddle and actually turned away and walked the other direction?

Now on the other hand, the speaker emphasized that pigs never go "through" a mud puddle! They love to just get right in there, roll around, get as mucky as possible. Then some of the mud begins to dry and cake on and they get a bit itchy and then they roll around some more. You get the picture. They really make themselves at home in the mud. Here's another youtube clip that may help illustrate the point.

The point of this illustration is that we need to "walk circumspectly" (Ephesians 5:15 KJV). The speaker mentioned how the word circumspectly comes from two different roots - circumference and inspect. I'm not sure where he got that from as I couldn't find that in my searches. Here is a definition that I found for circumspect:

Aware of all circumstances; considerate of all that is pertinent; cautious, prudent, thoughtful, or wary.

His point was that when we walk circumspectly we are seeing things from all angles (the whole circumference) and we are inspecting the situation.

This got me thinking. Am I going through life like a pig or like a cat?! I know that sounds like a crazy question. But the image of the different approaches resonates with me. Right now I feel like a pig rolling around in the mud puddle of sin (in particular the sin of gluttony and lack of self control), instead of prudently and intentionally inspecting each step I take, aiming to get to the other side as cleanly as possible.

Now I know that ultimately without the Holy Spirit guiding and directing me I will be wallowing in the mud. I'm human and I very well know that I have this tug of war to do what my flesh wants. It says in Galatians 5:16-18, 25:

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

As we are filled with the Spirit (Eph. 5:18), have the mind of Christ (1 Cor. 2:16), led by the Spirit (Gal. 5:18) and keeping in step with the Spirit (Gal. 5:25) we begin to see situations through different eyes...ultimately with a renewed mind (Rom. 12:2). We see that mud puddle of sin and begin to see the way out of temptation (1 Cor. 10:13) and begin to see what God's will is (Rom. s 12:2).

So, my goal this week is to be a cat....not a pig! Application of this means I am going to be aiming to "walk circumspectly," soaking up God's word and truth every chance I get! If I don't know and acknowledge the truth, how can I live the truth? I want to be transformed by the renewing of my mind this week (Rom. 12:2). I want to watch and pray so that I will not fall into temptation (Matt. 26:41). And ultimately I want to SHINE for Jesus and be the aroma of Christ to those around me (2 Cor. 2:15). Ultimately I know that I can't get around or through this mud puddle without Christ! I cling to the following verse:

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 2 Corinthians 4:7

Challenge #8 ~ Slowly Savor

This is the last Thin Within conscious eating key to unpack! Wow, time has flown. And sadly I feel I have not put off the old self and put on the new in the past eight weeks. However, one positive is that I think the eight keys have really been ingrained in my memory much better than ever before. Digesting them one week at a time has given me a chance to absorb and apply the concept more fully.

So, here is the last one....

Eat slowly and savor each bite.

People often eat when they are distracted or distressed. Since we are not eating consciously at these times, the result can be overindulgence. If we eat only when we are hungry, and if we sit down, relax, and focus on our food, we will truly enjoy the eating experience and we can stop the habitual "inhaling" of food. You can enjoy your food, one small bite at a time. Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks (Nehemiah 8:10). As you "enjoy choice food and sweet drinks," you will be surprised how little food it takes to make you feel satisfied. As you eat more slowly, your stomach can accurately signal your brain as to when your physical need for food has been satisfied. TW pg10

This should be a fun and challenging challenge this week:-)

The first thing that comes to mind is that if I am not sitting to eat I am likely not eating slowly, savoring each bite or focusing on the food. I'm likely shoving it in my mouth as fast as I can.

The second thing that comes to mind is that IF I actually ate slowly and savored the food I'd be able to more easily find #5, be focusing on the food and conversation and also be finding which foods are pleasers/teasers/wholebody pleasers or total rejects.

I am looking forward to more consciously applying this key in the upcoming week. I'll let you know how it goes! Anyone else joining me?

Truth Journaling ~ Sugary Stuff

Here's something I truth journaled just yesterday evening. I think my version of "truth journaling" is blended with the "Thin Within" observation/correction model. Ultimately I'd say both approaches are aimed at taking every thought captive and making them obedient to the Lord and to be transformed by the renewing of the mind.

"...we take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5

"...be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

Situation:
Sugar is like a web, sucking me into its' vice grip day after day. The situation that drove me to journal about it was my overindulgence in sweet treats after eating a good well balance dinner....starting with eating a large slice of oreo cheesecake...which led to eating some slivers of cheesecake as I put it away.....which led to eating some jelly beans....which led to eating some cinnamon toast crunch cereal. What a slippery slope I was on!!!!

#1. I think it's okay to have sugar in moderation each day.
True. But am I able to eat sugar in moderation? Or do I need to cut it loose for a season? Right now it is my master and I am its slave. Fasting from sugar may be an act of submission to the Lord that is needed right now. My body and life need to be a living sacrifice to the Lord. I cannot serve two masters. If I feel I can't live without it, this probably reflects that I need to be challenged to try!

"No one can serve to masters." Matthew 6:24 (though this is in direct reference to money, it still seems very applicable to food)

"Therefore I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship." Romans 2:1

#2. Sugary stuff is the only thing that sounds good to eat at this moment. This is certainly true. But pre-planning healthy options may help. Healthy stuff will likely sound more appealing if it is ready and available. A lot of my eating choices are based on how quick, accessible and visible the food is...particularily sugar.

#3. Sugary stuff is the only thing that hits the spot.
Not quite true. I'm in a rut where my tastebuds are wired to *crave* sugar. Many other things could hit the spot if I gave them a chance! I just need to get out of this cycle. And on top of everything, GOD should ultimately be the only ONE to "hit the spot"....certainly not food.

#4. I'm not past a #5 yet and really want some jelly beans (after the cheesecake...and extra slivers of cheesecake as I put it away).
That kind of attitude sets me on the slippery slope to defeat. Not only will I likely never feel that satisfied feeling that I'm looking for (rarely does it hit me when I'm eating sugar)...but I will likely also go past a #5 and eat till my tummy hurts and then to top it all off, I'll feel guilty because I stepped outside the boundaries I feel called to. Pushing my hunger #'s like this reflects the greed in my heart and the mastery of sugar and lack of submission to the Lord.

#5. That cinnamon toast crunch cereal looks so yummy. I want some. It can count as part of my supper meal, since I just ate an hour ago (after oreo cheesecake, extra slivers and jelly beans).
The cereal looked (and was) yummy. Unfortuantely I'm still continuing on the dangerous slippery slope. It led to MUCH extra eating. Boundaries are important and prudent in this situation. Once I push my chair away from the dinner table I need to learn to be done. No ifs ands or buts! Eating past that point is greedy (for me at this time) and once again food (usually sugar) is master. It is no longer beneficial for me.

"Everything is permissible for me"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"--but I will not be mastered by anything. 1 Corinthians 6:12

So, in response to this truth journaling and the strong awareness I have that I am allowing sugar to take a high place in my own life, I felt led to take simply one day where I abstained from desserts. I sometimes take a stronger stance and aim to not eat dessert for a week, a month etc... But this time it was just for one day.... And the battles I faced today were really quite unbelievable considering I was only aiming FOR ONE DAY!!!! Obviously I'm needing to take these fleshly thoughts and desires captive and make them obedient to Christ.

First, I was gravitating towards a cappacino/flavored coffee drink... But I knew that was a sugary treat and also knew that I need to avoid caffeine.

Secondly, Jon's birthday cheesecake was beckoning me AGAIN at dinner this evening! I left the table, cleaned up the dishes, sat and talked with Jon for awhile, cracked open the bible and read those verses from 1 Cor. 6:12 and then posted to my accountability group as follows....

------------------

7:00pm
Oh, I don't feel like posting this right now....but this may very well be exactly what I need to do to choose to do the right thing. I had planned to avoid dessert for just one day (that is TODAY!)....and oh how that oreo cheesecake is calling my name. I've been toying with whether or not to eat a piece for the past half hour....and still don't know what I'm going to do. I know that all things are permissible but not all things are beneficial to me. All things are permissible but I should be mastered by nothing but God. I'm really struggling to do what I know in my heart is the right thing... I'll touch base with y'all later and let you know what I end up doing....

Lord, help me make the right choice right now. I am really struggling wtih what my flesh is desiring. Yet I know that you alone satisfy. Nothing else should master me. Nothing else should take the highest place in my heart and life. Help me be obedient and submissive to you in all things, particularily right now as I contemplate this dessert. Help me surrender to your will. Make your will very evident to me, I pray. Amen.

7:15pm
Okay, the tempation has passed! The battle is over! I can't believe it!!! Praise God! I just decided to have some watermelon and closed the book on even considering the cheesecake. Woohoo! Thank you Lord!!!!!!

------------------

All I can say is PRAISE GOD for answered prayer! Praise God for renewing my mind.

I'm not sure what tomorrow holds, but I will keep seeking God.

Truth Journaling ~ Weight Gain

I have been working through "Freedom from Emotional Eating" by Barb Raveling. I have come to realize it is time for me to more frequently apply "truth journaling" as described in this book. I can see the parallels with the Thin Within concept of observation and correction. I think I'm going to try regularily posting some of my own truth journaling.

I'll start with a core situation/belief/emotion that I'm dealing with lately.

Situation:
As you will know, if you've been following my blog, is that I've struggled with gaining some of my weight back (8-10lbs to be specific), after releasing 24lbs.


#1. I'm not very attractive unless I'm in my BMI zone.
I'm always beautiful. The Bible says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) It also says that charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Prov. 31:30) Beauty is from the INSIDE.

#2. I'm never going to be able to make headway and experience lasting victory with regards to weight. Lack of belief that I will actually overcome.
God promised me (November 2007) that He is going to bring this good work that He started to COMPLETION. (Phil 1:6) Trust Him! I need to cling to God's word when I doubt I will actually overcome. The following two scriptures need to be clung to...

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Phil 4:13

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us--whatever we
ask--we know that we have whatever we asked of him." 1 John 5:14-15

#3. I feel defeated.
The One who is in me is greater then the one who is in this world. (1 John 4:4) I am a LEARNER not a FAILURE! Each step back is simply a learning moment. Never consider a single defeat a final defeat (can't remember who that quote is from, but it sticks with me). I can't...but God you can.

#4. I feel humiliated.
Others are experiencing the same things as I am. I don't need to worry about how others view me. Keep my eyes fixed on God. Keep abiding with Him, clinging to Him.

#5. My self esteem feels low.
I really just need to dwell on Zeph. 3:17 as described in my previous post to remember how God views me. To be dwelling on self is a distraction that comes from the devil. My eyes need to be fixed on JESUS! When my value comes from Him, there is no room for these kinds of thoughts. He loves me. And He lives in me! What greater value can I have then to know that God, the GREATEST Treasure, lives in me, and that His power gets to be on display in my life!

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 2 Corinthians 4:7

-----------------

I'm kind of new at this truth journaling, so this may not flow quite as smoothly as it will with time and practice. I can really see the value of doing this on a regular basis.

Okay, that's it for my blog bog today!!!!

He Loves Me

The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

He is with me. He is mighty to save.
What a great reminder! This is a truth worth clinging to!

He delights in me.
This is hard for me to fathom. I'm just like a speck of dust in the grand scheme of things, of all the people that have ever lived and ever will live in the future. Yet God DELIGHTS in me. That makes me think that I make Him smile every now and then:-)

He quiets me with His love.
I picture a great big hug, arms wrapped around a child, somehow soothing all the worries and concerns away. It brings the image forth of a mother gently rocking her baby, softly hushing the cries and complaints, singing a soft lullaby in her baby's ear. And before you know it that child or that baby is smiling happily and contentedly up into mommy's face, resting in her embrace. Is that like God and His love for me?

He rejoices over me with singing.
Wow! This one actually feels almost unbelievable to me. First that He rejoices over me. And secondly that He would sing to/for me. It's going to take awhile for me to soak that truth in! It really is amazing to me that He would love me, sinful as I am, in this way.

My husband has been looking at life and faith through the lens of God's immense love for us a lot more then usual lately. He has really been impacted and inspired by another book by Wayne Jacobsen called "He Loves Me." I'm going to have to dig into that book soon because it seems to be affecting every aspect of my husband's outlook lately.

I often think I have no problem seeing life through this lens. Yet, I've been challenged lately. And I have come to realize I can, in no way, even grasp a fraction of the amount of love God has for me...for each and every person.

Challenge #7 ~ Pay Attention

Time is flying by and this week brings me to another Thin Within key to conscious eating on which to focus. This week's key is:

Pay attention to my food while eating.

During many of your meals you will dine with others. We are enriched both by our interaction with others and by the nourishment and delight provided by the food we eat. We experience maximum satisfaction as we give our full attention to each in turn. How can you apply this key? We suggest that you attempt to establish a rhythm as you eat. Look at your food, take a bite, chew deliberately, and fully experience the flavor. Then set your fork down and focus on your companions, giving them your full attention. Return to focus on your food and continue this back-and-forth process. As you practice this rhythm, you will be able to do this without giving it much thought. Your meals will be more intentional and more enjoyable. TW pg 10

I was just thinking that I often try to do this when I'm in social situations...and somehow don't remember this point when eating regular family dinners. Yet every meal with my family is essentially a "social situation". I think it is time for me to apply this to every meal we share as a family. These are the meals I most often struggle with anyways.

Anyone else have any thoughts, insights, tips in regards to this week's challenge? Anyone else joining me on these weekly challenges? I'd love to hear from you!

WARNING: Blog Bog Ahead

I just thought I'd post a heads up that I'm about to overload my blog with a bunch of separate posts all in one day! :-) LOL Not sure why I'm bogging it down with a SEPARATE post to warn of this, but that's what I'm doing:-)

Counting My Blessings...

Being able to count blessings!

Wow, it's been a long time since I last posted on here! I've been thankful, honest! ;-)

Jon got home safe and sound.

He went away for 10 days chaperoning a group of high school students. They travelled to London, Paris, Florence and Rome. Three days after they returned, that big earthquake hit Italy, shaking things up in Rome. I would have been very worried had he been over there during that time.

I survived the 10 days.

I have to admit the time flew by. There were plenty of struggles during those 10 days, but God is so good and supplied my needs and helped me through the time.

Celebrating my youngest daughter's bday.

She is growing up so amazing! Already turning 7 years old! How time flies!


Fantastic report cards.
I have to say I am very thankful that my kids are managing quite well academically and socially at school. What a blessing! One which I do not take for granted.


Spring has finally sprung!

It's so wonderful to breathe in the fresh air, walk around with just a sweater, hear the birds singing, finally see the snow melted. THIS is what makes winter so worth it! We appreciate each new season ever so much more then we would otherwise!


Hand me downs.

I'm very thankful for all the hand me down clothes I've received for myself and the girls. One friend in particular has handed down tons of stuff to us. What a HUGE blessing...and money saver it is! Also, we have a neighbour who graciously hands her daughter's stuff down to us.

A few days of good health for my youngest.

We've had so many ups and downs with her health lately. She just seems to have a chronic sore tummy. I feel like we're finally getting to the bottom of things and I'm thankful that she is returning to her cheerful happy self with much fewer complaints about her tummy.


Watermelon.

Yes, this was on my list way back last spring...but it's on again for good reason...because it is my very FAVORITE fruit! And I got my first one of the season last week....now I'm already onto watermelon #2! Love, love, love watermelon:-)

Ranch flavored croutons and Kraft Three Cheese ranch salad dressing.

I discovered these yummy additions and now am enjoying salad once again. Yummmmmmy!

I'm on the mend.

After battling a bad case of strep throat, I'm very thankful to be feeling better. It's not fun to be sick.



Soul satisfaction.

What more can I say! God truly satisfies! I'm very thankful that He draws me with cords of lovingkindness and fills me up.

A fantastic bible study group.

We've just had such a great year together so far. I have grown to cherish our times together.

New believers.

Oh, they are like a breath of fresh air, like a drink of cool refreshing water.... I LOVE my times with baby christians, or those who are truly hungering and seeking God. I pray God brings many more into my life.

Are You Amazed?

Challenge #6 ~ Yum!

Okay, this should be a fun one!

Eat and drink the food and beverages my body enjoys.

Relish this as the opportunity to be authentic. With a thankful spirit and no guilt whatsoever, you can eat and enjoy whatever your heart desires and whatever your body calls for. You are free to be real with yourself and with God. You will discover how trustworthy your body is as you melt down to the size God created you to be. "Can't you see that what you eat won't defile you? Food doesn't come in contact with your heart, but only passes through the stomach and then comes out again." (By saying this, he showed that every kind of food is acceptable.) (Mark 7:18-19, NLT)

Too often, we get caught up in thinking we are "good" or "bad" based on what we eat. Food can't cleanse the heart no matter how little fat or how much fiber it contains. Be liberated and rejoice as you rid yourself of such thoughts and other dieting rules. For
the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17).

There are no forbidden foods. If you have food allergies or a medical condition that would require abstinence from certain foods, by all means heed your doctor's recommendations. But aside from that, enjoy God's wonderful provisions. We might, however, be tempted to take this to an extreme to abuse or misuse food. It's important for us to remember that "Everything is permissible for me"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"--but I will not be mastered by anything (1 Corinthians 6:12). When unsure, ask God what your body needs in order to feel and operate its best. You will then know what will be an
appropriate choice. (TW pg 9-10 )

Thin Within also mentions, later in the book, the concept of teasers, pleasers and whole-body pleasers. I think it is beneficial to keep these terms in mind as well. Actually the words "my body enjoys" seems very reflective of aiming for whole-body pleasers. It's not just about what my tastebuds tell me when eating a food. It's also what the rest of my body tells me. Does the food/beverage make me feel sluggish afterwards? Energized? Sick? etc.

Here's a brief recap of pleasers, teasers and whole body pleasers...

Pleasers: you know you will enjoy, you know that this is a food that will hit the spot and bring physical satisfaction, the sort of food for which you would walk a mile, may change from day to day. (TW pg 186)

Teasers: convenient, easy to get to, call out and tempt you, eaten when our flesh machinerery is in high gear, look better than they taste, "stuffer" or "filler," not very satisfying, make us think "more is better," food wasn't on our mind until we heard about it, saw it or smelled it, all-time classic teaser is what's left of your pleaser when you have reached your comfortable 5 and are satsfied! (TW pg 187)

Whole-Body Pleasers: foods that your body calls out for, are enjoyable while you eat them, and they leave you feeling energized afterward. (TW pg 188)

I love this concept that anything is permissible. It certainly makes it easier to "fit" into any lifestyle or setting. Our family easter brunch doesn't need to set me off track because I know that all things are permissible...within the 0-5 boundaries. When going on vacation I can relax into it and fully enjoy the experience (including new foods), aiming to stay within the boundaries of 0-5 once again.

My body is pretty easy to please I must say! Very few things make my body feel yucky, sluggish etc. Coffee/tea is the biggest thing I try to stay away from because the caffeine keeps me up at night. So, for me the biggest thing to watch for is that a pleaser or whole body pleaser does not become my teaser. This happens when I go outside the 0-5 boundaries. Desserts have become teasers in this sense for me far too often lately. This is where "Everything is permissible for me"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"--but I will not be mastered by anything (1 Corinthians 6:12) comes into effect. I am currently assessing how to make sure that desserts don't master me because I know this would not be pleasing to God.

So, this upcoming week, I'm going to aim to eat yummy stuff that makes my body feel good! And more than that I'm going to aim to eat stuff with my allegiance lined with God, not the food. I don't just want my body to feel satisfied with yummy foods....I want my SOUL to be satisfied with yummy food (His word, time in prayer and spent at His feet)!

My SOUL will be satisfied as with the richest of foods. Psalm 63:5

So I choose to fill my mouth, body and soul with yummy stuff this week:-) Wow, as I write this I can't help but think that my boundary lines have fallen in pleasant places! Thanks, Lord!

Boundaries

What boundaries, with regard to eating, do I feel called to? This is the question I've been pondering a bit more over the past couple days.

First and foremost I definitely feel God calling me to eat within hunger and fullness (#0-#5). This just works for me. I feel comfortable with it. It makes sense to me and resonates with me. The signals that God created my body to send me, telling me when I'm hungry and full just seem so logical to me. If I stay within 0-5 at all times, eating for emotional reasons is kept to a minimum. Of course, staying within those boundaries at all times is another matter...

Another boundary that I have felt impressed on me more frequently of late is that I should be sitting at the table to eat. If I stayed within that boundary a lot of the extra nibbling would be eliminated.

I'm still unsure what kinds of boundaries God is calling me to in regards to sugary treats. One that has worked for me in the past has been to save treats for dinner dessert. None during the day. I'm just not sure if I need to take this a step further. I know in my post on April 1st I was talking about eliminating sugary treats for the month (excluding social occasions). But, in all honesty I haven't been sticking to this. I'm going to seek God on this one a bit more. This definitely presents the biggest challenge for me to stay within the 0-5 boundary. I will certainly need to feel God's conviction and empowerment on this one for me to follow through. This one is a TOUGH one for me!

Boundaries are a wonderful and beautiful thing when lovingly set in place. I know that God has given me many boundary lines, to live within His will, and I know that He has set these boundary lines out of love and care for me. I am blown away by the fact that God really and truly loves me and wants to satisfy me more than anything or anyone else! The following verses are very special to me...

I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." Lamentations 3:24

LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. Psalm 16:6

The Lord is my portion. Those are powerful words. Nothing else will satisfy me like God does. Too often I'm like a whiny child, wanting what I want NOW, when what really is most satisfying and healthy in the long run is extended from the hand of a loving parent.

My boundary lines have fallen in pleasant places. I certainly feel this is true in my life. I am thankful that God has allowed me to experience so many pleasures and joys in my life when staying within His boundaries. Yet how often do I turn a blind eye to these boundary lines? I honestly can often feel the switch turning on or off within me, when I want to step outside the boundary lines and do things my own way. ugh. I need to STOP and be transformed by the rewewing of my mind, taking captive every thought and making it obedient to Christ, BEFORE I step outside these boundaries! Why on earth would I want to step into the muck and mire of sin when God has gifted me with such a pleasant place?

And then moving onto this verse...

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:11

In my mind, if I was to envision where I'd like the boundary lines of my life to fall...I can see this vision of fences surrounding His throne. Oh, that is the place to STAY, isn't it!!!! All other things will fall into place when I keep my mind stayed on Him, when I stay in His presence.

On the mend...

Well I have entered the land of the living once again! Whew, I just went through a brutal stretch of sore throat and fever (potentially strep). Anyways I'm on antibiotics and am feeling much improved.

I have felt very off with regards to eating/exercise and also quite unmotivated and "down." I haven't spent much time in the Word this past week. ugh. I can feel the dryness in my soul. I need some quiet time with the Lord. In regards to abstaining from sugary stuff...well that all went out the window (jello, freezies, hard candy lozengers may have soothed my sore throat but didn't help my "treat free" resolve). I'm not sure what I'm doing. I don't even know what I'm doing with the whole scale thing. My husband thinks a little differently then me as he is a daily weigh-er.

Being right around that 160lb mark again and then being out of sync with eating really did a work on me! But, I think I need to come to terms with the fact that my journey will likely never be one where I reach my goal and just STAY there! I think my journey will likely remain one where I have to FIGHT to stay there, to maintain a healthy weight/lifestyle. I think this is something I must come to terms with.

The proud side of me would like to have this wonderful testimony that I have released 24+lbs and it hasn't crept back on because I've been changed/healed/restored. But I have this sneeking suspicion that this may not be the path of my life. I suspect God is going to continue using this particular area of my life to sharpen/transform me and keep me humble....indefinitely! I'm not sure I'll ever be "there" until I reach Heaven when the Lord brings His good work to completion. And I need to be okay with that. And I need to keep fighting the good fight. And I need to find a way to keep pressing on. And even bigger then that I need to learn what God wants me to learn so that I can be used as His instrument with others. My heart's deepest desire is for God to use me for His purposes and His glory!

This journey has been about so much more then just eating cardboard and cabbage (okay, I have never done that!) and exercising like a maniac (which I have never done in my whole life by the way)! It's been about growing more like Jesus, about there being more of Him in my life and less of me, Him increasing and me decreasing. THAT is what has been truly astounding about this whole journey. It's been awesome! Okay, all that being said, I think I gave myself the pep talk I needed! I'm ready to get back on that "wagon"! I'm not giving up. I'm going to draw near to the Lord and rest in His peaceful presence. I'm going to keep my mind stayed on Him. And I'm going to let Him guide me and use me for His purposes.

On a really positive note, I'm totally pumped because I'm starting into a new workbook that I ordered, "Freedom from Emotional Eating" by Barb Raveling. I'll keep you posted as I journey through that book.

Challenge #5 ~ Relax

Eat when my body and mind are RELAXED.

Take a quiet moment to invite the Lord of the wind and waves into your meal. The
one who said, "Peace, be still" is eager for you to enjoy freedom from anxiety at your mealtimes. God wants to free you from worry and to infuse your life with peace. "Do not be anxious for your life, as to what you shall eat, or what you sahll drink....Is not life more than food, and the body more important than clothing?...Seek first His kingdom, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you." (Matthew 6:25, 33, NASB) TW pg9

This can be hard to do when facing the many demands of young kids at mealtimes! Cut up their food into bite size pieces, make sure they are sitting properly, make sure they are eating a variety of foods on their plate (and dealing with the many complaints that often come out of kids' mouths in regards to the food in front of them), oops the milk spilled etc. etc. I remember the earlier years were particularily demanding in this regard! I still struggle with relaxing when my 7 year old complains about her food...which happens on a fairly regular basis. I have had to very consciously tell myself to relax and pray at those meals in particular!

I also get distracted from allowing my body and mind to relax when I am in social situations. It takes real effort to make sure I am "present time eating" and allow myself to actually acknowledge what my body is feeling and what my mind is thinking. I certainly experience more victory when I become more aware of my body and mind as it usually leads me to be more intentional and prayerful.

And lastly, another thing that distracts me from this conscious eating key, is when I'm on the run. It's hard to actually relax the mind and body when needing to eat something quickly! For me one way that I've personally experienced victory in situations like this is eating something small, which doesn't take long to eat. Like a piece of fruit or a yogurt. It doesn't take long to eat these food items so I try to relax enough to enjoy them.

The times that I notice myself most consistently following through with this key is for my breakfast and lunch meals. I usually get to eat them on my own, as the kids are off at school, and I savour these times. They often become times where my heart cries out in prayer to the Lord. I LOVE the way Melanie described our mealtimes as an "Appointment with God." Definitely a worthwhile read!

So, here is a quick recap of the Thin Within keys to conscious eating that I've been zoning in on so far....

#1. Eat at "0"
#2. Stopping at "5" (bumped this key#8 up to #2 for now)
#3. Reduce distractions
#4. Sit!
#5. Relax

Anyone else been giving these a try? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Weigh-In Day

I REALLY don't feel like posting this post....but I know this is part of the journey and I won't shie away from being transparent about it.

So yesterday was weigh-in day. I stepped on the scale after staying away from it since February 20th. Oh how quickly I pulled out the club of condemnation as the scale read I’m up another 3 pounds since I last weighed. That means I’m up 10 pounds since September 2008 – from 149 to 159 pounds. Ugh.

All sorts of thoughts swirled through my head. Of course the big one being that I somehow think I NEED the scale to maintain/lose weight… Another thought that ran through my head was “This 0-5 eating doesn’t work to lose weight!” (which I know flat out is a lie, since it HAS "worked" for me and many others!). I rarely go there with my thoughts, but I have to admit I went there yesterday! Then there were the other familiar thoughts: failure, the past repeating itself, defeat. It feels like the story of my past few years. I’d lose weight. Gain it back plus some. Lose weight. Gain it back plus some. And on it went. I don’t want to continue yo-yoing like this. I feel tired of this battle.

Right now, thinking of myself as 159lbs (keeping in mind that this is on my scale...the doctor's scale would probably add another couple pounds to that #....making me well outside my BMI again *sigh*)... Back on topic, thinking of myself as 159 lbs makes me feel very unattractive and fat. I could actually feel the “blobbiness” descend on me like a cloak, immediately after the weigh in. What on earth is up with that?! Prior to stepping on the scale I felt strong, healthy, slim, empowered. Stepping on the scale and seeing this # is certainly a wake-up call. One I perhaps needed. But at the same time, the thought of living in the shadow of this piece of metal’s “judgement” of me just doesn’t appeal to me any longer.

As I reflect on the past month, I have to admit that I absolutely relished the past 1+ months, living free of the scale. Eating 0-5 seemed to flow fairly naturally every single day, at basically every meal. It was a beautiful thing to experience. I kept careful track of my hunger #’s and food eaten. I can see habits changed. I can see heart changes. One of the most beautiful things about tracking this way was that I would sometimes feel the club of condemnation pulled out for slip-ups…but rarely would I feel “fat” or “ugly” or “unattractive” when exclusively using the 0-5 scale. I simply observed, corrected, and saw each slip up as a potential learning experience to grow further surrendered to the Lord.

One of my first responses was thinking that I needed to step on the scale daily once again. Track it. Mark it down. And in all honesty, stepping on the scale daily has a positive aspect. I have no clue if my weight today was a “blip” in a string of on-track weigh-ins…or was it a true reflection of my past month’s struggle/victory steps? I really have no clue. That bugs me. That is probably one of the only positives for a daily weigh-in. I see the fluctuations and don’t get as “thrown” off when I see a higher # occasionally.

My other response, which I believe is a true conviction from the Lord, is to cut out desserts for the next month. I think this is where the real slip-up has happened in the past couple months. The “love” of sugar has its tentacles gripping my heart. And it is time to be set free from that, no longer mastered by anything but Christ. I have noticed that this is definitely the biggest struggle I have with staying on track 0-5. I think my dessert consumption has resulted in me stretching my hunger #’s. The thought of bypassing the dessert after dinner, when I’m at a clear #5, hardly enters my mind. I’m greedy for that sugar. I’m longing for that treat. It’s what I’ve been waiting for all day long. Honestly, that’s the truth. That is the sin hiding away in the secret place of my heart.

I contemplated what it would look like to cut out desserts for the month in conjunction with stepping on the scale daily… And I have to say this is where I have changed. It was like a light bulb went off in my head…or maybe my heart. I don’t want to step near that piece of metal. I don’t want to feel “righteous” if my weight goes down. I don’t want to feel “fat” when my weight goes up. I just want to go with the flow, walking in step with the Spirit. I want to simply focus on obedience and surrender to the Lord.

So, that is where I’m going to track. I feel the Lord calling me to greater obedience, less focus on the # on the scale, more focus on Him. I know it is going to be tough cutting out desserts for the next month (although I will make exceptions in social situations if it is within 0-5 as I generally don’t struggle with moderation in those situations). I know that it is time to move into a “discernment” phase. I have seen very clearly how much of a stronghold sugar has in my life. And I need the Lord to set me free. I need to be able to see that the LORD is my portion. He satisfies…even more then sugar!

How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! Psalm 119:103

I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread. Job 23:12

God calls me to so much more than simply being consumed with weight and the number on the scale. He wants my heart…ALL OF IT!

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. Mark 12:30

And I want Him to have all of me! I have seen how God has used this weight surrender struggle to draw me into a deep and intimate relationship with Him. I have had an insatiable appetite and hunger and thirst for the Lord and his word the past few months, unlike I've ever experienced before. I praise God for that! I don’t simply want to travel this journey to end up self-controlled and disciplined…I want it to be about so much more than that. I want His glory to spill over and out through me with the fruits of the spirit so evident - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

May my life be a fragrant offering to you, my Lord. Mould me. Use me. Change me. Renew me. Transform me more into your image. May I reflect your glory more and more each and every day, and become pure as gold through these tests. Amen.