Thin Again - ch 5 Questions

Chapter 5
Worth not Shame

Define shame.
"A feeling that we are defective, valueless creatures who do not deserve the good things in life." TA pg 86

Do you experience a sense of shame over any aspect of your personality, appearance, or past? How does this shame affect your sense of self-worth?
Once again I know I will not be approaching this question the same way a person who has gone through many valleys and deep difficult times. I humbly ask that people accept my answers for what they are, simple as they may be. Each person walks a different path in life and experiences challenges in different forms. I find this question a little difficult to answer. “Shame” feels like a strong word in my realm of experience. The above definition reflects fairly difficult experiences, strong feelings and beliefs. However, in answer to this question, I think that at times I feel shame about my outward appearance. I don’t feel very attractive and therefore don’t tend to nurture my outward appearance—my clothing choices, my hairstyle, my fitness level etc. In many ways I feel that is okay though. I feel it is a healthier place to be when focused on others rather then self. The key is for me to find that balance where I show respect to the body God has given me and be other-focused at the same time.

How does this shame fuel your belief cycle and drive your compulsive/addictive behaviors?
The most damaging of my compulsive/addictive behavior is greed for food—wanting the biggest serving of cake/ice cream, wanting to eat all the chips once the bag is opened, wanting to just eat when I’m not hungry etc.

I don’t eat as a “thin person” because I don’t think like a thin person and I don’t believe I’m a thin person. So, for example, this last week when I went out for ice cream with Jon for our anniversary date I tried to think like a “thin person” and order accordingly. I need to change the way I think when approaching food.

On another note, I don’t think of myself as an attractive person so don’t tend to dress as an attractive person etc. It all seems so vain to me though. It’s like when I watch “What not to Wear” show and I feel a mixture of emotion. On one hand I think they are helping the individual embrace who they really are and allow themselves to present that self the best possible way. On the other hand I feel like it is too much focus on self and too much $$ spent and I feel like a judgemental attitude towards others begins to creep in. I’m not sure I’m answering this question the way I should be! Anyways, that’s the best I can come up with right now!

What are the four core beliefs on the shame belief cycle?
Guilt and shame– I am an unworthy, no-good person.
False belief– If anyone really knew me, they wouldn’t love me.
Condemning emotions– I cannot trust others to meet my needs.
Action/addictive behavior – My most important needs are food, sex, drugs, and people who will take care of all my needs.

How does the renewed belief cycle function? What are the five core beliefs included in this cycle?
"The truth provides the basis for a new identity and an authentic sense of security and significance. When we accept this new identity, our core beliefs change, our minds are renewed, our emotions and actions change, and the shame/belief cycle are broken." TA pg92

The renewed belief cycle revolves around: forgiven & cleansed, renewed thinking, renewed emotions, renewed actions.

The five core beliefs are:
1.) I am created in the image and likeness of God and therefore am “very good”. (Gen. 1:26-27, 31)
2.) God, who knows me inside and out, loves me unconditionally just the way I am (Luke 15:11-24)
3.) Jesus never fails me (Matt. 28:20)
4.) The Holy Spirit instructs, teaches and guides me (John 14:26 & 16:13; Rom. 8:26; Gal. 5:22).
5.) My most important needs is a personal and intimate relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ (John 3:16).

Who was the most dominant person (or persons) in your life when you were growing up? What message did you receive from that person about your worth?
The individual who was most dominant in my life in my growing up years gave me an amazing gift—always emphasizing that I’m loved and beautiful. I hope my children will receive the same message. I know this is what has allowed me to have a greater degree of emotional health as a result.

What is psychological guilt?
"Psychological guilt stems from the false belief that we are hopeless and helpless. It results in behavior that further isolates us from the intimacy and love that we all need. We may experience a burden of psychological guilt in our lives resulting from the judgements of others or our failure to behave, think, or look a certain way." TA pg 94

"Preoccupation with self is always a major component of unhealthy guilt and recrimination." TA pg 95

What is objective guilt?
"Objective guilt comes from seeing ourselves as we really are—imperfect and sinful, separated from God… Our capacity to reflect on our own sins and character defects as the present causes of shame allows us to go beyond shame to a sense of true conviction." TA pg 95

"The only true guilt is not to depend on God, and on God alone." TA pg 96

Upon which truth can you establish new beliefs about yourself to replace your shame-fueled beliefs from the past?
Jesus calls us to himself. We are accepted, and in that acceptance comes release from captivity to our shame, humiliation, and false guilt. Jesus does not awaken guilt in order to condemn, but to save, for grace is given to him who humbles himself, and becomes aware of his guilt. TA pg 97


More reflections on this chapter to come....