Counting My Blessings...

God has been an awesome "alarm clock."

I'm thankful that God has been waking me up each and every morning at such a perfect time. Somehow it seems much less tortuous to get up and out of bed when it is the Lord calling me versus the physical alarm clock blasting out that awful beeping sound! I've had some wonderful times with the Lord first thing in the morning, before the family is up, over the past two weeks. I just think it is neat how He keeps on waking me up...and even more amazing, He keeps bringing me JOY to wake up so early!!!! That's a miracle!

Christmas shopping is DONE!
Woohoo! It feels so good to have got that all finished up:-) I knew I wasn't going to even think about it until this week and was getting a little nervous about that! But, praise God, it got done without a hitch! I'm glad I didn't spend time consumed and stressed about this aspect of Christmas.

Great drama performances last weekend.

The kids did awesome. The message pointed straight to Jesus! And we all had a blast! Praise God for that!

The Lord's Table~Day 14, 15, 16, 17

Day 14~Put Off and Put On

I think this lesson went in one ear and out the other after studying it! As I look back over it I can see there is much I need to remember!

Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:21-24

We must put off overeating and put on feasting in God's Word.
TLT workbook pg 45

Here is a list of some of my bad habits with regard to eating that need to be "put off" that came to mind:

• Snacking at the kitchen counter.
• Eating in the evening when not hungry.
• Eating when tired, often after hosting guests for a dinner or an event.

Here are some good habits that I would like to "put on" and begin forming with regard to eating:

• Increase my intake of God's Word and time in prayer.
• Exercise 4-5x each week.
• Plan for trials/challenges.
• Apply conscious eating in present time.

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Day 15~Accountability

Here's a good quote:

A log that rolls off the fire cools down and eventually the fire will go
out unless it is placed back with the other logs. TLT workbook pg49

I consider this blog a form of accountability for me. I also have friends (in person and online) who I discuss these kinds of matters with. My husband is a good support as he is very inclined towards conscious eating. And I also have some naturally thin friends who are a good support and example to me.


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Day 16~Temptation

This was a great lesson. Just a couple days ago I had purposely gone to read the account of Jesus being tempted by Satan. I learned much from the insights of this TLT lesson.

We are most easily tempted during the following times:

1. After a high spiritual experience.
2. At a time of physical weakness.
3. When we are alone.

I can most relate to the the latter two. The two points I will definitely be applying from Jesus`example of dealing with temptation are:

• Say "Get away Satan!"
• And using scripture say "It is written..."

I think this will stick with me!


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Day 17-Brokenness: Key to Victory

The point of this lesson is that God must break us.

"Repentance elsewhere is remorse, which clings to the sin and only dreads the punishment. Let us then seek, under God, to have a hatred of sin caused by a sight of Christ`s love."
Charles Spurgeon (as quoted in TLT pg55)

I think I`ve been experiencing remorse but not true repentance oft times. I know one of the punishments of the sin of gluttony is extra weight on my body. Hence I dread the punishment! But I need to actually instead have a hatred of this sin with my eye on Christ.

Brokenness of heart and soul make way for entrance of God`s Holy Spirit, even as the farmer must first break up the ground before planting the seed that produces life. TLT workbook pg56

This analogy of the breaking up of the ground to plant the seed actually continued to fit with this well-watered garden imagery quite well. I find it interesting how God keeps on speaking to me through that image.

I am praying and pleading and crying out for brokenness and a hatred of the sin of gluttony in my heart. I don`t want simply remorse. I want repentance-true and real and contrite and broken.

Accountability

I said I'd give account for the weekend... So here goes.

It didn't end up being quite as on track as I would have liked...or as the Lord would have liked is more like it! But I'm not beating myself up over it. I'm living and learning.

Thursday ended up being quite an on-track day, PTL!

Friday went smoothly until evening, even with a buffet dinner! Then when I got home I was getting the munchies and grabbed a handful of pretzels. I wanted to go much further then just a handful of pretzels let me tell you! I wanted to dig into chocolates and actually was picturing dipping pretzels into melted chocolate... And then the next image that came to mind and tempted me was a piece of hot toasted homeade bread (which i have on my counter). I knew God was calling me to leave it though and so I went down to the TV, took Vanilla my guinea pig in my lap and petted her for awhile. Made it, praise God.

I'm thankful I made it through the buffet meal victoriously, eating to a comfortable #5. I've decided I need to listen to the one body signal that i've noticed really happens frequently when I'm comfortably full--a nice little burp. I've tried to ignore it and just keep eating many times and know that is the signal that my body has enough and i need to stop *now*! So I'm planning being more vigilant in that regard.

Saturday I started out with good intentions and presented my plea for help before the Lord. I was calling out to Him. I was hungry in the morning... But then wasn't hungry before I headed to the church for play dress rehearsal and performance. So I ate at 11:30 and then the eating just seemed to go downhill from there. In the evening I ate more sugary treats then I should have after I returned from the drama performance.

On the positive note, the drama performance went AWESOME! The content of it went along the lines of a lot of content from Case for Faith and Case for Christ by Lee Strobel. My daughter was the main character, an investigative reporter, who was investigating the mystery of the manger. Her name was "Jane Blonde" playing on the James Bond character. Music would play everytime her name was said. It was a lot of fun and a really powerful script.

Sunday was so-so. I ended up getting a little overdosed on sugary stuff, despite hunger, after lunch when I was making some chocolate dipped pretzels and brownies. Too much chocolate and sugar for me. I decided to skip supper and ended up eating later after the Sunday evening drama performance when I got a little hungry.

Monday has been going well so far, praise God! Seriously! I am just so thankful for a new day and a new start:-) I have been enjoying more veggies and fruits today so far, which feels really good:-)

So, that's the rundown so far. I've gotta run though as I have to get this house back in order. My heart is praising God for helping me through some tempting moments and for constantly being near me. What an awesome God!

The Lord's Table~Day 13

Okay, I'm going to try and make this as quick as possible since I'm really in dire need of a nap already (at 9:30am....it was a very restless night)! But I want to share what God has been doing in my heart in the past day.

Day 13~New Direction

First of all, today's lesson continues on the theme of true repentance and zones in on godly sorrow. Godly sorrow showed itself in the lives of the Corinthians (2 cor. 7:8-13) in earnestness, indignation, fear, longing, zeal and avenging of wrong. Worldly sorrow just brings loss, suffering and death. Godly sorrow brings about repentance.

I loved this verse,

And it will be said: "Build up, build up, prepare the road! Remove the obstacles out of the way of my people." For this is what the high and lofty One says—he who lives forever, whose name is holy: "I live in a high and holy place, but also with him who is contrite and lowly in spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite." Isaiah 57:14-15

God dwells with and revives the lowly in spirit and contrite. Oh how I long to be truly contrite and completely humbled and surrendered and waiting on the Lord to meet all my needs.

Friend, the teaching of both yesterday and today define what true repentance is. It is turning completely away from sin, doing an about face, and then pursuing God with a reckless abandon. And it is also sorrowing over sin to such an extend that the heart begins to hate the sin and turn from it. This is repentance, and if either of these elements are missing the freedom from sin will not be lasting. If one merely feels sorrow over the sin but does not turn from it then he is not free. Or if one merely turns from the sin but does not develop a heart-sorrow over it he is not free either. Both must be present in the life. TLT workbook pg 43

I'm struggling with both these elements of repentance... But I think the root of it is the heart-sorrow is lacking. I believe overeating is a sin. But I'm still struggling with whether eating outside 0-5 on occasion is actually sin... This is probably the root of my problem. I need godly sorrow and repentance in this area. This is what I'm praying for.

I could relate to a quote from course member Nancy:

Saying I am sorry with a mouth full of food just is not repentance. TLT workbook pg44

So I've been praying for true repentance and godly sorrow. I want God to open my eyes to see the yuckiness of sin.

As I was heading out on errands last night a song began playing on the radio and it truly touched my heart and brought me to tears. I realize the song is touching on the sin of marital unfaithfulness in particular, but I really believe it can apply to ANY sin. Here's the video of the song...

"Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns



As I listened to this song and thought about the example I am to my kids, my heart was truly sorrowful. I don't want my kids to have the same baggage I'm carrying. I don't want them to struggle with this sin of gluttony. They watch. They learn. They see the greed quite often I'm sure. And I can see the seed of greed growing in their hearts as well. This saddens me to the point of tears. Just as I feel sorrow at the thought of my kids in bondage to this sin, I am sure God feels all the more sorrowful as He sees me in bondage when He keeps extending His grace and mercy and strength and fulfillment to me.

I realize I'm not just harming myself by sinning and my relationship with God by sinning....but I'm also harming my children. I've realized this before, but it hit me afresh last night. And it was just the reminder I needed. This sin doesn't just pop up overnight. It is a "slow fade."

Just to clarify...

I'm definitely still doing the Lord's Table workbook! My last post may have sounded like I was giving up on it due to the structured eating schedule... I think TLT is an amazing, amazing study that is definitely being used by God in my heart and life right now:-) I'm just finding myself getting in a bit of a "kerfuddle" as I see the perceived "legalism" presented with the eating schedule (which I know is not intended to be legalism but rather intended for readers to practice self discipline, self control and fully surrender eating to the Lord) in comparison to what I'm used to with the 0-5 eating. I simply long to be consistent with 0-5 eating and fill up on the Lord.

Struggling to be Consistent

I've really been struggling with consistent 0-5 eating for the past month or so. I know the downward spiral began around halloween with all the chocolates in the house. And it has continued to be a challenge to manage my sugar cravings with holiday treats and so on.

I think the TLT approach to eating has also contributed to a bit of the yo-yoing I've been doing. I had initially rejected the TLT study due to the extremely structured nature of the eating schedule - liquids, half days, normal days and fast days. When it came to my attention that I could follow 0-5 eating while doing TLT I decided it was worth pursuing. But I have to admit I have yo-yoed here and there, dabbling in the TW eating approach and then the TLT eating approach and then back again etc.

What I really felt convicted of today, as I looked at a shockingly high # on my scale, is to simply focus on consistency in 0-5 eating rather then getting swayed this way and that by the eating schedule of TLT program (which I am CERTAIN has its time and place and helps many people as they seek to surrender eating to the Lord). All I know is the gracious approach that TW endorses following 0-5 eating in surrender to the Lord has completely resonated with me. And I feel that I should primarily be aiming for the TW approach to eating.

So I move forward with this as my aim.

Consistency. No exceptions.

Fill up on God. Get fat on Jesus:-) I want this filling up to occur throughout the entire day, moment by moment, particularily in the midst of temptation.

Eat only when hungry, savouring the food and follow keys to conscious eating. Stop when satisfied.

Simple as that.

I know that I need to keep calling out to God throughout this whole process, looking to Him to satisfy me, the Living Water. If He calls me to fast I need to listen. If He calls me to stop in the middle of a cookie, I need to listen (as Paula wonderfully modelled today!). If I'm tired I need to find something other then a handful of candy to relax and rejuvenate me.

With that being said I think it is time for something that has worked for me in the past few months~another three day challenge for myself. Three days of no exceptions! (That's tough as I enter the weekend!)

So here I go planning for a few "trials" or challenges that will be ahead of me the upcoming three days, for which I will give account afterwards.

Today (Thursday):
I'm already hungry for supper but will wait until supper is ready in an hour. I will ask the Lord to help me discern how to eat a moderate amount. I should probably be going straight to a time of prayer and bible reading right about now!

Friday:
I'm volunteering for a school field trip. I hope to be hungry prior to heading to the school. If I'm not hungry I'll just bring along a granola bar or something quick to eat on the bus or at our destination.

In the evening we are heading to a buffet restaurant with some friends. I will just need to focus on keys to conscious eating, leaning on the Lord throughout. And I will need to avoid eating when I get home, when I'm kicking back my feet and relaxing! I think even holding our guinea pigs in my lap while watching a TV show could help me stay away from food and also satisfy my likely desire to veg a little.

Saturday:
Apart from the usual challenges to follow 0-5, the other hurdle that I may face is simply being hungry in time for the scheduled pizza supper during our drama dress rehearsal. I should be able to manage that, in the Lord's strength of course, if I'm not greedy for food earlier in the day. And then, after our church play performance, I should probably stay away from the refreshments and focus on the purpose of the time, which is to visit and mingle with friends and families. Plus we'll need to get the kids back home and into bed after a long tiring day so we won't stick around long. Next hurdle will likely be the tiredness that I will likely be feeling when I get home late in the evening after about 8 hours with 40 children and performing etc! I know I need to pray about this one in advance as this will be a very long and tiring day.

Sunday:
Usual daily challenges I will face. Just one step at a time with the Lord's help and strength. And once again a late night due to the second christmas drama performance in the evening. So I'll likely be feeling just a little tired out:-)

Well, that's about it for today. I will keep y'all updated:-) I probably won't be blogging too much the next few days due to all the things scheduled the next three days.

The Lord's Table~Day 10, 11, 12

The Lord has certainly been impressing on me a need for a 180 degree turn back to Him, one of TRUE REPENTANCE. I think up until now I have only done a 90 degree turn. I haven't completely turned from the sin of greed and gluttony. I don't yet hate the sin. My prayer is that this turn would be made complete and that God would grant me the gift of repentance.



Day 10~More Living Water

This lesson highlighted that I need to switch water sources. God offers us Living Water, Christ Himself, who springs up and is truly satisfying. Too often I turn to a water source that is like a broken cistern and a dirty yucky sewer water source.

Here are a couple quotes from today's lesson that stood out to me:

Turning to overeating is like trying to get water from a jar with holes in it. TLT workbook pg 32

Course member Pam writes: "I can't just cut back on food but must
actively find my satisfaction in Christ." TLT pg 34

I can see that I have cut back on food but haven't actively found my satisfaction in Christ when the going gets tough! I haven't yet filled up the empty places with Him. I haven't actively looked to Him when I have felt tempted...and therefore have failed time and time again in the midst of temptations.


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Day 11~Turning

Repentance has often been described as doing a 180 degree turn, meaning we turn away from sin and turn to God... True repentance is not only turning from sin, it is turning to God and loving and serving
Him. TLT workbook pg35

Some verses that stuck out...

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. James 4:7-10

Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
Let the wicked forsake his way
and the evil man his thoughts.
Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
Isaiah 55:6-7

With gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of truth. 2 Timothy 2: 25, 26

Based on Isaiah 55 there are lots of ways I can actively find satisfaction in Christ and do that 180 degree turn: I am to seek the Lord, call upon Him, forsake sin and return to God. I do not feel I have forsaken sin. I still have my hand in the cookie jar....literally....okay, maybe the jelly bean container and chocolate tins in our house! I am praying that God would grant me the gift of repentance.


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Day 12~Repentance Brings Refreshment

"Even now," declares the LORD,
"return to me with all your heart,
with fasting and weeping and mourning."
Rend your heart and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity.
Who knows? He may turn and have pity
and leave behind a blessing—
grain offerings and drink offerings
for the LORD your God.
Joel 2:12-14

I desire to have genuine repentance. I want to fast and weep and mourn and have my heart pierced with the sin of my rebellion and greed.

Overeating is when we gratify the cravings of the flesh rather than crucify them. This is sin. However, we are not at all saying that it is
sin to eat when hungry. What we are talking about here, gluttony, is the habit of overeating and indulging our flesh, not the necessary requirement of daily nourishing our bodies when we feel hungry. TLT workbook pg 39

I desire to crucify the cravings of the flesh, rather then having them master me.

I make exceptions for eating all the time. Even yesterday I felt a sense of conviction that God was calling me to loosen the grip of sugar in my life, calling me to fast from it....and I didn't follow through. How sad. This reflects to me that I have not fully turned and forsaken sin and seen the yuckiness of my sin.

God has been hitting me left right and center with this whole repentance and living water teaching as I'm getting it from this week's lessons in TLT along with the Breaking Free studies along with personal conviction and scripture that God brings to mind. Interesting how God works isn't it!

Our insatiable need or craving for too much of anything is symptomatic of unmet needs or what we called "empty places. Salvation does not equal satisfaction. (You can be saved and still be dissatisfied.) Satisfaction comes when every empty place is filled with the fullness of Christ. While salvation comes to us as a gift of God, we find satisfaction in Him as we deliberately surrender all parts of our lives. Breaking Free workbook by Beth Moore pg 168

As I read this I wondered WHAT ARE MY EMPTY PLACES? I don't even know the answer to this. I'm asking God to reveal this to me. Why on earth am I drawn to sugar the way I am? Why do I ever eat past satisfaction? It just doesn't seem to make sense! I just keep going and going even when I hear the Spirit convicting me otherwise.

Here's another great quote from today's Breaking Free lesson...

The fullness of God is not a one-time occurrence like our salvation.
Every day of our lives--to live victoriously--we must learn to pour out our hearts to God, confess sin daily so nothing will hinder Him, acknowledge every hollow place, and invite Him to fill us fully! Then we need to continue to fan the flame of His love by reading Scripture, listening to edifying music, and praying often. Breaking Free workbook by Beth Moore pg 171

Dear Lord, I pray that you would convict me of the seriousness and yuckiness of sin, in particular gluttony. I pray that you would grant me the gift of repentance. I truly don't want anything to hinder You from working in and through me. I pray that you would reveal to me every hollow, empty place in my heart and life. I pray that I would do that 180 degree turn and actually fill up on Living Water. I pray that you would guide me in this journey and may Your Holy spirit transform me each and every day to be more and more like You. In Jesus name, amen.

Counting My Blessings...

My lunch hour supervision job.
I am beginning to enjoy my lunch hour supervision job more and more each day. There are certainly times where I come home with a very heavy heart, but really and truly I can say I am thankful I have this job. Most of the children are a joy to spend time with each day and I pray I can be a blessing in their lives.

I made it through the weekend!
That's definitely a big praise report in itself!

Piano recital went smoothly.
I hosted my christmas piano recital for my twelve piano students. It went quite smoothly for which I'm very thankful. It feels a bit stressful hosting an event for 60+ people. But everything was great. The students did fabulous. I had great interactions with the parents. The snack time went smoothly. Thanks, Lord!

A wonderful extended family.
Yesterday we had a christmas family gathering of all my aunts and uncles and cousins and cousin's kids on my dad's side. There were 60 of us in total. We all had a great time. Jon and I organized karaoke which seemed to be a hit. And we had an international food potluck. I made some mexican food which seemed to go over well. And we just had a great time catching up, laughing, singing, sharing from the heart and praying together. I'm very thankful for the godly heritage I have inherited.

Well-Watered Garden part 2

This garden image is sticking with me! As I meditate on it a bit further I see a few more nuggets of truth that God is impressing on me.

First, the whole "God is my new alarm clock" lesson aligns quite well with the garden imagery. It hit me that the best time to water a garden in the heat of summer is early morning. I thought it was quite neat how God directed my attention to this. He truly is the Master Gardener!!! And He wants to give me a good watering before the heat of the day, before the trials begin to come forth for the day.

Secondly, as I read the story of the woman at the well and Jesus offering her living water (in John 4), it cemented this imagery yet more. My Gardener, Jesus, doesn't provide just any water! He provides LIVING water!

Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life. John 4:13-14

So I continue to seek to have a well-watered garden, with deep roots (in the truth of God's Word) and bountiful fruits (of the Spirit!), watered by my Gardener (Jesus Christ) first thing in the morning as my new Alarm Clock (God) wakes me up to saturate me with Living Water!

The Lord's Table~Day 7, 8, 9

Day 7~Happy Are the Helpless

This lesson has resonated with me a number of times over the weekend because I truly feel quite helpless and starving for Jesus! For quite some time now I have felt very convicted how sinful I am. I have clearly seen the foothold satan has in my life, particularly in regards to eating. I know I am not glorifying God in all that I do.

This lesson was an encouragement to me because it reminded me that God is near me, does not despise me, dwells with me, revives me, esteems me and offers healing...as I humbly approach Him with empty hands.

Emptiness precedes fullness. We cannot receive from God until we have empty hands. He who recornizes he has nothing to offer God will receive everything from God.

A starving heart will give all to have the Bread of Life. It is only the hungry that sense their need of Jesus, not the full. TLT workbook
pg21

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Day 8~The Cross

Overeating is defined as continuing to eat past the point of receving all we need to sustain our lives. TLT pg24

Oooh.... I have gone past the point of satisfying hunger many times based on that definition.

This lesson zones in on how sin separates us from God and how Jesus Christ is the solution to this problem. Jesus died on the cross to pay the price for my sin. Thank you, Jesus.

I appreciated the following words...

The purpose of Jesus' death is two-fold: first, that He might remove my sins from me and second, that He might heal me from going astray and bring me back to God. It is GOD'S work to remove our sins from us, it is GOD'S work to heal us from going astray and it is GOD'S work to cause us to return to the Shepherd and Overseer of our souls. TLT workbook pg25

And then the lesson moves into reflecting on (1) what I used to be, (2) what God has done and (3) what I am now.

(1) I used to be completely undisciplined in my eating. I can remember as a teenager, arriving home after school and digging right into a massive bowl of ice cream. I would sneak food as my cravings would hit. Even within the past couple years I can see myself at the kitchen counter eating cupcake, after cupcake, after cupcake as my cravings seemed insatiable. Sadly, I remember that I VERY rarely experienced true physiological hunger.

(2) God has done a good work in me (and continues!). He has equipped me, strengthened me, convicted me, loved me, shown His mercy and grace to me. He continues to convict me and impresses on me the need for further surrender. As I repented and sought to glorify Him with my eating, turning to His Word for guidance I began to experience hunger regularily throughout each and every day. Thin Within sure helped align my thinking with God's Word, for which I am very thankful. I began to experience real gratitude and appreciation for all the gifts He gives. The tentacle of greed and gluttony began to gradually loosen their grip on my heart. And, all glory be to God, I released over 20 pounds in six months!

(3) Currently I'm still struggling with some roots of greed for food that still remain dug down deep in the soil of my heart. I'm experiencing a level of victory but I see that it is still incomplete. I'm still often serving two master--God and food. So I continue to move forward seeking God in this area of my life.

Probably the most powerful portion of this lesson for me was the following quote...

The reason that we are showing it [overeating] to be a sin is because
we must learn to abhor our sinful eating addictions and habits. We must begin to detest them with all of our being, and to think of them as a sin against our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, in order to truly turn away from them and find victory. TLT workbook pg27

Oh how I long to HATE the sin of overeating and eating outside the boundaries of 0-5! I really and truly want to HATE and DETEST that!!!! I don't want to trivialize this sin or make exceptions left right and center!


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Day 9~Living Water

The story of the woman at the well, from John 4, is the main focus of this lesson. I love this story and the picture it paints. This lady needed water and Jesus was there to offer so much more. He doesn't offer a bandaid. He doesn't offer her just a single cup of water. He digs down deep and heals. He offers a never ending, overflowing WELL of LIVING water!!! That's pretty cool!

I know in the past I was looking for that bandaid and that single cup of water. I was not focussing on God as my source of motivation and strength. I was definitely not drinking of the Living Water.

I want this to change...permanently. I want to drink of the Living Water~Jesus.

More of Him. Less of me. May I decrease and Him increase. Amen.