Thin Again - ch 6 reflections & ques.

(For those who already read this post earlier, I changed it around noon today (saturday)! sorry! I was re-reading and wanted to convey my thoughts a bit more clearly:-) I put a * beside the sections that I changed....)

Chapter 6
Dependence Not Addiction

Here's a brief summary of how addiction is defined in this chapter:
"To give assent… We give ourselves over to relationships, objects, or substances in our attempt to satisfy our desparate need for security, significance, and love... Addiction results from a misplaced human attempt to satisfy our legitimate, God-given need for intimacy... " TA pg 105

The link between addiction and idolatry:
"The objects of our addictions become our false gods. These are what we attend to, where we give our time and energy, instead of love. Addiction, then, displaces and supplants God’s love as the source and object of our deepest true desire. Spiritually, addiction (becomes) a deep-seated form of idolatry." TA 106

This chapter really drove home to me some areas that I need to work on. First of all I had to refresh my memory of what "grave clothes" are defined as and which ones I had pinpointed earlier. Here's what I wrote earlier:
I think grave clothes could refer to anything in my life that prevents me from being spiritually “healthy” and alive, living in right relationship and obedience to Christ…which eventually spills over into other areas of my life (physical, relational, emotional etc.) and prevents me from glorifying God and shining for Him as effectively. In a nutshell the way I would envision ‘grave clothes’ in my life is any area of my life that is not surrendered to Christ.

Identify your grave clothes:
The grave clothes I pinpointed previously were: disordered eating, emotions and poor time management. I still am in agreement with that assessment.

Why you are wearing them? What changes do you expect when they are removed?
*Disordered eating:
In the past, in particular, I have tended to ignore my hunger/fullness. I have tended to gravitate towards what I WANT NOW! I have been mastered by my enjoyment of foods and sweets. I have had little willpower or self-discipline. I have cried out to God for help but have not followed through and grabbed hold of the help He has offered. And I just continued gaining weight. I'd sometimes lose some weight, then yo-yo right back to where I started plus some. I wait expectantly for the day when I am fully surrendered to God with my eating, when the root of greed and gluttony is gone, when I find my truest satisfaction and joy in being obedient and surrendered to God.

Emotions:
I think I wear them to control people (mostly my family). I wear them also to let out what I feel inside. As I become more self-controlled with my emotions I would expect to see better marriage and family relationships. I would expect to find more satisfaction pouring out my needs to God rather then taking it out on the family.

Poor time management:
The computer is the main thing that side-tracks me from using my time wisely. I think it tends to become a bit of a lifeline to the outside world as I don't work outside the home. It is just very accessible. If I found balance in this area I would expect to have a more vibrant relationship with God and people and more orderly house.

Have I DEPENDED on God? Do I actually rely on God for strength?
*One of the most memorable times of depending on God was when my oldest daughter was 3 years old and in ICU battling kawasaki disease, her heart not functioning properly, majorly dehydrated and battling a high fever. I so clearly remember her lifeless body and the fears and anxieties that I was faced with....and also the tremendous source of strength I found in relying on God through this time. I would run to God's word every chance I got and cry out in prayer constantly as I stayed almost round the clock in the ICU ward for that week. It was a time of tremendous growth for me and a great reminder of what truly depending on God is like. (and praise God for her full recovery!)

I have been depending on God for strength and help throughout this whole TW journey. Each day I call out a prayer of surrender and ask for His help and strength. I know He has provided me with all I need to succeed, fully equipping me.

Sadly though, I think I fail in this area all the time. It’s one thing to pray and ask God for help…it’s another thing to actually surrender and ALLOW Him to help me and show me the way out, to direct my paths and FOLLOW Him! It is my desire to grow in this area.

So where do I go from here?
*Eating:
This is finally changing. I am seeing changes within my heart. Praise God! I know I will need to continue to be vigilant and on guard at all times, but I also trust that God will restore me to wholeness as I press on to surrender to Him and depend on Him. I need to continue with conscious 0-5 eating. The changes that are beginning to become really deeply instilled in me are very exciting! I hope and pray this lasts for life!

Emotions:
I need to continue to throw myself on God when I feel strong emotions, ask Him for help to be self-controlled and wait on Him. The more time I spend in His presence the more I will experience victory with this area I believe. I actually don't struggle with this on a daily basis anymore.

I think I tend to struggle with this more when I'm dissatisfied with myself, when I feel like I'm out of control with myself. This is when I begin to just get impatient with anything and everything...and everyone in my family! When I feel that I'm living in surrender to Christ I feel more patient and loving... Aha! Good to pinpoint that! Therefore, I'd say that in general I have experienced progress in this area, praise God! So I think the best way to move forward in this area is to practice His presence more, something God has been laying on my heart lately.

Poor time management:
I definitely have to work on my poor time management. I think my house is showing the effects of my negligence! Also I know I'm missing out on moments with my family. The computer definitely monopolizes my time when improperly managed and balanced. I know that this will change as summer approaches. The ties will be cut as we head off camping and on other travels. I look forward to this change of pace. For now I think a practical step to take would be for me to log my online time (privately that is!). This would help me stay more balanced.

"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." 2 Corinthians 7:10

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28