Thin Within~Day 16

First of all, pertaining to the chapter, I'll recap some of the answers I've previously typed up for the significant times exercise in this chapter (sorry for repeating myself to those who've already read these answers before!)...


Significant Time #1 – Major relocation
Where were you?
Moved back to Canada (parents were missionaries overseas)
Who was with you?
My family
How did you feel?
Lonely, lost, bitter
Was there a shift in your weight as a result of this incident?
Yes. I gained 45lbs from grade 7 (the year I moved) to grade 9.
What decisions did you make as a result of this incident?
Food changes, eating habits changed. I no longer was under the rules of dorm life and had the freedom to snack when I wanted on what I wanted etc.
Did your self-esteem increase or decrease?
Decreased a little, but then that is probably normal in the teen years! But I still had a fairly healthy self-esteem.
How did this incident affect your view of God?
Drew me closer to God.


Significant Time #2 - Marriage
Where were you?
Current city
Who was with you?
Jon, my husband
How did you feel?
Happy, loved, really enjoying being a homemaker, loved experimenting with cooking and baking.
Was there a shift in your weight as a result of this incident?
Yes. I gained 25lbs in the first year of marriage.
What decisions did you make as a result of this incident?
With baking, baking, baking came lots of eating!!! I no longer had ANY rules to live by as I could buy/eat whenever/whatever I wanted. I also was eating in sync with my husband's BIG appetite! I could easily eat as much as him, unfortunately.
Did your self-esteem increase or decrease?
Neither.
How did this incident affect your view of God?
Didn’t affect.


Significant Time #3 – Pregnancy #2
Where were you?
Here in our current home.
Who was with you?
family
How did you feel?
A bit out of control with eating, uncomfortable, had morning sickness, loved being able to eat, eat, eat for two!
Was there a shift in your weight as a result of this incident?
Yes. I gained nearly 50lbs in my second pregnancy and not only was left with a stubborn extra 10lbs postpartum, but also began to struggle with yet more weight gain in the years that followed.
What decisions did you make as a result of this incident?
I felt like the pregnancy was licence to eat as much as I wanted. Morning sickness also made me always question whether I was hungry. My greed for food came back full force.
Did your self-esteem increase or decrease?
Neither.
How did this incident affect your view of God?
Didn’t affect.


The following quote was in today's chapter... I really needed to read this today.

As we have seen in previous days, no failure, mistake, or sin is beyond God's ability to redeem. It is in this place that you can see just how much you need Him and just how capable He is to meet all your needs. TW pg164

That being said, I have to confess that yesterday I *DID NOT* follow God's leading of being surrendered and obedient to the boundaries He had convicted me to errect. I gave my day to the Lord and started out walking in surrender and was well aware that Satan would be out to destroy and steal, that he would be the "thief." I knew he would be prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. I knew all this and yet was not self-controlled and alert. I did not resist the devil.

My eating went smoothly up until after dinner. I had a moderate amount of sweets while our friends were at our place. But then after they left I was craving some relaxing time with some sweets (and popcorn) in hand. And that is when things got completely out of control as I binged on candy bars. I find it really hard to use the word *binge*....but that is truly what it was.

As I step back and observe (and certainly confess to the Lord) I can see that the slippery slope started when I took those extra treats after our friends left. Once again it is one of my usual triggers--I usually want to sit back, relax and enjoy some sweets after all the work of hosting company. I've pinpointed this before. I need to pre-plan for these "trials," and watch and pray, looking for the Lord's provisions rather then giving into my flesh machinery.

So, I move forward. I look to the Lord to pick me up out of the slimy pit...

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. Psalm 40:2

Here's my eating log for today:

0-4 at 1:15pm (hungry at 12noon)
0-5 at 5:30pm (hungry 3:00pm but waited until I got to my parent's place for dinner)