TW Workbook #2 - week 2 review

The most significant thing God taught me this week:
My body is not my own. It's amazing for me to contemplate that the Holy Spirit actually sets up residence within me. Oh how I need to allow Him, the Ruler of the universe, to be Ruler and King in my own life, to honor Him, to seek Him, to be WILLING to surrender, to not harden myself with the sin of gluttony, to allow His kingdom come His will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.

At least one change that has occurred in my life since last week at this time:
I am beginning to become more aware once again of #5 (satisfaction) approaching.

The most significant thing that God helped me to observe this week that I will focus on correcting next week:

* Seek Him MORE.

* And begin to APPLY honoring Him with my body on a practical level. The things that I felt God speaking to me in this regard are:
1.) Allow my body to be a living sacrifice in total surrender to Him - give Him ALL OF ME.
2.) Serve Him by serving others. My body can be used by Him - my feet to carry me to places He wants me to go, my lips to encourage and bless others, my hands to care for others, my arms to hug, my ears to listen...etc.
3.) Put good stuff in my body - fruits & veggies, less sugar
4.) Eat only what my body needs.
5.) Move my body so I can stay healthy and strong and serve others.
God created my body and life with a purpose in mind. I need to keep this perspective.

Here is something I felt was a challenge and encouragement to me that was posted here on the TW forum:

1) to speak a heartfelt prayer before we eat (more than just a blessing) inviting Jesus to join us for the meal while being mindful that Jesus is our unseen guest at the meal. If Jesus were really there...eating with us in the flesh, He wouldn't be gorging Himself with food...He's be looking at us, smiling, and focusing on us. We are going to try and do the same...focusing on Him, while sharing a meal together.

2) By putting the fork down in between bites, it's as if we are pausing for conversation with Him...thanking Him for His provision of the food and focusing more on Him than on the food. In the course of the meal, we are asking Him to reveal His plans and purposes for us. We're listening to what He has to say...as we share this meal together.

This is what we're hoping for...to be obedient to whatever He has to say
to us!

What I have learned about the character of God as sovereign and good, and how I have come to know and be drawn closer to Him:
I am struck again and again by how He truly is ABOVE ALL....Ruler, King, All-knowing, All-powerful. And on top of all that He is GOOD. He is gracious and kind. And I desire to praise Him name and bring glory to Him in every way possible.

My prayer requests:
#1. To not overindulge this week as I head up a homemade chocolate making night at church. Lot of temptations will be lying around.
#2. To be surrendered at all times, to have an undivided heart, to walk in His truth. LOOK, ASK, WALK.

My praise and thanksgiving thoughts:
God is good. I am so thankful for His graciousness, His kindness and mercy. And I am thankful for His purposes. I'm also so thankful for His promise to bring His good work to completion in me one day. That is such an encouragement to me. I cling to Him. I press on.

TW Workbook #1 - week 1 review

This week's readings have been like water to my soul. It's been so refreshing and has given me fresh glimpses of God's heart. God has spoken to me many times over the past week. I thought I'd share my thoughts from "Review of the Week" here. I think this may be a good way to reflect on what I have learned.

The most significant things God taught me this week:

#1. He will build again.

"I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel." Jeremiah 31:4

I felt God's words to Israel being spoken to my soul. Though I am broken and have slipped and slid into the muck and mire of greed and given my heart's affections to something other than the Lord...He woos me back and promises to continue the good work He started and will build me up again.

#2. God loves me and pursues me. He is the initiator of love.

"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.....We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:8-10, 19

#3. God knows me yet loves me.

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord." Psalm 139:1-4

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners he died for us." Romans 5:8

God knows me. I mean REALLY knows me. He knows everything about me, the good stuff and the bad. He even knows the sins I will commit in the future. Yet He loves me. This has touched me deeply. It was a WOW moment to let this settle into my heart. My perfectionism sometimes pushes me to feel I must perform to be acceptable. Yet this is not the case. He first loved us...and that was (is) when we're stuck in the muck and mire of sin.

#4. He wants me to experience the abundant life, life to the full. His riches are available to me, as a child of His kingdom.

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10
"..the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory." Colossians 1:27

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive in Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up in Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:4-9

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

#5. Look, Ask, Walk.

"Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls." Jeremiah 6:16

#6. Seek God - call, come, pray. And God promises He will listen and we will find Him.

"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity." Jeremiah 29:12-13

These verses reminded me of the following illustration:

God created us for intimacy with Him. Because of sin, each of us has broken the fellowship that God longs to have with us. His complete holiness and our unholiness naturally repel each other. I often describe the kinetics of this relationship like two magnets. What happens when you have two magnets and you bring them together, north pole to north pole? They repel each other. It is just the natural way of things. You can force them very close together, but you can't keep them that way because they naturally repel each other. But what happens if one of the magnets turns around? What happens when you bring the two magnets together, north pole to south pole? The very same principle of magnetism that made them repel each other before, now makes them attract. They come together with an upstoppable force. It is just the natural way of things. ("Secrets Jesus Shared" workbook by Jennifer Kennedy Dean pg 134)

Isn't that beautiful? I have been chewing on this illustration for the past week or so. I feel challenged to turn to Him and live being loved.

My experience in waiting for and finding hunger this first week of TW:
For the most part I've experienced victory in waiting for #0 this week.

The most significant thing that God helped me to observe this week that I will focus on correcting next week.
Look. Ask. Walk. (Jeremiah 6:16) Apply this truth in moments of temptation.
This upcoming week I also feel challenged on a practical level to reduce the size of my dishes, which in turn should reduce portion sizes, which ultimately I hope helps me discover satisfaction (#5) with less food. I also don't want to be mastered by food and therefore don't want to rush to the food the second my body feels hunger pangs, but rather to seek God in those moments and be asking for Him to guide me and give me self-control as I fuel my body. I feel challenged to respect this body that He has gifted me with and stop at #5.

What I have learned about the character of God as love and jealous, and how I have come to know and be drawn closer to him:
He pursues me. He wants the best for me. He has a plan and purpose for me. He longs for me to tap into the abundant life that He makes available to me~Christ in me! He is saddened and jealous when my affections lie elsewhere, when my heart is divided.

My prayer requests:

To experience peace. To fall into a rhythm again. But most of all to carve out constant time with the Lord and to have an undivided heart.

My praise and thanksgiving thoughts:
He knows yet loves! Wow! That is worth praise! And He indwells and offers me the abundant life. Thank you, Lord.

A new promise

How strange this "thin within" journey has been!

Long and winding, perserverance and endurance is essential. This is not for the faint of heart, not a quick solution, not a quick fix. This journey, in drawing nearer to God, aligning my heart with His, seeking to surrender my whole body to His will, is a life long journey.

Sometimes it has been smooth sailing. Was I relying on self-effort alone in those times I have to wonder? As I set up so many goals for myself and formed plans for myself...I am left to ponder if I was trying to do it on my own much of the time. Yet success on a level was tasted. I lost 24 lbs, after years of being unable to make headway. I drew very near to God and experienced relationship with Him on a daily basis in the most intimate and special way ever in my lifetime.

Yet sometimes this journey has been bumpy beyond imagination, sliding down mucky slopes, falling into deep ravines where hope seems far away... I swing from one side of the pendulum to the other, completely giving up and no longer even trying. It just feels too hard. It feels too exhausting. It feels too restrictive. It feels too impossible. The pull of my fleshly desires is magnetic.

And the weight crept back on slowly but surely. And my heart feels like there is a wall between God and I. I feel like I am so near, but so far. I feel like my heart's affections are just not set on HIM. Certainly not on Him alone. My heart is divided I guess. Oh Lord, give me an undivided heart I pray.

I thought "The Lord's Table" study would help me get back on track. But I began to feel like a club of condemnation was constantly hitting me over the head and finally decided to set it aside. I could feel myself becoming legalistic and controlling. The first time I worked through the material I did not feel this way. I embraced the teaching and followed 0-5 eating as my eating schedule and grew spiritually by leaps and bounds. But this time round it just felt different. I don't know how to explain it except that it felt forced.

I decided to order the TW workbook #1 after this realization hit me. It arrived in the mail last night and I already started gobbling it up:-) I had read the TW book format so many times it had become too familiar to really take root in my heart again. I needed a fresh look at the TW (and most importantly biblical) teachings that have resonated with me so many times over the past two years. I am NOT disappointed! Wow, I am hit anew with so many things. I think I'll try blogging my journey through the workbook...if I have time...which seems to be more scarce this year!

Here is the new promise that God spoke to my heart last night, which I am going to cling to...

"I will build you again and you will be rebuilt." Jeremiah 31:4

I'm so excited! I'm going to be REBUILT! Woohoo!

"Forget the former thing; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing!" Isaiah 43:18

Don't dwell on my past mistakes or even on my past successes. God is going to do a new thing and build me anew. That is so amazing. I'm encouraged. I feel hope welling up again. God continues doing His good work in me and WILL bring it to completion, as He promised me two years ago. I just have to cling to Him and hang on for the ride!

Undivided Heart

Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an UNDIVIDED heart, that I may fear your name. Psalm 86:11

I will give them an UNDIVIDED heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Ezekial 11:19

May the words of my mouth and the MEDITATION OF MY HEART be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14

My heart's prayer.

Uh-oh...spoke too soon!

Here I was feeling so good about how I was able to eat chocolate in moderation this week...and then...the door opened a crack and...

WHAM!

I fell flat on my face!

I went out for a meeting after supper...and came back home tired and saw some chocolates on the counter. (My daughter was laxing at her "job"! LOL) First of all, down the hatch went half a cookie (which was also on the counter) - just to "taste-test" of course. And then that opened the door further for those chocolates on the counter. Down the hatch went three more chocolates, for a total of six today. Looks like it will certainly be a miracle if I can stick to FIVE on halloween!

I still feel like digging into something or other tonight. Craving something - sweet or salty.

But I look to the Lord for strength and I will...

STOP!

For His power is made perfect in weakness.

Anyone have a verse that speaks of aligning our hearts with God's? I'm on a search. Because that has been my heart's cry and prayer lately. Some common ones are:

"...the LORD has sought out a man after his own heart..." 1 Samuel 13:14

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." Matthew 22:37

I'm still on the look-out for that verse which becomes my prayer day and night...to align my heart with His.

In the meantime, oh Lord, help me up, keep me from falling...your Word becomes my prayer...

I trust and believe that You are able to keep me from falling and to present me before Your glorious presence without fault and with great joy - to the only God my Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through jesus Christ my Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen. (personalized version of Jude 24-25)

It's working!

So far, this plan to have my daughter hide the chocolates, is working great! She just takes our "order" at dinnertime of which chocolates we request and then she delivers them to us:-) My usual "moderate" portion is three chocolates. And it works. I actually cut back last night and ate only ONE mini chocolate bar....and was satisfied, even with that minimal amount! Amazing! What a difference it makes for me when I know the chocolates are tucked away for another time.

My goal, which for me will be quite a challenge on such a candy-laden day, is to only eat FIVE mini chocolate bars/candies on halloween itself! Now, this will be a miracle if I can do this! I'll keep you posted!

Hide the Candy...please!

I asked my 10 year old daughter to hide the mini chocolates from me tonight! We all were having quite a good chuckle out of that. She thought it was great fun! :-) Sometimes Jon hides them...but tonight I thought I'd give her the job...

My kids both know that I struggle with overeating on sweets...as do they to a degree. I hope it doesn't affect my children negatively, to see me struggling with these food issues... I just hope and pray they see that I am aiming to glorify God and surrender my body to Him.

So, in the meantime, we all took a moderate portion of sweets for dessert tonight...3 mini chocolate bars each...and then they got tucked out of sight, who knows where in my daughter's room somewhere!

I find it quite funny how much I trust my daughter... Some parents would NOT be able to trust their kids with a box of like 100 chocolates in their room! But I know my daughter is going to take this job very seriously! :-)

Temptation Zones

#1. LATE NIGHT POPCORN MUNCHIES
Popcorn munchies on weekends after the kids are in bed...a treat I always seem to gravitate towards. I usually cave in IMMEDIATELY to the craving. I don't even try to fight it. I get sucked into a TV show/movie and tune out the voice of the Holy Spirit.

In the future I can prepare for victory, aware that I'm going to fight this temptation by...

• SAVING my appetite for this popcorn treat (eating within 0-5)

or

• BATTLING this craving by first going to the bedroom and reading God's word/praying and then GETTING MY HANDS BUSY! Grab some laundry and fold it, work on a craft, write out some kind of organization list or do some music planning while watching the show, pull out some cards to write encouragement notes to friends, write a letter to a friend/family member from far away while watching the show.

#2. SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR...more more more....
Another time of temptation is the continued lust for more sugar. My body just doesn't want to stop. In the past I sometimes try to replace the urge with another substitute food...but in the end it becomes a long string of eating mess ups, which usually ends up still eating the food that was on my "no, no" list...and in the end overeating far too much. Sometimes I just go straight to binging on the sweets I'm craving.

In the future I can carve out a reasonable amount of dessert as a boundary line and stick to my guns with it - ex. 2 cookies, 1 cup ice cream, 1 piece cake etc. MODERATION! And if my craving continues, STOP and PRAY and FEAST on God's word. I can go to the bedroom and journal, pray, read, listen to a sermon on file etc.

#3. FOOD PLEASE PICK-ME-UP....I'm tired!
One more situation I struggle with is eating when I'm tired as a pick-me-up. I'm VERY vulnerable. I MUST realize that food does NOT give me the energy I'm seeking. It simply soothes my taste-buds and feels good temporarily.

Instead I must find a way to be truly revitalized. Lie down, close my eyes, pray, listen to music, relax, listen to a sermon...

REMEMBER:
No food will satisfy my heart nor fill the emptiness in my soul. That is what Jesus Christ is for. He is "real meat" and the "bread of life" and I am to feed on Him. (TLT pg 7)

Some verses that have been an encouragement to me the past day or so and which I have tucked away in memory now and want to continue chewing on and feasting on...

"Your words were found and I ate them, and Your words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart; for I have been called by Your name, O LORD God of hosts." Jeremiah 15:16

"I have not departed from the command of His lips; I have treasured the words of His mouth more than my necessary food." Job 23:12

God's Glory

I haven't made much use of my blog in quite some time. And, in all honesty, I'm not sure I am going to have the time to keep posting on a regular basis. But, this morning, I felt God beginning to tie a whole bunch of loose ends together for me.

I've really been struggling with surrendering my body to the Lord, particularly with regards to eating/exercise. My weight has climbed. I didn't step on the scale today so I don't know what the exact # is. But I do know I'm in the 160's.

On a positive note, I'm persevering, not stressing about what a # on a scale says, generally eating 0-5 (within hunger/satisfaction) for most eating ocassions and making myself accountable each and every day to some closer friends online.

On the flip side.... I've felt my heart captured by greed, particularily when it comes to sugary stuff. I rarely tackle battles, even when I know what the right thing to do is, even when I know what "truth" is. My heart just doesn't want to do the right thing enough, I guess. My relationship with God has been somewhat dry the past couple months, since we returned from Mexico. I am longing for that hunger/thirst for God that I experienced last year, when God was my alarm clock and I was hungry to dig into His word, into time of communion with Him, into memorizing His word. Oh how I long for that!

Yesterday was a completely greedy eating kind of day. I ate and ate sugar sugar sugar, the very thing I'd felt compelled to abstain from for a time. I ate outside of 0-5 for most of the day. And I felt sickened by how far I have strayed from God's will.

This morning I woke up with the resolve to actually follow "The Lord's Table" program. I think I may actually use the eating schedule this time, only as a way to discipline my heart to seek God first and foremost. Last time I worked through TLT I simply used TW 0-5 as my eating plan. But I think I may need a little bit of a "wake up" call right now. I need to seek God more than food is what it comes down to. That being said, I dug into day 1 of TLT and what was printed in those pages reflected much of what God has been speaking to me lately.

As I have been studying week 2 of "Secrets Jesus Shared" I felt God continually impressing on me the importance of my FOCUS to be on Him, not letting things (like TV/computer, busyness etc.) distract me from pursuing Him. As I dug back into re-memorizing some verses the one that had become my prayer just this past week was,

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who EARNESTLY SEEK HIM." Hebrews 11:6 (emphasis mine)

At our small group meeting on Friday night, God spoke to my heart once again as the main point we zoned in on was the importance of PURSUING GOD.

And that brings me to today, as I studied TLT I read the following verses and began chewing on these words...

"but whenever a person turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:16-18

"God, after He spoke long ago to the fathers in the prophets in many portions and in many ways, in these last days has spoken to us in His Son, whom He appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the world. And He is the radiance of His glory and the exact represenation fo His nature, and upholds all things by the word of his power. When He had made purification of sings, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, having become as much better than the angels, as He has inherited a more excellent name than they." Hebrews 1:1-4

As I went for a walk this morning I was struck by the fact that I've been approaching this eating surrender issue wrongly. Though I've been aiming to take thoughts captive and replace with truth - a right and noble endeavor - I've missed the most important point of all... IT'S ALL ABOUT THE HEART. I can't just snap my fingers and say, "Christina, time to replace that lie with truth." Though of course that is a good aim. Even praying a prayer in a certain way, going through systematic motions to "magically" say the right words isn't really the right way, though once again it is good to aim to pray about this issue.

Each of those things God had impressed on me in the "Secrets Jesus Shared" study, in my memorization of God's word and in small group began to come together today. I realized that it is not about following a system, a set of steps, putting on and off...though each and every one of these have a place and a time.

It's about GAZING at, SITTING in, ABSORBING the truth of His Glory, Jesus Himself the "radiance of His Glory."

Just being WITH God, in His presence, experiencing and seeing His glory, my HEART will begin to change and be transformed. And from a heart change comes a will change. And each of these other steps flows naturally as the Holy Spirit transforms - putting off the old self, putting on the new self, taking thoughts captive, my mind being renewed with God's truth, prayer of repentance etc.

It's time to stop going through the motions and trying to be the change agent...and instead just STOP and SIT at His feet and draw near to the Lord and let HIM, in His glory, change and transform me.

I feel hope welling up inside me once again.

Wildly and Extravagantly Generous

The title of this post has been resonating with me ever since I came across those words in the "Secrets Jesus Shared" study a couple days ago. Reflecting on Matthew 6:19-34, Jennifer Kennedy Dean writes,

"...those who are in the kingdom can be generous to those around them because God will take care of all their needs. Kingdom-focused living frees you from anxiety about temporal things so you can express the kingdom into the circumstances of earth.... Having no fear of lack, you can let go of material possessions and be wildly and exravagantly generous." Secrets Jesus Shared by Jennifer Kennedy Dean pg 65

I had a job plop into my lap very unexpectedly two weeks ago. I was at the school (where I work as a lunch monitor and my kids attend). And the principal approached me and offered me a job working with the kindergarten and grade 1 students two days a week. I was in such shock and was absolutely ecstatic! What a privilege and honor and compliment it was. Granted the job pays just a little more than minimum wage, but it is a less stressful job than the lunch job and it is also a way to get my foot in the door for other jobs of this kind in the school division.

I feel that God GAVE me this job. What a blessing!

One of my first thoughts was, "Now we have some extra money to give away!" Seriously, that was my initial thought. And then before you knew it, the wheels starting turning in my head and my husband's and we began to "spend" that extra at least in our heads....

Here's a video shown last Sunday at church.



And here is a link that was in the headline news today: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8306556.stm

Just a few days prior I had been reading an article in Christianity Today magazine featuring Francis Chan. Here is another article, though not the exact one that I read.... http://www.christianitytoday.com/tc/peopleoffaith/profiles/francischanscrazlyove.html In the original article I read that he actually gives away 90% of his income!

Striking. Disturbing. Moving. Shocking. Isn't it?

I feel moved to action.

Going a step further with this "wildly and extravagantly generous" approach that Jesus was recommending in Matthew 6:19-34, I realize that there are so many ways we can display this kind of generousity - not just monetary. My time is expendable and valuable...perhaps more than my money. And I am left wondering HOW God wants me to generous. Does He want me to be stretched with the three jobs I'm working right now, leaving me with little time to visit the Pakistani muslim families I mentioned in my previous post? Does He want me to earn some extra $$'s so we have even more to give financially to those in need? Or does He want me to quit one of my jobs (the lunch job is the one I feel most drawn to cut) so that I can spend my time visiting those in need?

Needless to say, it's a tough decision to ponder. Whatever the case, my heart is chewing on Jesus' words and I'm in prayer on this.

I want to be wildly and extravagantly generous with my life. I want to spend my life on what matters in the light of eternity.

Father, please be a light to my path and a lamp to my feet. I am Yours. Use me.

$1

photo by merlinprincesse
A couple months back I was floored that God had once again introduced me to another Pakistani family, on a short little visit to a local convenience store down the road from my house. Seeing the dark skinned couple behind the counter, the lady wearing a full hijab (head covering), I felt the urge to ask where they were from....and received the reply, "Pakistan." I was astounded and moved to tears as I realized that once again God was placing these beautiful people into my life, having prepared me for this season of life with ten years of my childhood spent in Pakistan.

This past year I have been developping a beautiful and sweet friendship with a Pakistani lady just a block from my house, who I had also met out of the blue. And now, I could see that once again God was moving and was directing as I met this couple at the convenience store. It moves me deeply as I feel a kinship with Pakistan. In my heart, Pakistan is my second home.

To give some perspective, our area of the city is majority white skinned folks. We do not have much representation of other ethnicities in our area. To have met two separate families this past year, both from Pakistan, is quite shocking for me!

I didn't have the foresight to ask for a phone # that day...and it has been heavy on my heart ever since.

I often go for a brisk walk after dropping the kids off at school and inevitably my route is taking me past this very convenience store time and again. And inevitably I feel this tugging at my heart to go inside and ask for that phone number. But inevitably I shrink back in fear, full of excuses.

Today, I once again felt that tug...the Holy Spirit's nudge, "Christina, go ahead and walk into that convenience store and ask for that phone number."

"But, Lord," I fumbled and stumbled, "I'll look foolish. What if they are not even at the store today...what will I do then?"

"Go, Christina."

"Okay, here's the deal. If...and I mean only *IF*....I have some coins in my jacket pocket, I'll go inside, I promise Lord." I doubt I have ANY money in my pockets so this seems a safe way out.

I start to rummage through my pockets as I pass the store. And sure enough, according to God's plan, I find a $1 coin that God has orchestrated to be in my pocket at that very moment.

"But, but, but....okay, Lord, I'll go in." *sigh*

I enter the store, and wander aimlessly around the store towards the coffee section and see that coffee costs $1.50. Then I turn around and just decide to jump right in and to the point and skip the coffee.

"I was wondering if I could get T's phone number," I ask the dark skinned man behind the counter. I stumble around with my words and explain how I had met T and his wife previously and how I had grown up in Pakistan and would like to meet T's wife.

"He's my brother. My wife and I live with T and his wife," is the reply that greets my ears.

Whew! God, are you telling me that I am now possibly meeting TWO families all in one shot?! Wow!

After we exchanged phone numbers, A says, "Please go and have a coffee. Don't worry about paying." I actually don't even much like coffee and stumble around with my words once again, basically saying "Thanks, but no thanks." I thank him, tucking the piece of paper with the phone numbers in my pocket, wave goodbye and start my walk home, my heart singing.

My heart is soaring with praise and excitement. And I sense that God is at work in a unique and special way, with a plan that may very well have been ordained for my life since the beginning of time.

I feel myself growing up. I feel myself being prepared for something big and momentous in the spiritual realm.

Thank you Lord for that $1. Prepare me for your work. I am Yours.

Life=Risk

If You Feel Like Giving Up...

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." James 1:2-5

Counting My Blessings...

I decided to get rid of my "I am thankful..." counting my blessings blog and just merge it here with this regular blog. This will give me a bit more stuff to post about here:-) Plus there is no need for a separate blog when I can label all my "counting my blessings" posts. I put a link to all those posts in the left hand column under "Highlights."

This fall I truly want to practice gratitude on a daily basis. I have felt challenged to make this part of the very fabric of my life, of my attitude, of my heart. This summer I noticed how easily negativity and fear and anxiety could creep into my heart. I found it shocking how little I trusted God. I always thought I did trust Him...but this summer I realized I have not been trusting Him and have been focusing on seeing life through a human lens (make that a worry wart human lens!).

Anyways, that being said, I want to have an attitude of constant prayer, supplication and thanksgiving, all simultaneously happening at once!

So, today, things that I am thankful for....

Good health once again.

I am very thankful for this, just having recovered from a cold. Feels good to be on the mend.

Wonderful family.

We had a nice reunion with my parents and brother and his family a couple days after we returned from Mexico. It was nice to be together again.

My eldest daughter celebrated her 10th birthday.

Time is flying! A whole decade has passed! That's crazy! She is growing up so beautifully. I am thankful for her.

A great guinea pig movie:-)

Okay, we're partial to guinea pigs given they are our pets. They are making a comeback! Woohoo! Just kidding. We went to the movie for my daughter's bday treat...and it was a lot of fun watching the 3D movie.

Church family.

We have a wonderful church family. I'm thankful for the many friends, make that brothers and sisters, we have at our church. It's good to be back.

Accountability Tool

It's time to press the re-start button once again! So I started another accountability blog, separate from this blog, since it will contain more of the nitty gritty "mundane" details and ramblings of each and every thing I eat:-) I am hoping this public form of accountability will once again be the motivation I need to be consistent once again. I know it was a helpful tool at the beginning of my TW journey.

So, without more ado, here is my first post that is already posted on my new blog, Fresh Start....

---------------------

It's time to jump in all the way! I'm going to aim to be brutally honest from here on in... I have to admit I am filled with a lot of trepidation, but I know that I need to dive in. And I also know my tendency to hide and slip and slide generally decreases when I am serious about being transparent and an open book.

This is only one small part of my life...yet I long to experience the transforming touch of Jesus in this area. More and more I am seeing my similarities to the prodigal son, doing things my own way, gluttonous and really just ruining my own life when I follow my own flesh desires and turn away from Father.

But I know that Papa has His arms open wide. Actually He runs to me. He wants me to stay with Him. He wants me to enjoy all the blessings and provisions that He can offer. Because He loves me.

So I run to Him. I don't want to hide. I don't want to run away. I want to stay right here in Papa's presence, eating at His table, and enjoying all the best that He desires for me.

Will it be easy? I know this is going to be tough because my gluttonous lazy fleshly desires are in overdrive right now!!! But I'm pressing the restart button and starting afresh, in Papa's loving embrace.

---------------------

To check out my new accountability blog, click here.

Home again!

I'm officially home! Woohoo! Feels great! I got the suitcases unpacked and most of the laundry is pretty much done going through the washer and dryer. I'm very thankful for God's many provisions over the past month. I learned a lot about myself and my relationship with my family and more importantly with God. One thing I definitely am feeling called to further examine and bring before the Lord for renewal is my predisposition to worry and not trust the Lord. It really and truly comes down to a trust issue. It scares me how I can see it rubbing off on the kids. They get anxious about things so easily as well. I'm glad that God brought it to my attention though.

So we headed off in a huge storm on our drive to Minneapolis back a month ago...probably the worst storm we've ever driven through which prompted A LOT of prayer and choosing to trust God. And then today, on our way back home, we once again drove through a huge storm cell about an hour from home! Go figure! Actually a tornado watch was in effect (unknown to us) which didn't take an expert to figure out as we eyed the clouds. So, once again, we prayed our way through that storm cell. Those two storms have got to be the worst ones we've ever driven through! Once again I know the Lord is teaching me. He is God alone and He is on His throne. As I have been telling my kids lately, us worrying doesn't do any help at all...in fact it can often do harm instead. Giving it to God in prayer and then choosing to see the things to be grateful for and thanking Him for it....now THAT changes things for good!

I'm SOOOOOO ready to be back and at it with consistent conscious eating and with exercise. I am missing routines! And I'm sure I gained a ton of weight! AAHHH. Anyways, I don't even want to step near the scale. I'll just assume I gained and be really careful with my eating.

I'm not sure how much I'll be blogging in the next while...but I just wanted to make sure I finished off our trip to Mexico properly by announcing I arrived home safe and sound, praise God!

Homeward Bound

Well, today is the day we leave Mexico and fly back home. We're all really looking forward to home.

The kids both got symptoms of swimmer ear going on. My youngest was in a lot of pain, so we decided to visit a doctor last night. I couldn't believe how easy it was! God definitely provided in that moment. An english speaking doctor in a 24 hour clinic just a short two block walk down the road! Amazing! We felt better having the kids checked and following doctor's advice.

Sooooo..... I've been up since 5am and can't sleep and am ready to get going:-) Actually I'm having trouble sleeping because I'm hungry for breakfast as well...which is a good thing of course:-)

One last thing, here are some pictures from our past week sent in Playa del Carmen.

Well, adios Mexico! Here we come Canada:-)

Thanks Lord for being with us each step of the way and for all Your gracious and bountiful provisions. Amen.

Mexico - a few pictures

Here are a few highlight pictures I'd like to share. We're not yet home, so there may be a few more favorites:-) I wish we'd taken more pictures with the kids at the Fletcher's home, but we opted to live in the moment rather than capture each moment in photos... Tulum cabana.
My handsome husband:-)

Fun in the waves at Tulum.

My monkey daughter:-)

Playdough fun at the Fletcher's.

A special family we shared a hamper with.

The dear old lady who kept knocking at her Heavenly Father's door in prayer, whom we delivered a hamper to.

Teaching sunday school with Marta at a village church.

Steve Fletcher showing off the limes the kids picked one afternoon. In the background is the orphanage property.

A real tortilla making lesson! It was awesome!

My eldest daughter enjoying a little monkey moment:-)

Mexico Trip - part 3

Looking back I can see that God had His hand in each moment of our time in Dzan.

That last week of our time in Dzan we delivered another four hampers. This was by far one of our highlights. These families had clear needs and were in relationship with the Fletchers, so it was very special to be part of this love offering.

They all stood out in my mind...but one that I'd like to capture for you, is when we visitted an elderly lady. She had been close friends with Marta's mom for many years, prior to Marta's mom passing away. She was clearly a godly woman, yet had been unable to attend church for some time. We entered her home and she was so moved. She immediately started to say, with such emotion, that she had just been praying to God "Who (and when) are you going to send somebody to visit and encourage me in my faith?" She was clearly feeling "low" and needed some encouragement and had been persistently bringing it to the Lord in prayer. So when we walked in the door she joyfully recognized us as the answer to her prayers. We talked and prayed together. She shared how she had been experiencing many fears lately, that she knew were from the devil. She shared how she was praying through her ailments and fears as she knew God had always faithfully answered her prayers through the years. In fact she said that God was always the only One who could cure her... The doctor's efforts never worked. Prayer to her Father did. I was so touched and wept as I listened to this beautiful old lady share from her heart in the mayan tongue.

We also visitted a village on Sunday night, teaching sunday school to 23 children. It was a different experience with the language barrier clearly felt. A bit frustrating in many ways. The miraculous "God-thing" about this was that on our way back home, Steve told us what he had preached about in the service - Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." The VERY thing our sunday school lesson had been on! I was touched that God had yet again showed Himself so real. Praise God.

Another God-thing, was that Jon got sick on Friday, and God graciously lifted the fever that very night, within hours of him getting the fever. (Continued prayers for my eldest who has had stomach troubles since Sunday and also for Jon who has a fever again today, Thursday, would be greatly appreciated.)

As I look back I have these little snapshots of the the dear people we spent so much time with...

The 5 year old child of the oldest orphan girl (18 years old), following my youngest daughter around, quite enamoured with her. I also have this vision of him laughing and laughing and so joyful.

The youngest girl, 7 years old, giggling and laughing and being such a goof ball the whole time we were with them! God has certainly healed her wounds from the past. The psychologist says she is just like any other child, "normal" in every sense, not scarred by her experiences from birth to three years old. Praise God!

The 10 year old orphan boy saying, "Chrrristina, uno?" How could I resist?! He sure loved playing the UNO card game!!! It was touching to be asked:-)

12 year old girl, D., with such a sweet spirit, helping around the house every chance she got, with such a beautiful gentle presence. Praise God for sparing her a heart hardened by the pain.

14 year old girl, M., hugging and playing with my youngest daughter, relishing the moment. And then at the end of our visit she was the one who handed my youngest daughter a stuffed animal as a good bye gift, as she did last year.

The oldest 15 year old brother coming downstairs when we were leaving on Tuesday and offering me a hug and handing me a letter. As I got Steve to translate the letter for us on the drive to the bus station, he got midway through the letter and said, "This is from E.?!" He couldn't believe it. He said this was the first letter E. had ever written to another person! What a privilege and blessing and joy. I was very moved. I could see those moments spent side by side with him at the kitchen sink day after day, washing and drying the dishes in quiet companionship had taken root in his heart.

The eldest girl, 18 years old, so beautiful inside and out, grown up into a truly godly and beautiful and responsible and gifted young woman. It was a joy to watch her perform a song at a church service on Monday night, her first performance ever. God has certainly redeemed her from the pit!

Then there were the Fletcher's children who touched our hearts as well...

The eldest 12 year old daughter has such a servant heart. She has grown up so much over the past year, graciously accepting her ministry role in the family. It was a joy teaching her some baking skills as she was so eager to learn! One day I came home to see that she had taken on the job of making sugar cookies all by herself, no help from me! I was so impressed:-)

The middle 10 year old son, was such a help to us as well, translating for us so often and showing a maturity well beyond his years. He clearly has also graciously accepted his ministry role in this large family.

And then the youngest, a 7 year old, had such a sense of humour and was always laughing. I have this picture of him playing UNO with such a competitive spirit and playing with so much gusto!!

Then there are the snapshots of our time with Steve and Marta. Steve was always smiling and laughing and bringing joy to the family. And it was an incredible privilege to spend time with Marta - shopping together, cooking and cleaning together, baking together, talking and praying together. It was such a privilege watching and learning from her. She is a beautiful lady inside and out.

It was a high privilege to LIVE life with them. I feel WE benefitted far more than we benefitted them. The cross cultural experience we gained for ourselves and for the kids was priceless. And the experiences we were able to be part of - visitting villages, handing out hampers, praying with people, playing with the kids, being part of God moving in such tangible ways, were such a blessing to us in turn, memories that will be cherished forever.

It was a tearful goodbye. We formed very special bonds with each person in the family. Our prayers are with them as God unfolds the next phase of this vision for the orphanage and home for the elderly. They are so close to being ready to open. The main need right now is staffing for the orphanage. God prepares them one step at a time, though it may seem slow to us, God's timing is perfect. This was clear to us. The building is near completion, with just a few things left to do prior to welcoming children into the orphanage. We are excited for them as God begins to work out these details.

To see photos from our time in Dzan, click here.

Mexico Trip - part 2

Back for another update. Whew! What a week that has flown by! It's hard for me to remember all that has happened. Here are a few photos from our time so far, though the photos really don't fully capture all our experiences as sometimes we just have to live the experience not photograph it! I know there have been lots and lots and lots of games of the card game UNO and "Go Fish" played. The kids down here get exceptionally competitive with UNO, more than anyone I've ever seen! They are constantly requesting to play UNO:-) I'm glad we packed that game in the suitcase with us! Also, we brought along a game of pictionary and printed out spanish/english words so we could all play. I've been pleasantly surprised to see that has also been a huge hit. We've played lots of games of that as
well.

I packed a suitcase full of crafts/games relating to bible stories for just about every day and also lots of little things that can be a little something
special for the day. Games, jumping ropes, bubbles, stickers, tattoos, water balloons, stampers etc. The kids are enjoying these extra activities. We've
had some wonderful bonding times with the kids. Our relationship with these kids has deepened greatly this year. Last year we were more acquaintances,
though by the end of our stay we were friends. But this year, they know that we really are investing in them and they are drawing closer yet, so that is
really special to us.

One other thing I've been doing lots of is baking...which of course hasn't been helping me much in regards to conscious eating. I've been trying out a bunch
of baking recipes for Marta at her request, and trying to teach her and her oldest daughter a bit about baking. They love to try new things. They are on the look out for things they can make at the orphanage or even sell. So we've tried pizza, buns, tuna casserole, chocolate cake, chocolate chip cookies, sugar
cookies, biscuits...and there are more we will be trying this upcoming week. Everything I bake is such an experiment so it is always a little bit nail
biting as baking just doesn't work the same way here as it does at home. I think the flour is very different here and the oven only has heat coming from the
base not above.

The most stressful baking experience was definitely yesterday. It was the oldest "orphan" girls birthday and she was turning 18 years old. The whole extended family was going to be coming, making us a group of at least 30 people. Last year I'd made a cake for this girl's birthday since we were here at the same time, and I didn't feel they really liked the cake I made (banana spice cake with cream cheese icing). So this year I felt nervous about them not liking it again... Anyways, they wanted me to try out my chocolate cake recipe, so I went for it. Of course something went wrong, as it always does when I bake/cook for other people (:-)...the oven rack was just too near the heat and so the cake burned. I managed to salvage the cakes and once it was iced no one would have been the wiser. I realized this morning, that I forgot to put vanilla in the icing as well!!! I knew the icing didn't quite taste right last night! Anyways, the cake looked pretty, and tasted okay (though not the same as home once again). The other thing that I did yesterday for the big party was make the copycat "Red Lobster" biscuit recipe. Marta had told me last year they were some of her favorite biscuits, so I brought the right ingredients from Canada this time round, and made about 120 biscuits for the party last night! Whew! I was exhausted after that endeavor! But they were a hit! Yay!

On Sunday we attended church in a nearby village, both in the morning and the evening. The church is being planted by a korean church from the States. They
are currently without a pastor, so a korean american man from the church in the States has moved down to this village to fill in as pastor for the next six
months until they find a new pastor. The amazing thing is that he doesn't even speak much spanish! He will be working through a translator. I was so blown
away by this man's (and his wife) obedience, passion and surrender to the Lord. Their little 6 year old boy will be attending school in the village...with no
spanish yet known. Whew! Anyways, there was a mission team from the korean church that had come down to work for the past two weeks, so our visit coincided with their time.

God certainly had His hand in this meeting. From the very start when the visit to this small church was arranged (don't have the space to describe all that, except to say it was much more than coincidence how it all came to be) to the very topic of the message on Sunday (about the kingdom of God, the very thing on our heart's and which we have been studying in depth the past month). I sat listening to the message (what a blessing it was that the pastor spoke in english, translated into spanish of course!) and it was like God was saying "See I'm working here too, speaking the same words." They asked us to share in the service and so both Jon and I shared impromptu which once again was God inspired as Jon closed with the Lord's prayer emphasizing "Your kingdom come, your will be done." The pastor began to expound on this and showed how that prayer was incribed on the necklace around his neck! I was just so blown away by how God confirmed His message, His words, to us and to them again and again.

After the service, we delivered some food/hygience/school supply hampers that we had purchased on behalf of some friends from our home church. It was moving and touching to meet and pray with four different families, with various struggles and illnesses and difficulties. We pray this gesture of God's love will be a seed planted in their hearts and will draw them closer to God and encourage them.

Jon has been working on the land at the orphanage site a fair amount. I've been cleaning, playing games, running errands with Marta, etc. Our kids have been playing, playing, playing, playing, playing with countless kids that come in and out of the doors of this home! It's been a joy.

We are thankful for God's hand of protection with health and safety. We certainly don't take it for granted. I felt the beginnings of a chest cold setting in the beginning of our time here and Marta and the kids prayed over me and it lifted that very day, praise God. My youngest daughter had troubles with her ear as I think she got water in it from some extreme water play that was happening here:-) Anyways, she couldn't hear out of it for a day or so and then it moved to hurting...but once again, praise God, she is feeling better. We were driving back to the village church on Sunday evening (on a pitch rural road) and the lights started to go out, raising concerns of problems with the alternator or the electrical etc. We prayed our way to the church that evening...and praise God we arrived safe and sound and returned back to the Fletcher's home safe and sound.

As I said previously I'm still struggling with 0-5 eating. It's hard with such different schedules and with all the potential "tourist nibbling" opportunities I have here! Plus all the baking is not helping any! I'm sure I've gained some weight... My goal for this upcoming week is to cut out juice as much as possible and just drink water. I'll also make it my continued aim to be hungry for breakfast as that is the most relaxed, eat-when-you-want, meal. And I'm going to try really hard to cut back on portion sizes at lunch and supper. I'm really struggling though.

Well, that's my novel for today. I know I've been pretty long winded, but God has been good and I'm thankful for God's provisions, power and equipping once again, as each day I've been falling at His feet in such need of Him.

Accountability check-in

I thought I'd touch base on Thin Within related matters. I'm struggling with sticking with 0-5 eating. The past week I've almost completely reverted to my old self--greedy for food, not eating consciously or in present-time. It's amazing how quicky I can revert. The other night my tummy was so overfull and sore...and I'm not sure I even savoured the food that I stuffed into my body. The verses I felt impressed on my heart this past week were:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come. ALL THIS IS FROM GOD. 2 Corinthians 5:17-18a
(emphasis added)

You were taught with regard to your former way of life, to PUT OFF YOUR OLD SELF, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to BE MADE NEW in the attiude of your minds and to PUT ON THE NEW SELF, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:22-24 (emphasis added)

I must not forget all the Lord has worked in me, changing me. He has brought me so far. Though I feel a sense of discouragement and even a lack of desire to persevere, I know in my heart submitting to Him is the ONLY path to peace and righteousness, worshipping and elevating Him alone.

Lord, forgive me for falling so short and reverting to the old self. Help me persevere. Help me see with Your eyes. Cut out that root of greed in my heart. In your power, by your provisions and by your grace I step forward. Amen.

Mexico Trip - part 1

I have a few moments to post here in the early hours of the morning before everyone is up and at it for the day.

It was ironic that following my last post about fears and the storm the night before we left...some of the most "worry filled" moments of the trip were only a few hours from home! As we drove down to Minneapolis (where we were flying out of), we had to drive through a HUGE storm cell. It was that kind of rain where the visibility is basically nil. There was also lots of thunder, lightening and some hail. We had to pull over a few times and wait it out. Sooo, that was the start of our trip. Once again prayers were being said! We were in God's hands. I had to trust that He was in control and sovereign and "on His throne".

Next excitement was at Valley Fair. Once again the storm cell was passing over the area. Huge clouds were on the horizon...the kind I have come to think of as "tornado" clouds. Sure enough, a tornado watch was put into effect while we were at the amusement park. Everyone was ushered into a storm safe building and we waited about an hour. Once again many prayers were sent up! Once again it was about trusting God.

In all honesty some of those amusement park rides sent me to prayer a few times as well! We met some friends at Valley Fair...who have no fear of any ride...so subsequently we took MANY rides we would have been too wimpy to try otherwise! Of course we had a blast!

I think God had a lesson to speak to me! My devotions were all centered around reflections on trusting God, on letting go of fear etc. God was speaking loud and clear.

We flew off to Mexico last Wednesday, July 22nd. We had no problems whatsoever with any luggage getting lost or searched etc. Praise God! The next step of concern was getting a ride (about 1.5 hours) to the hotel we were staying at. Once again the Lord provided. I had many concerns about being squished into a small taxi with no seatbelts and a crazy driver. We ended up getting a good price for a bigger vehicle taxi, with LOTS of room to spare and seatbelts for each of us (even the driver was wearing one!). Praise God!

We spent six nights/days vacationing as a family about 1.5 - 2 hours away from Cancun. It has been a wonderful time of reconnecting as a family and as a couple, spending solid quality time together, fantastic weather and ocean scenery, and also a great time of reconnecting with God as I have been gobbling up a bible study workbook, doing multiple studies each day! It has been such a blessing. Praise God for His protection once again for that week of family time with taxi rides, with health, with safety.

On Tuesday, July 28th, we headed to the bus station and took a 4 hour bus ride to Merida, Mexico, where we were met by the Fletchers, the missionary family who have started up the Bridge of Love Orphanage. Late Tuesday night we arrived at their home, greeted the familiar faces of the children we met and connected with last year and fell into bed. Praise God for getting us safely there.

Yesterday was a bit of a whirlwind of a day for us. We played games, told a bible story, did art with stampers/paper and also with chalk on the sidewalk, made some sugar cookies together, went for walks, and just hung out together. The kids seem to be warming up to us again. I am really feeling the language barrier though. I'm kicking myself for not investing in some official spanish classes this past year. The kids have all grown up so much this year. They have taken on much more responsibility this year around the house as well, which is awesome. Martha, in particular, has much wisdom with these kids, gently guiding them and teaching them in the day to day stuff.

Excitement we encountered... Well, cockroaches galore. Ugh. I'm a little squeamish upon seeing so many in our room/bathroom area. Officially "babysitting" the whole crew of kids and making dinner for them (including our kids that was 12 kids) as Steve & Marta headed out for a dinner date. Of course many of them are teenagers so they don't need real babysitting...but it felt weird to be responsible for their care. Thankfully they are all great kids and listened (as translated through the Fletcher's eldest daughter) when we asked them to all head to their rooms at 10pm...for only two hours...since.... A mariachi band visitted the house at midnight, in celebration of Steve & Marta's anniversary! I'm not very good at staying up late in the night....so we headed to bed at 10:15 and managed to get about 2 hours of sleep prior to the sound of the arrival of the marriachi band playing throughout the house! Obviously no sound bylaws in this area!!! Lots of family members came to the house to also enjoy the mariachi band. So, here we were up on the roof top of their house being serenaded by a mariachi band! Wild! (Speaking of sound bylaws....a neighbour apparently enjoys waking up the neighbourhood bright and early at 6-6:30 am with loud music blasted out from his place...for about an hour! I woke up to that this morning, even through the earplug and fan white noise sound barrier!)

Here are a few links to photos my husband, Jon, has posted from our vacation so far:
Album #1
Album #2 (loading up as I type this)

Continuing to trust God with health and safety for us all. As I feel completely inadequate and at a loss to know how to minister, I'm throwing myself at the Lord's feet and trusting Him to guide me and direct me. As I look back at the past day I can certainly see His hand at work. And once again I feel completely inadequate for the day ahead, but I trust that God will once again be faithful and use me as He sees fit.

God's truth renews my mind as we head off...

I'm up at 2:45am right now....amidst thunder and lightening and pouring rain and a severe thunderstorm warning in effect...and decided to take advantage of these few moments to post prior to heading off on our trip in the morning. I am such a worry wart and the fact that there is a chance of tornados with storms like these sets me a little on edge. What a fitting start to this post....

I have been worrying and feeling anxious about our trip to Mexico. My mind is honestly like a running movie script. The worst case scenario is often one of my first thoughts which leads me to in a split second to see it all play out in my mind like a movie. I realized this a few years ago and it actually was kind of reassuring to see that this is what my mind was doing...and now I often tend to laugh at how fast and wild my imagination can be...and give it to the Lord. Here are some examples of how my mind works...

Severe thundestorm warning...and of course that slight chance of a tornado pounding through the area is what hits our house...and we are all sleeping so we miss out on escaping to our safe spot in the basement...and all die in the tornado.

Lightening storm...either we have lightening strike our tent, hit the ground and an electrical current run right up our bodies (or our kids bodies) and zap our hearts....or the lightening hits a tree above our tent, sending it crashing down on top of our family, right on our hearts of course!

Mosquito bite....of course west nile virus and we get encephilitis (swelling of the brain) and die.

Respiratory illness...it's the H1N1 (swine flu) and whoever has it in the family gets hit with the worst case scenario and of course dies.

On a rollercoaster ride at ValleyFair (where we're going on Tuesday by the way) and either Jon or I have heart failure and die....or the rollercoaster has a defect and we plummet to our deaths!

Snorkelling...of course we meet the dreaded lone hungry shark in the area and get devoured....or we hit an undertow current and get swept out to sea and drown.

Flying...well, either there are terrorists on board and the plane is hijacked or there is a defect in the plane and we plummet to our death.

In Mexico, driving in a taxi, with a young and crazy fearless race car driver, with no seatbelts on, our entire family of four squished into the back seat of the little vehicle, luggage filling the front seat (which we all know in an accident becomes a HUGE dead weight being thrown around)...well, it is just a death trap in my mind!

The kids having fun playing at the Fletcher's house (where there are so many open windows on the second floor and a huge empty cavern of a pool in the backyard)...and you can probably guess where my thinking wanders...the kids fall from something to their death.

Oh boy, what a list!! It goes on and on and on and on. My brain honestly just functions this way far too often. In fact from an early age I was a worry wart. My grade 2 teacher wrote on my report card "Christina worries too much." LOL

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I lived in a country (my parents were missionaries in Pakistan and I was isolated from them much of the year going to boarding school far from them)....where there were more risks that we took, more uncertainties, more tangible fears. I'm not sure. I have some pictures in my mind of some pretty dangerous situations we were in...and asked my parents about them recently and they said that yes, they were quite concerned in those situations. So it wasn't just me making up scary stuff. It was real.

Needless to say one of my favorite verses from a young age was

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:31

Okay, maybe I should have made my favorite verse instead,

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6

That may have been a more useful scripture to cling to! LOL Anyways, whatever the case, as you can tell, I'm a wimp!!!! And a worry wart!

And this trip to upcoming trip to Mexico has brought to the forefront much of my tendency to allow these worries and anxieties to build in my life. I didn't realize how much this burden was affecting me until the other day when I realized how tense I was, how my heart would race, how I was filled with fear...

And then these words of scripture broke forth, filling and renewing my mind with God's truth.

28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

Oh boy is that ever me! I need to come and draw near to the Lord. I'm weary from all this worry and definitely burdened with the anxiety. Oh how I need rest and peace, to trust God and His sovereign will. Allow God to be my strength and do the work by taking His yoke. Learn from Him. Oh how I need that. Rest for my soul....oh, please, Lord! For His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

These words cut right to my heart. They were just what I was needing. Fix my eyes on Jesus. Trust God. Those are hard words when facing fears I tell ya! Cast my anxieties on Him because He cares for us. God's all-surpassing power and strength are what I need to rely on in the face of any fear. God is in control. That is a big one that I need to truly allow to renew my mind.

Then yesterday at church we sang a song with these lyrics from "You are God alone."

You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
You are God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You were on the throne
You are God alone

Here is the youtube video of the song...
"You are God alone"


Oh what a refreshing drink for my soul. God's truth. The anchor in the midst of all the worries. Safe within His will. My soul feels at rest. I feel a deep trust in Him. That He is God and He is in control and that He is all-powerful and all-knowing.

God has been transforming me and drawing me near. My heart is filled with thankfulness for so many blessings, for relationship with Him, for this opportunity to minister we have unfolding in front of us, for His sovereignty.

I had no clue this post was going to be this longwinded! Especially at this hour! The storm is still raging around me, outside the house, with hail pounding the roof, but I am safe inside and feeling at peace. Which is a great illustration of how God wants me to be in the storms of life...at peace with Him as my anchor and refuge. What a great note to head off on, isn't it!

Thanks Lord for your truth, for your word of encouragement to my soul over the past few days, for your sovereignty. Amen.

And so we're off! I'm not sure how much I'll be online over the next month, but I'll try and touch base a few times...

Adios! Hasta luego! Dios te bendiga!

Saturday check-in

Checking in for my personal challenge:

#1. No eating in front of the TV unless it is a meal.
I didn't eat in front of the TV though I felt tempted once again.

#2. 11pm bedtime.
I went to bed around 11:15 again. I guess it is better than midnight... And I've been waking up at a more reasonable time in the mornings again and feeling a bit more rested.

#3. Exercise 5x this week.
Went jogging and biking today. So that makes it four days so far this week. Woohoo!

#4. No desserts this week.
Hmmm...got a little greedy again in this department with some scones.

Family Mission Trip

MEXICO HERE WE COME!

I can hardly believe how fast time is flying by this summer. We'll be on a plane, heading down to Mexico, this upcoming Wednesday! Wow!

Here's a bit of information about what this trip entails.

We are heading down to the Mayan Riviera, landing in Cancun. We will be spending about 6 days family vacation time in Akumal and Tulum, within about 2 hours of Cancun, at the beach. Then from there we are heading via a 4-5 hour bus ride inland, to an orphanage start up in a little village named Dzan, near Merida. We will stay with a missionary family for two weeks and help out as much as possible. And then we're back to the ocean for another 6 nights of family vacation time, in Playa del Carmen. And then fly back home again! It is going to be quite an adventure!

We visited this same family last year and helped out for 10 days. The orphanage is called "Bridge of Love" and the family we stay with are Steve & Marta Fletcher. They have seven orphans living in their home at present along with their own three kids. And the orphanage site is pretty much completed so they will be moving onto the next stage of things pretty shortly I imagine.

We look forward to just hanging out with LOTS of kids all day long:-) There always seem to be kids around....often have no clue who they are! I have planned lots of bible stories and games and crafts which we will bring down with us. We will try to spend as much time as possible investing in these kids lives and extending God's love to them. Last year Jon also helped with some maintenance/building type stuff. And I helped LOTS in the kitchen as there was always a need of some sort! Marta has quite the crew to cook and clean for every single day! I also taught some basic piano to anyone interested. We went for walks, had lots of water fights (since it is HOT HOT HOT there!) and just had such a blessed time. This is a special family and special kids they have brought under their wing. Our kids, age 6 and 8 last summer, seemed to fit in naturally and beautifully though they couldn't communicate with most of the kids since they didn't know spanish.

Sooooooooooo, that is what we are looking forward to in the upcoming month.

We're also looking forward to some wonderful family vacation time. I can hardly believe we'll be snorkelling with sea turtles in five or six days! That's crazy! I'm really hoping our youngest will give snorkelling a try this year. God sure created awesome things under the sea!

We're definitely anxious about travel as it will be a no-seatbelt month quite likely. Hmm...I'm just thinking it may be a worthwhile prayer to pray for taxis which actually have seatbelts! Also, there are other safety concerns as life is just so different there in Mexico versus North America. All prayers are COVETTED!

In regards to discipline issues... I know it will be very difficult to always eat at #0 while at the Fletcher's in particular. I'll aim to stay within 0-5 the best I can with the Lord's help. And the biggest thing I'll be vigilant and prayerful about will be my greed-meter and to remain God-focused and other-focused. If I can watch these aspects I think 0-5 boundaries will fall into place more easily. I will continue to remain intentional and keep a private food log. I know that things flowed and worked out in this regard last year and I want to continue with the same attitude for the most part...though I may be cutting back on how many tortillas I eat in a sitting! I think I overdid that last year!

I think that sums up where things are going in the upcoming month. I'm excited for all that God has in store. I'm nervous about some details and safety issues. I'm feeling blessed to be able to even head down there again. I'm filled with eagerness and anticipation to rekindle the friendships and relationships that started last year. I'm waiting in expectation for God to move. I'm as ready as I can be!

Lord, use us. May our family spread the aroma of your love and grace everywhere we go. I pray for safety and health as we travel. I pray that we would be able to serve you to the best of our ability and that your all-surpassing power would be made evident as we, your humble jars of clay, step out in faith and desire to extend your love to people in need. I pray that YOU would be magnified and glorified. I pray that seeds would be planted and hearts would turn towards You. Amen.