TW Summer Study - day 10

Day Ten~ Building in the Present Moment

This chapter was EXACTLY what I needed, right after writing my last post. I have been feeling like victory is so fleeting. I have been feeling tired out from the battle...from losing so many battles.

To know that this PRESENT moment counts is awesome. Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. (Phil 3:12) That resonates.

On page 94 the question is asked, "Have you been...beating yourself up for your lack of success?"

And my answer is a resounding "YES!" I feel like I have the knowledge of how to experience God's victory in this area, but feel unable to make real lasting progress. However I guess I need to re-examine what progress is. In Sheila's words in TW (pg95) she says, "I'm not a failure, but a work in progress." This has been my motto...which I guess I need reminding of once again. My life, as long as I am alive on this earth, will ALWAYS be a work in progress!

Here are a few quotes that stuck out to me...

Through his eyes, perceived failures become opportunities. TW pg 95

Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. (Denis Waitley) TW pg 95

Failure is not something we are. Failure is something we do. TW pg 96

We are God's saints by calling, who fail. TW pg 98

He knows we will fail even before we do, but it is not His will that we fail without benefiting or maturing in some way from the experience. TW pg 99

You must not try harder; you must strive less. You must acknowledge your helplessness and total dependence upon the Spirit for your guidance, your area of service, and your ability to love. You are created for good works, but they must flow out of your abiding communion with the Living vine. God's grace is more than a pardon; it is a constant, ever-flowing provision, a reassuring presence and an incredible power. TW pg 99

Each of these quotes cut right to my heart and lifted my spirits and encouraged me to continue pressing on, forgetting what was behind...though of course not forgetting the lessons learned.

I realize the importance of not allowing these failures to be wasted. Each of these moments of failure are learning opportunities disguised as failures. If I ignore the opportunity to actually grow and learn from them, my growth will be slow going, as I have to keep on learning the same lesson over and over again. If I focus on the renewing of my mind, by God's truth and grace each step of the way, then I will begin to be transformed for His glory. So I press on:-)

The real question is not whether you are going to fail, but rather how you will respond when you do. TW pg 100

In closing, here is a song that came to mind as I began this post.

HISTORY by Matthew West
(To listen to the song click here...no clue what the youtube video is about so you can ignore that and just read the lyrics below as you listen. The song starts at :30 and ends at 4:30)

Its been a bad day, you've been looking back
And all you can see is everything you wish you could take back
All your mistakes, a world of regrets
All of those moments you would rather forget
I know it's hard to believe
Let me refresh your memory

Chorus:
Yesterday is history
And history is miles away
So leave it all behind you
Let it always remind you of the day
The day that love made history

You know you can't stay right where you fell
The hardest part is forgiving yourself
But let's take a walk into today
And don't let your past get in the way

Repeat chorus

Yeah Yeah

Would you believe that you are history
In the making, in the making
Every choice that you are making
Every step that you are taking
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
Every word that you are saying
Every prayer that you are praying
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
History is in the making
History is in the making

Repeat chorus

Yeah yeah
Oh history is in the making

Every word that you are saying
Every prayer that you are praying
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
History is in the making
History is in the making

"I'm tired" rant

I'm tired of it being so hard to lose or maintain weight. I'm tired of each choice counting. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of failing. I'm tired of caring. I want to just be 150lbs and STAY there. I'm tired of feeling ashamed. I'm tired of feeling like a public failure, as each regained pound is outwardly reflective of failure. I'm tired of my body's lumps and bumps and bulges and flab. I'm tired of being anxious about this. I'm tired of being tired about this!

Lord, help me! Help me press on and cling to your rainbow promise to me... "Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6 Amen.

Tw summer Study - day 9

Day Nine ~ Overcoming Obstacles to Restoration: Part 2

Here are a few quotes that stood out to me...

His presence always accompanies us and His power is available to implement whatever He calls us to do. TW pg 85

How encouraging! Thank you, Lord.

He uses even this personal battle you are experiencing and He will redeem it for His glory. TW pg 88

This is awesome!

Joni Eareckson Tada wrote (as quoted in TW on pg88):

God uses suffering to purge sin from our lives, strengthen our committment to Him, force us to depend on grace, bind us together with other believers, produce discernment, foster sensitivity, discipline our minds, spend our time wisely, stretch our hope, cause us to know Christ better, make us long for truth, lead us to repentance of sin, teach us to give thanks in times of sorrow, increase faith, and strengthen character.

This quote has struck a chord with me each and every time I read it. As I re-read it, I broke it down.

God uses suffering to purge sin from our lives
So true. This journey has definitely pushed me to examine my heart more closely.

...strengthen our committment to Him
I agree.

...force us to depend on grace
yes

...bind us together with other believers
Can't say "yes" enough to that! This journey has certainly drawn me into deeper relationship with other sisters in Christ, both near and far.

...produce discernment
yes

...foster sensitivity
yes

...discipline our minds
Absolutely. This has been a huge area of transformation that God has worked in my life.

...spend our time wisely
I need to work on this one. TW day 8 post reminded me of ways I can spend my time even more wisely by serving others in moments of temptation.

...stretch our hope
Yes, yes, yes! And teaching me to PERSEVERE in hoping!

...cause us to know Christ better
Praise God for this gift. What a privilege and joy it has been to get to know Him more deeply over the past two years.

...lead us to repentance of sin
I agree.

...teach us to give thanks in times of sorrow.
I want to foster this more in my life, in both good times and bad.

...increase faith
Absolutely.

...and strengthen character
I believe so.

Praise God for using this journey, this personal battle, and redeeming it for His glory! My heart is filled with joy! I need to remember this and be thankful in those moments when I fall prey to more vain thoughts. Every single one of those descriptions was an internal change...POWERFUL transformations that God has worked. External change can be a wonderful blessing...but internal change is the biggest gift of all.

TW Summer Study - day 8

Day Eight ~ Overcoming obstacles to Restoration: Part 1

It's been awhile since I posted. I actually have had an on-track 0-5 week, which is wonderful, praise God! Though I have to admit I'm still struggling through the freedom from the scale issue.

Okay, moving on... As I thought about taking every thought captive, here are a few beliefs about food that came to mind:
* I need sugary treats each day to feel better. Nothing else will hit the spot.
* Just this one time (overindulging or eating outside 0-5).
* I am doing myself a favor eating up the treat so it won't tempt me later. I'd be back for more later anyways.

Creative options in moments of temptation:
* call a friend, ask God who I can minister to even with a phone call
* write an encouragement note or email to someone every time I feel tempted
* read a book
* have a bath...put out candles and all to add to the distraction!
* put on some music...and maybe even dance to it

As I type this up I'm hit with the realization that an effective way out of temptation is focussing on serving the LORD and OTHERS, rather than serve MYSELF in those moments. I'm looking forward to applying this thought.

Preplanning for trials:
I have so much appreciated this concept, the intentional nature of everything, not being blown around by every whim and desire. I try to do this a lot, calling it "setting myself up for victory." I don't want to give the devil a foothold. In TLT the concept of links of a chain was described and how we need to make sure we destroy the links that lead to sin. (or something along those lines! I'm just remembering off the top of my head:-)

Wise choices:
These words on page 81 hit me like a ton of bricks. I need to make wise choices more frequently. Something for me to think about more.

Okay, that's the summary of what hit me for this chapter. Onto the next chapter:-)

TW Summer Study - day 7

Day Seven ~ My Body, God's Restoration Underway

The person on the path of God's provision, as we have seen, may experience a "two steps forward and one back" movement, but the direction is set. TW pg 64

Oh boy can I relate to that!!! My journey to surrender my body to the Lord has certainly been this kind of momentum...and, praise God, in the past year has also been with a set direction. To finally be persevering through the "one step back moments" is a huge victory that I can only attribute to God's grace and empowering.

The two words that kept on going through my head over and over again after I finished reading this chapter were "GLORIOUS RUINS" (as quoted by A.W. Tozer). I know that sin has such a destructive effect in my life, overeating being just one of many that I struggle with, but thinking of myself, a child of God, as "glorious ruins" is awesome! God loves me. He has made me in His image. He wants me to be transformed into His image more and more, to glorify Him. So, I give Him the ruins of my life... I want to continue ruminating on this thought.

This chapter began to push the reader to examine WHY the ruins exist...bringing us back to the concept of fat machinery. The ones I've been dealing with lately are:

Conditioned/Habitual response:

* wanting to munch on popcorn when I settle down to watch TV (especially on weekends)

* nibbling on food at the counter as I prepare the dinner meal for the family

* dinner time and weekends are definitely my most challenging times to stay on course with 0-5 as I desire to eat with the family and meals are often a little more "hearty"...plus I tend to eat more sweets at these times.

Beliefs:
* a rebellious attitude that says "I want it" despite the known consequences

* "I need sugar" to feel better/to finish off the meal etc.

Failures:

* apathy sets in at times and I eat because I feel like my efforts are not reaping the rewards I desire, so "why try?"

Each of these reasons [we choose to eat when we aren't hungry], if allowed to go unchallenged, acts as a termite-infested cedar beam in God's temple. TW pg 70

I think the next two chapters begin to set the course for renewing of the mind with truth and taking each of these triggers captive to Christ. It was a good exercise to take a fresh look at what fat machinery has taken root in my life in recent months. It is time for me to respond rather than react.

I appreciated the scripture highlighted at the close of this chapter. It gives me much hope as I know that on my own, in my own strength, I have failed and will continue to fail time and time again. But God's not leaving me helpless and unequipped for this journey, in this struggle to surrender all to Him.

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness." 2 Peter 1:3

TW Summer Study - day 6

Day Six ~ My Body, God's Temple

The following quote really resonated with me,

You are an expression of His glory, created in His image to know Him personally and to make Him known. (TW pg 57)

This chapter began to introduce the concept of "fat machinery".

Anything that pushes us toward eating when we aren't hungry, when we're not yet at that empty 0 runs counter to our godly goals. (TW pg 57)

Four categories were unpacked: conditioned or habitual responses, beliefs, past stories and failures.

An easy way for me to view fat machinery is to think of it as triggers. I'll unpack them a little more in the next chapter post.

In the meantime another thing that stood out to me was the portion or the chapter in regards to the scale. I feel bad because this past week I slid back to using the scale. I was hoping I had finally moved to a phase of the journey where I no longer needed or felt compelled to use it.

Last week's weigh-in was a bit of a roller coaster ride for me. I felt like I'd been so consistent and was in such a good place with TW and my body and with the Lord. To see 159lbs looking back at me on the scale was discouraging. I felt like my "obedience" was not being reflected on the scale. Anyways, I did not slide into a deep pit of muck and mire like I have at other times on my journey...but it did throw me for a spin. It certainly pushed me to make some observations about why I am this weight. I now feel it was a needed reality check.

I still don't exactly know what role I want the scale to play in my journey. Maybe I need these reality checks every now and then.... The following quote from this chapter spoke to this approach to the scale...

We often think things are better or worse than they actually are, so prayerfully using the scales as a reality check from time to time is OK. TW pg 59

I like the concept of the scale being my "reality check" not my "club of condemnation" (or excuse for "permission to celebrate with food").

Once again I feel God's peace and perspective flooding my soul. I want to continue letting this journey flow as it flows, without forcing it into a specific box or form.

Reign of God

First of all, I've got to be honest....it's been a tough week. I faced the scale on Wednesday due to a doctor's appointment. And it did send me for a bit of a spin. Anyways, I am still working my way through the role of the scale in this journey. My two primary goals~scale or no scale~are #1. glorify God (and God continues impressing on me the importance of surrendering my body to Him by eating 0-5 as a way of glorifying Him) and #2. come to peace with my body. So I continue one step at a time...

Second, my husband (who I have to say was incredibly supportive and encouraging through my spin this week) probed me a bit about my approach to this journey. He challenged me to take another look at Matthew 6:31-33 again...

"So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:31-33

I love these verses and have highlighted them many times before...but I think I zoned in more on seek first "his righteousness" part of the verse, rather than "his kingdom". I have been seeking to obey Him and be surrendered to Him (in particular with regards to the sin of gluttony and greed)....which is right and good and certainly aligns with the intention of these verses. But the terminology "his kingdom" brings a whole new depth of understanding to these verses which I need to keep in the forefront.

This past year my husband went on a bit of a quest to figure out exactly what Jesus meant in his frequent reference through the gospels to the kingdom of God and kingdom of Heaven. A simple way of understanding it is this kingdom is the reign of God right here and now AND in the age to come. Oftentimes I perceived it as more of a future kingdom...but it is also about the here and now. I have been making an effort to learn more about this kingdom by circling each and every reference to it as I read through the gospels.

So what does God's kingdom look like? That becomes the pressing question. First and foremost God is King. He is Lord and Ruler. If He is the King of my life, I am fully and completely surrendered to His rule in my life in ALL AREAS. Scripture unpacks time and again many characteristics of a life surrendered to Him. I think the fruit of the spirit is a good start since it is reflects much of the character of God...as He increases in our lives we decrease. Other things that come to mind, that Jesus emphasized so often, is caring for the poor and needy. He had such a heart for the oppressed. So I will continue digging into this topic and studying scripture as I still have much more to learn.

I think it is fair to say a life lived with JESUS as King, the greatest Love of my heart and life, naturally becomes an OTHER-centered life. Becoming GOD-focussed means becoming OTHER-centered.

So, as I re-examine the above scripture from Matthew 6:31-33 I can't help but have a fresh realization of the importance of being OTHER-centered. I have often pinpointed one of my primary goals on this journey as being to have "soul satisfaction" through a complete GOD-focus...but I can't help but think that this aspiration can become a bit hollow and self-centered if it is without God's love in action...which is OTHER-centered. I think I'm going to change my main spiritual aspiration from "soul satisfaction" to "delighting in the Lord and His will". I think that encompasses both soul satisfaction, which is growing to love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength...and also the action that God calls me to...which is to love others. I want my life to be poured out for Him and I want Him to reign as King of my life right here and now and forever.

Sooooo, that starts with RIGHT NOW, today, being more patient and kind and loving towards my husband...as I was a bit "snippety" with him today. It is pouring myself into my kids. It is seeking God's guidance as to which neighbours and friends to spend time with, planting seeds in their lives. Which programs at church does God want me to become part of, impacting lives for His glory? It's about the kids who I see every day at school, who I have the privilege to love and care for. The hurting people that God has brought into my life, whom I get to love, love, and love, pray, support, mentor. The muslim lady, a block away, who is lonely and longs for a friend. Sharing a kind and encouraging word with friends, in-person or online. Returning to Mexico this summer will be another step that I pray will help me become more other-centered for God's glory and purposes. Yikes! I'm getting excited! :-) Delighting in the Lord and His will is clearly not a boring or sedentary thing!!!!

Lord, help me to have the mind of Christ. Help me be Your aroma spreading throughout the world, extending Your love and mercy, teaching others Your truth, spreading the good news of Your grace and mercy and forgiveness, reflecting You in all I say and do. Help me to love You more deeply each day. And help me, in turn, love others for Your glory. Transform me. Mold me into Your image. Renew me. Use me. Guide me. Reign in my life I pray. Amen.

God at Work

"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

Clearly God has been at work...for I survived swim suit shopping today! That's worth celebrating! I tell you, the lighting in those Walmart change rooms is VERY unflattering! I didn't get the same effect when trying on my purchases at home...

Anyways, today's shopping trip was another reminder of TW day 5's lesson on loving, accepting and embracing this body God has blessed me with. I picked out swimsuits, with little care about sizes! That is a step in the right direction! I simply wanted it to fit right. This step reflected for me the increasing peace I'm experiencing with regards to my body. I also did not pass condemnation on myself for the many bulges and stretch marks and such that I could see staring back at me in the mirror (which Walmart lighting truly accentuated!). I didn't let what I saw determine who I am.

I am feeling more and more at peace. I can accept what I look like when I know that I am seeking to surrender myself to the Lord and glorify Him. I know that I won't get things perfect and will never have a body like a magazine model, but I will keep seeking Him allowing Him to do His good work in me (whatever that looks like!)...for peace is found in His presence, as I keep my gaze stayed on Him.

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." Isaiah 26:3 (KJV)

Thank you Lord for Your peace and Your constant presence.

This post got me thinking about a beautiful song...so here it is if you want to check it out.

TW Summer Study - day 5

Day Five ~ My Body, Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

His choice to love us. God's boundless, unconditional love. He treasures us. His profound love. He waits for us. His precious children. Allow the love of God to fall afresh on you. TW day5

These are all statements that jumped out of the pages at me for this reading. God loves me and you....REALLY loves us. His lavish love is being pressed closer to the heart in this chapter.

I find the timing of reading this chapter quite interesting because just a few days ago I had a conversation with a close friend on this very topic...weight related issues, the sin of gluttony and the "fearfully and wonderfully made" scripture truth. Our conversation forced me to press a little closer to the heart of this matter and dig a little deeper.

So, here was the big question we discussed.

Can you be overweight, clearly struggling with the sin of gluttony, and be able to cling to the the truth "fearfully and wonderfully made"?

My immediate instinct was "OF COURSE!" My friend questioned my response as she felt the sin issue was then being ignored. It was good to be pushed a little deeper. She had authentic concerns which I appreciated discussing in depth. And my answer continues to be a resounding, "Of course!"

And the dots began to connect, all coming together and beginning to make more sense, with the reading of this chapter...

But we have this treasure [the presence of God] in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 2 Corinthians 4:7

"The beauty and value of the vessel is found in what it contains." TW pg48

Wow! Isn't that an amazing statement, particularily to us as believers?! I have always heard the cliche, "It's what is inside that counts" or "Beauty comes from the inside." And I have always held to that and believed that...and still do. The above verse and statement drove that all home to an even deeper level for us as believers because God dwells INSIDE US!

Moving onto externals... The "mirror mirror exercise" highlighted and beautifully unfolded the intricate detail of our body and the function, blessings and beauty of each part. Though it may be difficult to look ourselves in the mirror....REALLY look at ourselves....it was a beautiful reminder of the fact that our bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made and certainly have had a clear function in day to day living and loving. Yes, for some of us the sin of gluttony may be showing its wear and tear on our body (and just for the record, I've been many different sizes and shapes at 5'6" - 115lbs, 150 lbs, 160lbs, 175lbs, 205lbs, so I can personally attest to wear and tear I've experienced in my own skin)...but that doesn't discount the fact that we are still fearfully and wonderfully made.



I was reminded again that we cannot hate ourselves into change. If I cannot even look at my body, and feel a sense of contempt for my body, I am missing out on seeing the beauty and fingerprints in God's creation...me. So often we just focus on external criteria for beauty - slim hips, shapely legs, small butt, pert nose, full lips, flat stomach, no stretch marks etc. etc. etc. How many of us actually fill that criteria?! Seriously! (I know I never have!!!) This brings to mind this classic Dove commercial...




The point is that not even the "models" of beauty fill every criteria that our society has for external beauty. I think it is awesome to go deeper and push past all those external marks of beauty and find the beauty that we each have as unique individuals, both externally and internally. We're not barbie clones!!!! God has made each of us beautiful in our own unique way! We all come in different shapes and sizes, with different limitations and gifts, with different kinds of beauty.


"Fingerprints of God" by Steven Curtis Chapman


But the most beautiful thing of all is a heart that is surrendered to God and is reflecting the contents [God's presence] of their vessel, their jar of clay! I seriously believe that! When I see a person who LOVES God it shines through and radiates and it's impossible not to see the beauty that comes from a woman who fears the Lord. As I think about many friends I have here on the internet I don't even know what they look like externally! What a privilege though to be able to see people's hearts!!!! And how BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL so many of you are!!!! I can hardly contain my excitement when I see this beauty. It's reflecting. It's shining through.




That's how I think God looks at each of us. This is the kind of beauty the Lord loves and treasures! Christ in us. A beautiful, contrite, God-focused spirit. As we keep our focus on God, as we are doing with TW here, the external appearance of our bodies will naturally adjust to where God intends for us to settle. I truly believe that.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30

So, after this very long winded post, I continue sticking to my resounding "Of course" we are fearfully and wonderfully made, no matter what size or shape we come in. And in my books I have to say my standard definition for beauty is not based on the externals but really and truly on the heart of each person. I could go through a list of internal beauty marks which radiate - kindess, humility, goodness, gentleness, patience, love, generosity, curiousity, faithfulness etc. etc...but really the most shining characteristic of the most beautiful people is a heart surrendered to the Lord. What beauty is reflected! Because JESUS IS RELFECTED!



As I dwell on this definition for beauty I can't help but feel free to be loved by God into all that He intends to me...rather than condemned and hating myself into changing (which we know doesn't really work very well at all!).

TW Summer Study - day 4

Day Four ~ A Path of My Choosing

Moment by moment, step by step, in the present...choices, choices, choices to be made.

CHOICE: Beat myself up for my failures. Step into the prison of paralyzed fear, condemnation, despair. Listen to the lies of Satan. And stay in this cycle....forever.

or

CHOICE: Allow myself to be loved by God. Allow myself to believe God and what His word says. Listen to the Holy Spirit's nudgings and conviction and teaching. Learn from my mistakes. Allow truth to line the walls of my mind. Change. Be transformed. Be saturated in God's grace and love. Be equiped and empowered to change from within by the renewing of my mind, taking thoughts captive to Christ...and move to victory step by step by step by step.

Observation (dispassionate as Heidi emphasizes) and correction are such important tools to consider and apply on this journey. Here is one I need to apply tonight...

Situation: Tonight, as I was eating supper, I had drank a big glass of water, had some salad and munched on a bit of fruit and was moving to what I was most looking forward to...a slice of homemade pizza...and a very subtle (almost imperceptible) little air bubble burp - ladylike of course:-) - escaped.

Observation: I could sense that I was getting near #5. But in all honesty I DID NOT WANT TO STOP. (I knew that in the past this little air bubble escape meant I should stop. And I would actually stop right then, no more bites. I was done.) But I have no longer been paying attention to this cue and certainly didn't want to listen to this cue as I bit into the slice of pizza...and so I kept going. I know I'm pushing my #5 hunger #'s. I am feeling greedy at suppertime, trying to squeeze as much food in as possible. And my #5's should probably be closer to #6 or #7 a lot of the time.

Correction: Slow down so I can enjoy and savour every bite fully. Be very very aware of my body's cues as I near satisfaction. Next meal STOP before or when I get that air bubble escape. NOT ONE BITE PAST! For the times when I feel satisfied before the air bubble escape, try practising by leaving a couple bites on my plate/bowl, offering them to the Lord (not just for the sake of doing it!) as a sacrifice of worship to Him, reflecting on my surrender to Him, on being mastered by Him alone.

Okay, that was pretty long winded, more than usual for my O&C's... But you know what, I needed to do that tonight! This is a big stepping stone for me....getting past fudging the numbers...

Love, love, love the phrase "On the path of God's provision under the canopy of His grace..." TW pg 39

It is so true. God DOES provide. He equips. He empowers. He transforms. I am so thankful for His word, for sisters in Christ who come alongside for the journey, for the strength He gives for each day, for His love that He pours out and makes known to me each day, for the nudgings of the Holy Spirit, for answers to prayer, for caring about the smallest details of my life... I could go on and on.

I want to stay on the path of His provision under the canopy of His grace.

Here's a favorite verse I choose to cling to.

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8

Self-control

This week I am finishing up the Beth Moore "Living Beyond Yourself: Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit" bible study. The study ends with a study on self-control. So I thought it would be worthwhile to throw a few quotes out there that have stood out to me this week. All quotes are taken from the LBY study workbook. I hope they inspire you as much as they have me!

-----------------

Love keeps us afloat, and self-control keeps us anchored. Love lends us liberality, and self-control provides the boundaries within which love can be unleashed. (g 200)

Self-control is an issue of mastery, of authority, of boundaries. (pg 201)

Without self-control, we are like a city with broken-down walls! (referring to Prov. 25:28) To understand the significance of such a terrible dilemma we must remember a crucial characteristic of ancient architecture: a city was only as secure as the walls which surrounded it. A city's walls were its fortification. Archeologists estimate that three chariots could ride side by side on the wall of Nineveh. The walls of Babylon were so wide that six chariots could ride abreast on them! Their walls lent the reputation that they were practically impenetrable. (pg 202)

We are the temple of God...and self-control is our wall of protection. (pg 202)

Self-control is the decision to remain within the boundaries of victory! (pg 202)

I don't believe starvation forms of dieting are to the glory of God. I don't believe that crash dieting leads to much more than binging. The point is neither size nor shape. The point is freedom: a freedom that results from eating that which is beneficial to the body with not only the intent of losing weight, but also with the intent of glorifying God. This same resulting freedom leaves the results of our obedience up to Him. We'll be free. He'll be glorified, and we might just lose a pound or two in the process. (pg 215)

A victorious life is the sum of many victorious days. (pg 217)

Psalm 63 opens in the earliest moment of the day, reminding us that a victorious day begins with a victorious morning. You may be saying "But, I'm just not a morning person." I understand. But the problem is: God is a morning Person! (pg 217) love that quote! :-)

TW Summer Study - day 3

Day Three ~ Going for Godly Goals

I'm quite a goal oriented person. I like my lists. I like to make a perfect copy...of the good copy...of the rough draft of a list!!! LOL It's in my nature! This chapter has typically resonated with me as I would decide on what a good # I'd like to see on the scale at a certain point in time etc. It was the kind of motivation I needed. I still have felt God impress on me some clear goals and objectives as I posted about here.

But I feel like I'm at a bit of a different place right now than I was a year ago, with a bit less focus on the externals like weight and exercise etc. My focus has gradually shifted more to the internals, to the shape of my heart. I'm excited about this change that is taking shape. It's all part of the journey I guess! I look forward to greater surrender and intimacy with the Lord. I look forward to more of Him and less of me...

One thing I found quite interesting to note was that my vision statement has changed over the past year. Originally my vision statement was:

My life's purpose is to shine for Jesus, glorify God, evangelize the lost and equip the saints. (Some of our church's vision statement resonated so deeply with me that it became my own personal vision statement)

Here's my updated one, that the Lord has been impressing on me the past number of months...

My life's purpose is to love God more each day and extend His love to others...for His glory. I desire to be the aroma of Christ in this world.

Okay, I know I'm not that eloquent, but it pretty much sums up what I've been journeying through and towards lately.

So, with this vision statement in mind, I guess my primary goal is to find satisfaction in Him alone....not in food, leisure time, online time, family, friendships, material stuff... Him alone. All else fades in comparison to knowing and loving...and being loved by...Him....and passing it on to others so they can get to know and love and be loved by Him!

I love the verse that was highlighted in this chapter:

"The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives." (Psalm 37:23, NLT)

Beautiful! We certainly have a GREAT God!

Monday restart?

Barb Raveling wrote about this very dilemma on her blog here, about 1 1/2 months ago and it really resonated with me. Mondays have often been my "restart" day. What a cycle I can get caught up in! Her post is a worthwhile read on how to get out of this cycle.


Here's a hint!

TW Summer Study - day 2

Day Two ~ Getting to Know the Me God Has Made

As I settle in, ready to type up my thoughts on this reading, I am being drawn to the title of this chapter. As I focus on it after reading the chapter, everything I read is beginning to gel together.

Here are a few quotes that I want to highlight:

God is love. (1 John 4:8) His is an active love... He was inspired to initiate relationships with human beings from the beginning of creation because it is in His character to love... Our God is also amazingly creative... TW pg 18

[God] wants to be your constant companion on your journey to healing and wholeness. TW pg 21

By eating from 0 to 5, you will be on the path to the natural size He designed you to be. TW pg 24

I find that last quote, about the natural size, quite compelling. It's something I wrestle with. As I lay aside the man-made scale in favor of applying observation and correction under the canopy of God's grace....I am reminded to accept and love the way God has made me, just the way I am. Some days it is harder than others. Today I'm feeling a little "blobby".... As I think about swim suit weather around the corner, I have to confess I have my own "self-focussed" concerns about how my body looks...

However, there is no way I want to get off this path! I love the more "organic," natural, gracious flow of using the 0-5 scale rather than the bathroom scale. It resonates with me. I feel myself relaxing into God's will and leading. I trust Him. And I feel loved by Him.

The verse at the beginning of this chapter jumps out at me as I envision this journey being a lifelong trek, a marathon not a sprint...

Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he,
I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
Isaiah 46:4

God's love and provisions really are mind boggling, aren't they?! I'm thankful that He is my constant companion on this journey, for He really is the only One who can sustain and carry me to the end.

"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

He's the One who loves me and brings me to the finish line! Thanks, Lord.

Counting My Blessings...

This picture was taken by Jon on Monday, June 1st.

Safety during the storm

We had quite the crazy storm here this past week. I'm very thankful it didn't hit us harder. And I'm very thankful we are all safe.


Computer wasn't fried after getting facebook virus :-\

A long story short: I clicked on a link that I thought was a video (titled "My home video" along with a link...posted right in my facebook status update line) that Jon had put together for our anniversary and posted on my facebook account... I bypassed all security features because I figured if it was from Jon it would be fine...and lo and behold our computer got a virus! And I proceeded to send totally inappropriately titled posts to people in my facebook account, causing others to get the same virus on their computers. Ugh. Sickening feeing. Thankfully, my husband is in the know with computers (being a computer teacher). He was able to fix things, get rid of the virus and did not even once get mad at me or make me feel bad! Wow, that is love! Anyways, I am very thankful that I did not ruin our computer, lose important data, etc...

Good kids

I feel like the most blessed mom. My kids are really good...I mean, they aren't perfect. But they are about as near perfect as kids could be! LOL And what really blows me away time and again is when I go to the school and the kid's classmates or teachers know me as "____'s mom" and then have this look on their face like I am really to be respected/liked/looked up to for simply being "____'s mom." I talked about this with my kids last night and mentioned how this is exactly how we should be as Christians, as God's children. When people see us our desire should be they would want to get to know our Heavenly Father and that they say, "I'd like to get to know their Daddy. He must be pretty nice because _______ is nice. "etc.

Great parents

My parents are such a blessing. I'm thankful for their love and care. I'm thankful for their example. I am GREATLY blessed to have such amazing parents.

Wonderful grandparents for our kids

Both my parents and Jon's parents are a great blessing in our lives. It is a joy to see them invest in our kids' lives. To see how our kids look up to them, look forward to time spent with them, feel loved and cherished by them....wow! My heart is singing!

13 years of marriage
We celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary this week. I am very thankful for my husband and our marriage. I posted more here and here.

Great piano recital

I had my final piano recital on Saturday. All my students did fabulous! And we ended the year with an ice cream sundae party. I'm very proud of my students. I even had one student play a song he had composed. That was a first! The song was really good too:-)

Students for next year already set!

I'm very thankful that I don't have to worry about finding more piano students. I already have a full roster of students for next year. Woohoo! (And they are fabulous students to boot:-)

Lunch supervision has improved GREATLY over the past month or so

Something seems to have changed within me since spring break. I had a breaking point around spring break and thought for sure I was going to quit my elementary lunch supervision job. But God used words spoken by my husband to remind me to stick with things and push past the learning hurdles. And I have to admit the past month or two has been much improved. I feel I finally have authority in the classrooms and playground. This doesn't mean the kids all listen to me. But it is more something internal for myself. I feel like I don't have to worry about "earning" this authority any more. I feel that when I have a bad day, it's just a bad day! It's not sending my whole self-esteem with this job plummetting. So, this is a good thing. And I've really been enjoying the relationships with the kids. It is actually a pretty special privileged job to have...with its' share of challenges;-)

A close friend's spiritual growth very evident as she reached out and was a witness

This has to be the icing on the cake after many years of planting seeds, discipling this friend and growing together spirtually. It was such a joy to see her, at our last ladies bible study, reach out and begin to invest in another lady's life, speaking God's words of truth to her. Wow! It blew me away how much she has grown and blossomed! Praise God!!!!!

Friends on board with TW

I'm very excited about a few friends from church joining the Thin Within summer study started by Heidi. It feels great knowing there are others who are "on the same page." And I'm looking forward to the "new thing" that the Lord is going to do in all our hearts. I'm ready to PLUNGE DEEPER!

God's lavish love and acceptance
He loves me! He accepts me! I am His child! Thank you Lord! I long to more fully understand and embrace God's lavish love. And I long to extend His lavish love to others more and more each day. I posted a bit more about this here. And taking it one step further, I REALLY long to love HIM more and more each day.

Good to get out jogging
Though I don't much like exercising...it DOES still feel good to get outdoors jogging again. I love the fresh air, the outdoors scents, the sound of the birds and the frogs, the sight of the sun rising... It is such a blessing to be outside and moving and praying and praising God.

Fun family times at the park
Last week we went to a provincial park nearby and went biking, the kids did a bit of swimming (in very cool temperatures!) and had a wiener roast supper. Always lots of fun to be together:-)

Fantastic book
I just finished reading an absolutely fantastic book called "I Dared to Call Him Father" This book was easy to read (I could hardly put the book down), and was very inspiring.

Amazing ministry opportunity with muslim lady
Following the reading of the above book, I had an incredible visit with a muslim friend. I felt God nudging me to pray with her and she granted me the opportunity. As I finished praying for her she wiped tears from her eyes. It was clear that the Holy Spirit was moving.

Great to be God's instrument with others
I am so humbled and thankful that God deems me worthy of being His instrument. He wants to use me for His purposes. Wow! Blows me away!

Good health
Self-explanatory. I'm thankful that we're all pretty much healthy and well. This is always a blessing that gets easily taken forgranted.

Finances working out
We felt God urging us to return to Mexico this summer...but knew the finances would be a bit tight. But the Lord provides. Some backpay settlements that Jon was awaiting are coming in prior to summer. Praise God.

Summer is around the corner!

It feels so good to have the weather warming up. Almost able to walk outside without a sweater or jacket! Woohoo! And with summer being around the corner comes holidays, more family time, our trip to Mexico! It's just around the bend...

TW Summer Study - day 1

Day One ~ Free to Enjoy God's Lavish Love

LAVISH love. Gotta love that description! And so many amazing verses! Some of my favorites:

The Lord your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with lovingkindness.
I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt...
you will take up your tambourines
and go out to dance with the joyful.
Jeremiah 31:3-4

Aren't those beautiful verses of God's LAVISH love?! A few statements that popped out for me on the first page of the chapter were

"lover of your soul...His unfathomable love for you...this love is not based on your performance...God is crazy about you...God loves you exactly the way you are."

Wow! Those ones hit me strongly this time round! Thanks Lord for your love.

Next, on page 4, the other statement that stuck out for me was:

"Thin Within is not a diet plan. It is a way of life.... It is a process that requires time and commitment. However, it is also full of enriching self-discovery." TW pg4

I have been pondering this a lot more lately. I realize that it doesn't matter what plan you choose to follow (to lose weight) you have to be able to stick with the plan FOR THE REST OF YOU LIFE. And this is what I LOVE about TW! It is certainly a plan I can stick with for the rest of my life! Eat when I am hungry. Stop when I am satisfied. Ask for God's guidance in the whole process. Find satisfaction for the soul. Abide with the Lord. Learn to make gratitude the very fabric of my life. This is the kind of plan that I WANT to stick with for the rest of my life!!!

I filled out the questionaire on "My Current Relationship with Food" (pg6). It highlighted for me how I so easily fall into the rut of almost ignoring the food and shovelling it in without savouring and forgetting to have a thankful heart. It's not like this always. But I certainly find it harder to slow down, savor...and find the rhythm needed to connect with the family over dinner, connect with the Lord as I eat and also connect with my body's signals. Whew, that's quite a list!

Here is a run down of the keys to conscious eating that are presented on pg 8-10. In the past two months I was posting them one by one as a weekly challenge. I already went a bit more in-depth with each of the following posts if anyone cares to read my thoughts on each individual key.

#1. Eat only when my body is hungry
#2. Reduce the number of distractions in order to eat in a calm environment.
#3. Eat when sitting down.
#4. Eat when my body and mind are relaxed.
#5. Eat and drink the food and beverages my body enjoys.
#6. Pay attention to my food while eating.
#7. Eat slowly and savor each bite.
#8. Stop before my body is "full"

What sticks with me from this lesson is GOD'S LAVISH LOVE and LIVE (and eat) IN PRESENT-TIME.

Anniversary Pictures

We enjoyed a lovely anniversary date yesterday, going to The Olive Garden for dinner and shared the italian feast platter. Mmmm......delicious....and FAR too much food on one platter for even two people I thought! Then we went to a nearby park and had some fun taking pictures. :-) So, here is a glimpse of us just yesterday at 13 years marriage! We still love each other :-) And I got to wear my "dream" dress out for the date. Okay, I know it isn't that fancy, but it was the kind I have been wanting for a few years now! It was the one I picked up at Salvation Army a month or so ago! Also, aren't those amazingly gorgeous roses my husband bought me?! I haven't had flowers like that since....I don't know when!

TW Summer Study - Ready to Plunge Deeper!

I am so thankful for Heidi and her leadership with this new study of "Thin Within". I appreciate her authenticity, transparency and willingness to be vulnerable. She is always such an encouragement and an inspiration.

So I got started on my reading of the book today. I haven't read it for many many months so it feels good to dig back in. I put my walking shoes on and here's where I'm treking....

About the Authors
What stood out for me, as I read this section, was the love and grace of God that is presented to the reader. God has been speaking to my heart on this very topic over the past few months, so this section was a fresh reminder for me. I really appreciated this statement:

His desire is to meet you and overwhelm you with His love poured forth, equipping you to live a life that is pleasing to Him. TW xii

Introduction
The first thing that stood out for me was definitely

"Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare." Isaiah 55:2

Wow, talk about soul satisfaction! And then the statement on that same page "plunge deeper." I love that image! I'm ready to plunge deeper, to find true soul satisfaction in the Lord!

Another thing that stood out to me was the emphasis on there being no self-condemnation in relation to observation and correction. I am feeling challenged to be REALLY honest with myself as of today, with my hunger #'s, with my body's signals. There is no point to hitting myself over the head with the club of condemnation when I stepped outside the 0-5 boundaries. There is no point to fudging the numbers. In doing so I only miss out on a learning opportunity that the Lord has for me. So I committ to being honest with myself and the Lord.

I still feel I have some chains that bind me, so the prayer on page xv echoed my heart's cry, "Open my eyes and release me from the chains that bind me."

Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools.
They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.
Psalm 84:5-7

"As we pass through valleys, deserts, and forests, our God will be our strength and our guide." TW pg xx

Valleys

Deserts

Forests

I know that even over the past year I have experienced each of these places time and time again...but God has been my strength and my guide. And I look forward to continuing the journey, walking in step with His Spirit.

So......my walking shoes are on. I'm ready to plunge deeper!

Happy Anniversary!

Today is Jon and my 13th wedding anniversary. It is amazing how time flies!

I remember the first time I really took note of him way back in 1994. I was out for a walk and saw this young man (whom I had met at the college & career group at church) walking down the street in bare feet with a cordless phone in hand... (I guess he was testing the phone and the distance he could go with it!) I didn't know that he was living just a street over from me so that was the first time it registered with me that he was nearby.


He says he knew I was the girl he wanted to marry when he saw me smile. Aw. What a sweetie. And he proceeded to make the moves pretty fast:-) I was only 18 years old and he was 22 years old, on the lookout for a bride:-)

Before I knew it he was sweeping me off my feet by asking me out on a "date" at 10:30pm one night out to McDonalds for free fries (a perk we got with our university ID card at that time)! What romance!:-) It was a unique first date:-) We certainly had lots of fun.

He told me he loved me within 2 weeks of "dating":-) He was REALLY on the lookout for a bride! Also within the first two weeks of dating he wanted me to learn to cut his hair! LOL I can't believe he actually trusted me with that job! His other longtime female friends had been cutting his hair for the past number of years so they showed me how to cut his hair one evening...and I've done it ever since! That, combined with the McDonald's free fries date, certainly showed me how thrifty he was...a quality I appreciated and still do:-) We work well together in that regard:-)

We enjoyed many walks together, put many puzzles together (there's something so calm and relaxing about doing a puzzle together and just chatting), and spent much time at the university together as we were both in the faculty of education at the time. And we fell in love and really became the best of friends very quickly.

Within 11 months of dating, he popped the question in a very unusual way...

One afternoon he came by with a stuffed teddy bear for me. He didn't usually bear gifts and I was thinking a proposal was coming so I was immediately suspicious. Then he proceeded to tell me that the teddy bear was "defective" (it was supposed to do something when battery powered)! Huh! That's just a strange thing to say! Why on earth would you buy a "defective" bear I wondered!

As soon as he left that day, I immediately went straight to that bear and started to investigate! I went searching for the battery compartment. What I found, with my younger brother right by my side, confirmed my suspicions!! The battery compartment had a piece of masking tape across it and said, "Don't throw out"! Huh!!!!! Something certainly was suspicious!

Of course I proceeded to open it and found a beautiful diamond ring inside! My brother was right beside me the whole time, curious what was going on.....but no Jon right by my side!!!! My mom proceeded to take a picture of me with the ring.

Then I called Jon's place (he lived about 20 minutes away at this point) but he wasn't yet home and I told his roommate "I think Jon just proposed to me!" In other words, Jon was engaged without even knowing it!!!!!


Needless to say we got together that evening and he proposed officially on bended knee...and of course I said "yes":-)

JUNE 1'st 1996


We have shared many happy years together since that time. He is truly my soul mate and my best friend. I thank God for His hand of protection and blessing in our lives. With our young and impulsive natures we could easily have met and married the wrong person I'm sure! But God saved us for each other and put us in each other's paths at precisely the right time...and in the same neighbourhood as well! Little did I know how perfect our match was. Though we both are very different from each other, we really compliment each other and connect on the most important and crucial matters. I'm so thankful for Jon.

The three most beautiful and precious people in my life, thirteen years later.... God certainly is the Giver of good and perfect gifts!


We have lots of fun together, laugh, share, cry, talk, dream...and just love each other. He is an amazing father and husband and most importantly man after God's own heart.

So, on this day, we celebrate 13 years of marriage!