My New Alarm Clock

My husband hates setting the alarm anytime before 7am. Throughout the years I've gone through times when I wanted to get up prior to 7am and have time with the Lord or to fit in some exercise. But I really needed an alarm clock to wake me up, so this has been a problem!

Wednesday I woke up super early (for me) - 5am. I was tossing and turning and just couldn't fall asleep. So finally at 6am I decided I would just have some time with God. What a wonderful time it was!

One scripture that was highlighted in my devotions was,

O Lord, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress. Isaiah 33:2

"Be our strength every morning," kept resonating with me. I just couldn't shake that phrase. I realized that God was impressing on me the importance on spending time with Him first thing in the day. And that got me to thinking that since I have a problem with the physical alarm clock I could instead trust God to be my "alarm clock" each and every morning! So I am now asking the Lord to wake me up at whatever time He thinks I need to get up so I can spend time with Him.

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I went on a search for more scriptures that pertain to seeking God in the morning and here's what I found...

In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.
Psalm 5:3

But I will sing of your strength,
in the morning I will sing of your love;
Isaiah 59:16

But I cry to you for help, O LORD;
in the morning my prayer comes before you.
Psalm 88:13

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
Psalm 90:14

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.
Psalm 143:8

It is good to praise the LORD
and make music to your name, O Most High,
to proclaim your love in the morning
and your faithfulness at night,
to the music of the ten-stringed lyre
and the melody of the harp.
Psalm 92:1-3

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Mark 1:35

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I want to "feast" at the Lord's table in the morning so I can be renewed and refreshed and recharged for a new day walking moment by moment with Him. So I ask Him to wake me up in the morning, to be my "alarm clock"! I think that is pretty cool!

The Lord's Table~Day 3.4,5,6

Day 3 ~ Victory is Here at Last

The emphasis of this lesson was on filling up on God's word. Opening wide our mouths and letting God fill us. Here's a great line,

"The truth is we need to be FAT on Jesus." TLT pg9

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Day 4 ~ Fasting

This was a really interesting lesson. I am definitely being challenged in this area of fasting. I have done it very rarely throughout my christian walk.

I do remember some pretty amazing answers to prayer throughout times of fasting though. Years ago I had felt God compelling me to fast and pray for a day for the unbelieving husband of one of my best friends as his job was on the line. And God miraculously worked the whole situation out that very day! It was so awesome how God got the glory as I had told my friend I was going to take time to fast and pray about their situation. I can clearly see how God has used this pivotal point in his spiritual walk. He's still not surrendered his heart to God...yet he goes to his wife (and me) asking us to pray for things that are a concern to him! He clearly knows that God is answering prayer! And that is pretty cool!

Okay, I digress!

This lesson unpacks some of the the things fasting should NOT be:

• for show

• to draw attention to yourself

• being short-tempered, grumpy throughout

And things fasting SHOULD be:

• in secret
  

• freeing us from bondage, breaking sins power
  

• other centered

• satisfying

• worshipping God

• praying

• confessing sin

• hearing from the Lord

I found this a very thought-provoking and challenging lesson! One that I definitely want to apply on a regular basis in my own life.


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Day 5 ~ Food is Not the Problem
This lesson focuses on how diets aren't the solution to our food and weight loss issues.

Food is not the problem! The problem is indulging the flesh... It is the prayer of the leadership of "The Lord's Table" that your cup is overflowing and that you must drink off the saucer because of it. TLT pg16

Those words paint a pretty neat picture! Drinking off the saucer!!!


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Day 6 ~ Two Kinds of Food
The two kinds are physical and spiritual food. I love one of the verses that was highlighted.

As Jesus was tempted by the devil in the desert He answers, "It is written, 'MAN SHALL NOT LIVE ON BREAD ALONE, BUT ON EVERY WORD THAT PROCEEDS OUT OF THE MOUTH OF GOD.'" Matthew 4:4

This scripture was a good reminder of how Jesus dealt with temptation. And He was pointing directly to the source of true abundant life and satisfaction: GOD!


Now putting my thoughts together....

This study has not miraculously "cured" me of my greed for food! However it has begun to stir a greater desire for filling up on spiritual food - "real food" and "real drink," Jesus Himself! 0-5 eating has not been 100% consistent. Yet there have been shining moments in the past week where I can see some growth and change. Oh to be "fat on Jesus"!

Here are a few things God is impressing on me:

1.) God will be my morning "alarm clock". I'll explain that in my next post!

2.) Memorize scripture while I cook. I will print out verses on index cards and put them in front of me on the kitchen cupboards to study as I prepare foods. I think that may help me keep focused on spiritual food not just simply physical food.

3.) Eating needs to be entirely focused on God the giver of good gifts. Pray for discernment prior to eating and throughout - what to eat, how much, when to stop etc. Invite God into each eating experience. Say a prayer of thank-you to the Lord with EACH bite I take. Prior to each time I eat I think it would be wise to spend a couple minutes in His word and prayer.

4.) Continue taking fast days on a regular basis, with the RIGHT motives and approach that lines up with God's word.

5.) Limit sugars. I can see how much sugars master me. I'm going to aim for one serving per day, possibly equal to about 100 calories (not that I'll be counting really religiously with this, just a ball park aim!). And I need to savour those treats....and also be willing to sacrifice them to the Lord if that is what He calls me to.

Lord I want to further surrender this area to You. I have arrived at a place where eating 0-5 is the norm. Yet my heart is still greedy for physical food. Please change me and cut out the root of sin my heart. In Jesus name, amen.

Counting My Blessings...

Wonderful time with the Lord.
I have to say today was a special day. It is always exciting when God reveals Himself to me in personal ways. Today God showed me how He wants me to be like a well-watered garden. I'm thankful that He is my Gardener:-)

Well-Watered Garden

God has been painting a picture for me today… A picture of a well-watered garden.

First of all I need to start by saying I am as far from having a green thumb as ANYONE could get!!! I seriously am NOT into gardening… Yet I DO greatly appreciate the beauty of a well-kept lush garden. I appreciate all the care and work that some people put into their gardens.

My neighbour always has the most beautiful flowers/plants immaculately lining her yard. I haven’t seen her backyard, but I’m sure it is picture-perfect! She is always careful about making sure they are watered, weeded and cared for.

And then there are the “naturally” watered gardens that God has planted all over the world—beautiful forests and meadows filled with every imaginable flower and tree and grass and on the list goes! I have to say that in all the earth probably one of my favorite spots to be is in a beautiful lush forest! I LOVE the smells, the sounds, the cool refreshing air, the beauty, the quietness... EVERYTHING! It completely lifts my eyes to my Creator!

So I thought I’d research a little bit about why water is so essential to plants. And here is what I found…

* it keeps the plants alive
* assists seed germination
* increases the size of the plants
* dry soil distresses plants, tying up nutrients and killing delicate root tips, removing water from the plants
* light water results in shallow root development for the plants.

Water is clearly essential for life to flourish.

And God impressed on my heart today that He wants *ME* to be like a lush well-watered garden.

The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
Isaiah 58:11

They will come and shout for joy on the heights of Zion;
they will rejoice in the bounty of the LORD
—the grain, the new wine and the oil,
the young of the flocks and herds.
They will be like a well-watered garden,
and they will sorrow no more.
Jeremiah 31:12

And He wants me to deep have roots and bear much fruit.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.
Colossians 2:6-7

And here’s another picture of a garden…

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful…. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:1-2, 5, 7

Hmmm… As I think about the image of God as the Gardener, that’s pretty cool! He is the One who makes sure all my needs are met. He makes sure I get the water, sunlight, pruning, weeding and tending that I need. He knows what is best for me to flourish and grow. His provisions are abundantly evident in each and every blessing that I have the privilege of experiencing and through each and every challenge and trial through which I am shaped and “pruned”.

So often the soil of my heart is dry and parched and needs a good watering from God my Gardener, the only kind that He can provide me with. Far too often I need a good old-fashioned weeding. Boy can those thistles and other stubborn weeds settle into the soil of my heart! I definitely need the expert Gardener if I want to have a well-watered lush garden in my heart!

And as I grow deeper roots new seeds sprout up with new plants and fruit begins to become evident.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 6:22-23

This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. John 15:8

As I “feast” at the Lord’s table, and turn to God for “water” and for “real food” and “real drink” then He will shape me and transform me into His image. It will be evident that I am His disciple.

Now here's a quick snapshot of what life would look like if I was truly exemplifying the fruits of the spirit in my heart and life…

I would love my husband, children, friends, strangers…even enemies…as God first loved me.

I would have joy that would have nothing to do with circumstances and all to do with the Lord.

I would have peace that would transcend understanding. I’m a true worry-wart, so that would be pretty amazing if I could really trust Him more and more fully and rest peacefully in Him and His sovereignty.

I would have patience with my kids!! Add my husband to that list!

I would be kind and good to those around me. Right now I’m thinking even more globally. I know I would be more other-centered, thinking of those in need across the world.

I would be gentle with my kids, gentle with my husband, gentle with my words…

And I would be self-controlled. That means I would not be mastered by anything except Christ. I would be able to say “no” to that extra chocolate calling my name. I'd set appropriate boundaries. I'd eat 0-5 consistently. I’d be able to hold back from saying cutting or inappropriate words. I’d be able to make good use of my time. And it would all be because I’d be remaining in Jesus.

As I look back at all that fruit I have to say THAT garden is awesome! I want THAT! I know there are many studies on the fruits of the spirit (and the other passages of scripture I mentioned) so I’m just touching the tip of the iceberg! But even this short small glimpse of what my life would look like if my soul was like a well-watered garden with God as my Gardener is enough to get me pretty excited!!!

Lord, thank you for “real food” and “real drink” that you offer. I open wide my mouth and want to be filled by You alone. Prune me, cut out all the dead yucky stuff in my heart and life. Convict me I pray. Change me and grow my heart into a lush garden, I pray. In Jesus name, amen.

The Lord's Table~Day 2

Desires of the Heart

Fullness and Satisfaction

Can I identify with eating and not being satisfied? was the first question.

Oh can I ever!!! Even last night I could relate. I went for some popcorn in the evening and it certainly did not satisfy and didn't even feel too good in my tummy.

I find that food definitely does NOT satisfy when used inappropriately. When I go into my binge moments I tend to go far past the place of enjoyment and satisfaction that food brings.

I need to learn yet a bigger lesson though...

Filling up on food (even between 0-5) CANNOT compare to filling up on God.

This lesson focuses on how Jesus' words,

Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him. Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your forefathers ate manna and died, but he who feeds on this bread will live forever." John 6:53-58

I need to feast on REAL food and REAL drink--which is Jesus Himself!

Here's a quick summary of the application suggestions.

#1. If I'm tempted to eat when not physiologically hungry, have a Bible handy nearby that I can pick up and read.

#2. Call out to God for help to be able to turn from food when not hungry.

#3. Print out the following statement:

No food will satisfy my heart nor fill the emptiness in my soul. That is what Jesus Christ is for. He is "real meat" and the "bread of life" and I am to feed on Him.

I continue to cry out to God...

More of You. Less of me.

The Lord's Table~Day 1

After reading Heidi & Paula's posts in regards to The Lord's Table, I felt convicted that I needed to study this material. I ordered the workbook and it arrived in the mail just the other day.

I had read about TLT before and come across their eating plan (liquids, half days, fasting days etc) and had completely disregarded the whole program because it just seemed too regimented and like a "diet."

But then I read that they have optional eating plan #2: GBS--Permission-Based Eating. GBS is short for Growly Belly Syndrome. While I no longer believe I need a rumbly tummy to distinguish whether I'm hungry or not, it is personally my most common signal for true physiological hunger. Putting that aside, I came to see that TLT wasn't going to be going a different direction than TW if I follow the permission-based eating plan.

I love the term "Permission-Based Eating" because of the simplicity of the term!

"Permission-Based Eating = Eating only when our bodies gives us permission to do so (by growling at us)." Mike Cleveland

I believe we can each follow our own personal "bodometer" readings (as TW encourages) to discern whether it is time to feed our bodies or not. It always amazes me how God has designed our bodies to know exactly when and how much to eat! It really and truly flies in the face of the diet industry's (MAN'S) rules and regulations!

Okay, moving onto day one, which I studied today.

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Day 1 ~ Proper Motivation: The Glory of God

My eyes were opened to the fact that my motives for losing/maintaining a reasonable weight get off track. I yo-yo between two ends of the spectrum.

Often-times my main motivation is the *correct* one....to surrender this area to God FOR HIS GLORY ALONE. I desire to cut out the root of sin in my heart, seeking His help and relying on Him and also enjoying increased intimacy with Him! I try to direct all the glory to Him for any successes/victories every chance I get.

Other times I yo-yo to the other end. I want to fit into my "skinny" jeans. I admire my slimmer body. I care more about what I wear. I know that deep down I often want to be noticed, to be thought more attractive, for people to notice I've lost weight and comment.

My heart is convicted. I know my primary motivation needs to be to do all things for HIS GLORY ALONE. I think this is part of the reason I've been yo-yoing around with inconsistent 0-5 eating. I need to focus on the fact that it really and truly should be all about God and NOT about me. I believe the changes WILL stick if I keep my focus on Him. As I deny self and follow 0-5 eating on account of HIM not on account of manipulating my weight so I can "show off" or impress people, then I know that I'll really and truly be a new creation.

Once again...

He must increase. I must decrease.

More of Him. Less of me.

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31

Thin Within~Day 29, 30

I have to admit I'm ending this book at a time that feels far from being a celebration of a changed heart. Instead I have come to the end of this book and been shocked at how wayward my heart can be! It is a good reminder that I must always be vigilant, watchful and prayerful. I don't anticipate this particular struggle will ever be completely gone. I anticipate it is an area that will need to be continually offered up to the Lord in surrender.

That being said, one thing that is very evident, is I can see how many changes HAVE actually taken place in my heart and life since these last weeks have been so *different* then the past 6 months! Does that make any sense? I can see that to be far from conscious eating and even caring about hunger/fullness eating is very different from how I've been living my life since February 2008. I know that is looking at the half full portion of the glass rather then the half empty portion!! Anyways, I do thank God for continuing to convict me and for His faithfulness. I know He is continuing to do a good work in me and will bring it to completion... I feel a great sense of hope and anticipation. I also am overwhelmed by His love, graciousness, mercy, patience, faithfulness and steadfastness.

I started on "The Lord's Table" workbook today. I'm very excited to learn more about "feasting" at the Lord's table! That truly excites me!

Thin Within~Day 28

Today's chapter was dealing with another reason we often get weary...we procrastinate from doing that which God calls us to do.

So often that's me in a nutshell! I get weary just *thinking* about my to-do list and get so overwhelmed I just don't even get started!!! Lately I have been tackling a few things on my to-do list and it has felt good:-) Our laundry room is on the mend, I called a whole bunch of places to update them on some changes to payment methods, I've cleaned out the tupperware cupboard and pots & pans cupboard... You get the picture... It's felt good to get some of those jobs tackled head on. I still have quite a few more on the list though.

I know it is important to keep on top of things around the household because it certainly affects my emotions and "mood" and in turn affects my husband. Just two weeks ago he was feeling frustrated for this very reason. It created quite a bit of tension between us. I was surprised to see how much my "laziness" or procrastinating was affecting him.

The other area I really need to tackle is staying on top of budget updates on a daily basis. I find I keep procrastinating in that area and I know that Jon is depending on me to be responsible in that area.

The other aspect this chapter deals with is being still and reflecting on God and finding rest.

So....today after tackling some laundry and housecleaning, I was going to keep going full throttle and stay busy...and then it hit me.... No, I need to stop, lie down and just pray and rest. So, half an hour later, here I am, feeling much more refreshed and rested and having enjoyed some quiet with the Lord. Feels so much better then staying busy!!!

Here's a quick recap of some of the ways we can experience the rest Christ promises in teh midst of our busy and bustling lives (TW pg296):

#1. By coming to Him when He calls.

#2. By admitting that we are weary and burdened.

#3. By bowing our heads and willingly placing our burdens in His yoke.

#4. By learning from Him.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

Thanks Lord for the rest and peace you offer. Amen.

Thin Within~Day 27

This chapter really struck a chord with me. God knew I needed to read it today! The chapter mainly deals with our time management and directing us to surrender our schedules to the Lord.

When we are weary, we are vulnerable--vulnerable to flesh-filled eating, vulnerable to focusing on performance instead of God's provision, and vulnerable to turning to temporary gratification rather than to the true life-sustaining satisfaction found only in Him. TW pg287

God wants to give us rest...

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Matthew 11:28

I have found myself feeling quite busy this fall...and not all that rested! Maybe it is because I have started working outside the home this year (it's amazing how even 1 1/2 hours each day have stretched me!). Maybe it's because I have increased my # of piano students. Maybe it is because the kids need more hands-on help with school related homework, piano practice, play practice etc. Or maybe it is because I'm simply not making wise use of my time. Or maybe it's just because it is the nature of fall season!

I'm not sure what all the reasons are. But I *DO* know that I feel busy. In response to the reasons for busy-ness listed in TW pg 289-290...

#1. We invest ourselves in things that are not part of God's plan.

I have tried really hard to surrender my schedule and choices to Him. I pray about who He wants me to invest my time into. I pray about what things I get involved in. I should continue seeking Him in this area.

#2. We invest ourselves in godly activities beyond God's plan.

I'm not sure if I'm over-involved in church related activities. I've tried to seek Him in this as well this fall. I've actually "pruned" a lot of things out. I truly want to experience His leading for what I'm involved in. After this christmas play is done (on December 7th) my schedule will certainly free up a lot.

#3. We rely on our own strength rather than God's in doing what He's called us to do.

I may be prone to trying to do it in my own strength. Actually that is likely the case. Too often God gets put on the shelf and I just do things my own way in my own strength, rather then seeking God and asking for His help.

So, what am I taking from this chapter, as I am smack dab in the middle of one of the busiest times of the year???

I need to make sure I take time to be still before the Lord, first and foremost. I need to make sure all my involvements don't lead to me neglecting God's word and time in prayer, being still before Him.

I want to continue praying about each and every thing in my schedule, making each moment count. If I feel each thing on my schedule is within God's will then I will experience greater purpose and passion...and also energy...to fulfill His will and do each and every thing.

I desire to do all things in His strength, not in my own feeble strength.

I often pray before heading to school for lunch supervision or before I teach piano--that God would help me, that He would allow me to be a blessing to the students etc. It sure makes a difference when I invite Him into each of these moments. Right now I'm just sitting here thinking how cool it would be if I would actually sought His help in the midst of the never-ending problem solving issues I have to deal with on the playground. I think it would be really awesome if my first instinct would be to silently pray as I tackle each problem.

I know I need His strength and help with the root of greed and gluttony in my heart. I appreciated Susan sharing about her posture before the Lord each morning as she prayed. I plan to apply this as I remember that God is God and that He is Sovereign and Almighty.

I have to confess that the past number of days I still haven't been all that on track with eating 0-5. I think that the #1 reason is that I just got to feeling too busy. That's why I found the timing of this chapter so interesting.

Here's a neat quote from the Breaking Free study (by Beth Moore) that I'm currently working through...

Life vastly simplifies and satisfaction greatly amplifies when we begin to realize our awesome roles. God is God. Frankly, it's all about Him. Thank goodness, He is the center of the universe. So, how can we live with such a God-centered mentality? Freely! Because with God, it's all about us. We seek to please Him. He seeks to perfect us--and life works. Not without pain, but with purpose. Breaking Free workbook by Beth Moore pg 149

Heavenly Father, I invite You into EVERY part of my heart and life. I pray that all that I think, say and do would be pleasing to You. I want every part of me to be focussed on You, to be God-centered and glorifying to You. I long to experience the rest that You offer so freely as I submit to You. Thank, Lord. In Jesus name, amen.

ThinWithin~Day 24, 25, 26

A few snapshots of what hit me in my readings the past number of days...

Chapter 24 - feel the 0 for awhile before eating. TW pg 260

I am 100% positive the book in NO way encourages anorexic behavior with these words. Rather it is a great reminder to people like me, who struggle with greed and gluttony and ultimately overeating, to not be afraid of the "0" and to really be thankful to be hungry...and then of course to feed my body when it is in need. I just appreciated the reminder that I don't have to instantly jump up and eat the second I feel hunger!

Chapter 25 - determining the purposes for eating with others.

By planning ahead to maintain your boundaries in a social setting, you can take a proactive approach. You can respond, rather than react if you plan in advance. TW pg269

I had some social eating opportunities this past weekend and did not plan appropriately. I ended up eating outside 0-5 unfortunately and didn't practice present time conscious eating. I definitely need to plan in advance more frequently.

Chapter 26 - satisfaction vs gratification

I work quite frequently on gratification. I know that it is temporary. I definitely am longing to find more satisfaction in God during those moments of temptation, rather then food.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

Well, I continue to persevere! I keep on keeping on! I know I've not been in "the" zone lately! But I do keep pressing on. I am thankful that God promises to make me "mature and complete, not lacking anything." How awesome is that!

Counting My Blessings...

Our newest addition to the family~OREO!

We bought another guinea pig in the hopes that Vanilla would enjoy the company of a new friend... Unfortunately we're not sure this is going to happen at the rate they are going! Vanilla is still quite territorial and quite jumpy. Anyways, we're thankful for Oreo:-)

Snowmen.

The kids had so much fun building snowmen at recess today. It was such a joy to spend time with them today. Everyone was so happy. There weren't even wrestling matches to break up! It was wonderful. I'm very thankful to be able to be a part of these fun joyful moments of childhood!

Volunteering.

I'm thankful that I got to volunteer in my eldest daughter's classroom today. It is always great to be in the classroom and feel a part of her life.

ThinWithin~Day 21, 22, 23

I appreciated the emphasis in chapter 21 on the importance of gratitude.

"As we practice gratitude, we find outselves not so focused on ourselves. As we turn our eyes toward God we experience the lifting up of our own eyes." TW pg 227

I want gratitude and joy in the Lord and rejoicing to become the very fabric of my character. I continue to count my blessings :-)

I found the following quote quite thought-provoking...

"We mean an entire surrender of the whole being to God; spirit, soul and body placed under His absolute control, for Him to do with us just what He pleases. We mean that the language of our soul, under all circumstances, and in view of every act, is to be, 'They will be done.' We mean the giving up of all liberty of choice. We mean a life of inevitable obedience. To a soul ignorant of God, this may look hard. But to those who know Him, it is the happiest and most restful of lives. He is our Father, and He loves us, and He knows just what is best, and therefore, of course, His will is the very most blessed thing that can come to us under all circumstances."
Hannah Whittal Smith quoted in TW pg 228

Then more lessons kept popping out at me as I was doing the "Breaking Free" study by Beth Moore. The following statement REALLY resonates:

"If God simply waved a wand over us and broke every yoke without our cooperation do you know what would probably happen? We would soon pick up another. God desires to change us from the inside out--renewing our minds, starving our self-destructive tendencies, and teaching us to form new habits. These results come only to those who learn to walk all over again, this time with their Deliverer."
Beth Moore in "Breaking Free" workbook pg 138

How true!!! I'd say this is what my thin within journey has been all about... God wants to set me free from the bondage of gluttony and greed (and also from an undisciplined loose tongue and laziness and out-of-control emotions). He doesn't want me to pick up another yoke. He really and truly wants to be my Deliverer and set me FREE...by renewing our minds, starving our self-destructive tendencies, and teaching us to form new habits!

The phrase that especially spoke to me was "renewing our minds." A big part of this to me means making sure my beliefs line up with God's truth. This is something that has been hitting me left right and center over the past couple months!

That pertains to just about any beliefs...

• moral ones....what does God's word have to say about this issue?
• self...does what I believe about myself line up with what God thinks about me.
• how I handle situations...line this up with God's word.
• thought life...take thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ.
• beliefs that affect my actions...make sure they line up with God's truth.
• etc....

I have found this incredibly liberating and very encouraging. God's Word is a tool in the face of all of Satan's attacks. And it has certainly encouraged me to use Scripture more frequently and more effectively.

That being said, I long to soak up God's word and keep growing deeper roots. I long to be thirsty and hungry for Him alone. I long to find that satisfaction that only He can offer because He's the only one who really and truly knows what is best for me:-)

My prayers were echoed in the TW chapters I was reading the past few days...

"I want to give myself totally to You as an offering. I pray that You will find my offering pleasing and holy, Lord. I worship You today with my choices. This will include when I start and when I stop eating. Please renew my mind so that I, Christina, can know Your good, pleasing and perfect will." TW pg237

"I pray that I will have a greater desire not only to read Your Word but allow it to be written on the tablet of my heart. As I meditate on Scripture, cause it to satisfy my soul..." TW pg 240

A Quick Update

I made it through the evening without eating, PRAISE GOD! And that was even with Jon eating a big bowl of ice cream right beside me on the couch! I'm thankful that God helped me through. And I definitely love that verse...

He must INCREASE but I must decrease. John 3:30

Thanks Lord for being WILLING to increase in my life!

That's true grace and mercy!

He must increase, I must decrease

I'm sitting here REALLY wanting to dig into a big bowl of butterscotch ripple ice cream with some peanut butter and chocolate chips on top! And I'm also REALLY wanting to surrender to the Lord. So, I'm calling out to Him. I've been trying to distract myself by looking at my TW journey companion's blogs. I've been chatting with my family. Where is the way out????

Then the line from my past blog entry hit me:

He must INCREASE and I must decrease....

This is the reminder I needed right now...

Heavenly Father, I so much want to just dive into that bowl of ice cream. Please help me surrender to Your will right now. Please give me the strength to say "no." Please continue showing me the way out. Thank you Lord. In Jesus name, amen.

Counting My Blessings...

Joy in the midst of suffering.

Last night we had a lady from our church who suffers from multiple schlerosis share at a ladies' evening class. She was diagnosed with MS one year into marriage (in 1995), at the age of 31 yrs (I'm guessing). She went downhill quickly and is now quadrapaligic with only 18% use of her lungs. She had such an amazing testimony.

She started off saying she was perplexed by the topic she was asked to speak on because SHE DOESN'T FEEL SHE IS SUFFERING! It was astounding to hear her say this.

She had us all laughing and crying throughout her whole testimony as she shared how God has changed her and moulded her and how she would not be the person she is today if not for this disease. WOW!

She talked about how her beliefs about herself needed to line up with God's word.

It was a powerful reminder about JOY in the midst of suffering! I thank God forher example. I thank God for the joy that only He can give in the midst of suffering. And I pray that I will be able to rejoice no matter the circumstances just as this dear lady is doing.

Happy sounds of my kids playing.

Today is a day off school for the kids (and me:-)...and it is so wonderful to hear them happily playing together. The above picture is from when they were younger. They have enjoyed each other's company from such a young age! What a blessing! I've got to treasure these moments:-)

ThinWithin~Day18, 19, 20

I know my blog hasn't been exactly active the past week or so! And also not exactly positive, upbeat and motivating! But I'm still here. And I know this is part of the journey. I will have my valleys and times where I take a detour from God's path...and then, praise be to God for His faithfulness and grace, I am able to get back on His path. I'm committed to this process, through its ups and downs. As Susan so aptly wrote here,

I have finally (after years of going around the same woodshed) come to the realization that this journey is not going to end in my lifetime. And for the first time I am ok with that. Because the journey in learning to be a thin eater really mirrors my journey into being transformed into His likeness.

THIS I can relate to. THIS is why I don't give up.

And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18

So onto my TW readings. Here's a quote that struck me...

When we acknowledge that we have chosen to do what is right in our own eyes, such as eat that third donut, we have made a choice in the flesh. We stand in agreement with God and confess that we have made a DETOUR from the path of God's provision. If our hearts are open to Him, we will see that the scenery is much grander back on His path. So we humbly admit to Him that we have wandered off the road. This is the first step of repentance. TW pg194

I have definitely been taking a detour the past couple weeks. I slipped
down the slippery slope and found myself in the muck and mire...or more rightly, in a pile of candy wrappers and other sugary treats, gluttonous and greedy for food.

Following up an exercise in Chapter 19 on pg 198:

"I choose to receive Your (God's) forgiveness for myself for..."

...my willful rebellious detour the past few weeks. I can see that ever since July, when my weight settled into my BMI zone, that I have allowed food to once again increase in importance. I have not fully surrendered to You. Please forgive me. Help me not "play" thin and surrendered...but actually BE surrendered to You on the INSIDE. No acting. No following a fixed formula. No pushing the boundaries. Help me be surrendered. I thank You for Your forgiveness. Amen.

I found it interesting to note the shift in my attitude towards food, eating & surrender since early summer. (That's nearly 5 months already! How crazy is that!!)

Would I be willing to once again leave the best bite on my plate as a sacrifice to the Lord?

Would I be willing to skip dessert if I'm already at a #5?

And then I had a verse hit me yesterday as I pondered "more of Him and less of me."

He must increase, but I must decrease. John 3:30

And then I read a quote from Mike Cleveland in "The Lord's Table" (as highlighted in Heidi's post.)

Overeating is defined as continuing to eat past the point of receiving all we need to sustain our lives.

How often do I push the boundaries, eating so much beyond what is needed to sustain my life?

How often do I push God to the side and take first place and do things MY own way?

He must increase, I must decrease.

For me to turn down the extra candy bars I'm craving, to not have dessert because I'm already satisfied, to not take that extra serving of pizza, to not munch on something just because I feel like it....is for me to decrease and HIM to increase! Because in all honesty I can't do this on my own in my own strength. He will HAVE to increase if I'm to have victory in this area.

So I offer ALL of me to the Lord. There are many areas besides eating and gluttony that I need to surrender to the Lord: laziness, thoughts that aren't pleasing to God, my words/speech, my attitudes...

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. Romans 12:1-2

More of Him. Less of me. He must increase. I must decrease.

Sit down, Slow down, Savour

Three "S" 's! I was doing a bit of observing and correcting with today's supper meal and noticed that the three areas I needed to zone in on all started with "S"! I know that I passed the #5 threshhold due mostly in part to failing to adhere to the keys to conscious eating, in particular: sitting down, slowing down and savouring.

So, I seek to surrender to my Savior and sit down, slow down and savour all that God has to offer (including food) in God's strength:-)

Posting a reminder for myself...

Keys to Conscious Eating:
1. Eat when my body is hungry ("0").
2. Eat in a calm environment by reducing distractions.
3. Eat when sitting.
4. Eat when my body and mind are relaxed.
5. Eat and drink the things my body enjoys.
6. Pay attention to my food while eating.
7. Eat slowly, savoring each bite.
8. Stop before my body is full ("5").

Hmmm.... I just noticed that my last post also started with "S"! Slippery Slope! Something strange going on:-)

Counting My Blessings...

Snow.
We woke up to everything covered in white! Winter has come! And it's beautiful:-)

Winter jackets.
I'm very thankful for a nice warm winter coat, scarf, mitts and boots! Being warm. That's something to be thankful for.

Remembrance Day service at school.

The students at my children's school held their remembrance day service today. It was a beautiful service centered around the theme "Grateful to be a Canadian." My daughter had many parts in the program--singing in the choir, a small group solo and also playing on the "xylophone"-style instruments. I was just so proud of her, as I saw her using her musical gifts for such good. Her whole face glowed and it was such a joy to see her bobbing up and down (the only one in the choir doing that!) during the music! I could tell she was joyful:-)

Freedom.

I'm thankful for our freedoms. I don't take the choices we have for granted.

Slippery Slope

I've been off track the last few days, ever since halloween. It seems I slipped down the slippery slope of candy and junk.

I would like to get to the bottom of why I let myself slip and slide at times like this. It's not like I don't allow myself candy or chocolate other times of the year. It certainly shouldn't be a deprivation thing!

I need to get to the bottom of this before the christmas season hits! I'll be tested all over again and slide down the slippery slope if I don't figure this out and fully surrender this to the Lord!

I need God to once again lift me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire and set my feet on a rock, giving me a firm place to stand. (Psalm 40:2)

Give me Jesus

This song has often been played during our church services and has ministered to me many times over the years.


"Give me Jesus" by Fernando Ortega

Counting My Blessings...

Laundry!

I'm notorious for not keeping up with the laundry--dirty and clean. But what a blessing it is to even have clothes. What a blessing it is to have a washer/dryer to keep them clean. Okay, with that being said I really should go manage my mountains of laundry...with a grateful heart:-)

The sound of geese flying south.

It's neat how God created them to know when to head south.

The smell of fresh fall air.

Spectacular blue skies with puffy white clouds.

A whole bunch of things...

I'm thankful for...

• today.
• a thought-provoking sermon in church this morning.
• family.
• our new pet.
• beautiful weather.
• an awesome husband.
• a great time of learning at the church this evening, as we learned about the joy of being a helpmate to our husband.
• good nutritious food.
• good health.
• the beautiful smiles of my children.
• that my youngest daughter got dressed on HER OWN this morning without any battles!!!
• God's grace.
• that God has lifted me out of that slimy pit, the muck and the mire.
• His faithfulness.
• His righteousness
• His holiness.
• His love.

Thin Within~Day 17

Today's chapter emphasized the need for gratitude. I love this quote:

As we continue to be thankful to the Lord, we discover that the shackles of self-preoccupation and greed begin to fall away, that our incessant need or want for more food begins to diminish. TW pg 174-175

I want this to become a more natural habit, for gratitude to be foremost in my heart and mind at all times. My Counting my Blessings blog is intended for this very purpose. I want to post there more regularily, even about things that are seemingly mundane and ordinary.

I'm thankful for today. I'm thankful for a thought-provoking sermon in church this morning. I'm thankful for family. I'm thankful for our new pet. I'm thankful for beautiful weather. I'm thankful for an awesome husband. And I'm thankful for a great time of learning at the church this evening, as we learned about the joy of being a helpmate to our husband. I'm thankful for good nutritious food. I'm thankful for good health. I'm thankful for the beautiful smiles of my children. I'm thankful that my youngest daughter got dressed on HER OWN this morning without any battles!!! I'm thankful for God's grace. I'm thankful that God has lifted me out of that slimy pit, the muck and the mire. I'm thankful for His faithfulness. I'm thankful for His righteousness and holiness. I'm thankful for His love.

Okay, I wasn't even planning going there...but it just seemed fitting:-)

Today went well in regards to eating. I am thankful that God provided me with the strength I needed to stay within the boundaries of hunger and fullness and also helped me make some good discerning choices in regards to food. I still had a bit more sugar then I would want on a regular basis...but it wasn't out of control and I didn't feel mastered by it. For this I'm thankful to God.

Eating today:

0-5 at 8:30am

0-5 at 11:30am (I had some lunchtime dessert about an hour after I ate my main course)

0-5 at 5:00pm

Thin Within~Day 16

First of all, pertaining to the chapter, I'll recap some of the answers I've previously typed up for the significant times exercise in this chapter (sorry for repeating myself to those who've already read these answers before!)...


Significant Time #1 – Major relocation
Where were you?
Moved back to Canada (parents were missionaries overseas)
Who was with you?
My family
How did you feel?
Lonely, lost, bitter
Was there a shift in your weight as a result of this incident?
Yes. I gained 45lbs from grade 7 (the year I moved) to grade 9.
What decisions did you make as a result of this incident?
Food changes, eating habits changed. I no longer was under the rules of dorm life and had the freedom to snack when I wanted on what I wanted etc.
Did your self-esteem increase or decrease?
Decreased a little, but then that is probably normal in the teen years! But I still had a fairly healthy self-esteem.
How did this incident affect your view of God?
Drew me closer to God.


Significant Time #2 - Marriage
Where were you?
Current city
Who was with you?
Jon, my husband
How did you feel?
Happy, loved, really enjoying being a homemaker, loved experimenting with cooking and baking.
Was there a shift in your weight as a result of this incident?
Yes. I gained 25lbs in the first year of marriage.
What decisions did you make as a result of this incident?
With baking, baking, baking came lots of eating!!! I no longer had ANY rules to live by as I could buy/eat whenever/whatever I wanted. I also was eating in sync with my husband's BIG appetite! I could easily eat as much as him, unfortunately.
Did your self-esteem increase or decrease?
Neither.
How did this incident affect your view of God?
Didn’t affect.


Significant Time #3 – Pregnancy #2
Where were you?
Here in our current home.
Who was with you?
family
How did you feel?
A bit out of control with eating, uncomfortable, had morning sickness, loved being able to eat, eat, eat for two!
Was there a shift in your weight as a result of this incident?
Yes. I gained nearly 50lbs in my second pregnancy and not only was left with a stubborn extra 10lbs postpartum, but also began to struggle with yet more weight gain in the years that followed.
What decisions did you make as a result of this incident?
I felt like the pregnancy was licence to eat as much as I wanted. Morning sickness also made me always question whether I was hungry. My greed for food came back full force.
Did your self-esteem increase or decrease?
Neither.
How did this incident affect your view of God?
Didn’t affect.


The following quote was in today's chapter... I really needed to read this today.

As we have seen in previous days, no failure, mistake, or sin is beyond God's ability to redeem. It is in this place that you can see just how much you need Him and just how capable He is to meet all your needs. TW pg164

That being said, I have to confess that yesterday I *DID NOT* follow God's leading of being surrendered and obedient to the boundaries He had convicted me to errect. I gave my day to the Lord and started out walking in surrender and was well aware that Satan would be out to destroy and steal, that he would be the "thief." I knew he would be prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. I knew all this and yet was not self-controlled and alert. I did not resist the devil.

My eating went smoothly up until after dinner. I had a moderate amount of sweets while our friends were at our place. But then after they left I was craving some relaxing time with some sweets (and popcorn) in hand. And that is when things got completely out of control as I binged on candy bars. I find it really hard to use the word *binge*....but that is truly what it was.

As I step back and observe (and certainly confess to the Lord) I can see that the slippery slope started when I took those extra treats after our friends left. Once again it is one of my usual triggers--I usually want to sit back, relax and enjoy some sweets after all the work of hosting company. I've pinpointed this before. I need to pre-plan for these "trials," and watch and pray, looking for the Lord's provisions rather then giving into my flesh machinery.

So, I move forward. I look to the Lord to pick me up out of the slimy pit...

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. Psalm 40:2

Here's my eating log for today:

0-4 at 1:15pm (hungry at 12noon)
0-5 at 5:30pm (hungry 3:00pm but waited until I got to my parent's place for dinner)