Thin Within~Day 15

First of all, in regards to today's chapter, this link recaps the "first meal of the rest of your life".

This stood out in particular...

Ask God to help you honor the body He has given you by maintaining the appropriate boundaries. TW pg154

BOUNDARIES

Then in my quiet time I was reading (in reference to end times):

If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. Matthew 24:43

Today is halloween. I know there are many differing beliefs as to whether to participate in this day or not... Regardless, there is probably an excess amount of sweet treats in just about everybody's houses at this time of year. The candy companies know how to market their products!

With lots of treats comes lots of temptations for me...

I *know* what time the "thief" is coming--it's NOW! I don't want the thief to break in and steal and destroy all that God has been doing in my heart and life. I want to be on watch and prayerful. I want to have appropriate God-inspired boundaries in place and ready.

I gave this to the Lord first thing in the morning. I have been offered chocolates at work, then leftover pizza slices... And I know the "assault" of temptations will continue! But I am going to stand firm, watch and pray. Thank you Lord for helping me through all the temptations I've already faced...and the ones I know I will soon be facing.

So I aim to wait for hunger for my lunchtime meal. I want to continue following the guidelines described in the "first meal of the rest of your life" exercise. And tonight, after supper and when the treats start to come into the house in excess...I choose to give it to the Lord and eat in moderation. And those prayers will need to continue for the whole weekend and then the upcoming weeks as candy will still be around the house!

My eating log today (so far):

0-5 at 8:45am

0-5 at 1:30pm

0 at 4:45pm (waiting for supper with friends before heading out trick or treating)

0-5 at 5:30pm

4-9/10 late evening

My new home...

I hope this move goes smoothly:-)

I chose my original blog address mythinwithinjourney.blogspot.com without much thought at all. It was my first-ever blog and I was quite clueless and felt pressure to quickly figure out a name! I feel this new title better describes my journey and leaves this blog a bit more wide open to posts that pertain to things other then the Thin Within book. That being said, I think the majority of what I ramble about WILL deal with thin within content and the journey that it has prompted.

Sooooo....welcome to my new home!!!

Thin Within~Day 14

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Romans 12:1

I'm to offer my body as a LIVING SACRIFICE to God...

What does that mean?

It comes down to surrendering ALL OF ME to the Lord.

I wonder if I'm trying to hold anything back from the Lord. Am I trying to hide anything from Him?

I know at times I hold on tightly to my selfish desires in regards to eating. I *want* more chocolate. I *want* to eat now. I don't *want* to stop. I need to be willing to do what He wants me to do, to give up what He wants me to give up, to be what He wants me to be.

I was reading Matthew 23 today and it zoned in on the hypocrisy of the Pharisees and teachers of the law.

You give a tenth of your spices... But you have neglected the more
important matters of the law--justice, mercy and faithfulness.

You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.

You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones.

I want to be REAL with both God and with others. I don't want the outside to be looking in perfect order while on the inside I a mess and living for self. I desire to have a heart surrendered fully to God. I want to be concerned with more then just rules and want to go straight to what matters to most to God. I want to clean the inside of the cup so that the outside will also be clean. I want to clear out the dead bones inside the whitewashed tombs and unwrap the grave clothes.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

Here's my eating log for today (so far):

0-5 at 10:45am (hungry at 10:15am)

0-3 at 3:00pm

0-5 at 5:00pm

3-3 at 8:00pm
Note: I just took a few sample bites of a chocolate chip cookie I was baking for my daughter's class party tomorrow. I am longing to eat some more chocolate bars...but I surrender this longing to Jesus. I know He is providing something even better for me that will satisfy me yet more!

Counting My Blessings...

Our new pet.

I'm thankful for this cute little creature, our new guinea pig named Vanilla Caramel. She sure is adorable and I think will be a good addition to our family as our first ever pet!

Thin Within~Day 13

The intimacy God wants to share with us increases as we release to Him our unmet needs and our expectations of others and ourselves. It occurs by degrees as we surrender our mind, emotions, and will to Him. It occurs in obedience to His will as we look to Him moment by moment for inspiration and accept His equipping and His empowerment. He intends that His grace should infuse every aspect of our lives. TW pg 131

Only God can truly satisfy my every need. THIS God--my Creator, my Savior, my Father--is so trustworthy and faithful and WORTH surrendering all to! The following song has been quite instrumental in my journey over the past number of months.

"Nothing Else" by Matthew West



I made it through last night without munching, praise God! Once I got here and posted, I was able to step back and really see all that God was providing for me in that moment. I enjoyed the company of my husband, Jon. I snuggled with our new pet, Vanilla. I chatted on the phone to a dear friend. Thanks Lord!

In regards to exercise...
I think exercise just may become my November goal! I'm not sure what's going on. I have been "off" the exercise bandwagon for the past 1 1/2 months after faithfully enjoying exercise for about 6 months. I think it is just part of the adjustment to new routines in fall. I know I'll get back to a "good" place with all this once again.

In regards to eating...
Here's the rundown of my eating for today so far:

0-5 at 8:30am
0-5 at 1:00pm
0-3 at 5:00pm
0-5 at 6:30pm

I felt like I wasn't quite as mastered by sugar today. That will continue to be my prayer. I've also sought to be intentional at each eating occasion, inviting God into it and asking for His guidance and help.

Well, that's it for today:-)

I feel like...

...eating my way through a box of halloween chocolates!!!
Okay, I have been munching on sugary dessert treats for too extended of a time after the supper. Gotta stop NOW! I am feeling tired and wanting to sit back and relax and enjoy and savour something sweet NOW.

The reason this became a problem is that I ate my entire supper on the run, eating for the sake of eating (which was necessary) as I had to rush out of the house to play practice 15 minutes after I concluded my last piano lesson.

Soooo...lesson learned is I need to be a CONSCIOUS eater! In hindsight I wish I had just eaten a reasonable portion of the main course to maybe a #4 (being more conscious throughout that meal) and then enjoyed my sweet treat (in a more moderate amount) after I got back, after the kids were in bed, when I could really savour the treat... That time would be about right *now*!

But I have already had enough and stopped and thought about "renewing" of my mind as I had posted today. I need to find satisfaction in something other then food right about now.

And I will:-) I'm here on my blog, writing out my feelings, which is satisfying. I have invited God into this moment. I will sit back and relax and visit with my husband. Maybe I'll watch a TV show. I don't know yet....but I choose to find enjoyment and relaxation in something other then food right now.

Lord, I give you these emotions right now. I recognize that my flesh longs to do what I know is not your will. I know you have equipped me with all I need and I pray that I would walk on this path of your provision right now. Amen.

Thin Within~Day 12

Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? 1 Corinthians 3:16

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31

Since my body is God's temple and I am called to glorify Him with it....

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

I need to "renew" my mind so that I can "test" and "approve" what God's will is.

So how do I "renew" my mind? Chapter 12 outlines many different things in regards to legalism and grace and who we are in Christ. I think the following quote sums up what what I need to zone in on...

"In Christ" I am inspired by His Spirit to will and to work for His good pleasure (Ephesians 1:9).
"In Christ" I am equipped for whatever He calls me to do, and I am empowered to fight the good fight, holding on to faith and a good conscience (1 Timothy 1:18-19)
"In Christ," I eat only when I am truly hungry and I stop before I am
full. I am not obsessed by counting calories or fat grams. As I eat, I praise God for His goodness. I am free, no longer a slave to sin (Romans 6:6). I am raised up to live a new life of glorious freedom (Romans 6:4). I praise and glorify Christ, not myself. I love practicing the presence of God, walking in fellowship with Him moment by moment. It is truly the icing on the cake that I am releasing weight as well. TW pg122-123

Yesterday I highlighted that I was going to invite God into each meal experience and ask Him show me when and help me stop. So far so good. What a great God we have! I am so thankful for how He cares about these seemingly "mundane" details of life! I will continue with this prayer.

In addition I want to focus on gratitude and practicing His presence each and every moment...as I know I've written countless times on this blog! Once again I'm a broken record, aren't I? :-)

The neat thing is that I know God has been "transforming" me and growing me in quite specific ways for this season of my life... It's interesting looking back over the past year and seeing how He slowly but surely continually nudges me to grow in this area. He doesn't give up on me when I don't progress. His Spirit just keeps on convicting and gently speaking to me. Thanks Lord for Your patience and faithfulness with me!

Here's my exercise (still not squeezing that in) and eating log for today so far:

Exercise: x

Eating:
0-5 at 8:30am
0-5 at 1:00pm
0-5 at 6:20pm

Thin Within~Day 11

Today feels like a bit of a blur! I was volunteering at school in the morning and then did my lunch supervision job. When I got home I got to work getting Vanilla's, our new guinea pig, cage cleaned up. After the kids and Jon got home we all got busy making a bigger home space for Vanilla and just getting acquainted with her. And then there was teaching a piano lesson, homework, christmas drama line practice, reading etc...

And that brings me to now:-)

I can't say I've been living moment by moment practising the Lord's presence. It's hard to remember to be mindful of Him each and every moment of each day...taking captive each and every thought. I long and pray for this.

Today's chapter is a great one! I have learned much from this chapter on many different occasions.

The part that resonated with me today was how it highlighted our thought pattern of thinking"This is my body, and I can do with it as I please." Sadly this didn't hit me when I needed it most... I am thinking about this in hind sight, after digging into too many Halloween chocolates. I didn't eat past #5, but at the same time believe I could easily have been satisfied with less if I had just sought the Lord's will and direction and looked to Him for strength and power.

So, that is my goal for tomorrow... Make sure I invite the Lord into each meal and ask Him to show me when to stop and also to help me stop. I feel like a bit of a broken record as I know I've made this my aim many times... I find it really tough to do!

Here's my exercise and eating log for today:

Exercise: still x

Eating:
0-5 at 8:30am
0-5 at 1:00pm
0-5 at 5:00pm

Thin Within~Day 10

Lots of great quotes in this chapter!

I'm not a failure, but a work in progress. TW pg 95

Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing. TW pg 95

The real question is not whether you are going to fail, but rather how you will respond when you do. TW pg 100

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such
opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3

Today went so-so. I felt discouraged that I was so mastered by sugar today. I know that my food choices were not the wisest today... On the positive note though I did stay within 0-5 with God's help.

Exercise: x

Eating:
0-4 at 8:45am
0-5 at 11:00am
0-5 at 4:00pm

And on a side note... We added a new member to our family today--Vanilla Caramel the guinea pig!

It was all quite spontaneous and unplanned. Vanilla is our first "real" pet (our last one was a fish)...and we got her for free through an ad on the internet! We have no clue how to care for this creature! So we have some research to do! Hopefully the night goes smoothly. It feels a bit like the first night we had our oldest daughter home from the hospital on the day she was born!

Thin Within~Day 9

God uses each and every experience of our lives to shape us. I am reminded of the image of the front and back side of a tapestry. As one friend pointed out recently the underside of the tapestry looks like a mess of threads going in directions that seem to make no sense at all! There are many colors of threads....and it just doesn't seem to make sense why there would be BLACK thread visible... Yet each and every color, woven in this precise fashion, is needed to make the beautiful front side of this tapestry. Even the black (symbolic of difficulties and trials) is needed to make the tapestry the masterpiece that it is!

Often life just doesn't make sense. Often it takes a long time before we begin to get a glimpse of the bigger picture, of the tapestry of our life that God is weaving. Many people experience deep valleys which seem to make no sense... But God will use all this to shape us, maturing and equipping us.

I appreciate this quote from Joni Eareckson Tada:

God uses suffering to purge sin from our lives, strengthen our committment to Him, force us to depend on grace, bind us together with other believers, produce discernment, foster sensitivity, discipline our minds, spend our time wisely, stretch our hope, cause us to know Christ better, make us long for truth, lead us to repentance of sin, teach us to give thanks in times of sorrow, increase faith, and strengthen character. TW pg 88

And the verse that has been in my thoughts and prayers so often lately, highlighted once again in this chapter....

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

I am so thankful that God has a purpose in all things.

Here are a few of my own life challenges that I highlighted when I first started my blog:

1.) Boarding school for my elementary school years.
It had it ups and downs. I felt fears and resentment at times. The experience nurtured me socially and has been used by God to make me into the person I am today. Having spent so much time with my peers during those growing up years has definitely shaped my approach to socializing in the present.

2.) Moving back to Canada at 12 years old.
I felt bitter and alone. As a result I made new friends, adjusted to Canada at a much earlier age then other MK friends of mine, which is a blessing in disguise! It has also spurred me on to befriend others as I understand what it feels like to be the "new" person!

3.) My daughter had Kawasaki Disease at age 3.
It was a heart wrenching time and I cried out to God more then I ever have in my life as her life hung in the balance. As a result I experienced greater intimacy with God, saw prayers answered and can now empathize better with others in similar situations.

4.) And now I can also add this weight struggle to the list!
Nearly a year has gone by since I first picked up a copy of this TW book. As I posted yesterday, many changes have taken place since last October! I have been overweight for most of my teenage/adult years... Yet it is through this "struggle" that I am growing spiritually...and have "shrunk" physically:-) Praise God for that!

Now onto today...

Christmas drama practice started at 8:30am. I wasn't hungry when I headed out so I just brought along an easy breakfast to eat when I got hungry, which worked well for me. Then the afternoon was tiring as I went shopping... I'm *not* a fan of shopping...especially on a Saturday afternoon! Anyways, I got through it! When I got home I was quite tired, hungry and grouchy...which was disappointing as I have been feeling challenged to not only surrender my eating, but also my emotions. So my family walked on eggshells for most of supper...and I knew I really needed to turn over a new leaf and offer them sincere appologies...so I did. The day has ended on a good note, for which I'm thankful:-)

Here's my exercise and eating log for today...

Exercise: x (I know I need to get moving this week!)
Eating:
0-3 at 8:45am
0-5 at 12:45pm
0-6 at 5:45pm

I was thinking about 0-5 eating today. I was thinking how I have realized my need to surrender each and every moment to the Lord in regards to eating. I continue to consider each and every 0-5 eating experience a huge victory! As I drove home from shopping this afternoon and felt my tummy rumble at about 4:30pm...I immediately started praising God and thanking Him for allowing me to feel this hunger and thanking Him for providing for my needs. I don't take this for granted as I have spent so much of my life NOT following 0-5 eating.

Okay, enough rambling from me tonight! I'm off to bed :-)

Thin Within~Day 8

I have to confess I've been stepping on the scale quite frequently lately... So much for being ready to let go of it!!! Anyways, I'm still in a ker-fuddle (let's make that a word!) about what to do about the whole scale thing! The main thing is I can tell when it is controlling my emotions--good or bad... And it hasn't been doing that lately for me.

The reason I bring this up is that I'm beginning to think that my weight just may settle in around the 150/151 lbs mark and I REALLY NEED TO BE OKAY WITH THAT!!! I think I'm beginning to accept that. I have been pretty consistent with 0-5 eating and can see myself maintaining this way of eating for life... Everytime I step on the scale lately it has been 151 lbs... So, maybe it is time to let go of the goal to be in the 140's... A thought for me to prayerfully ponder....

Back to the topic of day 8... Everytime I read my TW book I highlight/underline things with a different colored pen/pencil. I also write at the top of each chapter which day I've read it (in the corresponding color for that reading).

So, for example, first time I marked in pencil, second time in pink pencil crayon, third time in red pen, fourth time in blue pen, fifth time in black pen, sixth time in green pen, seventh time in purple pen and now the eighth time (!) in orange pen!!! The reason I bring this up is that as I look over all the markings, words scribbled in the margins, words/verses underlined I can see where God was speaking to me each and every time. Kind of neat:-)

All I can say is that my book is FULL of markings!!! Praise the Lord for continuing to teach me! Ohhhhh, do I ever have so much learning to do!!! I'm also overwhelmed with thankfulness for this TW book which God has used in big ways in my life, drawing me closer to Him and helping me surrender to Him a bit more each day and also helping the roots of my faith deepen and spread out.

Anyways, the verse that stood out for me from today's reading was:

But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be
rewarded. 2 Chronicles 15:7

And also....

For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. 2 Chronicles 16:9a

I'm not giving up! I'm keeping on keep on! (one of my favorite lines lately:-)

And how is God rewarding all this "work"?

With a deeper, stronger faith.

With increased intimacy and closeness with Him.

With a greater sense of trust and willingness to surrender my life to Him.

With a greater understanding and ability to use/pray Scripture.

With a clearer understanding that it's not MY work but HIS work! He's the one who equips me with all that I need. He's the one who strengthens me. He's the one who pours out love and grace in my life so freely. And He's the one who has released this weight from my body.

And the list could go on and on...

Wow! As I type this up I just feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude to God for all His provisions.

Thanks Lord!

I also know that God has provided me with lots of ways out of temptation... He could use many of the following choices (this is from an older post)...

1.) Take a nap when I'm tired.
2.) Lie down and shut my eyes and meditate on the Lord, be quiet before Him and acknowledge His presence and also His promises to help and strengthen me.
3.) Stop, watch and pray.
4.) Delay and put off giving in to the temptation at hand.
5.) Put some God-honoring music on.
6.) Crack open the Bible. God may speak to me in that very moment through scripture.
7.) Call a friend.
8.) Write out what I'm feeling. Maybe I could delay by coming straight to this blog and typing out what I'm feeling in that moment. This may be the way out that God is providing me at that very moment.
9.) Make a cup of hot herbal tea (no sugar/cream) and savour the flavor and aromas, curl up and relax.
10.) Get busy with something else--reading, crafts, watch a t.v. show, go for a walk, read a story to the kids, chat with my husband, go on the computer etc.
11.) A hot bath may be just what I need in that moment...plus it would help me delay (aka stop), relax some tired muscles, be quiet, and pray.

And there are probably many more ways.... :-)

Thank you Lord for Your provisions.

Exercise and Eating Log for today...

Exercise: x

Eating:
0-3 at 8:45am
0-4 at 10:45am
0-5 at 1:30pm
0-5 at 5:15 pm (out for dinner--munching started at this time)
4-5 at 8:15pm (I ate a bit more dessert when we got home)

Counting My Blessings...

Wonderful time of prayer with a friend.

It was awesome to have an unhurried time of prayer with a good friend today. I don't know how else to express it! I just am thankful that we could come before God and enter His presence and pour out our hearts and seek Him. Thanks Lord!

Thin Within~Day 7

I loved the verse that was highlighted in this chapter...

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

This is definitely an encouragement to me:-)

Yesterday went so-so in regards to eating. Just when I think I'm doing well (path of my performance) then my sinful nature rears its head! Breakfast and lunch meals were eaten at clear "0"s and I didn't feel I was being greedy for food. However, at supper, the pumpkin pie I had baked definitely tempted me and I know I ate too much. I kept taking a sliver and then another sliver and then another sliver.... You get the picture! And I was being willfully rebellious too... Then about an hour or so later I was serving my kids a bedtime snack and the apples they were munching on looked so yummy...and I reached for one too, knowing I was outside the boundaries of 0-5 eating... Anyways, today is a new day. I'm pushing the restart button and fixing my eyes on Jesus.

So, here's my exercise and eating log for yesterday:

Exercise and Eating Log

Exercise: x

Eating:
0-5 at 8:45am
0-5 at 1:45pm (hungry at 1:15 though)
0-6 at 5:00pm
3-4 at 7:30pm

Counting My Blessings...

Work (lunch monitor job) went better today.
I'm thankful that things went smoothly today. I keep having a hard time sleeping at night as I bring the work back home with me (emotionally that is). I prayed about the situation I knew I had to deal with today and a close friend also was praying for me...praise God for answered prayer! Things went better then I'd imagined they would!

Great family time tonight.
We had fun just hanging out, reading "Anne of Green Gables", practiced the church's christmas drama lines (really dramatically which brought lots of laughter to us all), played some games and just had a great time together. I am thankful for these moments!

Thin Within~Day 6

I made it through the munchie mood when I hit my emotional low today. Thanks to those of you who prayed. I'm thankful to God for answered prayer and helping me. Interesting timing as today's chapter hit on "fat machinery." I'm more prone to eating outside 0-5 when I'm tired or emotionally drained. I'm glad I had pre-planned and thought of some ideas for possible "escapes" from temptation as listed in this previous post. Praying and posting to my blog and then calling my mom and dad (not in regards to this, but just to chat) were all part of God's provisions for me in that moment of temptation. Thanks, Lord!

I hope and pray that I will be able to continue tackling temptation with His provisions, rather then floundering around in my own weakness.

Here's how it's going with my "top ten goals" in the past two days...

#1.) Spend time in daily TW reading and devotions each day. YES
#2.) Spend at least 10 minutes in focussed prayer each day. YES
#3.) Eat 0-5 consistently. YES
#4.) Practice eating the "first meal of the rest of your life" on a regular basis by using the keys to conscious eating. YES
#5.) 20 minute cardio exercise 3-4x each week. YES
#6.) Get into bed, lights out by 10:30 pm each weeknight. YES
#7.) Spend time with each family member doing something meaningful--both my girls and my husband. YES
#8.) Each day do a 5 minute clutter tackle. NO
#9.) Each day count a blessing. YES
#10.) Spend 15 minutes each day encouraging a friend--either by email, phone call or a card or note. YES

And here's my exercise & eating log for the day...

Exercise: 30 minutes brisk walk

Eating:
0-4 at 9:45am
0-5 at 2:00pm
0-5 at 6:45pm

Well that's it for me tonight :-)

Counting My Blessings...

God gave me the words....
I'm thankful that the Holy Spirit gave me the words (and scripture) I needed to say today as I visitted a friend (of a different religion) who is grieving the recent loss of a baby.

I praise You, God, for answered prayer. Thank you Lord that I was able to be your instrument today. I know that I am weak and really can do nothing in my own ability, but you are able to use me for your purposes as I make myself willingly available! What an amazing thing is that!!!! And thank you for beginning to unfold your vision for my life one bit at a time. In Jesus name, amen.

I feel like eating to stuff my emotions...

AAHHH! Right now I just feel like eating to stuff my frustrated emotions after a tough lunch supervision. I have called out to the Lord for help. And I had came up with writing here as a possible escape/exit from this temptation.

I have such up and down days with this job. I feel so incompetant some days as my authority seems to mean nothing to some kids. I have trouble knowing how to deal with my *own* kids sometimes...let alone ones with lots of baggage and family issues and rebellious attitudes!

Anyways, that's where things are at. I'm frustrated. I feel incompetant. I feel disrespected. I feel clueless. I feel ill equipped for this job. Raw emotions.

And I lift it all up to the Lord.

Thin Within~Day 5

This chapter zoned in on how we are fearfully and wonderfully made by God. I also noticed a number of references to being a work in progress, which spoke to my own personal TW journey and the message that God spoke to me almost a year ago.

"You are a work in progress." TW pg48

"Let's rest in the fact that He who has begun a great, marvelous work in you will carry it on to completion (Philippians 1:6)." TW pg51

Exercise and Eating Log for today:

Exercise: x

Eating:
0-5 at 8:30am
0-5 at 1:30pm
0-5 at 6:30pm

I felt a bit greedy for sweet treats at both lunch and supper...but didn't eat past #5. I'm not sure what to do with that exactly... Right now I'm just going to pray about it.

Today I choose...

I am nearing completion of the Beth Moore study on David. Today's reading zoned in on a passage in 1 Chronicles 28, in particular the following verse:

And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, he will be found by you...
1 Chronicles 28:9

We are to acknowledge God in our lives and surrender to Him. We need to choose today who we are going to serve, as highlighted in the following verse,

Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve. Joshua 24:15

We are to serve Him willingly with completely undivided devotion.

How often do I divide my devotion to God and prioritize food, comforts of life, wanting to do things my own way, neglect my relationship with God, fail to capture each and every moment for God, spend too much time watching TV or on the computer, sitting around procrastinating, talk the talk but not walk the talk????

Today I choose....

But as for me and my household, we
[I] will serve the LORD.
Joshua 24:15

And a cool nugget of truth...

If you seek him, he will be found by you...
1 Chronicles 28:9

Counting My Blessings...

Bees.
I know this one seems really strange but I'm thankful for bees...because they make honey...and I have really been enjoying honey lately:-)

Tender hearts of children.
I know this one may also seem strange, but I'm thankful that my 9 year old daughter cried about the mouse, who unwisely made a home in our shed, and lost his life as a result! She cried and cried over that mouse last night!

She said things like, "How would you feel if you were that mouse?" "Why can't we put some things out for him to use?" (in reference to all the things mice have destroyed in our shed to make their own nests!) etc. etc.

But I`m thankful that she has this tender heart. I`m thankful that she cares about each and every creature. Thanks, Lord!

Supportive online friends who are following TW.
I`m really thankful for each and every one of the friends God has brought into my life. I know their presence in my life is part of God equipping me. We need each other, to encourage and build up and sharpen each other. Each and every one of these dear ladies are a gift from God. Thanks, Lord!

I praise God because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:13-16

I'm thankful for this body God has gifted me with. I'm thankful for strong hands and arms. I'm thankful for each and every breath that I am granted to breathe. I'm thankful for each and every experience of my life that God has used to shape me for a purpose. The list could go on and on... Thank you, Lord!

The Lord is my Shepherd.

The LORD is my shepherd,
I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Psalm 23:1-3

The image of me as a lamb and Jesus as the Shepherd, caring for each and every need I may have and seeing dangers and ensuring I'm safe, is a beautiful picture. What an amazing God we serve!

I love the line "I shall not be in want." Wow!

He leads, he restores, he guides. Wow!

Thanks, Lord, for being my Shepherd.

Thin Within~Day 4

I got caught up on my readings now... So I've now completed the first four chapters.

A few things hit me in my readings...

#1. Keys to Conscious Eating

I am in dire need of re-looking at the keys to conscious eating. I've been growing more aware of my lack of application in this area for the past couple months. A quick reminder of the keys...

1. Eat when my body is hungry ("0").
2. Eat in a calm environment by reducing distractions.
3. Eat when sitting.
4. Eat when my body and mind are relaxed.
5. Eat and drink the things my body enjoys.
6. Pay attention to my food while eating.
7. Eat slowly, savoring each bite.
8. Stop before my body is full ("5").

I am having trouble with each and every one of them, but in particular #2-#7. I am not slowing down enough or savouring both the food and the environment with a grateful heart to God each and every moment of the present.

A goal I would like to set for the next 30 days is for each and every bite of food to be eaten at the dining room table and limit anything that distracts me from following the keys to conscious eating.

#2. Scripture

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Psalm 23:1-3

The Lord is my SHEPHERD. I shall not be in want.

How neat is that?! I need to meditate on that truth. It's HUGE!

#3. Goals

I already listed a bunch of goals with my last entry. I'm going to think about and zone in on what purposes God is calling me to. I'm beginning to see His vision and purposes for my life a little more clearly then a few weeks ago... Slowly but surely I'm getting a glimpse... I'll try to get that figured out more clearly in the next bit.

In the meantime I'd like to keep aiming for the goals I listed in the last blog entry.

#1.) Spend time in daily TW reading and devotions each day.
#2.) Spend at least 10 minutes in focussed prayer each day.
#3.) Eat 0-5 consistently.
#4.) Practice eating the "first meal of the rest of your life" on a regular basis by using the keys to conscious eating.
#5.) 20 minute cardio exercise 3-4x each week.
#6.) Get into bed, lights out by 10:30 pm each weeknight.
#7.) Spend time with each family member doing something meaningful--both my girls and my husband.
#8.) Each day do a 5 minute clutter tackle.
#9.) Each day count a blessing.
#10.) Spend 15 minutes each day encouraging a friend--either by email, phone call or a card or note.

Exercise & Eating Log for today:

Exercise: 20 minutes jump rope
Eating:
0-3 at 10:45am
0-5 at 1pm
0-5 at 5:15pm

I was very tempted to grab a sweet treat this evening, while out shopping... The candies and donuts were calling my name... But I just prayed, calling out to God for help, and thought about those who were doing this 30 day challenge with me...and bypassed the temptations. Thanks Lord! And thanks to those of you who are doing the 30 day challenge!

Thin Within~Day 1, 2, 3

Lundie started a 30 day Thin Within challenge along with a couple other friends. The challenge runs October 17th - November 16th. We will be reading a chapter from the Thin Within book daily over the next 30 days. I plan to post my hunger #'s and observations/corrections here along with any other thoughts along the way.

I know Lil is planning jumping on board. Anyone else???

I just decided to join this challenge today so am behind in the readings. However I'll catch up in the next two days, doubling up on the # of chapters I read. In the meantime, here are a few observations from the past two days.

Saturday, October 18th

Exercise: x

I am craving regular exercise. I know I just need to get my butt in gear and MOVE!!! I find that during outdoor walks or jogs I have some of my best moments with God in prayer and meditation! That's worth more then the body getting back in shape!

0-5 at 8:00am
0-5 at 12:30PM
0 at 4:00pm but didn't eat until supper
0-6 at 5:30pm

I feel far from conscious eating principles right now. I think it is time to freshen up my memory on those and put them in the forefront as I eat.

Sunday, October 19th

Exercise: 1 hour family bike ride

0-5 at 11:00am
0-5 at 6:15pm

Top Ten Goals for the next 27 days:

(aka "habit challenges" by Brandi)

#1.) Spend time in daily TW reading and devotions each day.

#2.) Spend at least 10 minutes in focussed prayer each day.

#3.) Eat 0-5 consistently.

#4.) Practice eating the "first meal of the rest of your life" on a regular basis by using the keys to conscious eating.

#5.) 20 minute cardio exercise 3-4x each week.

#6.) Get into bed, lights out by 10:30 pm each weeknight.

#7.) Spend time with each family member doing something meaningful--both my girls and my husband.

#8.) Each day do a 5 minute clutter tackle.

#9.) Each day count a blessing.

#10.) Spend 15 minutes each day encouraging a friend--either by email, phone call or a card or note.

God Equips

I've had a few things hitting me the past couple days...

First of all, Heidi wrote something on the thinwithin forums that really resonated. She wrote the following (here's the link):

Another thing that helps is to ask God to change my thinking from "How much can I eat before I go too far" to "How efficient is my body? How little do I need to sustain my body and to have energy suitable for the day?" Granted, if a person has had difficulty with anorexic behavior in the past, this might end up being a slippery slope or worse. For those of us who have never had trouble like that, though, this can be the difference between greed and humble success. When I allow God to work in me with this mindset, I am floored at the difference it
makes.

I thought it was such a practical and God-focussed-glorifying way to approach eating. Too often I ask the first quesiton (in my own way) "How much can I eat before I go too far?" It's time to change that question and surrender more fully to the Lord and His will.

Then today in my TW reading of chapter 14, the following verse jumped out at me (again):

For it is GOD who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. Philippians 2:13

I found this so incredibly encouraging to know that it's not my own strength and effort that is needed to change. It's not MY strength or power that is needed to take captive all thoughts and make them obedient to Christ...but rather bending my knees before the Lord and asking for HIS help and strength and equipping. This is the path of HIS provision.

Taking Captive Every Thought for Christ

The day started off with a feeling of hope for the day ahead. I am thankful that God has brought many supportive TW journey companions into my life. What a blessing they are! I cracked open the TW book and read chapter 13 and was impacted by the reading....

And then...

Thing came crashing down!

First of all I will recount what my reading in TW was about and what hit me.

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but
what I hate I do. Romans 7:15

William Well-Meaning identifies with this battle. He wakes up, ready
to start his day with his Bible, his TW book, and his journal. He prays, studies, reads, and after a wonderful time of fellowship and communion with the Lord, he heads off to work, having promised the Lord that today will be different. Today he will give his body to God and live for Him. Today he will eat 0 to 5, being fully convinced that this will honor the Lord. Then what? William Well-Meaning, before he knows it, finds himself snacking on one thing or another, ultimately realizing that he is walking in the flesh. The very thing he hates is what he finds himself doing. TW pg 132

The book moves on to outline the two different paths we often travel: the path of God's provision and the path of my performance. The above mentioned character, William Well-Meaning was travelling on the path of his performance, despite his good start to the day! My name could definitely replace William Well-Meaning's!

The point of the chapter is to walk moment by moment with God, observing and correcting, looking to God for that way out of temptation that He promises to provide (1 Cor. 10:13), taking every thought and making it obedient to Christ.

I love this paragraph:

God will not fail to keep His promise to provide you with a way out of
temptaion. He will continue to help you no matter how many times you cry out, 'Lord, I am sorry. I did it again.' No matter how
often you find yourself on your face before Him, He will always, always, always offer His hand, lift you up, embrace you, brush away your tears, cleanse you and give you a clean robe of righteousness. TW pg 134-135

After my early morning TW read I walked away with the following scripture resonating with me and challenging me...

...we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
2 Corinthians 10:5

I thought, "I'm going to aim to take captive every thought for Christ today!" Do I sound like good old William here! I'm not sure I even prayed about it to tell you the truth!

Then the "test" came! My 6 year old daughter (who fits every characteristic of the "real" princess from the "princess and the pea" fairytale when it comes to clothing) was NOT ready in time for school.

Backing up a few years... Ever since she was a toddler she has been quite "picky" about everything she wears. Socks, underwear, pants, shirts, jackets, sweaters, hats, mitts, shoes, boots....you name the clothing item, she will CERTAINLY have had a problem with it! We have dealt with the problem over the years one step at at time, trying to help her move past these "princess" qualities:-) But we're back in a tight spot again, particularily with regard to pants...

So, this morning she was having trouble finding pants to wear, but didn't let me know. I was pretty sure she was all dressed and good to go. (In hindsight I should really have done a bit more investigating since her bedroom door was closed...my knock asking if everything was alright wasn't sufficient.) Anyways, she ended up NOT being ready & couldn't find clothes that felt comfortable.

And did I take that very moment captive for Christ???????

Did I even think about that verse that I had just read one hour before?????

NO!!!! How sad is that!

So, we proceeded to have a very heated exchange... I became "monster mommy" or in her words I was "mean" to her. I let my frustration just boil right over and spew out of my mouth.

Okay, now for the good stuff....which hit me on my morning walk/jog this morning (yes i actually got out to exercise after a month hiatus from exercise!).

I obviously and clearly did NOT take that above mentioned moment captive for Christ as I blew up and did not exhibit gentleness, love, self-control and patience to my daughter.

BUT the good news, that God drew to my attention this morning, is that I DID take the next moment captive for Him. The whole situation didn't become a waste, a complete failure...

I moved on to ask for forgiveness from my daughter. She said sorry to me for things I didn't even realize she had done in those heated moments. She actually said sorry for yelling at me...something I hadn't even pinpointed as one of the errors of the situation. We hugged. I said how much I loved her etc. etc. All that sweet mommy stuff. And then the best part is that we prayed together. We both asked God for forgiveness for our parts in things, very specific things as well. It was a beautiful moment that I know was God-glorifying. I could tell things were restored and made new and actually will be better then before. Thanks, Lord!

So the lesson I have learned from this situation, which had nothing to do with eating as you tell, is that maybe in one moment of a situation we may not have taken our thoughts captive for Christ....but we can always choose to observe, correct and take captive the NEXT moment's thoughts and actions and make them obedient to Christ as we lean on Him and look to Him. We just need to call out to Him and step onto the path of His provision. There is an EXIT in every situation, back onto the path of His provision.

Willful Sins

Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Psalm 19:13

I ran across the above verse last night. This is truly my prayer. Sometimes my sins are less intentional--although just as wrong and in need of repentance. But often times my sins are actually *willful* and they do seem to "rule" over me. I find it sad that I treat God's grace in this way. I certainly am thankful for God's forgiveness and faithfulness.

Lord, please search me and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts, see if there is any offensive way in me (Psalm 129:23-24). May your Holy Spirit convict me. And may your grace cleanse me. Purge the sin from my heart, thoughts and life. I want to follow you alone, Lord. In Jesus name, amen.

Whirlwind Weekend

This is a google image...not my own personal picture,

but certainly captures much of the beauty of fall that we experienced this past weekend.

We travelled out of town and had a good visit with Jon's parents and his grandmother this past thanksgiving weekend. It was quite the whirlwind weekend, with more then a few testing spots for me! I prayed tons this time round as I was well aware that I was going to be vulnerable, open to the enemy's attacks. And God was faithful and helped me through it.

One victory I'd like to recall is that I prayed God would help me not dig into any food one particular evening. I definitely credit God with helping me through that time. It is so encouraging to have actually dealt with temptation head on in this way. I hope to do this much more often. Thanks, Lord.

I generally ate 0-5 about two out of three or four times a day. Not perfect, but still not completely off track. Thanks, Lord.

As I look back at what I ate I have to say it is sometimes surprising how much less I generally eat now as compared to before. It's encouraging to see these small changes. Thanks, Lord.

Well, that's about it for now. Back to "real" life:-)

Counting My Blessings...

Safety as we travelled this past weekend.
We were on the road Saturday and Monday, 9 hours drive each way.



Family.
It was wonderful visitting Jon's 93 year old grandmother, Meme, this past weekend. She lives in a care home and suffers from alzheimers, but was very alert and energetic while we were with her. I'm thankful for the rich family heritage that my children have received. Both my girls sure enjoyed their time with both grandma & grandpa and also with great-grandma Meme.

Counting My Blessings...

Scripture.
This blog entry says it all.

Restored Relationships

God's faithfulness in the face of my failure.
Thank you Lord.

Praying supportive friends and family.
I had the most incredible time of prayer with a good friend on Monday morning. What a blessing she was in my life that morning as she came by to encourage and affirm me and pray over me. I also have to add that my parents were such an encouragement to Jon & I on Sunday night. We were able to have a real heart-to-heart talk and time of prayer. Thank you Lord.

Small group study.
We just started a new small group, aimed at sharing in each other's spiritual walk. What a blessing!

Scripture

Okay, right now I'm just procrastinating on a job I *really* don't feel like doing...budget updates! AAAHH! So, here I am at the computer and I had a thought come to mind that I really wanted to share and document.

I have noticed over the past number of months that I have become quite comfortable with using scripture in so many situations, in prayers, in thoughts, in counsel etc...

For the past couple years I desired to have a better understanding and application of scripture and to be able to pray scripture. It's interesting how God answered this prayer of mine by bringing into my life "Thin Within" and also the "David: 90 days" study by Beth Moore. Both of these books are helping me grow in this area.

And the growth is beginning to make itself evident as the Holy Spirit brings scripture to mind so much more often. When I feel down, happy, thankful, sad, lonely, in need, convicted of sin/guilt etc....and also when I speak with friends and give "counsel"....and especially as I pray and spend time with the Lord.

This became particularily clear to me yesterday as I visitted with a friend whose husband just left her this past week. It was like the Holy Spirit just spoke through me as scripture after scripture began to come to mind and I encouraged this friend to look to the promises in the Bible, to pray these promises and to trust God at this time as she travels in a valley.

Praise God, praise God, praise God!!!! That's all I can say! He is SOOOO amazing and good and hears my prayers. Okay I'm beginning to think this post belongs in my "counting my blessings" blog:-) I am just thankful that God is helping me grow in this area as it really makes a difference in my life moment by moment...for it is God speaking to me personally through scripture all day long! How amazing is that?! Thank you, Lord, for your Word.

Keeping on keeping on

(This is just a google image by the way! I'd never be that brave!)

It's amazing how one day (or even moment) I feel in a place of surrender to the Lord...and then within moments, minutes, hours, days I'm in a place of rebellion and not listening to or leaning on the Lord.

I've had a couple "off" 0-5 eating days once again. It's at these times that I get discouraged. But one thing I've realized in the past day is that I *do* keep on keeping on:-)

I know that our God is a gracious, forgiving, personal, merciful, loving God... I know that He is walking right alongside me throughout my entire life journey.

I feel I need to take the step and do some observation and correction in regards to my past weekend and week. I've pinpointed that tiredness is a major hinderance when it comes to 0-5 eating. I am definitely vulnerable and VERY open to temptation. I go into a willful rebellion mode in those moments. Sometimes it is mindless...but most times I'd say it is willful.

So, what can be done???

Here are some ideas I've brainstormed in this moment:
1.) Take a nap when I'm tired.
2.) Lie down and shut my eyes and meditate on the Lord, be quiet before Him and acknowledge His presence and also His promises to help and strengthen me.
3.) Stop, watch and pray.
4.) Delay and put off giving in to the temptation at hand.
5.) Put some God-honoring music on.
6.) Crack open the Bible. God may speak to me in that very moment through scripture.
7.) Call a friend.
8.) Write out what I'm feeling. Maybe I could delay by coming straight to this blog and typing out what I'm feeling in that moment. This may be the way out that God is providing me at that very moment.
9.) Make a cup of hot herbal tea (no sugar/cream) and savour the flavor and aromas, curl up and relax.
10.) Get busy with something else--reading, crafts, watch a t.v. show, go for a walk, read a story to the kids, chat with my husband, go on the computer etc.
11.) A hot bath may be just what I need in that moment...plus it would help me delay (aka stop), relax some tired muscles, be quiet, and pray.

There are probably many other ideas that I could come up with... These are just a few that come to mind at this moment.

I have to confess too that I really don't know what to do about the scale. I have hopped on it a couple times in the past week, despite my plan to wait until the end of the month. It was a bit discouraging to see 152lbs on the scale... However I have noticed that I tend to fluctuate between 149-152 lbs lately. Maybe that is entirely normal. I hope so. I just don't want to let the weight creep back on. I'm afraid of failure once again. I'm afraid of NOT keeping on keeping on....

So, I give this to the Lord. I give Him my heart, confessing I have missed the mark again and again, that I have been willfully rebellious and that I long for sin to be purged from my heart and life. I want Him to make me new. And I want Him to help me keep on keeping on.... And I'm thankful for His pardon, presence, provisions and power that He is making so readily available to me EACH moment of EACH day! Thank you, Lord!

This weekend...

...I had pinpointed some of the temptations I would be facing and some of the possible "exit" plans that I could potentially choose so I could stay within 0-5 eating.

Unfortunately I can't say the weekend went perfectly according to the plan... I also can't say that I truly sought the Lord for help. The moments when I ate outside 0-5 were all in the midst of feelings of tiredness. I need to figure out how to truly stop and wait on the Lord in those times of weakness...

So here I give account for how I dealt with the various situations that I had highlighted in my last post:

#1. Supper at a friend's house.
I definitely ate within 0-5 for supper and with the later dessert. I had two small slices of pizza, which in all honesty is pretty much equivalent to the one larger piece I was thinking would be adequate in my exit plan. Unfortunately when I got home, at about 10pm, I had a bit more of the trifle and a small slice of pizza. I didn't feel past a #5, but definitely didn't start at a #0.

#2. Drama Practice.
Eating 0-5 went smoothly. Thanks God!

#3. & #4. Pumpkin Pie temptations & Family Dinner (mexican food).
I started our family meal feeling quite worn out and tired, and wasn't at #0. I ate a really small amount, definitely not eating past a #5. The pumpkin pie was devoured by my family (all 9 of us), so none was left behind to tempt me. However after my family left, I once again fell into wanting just a bit of a treat after I could kick back and relax....and so dug into one wagon wheel cookie.

Well, that's it for now.

It's fabulous Friday!

Okay, I really didn't know what to use for the title of this post :-) I am looking forward to this weekend though. Yesterday was a pretty emotionally exhausting day at work (lunch hour supervision at school). Tonight is our first night for our small group study. I'm really looking forward to all that God will teach us. And then tomorrow is the start of christmas drama practice. I need to get my butt in gear and get the music learned as I am meant to be leading that particular department. I have some learning to do!!!! Saturday I plan on making some pumpkin pie:-) Yummy!!!! Saturday night our piano will be picked up and sold to that fellow from the States who is driving 20 hours to come pick up our "strange" piano:-) And then Sunday I'm making a somewhat "authentic" mexican meal for my parents and brother and family. I'm looking forward to try out some of my new culinary skills for my family:-)

In regards to eating. Wow, the Lord has really been helping me through the last few days. I made it three days eating 0-5...well last night was a *little* off, but I think it still can pretty much count as 0-5. I was not rumbly hungry, but was pretty much at that hungry spot. And my #5 may have been pushing it a *tiny* bit or it may have been my SUPER tight pants that I wore for the entire day! Regardless, I am thankful for God's strength and help through the past few days. Just about everytime I eat I just find myself overflowing with praise to Him. He really is a giver of such good gifts. Thank you Lord.

I guess I better pre-plan a little for any "trials" that may come up this weekend.

#1 Supper at friend's house tonight.
First I'll aim to be hungry for supper. Next, I will aim to just eat one slice of pizza. Then later I'll be having some "death by chocolate" trifle that I'm bringing for our small group meeting.

#2 Drama practice.
If I'm not hungry for breakfast before practice I will bring along a yogurt & granola bar.

#3 Pumpkin pie temptations.
Save it for dessert! Actually I think I'm saving it for Sunday dinner.

#4 Sunday mexican dinner.
Eat slowly, consciously, despite having company. I know I'll be tempted to have more pumpkin pie after company leaves (which really is enjoyable for me after the hard work of putting a meal together). So I think I'll have a small sliver with the meal and then have a regular piece after everything is cleaned up and company gone....and that is only ONE *regular* (not extra large) sized piece!

Well, that's it for me on this fabulous Friday!!! Have a great weekend y'all!

Checking in

I've had an up and down past few days. On Monday I just came to a sense of "I'm ready to surrender"...again! I know I've been there lots of times...and the cycle will probably continue! Anyways, living in surrender to the Lord is always the best place to be!

I've had some special times with the Lord the last few days. I've really been enjoying playing the piano and the praise music becoming my prayer and worship. I've also felt challenged to find that quiet time with the Lord, starting with five minutes of complete stillness and quietness. It's a good challenge for me! It sure feels easier to just PRAY with lots of words! Actually being quiet at the Lord's feet is a good challenge!

I've been eating 0-5 and seeking to cut out the root of greed and continue surrendering. One step at a time! One day at a time! Actually I'm still aiming for that three day mark, but have been a little off. So I'm back onto another three days, with one day checked off:-)

I've been lacking in the exercise department. I just haven't been motivated...which is maybe partially due to a cold that keeps hanging on.

I've had more friends beginning to comment on the weight release...and I think I'm getting more of the hang of directing the praise and glory to God.

So that's the last few days in a nutshell. I wonder if this will always be an up and down day to day struggle...

Step out of Time

I have been listening to the following Matthew West song a number of times over the past few days and it just keeps resonating with me... I wish you could hear the tune, but the lyrics will have to do unless you buy the "History" album.

"Out of Time" by Matthew West

So, you're hungry for a taste of the other side

Where the grass is thick and green

But your feet are on familiar ground

Frozen and afraid of what you might lack

Oh, if that's all that's holding you back

Come on, step out of time

Fall out of line

Leave a mark they can't erase

Find your heart and lose your mind

Watch the journey unwind

And let it be a new day

Out of time

How's your story gonna read

When they call your name

And it's all there in black and white?

Will you follow or will you lead?

Will you quietly disappear

Or is this whole world gonna know

That you were here?

'Cause it's time to be free

It's time just to live what you believe

What you gonna do with the life you're living?

What you gonna make of the time you're given?

When you're free you have been forgiven

Now come on and step out of time

'Cause once you go you're gone forever

Don't you know it's now or never

But I can feel a change in the weather

Now come on and step out of time

Come on, step out of time

Fall out of line

Leave a mark they can't erase

Find your heart and lose your mind

Watch the journey unwind

And let it be a new day

Out of time

Now I know the purpose of this life is NOT for ME to be noticed! We're not to focus on leaving just ANY kind of mark! The kind of mark we're supposed to be focussed on is directing people's eyes to GOD and eternity. We were, after all, created for God's glory.

Everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my
glory, whom I formed and made. Isaiah 43:7

The glorifying-God kind of mark cannot be erased! The "size" or seeming impact of the mark left behind will vary according to human perspective...but ultimately, if people's eyes are drawn to God, this mark will have eternal impact because God will be glorified and will work it for His purposes in His time.

The reason this song resonates with me so much is that it draws up this image of stepping out of time--both a dancing image and a timeline image. The point is that God is calling us to see so much beyond our limitted vision of the here and now, all the pressures, the treadmill of life, the busyness that seems like we just have to stay caught up in, the trivial pursuits of life and on and on. Satan seeks to put blinders on our eyes, so we don't see the bigger picture, the larger tapestry of our lives that God is weaving. He doesn't want us to see or direct other's eyes to ETERNITY. He wants us to stay stuck on the treadmill, moment by moment focussing on ourselves and the pulls of this world.

Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8

But I know that God desires that each moment is to be focussed on HIM, whether the here-and-now moments or the moments that we will spend in eternity.

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. Colossians 3:1-2

So, what does "stepping out of time" mean for me personally? This term seems to sum up what God is stirring in my heart lately.

Does it mean

...going overseas to minister in an orphanage?

...becoming a foster family?

...adopting a child who is in dire need, giving them a new "life"?

...ministering to immigrants in our own city?

...helping the poor and needy in a more tangible way?

...just being intentional about each and every interaction with each person in my sphere of influence?

What does it mean exactly? What am I supposed to be doing with me life? How am I to SPEND my life, each and every moment of it? Those are the nagging questions on my heart lately.

As I wait for God to answer I continue to seek to be intentional about each and every interaction with those in my sphere of influence as I know this is definitely something God wants me to do...

Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Col. 4:5

But is there some "bigger" plan that God has in mind? I really don't know! It scares (and EXCITES) me to pieces! My life could be turned absolutely upside down if we were to go overseas or take in foster children or give selflessly to immigrant ministry...

WHAT is God calling me to do, to be, to become?

I want to step out of time. I don't want to waste this life. I want to spend my life for eternal impact.

So now, I choose to "fall out of line, to leave a mark that can't be erased, to find my heart and lose my mind, to watch the journey unwind and let it be a new day out of time..."